Manifesting the F%cking Love You Want (and Deserve) with Lily Womble

[00:00:00] [SPEAKER_02]: Hello, hello, all of my beautiful freaking people. Welcome back to another episode of

[00:00:05] [SPEAKER_02]: FML Talk. I have a wonderful interview on today's episode for you guys to jump into

[00:00:12] [SPEAKER_02]: today. So sit back, grab a cocktail and welcome to FML Talk.

[00:00:18] [SPEAKER_02]: Oh my god. Wait, how old was the other girl?

[00:00:20] [SPEAKER_01]: 19. Do you believe that shit?

[00:00:21] [SPEAKER_02]: Hey, this is Gabrielle Stone.

[00:00:23] [SPEAKER_02]: You did what?

[00:00:26] [SPEAKER_01]: 48 hours?

[00:00:27] [SPEAKER_02]: What a dick.

[00:00:28] [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, but have you seen all the photos on her Instagram?

[00:00:30] [SPEAKER_02]: And this is FML Talk.

[00:00:33] [SPEAKER_00]: Oh no she didn't.

[00:00:34] [SPEAKER_02]: Alright you guys, let me preface this episode with we are going to get into the dating world.

[00:00:40] [SPEAKER_02]: But if you are in a secure, happy, wonderful relationship like I am, hang with me on this episode because what Lily gets into spans far across the dating world, the dating game.

[00:00:57] [SPEAKER_02]: I got a lot out of this conversation, what she had to say. There's a lot of principles in here on attracting what you want, manifestation, and how you're going to really exist in that main character energy and show up for yourself and not be afraid to ask for what the fuck you want.

[00:01:15] [SPEAKER_02]: It was a really eye-opening talk. And if you're in the dating pool being like, fuck the dating apps, how am I ever going to meet my person? This is in fact the episode for you. So it will have a little bit of goodness in here for everyone. I really enjoyed talking to Lily. So let's get into it.

[00:01:39] [SPEAKER_02]: Lily Womble, welcome to FML Talk. How are you? How's it going?

[00:01:45] [SPEAKER_01]: I'm doing great. I just had some fish tacos. I'm feeling alive. Very grateful to be here.

[00:01:53] [SPEAKER_02]: Love it. Can you, for my listeners, just give everybody kind of the little tidbit spiel on how it is that you came to do all the amazing stuff you're doing?

[00:02:03] [SPEAKER_01]: Oh my goodness. Of course I can. So I was raised in the deep South, which is why you'll hear like a twang in my accent. I live in Brooklyn now. And I was raised to believe that I was too much, too sensitive, too bossy, too intense, all of the things.

[00:02:16] [SPEAKER_01]: And so I also saw being raised in the deep South that a woman's worth was so deeply tied to her relationship status with a cisgender man specifically.

[00:02:27] [SPEAKER_01]: And so I, as a young raging feminist, being raised in Alabama, like recognize that like something's off in the dating world, but I couldn't put words to it.

[00:02:35] [SPEAKER_01]: I only realized this when I was an adult having my own late bloomer misadventures that I was like, okay, I don't know what I'm doing. I'm dating. And I believe that I'm too much at the same time because I was living in New York and I needed another side hustle because I needed money to live my life.

[00:02:50] [SPEAKER_01]: And so I became a matchmaker at a top national firm. And so I started, oh, it was so fun. And I thought it would be hilarious about how I was a matchmaker one day. I didn't even think that I wanted to be in the dating space, but I quickly learned that dating was this microcosm of our wellbeing as humans.

[00:03:07] [SPEAKER_01]: It was every single hope, joy, dream, fear, insecurity, desire that we had as humans. And so I loved helping women be well by focusing on and helping them with their dating lives. Like it actually wasn't frivolous. It actually mattered to how we live our lives and how we experience our own agency and confidence.

[00:03:26] [SPEAKER_01]: So while I was matchmaking, I became the third most successful out of 160 matchmakers at that national firm. And then I looked at my own personal life though, Gabrielle and I was, I was a dumpster fire as we are. I was like, I was settling all the time. I was going on dates with people that were absolutely wrong for me. I was in toxic situation chips.

[00:03:52] [SPEAKER_01]: And so I really came to a breaking point where I was no longer willing to give the advice that I was not taking myself. And once I, with the help of therapy was able to break up with that person and start moving on, I asked, how do we never settle again? How do we never ever settle? Because my rigid checklist got me into that toxic situation. I thought that he was everything I wanted on paper.

[00:04:17] [SPEAKER_01]: And so like, I don't trust myself. How am I never going to settle again? My therapist hadn't dated in 30 years. She didn't know what to tell me. My friends just told me to get on another dating app and swipe more. And I knew that wasn't going to work after being professionally on all the dating apps as a matchmaker.

[00:04:32] [SPEAKER_01]: And I knew that matchmaking was this first date solution and I needed something so much more comprehensive than a first date for my own love life. So I started getting beneath the surface of my checklist. I started to coach myself. I started to like really soften how I was talking to myself with self-compassion.

[00:04:50] [SPEAKER_01]: And I started to do the things that I now coach other people how to do in creating a joyful dating life that is rooted in my essence-based preferences, which was something I had helped my matchmaking clients decide what they wanted it. But I just applied this work to myself and I found that my dating life was joyful. I was like freedom filled and like flirty as hell and giving my numbers to cute waiters and like feeling so amazing about myself in the process because of these coaching tools.

[00:05:15] [SPEAKER_01]: And then I ended up meeting the love of my life, my husband, Chris, who is somebody who I would not have necessarily chosen had it not been for like, like my rigid checklist would have gotten in the way of meeting him before the work.

[00:05:30] [SPEAKER_01]: And then I started coaching my matchmaking clients who then started to find better dates for themselves than I or anybody else could find for them. And that's when about six, seven years ago, Date Raisin, my company was born and I broke up with matchmaking to start a feminist dating revolution really to help women and people socialized as women come home to their own preferences, subtle proof, their love lives and attract the best relationships of their lives with joy.

[00:05:57] [SPEAKER_01]: And so I've been coaching hundreds of folks ever since.

[00:06:01] [SPEAKER_02]: Fuck yes. Oh my God, there was so much goodness in everything you just said and I cannot wait to dive in. Okay. So we've talked a lot on this show about dating apps, pros, cons. I've had some guests come on that are like, they're great. This is how you can like use them to your advantage. Some guests are like, they fucking suck.

[00:06:18] [SPEAKER_02]: I've seen the horrors of my friends being on them. I've thankfully never had to venture down that road. So tell me from a matchmaker standpoint, your opinion on all of the dating apps.

[00:06:32] [SPEAKER_01]: Okay. So I think there are only two reasons to use a dating app. Number one, to get to know your dating personality. So I want people who are dating to know what their deeper preferences are, to know what the triggers are, to know how, what boundaries they need to set, to be aware of their body and their physical experience while they're swiping and engaging with an app.

[00:06:55] [SPEAKER_01]: Because remember, dating is a microcosm. It's not just frivolous like, oh, let me swipe some. No, your brain or your face can literally like see another human's face, be reminded of somebody else that you used to date and be immediately triggered and taken right to that moment. Just because of like neurons in our body, like interpreting other people's faces. So it's a very intimate thing using a dating app. And I want people to know their dating personality so they have better tools to care for themselves.

[00:07:20] [SPEAKER_01]: So that's number one reason to get to know your dating personality. Number two reason is to meet somebody outside of your social circle. It's not that deep, like in terms of they're not the answer. There's so many other ways to expand your social circle other than a dating app. However, it does offer this like lower barrier to entry. You don't have to ask if somebody else is single. You don't have to ask them if they, you know, there are some filters in place, but then let's look at the, let's look at the data and the recent.

[00:07:50] [SPEAKER_01]: Suits that has come forth. Have you heard about this suit against Matt? No, no, please tell us. Yeah. So it's a tale as old as time really in 2018, the FTC federal trade commission sued match group, which is the big conglomerate that owns match.com tender hinge. Okay. Cupid plenty of fish.

[00:08:11] [SPEAKER_01]: They don't own Bumble. Bumble is its own thing, but I don't think Bumble is that much better. Match group was sued in 2018 by the FTC for fraudulent bots that were luring people into paid upgrades. Stop. Oh my God. Like look how many hot people are on our app, but only if you upgrade.

[00:08:30] [SPEAKER_01]: The bots would interact with people as humans. Like, Hey, I'm interested. Like let's keep, let's talk. And the person would be like, oh my God, there's a match. I'm talking to like a person and then that would be like, you have to pay money to keep talking to them. Wow. Yeah. So that happened in 2018. Recently, there's been a suit brought by six plaintiffs against match group for the addictive nature of these platforms.

[00:08:58] [SPEAKER_01]: It's very similar to how Tik Tok is designed to like lure children into addiction and it's not, it's not great. You know? So I think dating apps are being held to take into task. I think that the veil is sort of like lowering, like people are actually seeing that these businesses are in it to make money for their shareholders.

[00:09:16] [SPEAKER_01]: And that's why I recommend that if you do want to use a dating app, it can be a powerful tool, but only if you have the right boundaries and plan are willing to divorce. The idea that a dating app is the answer to you finding love. Cause it's just one tool. Yeah. Right. Yeah. So that's why I love teaching people in person dating as well. But when I was matchmaking, I was on all the dating apps professionally. There were people who were interested in a relationship.

[00:09:42] [SPEAKER_01]: I would vet people for my clients and then becoming a dating coach. That's why I love helping people become their own expert matchmaker with the right questions to ask how to tell if somebody is right for you or not pretty quickly. So you don't waste your time with the wrong people. Right? Like, I think that you can become your own expert matchmaker on these tools as well.

[00:10:01] [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, for sure. And for those people that are on dating apps, is there a good way that you would recommend to detox from them? Like if they're like, okay, this is not working. I need to get the fuck out.

[00:10:38] [SPEAKER_01]: Right. And that's exhausting and it's existentially exhausting. So to get out of that download delete cycle, I really recommend that people intentionally detox for a month. And I have a podcast episode about this called the complete dating detox, but basically three parts.

[00:10:59] [SPEAKER_01]: I recommend getting off of the dating app and journaling out what am I making this dating app mean about me and about my future dating life? Because inevitably there's going to be stories that people have sort of stockpiled or hoarded in their brain that sound like it's not possible. I'm not attractive enough. Nobody likes me on these apps. I'm not good at dating. I'm uniquely bad at this or there's what I want doesn't exist.

[00:11:27] [SPEAKER_01]: Really acknowledging those stories on paper and saying, let me be compassionate towards that version of myself who just wants to be safe and who just wants to get what they want. Instead of mindlessly saying, I'm not going to do the dating apps anymore. Engage thoughtfully with why are they triggering to you right now? Period.

[00:12:12] [SPEAKER_01]: Right.

[00:12:13] [SPEAKER_01]: Right.

[00:12:46] [SPEAKER_00]: The domain for disobedient women who date men. Warning, this podcast might just be your man's worst nightmare. So beware. You can stream the slumflower hour now wherever you get your podcasts.

[00:13:04] [SPEAKER_02]: It's not just like dating and dating apps that goes so far across like any avenue of your life. If you have a negative narrative, you need to like sit down and get all of those thoughts out on paper to be like, oh shit, this is what I think. Like, of course, I'm creating a negative experience for myself. Look at where all the fear based thoughts are.

[00:13:22] [SPEAKER_01]: Yes, of course. I'm not putting myself out there or like, of course, I'm not approaching somebody in person because I have decided it's already over. You're right. Why would I try something new if my brain has decided because of survival that it's already over? So I post a lot of Tik Toks about like, here's how to meet somebody in person or here's how to use a dating app to your advantage or like, here's how to do it. And I get inevitably so many comments that are like, this isn't going to work for me. This isn't going to work for me. This isn't going to work for me.

[00:13:48] [SPEAKER_01]: Not if you think that.

[00:13:49] [SPEAKER_01]: I just...

[00:13:51] [SPEAKER_02]: Hello?

[00:13:52] [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.

[00:13:52] [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, you got to do something different to get a different result.

[00:13:56] [SPEAKER_02]: Fucking A. Preach. Okay. You also mentioned in finding your current husband who I love that his name is Chris. We love Chris's on this show. You said, I never would have found him if I had kept my rigid ass checklist. I think your word was.

[00:14:12] [SPEAKER_02]: Talk to me about how picky should someone be in creating that dreaded checklist that I feel like everyone has grown up with like, oh, well, you need to have your checklist and you understand like what you're looking for and da da da da da. And sometimes they're absolutely ridiculous.

[00:14:27] [SPEAKER_02]: Like my husband now is on paper, nothing what I would have thought was supposed to be coming into my life. I mean, on all of our core values, yes, but he came in a wrapped in a different package with an extra child and I was like, what the fuck is this?

[00:14:43] [SPEAKER_01]: Right, right, right. Right. I told a look, this is the testament to what I call essence based preferences. So my theory is, and I can be proved in my own story and so many of my clients stories is that when you know how you want to feel in the right relationship, when you know the essence of how, what made you come alive across the table, then you use that as your metric to make decisions in your dating life instead of.

[00:15:13] [SPEAKER_01]: A rigid checklist. So I think, you know, I like to think of it as most people are either over-functioning meaning rigid checklist, meaning they need to go to this school and then this type of degree and they need to make this exact amount of money. And then the rigid checklist over-functioning is just a form of self-protection because you don't trust that you'll know when the right person's in front of you, you need to have this checklist. It'll, it'll lead you to where the rigid checklist is cutting you off from potential opportunities.

[00:16:10] [SPEAKER_01]: Right.

[00:16:12] [SPEAKER_01]: Instead of saying like, everybody says kind, funny, smart. I want to know for your essence based preferences, what is your definition of kind? How does it feel for you to be in the, in the presence of somebody kind? What other words would you use to describe some kind? What makes that kindness come alive for somebody?

[00:16:30] [SPEAKER_01]: How do they display that kindness in the world? Like asking yourself these questions to get to know your unique definition of what you want will allow you to tune in with your intuition and like use how you want to feel as the metric of whether or not to keep going out with somebody rather than, oh, they don't, they're not in the package I thought. Like, is this, oh my God, getting in your head about like, am I settling because this is not what I thought I wanted? And when you know how you want to feel, you'll never settle again in your dating life.

[00:16:58] [SPEAKER_02]: Oh, I love that. When you know how you want to feel, you'll never settle again in your dating life and dating life then goes to relationship, to marriage, to anything. And I think it continues to grow and evolve and change because even 10 years into a marriage, if you know how you want to feel, you're going to communicate that and you're not going to settle even in that relationship.

[00:17:24] [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.

[00:17:24] [SPEAKER_02]: Oh, I love that so much.

[00:17:25] [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah. I find that in my marriage as well. We got married last year, so it's almost been a year and we've been together seven total years. So I find that when I trusted my essence-based preferences, I trusted how I wanted to feel. I mean, on our first date, I was cold and Chris just like reached across the table and like, was like, can I warm your, like, can I warm your hands? Let me warm your hands up.

[00:17:48] [SPEAKER_01]: And I just felt in that moment, like, oh my God, this gorgeous man is touching, is like holding my hands and like holding me in the process. And it wasn't, it was just so a moment where I felt belonging. I felt safety. I felt held. And I never, ever felt that before in my dating life. Ever.

[00:18:39] [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.

[00:18:51] [SPEAKER_01]: So that you're used to that experience.

[00:18:54] [SPEAKER_01]: Right.

[00:18:54] [SPEAKER_01]: And so that it's not so shocking to be in the best relationship of your life.

[00:18:58] [SPEAKER_02]: Right. It's almost, I would compare it to not that it's the same, but it's in the same, I would say under the same umbrella, like knowing your worth so you don't have to figure that out in a relationship, like going into the relationship being like, I know my worth and then having that mirrored back to you.

[00:19:16] [SPEAKER_02]: So you're like, yes, that's where I'm at. This is what I deserve. This is what I want. But that's such a good point is that being able to receive, I feel like so often for whatever reason in this world, that's one thing that people struggle with a little bit is being like, well, wait, I don't deserve to get everything that I want. Why me? Like, why would I? Why?

[00:19:38] [SPEAKER_02]: And that's like a big thing in like manifesting, creating relationships, like any facet of life. You have to be able to openly receive and it can be uncomfortable if you haven't been able to like drop into that and get used to that.

[00:19:52] [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah. And I think to heal that and to really start building that receiving muscle, self-compassion is a requirement.

[00:20:02] [SPEAKER_01]: Passion is scientifically proven to reduce stress and to increase resiliency, which are two things that you definitely need to like receive new amounts of love or support or care. You need the resiliency and you need to lower your stress level so you can allow in more.

[00:20:19] [SPEAKER_01]: So I think for folks who are struggling with receiving right now or like receiving even in friendships or at work or like wherever you have the thought, like maybe I don't deserve to get what I want or maybe I'm broke, too broken. Maybe I need to prove myself more.

[00:20:35] [SPEAKER_01]: I would just like first have so much compassion for that young version of you who learned to survive by like hustling for their worthiness.

[00:20:45] [SPEAKER_02]: Yes. Ooh, have compassion for that young person who learned to survive hustling for their worthiness. That's a powerful one. I want to like give that a moment because I feel like people who are listening to this are like, oh, that's my little inner child screaming and kicking at me. Yeah.

[00:21:04] [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, because I think, you know, when I think about learning about manifestation for the first time, I had so much self-blame. Like, why don't I know how to do this already? Like, why am I bad at this? Why is this so hard for me? But instead, I think that that only creates sort of a cognitive dissonance in your brain of like, I know what I should be doing, but my brain isn't doing it. Just like soften all that shit with self-compassion. I think it really, really helps to move forward fast.

[00:21:29] [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, 100%.

[00:21:38] [SPEAKER_02]: Okay. So the Thank You More Please, obviously that's the title of your book, but you had a viral TikTok challenge that was like wild. Can you talk to me a little bit about what that was about?

[00:21:51] [SPEAKER_01]: Okay. So I had been on TikTok for a while. I love TikTok. I love talking to my people on TikTok and something that I heard consistently was like, I just don't believe that what I want is possible. I don't believe it. You know, it doesn't exist. I hear also like progressive men don't exist. You can't make them appear from thin air. So how are you? How's your dating advice going to help me?

[00:22:12] [SPEAKER_01]: So I was like, okay, first and foremost, we got to heal this belief that what you want doesn't exist. But instead of trying to toxic positivity your brain into like force, trying to force yourself to believe it, that's not going to work because your brain is going to reject that toxic positivity. It's why it just exists. That doesn't work. Your brain's not going to believe it.

[00:22:34] [SPEAKER_01]: So I created the Thank You More Please challenge in my life and my business when I was struggling and I was feeling really vulnerable and I was afraid that I wasn't going to succeed. I wasn't going to get what I wanted. So every time I got a new client or every time I like led an amazing coaching session, I would say, thank you more please out loud.

[00:22:53] [SPEAKER_01]: So I wanted to acknowledge the thank you, the gratitude. I also didn't want to stop there. I wanted to engage the desire as well in the both end of gratitude and desire for more. So I started saying thank you more please. And then my brain started to catch on to like more evidence that more was on the way and that I was actually getting everything that I wanted in that moment.

[00:23:15] [SPEAKER_01]: So I just took that concept and applied it to dating for my clients. They started to find incredible results with building hope, which means Thank You More Please challenge is knowledge what you want, very simple, and go out into the world for one week and look for evidence that it exists. Slivers of evidence, one flirty conversation with a barista, one cute interaction with somebody at a therapy office, one moment of eye contact with a cute person.

[00:23:42] [SPEAKER_01]: Say thank you more please out loud. And then what's going to happen is that it's the Bader-Meinhof phenomenon. Like I didn't make this up, but the red car theory. It's like when you pay attention to the amount of red cars in the world, you'll start seeing more of them. It's not magic. It's that your brain expands what it's paying attention to. And it's the reality that more is possible in your dating life than you currently realize and you just got to pay attention to it.

[00:24:08] [SPEAKER_01]: And so the Thank You More Please challenge, people really latched onto it and resonated. And I've heard people say that that challenge alone helped them attract the best date of their life, helped them attract an amazing relationship, helped them attract so much more joy day to day. And so it inspired the title of my book. And my book is really a step-by-step process expanding even more from Thank You More Please, the challenge, into how can you own everything you want and show up in your dating life asking for it and receive it in abundance?

[00:24:38] [SPEAKER_02]: I love that. I love that. And we talk a lot on this show about, you know, when you're trying to attract something, whether it's money or a new job or a relationship, like you can't hate what you're trying to create. So like, you're walking around in the world being like all men are fucking assholes. They are all cheaters. There's no good men out there. Da da da da da. Like, how the fuck do you think you're gonna just like attract someone that's completely opposite of that?

[00:25:06] [SPEAKER_02]: Or if you're walking around like saying, like, as an actor, like auditioning is such bullshit. It's such a crapshoot. Like everyone, like all the nepotism, blah, blah, blah, blah. Like you have to know someone, this and that. Like, how are you ever gonna book a job if you hate the industry you're trying to be a part of?

[00:25:22] [SPEAKER_02]: And I think that that's so, it's like a way to start breaking that down for people that are caught in that cycle of thinking to be like, okay, let me look at the little slivers of goodness and be like that. Thank you more, please. Like that's brilliant. It's great.

[00:25:47] [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.

[00:26:36] [SPEAKER_01]: Right.

[00:26:42] [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, absolutely. Whew. Okay. So what are people going to get from buying the book and like diving into all of that? Because so much of what you've already said on this call is like so spot on and like very, very great. Not only just for like dating world, but way beyond that in my opinion.

[00:27:00] [SPEAKER_01]: Thank you. Thank you. I think you more, please. I received it. And I think that this book, I know that this book, thank you more, please. A feminist guide to breaking dumb dating rules and finding love is going to help everyone who reads it detox from toxic dating culture that tells us that we're too much, that we're not enough, that we should be doing things differently. Right? Like detoxing from the patriarchal bullshit that we've ingested over the years in the dating world.

[00:27:27] [SPEAKER_01]: It's also going to give you a practical roadmap, step by step, how to create a joyful dating life that feels like an act of self care so that you can start shedding the past narratives about like why you're not enough or why you're too broken. Like really unlearning those narratives to step deeper into your worthiness and to then just like thank you more, please is pretty practical.

[00:27:51] [SPEAKER_01]: I give very practical advice based in research and based on me coaching hundreds of people through this stuff on how to attract more in practice in your dating life with a dating app, but mostly within person dating. So I teach you how to date in person with main character energy and I teach you how to engage your friends to become a matchmaker for you because it's not that your friends are bad at setting you up, that there isn't anybody, that you haven't learned how to effectively help.

[00:28:19] [SPEAKER_01]: You haven't learned how to teach them how to effectively help you yet. So I teach you how to do that in the book. And then ultimately, this book will allow you to attract the best relationship of your life with more ease and so much more self celebration along the way.

[00:28:35] [SPEAKER_02]: I love that. Can we go into that just a little bit? I know you obviously talk about it in depth in the book, but because so many people ask like I have all these friend groups and like how do I use that to my advantage? So how would you recommend getting better setups from your friend group?

[00:28:53] [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah. So it's really about giving yourself permission to want what you want first because so many people are like, Oh, I don't want to bother my friends or, Oh, they told me they don't have anybody to set me up with. So I don't know what to do. Give yourself permission to want what you want. Just like your friend who asked you to be a bridesmaid in their wedding gave themselves permission to be supported by you being in their wedding.

[00:29:15] [SPEAKER_01]: So give yourself permission to be supported first and foremost, and allow yourself to want what you want. Secondarily, you need to have an intentional conversation. It doesn't need to be like in passing like, Hey, would you set me up sometime? Because your friends have ingested the same dating bullshit that you have. Even if they're partnered, they might have limiting beliefs about the dating world that are not true or whatever.

[00:29:37] [SPEAKER_01]: So choosing somebody that you really trust to be a co-conspirator in your dating life and then having an intentional conversation with them. And in the book I give like scripts and like boundaries that you can set with those friends because inevitably your friend might say something like, I don't know any single people to set you up with. And in response to that, you don't just have to take that like, be like, No, I would love it if in this relationship we can start coming up with creative solutions together.

[00:30:04] [SPEAKER_01]: We are brilliant. Let's co-create creative solutions. So then it's about how can we go out together and joy build together? Make eye contact with cute people. How can you be my wing person? It's about at work. If you meet somebody in a work conference or you go to an airport and you meet somebody cute, how are you vetting them with my qualifying disqualifying questions?

[00:30:24] [SPEAKER_01]: So I give in the book like a literal guide to help your friends set you up so you can share your essence based preferences, your qualifying disqualifying questions that you need to ask somebody before be going on a date and your deal breaker so that your friend knows how to set you up better. Like you just need to teach them. And you need to know for yourself, how do I teach them? And that's what I help people do in the book.

[00:30:46] [SPEAKER_02]: I love that. And like finding the friends in your friend circle that are going to like be the ride or die matchmakers for you because those are like important people.

[00:31:16] [SPEAKER_01]: Oh my God.

[00:31:54] [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah. And that really is going to plug a lot of people into being powerful enough to ask for what they want and not thinking that they're too much for doing that. And let us tell you, you're not. Go do it.

[00:32:07] [SPEAKER_01]: And there's no, there's nothing. I think this is so important, Gabrielle. There's nothing that your coupled friend knows more than you about what you need and want.

[00:32:19] [SPEAKER_02]: Right.

[00:32:20] [SPEAKER_01]: Because the world treats coupled people, specifically women, people socialized as women as ahead of single people. Sometimes single people, a lot of my clients can go to their coupled friends and be like, how did you find a relationship when they just stumbled into it?

[00:32:32] [SPEAKER_01]: Right.

[00:32:33] [SPEAKER_01]: It's not like they know more than you necessarily because they found a relationship and you didn't. I think that it's about like stepping into your self-trust and knowing what you want because your relationship is going to be distinctive from theirs.

[00:32:45] [SPEAKER_02]: Totally. Yes.

[00:32:46] [SPEAKER_01]: And your love story is going to be unique to you and it's not going to be theirs. So really stepping out of that like coupled people know more than me paradigm will empower you to know what you want, to become your own expert matchmaker, to empower them to set you up with the tools that you learn with this book or with some of the things we talked about on this podcast.

[00:33:07] [SPEAKER_01]: So I'm excited for people to step into that era of main character energy for themselves.

[00:33:11] [SPEAKER_02]: Yes, I love main character energy. Like just that phrase alone is brilliant for any facet of your life. Like not just dating.

[00:33:19] [SPEAKER_02]: 100%.

[00:33:20] [SPEAKER_02]: Like exist in the main character energy. Lily, this has been so great even for people who are in relationships like myself. I got so much out of what you were saying. So I love that it kind of like crosses that boundary of what, you know, your book specifically, the demographic that it's for. But can you tell people where they can find you online, where they can get the book, all of the things?

[00:33:39] [SPEAKER_01]: 100%. So you can go to datebrazen.com, D-A-T-E-B-R-A-Z-E-N.com to find out all about my coaching and to learn about the book. You can buy the book anywhere books are sold. It is out right now by the time this podcast drops and I'm so excited for you to read it everyone.

[00:33:57] [SPEAKER_01]: And if you're a couple listening, you're going to love it because you're going to be able to connect with your single friends so much more deeply and you're going to be able to help them so much more effectively because you have these tools that could deepen your friendship. And my podcast is the Date Brazen Podcast. So people can check that out as well. And the book is Thank You More Please.

[00:34:18] [SPEAKER_02]: Love it. Thank you more please. Yes, Lily, thank you so much for being here. We appreciate it. Thank you for all the goodness that you just shared. I absolutely adore you. Thank you.

[00:34:29] [SPEAKER_01]: Thank you. Same to you, Gabrielle.

[00:34:31] [SPEAKER_02]: I want to thank Lily so much for coming on today and sharing all of that really poignant stuff on dating advice, but also just being a female in this world and existing in your power and in your strength. I hope you guys check out her site and definitely go grab a copy of her book. Thank You More Please.

[00:34:56] [SPEAKER_02]: And please start doing that. Give it a week. Start saying thank you more please and see what the fuck starts changing in your life. And let me know how it goes for you. I love you. I will see you next week. Cheers.

[00:35:29] [SPEAKER_02]: For all the merch and books signed personally by me, you can shop the FML line on eatprayfml.com. And as always, have a fucking self-love cocktail on me. Cheers.