Unf%ck your Relationship with Michelle Panning

[00:00:00] What is up all of my beautiful freaking people? Welcome back to another episode of FML Talk. Y'all it is a fun girl talk episode today with so much goodness about relationships and on fucking yourself from relationships, and really having

[00:00:20] some compassion and getting the fuck through it. So sit back, grab a cocktail and welcome to FML Talk. Oh my wait, how old was the other girl? 19. You believe that? Hey, this is Gabrielle Stone. I did not inject her sex addiction. He did what? 48 hours? What a dick.

[00:00:37] Yeah. But have you seen all the photos on her Instagram? And this is FML Talk. Oh no she didn't. All right, y'all Michelle Panning from Unfuck Your Relationships podcast is here. This is such a fun episode

[00:00:52] right out of the gate. She hit me with like a bomb that I was like, oh my god would not have not have expected this from you and it ended up being such a wildly fun episode and please

[00:01:02] for whatever you do stay till the very end because the last question I asked her was for just my own humor and was like just humor me Michelle, please give me this story and it did not fucking disappoint. My jaw was on the fucking floor. But

[00:01:20] before we get to that, we're going to give you a lot of goodness that's actually going to help you fix your life. We really get into having some compassion for the men in the world and how we've been able to shift our perspectives from

[00:01:36] being fucked over in the past. Really how you can create a secure attachment in a relationship when you've come from nothing but insecure fucked up attachments and really how you can build strong relationships in your life. This

[00:01:53] is just it's, it's a golden episode you guys. So I hope you all enjoy and laugh along with us because Michelle is a fucking doll. Let's get into it. Miss Michelle, welcome to FML talk. I'm so fucking happy to have you here. How are you?

[00:02:16] I am fucking amazing. Thank you so much for having me here. You're so welcome. I love your vibe. We connect on so many different levels. I'm so excited for this episode. So before we get into like your epic podcast of how to unfuck your

[00:02:31] relationship, can you tell me a little bit about your come to Jesus moment of like what sent you on the path to wanting to do what you do? Yeah. So for some background and context, I was a stripper for 11 years. And

[00:02:49] wait, I need to know this. No, and I need so much more info on that. Like what? Yeah. So I started stripping when I was 19. Okay. And the whole God, there's, I could go into a whole tangent about that.

[00:03:05] But I would have sworn up until probably near the end of my stripping career that I only did it for money. And this is part of the come to Jesus moment of it was way deeper than money.

[00:03:19] Like, yes, I made great money. But also, I got endless amounts of attention and validation. And you're so amazing. And you're so beautiful. And you're so hot and that and like, guys are literally paying me to see me naked and to hang out with them and talk to

[00:03:36] them. And I was like, the greatest thing since sliced bread, until someone would say no to a lap dance. And then I'd see them like two seconds later walk off with someone else. And my entire sense of self worth would plummet into the ground

[00:03:53] below me. And that's how I I mean, I didn't know what that was then. But now I look back, I'm like, Oh, I had completely circumstantial confidence. I'm confident when things are going well, I'm confident when people are paying attention to me. But

[00:04:07] what happens when people aren't paying attention to me? And I'm not getting that steady stream of validation. Oh, I have no fucking self worth because it's built on a house of cards. Right? So my relationship to men, with just so many reasons, but you

[00:04:23] can imagine working in the sex industry, my relationship to men was not the best. Yeah, I didn't see the best of the best of men, which is crazy, because I teach about loving men. Now that's part of what I teach. And so when people say, Oh, but maybe

[00:04:40] you've always been that way. I'm like, No, no, no, no, I walked into a workshop about healing our relationship to men. And I just said, men are pieces of shit. And I don't understand why I should want to love them. So I've come a long way, let's just

[00:04:53] say. So I had been in multiple different relationships, I could never seem to get past like the eight month mark, I had a couple that were like a year, but that eight month mark was really where things would start to go to shit. And I was in this

[00:05:12] relationship, this is back in 2018. And I went to this festival called the mind body spirit festival. And I went with my partner at the time. And they have all these tarot readers and psychics there. And I was like, I'm gonna book a reading. And

[00:05:28] at this time, I was kind of uncertain about the relationship. Like it was rocky, there were so many red flags, like it was a fucking carnival, you would not believe how many red flags there were. But I was like, but the sex is so great.

[00:05:44] We're meant for each other. But I went into this psychic tarot reading. And I kind of just said, you know, I'm feeling a bit uncertain about my relationship. So I'd love some clarity. And she said, Michelle, he is the one. He sees marriage and

[00:06:01] children with you. And you are the one who was holding back. And this is something I had never experienced before. Because usually I was the one like, love me, love me, love me and trying

[00:06:14] to get as much as I could. So I was like, wait, it's me. I come out of this tarot reading a new woman, I'm going to drop all my defenses and give him his undying love for me. And he

[00:06:28] breaks up with me on the car ride home from that tarot reading. Get the fuck up. Sorry, that's not funny. But like, it's hilarious. Like, even then, as devastating as that was, I was crying and also simultaneously laughing because

[00:06:43] I'm like, is this a fucking joke? Like, I literally just had a tarot reading of this woman saying that he's I'm the one for him and there's no other one. And then he's like, I just don't think we're right for each other. And I'm like, this bitch

[00:06:56] needs whatever psychic license she has revoked. That's like, give me my fucking money back, woman. Are you kidding? So I was at my apartment, begging him to stay trying to convince him to stay to be with me. We can work it out. I

[00:07:13] promise I'll be different all the things and he ended up leaving. And I was sobbing on the floor and I picked up my phone to try to get away from my feelings as you do or as I did

[00:07:23] at the time anyways. And I was scrolling and I came across this travel group and this woman had posted about this yoga and meditation healing retreat in Copenhagen, Thailand. And she goes, I was like, borderline suicidal before this retreat,

[00:07:40] and it has completely changed my life. I had never traveled by myself before. And I was like, I have to be there. I don't know why I was not very connected to my intuition at the time. But I

[00:07:52] just felt like I have to be there. And I was there, like four days later, and I stayed for five weeks. Wow. And it was the first time I ever learned about inner child work. I did breath

[00:08:07] work for the first time and I was sobbing during that breath work practice. I felt for the first time in my entire life, love for myself. I was like, what is this? What is this feeling? I've never felt this before. What do you mean? I'm lovable. And

[00:08:25] it completely changed my entire life. It's why I do the work that I do now is like, I have to spread the word to other women. And yeah, that's how I got started on this. Holy shit, dude. I was like, give me a little tidbit about

[00:08:39] like what, how this work came to be. We started at stripping for 11 years and ended up in Thailand at a meditation retreat. I love it. Yeah. What was the travel group that you found that post in? Do you remember? It's called girls love travel.

[00:08:52] Yeah, bitch. That's where I fucking like, yeah, that's the job where you found yours. All part of where I was like, I'm going on a solo trip, guys. Who's here? Yeah, big group. Shout out to Haley who runs that group. I absolutely love it.

[00:09:09] Okay, so you go to this amazing retreat, it like changes your life. And now what exactly for the people listening is the work that you do now? So I consider myself a mindset and embodiment mentor, because

[00:09:23] there's just so many things that I do that it's hard to fit in an Instagram bio. And whenever someone asks me my title, I'm like, I do not have one. But essentially, I am helping you connect to yourself, first and foremost, so that you can have

[00:09:38] an asserted as like experiencing intimacy with men. And I mean intimacy, like emotional intimacy, allowing yourself to be close to someone without freaking the fuck out. It started off as that, but it's morphed into like, even your relationships with your friends with your children with money,

[00:09:56] like just having intimacy in relationships in general, because you can't have intimacy in your family relationships or your friendships or whatever. What makes you think you're just gonna like magically be so fine and secure in a romantic relationship. So essentially, that's what I do. And I combine

[00:10:17] the mind and the body so that we have a really holistic approach because I find a lot of people like either do one or the other and I believe that we need both. Guys, it's summer. Normally, that means less busy in life,

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[00:11:22] month. That's code fml talk 50 at factor meals.com slash fml talk 50 to get 50% off your first box plus 20% off your next month while your subscription lasts. Enjoy fml is happy summer. I think that's really brilliant because so many people associate

[00:11:47] intimacy with sex. And it's so much deeper and so much more and it's so spot on that we need it in all different dynamics of our life. I'm really interested for you to explain a little bit if you could, you said, you know, coming from the industry that

[00:12:02] you were in you the sex work industry that you hated men and had a very specific, like visual of them, an opinion of them and you now teach like, how great and like loving they can be. So

[00:12:16] where was the shift for you? Because I know so many people listening to this show are like, yeah, fuck yeah, girl men are fucking assholes. So where was the turn that you saw that you can like kind of like explain to people that are listening who

[00:12:30] might still be on the other end? Yeah. So if you had told me, just see the beauty in men and see their sensitivity, I'd be like, do you know the kind of fucking losers who come into the strip club that I'm dealing

[00:12:42] with on a daily fucking basis? Like, I was coming from a space of having my boundaries, my physical boundaries crossed consistently, like multiple times a night for over a decade. So I did not have a lot of faith in the male species to be

[00:13:00] completely honest. But I started doing this healing work with myself, I started connecting to myself first, if I didn't have that foundation, there's no way I would have been able to work on my relationship with men. Because my relationship with my

[00:13:15] own inner man, like my own masculine was a reflection of my relationship to the external man. So I did not believe because I would have my boundaries crossed, I wouldn't speak up for myself. I wouldn't set the boundary. Like there was no

[00:13:30] protection of myself, I wasn't protecting myself. That's not like, blaming myself, I just literally was not saying, don't do that. So then I had no faith in men that they were going to uphold my boundaries or respect me, or whatever it was. So I

[00:13:47] started to do this work on myself cultivate my relationship with my own inner man, my own inner masculine. And then this workshop popped up. I'd been doing a lot of feminine embodiment and this workshop popped up called awakening men.

[00:13:59] And again, it's one of those I don't know why I'm doing this, but I just feel like I need to be there. And I went in and that was the workshop that I was like, what the fuck could you

[00:14:09] possibly teach me? Right, right. And we had this exercise where we had to write all of our negative beliefs about men and people had like four or five and I had over 50. I was like, am I

[00:14:22] too fucked up to do this? But I really, I started to see that sensitivity to men and the conditioning I had been so focused on my own conditioning of you know, women are supposed to be nice and polite and sweet and you know, good girl all the

[00:14:38] things I had no idea that men were also conditioned that like don't cry, don't be vulnerable, be a fucking man, don't be a pussy, all of those things. So when I started to see that, I started it started to make sense of why these men were acting the

[00:14:55] way that they were. And I started to learn about polarity. And so just a little story I would go into because I started doing private jobs. So I would go to like bachelor parties, and I would do campsites and houseboats and

[00:15:08] like really in the middle of nowhere. So I was feeling really unsafe. And I would go in and I would say, if I see a fucking phone, I'm going to chuck it in the river. Okay. And

[00:15:18] if anyone touches me, I'm going to get in my car and fucking leave and not give you a refund, like quite honestly, I'm not going to give you a refund, like quite aggressive. And aggressive. You're like, and now that party, literally, and now

[00:15:31] let's have the best time ever. And they're like, fuck you. So I would get challenged all the time because I was literally coming in there with my big energetic dick, being like this is a dick swing contest. And I win. And I went with my

[00:15:47] imaginary dick that's here. Literally. So I started learning the masculine and feminine. And I was like, I'm just gonna try something different. So I started going in and I would say, Hey, I want us to have the best time tonight. And what would

[00:16:03] help me to do that is if there's no phones, because that makes me feel really uncomfortable and uneasy. And then I'm like, I don't want to get naked. And I just don't have a good time. And also, please don't touch me without my consent, because it

[00:16:15] just makes me feel really unsafe. I would never have any issues, right? Never. And there would be at least one guy who would come up to me and say, Hey, if anyone fucks with you, you come see me, and I'll take care of it. And I was like,

[00:16:26] wait, this is totally different. Because I was then appealing to the masculine's ability and desire to protect. Right? Interesting to take care of me. And I was like, Oh, I see where I've been doing it wrong in relationships as well.

[00:16:46] Right. Okay. So then how did that mirror in the relationships like what you felt you needed to then that lesson? How did you take that into your relationships to start doing things differently there? Well, for the longest time, and I think a lot of women would

[00:17:00] resonate with this, I was leading with criticism. I'm gonna tell you in order to get my needs met, I'm going to tell you all the spaces where you're not meeting my needs. You're not doing this right. You're not doing this right. That ended up

[00:17:12] I would threaten to leave. I would manipulate. I would use sex as a weapon. I would withhold my love withhold my appreciation, which is all forms of emasculating. Right? It's like I feel unsafe. So I'm going to try to take you down a couple

[00:17:26] notches, right? So that we're on the same playing field, right? And so I started to rather than lead with criticism, I started to lead with desire of like, hey, this is what I would really love. It would make me feel really loved or safe or appreciated or

[00:17:43] insert x y z, right? If this were to happen, and that would shift so much, you know, even in the dating realm as well, like, Oh, it would feel really good for me if you just planned the date. Oh, okay, cool. They're just like, usually like, I'm afraid

[00:17:59] to fuck it up. I'm afraid to get it wrong. So I don't want because when I get it wrong, you criticize me. So what do you want me to do? Right? So it's like, drop the criticism. And I

[00:18:10] can't say I'm perfect at it. Like it still slips out from time to time. And then I take accountability, I take responsibility. And I'm like, cool, what I was actually trying to say was, this is what I would love.

[00:18:20] Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I think that first of all, so much of what you're saying, I think people are going to resonate with I know I do. When I had my son, it totally re shifted my perspective on men that I've dated in the past. Like I

[00:18:38] remember this one distinct moment where I was in my rocking chair with him breastfeeding him and he was like, I mean, he still is so little, but he was so little. So little. And I was looking down at like, this like cute little

[00:18:51] vulnerable human that was completely dependent on me for food for safety for security. And like my heart just like burst open. And I was like, Oh my god, every asshole x every asshole, dude, every fucking guy that like all of my FML errors

[00:19:13] have ever complained about that have ever like fucked me over broken my heart. They were all this little and this vulnerable once and like, who didn't take care of them or teach them the right ways to where they ended up feeling like they had to protect

[00:19:29] themselves with toxic masculinity. And it was this huge, like fucking wave that hit me and I was like, Oh my god, I feel so bad for all men of all kinds. Yeah. And it like opened up a compassion in me that like was not there before. And so

[00:19:47] it's really interesting to hear from just like a walking into a workshop and like having that perspective shift of like, how have I been, you know, showing up in a way that like makes them pull back? And how can like, we reshape that to allow everybody

[00:20:06] to coexist in a more harmonious ways? Does that mean there's not still fucking horrible, asshole men out there? Of course not. There's horrible asshole women out there to like there's just bad people on the planet. But for the majority, I think

[00:20:20] what you're saying is really accurate. Like it comes from like a trauma or protective place where they're like, feeling challenged and needing to like protect themselves. I remember sitting in my therapist chair years ago, this is either right, I think it was right before the guy broke up

[00:20:38] with me, I was trying to go to therapy to like figure out what was happening. And maybe after I'm not sure. But she I was complaining about him and all the things that he does that are so annoying to me and so inconvenient. And she was like,

[00:20:51] I want you to picture him as like a three year old boy. And of course, my first response was like, yeah, well, he fucking acts like one, you know? Like, no, no, no, Michelle, calm down. That's not what we mean. But like, actually picture him as

[00:21:06] this sensitive, vulnerable, innocent child. And I just started sobbing and even hearing you speak about the moment that you had with your son. Like I could feel myself getting emotional around that because this is why we all act the way

[00:21:24] that we do. We don't hurt people or criticize or run away or whatever, because we're awful people. And we hate people. It's because we're scared. Yeah, we're afraid. It's vulnerable. And if you have been told your entire life that basically,

[00:21:44] you're not going to get love, safety or belonging, which are core needs for a human. If you're vulnerable, what makes you think if he's been told that since the time he's two years old, he's now 38? What makes you think that now suddenly at the

[00:22:00] age of 38? He's like, Oh, yeah, totally fine with being vulnerable. Yeah, emotional intimacy, no problem. Like, unless he's done work on that, that's probably not the case. Yeah. And it's the same for ourselves, you know, like we

[00:22:13] don't act the way, you know, like, I'm sure we've all acted some sort of unhealthy way at some point in our life. Maybe it was when you were 15. Who knows? But it's like, it's not because you're a bad person. It's because there's trauma there.

[00:22:29] And yeah, the thing that you said about compassion too, is really important because so I have an entire module on this in my course, The Connected Woman. It's a module on understanding men. And I speak about this and women have this either this huge

[00:22:45] wave of responsibility, where it's like, Oh my god, I need to go apologize. And like, we don't need to go out and like find the ex and apologize and all those things like we can just write a note and then burn it maybe. Yeah. But the flip side

[00:23:00] of that is, so you're asking me to be compassionate. What about all the times that he cheated on me or spoke down to me or whatever? I'm like, it doesn't the two don't cancel each other out. You can have compassion for someone's upbringing and why

[00:23:16] they do the things that they do. And also not want that in your life. Right. I think that duality is so important, because I've done episodes on forgiveness and people are like, well, why the fuck should I forgive that person? And it's like, well,

[00:23:37] first of all, you're not forgiving that person for them. You're forgiving them for yourself. Yeah. And the compassion that you can have for anyone does not negate but this isn't okay. And I don't stand for it. And now I have a

[00:23:53] boundary in place to protect myself. Those two can coexist at the same time. And the forgiveness comes from the compassion piece, which I feel like is so important. Yeah, that ability to see the human little boy in someone or

[00:24:08] the little girl, you know, I mean, I even had this with my parents. I was talking to a client about this yesterday that I had this moment years ago where I realized my parents were people outside of being my parents, which I know sounds like

[00:24:21] the craziest thing ever. But I was like, Oh, wow, like they had lives before having me right, right. They have trauma and they dated people and they had a first kiss. And that's mind blowing to me. You know, it's like, I have no idea who you are

[00:24:37] because I was just focused on all the ways that they had hurt me and didn't parent me correctly and how things could have been different and like all the things you know, just staying in that victim mindset. And then I was like, Oh, you

[00:24:49] truly were doing the best that you could with the resources you had at the time. Right? Yeah, compassion is a wild thing that can do crazy, crazy things to people in very, very deep good ways. So I love

[00:25:04] that you said that you talk a lot about different attachments and how you can find and feel safe in a secure attachment when you've been used to fucked up. I'm sure there's a more analytical way of saying this, but fucked up shitty

[00:25:17] attachments in the past insecure attachments. Can you speak a little bit on that? Because I know so many of my listeners come from bad past relationships. And I get so many DMS about like, how did you ever feel like safe enough to get

[00:25:34] into a new relationship? And like, I'm always wanting to check their phone or like I feel insecure. So like, how do you find your footing into a secure attachment after you've had a history of bad ones?

[00:25:48] I mean, this is a question that I get all the time as well. And for me, it looked like, you know, very similar to you spending time by myself. Like there were two big breakups that I spent some time in intentional celibacy. So I took six months

[00:26:08] and two different times. No sex, no dating. It was just all about me. Like, who, who the fuck is this person that I am lugging around a meat suit all day? You know, who is this person who is

[00:26:23] just operating and I took time to actually get to know me and my emotions and my emotional response. Because the thing is a lot of people myself included in the past, I did not have the capacity to be with difficult sensations in my body. So anytime

[00:26:42] that I would feel fear. So let's say you're you're having an anxious moment, you've been cheated on in the past, let's say, and now you're in a relationship where there's no indication that that's going to happen. But those fears are

[00:26:56] creeping back in and you feel an impulse to check his phone. Well, the checking of the phone is just so you can release tension within yourself. So what I did during that time was build my capacity to be with myself to be with tension, to be with

[00:27:14] anger, grief, sadness, fear, anxiety, all of the things. So then if that were to come up, I then didn't have to act on that, you know, so even with my current partner, in the beginning, there was some jealousy stuff that came up for me. And I was

[00:27:31] like, Oh, this is really interesting. Okay, cool. Whereas in the past, I would have flown off the fucking handle over it. I was able to just have conversations with him about it. Right. And so I think when you're trying to, and I'm going to

[00:27:47] contradict myself here, because when you're trying to develop a secure attachment style one, you need to learn how to be by yourself. I'm talking to my anxious girlies. If you're avoidant, you're like, okay, no problem. Yeah, I will do that. I

[00:27:59] will spend more time. I know it's been eight years, but nine won't hurt, you know. So I think learning to spend time by yourself. And the flip side of that is these wounds were created in relationship, they are healed in relationship. Does

[00:28:16] that mean you have to go be in a romantic relationship tomorrow to go heal yourself? No, this could look like working with a therapist, a coach, a mentor, someone who can actually model secure attachment for you that when you go into freak out mode,

[00:28:30] they don't do it with you. When you're becoming anxious, they don't turn avoidant. When you're being avoidant, they don't turn anxious, they can hold the secure attachment. And so then part of it when I was getting back into the dating, which I'm

[00:28:43] sure you I mean, you've talked about the checklist and all of the things right? I got super clear on my non negotiables. And it wasn't how tall he is and how much money he's making. And like it wasn't that it was, is he honest? Does he have integrity?

[00:29:00] Is he curious about life? Is he curious about me like these were things that I was really looking for? Is he emotionally available? Is he literally available? Is he single? Yes. Big factor, big factor. It's crazy to me the universe is

[00:29:16] like no, you need to be specific girl. Right, right. So these are all the things that started to help me attract someone who was secure. And then, you know, that helped me to come into secure attachment of if I were to be anxious, he wouldn't go avoid

[00:29:32] it. And we could just navigate that together. Yeah. Oh, I love that. There's so much goodness in what you just said. And I think that oftentimes people think it's one or the other, like, do I have to be single to heal? Or do I can I be

[00:29:45] in a relationship to heal? And what you said is so great that like, it doesn't have to be a significant other, it can be a family member, a friend, a therapist, a coach, like anyone that's on the other end, that's going to establish that secure

[00:29:58] attachment for you to experience can help you heal. And I think all of the above are true, you can heal being single, you can heal in a relationship, as long as you are doing the work. And

[00:30:08] whoever is on the other side, if there is someone on the other side, is going to meet you there and want to do it with you, then fucking heal in a relationship. Just don't be toxic about it. You know, like, I think that's totally possible.

[00:30:21] Yeah, yeah. And for me, you know, when we talk about doing the work, we think, okay, I'm gonna do inner child work, and I'm gonna do this type of healing and hypnosis and breathwork and embodiment and all the things. Those are all

[00:30:33] wonderful tools, amazing, amazing tools. And what was most supportive for me was someone just holding space where I could just be Yeah, I didn't have to do anything. I didn't have to please anyone. If I was angry, I could just be angry. If I was

[00:30:53] sad, I could just be sad. There was no Okay, can you like hurry it up now because we've got things to do, which is how I always felt in relationships, which is why like, I wouldn't

[00:31:04] allow myself to be angry or sad or whatever I was feeling. And I would push it down, push it down, push it down, push it down until it would eventually explode. And then I go see this

[00:31:14] is why I can't trust myself. This is why I can't trust my emotions. You see how destructive they are? awful, they're ruining relationships. But if I had actually given voice to them in the first place, when it was just a little

[00:31:26] Hmm, I'm feeling a bit of something. Even if it's just within myself of like, Oh, yeah, I'm noticing that I'm feeling really irritated right now. Okay, cool. Great. I'm gonna move that then it wouldn't get to the explosion part. So I

[00:31:40] think that's really crucial for people have it doesn't have to be this huge, like, you know, cathartic, aura type of thing. It's like, just allow yourself to fucking feel what you're feeling and not make yourself wrong for it.

[00:31:53] Oh my god, girl preach. Yes. I think there's so much shame we get growing up and like throughout our life about like, not being able to sit with those emotions and not being able to acknowledge and name that emotion and the more that we can do

[00:32:06] that, and communicate it to the people that are like trying to help us through it like the better off we will be. So I'm so glad you said that. Okay, I want you to tell everybody about the podcast about where they can find all the courses. And then

[00:32:20] I'm going to ask you one final question just to fucking humor me. So please drop us with all the all the info. I'm so curious as to what this question is going to be. It could be anything. Yeah, cool. So I have a podcast called

[00:32:33] unfuck your relationships. So you can check that out on all streaming platforms. You can follow me on Instagram at Michelle panning website, same thing, Michelle panning calm. And my signature course is the connected woman. I have a million different courses about all the things confidence,

[00:32:49] feminine, masculine embodiment, all of these things, but connected woman is really the signature course that is helping you go from this anxious, avoidant, insecure attachment style to coming into feeling worthy and confident and secure within yourself so that you can experience healthy relationships

[00:33:05] with men. But first and foremost with yourself. So that's going to be kicking off in January. But you can also join now. And there's also the connected woman experience, which is my year long group mentoring program. And that includes every single

[00:33:22] program and masterclass that I offer within a year. So if you're like, I want to go fucking deep 2024 is the year, then you can check that out as well. Oh my god, I love it. There's so many people listening to that

[00:33:33] that need to fucking go get on that bag and tell from the DMS that I get like, that's the course everyone. That's the course. Okay, thank you for dropping all of that info. Now, please humor me because I love the polarity in this entire

[00:33:46] conversation and situation. Can you please give me one of your most outrageous stripper stories? Oh, you're like now that we've covered what an incredible life coach I am. Can you please tell me one of your crazy experiences that come to mind that you had?

[00:34:03] It can either it can be dramatic. It can be funny. It can be ridiculous. Just one that's just like, okay, I think this was very early on in my stripping career. I think I had maybe been dancing for six months. So I was very green,

[00:34:22] very new, had no idea about anything. I didn't know about kinks or nothing. And this is I just want to clarify like this is just stripping. This was not like a brothel. This wasn't escorting anything like that. Nothing wrong with that. But

[00:34:34] that's not what this was. Anyway, so this guy comes into the strip club, and he asks me for a lap dance. I'm like, yeah, amazing. Let's go. And I'm dancing. Oh, my God. It's like so fucking funny. I'm like, I pray this man is not listening.

[00:34:51] So I'm dancing. And then he's like, do you like what did you what did you wear here to the club? I was like, oh, just like jeans and a t shirt. He's like, can't go get them. Can you wear

[00:35:02] that? I was like, this isn't usually how it goes. at a strip club. People turn my clothes off, right? Not put them on. And he was like, and can you tie your hair back? Like in a bun? I'm like, okay, whatever. This man like, he's

[00:35:20] just paying me by the song, you know, so I'm like, fuck it, whatever more money for me. So I'm doing this. And he's like, can you pretend you're a dude? And shut the fuck up? What? And

[00:35:34] that you're jacking off on me? I'm like, how much? Oh, as much as you want. This is definitely a girl. You can go fully there. Well, I'm literally like, pretending I have like an air cock and I'm like jacking off and he's calling me like,

[00:35:50] fucking Matthew or something like he's like, Oh, Matthew, like, I love your cock and whatever. And I was like, Oh, my God. He then asks me to get a Red Bull, like closed Red Bull and stick it down my pants. So it looks like I have a deck.

[00:36:08] Stop it. He's calling me a man's name. Mind you this whole time. So like in the club, that club that I worked at, there were black lights and see how like white glows under a light. So he keeps going to the bathroom, like every like 1015 minutes or

[00:36:23] so. And coming back and he's got like white powder all underneath his nose. Oh my god. Out of his mind right now. And I'd have to be like, bro, you have like cocaine all under your nose. You need to wipe it out. Showing in the black light.

[00:36:40] Your coke is showing. Oh my god. And, and yeah, he ended up paying me for the entire night. So I was there for like five hours. He was showing me pictures of his male friends being like, Oh, what I wouldn't do to like, fuck Jerry. And I

[00:36:58] was like, Oh, God, okay. And not to yuck anyone's yum. But I was like, so like, are you buying? He's like, I'm not fucking buy. Why would you say that? I'm like, I'm so sorry for assuming

[00:37:10] what? Yeah. And that was like, I made a couple of grand that night. And that was the entire experience. And I never saw him again. I gotta say, I'm so fucking glad I asked you this question. Wow,

[00:37:25] dude, like at the at what point do you not go to a male strip club? For this is thing, though, like if you if that's a part of you, like whether you're gay or bisexual or whatever, and you haven't

[00:37:38] reconciled that within yourself, right? There'd be a lot of shame around that hence his his reaction to when I was like, so are you by right? And, you know, I don't know if he had a wife or a partner, but there would be you know, I really

[00:37:52] felt like he was doing this very much in secret. And this was his like, yeah, oh my god, this is how I'm getting my kink met. Right. But yeah, I've had so many like, guys asking me to like, financially dumb them. That was my favorite, where you

[00:38:05] dominate them and just take their money. That was that was good. Like, absolutely, I can do that. I love this king. Small dick humiliation, ball stomping. Oh my god, you should write a crazy shit goes down. I do you know what it's so funny

[00:38:23] because as you were talking about your book when you were on my podcast, I was like, I have some good fucking stories. Yeah. I would read that book. You're like, they go to Michelle's website. And it's like, here's all the courses of

[00:38:36] how to be a secure, amazing person and get on top of your life and your shit and your relationships. And here's ball stomping at the strip. The duality. I love it. I love it. Michelle, this has been so wonderful.

[00:38:50] Thank you for being here. I hope everybody goes and checks out your incredible courses and your podcast, which I had such a blast being on and is so so great. Thank you for for all of your wonderful dualities of your life that you brought to this

[00:39:03] show, girl. Thank you. Thank you so much. This is so fun. I told you that last story would not fucking disappoint. I want to thank Michelle for coming on and really bringing so much love and life to today's episode. Seriously, you guys should go

[00:39:23] check out her podcast and fuck your relationships and go look at some of those guides because they're gold. If you guys are really ready to show up and do the work that is a good fucking

[00:39:35] place to start. I love you all. I will see you guys next week. Cheers. All right, FM Lrs. If you don't want to miss an episode, make sure to follow on your favorite podcast app. And if you're

[00:39:51] loving the show, drop us a five star rating and leave a review. You can keep up with me on Instagram at Gabrielle stone or the podcast page at FML talk podcast for all the merch and books signed personally by me you can shop the FML line on eat

[00:40:07] prey fml.com and as always have a fucking self love cocktail on me. Cheers. This podcast has been brought to you by podcast nation.