The Roast of Quentin Tarantino

[00:00:14] I get that way with Tarantino sometimes where I'm like, bro, I get it. Why do you like feet? I get it, but like, okay. Honestly, it's the choking one. Like that thing that he had with Diane Kruger where he's like, I'm going to need to choke you with my own hands. Because this has to look a specific way on camera because all choking looks bad. And I'm like, look, there's a part of me that wants to believe that. Because I get that. Like actually choking someone on camera.

[00:00:43] It's hard to make it believable. This, I don't know, just the way he describes that story. I'm like, did we really need this? I don't know if we did. Like, I'm not sure if this is like a fetish or if this is storytelling. I like his early stuff. I can't do his recent stuff. But that's what's also annoying is seeing people who do, like, he started up a whole group of fans where he's like, well, if he didn't come up with it, I reject this person.

[00:01:11] And that is like, no, no, no. You don't get to do an exception to him. If it's not. OK, it's got to be French, new wave cinema. I don't care what you're doing. Everybody in here. Like, look, all the everything. It's all of this. I'm going to look. OK, I'm going to tell you. I'm going to tell you. I'm going to tell you. Like, bro, a little less cocaine, a little more coherence. Let's go. OK, we'll see. That's where Dante is the more sane version of Tarantino. You know, he's actually caught chill and like, so what do you want to talk about?

[00:01:41] I think Tarantino fans are probably a huge. That's actually I'm going to take that generalization back. I'm not going to. It seems like that that type of person who goes like, well, you know, yeah. Like, well, there's all of this stuff. Like, look at what he's doing. It comes from this and that or whatever. It adds to that air of to defend him versus other people like it's like him. Like, it's all stylistic. It's all kind of bullshit. It's all what the author or that director kind of wants. You don't.

[00:02:11] It's what we said earlier. You don't have to like it for it to not like for it to be good. Like it can still be good and you don't like it. Those are equally. You're not Quentin Tarantino. You did not make it. So you don't get to make that decision. Like that's just, if he's satisfied with it or not exists. It's even funnier when you see people who you think would be perfect for something and then you see, oh, I never liked something like that. I'm like, really? You guys sound the same. Right.

[00:02:40] It is funny what just does not. Some people say I'm not in that crowd. And then you see other people is like they literally are the same kind of crowd, but they just refuse to acknowledge. It's that gatekeeping thing. This is going to be a hell of a roast because there's plenty of people who hate this man, love this man. I'm 50-50 on him. I like his earlier stuff, not so much as newer stuff.

[00:03:08] Yeah, I'm good with most except for Hateful Eight really kind of. Hateful Eight sucks shit. Yeah. The thing is, it's like one of those things where it's, I don't know, are we starting here? Because with Terry Tino. You might as well get into it and start us off. Well, it's interesting because he said this man. Like, as a man, I think he's indefensible, right? He's a piece of shit. And like, especially, I think a lot of that came to light when his attacks on Dano. I thought that was you either. No, he's way worse.

[00:03:37] I mean, he's just a piece of shit. I mean, he's a piece of shit. So here you are, here you guys. And he's wrong about everything, which is amazing. I'll give you that. So now you know. It's one of those things where it's like, with J.K. Rowling, same thing happened. Where it's like, okay, well, they're pieces of shit, but they made good stuff. And then you start to examine their art. And you're like, no, actually, they didn't. They just kind of got by, you know? I love it. It's not like a tortured genius. He's just a bad filmmaker who's also a dickhead. So then you've heard it. There's not much to say. I did like Jackie Brown, though.

[00:04:07] That's an Elmore Leonard film. That's the one my cousin Rita was almost in. Oh, do tell. Well, she had cut. She had. They had filmed some scenes with her dancing on a bar over Samuel Jackson. But they cut the scene. In fact, you only hear him talking about being at a bar on the radio. Ah. Don't you love it, though? So now we have it on the record. Tarantino is worse than you. Ball. Man. I never thought I'd hear those words, but I love it.

[00:04:37] So I have a riff for you. Tarantino was a fan of the TV show Freaks and Geeks. True story from Sam Levine. But is it because he belongs in either category? Well, is that why Sam Levine was in Glorious Bastards? Yes. Look up his interview on the whole podcast network. Charlie, glad you could join in the Tarantino roast. And by the way, Cliff's dogs are also joining us. Oh, the beautiful chug. Oh, no, no, no. Yeah.

[00:05:07] Yeah. This is an audio only podcast. Yeah, different. Switch to video. You can get 50 list, 50 viewers just by pulling up a small puppy. A different reservoir dog. Yes. So I'm not sure what's scarier. The fact that Tarantino is married or that he has kids. Meh. Go ahead. He gives us hope. If he can get married, there's hope for anybody to get married.

[00:05:37] Anybody can get married. All right. I got a chance. I'm not a creep like him, but hey. Tarantino wants to be like other fast-talking, geeky filmmakers like Joe Dante. Problem is, he's too stuck up, narcissistic, and loves the sound of his own irritating voice. Even when Tarantino was sort of in his prime, when people really liked him and they're really hype about him. And I'll admit, I saw, you know. We all saw his movies. I saw Pulp Fiction in the theater and was like, wow, you know, that's different than what is normally put in the theater.

[00:06:05] And I was one of those annoying idiots who would watch Reservoir Dogs a lot. And I still, like I said, Jackie Brown's an enjoyable film. Even though, strangely, it's one of the only ones where Samuel L. Jackson makes it worse. Right? Because his character doesn't fit within it. You can tell they just come in gratuitously. How dare you? And it's not a spooky tone of it. You know what I mean? I still quote the line every time I'm playing video games. A.K. 47s. You absolutely got to kill every last motherfucker.

[00:06:37] Mike, I take it you got some funny riffs on this like it or hate it filmmaker. Some of us like him. Some of us don't. But do you anybody remember the movie Go? Yes. I went and then I left. Oh! There's a scene in there where somebody talks about the Family Circus comic strip. How bad it is. It's almost this one. Yes. They read the paper and they go to the Family Circus.

[00:07:06] That ruins the whole, you know, reading the paper because they saw the Family Circus. They were trying to do a Tarantino in there, I think. Yeah. Doug Lehman. And then you realize when they did that, that's just kind of really bad writing, even with Tarantino. Just all these arroyal with cheese and stuff. Yes. There's all this. Let's try to put something clever in here, some clever dialogue no one's ever seen before. Well, there's a reason no one's ever seen or heard it before. Because it's just not that clever or good, really.

[00:07:36] Do not pass code. Do not collect $100. Yeah. Oh, Tom. I know you're itching. I know you're itching. Oh, I had fun with this one. Let me just point out something here. For me, he made one of the best and worst movies ever. For me, I absolutely loved Kill Bill Volume 1. Oh, yeah. That's a good one, too. And I absolutely hated Death Proof.

[00:08:04] I haven't seen that much quality inconsistency since the last time I microwaved a Hot Pocket. Oh, Jesus. Still more enjoyable than most of his films is looking at the microwave while that was happening. Oh, yes. That's N-words, hopefully. Yes. One thing I noticed is that Karen Hill is known for a lot of exposition. Good thing he hadn't hooked up with Ken Burns or we'd be here for a while.

[00:08:36] Going back to Death Proof for a bit here, how in the hell do you fuck up a car movie? It is not that hard. You have a guy in a car, you drive around, it's easy. Anybody could do it. But the only way it could have been – how do you fuck it up, really? The only one there would have been even fewer car scenes than there were would have been to have had the Amish do stunt work.

[00:09:03] Tarantino could do a Mad Max movie and still have there be like one minute's worth of car chase and you'd be like, why did you do this then if you're not going to use it? Exactly. He's been decorated a bunch of times. He won the Palme d'Or for Pulp Fiction. Also, the first artsy film to feature a motherfucker so frequently. I will say one thing though. One thing that's near and dear to my heart. One thing that I will always give him credit for being.

[00:09:31] He gave Samuel L. Jackson the ability to say motherfucker. Good comeback from Travolta. Yeah. Reservoir Dogs featured a song of a favorite of mine. It's stuck in the middle with you by Steeler's Wheels. Given how frequently that – the scene where that song was played, I'm guessing Tarantino owed Jerry Rafferty money.

[00:09:59] But also he was created – he also used Son of a Preacher Man and Let's Stay Together with Pulp Fiction. When he lacks in talent, he makes up for it in good tunes. Hey. One thing I knew about it is that Tarantino is a fan of 70s exploitation movies. I don't mind low-budget movies, but Tarantino makes high-budget, low-budget movies. Now, consider this.

[00:10:27] Without Quentin Tarantino, John Travolta wouldn't have had a career resurgence, and we wouldn't have had that classic Battlefield Earth. Do with that what you will. Or don't. Oh, God. So, you know, something else, too. He also acted in From Dusk Till Dawn. Good thing he didn't write it or we'd still be watching it. I thought he did write it. Meh.

[00:10:53] Dusk Till Dawn, if I can jump in, is probably the only time when we've ever seen Tarantino actually do some good acting, when he played the weird psycho sex predator. I realized later that he wasn't acting, and that's why. Yeah. There you go. We have to say he's a good actor because he acts like he's a good director. So there you go. It's like saying Gary Busey is normal. Well, what planet are they on? Planet of the world, baby. Planet of the world. All right. And one last thing. I have a pitch idea for you.

[00:11:23] Have Quentin Tarantino direct a remake of The NeverEnding Story. It's a perfect fit for him, given how his movies drag on and on and on. That's great. At this point, the joke went on a little bit longer. And Tom didn't mind at all. That's a great joke.

[00:11:59] That's a great joke. I gotta say, if this man is a quote-unquote serious filmmaker, why can't he make anything that isn't over the top? The only way it could be more over the top would be to have Sylvester Stallone's star as an arm wrestling truck driver. Over the top. A ton different. Oh, God.

[00:12:27] And he got that joke from, you guessed it, Frank Stallone. He hires Frank instead, and he's like, Tarantino, what are you doing? Will this man give his foot fetish a rest already, or am I going to have to kick his face in? Dear Tarantino, originality is overrated. Signed, William Shakespeare.

[00:12:55] First point blank. Clerks. John Wick. Ghost Dog. Assassins. Narc. Out of Sight. Get Shorty. Loving a point forty five. Those are some of the best Tarantino movies that Tarantino never made. And the worst one he didn't make was Boondock Saints. I love that better. I don't remember which of you made the point that sort of his films, I think it might have been you, Mike, infected a series of other filmmakers.

[00:13:25] And that's, I mean, of all of his many, many crimes against the concept of making movies, that might be one of his most egregious is that other people are like, oh, so the whole concept of film is just to have two people talk a bunch of nonsense back and forth to each other until two hours is up and get get a couple of songs in there. Shoot something from a weird angle. And that's got to be funky and abrupt and shot on a cancorder. Yeah.

[00:13:54] Smoking Aces is the best bad movie that Tarantino never made. That's too bad he did it as then I could give him more shit. Scorsese called. He wonders why Tarantino has him beat for making all his movies free hours line. So what's up, Charlie? You're in a song. This is where the foot jokes are tonight, right? I came to the right place? Yes, I think so. You know, I'm a sports guy. I don't know how much everyone else here necessarily knows about sports.

[00:14:23] But if there's ever a biopic on former New York Jets coach Rex Ryan, a self-professed football lover, I think I know who's going to direct the movie. Take him from his home movies. Yeah. And as you say, I like a lot of Tarantino movies. The Hateful Eight is great for the first six hours. Then it got a little repetitive. The first six hours.

[00:14:49] And then I know someone mentioned Tarantino jokingly doing a Mad Max movie earlier. And then my brain kicked into high gear. And I was just thinking that, look, it clearly wouldn't be as good. But part of me wants to see him. You see him in a LJ accident in a Mad Max movie to explain what Ninja Turtles and film stock hard to Mad Max and the Guitar League guy. And how the world went to shit. Yeah. Perfect. That's all I've got for now. All right.

[00:15:20] Mike? Go ahead, go. Okay. Pass the ball. Pass the ball. Quentin Tarantino doesn't write scripts. He writes hostage notes to the audience demanding we watch his DVD collection in public. Every time Tarantino makes a movie, a film student somewhere updates their personality to owns vinyl. That's a good start.

[00:15:49] His movies aren't homages. They're cinematic garage sales where he resells other people's scenes with more feet. Quentin is the only director who can turn a five-minute conversation about hamburgers into a 40-minute lecture on why he's a genius. Wow. He says the N-word so much in his scripts, I'm surprised Autocorrect doesn't just replace his name with it.

[00:16:19] Jesus. Tarantino doesn't cast actors. He rescues them from career hospice and makes them say slurs in slow motion. You're on fire. He claims he'll only make 10 films. That's not artistic integrity. That's a mercy rule. Watching a Tarantino movie is like being cornered at a party by a guy who just discovered

[00:16:46] kung fu movies and won't let you leave. And finally, if you cut out the slow motion walking, trunk shots, and feet close-ups, his movies would qualify as TikToks. Ooh. Probably. And they'd probably be better. Get to the point. Now, going off of the feet thing, there's something I gotta ask. Is he any way related to Dan Schneider? Oh.

[00:17:15] I'll believe that he's a distant cousin at this rate. Tarantino stated that he can't wait for movies he can't stand, such as superhero films, to fall out of favor. He should take his own advice and take a deep, long hike. Tarantino has tons of bizarre favorite TV shows, followed by illogical descriptions of their so-called greatness. He's often noted that Xena, Warrior Princess, has deep storytelling, and that it's the best series ever made. I'm just gonna leave that there.

[00:17:45] How can someone who's made so-called classics love so much absolute garbage? He has admitted, on record, to liking Kick-Ass 2, not 1, 2, Battlefield Earth, and 2013's The Lone Ranger. Why? Yeah, why so opposite end of the spectrum there, bud? The only reason Tarantino put Samuel L. Jackson in all of his movies is that no one else will let him get away with saying the N-word.

[00:18:14] Plus, he knows he's nothing without that man's fucking amazing talent. I'm gonna hand it to you, James. Well, you know, I mean, I gotta thank Tarantino for, you know, doing Pulp Fiction, but I also gotta tell him, when he did that movie, every douchebag guy would quote that fucking goddamn opening scene, Royale with cheese.

[00:18:43] Shut the fuck up. Okay? Now, I remember that was the year, you know, you had him come out, you had Robert Rodriguez come out, you had Clerks come out. Let me think to you this way. At least Kevin Smith's still relevant. But Quentin, I mean, you do a movie about the Manson family. I mean, I wish the Manson family had come to your house that night. And you know, I gotta say this, you know, Django Unchained, when I hear DiCaprio say

[00:19:11] the N-word, I'm taken back to a time when, I don't know, I was maybe seven or eight years old in the backyard, and I heard my next-door neighbor, George, say that to describe the people who were moving down the street. So, thanks for bringing back that very bad childhood memory for me, you dick. Now, I'm not saying Quentin Tarantino's a bad filmmaker. I mean, he's done some really good movies.

[00:19:38] Pulp Fiction, Kill Bill 1 and 2, Once Upon a Time in Hollywood, and Glorious Bastards. Eh. You know, but there's one movie that always, I think, kind of like says to me, you know, you drop the ball, and that's Jackie Brown. I'm sorry. I mean, everybody's just, well, you know, I'm not saying I dropped my balls, but I dropped my pants. I had to take a shit, because this movie was a laxative for me, you know?

[00:20:08] And not only that, your speech in that movie, you talked about Top Gun being the gayest film of all time. I kind of, you know, can't help but agree with him on that, but I didn't look at every piece of dialogue in that movie going, that's homosexual. That's homosexual. Maybe you are in the closet, Quentin. You just don't know where you are. Yeah, yeah.

[00:21:01] You know. Bad. But then it goes. I feel like I'm in that kid who basically has that thing where he just goes. And he stops. You know? The trumpeter. Yeah. Yeah. I felt like I was listening to a song from a guy who had Tourette's. Shane Black called. You know. Perfect. So, Quentin, thank you for a lot of movies that you've done, but you're an asshole.

[00:21:31] By the way, I like Matthew Willard, so blow me, all right? Well, I do know one thing as far as his fixation on feet. I can think of other parts of the female anatomy that would be much more interesting. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. So, Tarantino's an incel. I knew it. Robert Rodriguez called. He wonders why Quentin's no longer an affordable indie talent. John Travolta also called.

[00:22:01] And he wonders when you'll resurrect his career. Again! Now, is it John Travolta or is it Nicolas Cage? It's John Woo. I don't know. So, who has way more data career than anyone here. Um, Tarantino may not be as violent as the characters in his movies, but he's so crazy that he makes Gary Busey look normal. The fact that he's even married is absolute bananas, and I feel like I should call Child Protective Services just to be safe.

[00:22:32] It takes less than half the runtime of Saving Private Ryan, free Indiana Jones movies, and two Sisu films to accomplish what Inglourious Bastards barely does, and that's killing Nazis. Your best friend, director Jim Jermush called. Still an indie filmmaker with talent. The Boondock Saints also called. Still more controversial than you, Quentin.

[00:23:00] All right, I'm going to pass it to Charlie again. All right. So, came up with a couple more while we were doing that. And also, since you just talked about Inglourious Bastards, this will fit in well there. Perfect. That, uh, Tarantino said that if his characters in Inglourious Bastards were real, that World War II would have ended earlier. That's a level of ego that only Kanye West can understand. Yeah. I'm going to let you finish. Yeah. And that Quentin is the only person that loves feet more than Dr. Scholes.

[00:23:33] You know, secretly, I think Quentin Tarantino wants to be a podiatrist. Might as well. Oh, that's great. That's fucking awesome. You're right, Tommy. He could be a pet veterinarian, and everyone would be okay with how weird he is. Just go for it. You know, normally when we do these roasts, right, it's sort of wrapped up like, ah, but, you know, it's a nice guy. But that's not the case here.

[00:24:01] And because really what makes this so aggravating about Tarantino is that he talks a bunch of shit on other people, right? That was the whole thing that had come up recently. So I'm going to take some of the things that he's said and we'll work off of that. For instance, he had told George Clooney that he hasn't been relevant in a long time. Wow.

[00:24:29] That he said he's not a movie star and that he has not had a relevant movie since the millennium. And I would say that's still 40 years more recently than your last bit of relevance. I mean, the dude is directed. He told when Spike Lee said that Django Unchained was disrespectful to his ancestors, Tarantino said he's talking all this shit instead of talking to me about it. He attacked me to keep his Jesse Jackson of cinema status. What?

[00:24:58] Yeah. Yeah. So I would like to say that if Jesse or if Spike Lee is the Jesse Jackson of cinema, then I would say that Quentin Tarantino is the Roger Corman of music. And that whole thing, you know, it's all started because he was talking shit on Paul Dano, which forced Daniel Day-Lewis to defend Paul Dano. When Daniel Day-Lewis comes out looking like the nice guy, you are really fucked. Yeah.

[00:25:32] During the shooting of Kill Bill, he had gotten into it with Uma Thurman a number of times. One of the quotes that she relays is that he had told her, you have to hit 40 miles an hour or your hair won't blow the right way and I'll make you do it again. But I think going back to everyone else's point, I think he meant 40 hours a mile based on how he films things.

[00:26:00] And finally, he went up against David Letterman, which is a huge mistake. Yes. And, you know, after Letterman said that he looked like a weasel, Tarantino said, I'm going to beat you to death. I'm going to kill you. I'm coming to New York and I'm going to beat the crap out of you. Wow. Which, you know, just a lot of humor there, really taking the joke well.

[00:26:22] And Letterman said that in response, because Letterman's best said this is a full blown clinically goofy guy. So, you know, just basically taking the anger. But I think if you're going to say goofy, I don't think he got the right Disney character. I'd say that he is the lesser known very there's a very obscure Disney character named overrated director mouse. I'd say that's more in line with him. He almost makes Joe Pesci look normal.

[00:26:50] I mean, like, I'm going to bust your face in. And he's like, this is not the record. This is not being in any character. He's like, what? We're being interviewed here. He'd clearly just heard, you know, that certain directors have been extremely difficult to their actors. Right. I mean, even Hitchcock was like this and stuff. And that the lesson he took away was be difficult to your actors, not make a good film. Yeah. He just seemed to think that was part of the persona. Right.

[00:27:19] That's part of being this auteur. But he was wrong. So. Yeah. I mean, he spent most of his free time just doing cameos. He's in the worst possible Muppet special being a guy with a sword and who tries to kill Kermit and wastes his time ranting on Bill Maher. So, yeah, I don't really take anything he says seriously. Although I don't really mind the foot thing. I do think it is one of the top 50 sexiest part of a woman. So. Wow. By praise.

[00:27:49] I'm putting Cliff on the watch list. Narrowly beating out the pancreas, I would say. Oh, my God. All right. So Mike is going to take it away. He just had a joke pop up in his head. Yeah. Kill Bill part one and two. We wait for two movies to have Bill show up and to do what? To extrapolate on the quality of Superman comic books. What does it have to do with anything in that movie?

[00:28:20] That's his idea of being clever, I guess. To be fair, Bill lost a fight to a leather belt. So when I was carrying. Sorry, confusing art with the artist. They filmed a flashback where clarity fights Michael J. White and he deleted that scene. I'm like, Quentin, buddy. Don't ever delete a fight scene. I don't care if it's not with the rest of the movie. You do not delete that. You don't delete Michael J. White like dynamite.

[00:28:49] So dear Tarantino, stop mistaking Internet trolling as being provocative. Stop ranting on your soulless podcast. And if you're just not going to shut up, then all I can ask of you at the very least is to stop being a cunt.

[00:29:10] I do think Tarantino could have a career resurgence because he might be the only director and writer that would actually be improved by AI. There you go. More generic ripping off. Thank God for that. I guess it is. I found out he lives in Tel Aviv in Israel. And, you know, not Tel Aviv, Massachusetts. OK, good. No, no, no.

[00:29:40] I bet you Hamas looks at his movies and says, OK, we don't blow up the motherfucker. He's done enough for everybody in the world. Yeah, I'll sign on it. They do. He's made our studios rich. And last of all, a guy Richie called. He needs someone else to steal from because he's tired of being compared to you. Oh, really loved Kill Bill Volume 1. I looked forward to Volume 2.

[00:30:07] And once I got into it, once I'm watching it, that movie was deader than David Carradine. Oh, there's another one. Too soon? No, no, no. I already made the joke that he lost a fight to a leather belt. So he deserves better. You should see evil tunes. Right. I trust a nymphomaniac like him over Tarantino. That's for sure.

[00:30:30] I mean, if anyone was old enough to watch the old Kung Fu show, they could have told you your hands don't move fast enough to get that belt down before you finish jerking off, buddy. I think he was doing the Captain. He looked like he was teaching elderly people how to move their arms after a stroke. Well, that's his dad. He was doing the Captain Kirk chop, which has zero impact. It's literally just like, what did you do? You just broke your hand, basically. Tai Chi looks frenetic next to his movements.

[00:30:59] I'm not roasting here to David Carradine, who I love, David Carradine. I'm just making fun of the show Kung Fu. It was miscast. That's kind of miscast. It was supposed to be Bruce Lee, right? Famously. The one Margaret Cho's got the joke Kung Fu or, hey, that guy's not Chinese. I haven't seen that kind of casting since Lee Van Cleef in The Master.

[00:31:30] I'm Mac Keller. Never say never again, probably, if we're going to do a Mount Rushmore of terrible, quote unquote, oriental. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Mickey Rooney is up there. Oh, God. That's right. Oh, my God. Yeah. Even he said, dude, take it down. Ruined an otherwise decent movie that is like anytime your aunts or grandparents are like, let's watch this. I'm like, pass.

[00:31:58] How about Marlon Brando and T-Hastle of the August Moon? Oh, God. Cam, when we're actually on the subject, remind me, I've got a good Mickey Rooney story or at least a Mickey Rooney story. We're on it now, so we might as well talk about Mickey Rooney. Oh, no. I'd done a film with him. It's A Christmas Too Many. Well, not like me and him were hanging out. I mean, I was working. I did lighting and electric, right? It was a grip. And it's called A Christmas Too Many. It's got a manual list. You look it all up.

[00:32:25] And we're sitting there – or sorry, Gary Coleman. Wow, that was – I don't know if that was racist against short people or black people, but either way. It was wrong. So who had the most telephone books on their – So Mickey Rooney's there and he's just ruining every fucking shot he's in. I mean, to be fair, the man was pretty old, but it sounds like he was always like this, right? He kept being like improvising, right? The joke was that he was like dead and they thought he was dead.

[00:32:55] And he was going to pop up and he'd be like, no, I'll do this instead. And they're like, fine, whatever. It was great time. And yeah. And so I'm – every single time he does this, right? We're like having to put the fucking lights back and get already. So I'm a little pissed off. And then he like pops up on one of these and he's like, hey, my water is empty. And he like shakes it at me. And I was like, get some more water then. I don't know. And he fucking talks to the director. And the director is like, can you get him some water? And I was like, do I look like a fucking PA?

[00:33:24] Like what the fuck? You know, like I don't give a shit. And he's like, that's Mickey Rooney. I was like, yeah, and he's out of water. Someone hurry up and help this man. I was like, what the fuck? I was like, you're not a big enough star anymore to kind of pull that shit. You know what I mean? I was like, what a dick. And most people when you're working on kind of those smaller films are like they're either on their way up or their way down. Right. And to not recognize that you are on their way fucking down. Best part about it, at the end, he married you.

[00:33:56] He did a film here in Iowa where he played a mentally handicapped guy, but I can't remember what the name of the film was. Bill. Was that it? I remember that. I like chicken. Yeah. Well, I'm sorry, Cliff, you went direct to video with him, the kid from Last Action Hero and Clint Howard and Marla Maples. Marla Maples, man, that was my biggest regret on that. Somebody had to. I caught her on a bad stunt fall and she started flirting. And if I had known what I know now.

[00:34:27] At the time, I was like, oh, an old lady. I think she was like 45 or something. Now I'm like, oh, young, nice. Yes. All I'm going to say is about Mickey Rooney when they said they made that movie Bill with him and Dennis Quaid and shit. And then they made another movie. And I was listening to Opie and Anthony one time and they were like saying, you know, they made a sequel to this. And like Anthony goes, yes, you love to win Bill. But Mickey Rooney is back with his bad toupee in Bill 2. He's still a fucking retard.

[00:34:58] And I went, oh, boy. They just say fucking retard. They said effing retard. And I was like, oh, God, he did. He like if you ever see the movie Bill, he wears this like toupee that looks like a dead, a dead squirrel just like went on his head. And the whole time he's I thought that was Tarantino. Oh, yeah. Well, you know, that's close. But there's this one part. There's this one part where he's at a dinner and he's like he's going, I like chicken.

[00:35:26] And he's like, it's like it's like the world's like I've I've watched that movie with Johnny Knoxville, The Ringer. Right. Yeah. And that was a great movie. But whenever you get somebody who is like doesn't know how to act like someone with special needs, it turns into a joke. Like if you watch Rosie O'Donnell riding on the sister riding on the bus with my sister, she's just acting very loudly.

[00:35:54] And they had somebody with special needs and they're like, we're not like that when we're on the bus. Yeah. You know, and I think when they did Bill, they were like, they're like, OK, we got to make him kind of like, you know, slow. So, of course, Mickey Rooney goes, I'll just talk like this and I'll just act like I don't know what's going on. Cringe. I'm like, Jesus. And then if you ever hear Dana Carvey, Dana Carvey and Mickey Rooney and who was it? Nathan Lane. They had a TV series, right?

[00:36:24] Called was called roommates or something like that. Roomies or something like that. Wow. Wow. Yeah. 1982, 83. That couldn't have been on long. Yeah. I think it was only on for like 13 weeks. But the great thing about it was if you see Carvey do Mickey Rooney on Saturday Night Live, that's how Mickey Rooney talked. He was like, there I was, a star. Bang. There I was on top of everything. The world. Yes.

[00:36:54] He loves doing that with all his celebrities. Oh, Jesus. Jesus Christ. I think, so I think Tarantino and Mickey Rooney are on the same planet because I think it all goes back to destiny turns on the radio. Yeah. Tarantino's finest acting role. My word. Who told him he could sing? I didn't watch a movie long enough to hear him sing. It sucks. It sucks. And I should probably rewatch it because I could have made more jokes out of it, but it's just so painful to watch.

[00:37:23] They should do a rip tracks of it. I don't even remember that coming out. It was like 87. I think it was on the shelf when he was still a video clerk and you're just like, oh, Tarantino. No, it had to be later than that. Yeah, it was later, but he'd already made a name for himself. It probably came out in 94, but it was, I think it dated back to 87 or 89 or something. Whatever. It doesn't matter. No one saw it because it sucked. And Mickey Rooney and David Curry demolished it.

[00:37:56] Came up with two more. I'm not going to claim either of these are great. These are within the last three minutes, but I know during the press tour of Once Upon a Time in Hollywood, there was some reporter that asked him a question about something and he just kind of interrupted and said, I reject your hypothesis. Just as a guy who's known to have his finger on race relations, is that his version of if the glove don't fit, you must acquit? Wow.

[00:38:24] And I know Quentin likes to rewrite history. Is he going to, what's he going to do next? Is he going to remake Death Proof and actually make it good then? He's going to join Info Wars and come up with other strange conspiracies that all the idiots believe. I wanted to remake Racket Girls. Why? So that would be, you can make something that you could just say, hey, look, I remade this and it's still a pile of shit.

[00:38:56] I mean. Well, I like Racket Girls, but with the Mystery Science Theater treatment, of course. Of course. Yeah. Of course. Yeah. Yeah. I don't think anyone's saying to watch it by itself. Back. They're going to do a limited run. Yep. Four movies. It's, and Trace is coming on. Yes. Trace and Frank are coming on. And Joe. I don't know how. Mary Jo. Yeah. Well, Joe, Joe, Joe hung it up.

[00:39:25] He, he sold it back to Shot Factory. So that's why the Riff Tracks guys are doing it. But yeah, they're definitely going to have to do some rewriting because when they brought it back last, they were like, hey, you know, earlier, J Elvis is still around. But yeah. Can you imagine what Tarantino would be like if he was like talking shit during a movie? Everyone would just be like, shut up. You're not Mystery Science Theater. That's more or less what his films are like, though. He's trying to put these like riffs into his film.

[00:39:52] And like I said, it's like at the first few times, like, oh, this is kind of funny. You know, that's like, you know, this sort of back and forth. And you're like, okay, I've got it. Yeah, it's shoehorn. There you go. Shoehorn. Nice. Charlie, would you say at your sports writing column, how many people on staff kind of remind you of Tarantino or a shit talker or Mr. Science Theater type riff? That's a good question. You know, you've got to be able to look inward at yourself.

[00:40:17] So I suppose I actually might be the most like that of everybody in the newsroom then, which is I didn't think about it that way before. But it's kind of a, you know, when you look in the mirror and you're like, wait, was it I that was the villain the entire time? I know Michael Jackson was. Oh, you're the baddies. Yeah. So with that, gang, I think we've said enough on Tarantino.