Rewind: F%ck Abandonment

[00:00:00] [SPEAKER_01]: You guys, my goals for my body and fitness have drastically changed after having a baby.

[00:00:06] [SPEAKER_01]: Now I care a lot less about the outside and more about the inside.

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[00:01:30] [SPEAKER_01]: What is up all of my beautiful freaking people?

[00:01:34] [SPEAKER_01]: Welcome back to another episode of fMLTalk.

[00:01:38] [SPEAKER_01]: We are going to do things a little differently today.

[00:01:42] [SPEAKER_01]: I am going to take you into a throwback that I feel we all need to do.

[00:01:48] [SPEAKER_01]: So sit back, grab your journals and welcome to fMLTalk.

[00:01:56] [SPEAKER_01]: Hey this is Gabrielle Stone.

[00:02:06] [SPEAKER_01]: And this is fMLTalk.

[00:02:10] [SPEAKER_01]: Okay y'all I have been feeling it in like the world, the astrology, the collective conscious

[00:02:17] [SPEAKER_01]: consciousness, the what the fuck energy that has been going on lately that we really needed

[00:02:24] [SPEAKER_01]: a refresher on abandonment.

[00:02:29] [SPEAKER_01]: This abandonment episode, this solo episode I recorded way the fuck back in season one

[00:02:35] [SPEAKER_01]: and I still get messages about it and to me so many things that we experience and

[00:02:42] [SPEAKER_01]: that we go through and that we question within ourselves at the core of that is about abandonment

[00:02:48] [SPEAKER_01]: or the fear of abandonment or something to do under the vast fucking umbrella that is

[00:02:55] [SPEAKER_01]: abandonment.

[00:02:56] [SPEAKER_01]: So for my people that are newer and pop around different episodes and maybe you're like caught

[00:03:03] [SPEAKER_01]: up on the new stuff and then you like go back and dabble into the older stuff, if

[00:03:08] [SPEAKER_01]: you have not heard this episode, you are in for a fucking treat because it is really powerful

[00:03:15] [SPEAKER_01]: in many different ways.

[00:03:17] [SPEAKER_01]: And if you are one of my OGs, hi I love you that have been with me from the beginning

[00:03:22] [SPEAKER_01]: and have listened to every episode multiple times, I believe that this episode is probably

[00:03:26] [SPEAKER_01]: coming at you and was chosen for a very specific reason.

[00:03:32] [SPEAKER_01]: So I urge you to take a listen, open your heart, open your journals, open your motherfucking

[00:03:37] [SPEAKER_01]: ears and really just drop into your heart center and see if anything from this episode

[00:03:45] [SPEAKER_01]: resonates with you because I went back and took a re-listen and was like oh shit, this

[00:03:53] [SPEAKER_01]: is what's up for me right now.

[00:03:54] [SPEAKER_01]: So my gift to you today, enjoy.

[00:03:58] [SPEAKER_01]: Also friendly reminder that if you guys are in need of more FML content I have

[00:04:03] [SPEAKER_01]: got you.

[00:04:04] [SPEAKER_01]: There are literally 14 seasons of many bonus episodes on the FML Patreon.

[00:04:11] [SPEAKER_01]: You get access to my close friends on Instagram.

[00:04:14] [SPEAKER_01]: There's like wildly fun guests on that show.

[00:04:18] [SPEAKER_01]: They're all cute 15 to 20 minute bonus episodes and there's 14 seasons of them for

[00:04:23] [SPEAKER_01]: you to go binge.

[00:04:25] [SPEAKER_01]: If you want to join that, you can go to patreon.com.

[00:04:29] [SPEAKER_01]: FML Talk.

[00:04:30] [SPEAKER_01]: We also have two Eat Prey VK trips coming up that are now officially open, that you

[00:04:38] [SPEAKER_01]: can book and the spots are selling out.

[00:04:40] [SPEAKER_01]: If you want to check those out, you can DM me and ask about either the Columbia

[00:04:46] [SPEAKER_01]: trip which is happening in March or the Costa Rica trip which is happening in

[00:04:51] [SPEAKER_01]: April.

[00:04:52] [SPEAKER_01]: Both the itineraries are amazing.

[00:04:54] [SPEAKER_01]: Columbia is three nights, four days.

[00:04:56] [SPEAKER_01]: Easier to take some time off to go on that trip and then you have the option to

[00:05:00] [SPEAKER_01]: stay after if you want.

[00:05:01] [SPEAKER_01]: Costa Rica is a week-long adventure with like zip lining and canyoneering and all

[00:05:07] [SPEAKER_01]: the crazy adventure shit.

[00:05:10] [SPEAKER_01]: Portugal was such a special experience to me.

[00:05:12] [SPEAKER_01]: I'm so excited to be able to meet more of you and continue building these

[00:05:17] [SPEAKER_01]: friendships with you guys.

[00:05:18] [SPEAKER_01]: Everyone that went on that Portugal trip became such close friends and are in

[00:05:23] [SPEAKER_01]: this like epic group chat that never shuts up and I cannot wait to be able

[00:05:29] [SPEAKER_01]: to bring more of my readers and listeners together.

[00:05:31] [SPEAKER_01]: So if you want to check out one of those trips, you can either go to Trova

[00:05:35] [SPEAKER_01]: trip and search Gabrielle Stone or you can just DM me and tell me which

[00:05:38] [SPEAKER_01]: trip you're interested in and I will send you all the information.

[00:05:45] [SPEAKER_01]: Okay.

[00:05:47] [SPEAKER_01]: Let's just take a deep fucking breath to start this episode off.

[00:05:53] [SPEAKER_01]: Ah.

[00:05:55] [SPEAKER_01]: Okay.

[00:05:56] [SPEAKER_01]: So most of you that have been following me or listening to the show or have

[00:06:01] [SPEAKER_01]: read my book are no longer strangers to my story.

[00:06:06] [SPEAKER_01]: You know, I lost my dad when I was a little girl very dramatically.

[00:06:10] [SPEAKER_01]: I then had that same loss happen to me with my high school sweetheart when

[00:06:15] [SPEAKER_01]: he was killed in a car accident.

[00:06:17] [SPEAKER_01]: And this really did instill the fear of abandonment in me at a very young age.

[00:06:25] [SPEAKER_01]: I mean, when I was six years old, I created the subconscious belief when

[00:06:30] [SPEAKER_01]: I love someone they die, which is really fucking heavy man to carry something

[00:06:37] [SPEAKER_01]: like that when you're so young.

[00:06:38] [SPEAKER_01]: Obviously it's not conscious.

[00:06:40] [SPEAKER_01]: It's subconscious for a reason, but it really began to manifest

[00:06:46] [SPEAKER_01]: and dictate my life in a lot of different ways.

[00:06:51] [SPEAKER_01]: And not that you ever fully heal or get over a death like that in your life,

[00:06:59] [SPEAKER_01]: but when I was finally feeling like I was on the other side of it and

[00:07:04] [SPEAKER_01]: didn't have as much anger around it and wasn't in constant fear of it,

[00:07:09] [SPEAKER_01]: low and behold, the universe put something back in my life that ripped

[00:07:15] [SPEAKER_01]: that wound wide open.

[00:07:17] [SPEAKER_01]: And that was losing my high school sweetheart.

[00:07:19] [SPEAKER_01]: And that for me when I got that call was one of the most numbing

[00:07:27] [SPEAKER_01]: and shocking experiences that I've ever gone through because my brain could

[00:07:34] [SPEAKER_01]: not make sense of the fact that I was about to have to deal with this again.

[00:07:41] [SPEAKER_01]: I mean, this was the second man that I felt like I really loved that was

[00:07:47] [SPEAKER_01]: ripped away from me in a really traumatic and seemingly unfair way.

[00:07:55] [SPEAKER_01]: And it had become very apparent that that belief that I had carried

[00:08:02] [SPEAKER_01]: since I was a little girl was being reinforced.

[00:08:05] [SPEAKER_01]: So it again was when I love someone, they die.

[00:08:10] [SPEAKER_01]: Moving on from that situation, I was with the guy that I dated in

[00:08:17] [SPEAKER_01]: college for three years and felt like I had done a lot of healing around it.

[00:08:25] [SPEAKER_01]: I learned during that time not to substance soothe and to really take

[00:08:31] [SPEAKER_01]: care of my mental health when I was going through any type of grief or trauma.

[00:08:37] [SPEAKER_01]: And I had felt like I had come out the other side.

[00:08:42] [SPEAKER_01]: But the thing with unhealed trauma, guys, is that it will manifest

[00:08:50] [SPEAKER_01]: in your life over and over and over until you truly do the work to heal it.

[00:09:03] [SPEAKER_01]: So let me explain.

[00:09:05] [SPEAKER_01]: There is a theory that I identify with.

[00:09:09] [SPEAKER_01]: Oprah's talked about it.

[00:09:10] [SPEAKER_01]: Many, many people have discussed this theory.

[00:09:14] [SPEAKER_01]: And that is that you attract and are attracted to romantic partners

[00:09:22] [SPEAKER_01]: based upon what you are trying to heal from your past.

[00:09:29] [SPEAKER_01]: There's a lot to unpack in that one fucking idea.

[00:09:33] [SPEAKER_01]: So let's discuss this for a second.

[00:09:36] [SPEAKER_01]: So, for example, my past trauma was fear of abandonment when I

[00:09:43] [SPEAKER_01]: love someone they die.

[00:09:46] [SPEAKER_01]: Obviously, not everyone is just going to up and die on you.

[00:09:49] [SPEAKER_01]: So the more day to day version of that belief is when I love someone they leave.

[00:09:56] [SPEAKER_01]: So here I am now as an adult feeling like I have seemingly healed from

[00:10:05] [SPEAKER_01]: the things that I've gone through.

[00:10:07] [SPEAKER_01]: And I'm attracting people, men into my life that are going to trigger

[00:10:16] [SPEAKER_01]: that unhealed trauma unbeknownst to me it was unhealed trauma.

[00:10:21] [SPEAKER_01]: But when I look back on it, you know, and reflect on it now, I can see

[00:10:26] [SPEAKER_01]: that even when I was dating my college sweetheart or when I met Daniel,

[00:10:33] [SPEAKER_01]: my ex husband, I still wasn't OK being by myself.

[00:10:38] [SPEAKER_01]: I still didn't feel safe being alone.

[00:10:42] [SPEAKER_01]: I wasn't comfortable being alone.

[00:10:44] [SPEAKER_01]: And that was my manifestation of my many, many years of fear of abandonment.

[00:10:51] [SPEAKER_01]: So I'm now in my 20s and attracting men that are going to

[00:10:58] [SPEAKER_01]: reflect and trigger that trauma in order for me to get a fucking reality check

[00:11:07] [SPEAKER_01]: and slapped in the face by the universe to be like, yo, bitch, you need to heal some shit.

[00:11:20] [SPEAKER_01]: Unfortunately, for me.

[00:11:25] [SPEAKER_01]: That lesson came in marrying someone and being betrayed in the ultimate way,

[00:11:34] [SPEAKER_01]: being cheated on, being lied to, being disrespected.

[00:11:38] [SPEAKER_01]: And it was such a clear message of like, you need to look at your trauma.

[00:11:48] [SPEAKER_01]: You need to look at what you still are in fear of.

[00:11:52] [SPEAKER_01]: Because if I'm walking around with a subconscious fear of abandonment,

[00:11:57] [SPEAKER_01]: that's literally what is going to show up in my relationship.

[00:12:02] [SPEAKER_01]: And that is exactly what did.

[00:12:06] [SPEAKER_01]: Although I was insanely thankful to have dodged a massive bullet

[00:12:12] [SPEAKER_01]: and was given an out in this unhappy marriage that I had found myself trapped in.

[00:12:18] [SPEAKER_01]: I didn't realize at the time that him ripping open that abandonment wound

[00:12:27] [SPEAKER_01]: meant that I still had a lot of work to do in that area.

[00:12:33] [SPEAKER_01]: So obviously we fast forward a few weeks and enter hobby year.

[00:12:40] [SPEAKER_01]: So we've gone over the love bombing, we've gone over why it all happened.

[00:12:45] [SPEAKER_01]: We've gone over the fact that it needed to happen.

[00:12:48] [SPEAKER_01]: And it was a huge catalyst for me, obviously, that I'm very, very thankful for.

[00:12:53] [SPEAKER_01]: But if we're looking at just the black and white facts of what happened,

[00:13:00] [SPEAKER_01]: I attracted into my life a man that was going to shine this hugely bright

[00:13:08] [SPEAKER_01]: light on me and make me feel like I was the center of his universe.

[00:13:12] [SPEAKER_01]: Like my dad did, like my high school sweetheart did,

[00:13:16] [SPEAKER_01]: like the way I always had yearned for and dreamed to be loved.

[00:13:21] [SPEAKER_01]: I attracted that into my life.

[00:13:25] [SPEAKER_01]: And then the universe said, OK, maybe this time with someone that you're

[00:13:32] [SPEAKER_01]: so invested with and someone that has really changed the way you thought

[00:13:40] [SPEAKER_01]: about love and relationships, maybe with this person, if we rip this

[00:13:47] [SPEAKER_01]: away from you, maybe then you will look inward to see that you finally

[00:13:54] [SPEAKER_01]: have to go fix the trauma from when you were a six year old little girl.

[00:14:00] [SPEAKER_01]: And what better way to go realize that you are in fact OK by yourself

[00:14:06] [SPEAKER_01]: and you are in fact a badass by yourself and totally capable

[00:14:11] [SPEAKER_01]: and safe and thriving by yourself than to be thrust to the other end

[00:14:20] [SPEAKER_01]: of the fucking world 100 percent alone.

[00:14:26] [SPEAKER_01]: I mean, you can't write this shit, you guys.

[00:14:30] [SPEAKER_01]: If you look at my story as a textbook example, it quite literally shows

[00:14:36] [SPEAKER_01]: you that what was instilled in me subconsciously at six years old,

[00:14:43] [SPEAKER_01]: then manifested not once in my high school sweetheart, not twice

[00:14:49] [SPEAKER_01]: in my marriage, but three times men came into my life and either by

[00:14:56] [SPEAKER_01]: choice, by tragic accident or by fucking deceit and like dirty,

[00:15:02] [SPEAKER_01]: dirty lies ended up abandoning me.

[00:15:06] [SPEAKER_01]: It it's right in front of my face.

[00:15:09] [SPEAKER_01]: And until I realized that nothing was going to change until I fixed

[00:15:17] [SPEAKER_01]: the root of all of those problems, I knew that none of my relationships

[00:15:23] [SPEAKER_01]: moving forward was going to work.

[00:15:25] [SPEAKER_01]: So it wasn't until I really sat down and went, OK, what fucking

[00:15:31] [SPEAKER_01]: work do I have to do on myself to let go of this belief?

[00:15:35] [SPEAKER_01]: It wasn't news to me.

[00:15:37] [SPEAKER_01]: I knew that I had a fear of abandonment.

[00:15:38] [SPEAKER_01]: I had been told since I was a little girl, you know, that I had

[00:15:42] [SPEAKER_01]: a fear of abandonment.

[00:15:42] [SPEAKER_01]: My mom's a fucking world healer who heals people all over the world.

[00:15:47] [SPEAKER_01]: And like here I was going, OK, I get it.

[00:15:49] [SPEAKER_01]: I have a fear of abandonment.

[00:15:51] [SPEAKER_01]: What the fuck am I supposed to do about it?

[00:15:53] [SPEAKER_01]: And it wasn't until I went and I got into really, really

[00:15:58] [SPEAKER_01]: solid therapists office, who was a perfect mix of clinical and spiritual.

[00:16:03] [SPEAKER_01]: And I talk about her a lot in book two, which you'll you'll read all about

[00:16:08] [SPEAKER_01]: eventually. And I really started to look at where these beliefs came

[00:16:16] [SPEAKER_01]: from, how they were manifesting in my life and what I needed to do

[00:16:21] [SPEAKER_01]: and fix within myself to shift them moving forward.

[00:16:26] [SPEAKER_01]: So if you're trying to figure out in your life why patterns keep happening

[00:16:30] [SPEAKER_01]: and patterns are the biggest indicator that are like a light bulb to show you.

[00:16:36] [SPEAKER_01]: Hey, there's something going on here because it's happened more than a few

[00:16:40] [SPEAKER_01]: times that you need to look at.

[00:16:42] [SPEAKER_01]: And these patterns are indicators that you need to fucking heal some shit.

[00:16:48] [SPEAKER_01]: And the best way to always start this process is to look back

[00:16:54] [SPEAKER_01]: at your childhood, what was modeled to you by your parents in relationships?

[00:17:00] [SPEAKER_01]: What happened in your early childhood, you know, four to seven years old

[00:17:05] [SPEAKER_01]: that really was a staple in your life that really put some beliefs into your

[00:17:12] [SPEAKER_01]: system that you were then going to go carry throughout your life as an adult.

[00:17:17] [SPEAKER_01]: And more often than not, things that were lacking in the relationship

[00:17:22] [SPEAKER_01]: with your parents that you saw or things that were lacking in your life

[00:17:26] [SPEAKER_01]: or traumatic experiences that happened that left you feeling a certain type of way.

[00:17:32] [SPEAKER_01]: Those are the things that whoever you attract in your life in a big role,

[00:17:37] [SPEAKER_01]: like a significant other or a really, really close friend.

[00:17:42] [SPEAKER_01]: Those are the things that are going to show up in that relationship.

[00:17:48] [SPEAKER_01]: You are going to attract people that mirror your shit until you fucking

[00:17:55] [SPEAKER_01]: choose to fix it.

[00:17:58] [SPEAKER_01]: So if you were tired of looking at the same goddamn thing in that fucking

[00:18:04] [SPEAKER_01]: mirror, stop attracting it and fix your own shit first.

[00:18:12] [SPEAKER_01]: One of the most common questions I get asked is, weren't you incredibly

[00:18:18] [SPEAKER_01]: guarded after you found out about your husband's affair?

[00:18:21] [SPEAKER_01]: Weren't you incredibly guarded after Avi Air broke your heart?

[00:18:25] [SPEAKER_01]: Like, weren't you just fucking guarded?

[00:18:27] [SPEAKER_01]: Like, didn't you just build a goddamn castle around your heart and be like,

[00:18:31] [SPEAKER_01]: fuck you guys.

[00:18:32] [SPEAKER_01]: I am not letting anybody in.

[00:18:33] [SPEAKER_01]: Everybody piss off.

[00:18:35] [SPEAKER_01]: And my answer always seems to surprise someone.

[00:18:38] [SPEAKER_01]: And I know I've talked about it in past episodes before, but no, I wasn't.

[00:18:42] [SPEAKER_01]: If there was ever a time that I was going to be guarded, it would have

[00:18:46] [SPEAKER_01]: been after I found out my husband was cheating on me and had

[00:18:51] [SPEAKER_01]: been sleeping with someone else simultaneously that he was sleeping with me.

[00:18:55] [SPEAKER_01]: And if I would have done that and built this massive wall around my heart,

[00:19:00] [SPEAKER_01]: I never would have met Avi Air.

[00:19:01] [SPEAKER_01]: I never would have fallen in love, wouldn't have gotten my heart fucking

[00:19:04] [SPEAKER_01]: ripped out of my chest, gone on this adventure, wrote the book, been talking

[00:19:07] [SPEAKER_01]: to you, you know the story.

[00:19:09] [SPEAKER_01]: We wouldn't be here.

[00:19:09] [SPEAKER_01]: I wouldn't be who I am and be the woman that I am today.

[00:19:13] [SPEAKER_01]: And I'm so fucking thankful for all of it and wouldn't change a thing.

[00:19:18] [SPEAKER_01]: And of course, when I came back from Europe, there were different fears

[00:19:22] [SPEAKER_01]: that I had to work through.

[00:19:23] [SPEAKER_01]: I mean, you'll read about my shit show of my healing journey in book two,

[00:19:28] [SPEAKER_01]: but I went through a lot of ups and downs on trying to fight

[00:19:32] [SPEAKER_01]: through wanting to guard myself and not feeling deserving of a healthy love.

[00:19:40] [SPEAKER_01]: But when people ask me that question, it comes from a place of fear.

[00:19:46] [SPEAKER_01]: It comes from a place of like, oh my God, if I had my heart shit on the way

[00:19:50] [SPEAKER_01]: that she did, I would swear off men entirely.

[00:19:56] [SPEAKER_01]: And while sometimes that isn't the worst idea for your own personal

[00:20:01] [SPEAKER_01]: growth and healing reasons, there was something that changed in me

[00:20:07] [SPEAKER_01]: when I started to heal my abandonment that helped me get over

[00:20:14] [SPEAKER_01]: that fear place.

[00:20:16] [SPEAKER_01]: And that is knowing that, yes, when you put yourself out there

[00:20:23] [SPEAKER_01]: and you love hard, you always have the chance of getting your fucking heart broken.

[00:20:30] [SPEAKER_01]: You always have the chance of walking down the aisle

[00:20:33] [SPEAKER_01]: and finding out that your husband slipped and his dick fell into

[00:20:38] [SPEAKER_01]: a 19 year old two years later.

[00:20:40] [SPEAKER_01]: You will always have the chance that the man that makes you feel like

[00:20:45] [SPEAKER_01]: he is the center of your universe and is going to write off into the sunset

[00:20:48] [SPEAKER_01]: with you will in fact put your ass on a plane, send you to Europe,

[00:20:52] [SPEAKER_01]: wave goodbye and totally fucking leave you high and dry.

[00:20:57] [SPEAKER_01]: They're all open possibilities.

[00:21:00] [SPEAKER_01]: And you know what?

[00:21:01] [SPEAKER_01]: As much as I love and trust and believe in my relationship with Tay,

[00:21:07] [SPEAKER_01]: I never say that that's not a possibility.

[00:21:11] [SPEAKER_01]: There's never a space in my mind that's like,

[00:21:17] [SPEAKER_01]: I am always 100 percent totally safe and fine because I never obviously

[00:21:21] [SPEAKER_01]: went into my marriage thinking that I never went into my relationship

[00:21:24] [SPEAKER_01]: with Javier thinking that you never go into any relationship being like,

[00:21:27] [SPEAKER_01]: fuck this dude could blow my shit up.

[00:21:31] [SPEAKER_01]: But there was one thing that changed for me.

[00:21:34] [SPEAKER_01]: And this is what I want everybody to really, really listen to.

[00:21:38] [SPEAKER_01]: When I went on my Europe trip.

[00:21:41] [SPEAKER_01]: I had a big fucking aha moment around my long stemming belief

[00:21:48] [SPEAKER_01]: of fear of abandonment.

[00:21:49] [SPEAKER_01]: And that was no matter who abandons me in my life.

[00:21:56] [SPEAKER_01]: The biggest fucking thing is that I will never abandon myself.

[00:22:04] [SPEAKER_01]: And when I really, really tuned into that and really put that together.

[00:22:12] [SPEAKER_01]: I suddenly was not so scared anymore because it didn't matter what guy

[00:22:18] [SPEAKER_01]: was going to rip my heart out.

[00:22:19] [SPEAKER_01]: It didn't matter what person was going to trigger me and make me feel

[00:22:24] [SPEAKER_01]: like my life was exploding in front of my face because I was never

[00:22:29] [SPEAKER_01]: going to abandon myself.

[00:22:32] [SPEAKER_01]: So when the fear creeps up and people are like, Oh my God,

[00:22:38] [SPEAKER_01]: how do you do it?

[00:22:40] [SPEAKER_01]: Aren't you terrified?

[00:22:42] [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, guys, love is fucking scary.

[00:22:46] [SPEAKER_01]: It's it's putting your heart out there on a platter for someone else

[00:22:50] [SPEAKER_01]: to hold in their hands.

[00:22:53] [SPEAKER_01]: That's fucking terrifying.

[00:22:56] [SPEAKER_01]: But am I afraid?

[00:22:59] [SPEAKER_01]: No.

[00:23:00] [SPEAKER_01]: Because if nothing else in this life through everything that I have gone

[00:23:06] [SPEAKER_01]: through and learned.

[00:23:08] [SPEAKER_01]: No matter what happens in any relationship, I know that I will fucking

[00:23:15] [SPEAKER_01]: survive.

[00:23:17] [SPEAKER_01]: I know that I am not going to abandon myself and I know that I am

[00:23:23] [SPEAKER_01]: going to come out the other end of it so much stronger.

[00:23:28] [SPEAKER_01]: And that alone gives me the strength, the peace and the knowing

[00:23:40] [SPEAKER_01]: that everything is always happening for a reason and going to be OK.

[00:23:47] [SPEAKER_01]: Because as long as you are not abandoning yourself,

[00:23:51] [SPEAKER_01]: you always have someone that's got your fucking back.

[00:24:04] [SPEAKER_01]: OK, so we talked a little bit about how my personal fear of abandonment

[00:24:11] [SPEAKER_01]: had manifested in my life.

[00:24:12] [SPEAKER_01]: And when I was younger, it was always wanting to have friends over

[00:24:16] [SPEAKER_01]: and have a sleepover and being really, really close to my mom.

[00:24:20] [SPEAKER_01]: When I got older, that was me always having a man in my life,

[00:24:23] [SPEAKER_01]: always had a boyfriend jumping from guy to guy, having roommates,

[00:24:28] [SPEAKER_01]: never really truly being OK by myself.

[00:24:32] [SPEAKER_01]: And it was in Mekinos that I had a really fucking heavy realization

[00:24:40] [SPEAKER_01]: during a trusty old thought, onion.

[00:24:42] [SPEAKER_01]: And I want to take you back and read an excerpt from that because

[00:24:47] [SPEAKER_01]: we're going to dig into what I think a lot of people do

[00:24:52] [SPEAKER_01]: in their relationships in order to keep themselves safe.

[00:24:57] [SPEAKER_01]: So if you haven't read the book yet, couple of spoiler

[00:25:01] [SPEAKER_01]: alerts ahead, I sleep with more than a few people in Europe

[00:25:05] [SPEAKER_01]: because I know we have some some listeners here that came from

[00:25:10] [SPEAKER_01]: podcast land and haven't gotten to the book yet, which is kind of awesome.

[00:25:15] [SPEAKER_01]: So spoiler alert, we're going to read a little excerpt from Mekinos now.

[00:25:21] [SPEAKER_01]: The other realization I had while walking around town

[00:25:25] [SPEAKER_01]: with both Chris and Marcus, I had told myself I wasn't going to have sex.

[00:25:31] [SPEAKER_01]: And then did just that.

[00:25:33] [SPEAKER_01]: Again, this theme of just not saying no comes up.

[00:25:37] [SPEAKER_01]: I put it off in Amsterdam.

[00:25:40] [SPEAKER_01]: If I'm going to tear up, I might as well cut into one more thought, onion.

[00:25:44] [SPEAKER_01]: Superficial.

[00:25:46] [SPEAKER_01]: I've chosen not to say no to sex three times,

[00:25:49] [SPEAKER_01]: even though I knew it wasn't what I needed or wanted.

[00:25:53] [SPEAKER_01]: Half of me wants to scream, I'm an empowered female and I can sleep

[00:25:56] [SPEAKER_01]: with whoever I want to, men do it all the time.

[00:26:00] [SPEAKER_01]: But I know that's a load of shit.

[00:26:01] [SPEAKER_01]: Alas, what's the authentic thought?

[00:26:04] [SPEAKER_01]: Ever since my dad died, I've been trying to patch the hole in my heart

[00:26:08] [SPEAKER_01]: through my relationships with men.

[00:26:12] [SPEAKER_01]: Yes, I had used all the men in my life to try and mend

[00:26:16] [SPEAKER_01]: the brokenness that was left in my heart when I lost my father.

[00:26:20] [SPEAKER_01]: That's why I don't want to be alone.

[00:26:22] [SPEAKER_01]: But why did I always look for that connection through sex?

[00:26:26] [SPEAKER_01]: What's under it all?

[00:26:28] [SPEAKER_01]: What's the subconscious thought?

[00:26:31] [SPEAKER_01]: I know that this will keep them and therefore I won't be abandoned.

[00:26:38] [SPEAKER_01]: Whoa, that's heavy.

[00:26:41] [SPEAKER_01]: All my life, I have been using this thing,

[00:26:44] [SPEAKER_01]: this power that I have to keep myself safe from abandonment.

[00:26:49] [SPEAKER_01]: It was a tool that I used to get people close to me.

[00:26:54] [SPEAKER_01]: Little did I realize that I was giving up a sacred part of myself

[00:26:59] [SPEAKER_01]: in order to protect myself.

[00:27:03] [SPEAKER_01]: And just like that, I had uncovered a belief that had been running

[00:27:07] [SPEAKER_01]: my life since I was a little girl.

[00:27:10] [SPEAKER_01]: No wonder I felt like I had been running forever and getting nowhere.

[00:27:16] [SPEAKER_01]: Okay, so to have that realization at the ripe age of 28,

[00:27:22] [SPEAKER_01]: was really intense for me because I realized that this fear of abandonment

[00:27:30] [SPEAKER_01]: in me had become so great and so overpowering that I did anything

[00:27:37] [SPEAKER_01]: it took to bring people into my space and make sure they didn't leave.

[00:27:43] [SPEAKER_01]: And sex had become this fucking tool that I knew I was really good at

[00:27:47] [SPEAKER_01]: and that I knew would bring men to me and keep them there.

[00:27:51] [SPEAKER_01]: And even the times where I didn't necessarily want to have sex

[00:27:56] [SPEAKER_01]: or wasn't like feeling that desire to,

[00:27:59] [SPEAKER_01]: I would still go right ahead and do it because I would feel that connection

[00:28:04] [SPEAKER_01]: and I would feel that safety and I would feel that non abandonment feeling.

[00:28:10] [SPEAKER_01]: And to realize that I had been giving up this part of myself

[00:28:14] [SPEAKER_01]: in order to protect myself and seeing that fucked up vicious circle

[00:28:21] [SPEAKER_01]: that had been continuously happening with me and my life

[00:28:25] [SPEAKER_01]: and men that I was choosing to be with was really eye opening.

[00:28:30] [SPEAKER_01]: So I want to pose a question to everyone.

[00:28:35] [SPEAKER_01]: It can be if you are in a relationship now or look back at one of your past relationships.

[00:28:40] [SPEAKER_01]: I want to know if you are staying in your relationship

[00:28:47] [SPEAKER_01]: because you are truly happy and fulfilled and excited

[00:28:53] [SPEAKER_01]: and bonded with your partner.

[00:28:56] [SPEAKER_01]: Or are you staying in that relationship because it's safe

[00:29:01] [SPEAKER_01]: and because it's comfortable and because you don't want to be alone

[00:29:06] [SPEAKER_01]: because those are two vastly different fucking things.

[00:29:11] [SPEAKER_01]: And a lot of people will say, oh, well, yeah,

[00:29:14] [SPEAKER_01]: but like I don't want to start over and, you know, I've talked to women,

[00:29:18] [SPEAKER_01]: even Janna when she was on the podcast, when Janna Kramer came on.

[00:29:22] [SPEAKER_01]: She was like, yeah, when I first found out about all the infidelity,

[00:29:24] [SPEAKER_01]: I was like, well, fuck, you know, I mean, he's good enough.

[00:29:27] [SPEAKER_01]: Like he's he's hitting enough boxes to like, can I get over this?

[00:29:33] [SPEAKER_01]: And I want you to really take a step back

[00:29:37] [SPEAKER_01]: and be tough with yourself and say,

[00:29:40] [SPEAKER_01]: is this something that's fully fulfilling me?

[00:29:43] [SPEAKER_01]: Is this what I dreamed of in a realistic way?

[00:29:47] [SPEAKER_01]: I'm not saying you need to be like fucking writing around

[00:29:49] [SPEAKER_01]: and hot air balloons and like galloping down like fairy tale roads.

[00:29:53] [SPEAKER_01]: But is this something that really fulfills me

[00:29:57] [SPEAKER_01]: in all of the ways that I wanted and dreamed possible?

[00:30:00] [SPEAKER_01]: Or am I simply staying in this because I have a fear of being alone?

[00:30:07] [SPEAKER_01]: And once you answer that question

[00:30:09] [SPEAKER_01]: and if your jaw is currently dropped open on the floor going,

[00:30:13] [SPEAKER_01]: holy fucking shit, Gabrielle, you're speaking to my goddamn soul.

[00:30:17] [SPEAKER_01]: You need to really look at that.

[00:30:20] [SPEAKER_01]: I am not telling you to go break up with your significant other

[00:30:25] [SPEAKER_01]: and like, you know, bone out onto a solo trip,

[00:30:27] [SPEAKER_01]: although I can't disavise the solo trip part.

[00:30:31] [SPEAKER_01]: But I am telling you, if that hit you and resonated with you,

[00:30:35] [SPEAKER_01]: you need to go inward.

[00:30:36] [SPEAKER_01]: You need to look at what trauma isn't healed,

[00:30:39] [SPEAKER_01]: what reasons you have for staying and really get honest with yourself

[00:30:44] [SPEAKER_01]: about if you are in a healthy relationship

[00:30:48] [SPEAKER_01]: that isn't mirroring back your own shit to you.

[00:30:53] [SPEAKER_01]: That being said, if you are in a relationship

[00:30:56] [SPEAKER_01]: that is mirroring back your own shit to you,

[00:30:58] [SPEAKER_01]: that doesn't mean that can't be worked through.

[00:31:01] [SPEAKER_01]: Tay and I mirror back shit to each other all the time

[00:31:03] [SPEAKER_01]: and we're just like, oh, fuck, OK, I got to go work on this.

[00:31:06] [SPEAKER_01]: That doesn't mean that like all hope is lost

[00:31:09] [SPEAKER_01]: and like you should run for the hills.

[00:31:10] [SPEAKER_01]: I'm just saying be honest with yourself

[00:31:13] [SPEAKER_01]: and get real with yourself and with your significant other

[00:31:16] [SPEAKER_01]: and be like, yo, dude, we really need to sit down

[00:31:19] [SPEAKER_01]: and look at the shit that we've taken on from our parents

[00:31:24] [SPEAKER_01]: that we've taken on from our childhood

[00:31:26] [SPEAKER_01]: and really make sure that we have addressed it.

[00:31:29] [SPEAKER_01]: A, so we have a healthy relationship.

[00:31:31] [SPEAKER_01]: B, so that we are both healthy and fulfilled as individuals.

[00:31:35] [SPEAKER_01]: And C, so we don't pass that shit down to our kids

[00:31:38] [SPEAKER_01]: or our like younger people in the family.

[00:31:42] [SPEAKER_01]: And so that it really stops with us

[00:31:44] [SPEAKER_01]: because that's so fucking important.

[00:31:48] [SPEAKER_01]: But when I put up on my Instagram

[00:31:49] [SPEAKER_01]: to submit questions for this specific topic,

[00:31:54] [SPEAKER_01]: my inbox got flooded.

[00:31:57] [SPEAKER_01]: And I knew that it was a topic

[00:32:00] [SPEAKER_01]: that was going to resonate with a lot of you.

[00:32:03] [SPEAKER_01]: So I'm going to try and get through as many as we can

[00:32:06] [SPEAKER_01]: and pick out the ones that we kind of haven't already touched on.

[00:32:09] [SPEAKER_01]: So this first one is how to make a person

[00:32:12] [SPEAKER_01]: with abandonment issues see it clearly and how to help them.

[00:32:17] [SPEAKER_01]: This is a really tricky question

[00:32:19] [SPEAKER_01]: because like with any trauma, you can't just look at someone

[00:32:23] [SPEAKER_01]: and be like, hey, here's all your shit.

[00:32:25] [SPEAKER_01]: Can you go fix it?

[00:32:27] [SPEAKER_01]: It's really difficult to help people see

[00:32:31] [SPEAKER_01]: where those wounds come from,

[00:32:33] [SPEAKER_01]: especially because they're often so triggering

[00:32:36] [SPEAKER_01]: that if they don't want to do the work on themselves,

[00:32:39] [SPEAKER_01]: it's really difficult.

[00:32:42] [SPEAKER_01]: But my best advice for that specific situation

[00:32:46] [SPEAKER_01]: is to suggest going to therapy with them

[00:32:50] [SPEAKER_01]: and say that you want to help look at some of your own stuff

[00:32:55] [SPEAKER_01]: and see if you can work through some different things together.

[00:32:58] [SPEAKER_01]: Having really calm and honest conversations

[00:33:01] [SPEAKER_01]: about ways that you identify with abandonment

[00:33:05] [SPEAKER_01]: and pointing them out to them in such a way as like,

[00:33:08] [SPEAKER_01]: yeah, when I was younger, A, B and C happened

[00:33:11] [SPEAKER_01]: and it really made me feel this type of way

[00:33:15] [SPEAKER_01]: and this is how it's manifested in my life growing up.

[00:33:17] [SPEAKER_01]: And do you have anything that resonates with you like that?

[00:33:21] [SPEAKER_01]: And really trying to just lovingly walk them through it.

[00:33:26] [SPEAKER_01]: I know you can't force people into therapy

[00:33:28] [SPEAKER_01]: that has been the biggest help for me

[00:33:32] [SPEAKER_01]: in dealing with figuring out how to navigate

[00:33:36] [SPEAKER_01]: and heal my abandonment.

[00:33:38] [SPEAKER_01]: And I got to not to like keep tooting my boyfriend's horn,

[00:33:43] [SPEAKER_01]: but I've got to hand it to Tay.

[00:33:46] [SPEAKER_01]: He he knows. Oh, my God, I'm not going to get emotional.

[00:33:51] [SPEAKER_00]: He knows my deepest triggers so well

[00:33:58] [SPEAKER_01]: and loves me so much that he will do anything

[00:34:04] [SPEAKER_01]: to fiercely protect those.

[00:34:07] [SPEAKER_01]: I know I've brought up the story about,

[00:34:13] [SPEAKER_01]: you know, that you all read and book to where we were having

[00:34:19] [SPEAKER_01]: a very difficult conversation when we weren't together.

[00:34:23] [SPEAKER_01]: And I had to tell him some very tough things.

[00:34:25] [SPEAKER_01]: And I've never seen him as mad as he was.

[00:34:28] [SPEAKER_01]: And he looked at me in the midst of all of that

[00:34:31] [SPEAKER_01]: and said, I'm insanely upset and so hurt,

[00:34:35] [SPEAKER_01]: but I need you to know I'm not abandoning you

[00:34:38] [SPEAKER_01]: and I'm not leaving.

[00:34:41] [SPEAKER_01]: And to have someone make sure my wounds

[00:34:47] [SPEAKER_01]: and triggers were taken care of in such a way is so invaluable.

[00:34:52] [SPEAKER_01]: So if you're dealing with someone who has the fear of abandonment,

[00:34:56] [SPEAKER_01]: make sure you don't ever touch those triggers.

[00:35:00] [SPEAKER_01]: That is like the biggest piece of advice I can give

[00:35:04] [SPEAKER_01]: is to take care of those triggers.

[00:35:08] [SPEAKER_01]: Even when we've been in Hawaii, you know,

[00:35:11] [SPEAKER_01]: and I've been ripping my soul apart writing this book,

[00:35:14] [SPEAKER_01]: there have been really tough days where Tay has, you know,

[00:35:20] [SPEAKER_01]: seen how hard it's been on me and where we've had conversations

[00:35:24] [SPEAKER_01]: come up and, you know, talked about Javier,

[00:35:27] [SPEAKER_01]: talked about other people, talked about really tough topics

[00:35:31] [SPEAKER_01]: that we're going to have to tackle when he sits down

[00:35:35] [SPEAKER_01]: to inevitably read this book.

[00:35:37] [SPEAKER_01]: And every single time he looks at me and he's like,

[00:35:40] [SPEAKER_01]: we're going to get through it.

[00:35:42] [SPEAKER_01]: We'll go to therapy.

[00:35:43] [SPEAKER_01]: I'm here.

[00:35:45] [SPEAKER_01]: It's all going to be OK.

[00:35:46] [SPEAKER_01]: You're not going to be abandoned.

[00:35:48] [SPEAKER_01]: And it's just.

[00:35:50] [SPEAKER_00]: I never thought someone in my life, other than my mother,

[00:35:58] [SPEAKER_00]: would be able to respect.

[00:36:03] [SPEAKER_00]: The type of trauma that I've been through and love me enough

[00:36:08] [SPEAKER_00]: to hold my hand as I walk through that.

[00:36:13] [SPEAKER_00]: And I'm just really, really grateful.

[00:36:18] [SPEAKER_01]: I am now crying in a closet while I record this in Hawaii.

[00:36:22] [SPEAKER_01]: OK, here we go.

[00:36:23] [SPEAKER_01]: Next question. OK, this is a good one that I really resonated with.

[00:36:30] [SPEAKER_01]: How to overcome abandonment after a breakup with a narcissist?

[00:36:36] [SPEAKER_01]: Yes, good old, good old narcissist.

[00:36:40] [SPEAKER_01]: So we've talked about Daniel, obviously,

[00:36:44] [SPEAKER_01]: the fact that he was a narcissist and I had no idea

[00:36:47] [SPEAKER_01]: until I got out of the relationship and really started learning

[00:36:50] [SPEAKER_01]: about what a narcissist looks like.

[00:36:53] [SPEAKER_01]: But for me, I did have to do some work

[00:36:58] [SPEAKER_01]: around the abandonment caused by Daniel.

[00:37:01] [SPEAKER_01]: I was very thankful to be out of the relationship.

[00:37:04] [SPEAKER_01]: I was not in love with him anymore.

[00:37:07] [SPEAKER_01]: I was just a good situation,

[00:37:10] [SPEAKER_01]: but that didn't change the fact that someone that I once shared

[00:37:15] [SPEAKER_01]: a life with and had specific feelings for who took vows with me,

[00:37:22] [SPEAKER_01]: blatantly abandoned me in probably one of the worst ways.

[00:37:26] [SPEAKER_01]: So I still had to do some work on that.

[00:37:29] [SPEAKER_01]: And when I was in therapy, it we did this session,

[00:37:34] [SPEAKER_01]: which is so funny because, of course,

[00:37:35] [SPEAKER_01]: this was in one of the chapters I was writing about today.

[00:37:39] [SPEAKER_01]: And we did a session where my therapist took me to each step

[00:37:47] [SPEAKER_01]: that I had felt abandoned in my life.

[00:37:50] [SPEAKER_01]: So obviously, we went to my dad when I was a little girl.

[00:37:54] [SPEAKER_01]: We went to my high school sweetheart.

[00:37:56] [SPEAKER_01]: When that happened, we went to Daniel

[00:38:00] [SPEAKER_01]: when he cheated and we went to Javier.

[00:38:03] [SPEAKER_01]: When I found out I was going on the trip by myself.

[00:38:06] [SPEAKER_01]: But when we got to Daniel, it was really interesting

[00:38:08] [SPEAKER_01]: because she was like, what do you want to say to him?

[00:38:11] [SPEAKER_01]: And I had never, we never had that conversation.

[00:38:16] [SPEAKER_01]: We never sat down and did the whole like, wow, dude,

[00:38:21] [SPEAKER_01]: like you were my husband and like you did this

[00:38:25] [SPEAKER_01]: and like let's talk about our feelings.

[00:38:27] [SPEAKER_01]: Because when he came home, I served him divorce papers

[00:38:30] [SPEAKER_01]: and still wanted to keep a poker face

[00:38:32] [SPEAKER_01]: because I didn't want him to know how much I knew about everything.

[00:38:36] [SPEAKER_01]: So we never had that conversation.

[00:38:40] [SPEAKER_01]: And so I'm sitting in my therapist's office,

[00:38:42] [SPEAKER_01]: eyes closed because she does this,

[00:38:44] [SPEAKER_01]: you know, kind of walks you through it all

[00:38:46] [SPEAKER_01]: and like this meditative state.

[00:38:50] [SPEAKER_01]: And it was really interesting what I ended up saying.

[00:38:55] [SPEAKER_01]: And that was, I don't hate you.

[00:38:59] [SPEAKER_01]: I don't miss you.

[00:39:01] [SPEAKER_01]: But I am so fucking disappointed in you

[00:39:07] [SPEAKER_01]: as a friend and someone who was supposed to keep me safe

[00:39:12] [SPEAKER_01]: because you took my biggest fucking trigger

[00:39:17] [SPEAKER_01]: and blatantly used it against me.

[00:39:22] [SPEAKER_01]: And to be able to sit there in the safety of therapy

[00:39:27] [SPEAKER_01]: and have that conversation.

[00:39:29] [SPEAKER_01]: It didn't even fucking matter that he wasn't there,

[00:39:31] [SPEAKER_01]: that he never heard it, that I didn't get any validation from him.

[00:39:38] [SPEAKER_01]: It only mattered that I had come to that realization

[00:39:43] [SPEAKER_01]: and I had spoken the words.

[00:39:45] [SPEAKER_01]: So my advice to breaking up with a narcissist

[00:39:50] [SPEAKER_01]: and really rebuilding yourself after that

[00:39:54] [SPEAKER_01]: is to have those conversations, not with him.

[00:39:58] [SPEAKER_01]: Have the conversations with a fucking pen and paper.

[00:40:01] [SPEAKER_01]: Have the conversations with your friends.

[00:40:03] [SPEAKER_01]: Have the conversations with the therapist.

[00:40:05] [SPEAKER_01]: Have the conversation so that you feel completed around it.

[00:40:11] [SPEAKER_01]: But if you have the conversations with a fucking narcissist,

[00:40:14] [SPEAKER_01]: they will manipulate you until you are the one apologizing.

[00:40:20] [SPEAKER_01]: So fuck that shit.

[00:40:23] [SPEAKER_01]: The last question I want to get to before we hop in to the FML stories

[00:40:29] [SPEAKER_01]: is how do you identify if you have a fear of abandonment?

[00:40:36] [SPEAKER_01]: And I thought that was a very valid question

[00:40:38] [SPEAKER_01]: because a lot of people, depending on our walks of life or our upbringings,

[00:40:43] [SPEAKER_01]: don't talk about trauma and don't talk about triggers and wounds.

[00:40:49] [SPEAKER_01]: And a lot of these concepts are really new to a lot of people.

[00:40:54] [SPEAKER_01]: So I thought that was a really great question to quickly dive into.

[00:41:00] [SPEAKER_01]: The biggest way you can know if you have a fear of abandonment

[00:41:04] [SPEAKER_01]: is, first of all, you look at things that you've gone through in your life.

[00:41:08] [SPEAKER_01]: Obviously, my story, we've talked about people literally dying

[00:41:13] [SPEAKER_01]: and in one way, whether it was their choice or not,

[00:41:16] [SPEAKER_01]: abandoning you in the biggest way.

[00:41:19] [SPEAKER_01]: We've talked about men actually leaving,

[00:41:22] [SPEAKER_01]: whether that's by cheating or breaking up with you, blindsiding you.

[00:41:28] [SPEAKER_01]: Any way that you are then left feeling vulnerable and not safe or taking care of

[00:41:34] [SPEAKER_01]: is a really good example of that.

[00:41:36] [SPEAKER_01]: But that's definitely not the only thing that causes fear of abandonment.

[00:41:40] [SPEAKER_01]: If your mom or dad left when you were young

[00:41:45] [SPEAKER_01]: and walked out on your family, massive fear of abandonment.

[00:41:50] [SPEAKER_01]: If your parents got a divorce and you were in limbo

[00:41:55] [SPEAKER_01]: and it was a toxic situation and you didn't really ever feel

[00:42:00] [SPEAKER_01]: like you had both feet securely on the ground, fear of abandonment.

[00:42:05] [SPEAKER_01]: If you lost a best friend in any way or someone that was really

[00:42:09] [SPEAKER_01]: a big part of your life to death or if they moved away suddenly

[00:42:15] [SPEAKER_01]: or if something really traumatic happened, that's fear of abandonment.

[00:42:20] [SPEAKER_01]: It doesn't always have to be with a man or with a family member.

[00:42:24] [SPEAKER_01]: It can be really important people in your life that were suddenly ripped away from you.

[00:42:30] [SPEAKER_01]: There are so many different ways that we as human beings

[00:42:34] [SPEAKER_01]: can pick up different beliefs throughout our lives,

[00:42:39] [SPEAKER_01]: especially when we're young and so incredibly impressionable.

[00:42:43] [SPEAKER_01]: And it's about looking back at our blueprints and our lives

[00:42:47] [SPEAKER_01]: and how our paths have been and finding out what

[00:42:53] [SPEAKER_01]: beliefs we picked up along the way.

[00:42:56] [SPEAKER_01]: It's literally like I want you to imagine that you're walking down

[00:42:59] [SPEAKER_01]: a road with a little Easter basket

[00:43:02] [SPEAKER_01]: and along the side of the roads, it's like fear of abandonment.

[00:43:06] [SPEAKER_01]: I'm not worthy, fear of commitment.

[00:43:09] [SPEAKER_01]: Everyone I love leaves.

[00:43:11] [SPEAKER_01]: Nothing I ever do is good enough.

[00:43:13] [SPEAKER_01]: OK, all the different beliefs.

[00:43:16] [SPEAKER_01]: And along that road, we pick up these different eggs

[00:43:20] [SPEAKER_01]: and put them in our goddamn basket.

[00:43:24] [SPEAKER_01]: And after a while, that shit gets really heavy.

[00:43:27] [SPEAKER_01]: So it's about getting to the end of that path

[00:43:30] [SPEAKER_01]: and looking in our basket and being like, OK,

[00:43:33] [SPEAKER_01]: I don't want half of these fucking eggs that are in here.

[00:43:36] [SPEAKER_01]: So what do I have to do to get rid of them?

[00:43:40] [SPEAKER_01]: What do I have to heal to throw the shit back?

[00:43:44] [SPEAKER_01]: Because I don't want it anymore.

[00:43:47] [SPEAKER_01]: And that's really.

[00:43:50] [SPEAKER_01]: What we're here to do in this life to

[00:43:53] [SPEAKER_01]: adapt different beliefs and then work through them

[00:43:57] [SPEAKER_01]: and grow from them and become better because of them.

[00:44:01] [SPEAKER_01]: So I can promise you if this is all hitting you,

[00:44:04] [SPEAKER_01]: smack in the fucking face and you're like, oh, shit,

[00:44:06] [SPEAKER_01]: I have a lot of stuff to go work on.

[00:44:08] [SPEAKER_01]: You are not alone.

[00:44:10] [SPEAKER_01]: I have been there.

[00:44:11] [SPEAKER_01]: I still go through it like it's it's a never ending journey.

[00:44:15] [SPEAKER_01]: It's just about learning how to navigate it

[00:44:18] [SPEAKER_01]: and being aware enough to do the work on it.

[00:44:26] [SPEAKER_01]: Well, if you're still here and still listening,

[00:44:28] [SPEAKER_01]: should I say I told you so?

[00:44:31] [SPEAKER_01]: Did it resonate?

[00:44:32] [SPEAKER_01]: Did you get some shit that you needed today?

[00:44:34] [SPEAKER_01]: I hope you did.

[00:44:35] [SPEAKER_01]: And I hope that there was something in this episode

[00:44:39] [SPEAKER_01]: that either gave you a light bulb moment or a clue as to

[00:44:45] [SPEAKER_01]: something you need to go into and do some deeper work,

[00:44:48] [SPEAKER_01]: some deeper thought onions around, regardless of what you might be

[00:44:52] [SPEAKER_01]: going through or needing in this crazy world we're currently living in today.

[00:44:57] [SPEAKER_01]: I hope this gave you a little reprieve,

[00:45:00] [SPEAKER_01]: a little guidance and a little love.

[00:45:03] [SPEAKER_01]: I will see you guys next week. Cheers.

[00:45:09] [SPEAKER_01]: All right, FMLers, if you don't want to miss an episode,

[00:45:13] [SPEAKER_01]: make sure to follow on your favorite podcast app.

[00:45:15] [SPEAKER_01]: And if you're loving the show, drop us a five star rating and leave a review.

[00:45:20] [SPEAKER_01]: You can keep up with me on Instagram at Gabrielle Stone

[00:45:23] [SPEAKER_01]: or the podcast page at FML Talk podcast for all the merch and books

[00:45:28] [SPEAKER_01]: signed personally by me.

[00:45:30] [SPEAKER_01]: You can shop the FML line on eatprayfml.com.

[00:45:35] [SPEAKER_01]: And as always, have a fucking self love cocktail on me. Cheers.

[00:45:47] [SPEAKER_01]: This podcast has been brought to you by Podcast Nation.