Confessions of a Chronic F%cking People Pleaser with Erin Diehl

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[00:01:05] Hello, hello, all of my beautiful freaking people. Welcome back to another episode of FML Talk. Today we are diving into self-love, healing journeys, people-pleasing, all of the good stuff. So sit back, grab a cocktail and welcome to FML Talk.

[00:01:22] Oh my God. Wait, how old was the other girl? 19, can you believe that? Hey, this is Gabrielle Stone.

[00:01:27] Good book.

[00:01:29] True.

[00:01:30] He did what?

[00:01:31] 48 hours?

[00:01:32] What a dick.

[00:01:32] Yeah, but have you seen all the photos on our Instagram?

[00:01:35] And this is FML Talk.

[00:01:38] Oh no, she didn't.

[00:01:39] All right, y'all. My guest today is Erin Deal. She has gone through being a people pleaser, coming out the other end, having it be so bad that she dealt with chronic pain that was a physical manifestation of that need to people please, which I can fucking relate to.

[00:01:58] The struggle she went to have her son and bring her son into this world and how he became her miracle child. It is a crazy story. And the amazing book she wrote, I See You, that has really reached people and touched them in a very beautiful way. So let's get into some self motherfucking love today. Here we go.

[00:02:24] Erin Deal, welcome to FML Talk. How are you?

[00:02:29] Oh, I'm so excited to be here. I am ready. I am ready for this. I feel like I love how real and raw you are with your audience. So let's do it.

[00:02:42] Thank you. Let's dive the fuck in. They're going to love you.

[00:02:45] Let's dive the fuck in.

[00:02:45] Let's do it. I love this so much because let me just say this for free. I don't usually swear on my show and I've talked about it. I'm like, why don't I? Because I swear in real life. So let's fucking go.

[00:02:56] Let's fucking go. People come on this show and they're like, am I allowed to curse? I'm like, it's literally called FML Talk. Please allow yourself to say as many F-bombs as you can and people will like start a drinking game to it at home. It's great. I love it.

[00:03:08] Yes. Yes. Cheers. Cheers. Water, but I wish it was vodka. I love you already. Okay. So for the people that are listening, can you just give me a little bit of like the cliff note backstory on how it is you came to write the book that we're about to talk about and like do all the awesome things that you're doing in life?

[00:03:28] Yes. Okay. So this part, I wish it was fun. It's like real, you know, it's a real healing journey because I went through years, basically five years of what I call the three P's. I was pivoting. When it really crashed was March. The year was 2020 where I'm sure most people felt like, okay, what's happening with my life? But at this point I was living these three P's. I was pivoting my business.

[00:03:56] I operate and own and run a completely in-person, completely face-to-face, completely human to human company. And we had to pivot completely virtual overnight in order to survive. At the same time, I was trying to, well, I wasn't even aware that I had this lifelong pattern of people pleasing, which is my second P, which I was a new mom. I know you're a mom as well.

[00:04:22] To a miracle, baby boy, like straight up miracle. So I was navigating literally six months postpartum. I was also people pleasing, not only my new family, but my mother had just had a stroke and was recovering.

[00:04:38] I was trying to help her, help my dad, help my team, help my business, help my clients. All of this led to the third P, which is pain. And it wasn't like, ouch, I stopped my toe type pain. It was chronic pain that sat in my back and shoulders for years and made me cry myself to sleep at night.

[00:05:00] And so it wasn't until I sought out healers, energy healers, intuitive healers, and then found a book called When the Body Says No by author Gabor Mate.

[00:05:12] And it just cracked me wide open. And I realized that I had all of these years of unprocessed emotions stored in my body, which was causing the physical pain.

[00:05:27] Yep. So I went out on this healing journey. And through that, I mean, there were some beautiful days and there were really, really dark days.

[00:05:36] And I continued my meditation practice, my mindfulness practice. But through that healing work and through meditation, I had a loved one who took their own life, come into one of my own meditations and said to me, I was you. I am you. You have healed yourself.

[00:06:01] This was after I sort of got through most of the work. I want you to write a book. The time is now. I will help write through you. And collectively, we will do this. And when I tell you that this book, I know you also wrote a book.

[00:06:18] It freaking poured out of me. Yeah.

[00:06:22] It was like a universal download. Yeah.

[00:06:26] And the book is really meant for people who are giving to everyone in their life except themselves, for the people who have been that recovering people pleaser or are a people pleaser for the busy, stressed out parent, leader, mom, whoever it might be that sees other people but doesn't really see themselves.

[00:06:49] Yeah.

[00:06:50] And so we flip that.

[00:06:53] And it was truly like it was a download.

[00:06:56] Yeah.

[00:06:56] I resonate with that a lot. I feel like when I mean, although it's like a very different experience at the first book that I wrote, I wrote in three months, which is like wildly fast.

[00:07:06] And it was it was really felt like it was being channeled through me. So I really resonate with that.

[00:07:12] I want to talk about the people pleasing aspect. I feel like I just got called out. I was like me. That's me.

[00:07:21] And I have been working on it as it comes up in my life. Sometimes I have that Scorpio energy come forward. That's like, fuck you and the horse you rode in on like you're not going to like disrespect me like that.

[00:07:34] And then at the same time, but wait, like, let me explain why I'm not in the wrong so that like you don't view me in that way, which comes from a people pleasing point. So can you talk to me a little bit about what your experience was with how you were people pleasing and how you recognized it to then start to change it?

[00:07:52] Oh, yeah. And I mean, honestly, when I do talks with audiences, I'll be like, who here is the people pleaser or recovering people pleaser? It's like the entire audience. If it's women, everyone's hand is up, you know?

[00:08:03] And so, yeah, for me, it was this emotion that I wasn't sure of. I wasn't clear up. And when I started digging, because when I say I had a miracle baby boy, I mean, I went through years of science experiments to conceive him.

[00:08:22] We had a genetic disorder, my husband and I, that was hearing loss and deafness that we had.

[00:08:29] Absolutely no clue that this was a part of our genes or genetic makeup. We had to do a lot of work to have this child. And what I really understood when I started actually thinking and writing about what I was feeling was that I was just pissed.

[00:08:51] Mm-hmm.

[00:09:15] And disassociating myself into work. And that meant people pleasing to a fault, my team, I wanted them to like me. I wasn't like the leader I wanted to be led by. I was making sure what I was doing was making sure they liked me.

[00:09:32] It meant that when I showed up to events, I was serving from a different place versus a place of service. It was a place of like me first and then hopefully you'll learn something.

[00:09:43] Right, right.

[00:10:13] The real vulnerable part of me.

[00:10:17] The real vulnerable part of me, authentic part that could help people but chose to stuff that part down and use comedy, which is what I do, as a way to disassociate from it.

[00:10:28] Right.

[00:10:29] So it was really having underlying emotions of anger and using people pleasing as the tool to disassociate from it.

[00:10:37] Yeah, that makes a lot of sense. Do you think you had the people pleasing? I was going to say gene. I don't think it's really a gene. The people pleasing like need as a child, like did that start in your earlier years?

[00:10:49] Yeah, for sure. I moved a lot growing up. I think, you know, why people do comedy is we enjoy watching people laugh, right? Like we get joy from watching that laughter. And so for me, yeah.

[00:11:04] I mean, I was like, how can I get the best laugh? I was voted class clown in high school. Even I went to four different schools growing up in four different cities. Like as I went through, you know, K through 12. And every time I went to a new school, my go to was like me because I'm going to make you laugh.

[00:11:23] And if I make you laugh, you're going to like me. And it was self-serving. It wasn't really the opposite of I'm bringing joy to somebody else's life. It felt disassociated. So yeah, it started a long time ago, but it reared its ugly head in March of 2020.

[00:11:41] When I realized that I had harbored all this and that it had literally disease is dis-ease.

[00:11:49] I literally, that's so crazy. I was about to say that whenever you like finished your thought, I was going to be like, well, yeah, 100%.

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[00:14:53] That mind-body connection, I never understood.

[00:14:56] I'm 41.

[00:14:56] I was 38 when I had this epiphany.

[00:15:00] I legit just had never thought of it like that.

[00:15:05] I'm like, I'm sick because I got a germ.

[00:15:07] No, I'm sick because I ran my body in the ground, disassociating myself from the actual feelings that I have by overworking.

[00:15:14] And then maybe I stayed up too late and drank a dirty martini while watching a horrible reality show to even numb out even more, you know?

[00:15:21] Relatable.

[00:15:22] Relatable.

[00:15:23] And so it's just like all of those things.

[00:15:27] I mean, and I will say this, like the body tries to give you whispers.

[00:15:31] And if you don't listen to those whispers, it will start talking and then it'll start screaming.

[00:15:38] And so I was not listening until it screamed.

[00:15:41] And I screamed for a long time.

[00:15:43] Yeah, my husband last year had these like horrific back spasms that like literally paralyzed him in bed.

[00:15:51] Like we were like getting him to urgent care.

[00:15:54] One night I had to call an ambulance and nothing happened.

[00:15:58] Like everybody kept asking like, well, what caused it?

[00:16:00] Like, what did you do?

[00:16:01] Did you lift something?

[00:16:02] Did you turn the wrong way?

[00:16:03] And literally the answer to it was we had a lot of stress happen in one month.

[00:16:09] He had a lot of grief with a family member.

[00:16:13] And all of that combined, like the stress, the grief, all of it like manifested in his body.

[00:16:18] Like that was what the answer was.

[00:16:20] And I so often think people don't realize how our body stores trauma.

[00:16:26] My aunt a long, long, long time ago never felt like she was safe to cry.

[00:16:32] So she would always hold in her cries and like not allow herself to let out those emotions.

[00:16:37] And she developed a hole in her throat because like it was so badly trying to get out.

[00:16:45] Like it's such a real thing when you're feeling like I deal with like, oh, my back sore and it's hurting.

[00:16:52] And people are like, oh, well, you're lifting a 22 pound baby.

[00:16:55] And I'm like, yes.

[00:16:56] And like, I'm really stressed.

[00:16:58] And when you feel like you're holding a boulder of the world on your shoulders,

[00:17:02] like where do you think that's going to show up?

[00:17:03] Amen.

[00:17:04] Amen.

[00:17:05] And that so I love that because if you Google the spiritual meaning of any physical symptom,

[00:17:12] literally you can Google it.

[00:17:13] It will almost always be the exact thing that is happening in your life.

[00:17:20] And my pain was right pain on my right lat.

[00:17:22] Like it was like my whole lat shoulder, literally from the top of my shoulder down was like so tight.

[00:17:30] I thought about it in every conversation that was in the back of my mind.

[00:17:33] And when you think like what you said about your shoulder, you're carrying things, you lift things with your shoulders.

[00:17:40] And of course, I was carrying the weight of everyone in my life.

[00:17:45] And I was literally being weighed down with their problems.

[00:17:49] And that makes just total sense.

[00:17:52] I have a friend who has shingles.

[00:17:54] If you Google this and she's 42.

[00:17:57] When we looked up the spiritual meaning of shingles, it was talking about an obstacle that you have to face that you don't want to face.

[00:18:05] And I was like, because she's going through a relationship change.

[00:18:11] And we were just blown away.

[00:18:13] It's truly, it's this mind-body connection.

[00:18:16] And when you actually listen to your emotions, when you sit and try to process what you're going through,

[00:18:23] and it's not going to, it's not like a steak.

[00:18:26] You can't marinate on this overnight.

[00:18:27] It's got to take weeks and months and maybe even years to download it and to understand it.

[00:18:33] But when you start the process, it's like an onion.

[00:18:37] Okay.

[00:18:37] I just thought it has like a lot of layers and it has a lot of, it has a lot of different things.

[00:18:43] And what I even think about my own journey going through this is, I call it like the Marie Kondo method for your mind.

[00:18:51] Yeah.

[00:18:51] So if you've ever seen that show with Marie Kondo, she's going in people's homes.

[00:18:55] She's going in different rooms, taking out what doesn't serve them and spark them joy, telling it thank you and reorganizing.

[00:19:01] And I felt like all these different categories of my life were these different rooms where I had not processed anything.

[00:19:09] I had just gone from thing to thing to thing and I had to go in and reorganize and put it back together.

[00:19:17] Yeah.

[00:19:17] And it feels like overwhelming and a lot, but it's like focusing on one thing at a time, sifting through all those things, putting them back in their place, putting them back in order, getting rid of them.

[00:19:28] And then it becomes a lot more manageable to walk through those rooms.

[00:19:31] God.

[00:19:32] Yeah.

[00:19:32] That's it.

[00:19:34] And, you know, a lot of people don't ever have that epiphany.

[00:19:37] I could have gone my entire life without it.

[00:19:41] So when the pain starts, that's when the mind needs to listen.

[00:19:45] Yeah.

[00:19:45] So talk to me about your miracle baby.

[00:19:48] How old, like when did you finally become a mom in that sense?

[00:19:52] So, okay.

[00:19:53] So he's five now.

[00:19:55] His name's Jackson.

[00:19:56] And I was, you know, around my early thirties.

[00:20:00] I've been with my husband 15 years.

[00:20:01] Okay.

[00:20:02] I wanted to start a business.

[00:20:04] I knew that that was the goal.

[00:20:06] And I didn't want to be a mom.

[00:20:08] Like I was never like, oh, I want to be a mom.

[00:20:10] I wanted a business first.

[00:20:12] Cause I knew I wanted, this would have been the greatest regret of my life, not doing it.

[00:20:16] So we started trying when I was 33 and we tried.

[00:20:20] It took about a year and a half.

[00:20:22] Nothing happened.

[00:20:23] It's always funny to say you tried.

[00:20:25] I was just having a look, you know, we were doing it a lot.

[00:20:27] We were just fucking all the time.

[00:20:29] All the time.

[00:20:30] Yeah.

[00:20:30] Yeah.

[00:20:30] And so we finally went to the doctor and he, uh, he had to get checked out and I had

[00:20:36] to get checked out.

[00:20:37] And we found out, you know, through that process, they were like, do you want to do a genetic

[00:20:40] screening?

[00:20:41] And I said, sure, just throw it in with the other bag of tricks that that's happening over

[00:20:46] here.

[00:20:46] Well, it came back that I had the genetic mutation, GJB2, which is hearing loss and deafness.

[00:20:52] So it's not like your baby will have gradual hearing loss.

[00:20:55] It will be literally, they will be born deaf.

[00:20:58] And is that, that's just if your partner has that same gene, right?

[00:21:02] Yeah.

[00:21:03] So, okay.

[00:21:04] Fast forward.

[00:21:05] They did his genetic test.

[00:21:07] Not only did I marry the one in one million bajillion chance off person who carried the

[00:21:13] same gene on one chromosome, he had a mutation of it on the other.

[00:21:17] Oh, wow.

[00:21:18] So we ended up going through IVF.

[00:21:22] And on top of this, like I was in my middle, you know, mid thirties at the time, I wasn't

[00:21:28] producing a lot of eggs.

[00:21:30] So we ended up having seven embryos after two rounds.

[00:21:34] We tested all of them.

[00:21:36] All of them came back with his mutation and my mutation, except this one, which is my mutation

[00:21:44] and John's genetic variable.

[00:21:46] Okay.

[00:21:47] So the lab was like, don't implant any of these.

[00:21:50] Very risky.

[00:21:51] So I kept looking at this one that was John's variable and my mutation.

[00:21:55] And I said, well, that's John's genetic makeup.

[00:21:58] Let's try this.

[00:21:59] Went through a whole medicated protocol to do a transfer.

[00:22:03] The doctor I was working at the time pulled the plug two days before the transfer after

[00:22:09] I'd been on this medication because he did not want to get sued.

[00:22:13] So then I lived in Chicago at the time.

[00:22:15] I went to seven different doctors in Chicago.

[00:22:18] And anytime I said mutation, they wouldn't talk to me.

[00:22:21] Wow.

[00:22:21] I ended up finding this woman who was the former medical director of the practice that I left.

[00:22:30] She left to start her own medical practice and all female practice to serve patients and have customer care first and highest priority.

[00:22:40] She said, come to my office.

[00:22:42] I'll listen.

[00:22:43] Listened.

[00:22:44] Said, sign this waiver.

[00:22:46] Implanted.

[00:22:47] That is my son.

[00:22:48] He's five.

[00:22:49] He can hear perfectly.

[00:22:51] He's like two verbal.

[00:22:53] He talks all the time.

[00:22:54] And it's just like, wow.

[00:22:57] It's a walking miracle.

[00:22:59] And so, yeah.

[00:23:00] And through that too, we also did, I called it my fuck you round to my doctor where we did another round of embryos before I found this doctor who gave us Jackson and said, we're not testing anything.

[00:23:12] Just put, you know, put in an embryo, put in what I tell you.

[00:23:15] Yeah.

[00:23:15] And we did and it didn't take.

[00:23:17] And so, wow.

[00:23:19] It's like really like meant to be that path.

[00:23:23] Yeah.

[00:23:24] It was wild.

[00:23:25] That's amazing.

[00:23:26] Wild.

[00:23:27] Yeah.

[00:23:27] That's amazing.

[00:23:28] My mom has a similar story.

[00:23:29] She was 40 when she got pregnant with me.

[00:23:31] And this was like back in the 80s when like it wasn't like normal to have a child at 40s.

[00:23:37] And every doctor for the six years they were trying was like, you're not going to get pregnant.

[00:23:41] You have one of the biggest fibroid tumors on record.

[00:23:43] Like it's just not going to happen.

[00:23:44] It's not in the cards.

[00:23:45] And she's like, okay, thank you.

[00:23:47] God and I have a different plan.

[00:23:48] And six years later, she got pregnant and they were like, well, you're high risk.

[00:23:53] Like even if you do carry to term, like there's no guarantees and that was the healthiest baby

[00:23:57] born that year.

[00:23:58] And she was like, okay, thank you for your concern.

[00:24:01] Yeah.

[00:24:01] Thank you.

[00:24:02] Next.

[00:24:02] Okay.

[00:24:03] Hell yeah.

[00:24:03] And that's, that's what pissed me off so much was like, this was my body.

[00:24:07] And I was telling this doctor before, you know, we saw their implant him to implant him.

[00:24:11] And I'm so proud your mom didn't listen.

[00:24:14] And she trusted her own intuition.

[00:24:17] Cause look at you now.

[00:24:18] You know, I feel like the kids come when they're meant to.

[00:24:22] And yes, I really feel like there's lessons and journeys throughout all of it, but that's,

[00:24:27] that's amazing.

[00:24:27] That's a wild story.

[00:24:29] And I'm so glad to hear that it, you know, you stuck to your guns and it came out the way

[00:24:33] that it did.

[00:24:41] Let's talk about this book.

[00:24:42] So you got the download, you wrote the book.

[00:24:45] What like, give me the overview of what people get from it.

[00:24:49] Yes.

[00:24:49] So it's broken down into three parts.

[00:24:52] The first part is all about self-love.

[00:24:55] So I also teach improv comedy.

[00:24:57] That's what I do in a corporate setting.

[00:24:59] The company I run Improve It uses improv to help people be their highest selves through play.

[00:25:05] Oh, fun.

[00:25:05] Yeah.

[00:25:06] Every chapter ends with an activity you can do by yourself or with your team that infuses

[00:25:12] some form of play to help lead you back to yourself.

[00:25:16] So that's part one is all about, it's basically give to yourself before you give to others.

[00:25:22] Because part two is all about selfless leadership.

[00:25:25] If you can give to yourself first, you have so much more love to give to the people in your

[00:25:30] life.

[00:25:30] And when I say leader, it's not like at an organization, you could be a leader of a family.

[00:25:35] You could be a leader of a community.

[00:25:37] You could be a leader of an association, whatever it is.

[00:25:41] The more you fill your own cup, the more you have to give to others.

[00:25:45] And then part three, if you can do it, you're going to magnetize the people, organizations,

[00:25:51] the job, whatever of your dreams, because you're vibrating from that higher place.

[00:25:57] Yeah.

[00:25:58] And people are attracted to that.

[00:26:00] Definitely.

[00:26:00] And that's really, I mean, I will say, I think it uses some comedic elements through

[00:26:07] it to make it fun.

[00:26:08] You have to, man.

[00:26:10] Yes.

[00:26:11] Yes.

[00:26:12] And I do say, I will say like, when I got that download and I love that, I want to hear

[00:26:16] about your download.

[00:26:17] Yes.

[00:26:18] Yes, Gabrielle.

[00:26:20] Because I've talked to one of my friends.

[00:26:22] She's actually a storyteller.

[00:26:24] She teaches storytelling for a living.

[00:26:25] She's like, that's every writer's dream.

[00:26:27] And I truly never planned this.

[00:26:31] I never said, oh, I'm going to, it just freaking happened.

[00:26:35] Yep.

[00:26:36] Is that what yours was like?

[00:26:37] Oh, yeah.

[00:26:38] I, yeah.

[00:26:39] I mean, I could bullshit the hell out of an English essay, but like, I was not a quote

[00:26:43] writer.

[00:26:43] Yeah.

[00:26:44] And yeah, it was just like, oh, this is happening to me in my life.

[00:26:49] And now I'm going to write about it.

[00:26:50] And it just poured out and it was like therapy.

[00:26:52] And then it's become so many other people's therapy.

[00:26:54] I'm curious because there's a lot of elements in my book where we talk and on the show where

[00:26:58] we talk about self-love.

[00:26:59] What's your definition of self-love?

[00:27:02] Yeah.

[00:27:03] For me, it's like, okay, it's unequivocal to, you know, going and getting a massage.

[00:27:09] Yeah.

[00:27:09] That's great.

[00:27:10] You can do those things.

[00:27:12] This is kind of psychological, but it's almost like recognizing what you did when you were

[00:27:18] eight years old that fueled your soul, that gave you life and then going out and doing

[00:27:25] that.

[00:27:26] Yeah.

[00:27:26] And so that, and there's like a whole little thing in the book.

[00:27:29] I call it an LSD day.

[00:27:30] It's not a drug.

[00:27:31] Spoiler alert.

[00:27:32] So it's basically like when you feel your candle, your light burning before you get to

[00:27:39] what I call that low wick, you want to give yourself big wick energy and go out and do

[00:27:47] something to refuel that flame and prevent it.

[00:27:50] Like scheduling days in your calendar to give to yourself.

[00:27:56] And it's not, so actually now my team and I used to do these LSD days.

[00:28:01] The rule was you had to take one a month.

[00:28:03] We've actually gone to a four day work week and I'm going to tell you why.

[00:28:06] And I have small, like a small internal team.

[00:28:09] I have, I have a lot of facilitators, but it was almost as if, and I know you can relate

[00:28:14] to this.

[00:28:14] I'm working Monday through Friday.

[00:28:17] I'm working mom errand.

[00:28:18] Then Saturday and Sunday, I'm mom.

[00:28:21] There's no errand day.

[00:28:22] There's not a single just errand day.

[00:28:25] Yeah.

[00:28:25] So having Friday now is the day for me where I can, if I need to run errands, catch up on

[00:28:33] my own life, schedule something that I'll go fricking thrift shopping or roam the shelves

[00:28:39] of home goods.

[00:28:40] I'm giving myself this time to just be me.

[00:28:45] And I never realized how much I needed that until I realized this epiphany of, you know,

[00:28:52] as I went through this journey of writing the book.

[00:28:54] Yeah.

[00:28:55] And I think there's a lot of mom guilt that comes with that of like, well, if my kid is

[00:29:00] with grandma or with dad or with a nanny for this chunk of time, like I better be like making

[00:29:06] it worth it and getting all this shit done and doing all this stuff.

[00:29:08] And like, it's like, when is it okay to just like lay down and watch a TV show and recharge

[00:29:13] or like take a nap or like just do nothing.

[00:29:18] That's what I have been coming up against lately.

[00:29:21] And I've had to really like shift my perspective and be like, you know what?

[00:29:25] My, like my kid needs other people's energies.

[00:29:28] He needs to feel comfortable and confident and have fun with other people than just mom

[00:29:32] and just dad.

[00:29:33] Yeah.

[00:29:34] Yeah.

[00:29:34] It's healthy.

[00:29:34] And both of his parents work and are like chasing their dreams.

[00:29:38] And that's going to be a really big thing to show him one day.

[00:29:42] So it's like all of these things that like I had to rewrite the narrative because the maternal

[00:29:46] instinct of that, like guilt and that like, wait, this isn't like, that's very real.

[00:29:51] And like, I so acknowledge that, but it's like, I'm never going to be the mom who is at home

[00:30:00] 24 seven on all the time with my kids.

[00:30:03] The people that do that are fucking superheroes.

[00:30:06] I've done it obviously multiple times in the last nine months.

[00:30:10] And I can tell you on those days, I'm like, is it five o'clock yet?

[00:30:14] Pour me a glass of wine.

[00:30:16] Holy fucking shit.

[00:30:16] I need to just go poop by myself.

[00:30:19] It's like, I have such respect for any parent that is a, you know, single at home parent

[00:30:28] with like a partner that works nine to five.

[00:30:30] Like it's gnarly.

[00:30:32] Oh my God.

[00:30:33] Two of my best friends are stay at home parents.

[00:30:36] And literally, you know, it's, we talk about this all the time, the dichotomy.

[00:30:40] I'm feeling guilty because I'm working.

[00:30:42] They're feeling like they're missing out because they're not working, but they're loving this

[00:30:46] time with their kid.

[00:30:47] And it's like, I, again, same thing.

[00:30:50] The days that I spend at home and my husband travels a lot, the days, if I'm here on a weekend

[00:30:55] and I've got two back-to-back days, just me parenting, I am fucking exhausted.

[00:31:00] Yeah.

[00:31:01] It is the hardest job in the world.

[00:31:04] It's way more exhausting than going to work.

[00:31:06] I agree.

[00:31:07] My husband and I were talking about it the other day and we were like, you know, sometimes

[00:31:11] like going to do the errands or going to do like whatever work meetings we have, like

[00:31:17] that feels like a break.

[00:31:20] So like he'll come home.

[00:31:21] Like if he has like a work situation one day, he'll come home from that and he'll be like,

[00:31:25] okay, hi, I'm here.

[00:31:26] And it's like, I know he's been working all day, but he knows like, it's a lot of mental,

[00:31:32] it's weird.

[00:31:33] But then at the same time, the second you put them to bed there, you're like, oh my God,

[00:31:36] can you wake up and play with me?

[00:31:37] I miss you.

[00:31:37] You're so cute.

[00:31:38] It's really fucked up what we deal with.

[00:31:40] It's so fucked up.

[00:31:40] Well, and then they go to bed and exactly.

[00:31:42] And you're like, oh my God, yes.

[00:31:43] And you sit on the couch and I find myself like picking up my phone and like looking at

[00:31:47] pictures of him and I'm like, what am I doing?

[00:31:50] Yeah.

[00:31:50] What am I doing?

[00:31:51] And I do the same.

[00:31:52] John and I go out to dinner.

[00:31:53] We're like, Jackson did blah, blah, blah.

[00:31:55] We're like, okay.

[00:31:56] You know, and it's because we love them and they're extensions of us.

[00:31:59] I also was thinking when you said naps, okay, this resonated with me because I used to think

[00:32:05] of naps.

[00:32:06] I think I used to think people who napped, I'm going to say this, were lazy.

[00:32:11] And I have truly, I resisted rest probably this entire time that I was going through this

[00:32:17] healing journey.

[00:32:17] The past two years I have embraced napping and I have tried really hard.

[00:32:24] Even this, this Friday situation, I try not to overschedule or over errand myself because

[00:32:29] my son is in school.

[00:32:31] I try to literally like for me, it's harder for me to do nothing.

[00:32:37] And so it's like, if I nap, I like, I'm so freaking proud.

[00:32:41] I like tell everybody I freaking took a nap.

[00:32:43] I'm like, I took a nap today, you know?

[00:32:45] And it's so stupid because I shouldn't be wired that way.

[00:32:49] But it feels unproductive.

[00:32:50] And I feel so many people are.

[00:32:52] Yeah.

[00:32:53] And it's very valid.

[00:32:54] So I'm glad you said it.

[00:32:55] And I think everybody should be able to take more naps.

[00:32:58] There's just not enough fucking hours in the day sometimes.

[00:33:00] Like Tay and I, every morning we wake up, we're like, is it seven o'clock yet?

[00:33:04] Oh yeah.

[00:33:05] Naps 2024.

[00:33:07] That's the new hashtag.

[00:33:08] We're coming out.

[00:33:08] Yes.

[00:33:09] I love it.

[00:33:10] Naps 2024.

[00:33:11] Erin, this has been so great.

[00:33:12] I'm so inspired by this journey that you've taken and how you've been able to help so

[00:33:18] many others.

[00:33:19] The book is doing so very well.

[00:33:20] It's called I See You.

[00:33:21] Can you just tell everybody where they can find you on social media, where they can get

[00:33:25] the book and all of the things?

[00:33:27] Yeah.

[00:33:27] Thank you so much.

[00:33:28] And you can go to my website.

[00:33:30] It's erindeal.com.

[00:33:31] You can see all the places the book lives, any major retailer.

[00:33:35] And find all the things.

[00:33:37] My social media, I try to, you know, keep it real, but also have fun.

[00:33:41] And just showcase a lot of the authentic things that happen in motherhood, but also give you

[00:33:48] some tips too, that I've found helpful.

[00:33:50] And that's at It's Erin Deal on Instagram too.

[00:33:53] But I've loved getting to know you too.

[00:33:56] I'm so inspired by your work and what you do for your community and how you've shown up.

[00:34:01] So keep going.

[00:34:02] Erin.

[00:34:02] Thanks, girl.

[00:34:03] Gabrielle.

[00:34:04] I see you.

[00:34:06] Nice little sneak in the book title in there.

[00:34:08] I love it.

[00:34:09] Erin, thank you for being here.

[00:34:11] It was really great to chat with you.

[00:34:12] Thank you.

[00:34:17] I want to thank Erin so much for coming on today and sharing all of that goodness with us.

[00:34:22] I hope that you guys resonated with today's episode and really got some good stuff out of it.

[00:34:29] Please go check out her book, I See You, and give her a follow on Instagram to get a little

[00:34:35] bit of comedy in your life.

[00:34:37] I love you all.

[00:34:38] I will see you next week.

[00:34:39] Cheers.

[00:34:42] All right, FMLers.

[00:34:44] If you don't want to miss an episode, make sure to follow on your favorite podcast app.

[00:34:48] And if you're loving the show, drop us a five-star rating and leave a review.

[00:34:53] You can keep up with me on Instagram at Gabrielle Stone or the podcast page at FML Talk Podcast.

[00:34:59] For all the merch and books signed personally by me, you can shop the FML line on eatprayfml.com.

[00:35:07] And as always, have a fucking self-love cocktail on me.

[00:35:12] Cheers.

[00:35:19] This podcast has been brought to you by Podcast Nation.