Wisdom, Self-Love and Some F%cking Intuition with Eboni Banks

[00:00:00] What is up all of my beautiful freaking people?

[00:00:03] Welcome back to another episode of FML Talk.

[00:00:07] We are going to dive into some intuition today.

[00:00:13] We are going to get you through some trauma

[00:00:15] and figure your fucking lives out.

[00:00:17] So sit back, grab a cocktail and welcome to FML Talk.

[00:00:21] Oh my God.

[00:00:22] Wait, how old was the other girl?

[00:00:23] 19.

[00:00:24] You believe that shit?

[00:00:25] Hey, this is Gabrielle Stone.

[00:00:27] Good book.

[00:00:27] I did not detect a sex addict.

[00:00:29] He did what?

[00:00:30] 48 hours?

[00:00:31] What a dick.

[00:00:32] Yeah, but have you seen all the photos on her Instagram?

[00:00:35] And this is FML Talk.

[00:00:37] Oh no she didn't.

[00:00:39] All right y'all,

[00:00:40] the wonderful, amazing Ebony Banks is here today.

[00:00:44] She is a spiritual teacher and we are going to dive in

[00:00:49] to all things surrounding your intuition,

[00:00:52] how to trust your gut.

[00:00:54] If you have made some poor decisions in your past

[00:00:58] and how to reconnect with your intuition

[00:01:01] and be able to allow it to guide you.

[00:01:04] We are going to talk about finding the light

[00:01:07] in the darkness, which I preach to you guys

[00:01:10] all the fucking time that is so incredibly important

[00:01:13] that when we go through those traumas

[00:01:15] and those really heavy experiences

[00:01:19] or those fucked up relationships

[00:01:21] that we are able to find the light within them

[00:01:25] and the purpose and why the hell we needed to go through it

[00:01:28] in the first place

[00:01:30] and how we can heal our trauma intuitively.

[00:01:33] So using your intuition to heal your trauma

[00:01:36] and really it's gonna just give you some guidance

[00:01:40] and some really good information

[00:01:42] on how you can start to better tap in

[00:01:46] to being in touch with yourself.

[00:01:49] So let's jump into the episode.

[00:01:51] Grab your fuck off I'm healing journals

[00:01:53] because you're probably gonna wanna free right

[00:01:55] after this one.

[00:02:01] Ebony Banks, beautiful, glorious woman before me.

[00:02:05] Welcome to FML Talk.

[00:02:06] How are you?

[00:02:07] I'm so good and thank you so much.

[00:02:10] I'm excited to be here.

[00:02:12] You are so welcome.

[00:02:13] I'm so thrilled to have you.

[00:02:14] Can you give my listeners just a really quick rundown

[00:02:18] of how you came to do the incredible work that you're doing

[00:02:22] and kind of like what your backstory is?

[00:02:24] Oh goodness, I don't know how quick it's gonna be

[00:02:27] because it's a lot.

[00:02:27] It's okay.

[00:02:28] We got a lot.

[00:02:29] It's been my whole life.

[00:02:30] So I guess I can start by saying I've been intuitive

[00:02:32] since I was a child and I was aware.

[00:02:35] I just didn't know the word intuitive

[00:02:38] and I didn't understand myself

[00:02:40] but I knew I was having experiences

[00:02:42] that other people weren't talking about

[00:02:45] or maybe even having.

[00:02:48] And I was raised in a Christian church

[00:02:49] and so I started to equate some of my experiences

[00:02:53] with like being spiritual at a young age

[00:02:55] and I understood that it was my connection

[00:02:58] to like God sometimes.

[00:02:59] And then sometimes I thought it was like,

[00:03:01] oh, I'm bad and I'm not supposed to know things

[00:03:03] people don't tell me.

[00:03:04] So I was all over the place, you know?

[00:03:06] And then I experienced some trauma

[00:03:09] that I repressed for many years in my 20s

[00:03:12] and my healing journey just kind of really brought

[00:03:14] all this to life for me

[00:03:16] because I was experiencing intuition.

[00:03:18] I've been experiencing it my whole life.

[00:03:20] It never like stopped,

[00:03:21] although that's how I processed it when I was an adolescent.

[00:03:24] I actually thought, oh, it left me.

[00:03:26] Same things aren't happening again.

[00:03:27] It has, it left me, you know?

[00:03:30] Then in my 20s, it started happening again

[00:03:32] and like so strong, I couldn't deny it.

[00:03:34] And then, you know, I learned I was clear tangent

[00:03:37] and it's just really been, you know,

[00:03:39] it's been my present, led me to my present life.

[00:03:42] Amazing.

[00:03:43] Can you explain to people what clear tangent means?

[00:03:45] Yes.

[00:03:46] So most people have probably heard of clairvoyant.

[00:03:49] You know, that's the most pop culture,

[00:03:51] the mostly well-known version

[00:03:53] we hear so much in pop culture.

[00:03:54] And clair, C-L-A-I-R, it just means clear.

[00:03:57] And then the ending of the word tells you

[00:03:59] what the gift is, you know?

[00:04:01] And so tangent means touch.

[00:04:03] So for me, it's clear, it means clear touch.

[00:04:05] So I have readings with clients where I touch them

[00:04:08] and I can get information about them.

[00:04:10] And I think about it as I'm essentially telling you

[00:04:13] what your body is telling me.

[00:04:15] That's like in the simplest way I can describe my sessions.

[00:04:18] And yeah, I do in-person and remote readings with clients

[00:04:21] and I've been doing it for 11 years.

[00:04:23] Oh my God, amazing.

[00:04:25] So what are some of the things that you can get in touch

[00:04:28] with when you touch someone?

[00:04:31] It really, it can literally be anything.

[00:04:33] It can be what is happening with them presently.

[00:04:35] It can be something from their past.

[00:04:37] It can be someone who they're close to.

[00:04:40] I pick up lovers, family members, children, parents.

[00:04:44] You know, it can absolutely be anything.

[00:04:47] Oh my God, that's so interesting.

[00:04:48] Okay, cool.

[00:04:49] Let's dive in because I feel like we've talked

[00:04:52] about intuition a bit on this show before.

[00:04:55] Oh, nice.

[00:04:57] Yeah, I always try and really get quiet

[00:05:00] and get in touch with my own self to like,

[00:05:03] whenever I'm gonna make decisions and such.

[00:05:05] But I think sometimes people can know the answer

[00:05:09] when they get quiet and then they'll be like,

[00:05:11] no, no, this is probably my head telling me

[00:05:13] that this is what I should do.

[00:05:15] So how do you really get in touch with your own intuition

[00:05:20] and learn how to trust what that's telling you?

[00:05:23] There's so many ways, you know,

[00:05:24] and it's gonna be different for everybody.

[00:05:27] And I always like to, you know, bring people

[00:05:29] to just understanding what does intuition mean for them?

[00:05:32] How do they define it?

[00:05:33] You know, because some people think about it

[00:05:35] as something that is not part of them.

[00:05:38] And some people think about it

[00:05:39] as something that is part of them.

[00:05:41] And depending on how you understand it,

[00:05:44] it's gonna impact your relationship with it.

[00:05:46] So I think it's really important to start

[00:05:47] with just getting really clear about what intuition is.

[00:05:50] And I always like to define it, you know,

[00:05:52] I take it back to that really popular saying

[00:05:54] that we're spiritual beings having a human experience,

[00:05:57] because that will really help set you up

[00:06:00] to understand intuition,

[00:06:02] because we are very familiar

[00:06:03] with the human experience part.

[00:06:05] We do that well.

[00:06:06] The spiritual part,

[00:06:07] we're still figuring out how to do that, you know?

[00:06:09] And I think intuition really helps us

[00:06:11] to figure out how to do that well,

[00:06:13] and to express and exercise that part about ourselves more,

[00:06:16] because intuition is that, exactly.

[00:06:18] It is your non-physical spiritual part of you

[00:06:22] that connects you to the creator,

[00:06:23] whatever you wanna call it, universe, God,

[00:06:25] whatever name you like to give it,

[00:06:27] energy, supreme intelligence.

[00:06:28] I call it all kinds of things, you know,

[00:06:30] depending on, I don't know why I change it,

[00:06:32] but I call it, it has multiple names for me.

[00:06:34] And it's that part of you that connects you to that.

[00:06:38] Hmm.

[00:06:39] You know, so understanding it from that perspective

[00:06:42] is the starting place.

[00:06:43] And then really getting out of your own way

[00:06:46] about who you think you are, you know?

[00:06:48] Because we have so many barriers

[00:06:52] and so many, you know, really narrow expressions

[00:06:56] for who we are as human beings, you know?

[00:06:58] And we're starting to expand more,

[00:07:01] but we still generally think of ourselves as,

[00:07:03] I guess, how can I say it?

[00:07:04] Like, you know, we think about coming from our parents

[00:07:08] and our families and our culture

[00:07:09] and our ethnicities and all those things,

[00:07:12] which again, we do the physical part very good.

[00:07:14] We're great at that.

[00:07:16] But who are we when we're not all those things?

[00:07:19] Yeah.

[00:07:20] Who are we in addition to being a woman,

[00:07:23] in addition to being, you know,

[00:07:25] from whatever culture, whatever language,

[00:07:28] like who are you in addition to that?

[00:07:30] Because that is just part of the story.

[00:07:32] Yeah, yeah, absolutely.

[00:07:34] And how do you think getting more in touch with that

[00:07:37] can help you create a better relationship with yourself?

[00:07:40] Ah, because it really brings you into a fuller awareness

[00:07:44] of the love that you are and the love that everybody is.

[00:07:47] You know?

[00:07:48] And so once you can understand that you are loved,

[00:07:50] you are much more easily able to treat other people

[00:07:53] in a loving way and to see them as love, right?

[00:07:56] That's just a basis.

[00:07:57] That's just like the very beginning,

[00:08:00] but it shows up in your life in so many ways

[00:08:02] because it changes all your internal conversations

[00:08:04] with yourself.

[00:08:05] It shifts your perception

[00:08:06] and how you experience your challenges and your pain

[00:08:09] and, you know, all the things that we deem as bad,

[00:08:13] you know, that we judge as bad.

[00:08:14] It shifts your perspective of all those things

[00:08:16] and it really gives you a more expansive view of life.

[00:08:20] So it happens in so many ways.

[00:08:23] Like you will literally have new eyes.

[00:08:25] Mm, yeah.

[00:08:27] Talk to me about some of the physical and emotional cues

[00:08:31] that kind of like help us realize

[00:08:35] what our intuition is trying to tell us.

[00:08:37] Did you say physical and emotional?

[00:08:39] Yeah.

[00:08:40] Yeah, okay.

[00:08:41] Yeah, absolutely.

[00:08:42] So, and these are things we're doing all the time.

[00:08:43] So my, the way I have come to understand intuition

[00:08:46] is that everyone is using it all day, every day,

[00:08:48] even if you don't believe in it.

[00:08:50] You know?

[00:08:51] Because it's impossible not to engage this part of yourself.

[00:08:54] It is as ever present as your breath, you know?

[00:08:58] And so some of the physical cues, you know,

[00:09:01] we will constrict our bodies in a million ways

[00:09:04] when we're uncomfortable.

[00:09:05] You know, some people will clench their teeth,

[00:09:06] they'll curl their toes, they'll tighten their hips,

[00:09:08] they'll cross their arms, right?

[00:09:11] Like all of that is information.

[00:09:13] The way your body is responding

[00:09:15] is giving you information about how you truly feel

[00:09:18] in that moment, right?

[00:09:19] And so it's really important to pay attention to that.

[00:09:21] And then emotional cues,

[00:09:24] the first thing that's coming to mind

[00:09:25] is like when you have a strong like or dislike for someone

[00:09:28] and you don't really know why, right?

[00:09:30] Like trust it, don't judge it, don't try to be polite.

[00:09:33] Don't trust it.

[00:09:34] If someone is in your energy

[00:09:36] and you have a really strong dislike for them

[00:09:39] and you recognize that it's not logical, you know,

[00:09:43] still trust it because some other part of you

[00:09:46] is bringing your awareness and your attention to something.

[00:09:48] It doesn't mean that person is bad.

[00:09:50] It doesn't mean that person is horrible

[00:09:52] or you shouldn't speak or engage, you know, with that person.

[00:09:55] It will depend on your scenario,

[00:09:56] but it is giving you information

[00:09:58] and you should pay attention to that kind of information.

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[00:11:22] I think so many times we have been taught by society,

[00:11:31] by our parents, by our teachers

[00:11:33] that we have to act a certain way,

[00:11:36] be polite to a certain degree.

[00:11:39] And I think that a lot of times fucks with our intuition.

[00:11:42] Like we're like, no, no,

[00:11:44] this is telling me to go the opposite way

[00:11:46] and this is telling me that I should not be doing this

[00:11:49] but if I'm going to be accepted by so-and-so

[00:11:54] then I need to go on this path

[00:11:55] or you're supposed to finish college

[00:11:56] or you're supposed to, you know,

[00:11:58] whatever the belief is that we've been taught.

[00:12:01] A lot of times if it's going against our intuition

[00:12:05] we will push our intuition down and be like,

[00:12:08] no, I'm not gonna trust what that gut feeling is telling me

[00:12:11] because this is the norm, this is what I should be doing,

[00:12:13] this is what everybody thinks is best.

[00:12:16] Absolutely, and it can come from people who love you dearly,

[00:12:20] who really only wish you well.

[00:12:22] And so it's really hard to think that those,

[00:12:25] to not wanna listen to when those people

[00:12:27] are telling you things that they really believe

[00:12:29] in their heart of hearts is best for you.

[00:12:32] You know, and it's really,

[00:12:33] I just posted something today on my Instagram about,

[00:12:35] you know, trusting your intuition

[00:12:36] is really about thinking for yourself.

[00:12:39] It teaches you, it requires you,

[00:12:41] I think is how I worded it,

[00:12:42] it requires you to think for yourself

[00:12:44] because it's not possible for the person

[00:12:48] who loves you the most in the world

[00:12:50] and knows you better than anyone else,

[00:12:52] it's not possible for that person

[00:12:53] to know what is best for you.

[00:12:56] It's just literally not possible.

[00:12:58] Even if you're someone who is not introspective

[00:13:01] and you don't know how to pay attention to yourself,

[00:13:04] you still have the awareness inside of you

[00:13:07] and you can choose to change that

[00:13:10] because your awareness is never going away.

[00:13:12] How you access that awareness

[00:13:14] and if you choose to access is on you,

[00:13:16] but the awareness that always lives inside of you,

[00:13:19] you know, and that's why it's not possible

[00:13:21] for someone else to know you better than you.

[00:13:24] It's just simply not possible.

[00:13:25] They can't access the truth of all the things

[00:13:29] that all the feelings, all the beliefs,

[00:13:32] like your truths in the way that you can.

[00:13:34] They can access what you've told them

[00:13:36] and what you've shown them,

[00:13:37] which may give them some information,

[00:13:39] but when it comes to like the really intimate,

[00:13:42] tender, delicate, you know, those real truths,

[00:13:45] like no one else knows that but you.

[00:13:48] Yeah, oh, I love that.

[00:13:50] There was so much goodness in what you just said.

[00:13:52] If someone has been in a relationship

[00:13:56] where they either were cheated on or lied to

[00:14:01] or something really like bad and traumatic has happened,

[00:14:04] how would you tell them

[00:14:07] to start trusting their intuition again

[00:14:09] if they're coming from a place of,

[00:14:11] well, I thought this was what I wanted

[00:14:13] and I ended up leaving with a bunch of trauma

[00:14:16] and tears from it.

[00:14:18] So how, after a bad experience,

[00:14:21] would you tell someone to start getting in touch

[00:14:24] with their intuition again

[00:14:25] and learning to feel safe trusting it?

[00:14:28] Yeah, absolutely.

[00:14:29] And I mean, I can speak from personal experience.

[00:14:31] You know, I've definitely been hurt by several people,

[00:14:34] you know, in life, lovers and non-lovers.

[00:14:37] So I've learned that it's really important

[00:14:39] to not end relationships before you get the lesson.

[00:14:43] Mm, oh my God, say that again.

[00:14:47] I have learned not to end relationships

[00:14:50] before you get the lesson.

[00:14:51] I am, you know, I'm forgiving and, you know,

[00:14:55] I'm just open-hearted and empathetic.

[00:14:58] It's just my nature, right?

[00:14:59] And so I have definitely,

[00:15:02] and the way I've come to understand things

[00:15:04] because of my spiritual belief

[00:15:05] is that everything is teaching me something.

[00:15:08] You know, everything is being presented for my good.

[00:15:11] Even if I cry, even if it hurts, you're right.

[00:15:14] It ultimately is evolving me

[00:15:16] into a better understanding of myself.

[00:15:18] Really has nothing to do with that other person.

[00:15:20] That person just showed up to show me,

[00:15:23] you know, where I needed to do work.

[00:15:24] So that's how I look at it.

[00:15:26] I mean, if you're really in a lot of pain,

[00:15:28] the hard part is you're gonna have to find a way

[00:15:30] to soothe yourself before you do anything

[00:15:32] because being in pain will keep you

[00:15:35] from accessing your intuition.

[00:15:37] So you have to find a way to soothe yourself

[00:15:39] and to feel better, and that can take some time.

[00:15:41] And, you know, I suggest you give yourself all the time

[00:15:43] in the world that you need, you know, to feel better.

[00:15:45] And then once you are in a better feeling good space,

[00:15:49] then you will like, it's like magically,

[00:15:51] other things will come to mind for you

[00:15:54] because while you're in pain,

[00:15:55] you're so like tightly, you know, wound

[00:15:58] that you won't be able to access a lot of information.

[00:16:02] You have to like loosen up,

[00:16:04] get into a better feeling place

[00:16:05] before you'll be able to access your intuition.

[00:16:07] So I guess that's where I would start.

[00:16:08] If it's someone who's in deep pain,

[00:16:10] like go through that, cry, curse, do what you need to do,

[00:16:14] but don't stay there for too long.

[00:16:16] Also start to incorporate things

[00:16:17] that will make you feel better.

[00:16:20] Yeah, absolutely.

[00:16:21] We talk a lot about that on this show.

[00:16:23] I call it the self-love cocktail,

[00:16:24] like making a list of things that you need to do

[00:16:28] for yourself that are gonna help you move through that

[00:16:30] and make you feel better.

[00:16:31] Yes.

[00:16:32] You said something that I so resonate with,

[00:16:34] which is no matter what you're going through,

[00:16:37] there's a lesson in that, whether it's good or bad,

[00:16:41] or, you know, I mean, my ex,

[00:16:44] it was like the lesson was dropped in my lap,

[00:16:46] slapped across my face, like poured over me.

[00:16:49] It was like, okay, has she gotten the lesson yet?

[00:16:51] But yes, I believe that you have to be able to learn

[00:16:54] and accept those lessons before you can truly feel at peace

[00:16:58] within yourself to move forward.

[00:17:00] Yes.

[00:17:01] And for me, you know,

[00:17:02] I've gone through a lot of traumas throughout my life

[00:17:05] and I can look back on them and say,

[00:17:09] I can see the lessons and why those needed to happen,

[00:17:13] even if it sucks or I wouldn't wanna go through it again,

[00:17:16] but everything I feel happened for a reason in my life.

[00:17:20] So I know you talk a lot about finding the light

[00:17:22] in the darkness and we really see eye to eye on that.

[00:17:27] So can you just kind of like touch on your thoughts

[00:17:30] and feelings around that?

[00:17:32] Yes, and I'm so happy to share this information too

[00:17:36] because understanding darkness has really been pivotal

[00:17:39] in my healing journey, you know?

[00:17:40] And I should start by saying

[00:17:42] I don't believe in good and bad, right?

[00:17:44] It's just not in my realm of understanding anymore.

[00:17:47] And so, you know, it spills over to understanding light

[00:17:50] and dark too, because for me, what I now understand is,

[00:17:53] you know, light is just information

[00:17:55] and dark is the unknown, right?

[00:17:56] And I also think about light as consciousness

[00:17:59] and dark as subconsciousness.

[00:18:01] So all the things that we deem dark, bad, evil,

[00:18:03] whatever the case may be, are really just parts of ourselves

[00:18:07] and our life experience that is unknown and subconscious

[00:18:11] that is trying to make its way to the light, you know?

[00:18:13] There's like a bridge between the two.

[00:18:16] And so if you find yourself in dark places,

[00:18:19] it really just means that you,

[00:18:21] there's a lot of unknowns about who you are,

[00:18:24] likely because you haven't listened to your intuition

[00:18:26] and you've been following things

[00:18:27] that people have been telling you are true

[00:18:29] and right for you.

[00:18:30] But it's about finding out like who you are,

[00:18:32] like on a core level, at your spiritual level,

[00:18:35] who are you and allowing yourself to not judge

[00:18:39] what comes up when you're learning more

[00:18:40] about who you are in that space.

[00:18:42] And then it becomes conscious, then it becomes the light.

[00:18:45] It bridges once you have that information

[00:18:47] and then you're no longer in the dark about it.

[00:18:49] So the whole love and light thing, I'm so over it.

[00:18:53] If I never hear that phrase again in my life,

[00:18:57] I'll be perfectly happy.

[00:18:59] And my birth name is Ebony, right?

[00:19:01] So Ebony means dark.

[00:19:03] And so it's funny that like,

[00:19:04] this is how I've seen things and this is who I am.

[00:19:08] But I just think we have that whole love and light thing.

[00:19:12] It's not that it's wrong, it's just not the full story.

[00:19:14] Mm-hmm, yeah.

[00:19:16] Can you give me an example of something

[00:19:18] you've been through in your life

[00:19:20] that would present itself as a dark, painful thing

[00:19:24] and what lessons you got from it?

[00:19:28] Yes, absolutely.

[00:19:29] So probably the biggest one is my trauma,

[00:19:31] for many years.

[00:19:33] And repression is subconscious, right?

[00:19:36] Repression was me living in the dark

[00:19:38] because on the outside my life was fine.

[00:19:40] People might even say I was thriving, right?

[00:19:43] But I wasn't.

[00:19:44] Like for what I'm actually capable of,

[00:19:46] I was not thriving and I was not happy.

[00:19:48] And I didn't know why because I had repressed my trauma

[00:19:51] and I hadn't addressed it yet.

[00:19:53] And so that's probably the biggest example I can give.

[00:19:56] I'm acting out in all these ways that I didn't understand

[00:20:00] and was harshly judging myself for it

[00:20:03] because a lot of that behavior was hurtful to other people.

[00:20:06] And then once I understood it,

[00:20:09] it just all made sense.

[00:20:10] I understood, oh, I was repressing this horrible thing

[00:20:13] that happened to me that I had not dealt with

[00:20:15] and definitely hadn't healed from.

[00:20:18] So that's why all this behavior,

[00:20:20] this is why my life was like the way it was

[00:20:22] in so many instances

[00:20:23] and why I was exhibiting hurtful behavior.

[00:20:26] Yeah, were you aware that you had the trauma

[00:20:29] or was it something that you like had pushed so far down

[00:20:31] you like had blocked it out of your brain?

[00:20:33] Yeah, that's exactly what repression is.

[00:20:35] It's a mental defense mechanism

[00:20:38] where the person is exhibiting things,

[00:20:40] but nobody, everyone thought I was well, right?

[00:20:43] For whatever reason, but I was not.

[00:20:46] And even though I was exhibiting all these behaviors,

[00:20:50] I had no idea why, had zero idea why.

[00:20:54] Wow, and what was it that like brought that to the surface

[00:20:57] that made you kind of wake up to that?

[00:20:59] I think it was several things.

[00:21:01] The way I process it,

[00:21:02] it was happening like over several years.

[00:21:05] Yoga was a big part of that for me,

[00:21:07] big part of like bringing it to my awareness

[00:21:09] because it put me in my body in a different way.

[00:21:11] And it just, I just loved yoga.

[00:21:15] I'm a yogi present day.

[00:21:16] Like I still practice yoga very much.

[00:21:18] It's a big part of my life.

[00:21:19] And I did lots of crystal therapy and meditation

[00:21:23] and spent a lot of time alone

[00:21:25] and retreated from my social circle.

[00:21:27] And I remember speaking to Dr. James Gordon,

[00:21:29] who's a medical doctor

[00:21:30] who writes a lot on trauma and healing.

[00:21:33] And I asked him the same question you just asked me.

[00:21:35] And he said that the brain and the body

[00:21:37] are always in constant conversation,

[00:21:40] and that there's a connatural conversation.

[00:21:42] That's the word that is used to describe that relationship

[00:21:45] that is always existing.

[00:21:46] And so all those loving things I was doing,

[00:21:49] the yoga, the meditation, the crystal therapy,

[00:21:51] being by myself, all these things

[00:21:53] ultimately led me to have a healthy enough conversation

[00:21:57] with myself where I could admit

[00:21:58] that this horrible thing happened to me.

[00:22:01] But I also went through a depression too.

[00:22:03] So it was a lot.

[00:22:04] It was, you know, I was depressed for at least a year,

[00:22:07] maybe two.

[00:22:08] Wow.

[00:22:09] Yeah.

[00:22:10] And when you got to the point

[00:22:11] where you could have that conversation with yourself

[00:22:13] and admit that to yourself,

[00:22:14] was it surprising to you?

[00:22:16] Were you like, oh my God, I forgot about this?

[00:22:18] Or were you like, oh, I remember this happening

[00:22:20] and this is where all of this is stemming from?

[00:22:22] No, I remember everything.

[00:22:24] When you remember, like you remember everything,

[00:22:26] even since I could remember, you know?

[00:22:29] But I was on the phone with a friend

[00:22:30] when it just came out of my mouth.

[00:22:33] I was talking to a friend

[00:22:34] who was talking about some trauma he had experienced

[00:22:36] and it literally just came out of my mouth.

[00:22:38] And that was the first time I think I said it to me

[00:22:40] or to anyone.

[00:22:41] It just came out of my mouth on the phone one day.

[00:22:45] Yeah.

[00:22:46] Wow.

[00:22:47] Yeah.

[00:22:56] Okay, so let's talk about healing trauma intuitively.

[00:23:00] So someone, and I know we kind of just started

[00:23:03] getting into that with what you just described,

[00:23:05] but if someone's gone through a trauma

[00:23:07] and they're aware of it

[00:23:08] and they're like ready to heal it,

[00:23:10] what are some steps that you can use

[00:23:13] to heal trauma intuitively?

[00:23:16] There are very practical things that you can do.

[00:23:19] Just start by being alone.

[00:23:20] I mean, that's the biggest one I share

[00:23:22] because when we are alone,

[00:23:23] it's incredible how much we can hear from ourselves.

[00:23:27] Yes.

[00:23:28] And some people don't like to be alone,

[00:23:31] and it's really detrimental to the entirety of your health,

[00:23:34] emotional, physical, all of it, mental.

[00:23:37] But I always like to share with people

[00:23:38] that it's really important to spend time alone

[00:23:41] and to not judge what comes up

[00:23:44] because the beautiful thing about intuition

[00:23:46] is that it can access the entirety of our life experience

[00:23:50] in a way that our brain can't access it

[00:23:52] because it doesn't forget anything.

[00:23:54] There are no blocks.

[00:23:55] There's no repressed memories.

[00:23:56] It's all in your intuition.

[00:23:58] And it can see beyond what our physical eyes can see

[00:24:01] in terms of people who can like see auras

[00:24:03] in our clairvoyant, right?

[00:24:04] Which I put all the clairs under intuition.

[00:24:08] And so, it's really important to not judge what comes up

[00:24:12] because there'll be things that your brain has forgotten

[00:24:15] that your intuition has not.

[00:24:17] And you have to be able to receive those things

[00:24:20] and to like understand why it's coming up for you.

[00:24:23] And also just really paying an extreme amount

[00:24:26] of like awareness to yourself.

[00:24:28] All the ways that our body is communicating with us,

[00:24:32] our body and our emotions.

[00:24:34] And if you can pay so much attention

[00:24:36] that you can connect, pay attention to yourself

[00:24:39] in a way that when you have a particular thought

[00:24:41] about something, you recognize how your body

[00:24:43] is responding to that thought

[00:24:44] and you're able to understand like what that means.

[00:24:48] Like that's ideal and you will get there.

[00:24:50] Like there's that much communication happening

[00:24:52] just within ourselves all day long.

[00:24:54] So, it's really about paying extreme awareness to yourself

[00:24:57] and how you are responding to the thoughts

[00:24:59] that you're having.

[00:25:00] And being honest with yourself is like another huge one.

[00:25:04] Yeah.

[00:25:05] Being honest about when you're in pain,

[00:25:08] you know, what you like, what you don't like,

[00:25:10] what you want and not connecting it

[00:25:12] to how you're gonna get what you want

[00:25:14] or how you're going to get out of pain.

[00:25:16] Just acknowledge that this is where you are, you know?

[00:25:19] Because your intuition won't be able to guide you

[00:25:22] if you're not telling yourself the truth.

[00:25:24] Yeah.

[00:25:25] You'll be sending mixed messages to yourself.

[00:25:27] So, even if you tell no one else the truth,

[00:25:29] you have to tell yourself the truth internally, you know?

[00:25:32] Right, right.

[00:25:33] And I think that that can bleed over to being

[00:25:36] if you're in a relationship,

[00:25:38] you have to be able to communicate how you're feeling

[00:25:41] and tell your honest truth to your partner,

[00:25:45] not for the outcome of they're gonna change,

[00:25:48] they're gonna fix this,

[00:25:49] I'm gonna stop feeling this way,

[00:25:50] but just to be like, look,

[00:25:51] I don't necessarily have the outcome of how this plays out,

[00:25:55] but I need you to know how I'm feeling.

[00:25:58] So you can at least recognize that.

[00:26:00] And I don't think we do that often enough, you know,

[00:26:03] whether it's a significant other relationship

[00:26:05] or like any type of relationship that you have in your life,

[00:26:08] like telling people how you feel is such an important thing.

[00:26:14] But you know what?

[00:26:14] I would take it a step further

[00:26:15] and you're not telling them how you feel for their benefit.

[00:26:19] Like you want to do it for you.

[00:26:21] Yes.

[00:26:22] And like remove them from the picture.

[00:26:24] It really has nothing to do with them.

[00:26:26] That person is just showing up to bring your awareness

[00:26:30] to something that you need to know about yourself.

[00:26:33] So telling them is great if you, you know,

[00:26:35] but it's really, it's not about them at all

[00:26:37] because once you have that awareness for yourself,

[00:26:40] then it shifts everything, you know?

[00:26:42] And so it really has nothing to do with the other person.

[00:26:44] I used to even go so far as think that like love

[00:26:47] and in particular romantic love is really like a,

[00:26:49] it's like a singular solitary endeavor.

[00:26:52] It really has nothing to do with the other person.

[00:26:54] They're just the mirror to show you like all the things

[00:26:57] that you're needing or wanting for yourself

[00:27:00] and you get to, you know, that's all it is.

[00:27:03] Yep. Oh my God.

[00:27:04] We talk about that all the time.

[00:27:05] Do you really?

[00:27:07] Yeah. The fact that relationships show up into your life

[00:27:09] to mirror something that you need to fix or work on

[00:27:11] or heal or be aware of.

[00:27:13] Yes.

[00:27:14] And you don't even have to have the other part,

[00:27:17] like once you recognize it,

[00:27:19] you don't even have to involve the other person.

[00:27:21] Right. You're like, thank you.

[00:27:23] I'll see you later.

[00:27:24] You've done your job.

[00:27:25] Appreciate it.

[00:27:27] You mentioned something that was one of the biggest things

[00:27:31] with healing your trauma intuitively and that's being alone.

[00:27:34] Yeah.

[00:27:35] I tell people all the time after I took my solo trip

[00:27:38] that that was-

[00:27:39] Where'd you go?

[00:27:40] I went all over girl.

[00:27:41] The first one I went unexpectedly

[00:27:43] after my ex broke up with me

[00:27:45] and it was London, Amsterdam, Paris, Barcelona,

[00:27:50] Rome, Mykonos and Sicily.

[00:27:52] Love it.

[00:27:53] So six countries.

[00:27:54] And then my second one I took by choice

[00:27:56] and that was Vietnam, Thailand and Bali.

[00:27:59] And both of them brought me like so much healing

[00:28:03] and so much clarity because I was alone.

[00:28:06] And so often we don't realize that like,

[00:28:09] we're like, yeah, I spend time alone all the time

[00:28:11] with Netflix on in the background, scrolling on TikTok,

[00:28:15] like texting five different people.

[00:28:16] Like you're not alone.

[00:28:18] That's not being alone.

[00:28:20] Yes.

[00:28:20] Oh, and that's such a good point.

[00:28:22] Thank you for saying that

[00:28:23] because there is very much a difference

[00:28:25] between like being by yourself and like spending time.

[00:28:28] Like it's not, is that how I want to say it?

[00:28:30] Being by yourself.

[00:28:31] And being with yourself.

[00:28:33] And being with yourself.

[00:28:34] Yeah. Maybe that's how to say it because yeah.

[00:28:37] Yeah. People get confused with that all the time.

[00:28:39] And it's funny because what else did you just say

[00:28:42] that you hit on?

[00:28:43] It made me think of this Twin Flames documentary

[00:28:44] that I just saw on Netflix.

[00:28:45] Have you seen it?

[00:28:46] I have not, but God help us

[00:28:49] that there's a documentary on Twin Flames now

[00:28:50] because every toxic ex is like,

[00:28:53] that's why we're not together.

[00:28:55] He's my twin flame.

[00:28:56] And I'm like, no girl, no.

[00:28:57] Oh gosh.

[00:28:58] That document, it was so,

[00:28:59] I watched the whole thing in one sitting

[00:29:01] because I was just kind of shocked

[00:29:03] because all the people who were so deeply hurt

[00:29:06] that are mentioned in the documentary,

[00:29:07] I just couldn't get over how at no point

[00:29:10] did they listen to themselves.

[00:29:12] Like if you take nothing away from that documentary,

[00:29:16] whoever's listening to this,

[00:29:18] please always listen to yourself.

[00:29:20] Like it just blew me away.

[00:29:21] That is essentially the basis for these horrible experiences

[00:29:26] that these poor dear souls have had.

[00:29:29] They were listening to these other people tell them

[00:29:31] like what to do and how to manage and regulate their life

[00:29:34] when it felt so horrible for them.

[00:29:36] So they were completely going against their intuition.

[00:29:39] If you feel bad,

[00:29:40] that's like you should pay attention to that.

[00:29:43] It's not a sign that you're supposed to feel more bad.

[00:29:46] Yeah.

[00:29:47] Yeah.

[00:29:48] If you feel like shit,

[00:29:49] start listening to yourself and your gut more.

[00:29:51] Yes.

[00:29:52] It's like very as simple as that.

[00:29:54] It is.

[00:29:56] And when I was on my trip,

[00:29:58] I did a lot of writing and journaling.

[00:30:00] And I think that that's such a great way to,

[00:30:04] when you're free writing and allowing just like thoughts

[00:30:07] and feelings and emotions to come out,

[00:30:09] a lot of times you'll look back on that and be like,

[00:30:11] oh my God, I don't even really remember writing that

[00:30:13] or being like really surprised about something

[00:30:16] that came out.

[00:30:17] So I feel like that's a really good way

[00:30:18] you can kind of get out of your conscious mind

[00:30:21] and allow yourself to like tap into your intuitive self.

[00:30:26] Absolutely.

[00:30:27] And also really managing negative self-talk is a big one,

[00:30:30] you know, countering whatever you're saying to yourself,

[00:30:33] counter it with the opposite, like immediately.

[00:30:36] And it doesn't matter if you believe it or not.

[00:30:37] It just matters that you say it,

[00:30:39] that you acknowledge something different

[00:30:41] than the negative self-talk

[00:30:43] because that helps it to get

[00:30:44] into your subconscious mind too, you know?

[00:30:47] And really trusting yourself in small ways

[00:30:49] because being able to get to the point where, you know,

[00:30:53] like I think everyone is clear of something by the way.

[00:30:56] I don't know if I said that.

[00:30:57] And so being able to get to the point

[00:30:59] where I trust myself with my readings, with my clients,

[00:31:02] these are people I've never met before.

[00:31:03] I'm telling them things I have no,

[00:31:06] I don't know how I know, right?

[00:31:07] Yeah.

[00:31:08] But I trust myself enough to like say it

[00:31:10] and have it come out of my mouth, right?

[00:31:12] Trusting yourself in small ways is also very helpful

[00:31:16] because so much of it is that we don't trust ourselves

[00:31:19] because we don't see ourselves as loving and divine

[00:31:22] because we only see the half that's human

[00:31:24] and we ignore the loving and divine aspect of us, you know?

[00:31:28] I love that.

[00:31:29] Oh, that's beautiful.

[00:31:31] On that note, Ebony, thank you so much for coming on

[00:31:33] and sharing all of these wonderful gifts

[00:31:36] and insights with us.

[00:31:37] Can you please tell everybody where they can come

[00:31:39] and find you and all of the things?

[00:31:41] I think the best place is probably my Instagram

[00:31:44] at intuitiveebonywrites.

[00:31:45] I list so many tips on there,

[00:31:47] probably things I've forgotten to say here.

[00:31:49] So that's a good place to follow me.

[00:31:52] And I have a website, ebonybanks.me

[00:31:54] and Ebony is E-B-O-N-I.

[00:31:56] Awesome.

[00:31:57] Thank you so much for being here.

[00:31:58] I so appreciate it.

[00:32:00] Thank you.

[00:32:05] I wanna thank Ebony so much for coming on.

[00:32:08] I hope this episode gave you a little bit more guidance

[00:32:11] into tapping into your intuition,

[00:32:13] some things that you can do to really drop in

[00:32:17] and start practicing listening and trusting yourself.

[00:32:22] Take those solo trips, guys.

[00:32:23] You don't have to go across the world.

[00:32:25] You can go to a neighboring state.

[00:32:28] You can go to a different city.

[00:32:30] You can go on a hike, on a camping trip.

[00:32:33] Like just go be by yourself with no distractions,

[00:32:37] with none of the bullshit.

[00:32:38] I promise it is so incredibly important and powerful

[00:32:44] to cut out the noise, to really get in touch with yourself.

[00:32:47] Because how the fuck is your intuition

[00:32:50] supposed to be telling you some shit

[00:32:52] if it's drowned out by the Netflix and the TikTok

[00:32:55] and the annoying ass mother-in-law

[00:32:57] and all of the fucking things?

[00:32:59] We need to remove ourselves to get quiet,

[00:33:02] to spend that time with ourselves, to be alone,

[00:33:05] to learn how to love ourselves

[00:33:07] and to really just sit with what our little person inside

[00:33:11] is wanting and needing.

[00:33:12] I love you guys so much.

[00:33:13] I will see you next week.

[00:33:19] All right, FMLers, if you don't want to miss an episode,

[00:33:22] make sure to follow on your favorite podcast app.

[00:33:25] And if you're loving the show,

[00:33:27] drop us a five-star rating and leave a review.

[00:33:30] You can keep up with me on Instagram at Gabrielle Stone

[00:33:33] or the podcast page at FML Talk Podcast

[00:33:36] For all the merch and books signed personally by me,

[00:33:39] you can shop the FML line on eatpreyfml.com.

[00:33:44] And as always, have a fucking self-love cocktail on me.

[00:33:48] Cheers.

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