Pour Yourself a F%cking Self-Love Cocktail

[00:00:00] What is up all of my beautiful freaking people? Welcome to February. Welcome to the February solo episode. It's love month, everybody. It's Valentine's Day month, everybody. But fear not, we are doing a self-motherfucking love episode today. So sit back, grab a motherfucking self-love cocktail,

[00:00:25] and welcome to FML Talk. Oh my god. Wait, how old was the other girl? 19. Do you believe that shit? Hey, this is Gabrielle Stone. You did what? I forgot to check your sex addiction. He did what? 48 hours? What a dick.

[00:00:37] Yeah, but have you seen all the photos on our Instagram? And this is FML Talk. Oh no she didn't. Why I needed to put not one but two MFers in the opening is beyond me, but here we are. How is everybody doing?

[00:00:54] Are we having a panic attack that we don't have a date for Valentine's Day? Are we in a stale-ass relationship and we're like, what are we even doing for Valentine's Day? Are we like, I just had this man's whole ass baby

[00:01:09] and this motherfucker hasn't even asked me to be his valentine? I don't care. Whatever state you are in, in your love language, in your love experience, in your love journey, we are going to just deal with the self-love today. Because no matter what you're doing for Valentine's Day,

[00:01:32] you should definitely be loving on your fucking self. It is the most important thing, whether you are single, in a relationship, with kids, without kids, you have to fill your own cup. Put yourself first.

[00:01:51] Look guys, I've preached it before I was a mom and I'm preaching it while I'm a mom. It's hard. I get it. Because your kids need you, you want to drop everything and like run to the beck and call

[00:02:03] and like sacrifice yourself in order to make them happy and whole. Might be controversial, but I still feel that you have to take time for yourself. You have to do things that are going to fill you up. You have to prioritize your self-love, your self-care.

[00:02:21] Does that mean we're all drinking enough water? Fuck no. Do you know how busy we are? But you have to do things that are going to make you happy and fulfilled, because then you can show up as a better parent, as a better friend, as a better partner.

[00:02:37] You're going to be able to be better for the people that you love in your life if you are being good to yourself. Now, I want you as a little Valentine's Day exercise, I want you to sit down and write out a very specific Valentine's Day self-love cocktail

[00:02:58] that does not involve anyone else, does not involve your partner. If you have one, does not involve any of your girlfriends. If you're going out for a Galentine's Day, does not involve your kids. Like just a self, emphasis on the self, self-love cocktail for yourself on Valentine's Day.

[00:03:16] What does that include? Is it a whole ass night where you plan sushi, bubble bath, wine, chocolate, trashy reality TV, whatever it is? Or is it I'm going to go on a gratitude walk in the morning, do a meditation,

[00:03:32] write a love note to myself about how fucking awesome I am? Like whatever it is, I want you to write a very specific self-love cocktail and commit to doing that for yourself. If you want to go to dinner later with your boo-thing, that's totally fine.

[00:03:48] But you commit on February 14th to giving yourself whatever you write in your self-love cocktail that day. Okay? Deal? Done. I think we put so much fucking pressure on this like dumb made up holiday,

[00:04:04] which don't get me wrong, like I love a good excuse to like go to a fancy dinner and kill a bottle of wine or two. I don't judge. And you know, it's always nice to feel loved and appreciated.

[00:04:18] But shouldn't we fucking be doing that every day in our relationships? Shouldn't we be getting flowers on other days of the month of the year of the weeks? Like shouldn't we consistently be like, oh let's go out to a nice dinner and have some us time?

[00:04:36] Or let me show up and do something nice for myself? Or let me get together with my girlfriends and talk about all of the assholes that we've ran through in the past couple years? It doesn't need to just be reserved for this made up February 14th holiday.

[00:04:54] So I want to remind you of that. Take the pressure off. Whatever you like, if you're single, if you're in a relationship, like whatever it is, we have family flying out. Literally they arrive on the 14th and are just crashing our Valentine's Day.

[00:05:07] So like maybe we'll go to dinner the day or two before. Depends on our schedule. Depends on how fucking tired we are. But if we don't go to a dinner, we will make sure to go and like do a picnic or go on a walk together.

[00:05:24] Like we'll do something to make sure we are reconnecting, which like we do all the time. Like once a week. It's kind of important with all the chaos and the crazy that is going on in life to remember to stop and prioritize your relationships.

[00:05:42] There's a sss on the end of that because it's plural because I'm not just talking about the person that you hop into bed with at the end of the night. If there is one, I am talking about your parents. I am talking about your siblings.

[00:05:54] I am talking about your friends. I am talking about whoever is in your life that is important to you, who you value. Then those are the relationships that you need to foster and put time into,

[00:06:08] which is why my circle has gotten so fucking small because who the hell has time to show up authentically in a great way for that many fucking people? Because I don't.

[00:06:18] I really, really this year have made it a focus in my life to make sure no matter what I'm doing or how busy I am or what task there is or what I'm trying to manifest or what's going on in life that I do check-ins with myself.

[00:06:36] I urge you to start doing that along with me. I usually do them once a week. I can do them daily, but I sit down with intentional time set aside and it's like 10 minutes and I just free write what I'm feeling.

[00:06:53] If any questions come up, I jot those down. If there's things that I feel like I'm missing, I let those come out. If there's things that I feel exhausted by, just so I can at the end of the free write time,

[00:07:06] look at the page and be like, okay, this is where I need to prioritize some more. This is where I need to fill in these gaps or maybe this is something I am ready to let the fuck go.

[00:07:22] Whatever it is you are needing, I suggest doing these check-ins so that you can at least be aware of what's going on within you and kind of, the word I'm looking for, customizing your self-love cocktail to that specifically.

[00:07:43] I also want to touch on today because we're talking about love, self-love, love to everyone and all the things, all the love things, talking about your love place. I think when we're talking about manifesting, everyone's always like, go to your love place and then da-da-da-da-da.

[00:08:03] Go to your love place and then visualize yourself doing the thing or go to your love place and then feel into yourself already having what you want. Go to your love place and I think what has worked most for me

[00:08:15] is knowing what I'm working on manifesting, knowing what I'm wanting to create in my life, going to my love place but then just like hanging out there, hanging out in my love place and not

[00:08:27] having to be like, okay, I'm going to think about this happy place and then I'm going to work on what I want to create in my life. You create more abundance, more opportunities, more of what you're wanting just by vibrating higher at that happy love place.

[00:08:48] So the more you can just go to your love place without trying to make anything happen and hanging out there, the better. Whether that's looking at a ridiculously cute video of your baby, speaking from experience,

[00:09:02] or whatever it is, your pet, like your person, a place, Hawaii, like whatever your love place is, how often can you go there throughout the day and just like stop whatever you're doing, take a minute and just like feel the goodness around that love place?

[00:09:19] Second homework assignment for your Valentine's Day is how many times can you do that on Valentine's Day? Just go and feel into all of the love, not to make anything happen, just doing it.

[00:09:33] Now this is where I can't give you an episode without trying to trigger people, right? So here we go. Buckle up. It's summer and somehow I am busier than before, and I really want to feel good in my post-pregnancy mom bod.

[00:09:52] Even more than that, I want to make sure I am fueling myself with good and nutritious food, not just junk because I don't have time to cook. Factor meals have been saving our household for over a year now, and we continue to absolutely

[00:10:06] love the convenience, the taste, and the variety. With 35 different meals and more than 60 add-ons to choose from, you will never get bored and will always have new flavors to explore. My moms out there know that feeling when you just freaking can't anymore by the end of

[00:10:23] the day, and being able to whip up a chef-prepared meal in two minutes with no mess and no cleanup is a game changer. Head to factormeals.com slash fmltalk50 and use code fmltalk50 to get 50% off your first box plus 20% off your next month.

[00:10:44] That's code fmltalk50 at factormeals.com slash fmltalk50 to get 50% off your first box plus 20% off your next month while your subscription is active. Enjoy. What I have also been doing lately is actively, and we talk about this in the forgiveness

[00:11:10] episode way back in season one, which people either loved or hated for various reasons, is actively sending love to the people in your life who have wronged you, the people in your life who you aren't big fans of, the people in your life who don't necessarily

[00:11:30] deserve your love or forgiveness, and actively feeling peace around that and sending them love and good vibrations from afar. If you're like, fuck you, Gabrielle on the horse you rode in on, I am not doing that with this asshole. You're fine. That's your choice.

[00:11:48] But we're doing this to allow our vibration on our end to release them and let go. Only good stuff will come from this. Trust me, they're not going to go become a millionaire and all the good things are going

[00:12:06] to happen to them and karma is not going to come bite them in the ass. That's not how it works. All it's going to do is allow you to let go of any negative vibrations so that you can

[00:12:16] start attracting the shit you want and manifesting the shit that you want in your life. For this month, for Valentine's Day, what if we just let all of the bullshit go of people

[00:12:31] who have hurt you in the past, people who have done things to you, waiting on shit to arrive in your life that you're working on creating? What if we just let all of the stress, the wants, the needs, the past bullshit go and just focus on love?

[00:12:51] Loving ourself, loving the people around us, loving our babies, loving our pets, loving our planet Earth. Just focus on how much you can experience love and give love to those around you and how that will raise your vibrations and make you feel so much better.

[00:13:16] Okay, I have some exciting news to share with you guys. If you don't know from listening to this show, my mother Dee Wallace is a world healer. She is a channel. She does sessions with people all over the world and the work she does is very powerful,

[00:13:34] very incredible. She has changed my life and countless others. She has healed people physically, spiritually, mentally, emotionally and really can zero in on the blocks you have subconsciously in your energy and what you need to do to clear them to move forward in your life in any capacity.

[00:13:53] For example, this past week in my career stuff was not hearing back from multiple people. There were three in one week and I was like, what the fuck is this? I obviously was like, ding, ding, there's a pattern. Something's going on here.

[00:14:09] Of course, I called my mother and I'm like, why aren't people getting back to me? We started doing work around it. Long story short, it ended up being that all of the stuff that is ramping up in my career,

[00:14:24] which if you're on the Patreon subscription and listening to the minis and all my close friends, you know all about what this stuff is. If you're not, the fuck are you doing with your life? Patreon.com slash Evan MellTalk.

[00:14:35] Okay, I have all this stuff that's gearing up in my life, a myriad of different things. And that are going to be like big in my life, personally, professionally and cause very big ripple effect changes in my life, my family's life.

[00:14:53] And I also right now am going through the four month sleep regression with my adorable little baby. And he's been struggling getting down for his naps with anyone but me. So unless it's mom putting him down, he's like, fuck you and the horse you rode in on.

[00:15:10] I'm not having it. Absolutely not. Where's my mother? We're working on it. We're seeing some positive changes. But there was a couple weeks where it was really difficult because I felt like I couldn't

[00:15:22] leave the house for more than an hour and a half between breastfeeding and needing to get him down for his naps and trying to keep his schedule. So subconsciously, I had decided in my head that I need things to slow down in the career

[00:15:39] front to make sure that Stone is okay and has everything he needs and has his mom and yada, yada, yada. Subconsciously in my conscious mind, I'm like, let's fucking go get this show on the road. I'm ready to go do all these things.

[00:15:54] So those are obviously conflicting beliefs. So we started doing all this work. That's what we ended up getting to. And my mom was like, Gabrielle, you have to know that when all of the things happen in

[00:16:07] your professional life, that you're going to be a good mom and figure it out so that Stone is thriving in tandem with that. And you have to continuously go to your love place, which oddly enough, is the baby and

[00:16:23] know that he is happy and thriving and completely taken care of and okay while all of the stuff in your career is happening and going quickly. I kid you not, after we got to this, two out of the three people responded to me within 24 hours.

[00:16:44] And that's how quickly clearing subconscious shit works. So anyways, long tangent to tell you that my mom is a wonder worker with stuff like this and how quickly she gets to it. She and I, God, I can't talk today, guys.

[00:17:00] I've had my coffee, but we're tired over here. So she and I decided that we wanted to combine our work and do an event for Valentine's Day. This is coming up on Tuesday, February 13th. I have been posting about it on my stories.

[00:17:20] You can find it either there or at I am am dwallace.com. But basically, it's a two-hour live event. So we will send you a Zoom link when you sign up. And we're talking all things about relationships. So that means relationship with yourself.

[00:17:41] If you're single, how you can make sure you are in alignment with yourself and healing yourself to eventually attract that partner or for whatever you're wanting to focus on in your life, making sure you're in alignment with that through self-love.

[00:17:59] If you are in a relationship, how you can heal things within yourself and figure out what those things are to enhance your relationship and create a healthier relationship. Basically all things love and relationships we're talking about.

[00:18:14] So she's going to give a big talk on a lot of the stuff that has to do with her work. I'm going to give a big talk about a lot of the stuff that I know about and my work and my experience.

[00:18:26] And then towards the end of the call, we will take questions. She will be able to channel for a lot of people. And the great thing about the call-ins when people call in with questions and we do work

[00:18:38] for them, it always normally applies to many of the other people that are listening on the call. So you end up getting a lot of good shit in this two hours. So if you want to come join us with that, again, you can go to imdwallace.com.

[00:18:54] It's February 13th, Tuesday, the day before Valentine's Day at I believe it's 6 p.m., but you can go on the website and check. It's also being posted frequently in my Instagram stories. And if you're going to gift yourself something for this Valentine's Day, this is a good thing

[00:19:13] to do. Put this in your self-love cocktail and come get some healing and get some good shit from Mama Wallace and I. So I hope to see you all there for some love. All right. We've addressed like what we're doing if we're single and thriving.

[00:19:32] We've addressed what we could be doing when we're in relationships. But what about if I'm stuck in a situation, Chip Gabrielle? What about if I don't know if he's going to ask me to do something on Valentine's Day? What if I don't know if we're even a thing?

[00:19:53] What if they just want to Netflix and chill? This is your specific homework for this Valentine's week. I want you to identify what type of, let's call it love. It doesn't have to necessarily be love.

[00:20:07] And this actually, you know what, this can be done if you're in a full blown relationship. This can be done for your past exes and it's good to do fucking any day of the week.

[00:20:17] I want you to identify what type of love you are in because there's many different kinds. And until you're actually honest with yourself about what type of love it is, it's harder to take the fucking love goggles off and really see clearly and make some good decisions.

[00:20:46] So the first love that I wanted to, and again, I'm saying love as like a general statement and it doesn't mean to be like deep, passionate, like this is my forever person love. Are you in a puppy love type of vibe? Which is, you know, the honeymoon stage.

[00:21:06] You're really excited about where this could go and the future of it all. Because that is a stage to make sure to hang out in for an extended period of time. Do not make rash decisions in this stage. Do not book a trip to Europe.

[00:21:24] Do not, well, maybe book a trip to Europe because if you go alone, that's fine too. Do not move in with the person. Do not like decide to get married tomorrow. Like this is the stage where you're like, okay, this is the type of love that I'm in.

[00:21:36] I want to just chill here and enjoy it for as long as I can. Because it's a great place to be in A. And B, you don't want to make big crazy life decisions and then realize that that shit has faded in four months.

[00:21:51] Not that it always does, but you want to make sure you're being smart about the puppy love. Are you in the uneven love? And what I mean by that is one person is maybe in it to win it a little bit more than the other person.

[00:22:12] And it's obvious that the other person is like a little more behind you. Not that this is necessarily a bad thing, but you want to be aware of it. So you don't want to start playing the games to make them like you more and manipulating

[00:22:33] because that shit's toxic as fuck. And then they're not going to actually like you. They're going to like a version of you that you presented. And we're just going to be fucked anyways in the end.

[00:22:41] If you are the person who is feeling it more than you think the other person is, communication is going to save you a lot of fucking heartache. Like I promise. Start talking about it. Be vocal.

[00:22:58] And if you know that they're not as in it and you don't think that they will get there, make sure you're keeping your priorities in line. Make sure you're still doing your own shit. Make sure you're still living your own life and you're not putting everything you have

[00:23:15] into this person. If it's the flip and they are way more into it than you are, make sure you're communicating with them. Make sure you're telling them where you're at if you want to go slower.

[00:23:29] If you're not fully ready for a relationship, don't be one of those people that ends up having to ghost someone because you didn't like up front be like, yo, I'm not fully prepared to venture into a relationship.

[00:23:43] Are you in a toxic love where you are giving up parts of yourself to make the other person give you what you want? Are you only getting fulfillment when you guys are being intimate? Are you always questioning where you stand with them?

[00:24:03] Are you playing the mental games that we all played in high school to keep them interested or gauge where they're at? If you're in that, please stop trying to convince yourself that this is going to change and go somewhere and that they're the one.

[00:24:17] Let's set healthy boundaries and decide that we're worth more than that. Nobody has time to do that shit. Take it from me who did it for two years. Okay, it's just not fucking worth it.

[00:24:29] Or are you in healthy love where there's good communication, where you're able to rely on each other, where you know how the other person feels about you and you know how you feel

[00:24:40] about them and you feel like you're in a good place and you guys are on the same page? Identify what type of love and again, I feel like everyone is like love is such a definitive word. Well, are you in love with them? It's a spectrum.

[00:24:58] Identify what type of love you are in so you kind of know how to navigate what you're doing and how you're moving in that relationship and put yourself in the other person's shoes. Are you behaving and acting in a way that you would appreciate your partner doing for

[00:25:17] you in a relationship? And adjust and act accordingly. All right, I feel like we've covered my singles, my relationships, my situationships. I feel like this is a pretty well-rounded Valentine's episode. I would love to know how y'all are celebrating.

[00:25:32] So if you can go to the podcast page on Instagram on one of the this week's reels and drop a little comment, I want to know how you're celebrating. Are you Galentine's Daying? Are you going to a romantic dinner? Like what are the plans?

[00:25:50] Okay, it is about that time. We are going to jump into some of your FML stories. Here we go. Dear Gabrielle, as a woman, I've been conditioned to believe that the moment my baby was born

[00:26:09] and placed on my chest would be love at first sight, as depicted in shows and movies. Throughout my pregnancy, I had anticipated this transformative moment, but it didn't happen and it still sort of hasn't happened.

[00:26:22] I wish there was an explanation for how I felt that more women talked about feeling this way, but it was either you're obsessed with your child or you have postpartum depression. But for me, it was neither.

[00:26:34] When I was 18, I was at a friend's house and her sister-in-law, who I've known for most of my life, had just had a child. I asked her, are you just in heaven after having your baby? Her response shocked me. She said, no.

[00:26:46] I couldn't help but judge and think that's possible. It was remembering this exact conversation I had over 10 years ago that gave me comfort in knowing that I was not alone, that I was mentally okay.

[00:26:59] It also made me realize that I needed to speak up as much as possible because there's no way only two women in the world have experienced this. Fast forward to a year ago and I ran into this woman at an event after I had my son

[00:27:11] and I tearfully thanked her for being so honest to a naive 18-year-old. Today, women are so quick to say, I am obsessed with my baby and that's wonderful and I couldn't be happier for those women.

[00:27:22] But I feel like there are women who say that because they feel like they'd be judged if they said anything else. When people ask me when I'm going to have another child, I jokingly respond with, I just started liking this one.

[00:27:34] I can honestly say that I did not form a strong attachment to my son until he was about 16 months old. That's a lie. More like 18 months. What I realized is I'm just not a baby person.

[00:27:45] I love babies, other people's, but once my son got old enough to interact with me is when I felt the attachment begin. Would I describe my attachment as obsession? Definitely not. Do I love my son and would I protect him at all costs? Absolutely.

[00:27:59] Does my entire life revolve around him? Not really. Do I wish it did? Maybe a little more. I love hearing him call me mama and I smile every time I see his little face, but that didn't happen right away.

[00:28:11] And I also love passing him off to someone else so I can have time for myself. My story would be very different if I didn't have my husband in my life. His patience is remarkable and he has never ever judged me or questioned my feelings.

[00:28:23] I am eternally grateful for him. Jenna. Oh, wow, girl. Okay, so this is an interesting FML story for me because this is a friend of mine from elementary school who I know submitted this because I recognized her name when I opened

[00:28:40] it to read it, although I haven't read it until just this moment. And it's so poignant and I know I'm going to get a lot of DMs from people that resonate with this. I myself can't say that I do.

[00:28:54] I am on the other side of the spectrum, although I will say the whole like love at first glance when they place you on the chest, I don't think I really experienced that because A, my fucking face was so puffy from pushing.

[00:29:09] When I looked down, I could barely see him. He also like was so beat up from coming out the birth canal that it was like so many thoughts were going on in my head at one time.

[00:29:20] But I do think that there is a huge stigma around the fact that you're supposed to like just fall in love with this creature that you've never met before. I've heard women that are like, I know this child.

[00:29:33] I've known them in a past life and I'm like, I've been obsessed with them since they've been in my belly. I know people like Jenna who have a more delayed attachment, which I think is not talked about nearly enough.

[00:29:43] So I applaud you for speaking about it and sending this in because I know there are so many women that probably feel this way and feel shamed or guilted into speaking about it or saying that.

[00:29:54] And then there's people like me in the middle who are very much so obsessed with their child, but also enjoy passing them to someone else so that I can get some work and fulfill my own needs.

[00:30:06] So I think there's, again, a broad spectrum of where you can be in your love for another being. And that's a child, a relationship, a parent, a friend, like any type of relationship. Relationships are fucking complicated. They always have been. They always will be.

[00:30:24] And if they're not complicated, they're boring. They're always going to have different highs and lows and twists and turns. And all we can really do is navigate our way through these relationships because that is part of being human. That is part of being alive.

[00:30:46] And anything less would be so very, very boring. Thank you, Jenna, for submitting this. I feel like we could do a whole episode on the different ways that mothers feel towards their children. And obviously for me, that's a very topic that's very much so on my mind lately.

[00:31:05] And I'm glad that we got to feature that on the Valentine's Day episode because not only is it important to remember that love you have for yourself when you are pouring so much into someone else's cup, but it's also important to remember that love between a

[00:31:22] mother and a child, that love between a father and a child, that love between so many different relationships that we have in our life. So I hope this episode has given you something that you need in some capacity and spoke to

[00:31:36] some part of you that is navigating your own way through life right now. If you are wanting some more good relationship stuff, whether it is personal or in a committed relationship that you're in, come hang out with my mom and I.

[00:31:53] She is a force to be fucking reckoned with. So if you feel like you just keep bumping up against a wall or there's some shit that needs to be cleared for you to move forward in whatever capacity you are trying to work

[00:32:06] through in your own life, come hang with us on the live call. It is Tuesday, February 13th, and you can go to imdwallis.com to grab a spot or check out my Instagram stories. It will be on there as well. I love you guys so very much.

[00:32:26] I am sending you all the love for this love month and all the love for all the months because we should consistently be focusing on that fucking self-love cocktail. Tay and I, next week's episode on his monthly episode are going to get into some of your

[00:32:42] relationship questions and really dig deep into some relationship stuff for this February month of love. Okay. I love you guys so much. See you next week.

[00:33:27] Cheers.