Embracing Change and Giving Up F%cking Control

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[00:01:36] Hello, hello, all of my beautiful freaking people. Welcome back to another episode of FML Talk.

[00:01:43] We are due for a motherfucking solo episode. So sit back, grab a cocktail and welcome to FML Talk.

[00:01:52] Oh my God. Wait, how old was the other girl? 19. Can you believe I should?

[00:01:55] Hey, this is Gabrielle Stone.

[00:01:57] Good book?

[00:01:59] He did what?

[00:02:00] 48 hours?

[00:02:01] What a dick.

[00:02:02] Yeah, but have you seen all the photos on our Instagram?

[00:02:05] And this is FML Talk.

[00:02:07] Oh no, she didn't.

[00:02:09] All right, y'all. Let me get comfy on my couch here because it's been a minute.

[00:02:17] Last month, I didn't do a solo episode. I just didn't have it in me.

[00:02:25] I was like, what am I even going to talk about?

[00:02:30] Which, of course, when I go through those moments, I always have lots to talk about.

[00:02:35] I'm just not necessarily ready to talk about it.

[00:02:38] So we're going to dig in today about kind of where I've been at, where I'm at now.

[00:02:43] Different stuff I've been dealing with.

[00:02:45] If you are subscribed to the minis, I've been keeping you pretty up to date and pretty posted

[00:02:51] on the day-to-day and like where my brain and my heart has been at.

[00:02:56] If you're not on the minis, I don't really know what the fuck you're doing with your life.

[00:03:00] There are 15 seasons that you can binge at your leisure that have like massive secrets about the

[00:03:09] FML world, like deleted chapters, updates of like characters from the books, seasons that have

[00:03:19] nothing to do with the books that are just fun, ridiculous, dirty little secrets from people that

[00:03:26] you know from the main show. There's a whole season with my mom. There's multiple episodes

[00:03:32] with Tay. It's just a really fun little binge sesh on your drives. And you also get added to my close

[00:03:39] friends on Instagram and there's a bunch of other perks that come with it. So if you want to sign up

[00:03:44] for that, you can go to patreon.com slash FML talk. Okay. Let's take a deep collective breath.

[00:03:50] Here we go. I have been off social media. I am recording this right after I got back from San

[00:03:59] Francisco. I don't even know what fucking day it is. Let me look at my calendar. It is October 22nd.

[00:04:04] When I am recording this, you are listening to this the first week of November, which means cheers

[00:04:08] to my motherfucking Scorpios. It is our season to tear some shit up and make some shit happen

[00:04:16] and get fiery. My birthday is this month on November 20th, but I am recording this now at the end of

[00:04:23] October, just before Halloween. And last night we got back from our weekend in San Francisco, which I'm

[00:04:30] sure Tay and I will talk about on our episode this month, but I am exhausted. I am once again,

[00:04:38] the travel days are just brutal because my child does not like to sleep on the go. He likes to

[00:04:46] sleep in a pitch black nursery at the perfect temperature with multiple sound machines going

[00:04:53] and like five stuffy, lovey things to snuggle with. I don't blame him. I don't fucking like sleeping on

[00:05:00] the go either, but it makes road trips interesting. Both days on the way up and on the way back, he took

[00:05:08] one 30 minute nap as opposed to his two naps, usually an hour and a half and an hour.

[00:05:18] So he was just hanging on for dear life as were the rest of us in the car, but we made it. It was a

[00:05:23] great trip. And like I said, I have been pretty much off social media for two full weeks now as I'm

[00:05:31] recording this. Has it been two? Yeah, two full weeks. And I want to talk about some of the things

[00:05:38] that prompted that. And then some of the things that I've noticed while being off, I have popped on,

[00:05:44] uh, on Wednesdays, obviously to share the podcast posts, but I have been very strict on like

[00:05:50] opening the app, posting the content I need to post, sharing it if it needs to be shared and then

[00:05:56] closing it. And that's it. I have not been scrolling. I have not been looking at other

[00:06:01] people's stuff. This has been on Tik TOK too. I haven't even opened Tik TOK because they don't

[00:06:06] have to keep up with stuff on their business wise. And let's start with the reasons why I got to a

[00:06:13] place where I realized that multiple times a day, I was like picking up my phone to just like doom

[00:06:19] scroll, which I know that we all have done and know what that is, but it was, I don't know if it

[00:06:26] was my algorithm or what was happening, but like, it was just making me very aware of like the doom, uh,

[00:06:34] and peril that our world is facing at the moment. I was so fucking deep in this ditty wormhole of

[00:06:43] conspiracies of secret tunnels under his mansion and all this fucked up shit that people have been

[00:06:49] enabling him to do this whole time. Like it was, I was like, if people are getting away with shit

[00:06:56] at this level and it bleeds over into our politics and like all of the people in power in this world,

[00:07:04] like what the fuck are we doing? Why am I not just living on a little farm somewhere in Italy,

[00:07:10] like in a bubble, because this shit is overwhelming because you feel so insignificant and powerless

[00:07:17] is where I was at. And my algorithm was supporting all of this. It was like, yes, bitch. Yes, that's

[00:07:23] correct. You are, you should run. And just everything with like the, the state of unrest in the world.

[00:07:31] Like I was talking to my sister-in-law in San Francisco and we were like, do you remember

[00:07:37] when people could have different political views or support different parties and have actual

[00:07:42] discussions about their views and beliefs and why? And it wouldn't cause people to be like,

[00:07:50] fuck you. We're no longer ever going to speak again. And I'm going to go key your car type shit.

[00:07:56] Cause it's a lot. Like you walk around scared to like say anything because people are going to have

[00:08:02] this huge fucking problem with it. Especially if you have a platform, then it's like, you're fucked.

[00:08:07] If you do, you're fucked. If you don't, you're shitty. If you don't speak up about shit, but then

[00:08:11] when you do speak up about shit, you lose half your audience or like people come after you and bully

[00:08:15] you. And it's like, it's exhausting. It's fucking exhausting. Um, so it was just a lot. And I was on

[00:08:25] Tik TOK scrolling like an hour to an hour and a half before bed, which is like horrible for your

[00:08:32] fucking brain. I was having lots of trouble sleeping. I'm sure that was a contributing factor.

[00:08:37] Amongst many other things. And I was like, I just need to detach and take a break. Like I just need,

[00:08:44] I need some time. So I made the commitment to do that the first 48 hours. It was so

[00:08:54] disturbing and shocking how many times when I had any spare moment throughout my day,

[00:09:00] I would pick up my phone and my thumb would inadvertently be scrolling to the third page

[00:09:05] on my phone. Cause I keep it on the third page for a reason. So I like have to scroll all the way

[00:09:10] there to like open it and to like mindlessly would just be opening my Instagram. And then I would be

[00:09:18] like, Oh my God, what am I doing? And close it. That took like two days to, for lack of better words,

[00:09:24] detox from until I stopped feeling that urge to do that. And it was, it was during the times where I had

[00:09:32] any moment, even if it was like at a red light or sitting down to pee or things that you should just

[00:09:39] be able to chill and do. And what I like started putting together was that I've been so hyper-focused

[00:09:50] on making sure I'm busy all the time to where my brain is distracted from how I've been feeling

[00:09:59] that it's gotten like insanely out of hand. Um, to the point where like, if I was watching a TV show

[00:10:07] and a minute or two minutes of the commercial break would pop up, I would immediately pick up my phone

[00:10:15] and start like looking at stuff. It's like, why can't I just sit there and fucking like chill and

[00:10:22] like allow myself to just be. And when I started realizing that I wasn't able to, you know, get that

[00:10:31] fix if you will, by going to social media. So then what I found myself doing was I would still pick up

[00:10:36] my phone and I would start looking at pictures and videos on my phone. Yes. They were like my pictures

[00:10:42] and videos. Yes. They were cute videos of my kid, but it was still a version of, I can't just fucking

[00:10:48] be still. I can't just allow myself to like have nothing to do. I can't just be bored. And don't

[00:10:56] get me wrong. Like, especially before I had a child, like I work really fucking hard, but I can also chill

[00:11:01] really hard. I can be on a couch for an entire 72 hours, like postmating all my food, binging multiple

[00:11:09] different shows and be fucking thriving. Obviously not anymore now that I have a little munchkin

[00:11:14] running around, but like, I never had a problem being bored, if you will. So this was like really

[00:11:22] jarring to me. And I was like, okay, this is clearly a problem. So we're going to, we're going to stay

[00:11:26] off social for a while. Over the last two weeks, I can definitely see how my mental health has improved

[00:11:32] because look, call it naive, calling it, putting your head in the sand. I don't know what the fuck's

[00:11:39] going on with people. Obviously, like I hear from the people in my life, like about important news

[00:11:48] things, but I haven't been engrossed in it and it's been really freeing. It's allowed me to focus on

[00:11:57] what's important in my life. It's allowed me to be in my love place more instead of being in constant

[00:12:04] fear and anxiety. I've seen a big difference. So this is two weeks now I've popped on. I'm sure

[00:12:19] you guys saw to post, I got a tattoo of stone's name while I was up in San Francisco and I got it

[00:12:28] on my dad's anniversary, which I think if I'm doing the math, right, which don't quote me because

[00:12:34] I'm recording this at nine 52 in the morning and I haven't had my coffee yet. I think is his 29 year

[00:12:43] anniversary, which is wild. It's almost three decades. What the fuck? I call it his heavenly

[00:12:50] birthday when he entered heaven, but it just, I don't know, the spirit moved me. It seemed kind of

[00:12:56] cool. I knew I wanted to eventually get stone's name and stone's middle name is Christopher. My dad's

[00:13:02] name was Christopher stone. So stone is his name reversed. And, uh, so I have that now tattooed

[00:13:10] on my arm in this really beautiful little handwritten script. It, it felt like a cool way to

[00:13:20] celebrate my awesome kid that's here. And my dad, who I'm sure is watching over us and partying.

[00:13:28] I don't know if you guys saw in my story, I posted those like orb photos that are so fucking

[00:13:36] obviously orbs. I 100% believe he like came and hung out at the pumpkin patch with us because

[00:13:41] those are wild photos to see those orbs right by stone's head and like stones staring at one of them

[00:13:48] in one of the pictures, like it's fucking bananas anyways. So I have been off of social media. And

[00:13:56] the other thing that prompted this was really like my mental health, not in a, uh, the doom of the

[00:14:05] world type, but like I just, in the beginning of October, like wasn't doing great. My mom was like,

[00:14:13] I've never really seen you like this for this stretch of time. Maybe you need to talk to someone

[00:14:19] about going on antidepressants. Um, and I was like, that seems very extreme, but I definitely,

[00:14:26] when I took a step back and was like looking at everything was not okay. And she was like,

[00:14:31] I think you might have high functioning depression. And so I started like going down this fucking

[00:14:35] Google wormhole and I'm like, Oh, check, check, check, check, check, check, check.

[00:14:41] And it made a lot of sense. I then scheduled a session with my therapist and she kind of like

[00:14:49] assessed where I was at. And she's like, well, like on the scale of one to a hundred, you fall

[00:14:53] at like a 58. Like I wouldn't say you're depressed. I would say you have symptoms of depression. She's

[00:15:00] like, you're also 14 months postpartum. Give yourself some fucking time to regulate. Uh, a lot

[00:15:07] of people don't realize like how long it takes women to get back to a balanced state, um, hormonally,

[00:15:17] emotionally, like all the things after your body goes through something as big as growing a fucking

[00:15:24] human, it takes some time. Uh, and I had also breastfed for 10 months. So when that stopped,

[00:15:31] a bunch of different shifts in my body were happening as well. So I feel like this whole

[00:15:37] journey that I've been on after having stone, I've been trying so hard to keep the control on.

[00:15:47] Like I would have moments last year. And I know that you guys probably remember hearing that episode

[00:15:52] last October where I just got on and like hysterically cried the whole time because so

[00:15:55] much shit was going on in my life. Even then I was like, well, I would be doing really well if I

[00:16:01] hadn't gotten hit with A, B, C, and D for a refresher. My stepdad got diagnosed with like a pretty

[00:16:07] gnarly cancer. My best friend and I had a falling out, which we had never had before,

[00:16:13] which we have since rectified. There was a bunch of financial shit going on. Tay's back went out.

[00:16:18] Like it was, it was a month on top of being like super newly postpartum. But I remember being like,

[00:16:26] I would have been doing really fucking great if all this stuff wouldn't have happened.

[00:16:30] And oddly enough, that was last October. And when all of my, not, I wouldn't say depression

[00:16:37] stuff started this year. But when it kind of like came to the forefront and didn't feel like as

[00:16:46] manageable was this October. I notoriously always have some difficult stuff happening around October.

[00:16:56] That is the month my dad died. It's very subconscious, but inevitably there's always some type of something

[00:17:05] that's going on that I then am like, oh, well, yeah, it's October. Okay. And I think that when I

[00:17:13] step back and look at all of it, I really just wanted to do what I do in every situation, handle it,

[00:17:22] handle it well, kick ass at whatever the task at hand is. And I didn't give myself enough grace

[00:17:32] to not have it all together during one of the biggest shifts in my life. Um, when my life

[00:17:41] really changed overnight, having a baby, not only the life I had known, um, on the surface, but like

[00:17:48] so many things changing in my body and hormonally. And I was still trying to like, keep that control

[00:17:57] and I'll be damned. I don't know if you guys track the through line of my life, but letting go of control

[00:18:03] is like clearly the big fucking lesson. I'm here to learn. Um, we've checked off most of the abandonment stuff,

[00:18:10] but now it's like the control, the control, the control, the control. It always comes back to the control.

[00:18:16] So I had this session with my therapist. She's like, I don't think you need to go on medication

[00:18:25] right now if you don't want to, which by the way, I have talked openly on this show. There is no shame

[00:18:32] in doing that. If you need assistance to get through a period of your life or to feel better

[00:18:40] in your life, there's like a really shitty stigma around that. And there's no shame in wanting,

[00:18:47] needing to do that. Just for me personally, it felt like a little drastic. If I wasn't postpartum

[00:18:56] still, um, it might've been a different decision, but it felt like I needed to give myself a little

[00:19:01] more time to see if it would balance and rectify itself. Getting off social media definitely has

[00:19:09] improved that in the last two weeks and really deciding to just focus on what makes me happy.

[00:19:19] Saying no to things that do not, not overbooking myself, not filling every fucking second of my day

[00:19:27] with stuff and not comparing myself. That was one thing that I remember crying to my mom about,

[00:19:36] crying to my therapist about, crying to Tay about. I look at some people in my life and I'm like,

[00:19:43] they are juggling more than one kid. They are, and this is multiple people in my life that I was

[00:19:54] comparing myself to. They don't have a husband like mine who is super supportive and super involved and

[00:20:03] really doing 50-50 with, with them. They don't have a job that allows them like flexibility and freedom

[00:20:12] to like take breaks and like not be working 24 seven. They don't have a nanny that comes in to

[00:20:20] help a couple of days a week. Like, and so like, why am I struggling more than this person or this

[00:20:29] person? And I remember talking to one of my friends about that and saying that, and she was like, you

[00:20:35] need to shut the fuck up respectfully. Like you can't compare that. It's, it's an individual experience

[00:20:43] and it has nothing to do with the other people and what they're going through. And that was really

[00:20:51] hard for me. It's still hard for me on this podcast. As I sit here right now to say the word nanny,

[00:20:57] nanny because I feel like people are going to judge me for having a nanny. And then I feel the need to

[00:21:04] be like, but she's only here, you know, for like four days a week for like four hours a day in the

[00:21:10] middle of the day. And it's so I can like record a podcast or go grocery shopping or do like all the

[00:21:16] things you need to do. What the fuck, Gabrielle? It's the same shit as fucking daycare. It's the same

[00:21:20] shit as like a grandma coming in and hanging out with your kid. Like, what the fuck do you expect?

[00:21:25] You have to have someone so that you can continue like running a fucking business and living your

[00:21:30] life. Why are you making excuses about that? I don't have an answer for you. I just know that I

[00:21:35] feel judgment around it, which many, many, many people have told me is ridiculous. You're working

[00:21:44] hard so that you can like have money to afford to have someone come in and help you so that you can

[00:21:51] continue working. I don't know what it is. And then I have to start justifying in my brain. I'm

[00:21:56] like, well, it's important that he's building relationships with multiple people. And he loves

[00:22:00] the girl that we hired and they have these great experiences together. And like, he needs that. He

[00:22:05] can't just always be around me. It's wild guys. The, the things we judge ourselves around and the

[00:22:12] things we guilt ourselves into believing isn't is crazy. It's really crazy. So I guess I'm just here

[00:22:27] to word vomit all of this on the podcast today in hopes that someone listening to this is feeling the

[00:22:34] same way. And they're like, Oh shit, Gabrielle feels that way too. I guess I'm like not alone and

[00:22:40] not doing as bad as I thought I was doing. Cause I feel like I have all the help and support

[00:22:44] in the world between my husband and my mom and the people in my life. And I'm still sometimes like

[00:22:53] floundering over here. So if you're listening to this and you're like, yeah, me too. I see you.

[00:22:59] I got you. We're, we're, we're doing it. We're doing it guys. I can't believe I'm about to say this,

[00:23:08] but on the topic of mom guilt, uh, I'm about to go to Tulum for six nights and I am mildly

[00:23:22] internally panicking. Obviously when we went to Portugal, Tay and Stone came with us. That trip

[00:23:28] was fucking amazing. And also damn near killed me because it was so much. And that was before he was

[00:23:35] mobile running around like a little speed racer on crack. Um, so I can't imagine taking a toddler

[00:23:40] and trying to do this trip and be present with like all the amazing FMLers that are coming.

[00:23:46] Um, so Stone and Tay are staying behind and it will be the first time that I've been a away from him for

[00:23:56] more than a 12 hour period. Um, maybe 14 to 16 hours. Uh, the longest I've been away from him is when Alex

[00:24:04] and I went to a hotel, probably three miles away from my house, um, took an Ambien and went to sleep

[00:24:13] for 10 hours, um, uninterrupted. And it was fucking glorious, but I've never been somewhere where I can't

[00:24:19] just be like, Oh shit, there's something he needs me. Like, let me just get in the car and come home.

[00:24:25] I trust Tay completely. I'm that's why Tay is not coming because there's no way in hell I'd be leaving

[00:24:31] him with anybody else. Sorry, mom. So I'm have full faith that they will be fine. It's more about

[00:24:39] me again, being able to let go. I can't tell you guys publicly who the guest going is. Um,

[00:24:48] but if you're on the minis, there was a full season with her and it's very fucking exciting,

[00:24:51] um, that she's joining us. And I'm so stoked to get to go travel with her. And I'm so stoked to get

[00:25:00] to go meet 20 FMLers, um, and have this experience again. It was so surprising to me in Portugal,

[00:25:10] like how moving and fulfilling it was for me to get to meet so many of you and travel with you guys.

[00:25:16] Um, I immediately was like, how many of these trips can we book? Because I, it was like one of

[00:25:24] the highlights of my life to get to go and meet people that have been supported, healed, affected

[00:25:31] by, entertained by the books, the podcasts. Like it just, it was very soul fulfilling for me. So I'm so

[00:25:41] stoked that we get to go do that. We'll keep you posted on if I completely panic leaving my child

[00:25:48] for that long. I hope he fucking remembers me when I get back. Um, there's a whole slew of fears that

[00:25:53] come in with, with that, but we're doing it. And if you are listening to this being like, Oh fuck,

[00:25:59] like I want to go travel with Gabrielle or I want to go have this amazing trip experience,

[00:26:06] a la eat prey FML, um, with other women, uh, who are like-minded and awesome. Uh, you can do that.

[00:26:15] You can come to either Columbia in March, or you can come to Costa Rica with us in April. The Columbia

[00:26:25] trip is three nights, four days, and then you can like stay there and travel on your own after if you

[00:26:31] wish. Um, but it's really good. If you like, can't get a lot of time off, you need to get in and get out.

[00:26:35] Alex Lynn Ward is joining us on that trip, which I'm so fucking excited about. You guys have heard

[00:26:41] her on multiple episodes, um, of FML talk. And then Costa Rica in April is a week long. It's like

[00:26:50] very adventurous, like zip lining all the amazing things that you would imagine from Costa Rica.

[00:26:56] And, uh, uh, Ms. Jess herself from eat, pray, FML, uh, whose real name is Brittany, who you just heard,

[00:27:04] uh, on the rerun of the sex episode, talking about all the inappropriate things that our moms are

[00:27:11] just miserable that we publicized, um, is coming to Costa Rica with us. And it's going to be

[00:27:17] fucking awesome. Columbia is a little more filled. Um, so there's not too many spots available. I think

[00:27:25] there's four or five, um, Costa Rica still has a good amount of spots. So if you want to book either

[00:27:31] of those, if you're like, I need to do something for myself, I need to take a risk. I need, I deserve

[00:27:38] to go have an experience. Um, if you want to meet so many people that will be lifelong friends,

[00:27:44] because all of my fan base has gone through the same shit in some capacity and they will end up

[00:27:50] being your sisters come fucking travel with us, eat, pray vacay. Um, you can go to trovatrip.com

[00:27:57] and just search Gabrielle stone. Both of the trips will come up or shoot me a DM. Um, and I will send

[00:28:03] you the link. I have been popping on social media for quite literally 10 minutes every few days to

[00:28:11] just clear my DMS. So I will see it and get back to you. Um, and I would love to meet you and have you

[00:28:17] and party with you in either Columbia or Costa Rica. All right. It is about that motherfucking time

[00:28:25] on the solo episode. We are going to get into your FML stories. Here we go. Hi there. My name is

[00:28:39] Gabrielle. I'm 29. I'm from the big apple trying to get into the swing of the dating world. Again,

[00:28:44] I was cheated on by my ex-boyfriend who I gave a second chance to. My life was a nonstop rollercoaster

[00:28:50] ride when we met and he was in for it. I was 20. He was 23. We both worked for the same team.

[00:28:57] We hit it off right away. Shortly after we started to date, my dad got diagnosed with stage four cancer,

[00:29:03] which put me in a dark place within nine months of being diagnosed. He passed away. Oh,

[00:29:07] I'm so sorry. Which was the reason our relationship escalated quicker than expected. Fast forward a

[00:29:13] bit. My ex and I found ourselves fostering my five-year-old cousin who needed to be taken out

[00:29:18] of her home. So we were playing the parent role for almost a year. We were also living together

[00:29:22] during COVID working jobs. We hated in October, 2021, we broke up. I kicked him out of our apartment.

[00:29:28] I was at my breaking point. Turn around a year and a half later of being broken up.

[00:29:33] We both land our dream jobs. He's working in major league baseball and I'm traveling the world

[00:29:38] planning corporate events. We both reconnect in a way where I thought the universe was pulling us

[00:29:42] together. Gotta love those times. So I gave it a shot. In the beginning, I was hesitant of getting

[00:29:48] back with him, but shortly after I felt in my heart that this was it. We made an agreement that if we're

[00:29:53] doing this again, that this was for marriage to start a life, a family, et cetera. Things were great.

[00:29:58] I was so happy. I thanked God every day that things were finally working out in my favor.

[00:30:04] His parents treated me as good as mine. My family loved him. We had those conversations about being

[00:30:09] engaged, the type of ring that I wanted. I had my friends thinking that I was getting engaged at any

[00:30:14] moment. Fast forward to more recently. At the end of May, we went on a trip to Miami and had an

[00:30:19] incredible time. Secretly, I thought I was getting engaged. My brother got married the first week of

[00:30:25] June. A few weeks before the wedding, my mom asked me if X can walk her down the aisle of the church

[00:30:31] and then walk her in at the reception. Very bold move, which also had me thinking I was getting

[00:30:36] engaged. However, I'm so glad my gut told her no. Interesting. I told her no because there was no ring

[00:30:43] on my finger. And although we were in each other's lives for almost a decade, it didn't feel right.

[00:30:47] At the end of the day, he was still just my boyfriend, not my husband or fiance. She understood.

[00:30:52] And we had a phenomenal time at the wedding. His parents were there. It couldn't have been a more

[00:30:56] perfect night. Three weeks later, I get a DM on Instagram from a girl asking me if my ex is my

[00:31:02] boyfriend. If ex. Sorry. Okay, we're calling him ex. Asking me if ex is my boyfriend because she slept

[00:31:08] with him a week ago and she felt like he was lying to her about not being in a relationship.

[00:31:14] She then sends me a picture of him leaving her apartment from her doggy camera. Dead.

[00:31:20] Dead. On June 16th at 1am. June 16th was Father's Day, as you understand how painful that day is to

[00:31:30] begin with. Oh, dude. I was so blindsided. I can't even put into words how surprised I was.

[00:31:37] I never looked through his phone. I never cared to. I don't want to be in a relationship like that.

[00:31:42] I always said that if something were to happen, God would find a way to put it in front of me.

[00:31:46] My father with the power of God literally put it in front of me. I was naive and tried to make it work.

[00:31:53] The only people for almost a month that knew were him and his parents because they were the only ones

[00:31:58] I felt comfortable telling because I felt like we could fix this and I was protecting him.

[00:32:03] Needless to say, he was never sorry for what he did. He was sorry for getting caught.

[00:32:08] I have so many angels in heaven, but my dad has been the most powerful one. I know for sure it was him

[00:32:14] sending me that picture of him. As shitty as this feels, I'm grateful that this happened. I know

[00:32:19] how good I am and how karma works. I just want to thank you for taking the time out to read my story.

[00:32:25] You're such an inspiration. Best, Gabby. Look, bitch, from one Gabrielle to another,

[00:32:30] it all happens for a reason. I am so glad it came out the way that it did. I think the fact that it was

[00:32:37] on Father's Day and the history that's there in your life is wild and he should be so cringy and

[00:32:45] ashamed of that. I'm really glad that you have the perspective to look at it like your dad was

[00:32:53] sending you a sign to get out of this before it was any more intertwined than it was. This is a very

[00:33:01] perfect example of this is a shitty end to your beautiful new beginning and I can't wait to see

[00:33:06] what comes from that new beginning. Thank you for sending in that story.

[00:33:11] All right, y'all. I love you. Thank you for being here. Thank you for tuning in. Thank you for allowing

[00:33:18] me the space to figure out what the fuck I am doing in my life and what is going to come next.

[00:33:23] I will say that sitting down to do this solo episode felt better for my soul. So I am still

[00:33:33] leaving it very open-ended about where I'm going to take this show, what I want to do moving forward

[00:33:40] and I will see you guys in a couple weeks when Tay and I have our November episode and we have some

[00:33:49] really good guest episodes coming up for you that I've been waiting to release. So this is going to

[00:33:55] be a good month of content. I love you. I will see you next week. Cheers. All right, FMLers. If you

[00:34:05] don't want to miss an episode, make sure to follow on your favorite podcast app. And if you're loving

[00:34:10] the show, drop us a five-star rating and leave a review. You can keep up with me on Instagram at

[00:34:16] Gabrielle Stone or the podcast page at FML Talk Podcast. For all the merch and books signed

[00:34:22] personally by me, you can shop the FML line on eatpreyfml.com. And as always, have a fucking

[00:34:30] self-love cocktail on me. Cheers. This podcast has been brought to you by Podcast Nation.