Episode 287 - Deep Water Rage

[00:00:04] It's time to feel the rage! Welcome to Film Rage where we talk movies and theaters, streaming and classic films as well. Directors and actors beware as you cannot hide from the rage. My name is Bryson, I'm part of the Film Rage crew which also includes Jim. Hey Bryson! Hey Jim! Also we have the Merman who's giggling away. What's going on? What's so funny over there, Wimmer?

[00:00:34] You two just amused me. Oh fair enough. I hope that the listeners are equally amused. So with the introductions out of the way, let's rage on! Well, thanks to all been supporting us. If you love our independent podcast, please like, subscribe, share and give us five star rating on your listening platform or support the Film Rage community by joining your membership at

[00:00:57] BuyMeACoffee.com forward slash FilmRageYYC. If you cannot commit to a membership, you can still buy us a movie rental and dare us to see a terrible film. And we'll watch it! Play it anywhere in the world in a cinema. We might even watch two. Yeah, yeah we'd even watch two! Or three. Or four! Depending on how you look at what we're talking about. There you go. Alright, well let's get to raging!

[00:01:30] What the amazing moment predict? What the amazing moment predict? Who predict? Pedro will he predict the mondo? Will you tell us all what you remember I saw at the movies? Movies? Who's got a small kids better watch yourself! Cause Merman is swimming to you and not with monkeys! Swimmery, swimmery, swimmery, swimmery, monkey friend. Swimmery, swimmery, swimmery, swimmery, swimmery swim!

[00:01:58] Swim all the way to our non-monkey hearts hearts. Non-monkey hearts baby. No monkeys this week! There's no monkeys! Jumping on the bed! How did we do it? I don't even know how we do a podcast without doing a review of some sort of monkey movie. I know! It's like I'm missing a monkey! We'll see! We'll see if this even flies! This might just blow up! I don't know! You know, it's been so long! Well, it's one of those weeks! Uh, cause you know what?

[00:02:27] I saw the same movies you guys did! What?! Well, you didn't have to watch two of them! That's right! What do you mean? Oh no! In theaters you were! I meant in theaters! I don't care about that! Yeah, you saw all three of our movies! I've also seen Catwoman! I have not seen House of the Dead! I thought I saw Catwoman, but I might have blocked it out of my head! I've seen it a few times! Cause of Halle Berry! That was not the movie I remembered! Hey hey hey! Yeah, yeah! We'll get to it! Okay!

[00:02:55] So we saw My Dead Friend Zoe! We did! Which was actually at SIF last year, which all of us missed! I did not even know that! All of us missed! Yeah! Who knows everything! What a shame! What a shame that we missed that! I was supposed to go see it, but I ended up not going! Yeah, what did we think of that Murr? Yeah! You're... I don't know if you're gonna love this or not! Um, I've got a double rage! Going double rage! Double rage! Based on the comments!

[00:03:24] Wait, are you gonna predict yourself too? Uh, yes! I am! Uh, yeah! Dead Friend Zoe about, you know, somebody who hasn't... basically haunted by her... Her... Yeah, yeah! Save it for the review! Dead friend! Names up! Uh, next up, last breath! The Diver movie! Diver! With the Woody Harrelson! Diver! The Diver! And... And the Shang-Chi! The Shang-Chi! Uh, again!

[00:03:53] I don't know if you're gonna like this or not! Double rage! Double rage! Huh! Wait, you know, here's the thing! This isn't boding well for this week! It's not a like or dislike for us! We're happy however you predict! Yeah! Yeah! And then of course we had the special cuff screening we went to a week ago! Yes! Uh, which, uh, judging by your guys' comments and opinions and discussion, I'm gonna go double Mondo! Double Mondo! Alright! Hmm! I know Bryce was actually pretty quiet!

[00:04:23] Yeah, I didn't! After him before the movie! Kim said a lot more! Yeah, I didn't say a whole lot about it! I would, uh... Although, dude, he does like dolls on hands! Who doesn't like creepy dolls? I love my dolls! You must believe me! They cannot... Oh, I can't remember the words to the song! But it... They really love me! They really love me! I love my dolls! They'll never leave me happily! That's an, like an East Freely song of his Freely's Comet album!

[00:04:53] It's just, the people that come to listen to the movies get so much more content from us! They do! If they're not hearing about football... They just wanna hear you sing obscure songs! I really like that song! It's just, it's bizarre, but I like it! Yeah, now I might need to listen to it! Yeah, it's different! Cause I don't normally like East Freely, so... It is a different sort of East Freely song! Let me tell you that right up front! Not what you'd expect from the man! It's kinda like the spin-off of... It's kinda synthesizer based too, which he does not do! It's weird!

[00:05:23] Yeah, it sounds really weird! It's very strange! Anyways... I digress! Oh, are we doing this? Yeah! We're gonna talk about... I don't know, somebody's story! No, it's still my friend! It's about a veteran that was stationed in Afghanistan, who is now in America Land, where she is haunted by a friend that she... lost!

[00:05:47] It is basically a buddy comedy about PTSD, where one of the buddies only exists in the other's mind! Ugh... The movie says it is inspired by a true story. Apparently, the writer and director served in the army, and had two friends commit suicide when they came home from duty. Perhaps a doc would've served this subject better.

[00:06:14] As it stands, this was not funny, and not effective in any way. The most effective thing in the whole movie is the stats at the end that show the correlation between serving in the military and suicide. Once again, make a documentary about that! Why am I watching this? The movie, however, is just a series of bad dialogue and ineffective attempts at emotion. Nothing funny here, either.

[00:06:43] The professional actors are all fairly stellar, given the tepid writing that they had to perform. We also got some military veterans in the film, as well as they all delivered their lines fairly competently. I was actually... you know, I wouldn't say I was impressed, but they didn't take away from the train wreck of this movie. Because they are suffering from PTSD, which is what they were trying to act. There you go.

[00:07:06] For a film that delves into such heavy emotional subjects such as PTSD and suicide, it is hard to believe it left me feeling nothing. This was a rage. I just... I don't... I could go on and on about this movie, but I don't even want to because it's just depressing me to even talk about it. Because it's such... I wish it was effective, because it's so important. But yeah, absolutely.

[00:07:36] A topic's important. Yeah. But the way this was delivered... Aye yi yi. Rage. Aye yi yi. Aye yi yi. Have I even said aye yi yi before? Aye yi yi yi yi yi yi yi. There you go. No, you haven't. Yeah, this was total rage. All right. So... This may sound a little repetitive, but... Formula. Formula. Formula. Formula. Formula. Formula. Maybe formula. Formula.

[00:08:05] That does sound repetitive. Formula. Mm-hmm. Formula. Yeah. Formula. Ah, yes. Yes. Where everything is based on convenience and tropes with dialogue so horrible, and did I mention formula? Formula. That where nothing in this is original or interesting in any manner whatsoever.

[00:08:28] We have PTSD person named Merritt, whose friend Zoe dies and then haunts her, I think. Or is in the movie as, I'm guessing, the PTSD comedy really? I think it's just in her head. Yeah, it could be. It's not really haunting her. Yeah, maybe. As is the date that Merritt gets from the nursing home, who also isn't funny. Mm-hmm.

[00:08:56] But his character is conveniently planted at many times throughout this film. Ultimately, this film is boring, unoriginal, and frustrating to watch. And most things are overly obvious and a little stupid and typical. On top of that, they are trying way too hard at too much story with boyfriend, Alzheimer's, which is actually the, like, as much as it may try to be about PTSD, it's way more

[00:09:26] about Alzheimer's than it is about PTSD. I agree. So if you're trying to write a film about the importance of PTSD in the military, do not throw Alzheimer's in as a side story, because now, what is the importance here? Like, at the end of the film, you're like, okay, so are we gonna, which QR code are we gonna get here to scan? So, oh, plus they've got mother-daughter relationships, they've got father-granddaughter

[00:09:53] relationships, and they've got father-daughter relationships. Yes. To be honest, this had all the makings and formula of a Christian conversion film, except it was only missing Jeebus at the end, but otherwise it felt like any other Christian conversion film with perhaps an idea of a story, but where everybody coming together to put this in place did not have the talent, other than the actors, as you said.

[00:10:22] The actors in this were very well. They're all, yeah, they're all good actors and they all did what they could. Yep. But we still did get a QR code. We did. Yes, we did. Most times we get message films that just aren't normally good at all. In this particular case, it, it, you should ask the, before you go into the cinema, just before you buy the ticket, just ask the person that's selling you the ticket. There's a QR code at the end. There's a QR code at the end of this movie.

[00:10:50] There has never been a QR code at the end of a movie that I have personally seen that is worth watching. This film was a rage. I wished so much more for this film because I too think both Alzheimer's and dating and also PTSD are very important topics. There you go. And this may be a theme. Do a documentary. Okay. First off, I can totally appreciate the message this film was trying to get. Yes. Absolutely.

[00:11:20] War veterans on both sides of the border live through hell and often come back with PTSD, suffer depression, and sometimes kill themselves. It's a tough subject. However, this film didn't do a very good job dealing with it. The main character is being haunted by her dead friend, Zoe, who we are to believe died in some horrible incident while serving her country. Did you see any kind of fighting at all in this movie?

[00:11:48] Any guns going off? Any explosions? Nothing. We saw them watching a fence and throwing rocks at a target. Yeah, you saw them sitting in their Humvee and then sitting watching from behind a fence where you can't even see over top of it. Yeah. There was no fighting. There was no trauma. They gave us an anti-challon. They just sat there. I don't know if they ever picked up, I mean, they're mechanics, but I don't know if they ever picked up a gun. Well, they were driving around a lot by themselves. So you think even if they're mechanics- Were they driving around or were they still in the compound? Yeah, they were.

[00:12:17] I never saw them drive. Maybe they were driving around inside the compound. When they were singing the Rihanna, they were in the compound in a vehicle that wasn't moving. Who knows? Anyway. Military looked kind of good from how they portrayed it. Yeah. You just sit in a Jeep and rock out to tunes. Yeah. Well, yeah. We're led to believe that her friend Zoe died somehow horribly and she's haunted by it because it was her fault. It takes nearly the entire length of the film discovered that it wasn't the war, but Zoe's

[00:12:45] inability to cope with real life afterwards that caused it. For most of the film, it seemed to be a joke because Zoe was always acting up during serious moments like her PTSD therapy sessions. I mean, obviously it didn't matter to her dead friend. Uh, the real story for me was her grandfather played by Ed Harris, who is a war veteran with

[00:13:13] Alzheimer's who won't leave his home and her difficulty dealing with him. It's actually done quite well. Ed Harris is always amazing. Morgan Freeman was totally wasted in the four scenes he was in. Yeah, totally. Utkarsh Mbutkar was pretty good too. Although I absolutely did not buy the romantic love story that between him and our character there was nothing there.

[00:13:39] This movie took so long to get to the point that I lost interest halfway through. I have never served in the military. Don't know anybody who has and have no experience of PTSD. I do, however, have some experience with family members with Alzheimer's and dementia. So I get it. For that reason alone, this film was a low man and not a rage. Oh, you're being very generous. Very generous. I was being generous because I like Ed Harris and Morgan Freeman. Yeah. I like Ed Harris.

[00:14:08] I like them all actually as actors. No, the whole army, you know, veteran PTSD thing was a red herring. It was not the important part of the story. And yet that was what the focus was at the end of the movie. It's like, that's it? Yeah. Well, she didn't get her face blown off or she didn't walk into a bullet or something. No, she was depressed and drinking because she couldn't get a job and then she killed herself. And here's the thing. I know that happens. I'm sure that. Um, what's her name again?

[00:14:39] Um, the, the, not Zoe one merit merit. Thank you. I'm sure that does happen for survivors when their friends commit suicide. It's just, but yeah, there's a bait and switch comes from the horror. Yes, exactly. So, so it was shocking. The stats that came up with the percentage of suicide. That's, that's significant. I was like, what? Again, it should have been documentary.

[00:15:07] Well, and interestingly enough, um, Ed Harris's character talks about the effects, which we've all seen from documentaries and films. Yeah. And Ed Harris's character was in Vietnam. Coming back from Vietnam where, where they, the, all the veterans were treated like shit when they came back. Yeah. Yeah. They got a spit on. Yeah. No, absolutely horrible. Anyway. All right. So, uh, you know, we almost got a trifecta there. Mary is being very, very generous. Ed Harris was awesome. All right.

[00:15:36] So we got to see last breath from 2025, which is not last breath from, I think it's 2018. From, from, well, Jim from 2025. Kind of. It's been sitting on the shelf since 2023. What? Yeah. They, this movie has been made and ready to be released for a long, long, long time. It's post Oscar. So now they just release all the crap. Yeah.

[00:16:06] Exactly. Usually we used to get the crap in January. Cause they, we'd have to see the Oscar stuff. Yeah. In December. Yeah. All right. So this has all the tropes. It's a trope. It's a trope episode this week. This has all the tropes of underwater rescue films, except in this case, this one is based on an extraordinarily true story. And I followed up after watching this film. Cause I watched the documentary. There was a documentary on this. So did I.

[00:16:37] Yes. Which I actually fully enjoyed. It was okay. Yeah. Which I fully enjoyed it though. It was okay. Yeah. Cause I fully enjoyed it. It's, it's got suspense, sciencey underwater tech stuff, storms at sea engineer who has to reconfigure the ship and a body that is cut off from air for more time than anyone could possibly live in an ordinary true story.

[00:17:04] But this one is an extraordinarily true story. Yes. Of 29 minutes without air, which I think in the doc, it was 30, 38 minutes. It was possible. It was, uh, I thought it was the same. I think it was a little different. I think you're wrong. No, it wasn't. But we also get corny video messages from his wife on the surface and pretty much everything that can go wrong, which does go wrong. Which happened. No, it didn't. Yeah, they did. No, it didn't.

[00:17:33] In the doc, she was saying that she recorded messages for him. Well, let me finish. Go ahead. Let me finish. Cause everything that goes wrong does go wrong in the movie. Okay. Okay. Basically, this does follow a lot of what the documentary tells, but in this being a narrative, it doesn't do a good job as the documentary in telling us the important details.

[00:17:56] Plus these things like the love videos in the film seem corny and fake and are actually in the doc. What kind of drives the story from the beginning. On top of that, just like they normally do when doing a bio doc biopic doc retelling, they try

[00:18:17] and make it more extravagant and suspenseful in the, which is unnecessary in the, in the, yeah, it just, it, we've seen this before. It doesn't need to be proven. Just watch free solo or Dave is not coming back. Just literally watch those two docs. They are two of the most suspenseful films that have ever been created. So you don't need all that other shit. Cause it was just what was fucking happening.

[00:18:46] So anyway, back to the story after we get the bell, after they get to the, in the bell and get down in the water, Chris gets caught as they're coming back. His umbilical air air, which covers his air light and heat gets caught, which breaks and leaves him with only 10 minutes of air. In actuality, it's five minutes of air, but in the movie they said 10 minutes. I don't know why a bunch of suspense stuff happens.

[00:19:09] And then we finally get him in the bell and Woody Harrelson, who supposedly has been a diver for 20 years, apparently has no real first aid training, or at least that's what it looked like from the thing. And he blows into his mouth twice and, and, and it kind of does somewhat happen like that. That did it though. That's all it took. It's just, yeah, it's, it's just, it comes off in the film as ridiculous. Cause it, it just doesn't feel natural and real. I was numb at that point. Yeah.

[00:19:39] In this doc, it is so very cool. Cause everything they are doing is explained and you feel, you understand the what's and why's in the film. It's so Hollywood eyes. The real footage of the event is where the suspense of the doc comes from. And in the film, it comes from all the drama around the event itself and made up all Hollywood. So there is not a storm that was happening. And this, they did break, like some of the, some of the facts do happen.

[00:20:09] And if there was a storm, who cares? Like, wow, what does that have to do with these guys that are like way underwater? Exactly. And then in the, in the, in the film, the engineer has to go down into the ship and we wire the whole thing. That's not what happens. He just, he just does a main start and then it works again. Like, this is the stuff that it's just like, it's so ridiculous that this film, we even, it's kind of the same. It is not.

[00:20:34] Cause they made a point of going, Oh, if we actually spent 10 minutes in the film talking about the fact that, Oh, you know, like we can't just turn this off. It might take four hours for it to come back. Well, you know what I think you got to do. You got to go downstairs. Well, you just go downstairs. Yeah. And that's what happened in reality. It's like, it's like, I don't know who was watching the documentary and said, you know what? Okay. This part here, where are we doing the documentary?

[00:20:59] Let's just add a bunch of stupid shit that makes it more suspenseful, which was absolutely not suspenseful. You do realize that the documentary and the film were directed by the same person. Yeah. So that's what, here's the thing. Documentary filmmaker, you're not qualified to make a narrative film. Don't do it. Fair enough. And in Bryce's opinion, obviously with the doc, you're barely qualified to do a documentary. I didn't even really qualify. Someone could have done that much better on the show.

[00:21:25] Well, the guy who did Dave not coming back and the guy who did free solo. Get those two to do it. Yeah. Anyway, that's a whole other story. This was an extraordinarily, extraordinary true story, but this retelling of it was corny and sappy and went on way too long. The doc on the other hand was and is how you tell true stories, which I actually really liked. It didn't know. It also didn't get to Mondo, but I really enjoyed it.

[00:21:54] That's because it was eight minutes too long, Jim. It wasn't 77. It was 85. Exactly. Um, I've got a few things to unpack, but this was a rage for me. I did not enjoy this and a rage. What? Imagine that. Murray's nailing it. What does Murray think of this movie? What do I think? Ditto. Ditto. Um, as I said before, I really shouldn't do double features or movies that start after

[00:22:23] 9 PM. I was already tired. Was this the second one we watched? I don't even remember. This is the second one. Yeah, it was. I was already tired after the first film. Uh, I thought, hey, an action packed movie with Woody Harrelson. Shouldn't be too bad. And Simon Liu. Yeah. Well, I was wrong. You were dead wrong. This movie was so low. And dark.

[00:22:49] And had a lot of people with Scottish accents that I had trouble understanding. Apparently it was based on an extraordinary true story. It isn't a fairly extraordinary true story. It is. In fact, I just want to add this. This is the only extraordinary true story film that I've ever seen. Really? Yeah. Cause most stories are just stories. They're not extraordinary where a guy dies for 30 minutes and then all of a sudden he comes back to life.

[00:23:19] That's pretty extraordinary. Uh, yeah. These divers, um, apparently in Scotland who went to the bottom of the North Sea for whatever reason, I even forget why they were down there. Fixed the, uh, pipelines. And then the youngest one has some kind of accident. I think I closed my eyes at that point and missed what happened. It got caught on something. Yeah.

[00:23:44] Or his dive partners, these old guys just leave them there without any air at the bottom of the ocean. Uh, he said, I'm really missed. I think a lot of, yeah, I don't know why they left off. Okay. Let me tell you what happens. So what, what happens is they didn't go back for, they come loose. They did. They come, they did. Like after his brain. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So here, here's the reason you did sleep through this obviously.

[00:24:11] So what happens is they're, they're sort of anchored for lack of a better word. Yeah. They got the umbilical going up to the ship. I get that. The ship is anchored. So it's not moving anywhere. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. What happens is it gets knocked off its anchor and so it starts to pull them. Yeah. Yeah. So because it's pulling him, they have to like, there, there's a giant structure in the way and they have to get to the very top of the structure.

[00:24:36] He doesn't quite get to the top of the structure before the tension pulls on his umbilical cord. So he's still there. I don't get why they didn't go back down there. Well, they did, but they did, but they were, they were half an hour later. They had to wait. And yeah, they had to wait that, that part is the only thing in this movie. The point is I don't, I don't care. Yeah. Um, that's a better point. He somehow makes it to the diving bell platform in the pitch black runs out of air and goes to the auction for almost 30 minutes.

[00:25:06] Yeah. Um, and again, I know why they didn't come back for him right away. Uh, no clue. Did I mention that I was tired? Yeah, you did. Um, I won't give away any of this spoilers since it's based on an extraordinary true story. It's true. There was a documentary you could, uh, you can watch. There is. This movie was too long. Too much of it was in the darkness of deep sea water. So I couldn't frigging see anything and I needed subtitles for half of the dialogue. So yeah, rage.

[00:25:36] Hey, I'm going to keep this really short cause you guys talk way too much. About this movie. Uh, the risk of sounding repetitious. Uh, the director of this, Alex Parkinson made a doc in 2019 by the same name with the same story. Watch that instead because at least it was math. This dramatic version is a rage. I don't want to talk about this. We can't not talk about the things. Well, we did talk about it. Let me tell you. We went at talked about it ad nauseum already.

[00:26:06] Did we? Okay, go ahead. Keep on talking, Jim. Let's do some unpacking. Okay. Why? So some of the unpacking already did, but the point I'm trying to make on this is that in the, when they do these biopic retellings, they don't need to add this stuff. Like there's no, I've been saying that. I don't care if it's about this extraordinary true story or if it's about Freddie Mercury, you know what?

[00:26:34] They've both, both are worth telling because they don't need embellishment. Either of them. Yes. We got embellishment in Bohemian Rhapsody. Every one of them we do. We get embellishment in this. We get embellishment in every stupid biopic. Every single one. And we don't need it. If the story's worth telling, just tell the story. Yes. Thank you. Because there's a part, there's a part. Now I'm really raging. Nice. I love it. This is what I wanted. I wanted to wind you up, bitch. The, the.

[00:27:04] I just want to move on. There's, there's a scene even in the movie. They add this, but they're going to try and grab them with this robot hand. Yes. And, and as well, they got in all this other shit. Why didn't they tell the people watching the film that there's actually a medical crew that is part of this? Those are the people. And that. What the hell were the, the, the team B and team C doing? They didn't do shit. The whole movie. They just sat there. Well, they didn't have the opportunity because team A had a problem.

[00:27:34] Yeah. T-M A had a problem. Couldn't they have sent those guys down? No. Okay. So you, you, there's no Trent trying to explain to you why you can't understand this. Cause you did take a good nap. You took a good nap. And you know what? You were pretty relaxed afterwards. I can't believe I'm the only, I, I, I actually stayed awake through a movie. I stayed. And Murray didn't. And Murray didn't. Eh. You know what to do, Murray. That's what happens when I do double features. Yeah. Rage. Trooper. Rage. Rage.

[00:28:05] Yeah. It's also why I go to movies at two in the afternoon. Yeah. See, I would nap at two in the afternoon. That's my prime time. All right. So we got to go to a special Calgary underground film festival, special viewing of the rule of Jenny Penn. Doom, doom. Uh, and you can check out Calgary underground film.org. So if you're in Alberta, go check it out because there are festivals coming up and we, we always attend and cover it well. Yeah.

[00:28:34] And they always, always on their off the cuffs, bring us something unique and different. The off the cuffs I find they've done over the last few years have just been so brilliant. And after, after you hear us talking about this movie, if you are still interested in it and it doesn't come to your town, it's definitely coming to shutter. Yeah. Dump, dump. All right. So, uh, the rule of Jenny Penn, this answers the age old question of what happens to sociopathic

[00:29:04] serial killer bullies when they are in their eighties. Well, in this case, they walk around the old folks home with a creepy baby doll puppet on their hand and proceed to torture, murder, and abuse all the other residents until they, they finally piss off the wrong roommates. One who's a retired rugby coach and one who's a retired judge who recently suffered a major stroke and becomes very infirm.

[00:29:33] Um, Jeffrey Rush, even in his age state is a sharp tongue and eloquent as he ever has been in this. And John Lithgow is as creepy as it gets as the serial killer doll handling psycho. The story is dark and dreary and full of dread and paints a picture of the worst possible outcome our elderly could fall under in their golden years when they get put into retirement homes.

[00:30:03] We get constant abuse given to everyone from Lithgow. And when we finally get to the end and he gets his comeuppance, it's a very satisfying ending to a very, very slow burn. We get all the icky things that come with old folks homes, horror suspense films, naked old bathing men, old people eating loudly, toenails being trimmed, ignorant evil administrators, and of course, the ever present catheter poles.

[00:30:31] And don't forget licking filthy dolls asses. So all in all, this was pretty icky, creepy. It was very funny at times, but most it was a hundred percent mondo. I freaking loved everything about this except one thing. Can you guess what it is? It's too long. John Lithgow's New Zealand accent. Was it New Zealand? Yeah. And it was too long. Yeah. And his accent was awful. Yeah. I think it could have been cut about 15 minutes.

[00:30:58] I didn't mind though, because seeing John Lithgow do his dance was enough to make like he could, I could watch him for an hour and a half just doing that dance and I would have been happy. There you go. You want me to go? Yeah. Okay. Do it. It'd be a nice bookend then. Okay. The cuff screening. It's no secret that while I love cuff and everyone involved with it, sometimes I don't always enjoy their films.

[00:31:28] Yep. Cause you're not underground Murray. I'm not underground enough. You're mainstream. I'm more mainstream. They call you mainstream Murray. That's right. Mainstream Murray. I figure with Geoffrey Rush and John Lithgow, I couldn't go wrong. Yeah. I mean, how could you? And you didn't, right? I'm forgetting for a moment about Lithgow's really horrible accent, which I thought was an Aussie one. Yeah. It's New Zealand. Which I remember from Pitch Perfect 3, it was the same fucking accent.

[00:31:57] So he was from New Zealand in Pitch Perfect 3? No, I'm pretty sure he was Australian, but it sounded exactly the same. I don't know. He played, what's her name? River Wilson's father. That's probably how he got this role. Anyway. Yeah, cause everybody else knew he was actually from New Zealand. Except him. No. Um, Geoffrey Rush is from UK. No, I'm pretty sure he's from New Zealand. Really? Yeah. Look it up. It might be wrong. I'm going to. Anyway, it doesn't matter. I'm on it. Um, this film was really hard to watch for many reasons.

[00:32:25] For me, it was 90 minutes of elder abuse. Yes. He's from Queensland, Australia. Okay. Well, it's close. Same neighborhood. It is the same neighborhood. I know he wasn't English. Different accent. Uh, watching Lithgow, whose character was the only one in the entire assisted living home that had nothing wrong with him. What? Oh yeah. He had asthma. He had big deal. He had, he had being a psychopath. Yeah. He was.

[00:32:55] No, I mean physically wrong with him. Yeah. He was like walking and dancing around. Everybody else was in chairs drooling. Oh, he had, but he had the asthma bad. Whatever. I think he checked himself in though. Not bad enough apparently. He hardly ever used his inhaler. Yeah. Um, yeah. Why is he even there? That's what I want to know. Everybody else. It's, it's assisted. You look at the pictures. He's always been there. It's assisted living. He obviously worked there for a while. I don't know. Maybe, but yeah, he shouldn't. Oh, not maybe. He's in the staff photos.

[00:33:25] Um, I also had a huge problem with the realism of the security of that place. Okay. There seemed to be no staff after 5 PM. Yeah. It's an old folks home. No orderlies or security guards. Go to any assisted living place in anywhere, any country. There is always somebody there at 24 seven. If he says a problem. Do you remember COVID? Except in New Zealand. Do you ever see any, any, any other bodies at night? No.

[00:33:54] It's just John Lee. During COVID they had basically left them all. Yeah. He just kind of locked them in there. They had this elaborate key card system for all the doors, but lift gal just wanders in and out of any place he damn well chooses. Yeah. Because he's special. So obviously the locks don't matter. Cause he can just go over it once. Yeah. Cause he's been there so long. He's got it all figured out. He terrorizes the invalids sometimes in plain view of the nurses. Uh, yeah. In the end he got what he deserved. It was too little too late.

[00:34:24] And I did not enjoy seeing old people, torture porn. Oh, I know a lot of people, including Stephen King, love this film. Yeah. I was not one of them. Hard, hard rage. Oh my. Oh, I freaking hated this movie. Oh my. So there. Don't hold back Murray. Tell us what you think. Well, like I said, it's going to be a bookend cause I'm pretty sure you loved it. Ah, let's find out. Should we find out?

[00:34:54] Let's find out. I'm going to predict you didn't love it as much as me. I didn't love it as much as you, Jim. Okay. Rule of Jenny Penn. That's what we're talking about, right? Yeah. All right. I kind of lost track there for a minute. I just, there was so much rage coming from, from Murray. I was almost uncomfortable cause it just doesn't, it doesn't come from him. It doesn't flow like that. Oh, I know. Usually Murray's like, oh, this was the worst movie I've ever watched. But it was meh. But, uh, but, uh, but Ed Harris is in it. So yeah.

[00:35:24] I kind of thought that Harris was in it. So was that. Eddie Harris wasn't in this one. If he was, maybe it would have made it. John Lithgow and Jeffrey Rushworth. I needed someone to kick John Lithgow's ass. They did. They did. At the end, they had to team up with a couple of invalids. Yes. I mean, somebody of able body, like a 30 year old security guard. Oh, that would have been, that would have been horrible. Just punch him in the face. Is he talking you into changing your rating? No. Keep continuing. All right. Rule of Jenny Pan.

[00:35:52] Take two unlikable old folks, put them in a retirement home and have them do horrible things to each other. Yes. Now that's entertainment. Rush and Lithgow were fun to watch. Seeing John Lithgow utter the phrase, lick Jenny Pan's asshole is worth the price of admission alone. Yes. And there was, and the fact that, uh, you know, Rush actually did lick it.

[00:36:21] That just made it even better. Yes. And while this was a lot of fun at times, it was a little draggy and uneven at other times. It was unnecessarily long at 104 minutes, but with the creepy visuals and jet black humor, the rule of Jenny Pan merits a high map. Yeah. I'm getting to the point every time with these reviews today, cause I knew you guys were going to yammer on and on, but what else would you like to unpack? Cause I could, I could talk about this movie.

[00:36:51] Oh yeah. Like there's, I don't know. I thought there was some, like, first off, I think it's the director's first film. Ashcroft. Yeah. I think so. Um, I think he's made a lot of other like short films. The only part of the film I liked was when I got a smoker lit himself on fire. Nice. That part was funny. Yeah. You know, the thing that I love so much about this film is, is the dark humor in this, like the, the darkness, it takes you to places. I just didn't find it funny at all. Yeah.

[00:37:20] You know, and if you're not like, there's a kind of humor that if you don't have that darkness in you, you don't. There's some people are gonna, some people are gonna watch this and go, how can you laugh at that? Yeah. And then me and Jim are like, how can you not laugh at that? I was laughing all the way through the movie and I felt, didn't feel awkward, but I could tell people were feeling awkward. Cause they're like, why are you laughing at that? Because it was hilarious. Like John Lithgow's character. This is a second movie by the way. Oh, okay. Second.

[00:37:49] Coming home in the dark from 2021. Oh, I think, didn't we see that? I don't really recognize it. You know what? But still for your second film to get John Lithgow. It looks good though. And Jeffrey Rush in this. I actually want to watch coming home in the dark now. Yeah. I, I, there was times like, I would agree with you that there was some dragginess to this, but during the draggy times to me is where it helped to fill out the story a little bit.

[00:38:16] I mean, it was kind of, it was like, have both the roommates kind of bond and they needed to have that part where, you know, you kind of go to yourself, God, man, you're a fucking rugby player. Like, you know, a New Zealand star that people worship. And you can't beat the snot of some old, old dude that's traumatizing.

[00:38:39] Early on, you know, you know what movie you're in for when, when dude is in his wheelchair lighting up his cigarette and all of a sudden he's just burned to death. Yes. That was, that was actually the start. I enjoyed it because that was just, that was just stupidity. That wasn't cruel. That was just an idiot who has, who has an oxygen tank who smokes. Yeah. I know a little bit about, but what did came, what didn't Lithgow take a cigarette? I don't remember. Yeah, he did. He's got asthma. There's no way he smoked.

[00:39:09] He did that on purpose. He didn't even find, you didn't even find out he had asthma until like halfway through the movie. I know. That's what made, see, that's the thing that it kept. Because he was very able-bodied. He kept taking you back. Yeah. But that, but that's part of this, like, again, those little tiny dry moments is where they filled in gaps in Lithgow. Lithgow's character. Like Bryce said, you knew that he was there as an employee and he probably just kept working there. And then he said, like, okay, well, then he wasn't taking care of himself or whatever. So they just let him stay.

[00:39:38] And he's probably got key cards from- And obviously didn't, didn't turn a blind eye to everything he did. Like, it wasn't like the stuff in people's rooms at night. Well, but that's just- In the middle of the day, in the common room, he was doing shit. And nobody did anything about it. No, they did. No, they didn't. No, they just blamed Geoffrey Rush because he got- They just blamed Geoffrey Rush for everything. Well, Geoffrey Rush threw some shit on him. That's right. Assaulted him with pudding. He did. Yeah. Anyway. Yeah.

[00:40:07] This is, I would say, if you've got a really dark, deathly dark humor in you, you will enjoy this movie. Yeah. But if you don't, like Murray, you will not enjoy it. Yeah. I really, really like it. If you're a positive, outgoing, lovely person, you probably won't enjoy it. I am a positive- Except maybe Jim. How am I not? Oh, whatever. You're- Whatever! You're like, you're like Mr. Grumpy Pants. You're like, um, what's his name? The Grinch.

[00:40:37] Yeah, I was gonna say that, but- You're even tall. He hasn't do Christmas, so I wasn't gonna say that. Yeah, but- He's just Mr. Grumpy Pants. Whatever. I've seen his heart grow 10 sizes. So yeah, some people loved it. I hated it. So, you can make up your own mind, I guess. It's on Shudder. Yep. Dum-tum. Dum-dum. Oh, the mer! Speaking of rage, get ready boys. Alright, I might go first.

[00:41:03] You both know what happened on Sunday night, and you know I was gonna talk about it. What happened on Sunday night? Yeah, it was the Oscars. Oh yeah. But, since we don't care about awards, I'm not gonna talk about who won what. Nice. That's good. So this year I'm going- By the way, this is the first year that they kinda got some stuff right. I'm going with something else. No. Things I hated about this year's Oscars. Nice. Yes, I watched it. I can't help myself. I still enjoy the spectacle of Hollywood.

[00:41:34] So here goes. First up, Conan O'Brien, Conan O'Brien, Conan O'Brien. Oh my god, I can't even describe how unfunny I find this guy. He's so funny. He's not funny. He is totally funny. After a really good opening Wizard of Oz slash Wicked number, they gave him 18 minutes- Not enough. For his monologue. Should've gave him 36. Including a stupid skit with Adam Sandler about being underdressed for the Oscars. I saw that.

[00:42:03] That was funny. And a ridiculous musical number called Wasting Time- I didn't see that, but it sounds funny. With a puppet sandworm and a dancing Deadpool. So- Which was in fact a time waster. Yeah, so okay, so- His number made it go long. So they took the songs that are nominated- Yeah. And we didn't- You didn't get to hear those. I'm getting to that. Oh, okay. But this was just- I hate Conan O'Brien. He wasn't funny. He was a jackass the whole thing. Nice. Um, yeah. Yeah.

[00:42:33] I like him. Me too. Me too. Robert Downey Jr. Okay, I get it. The guy has an Oscar now. He does. So that qualifies him to present the Best Supporting Actor award. Yes. What does not qualify him to do is waste three and a half minutes talking to each of the nominees. He basically talked to them when they were in their seats. Like, they didn't just show the clips. That's what Robert Downey does. Yeah, but that, again, wasted time. Time.

[00:43:03] Time they could have put somewhere else. Just show the damn 10 second clips and get it over with. Unfortunately, they did this with a lot of the major awards. Just- One of those examples was- Just put up a graphic every time with a check by who wanted- Well, no. Put up another one. No. If you want to show a clip from their movie, that's what they usually do. But no, he spent 30 seconds on every single nominee and just bullshitting stuff. It was better than last year when they had like- But at least he didn't use the-

[00:43:31] Each nominee had a different person introducing them. Yeah, no, they almost went- That was terrible. They did that here too. Oh, did they? I didn't see it. One of those examples was for best costume. Who the hell even cares about this category? Lots of people. They brought out actors from each of the nominated films. Five different people, including that Asian dude from Wicked, with an unfunny attempt at humor.

[00:43:59] Seriously, this category is important enough for a five-minute sketch? Yes. I don't think so. Okay, the Bond tribute. I am a huge fan of the Bond series. Well, up to the point when they cast that Craig dude. Yeah, where it was good. Where it finally got good. Considering that Amazon just bought the rice to the Bond franchise and the family that actually created it. The broccolis? Yeah, I understand. Halle Berry introducing it? Yeah, okay.

[00:44:28] She was in a Bond movie. A terrible Bond movie. Yes. The video montage? Yeah, done pretty well. Then they brought out the dancing and singing. Nice. Margaret Qualley, who I have not seen dance in any film ever. Okay. She may be a professional dancer, just you never displayed that. And there was like a Vegas style dance number. Okay. What followed was a montage of Bond theme songs. Yeah.

[00:44:58] Sung by Lisa. Okay. And Doja Cat. Okay. And Ray. Okay. Who the hell are they? I don't know. I don't know. Exactly. Live and Let Die, which they did, should have been sung by Paul McCartney, who is still alive. Yeah. Barely. Next up was Diamonds Are Forever. Did you see his performance at SNL? Whatever. I didn't actually.

[00:45:25] It wasn't as bad as Paul Simons, but. It's close. Anybody could have done it better. Next up was Diamonds Are Forever. That could have been sung by anybody but a rap hip hop artist. Finally, Skyfall, which should have been sung by Adele, who again is damn well alive. Yeah, but she's already saying it. She won an Oscar for that song. Yeah. So why would she sing it here? This whole fiasco was eight minutes long.

[00:45:56] Yet all the best song nominees got no time for their songs. Nothing. You're supposed to download a QR code and listen to it online. Like, well, you can do that already. This is the dumbest award show I've ever made. Epic fail. Epic fail. It was horrible. And I love Bond, but yeah, it was horrible. That sounds good to me. All of these time wasters took time from the winners acceptance speeches.

[00:46:19] Most notably, the winners from Dune in the best sound category got cut off by music after one minute and 20 seconds. I heard Adrian Brody took a moment. I'm getting to that. There were three guys. Last one didn't even get to thank his mama. They just cut them off completely. There was three guys and the third guy didn't get to talk. And it was a minute and 20 seconds. That's all they give them. The two shouldn't have taken. The other two shouldn't have taken so long. You couldn't give him an extra 30 seconds? No. That's just cruel. Got to move the show along.

[00:46:49] Finally, Adrian Brody. Yes. I know. I promise not to talk about winners. Yeah, he won best actor. This really annoyed me considering he was in a category with Timothee Chalamet and Coleman Domingo and Ralph Fiennes. What really sent me over the top was that he was allowed to ramble on for six minutes in his acceptance speech. At one point, he told the orchestra to shut up. Nice. And then he would wrap it up in his own time.

[00:47:19] Yeah, baby. Are you freaking kidding me? Way to go, Adrian. Everybody else gets 45 seconds, but he's allowed to talk about real politics for three minutes? He's the best actor. Whatever. No, he's not. I know one of you hated that movie. I hated that movie. But he doesn't hate Adrian Brody. I don't hate Adrian Brody, though. He definitely wasn't the best actor, I can tell you that. Oh, he wasn't the best actor this year. Not even close. I agree with that. Um... You guys... I can come up with a list of about 20 that had better performances.

[00:47:47] If you guys ever thought I would like that guy, that idea is gone. Alrighty. Nice. The Brutalist was three hours and 35 minutes. Of pure joy, yes. There was not. This year's Oscars was... Of overindulgent gardens. This year's Oscars was three hours and 47 minutes. Both were way too long. Good job, Conan, with that not wasting time thing. He said it at the start of the show. And all he did was waste time the rest of the movie. I'm sure his tongue was firmly planted in cheek. He knew it was gonna run long. He knew it was gonna run long.

[00:48:17] Oh my God, he so wasn't funny. He's so funny. Can I just say how much interest I have in the Oscars when... I looked at my top 15. So my top 10 and my honorable mentions. Yeah. And only one movie that was nominated in the best film category was in my top 15 films that we saw last year. And that's Conclave. So... I thought you liked the Femora. The Femora. I did, but Inora didn't make my top 15, but it made prices. Yeah, Inora almost made it in.

[00:48:47] Did Conclave make... In your top 15, do you remember? I don't remember. It might have. It might not have. Oh, I've got... I've got yours. I think Inora made my top 10 though. Inora was in your top 10, but it wasn't near the top. I know you guys loved the substance. Hmm. I liked it. No, we liked it. I thought you liked it. No, we liked it. Anyway. We liked the gooeyness at the end. Yeah, the gooeyness at the end. Yeah. No, yours... Your... Uh, for you... Yeah.

[00:49:14] Actually, nothing that you had in your top 10. Well, was it Inora? Oh, you know what? I believe... Inora was. I believe your animated movie was. Oh yeah, the animated... The Robot wasn't nominated. No, Flo won two awards. Yeah, what didn't make my top 15 though? Oh, for him, I mean. Yeah, he didn't. That didn't make his top 15. I didn't make my top 15. His snail movie was nominated too. There you go, snail movie. For the best film? Uh, animated. Animated. Yeah, not the best film. No, no, no. We're talking about the best film. They have 10 nominees. Anyway.

[00:49:42] So that's what I'm saying is that if I even liked or loved the top 10 films were nominated, maybe I'd be interested. I mean... But they get it wrong every year, so... Well, yeah. I'm glad they gave it to Inora though. Yeah. Of all the options they have, it was the least objectionable. Except maybe her. I don't think she was the best actress either, but whatever. I thought Conclave was better myself. Anyway. Yeah. But no, I didn't hate the whole show, just a lot of it was really bad. Yeah, you liked Conclave more than... I loved Conclave, but you loved it way more than me. I did love it. Because I loved the ending. I know you did.

[00:50:11] It was just like, it was a kick in the nuts to the Catholic religion. There you go. Anyway. Which I'm good at. So yeah, that was... Here's Oscar rap. Nice. Because I wasn't happy about most of the winners. But I didn't hate the whole thing. I mean... You know what? Even when you're delivering the Oscars, you're still giving us some rage there. Yeah, I know. Because I love to please. Yes, you do. Temperature rising. Vision blurring. Rage taking over. Are you listening, Bryce?

[00:50:40] That was it. I heard it this time. Yes, you heard it this time. I was all wrapped up in my own thing last week. Apparently. You normally wrapped up in my own thing. Okay, my rage this week is really, really, really simple. It's the fact that any award show exists whatsoever. That's it. That's my rage. Alright.

[00:51:10] Well done.

[00:51:11] My rage this week, which I didn't even know what it was until the Merman Minute finished with his...

[00:51:41] Was he award shows? ...with his spiel. My rage this week is the fact that on Sunday night, I started going down this rabbit hole of Netflix sports documentaries for some reason. And I completely missed the Oscars. And now having to hear Murray talk about it, it sounds like I missed out on a good time. I'm sure you can YouTube a lot of it. So my rage is that I missed the award show this week. I thought you didn't care. I don't know. No, he doesn't care.

[00:52:11] I think... I still like to see what Hollywood thinks is the best thing just so that I can mock it. Yeah. See where I've given up mocking things because I just... There you go. I just mock everything. No, like there's always something entertaining. Plus, I think Conan O'Brien is high-larious. No, he's not. Yeah, I'm sad I missed it. I'm on Team Conan O'Brien. I went down some weird rabbit hole of sports dogs. Ben Stiller was actually going to... So... I got to learn about the girlfriend that didn't exist. I was just... With...

[00:52:43] Manti Teo. Manti... Is that his name? Yeah, I think... The NFL dude. Yeah. Yeah, he made up a girlfriend. Yeah, I remember that. He didn't make up a girlfriend. There's... It's... It's really... He got catfished, basically. Oh, okay. Yeah, I remember that now. And I got to learn all about Johnny Manziel. Although, you know... And I just... I don't know why. I just started watching sports dogs. I was in such... So... I think I was in such pain that sometimes I... Misery loves company and I want to put myself in some more pain. So you watched bad documentaries. So I just started watching the bad sports dogs.

[00:53:12] You spent Sunday night watching, in my opinion, what the most torturous thing to watch is the Oscars. And then you spent Sunday night watching... Sports dogs. The absolute worst genre of film that's ever been created, which is sports films. Yeah. So... No, no. But just documentaries. Doesn't matter. At any rate, I... My rage is that I miss the Oscars. Wow. Well... I hate you. I didn't even realize they were on. You might have to go onto YouTube and find all of the comments.

[00:53:41] Oh, I already... I know who won. No, there was a whole... No, no. I need to... There was a whole musical number with a dancing sandwich. I need to experience the whole four hours in all its glory. Yeah. The only thing I saw was... And the... The only thing I saw was the Adam Sandler thing. And I don't even know how I saw it, but I did see it. Probably because Ken watches YouTube 24-7. Which was... Which by the way was hilarious. No, it wasn't. It was so freaking funny. No, it wasn't. Okay, here's the thing that maybe our listeners don't know. But Adam Sandler is not funny. Adam Sandler is... No, he's not. He's not.

[00:54:12] He may be a decent actor when he does serious stuff, but he's not. He's a very good actor and he is... The movies are not funny at all. F-U-N-N-Y. He is not funny at all. Anyway. Are you done? Yes. You missed the Oscars. Boo hoo. Rach! It's exciting. Put your sorries in the sack. I'm so sorry. Anger fading. All right. We haven't talked about the list for a while. Yeah, no. We haven't done it in a while. I know. We have a list?

[00:54:41] We're back. I had a list somewhere. He checked it twice. In the podcast area. In the podcast. What happened to it? Either somebody threw it out or you're dog-ated. One of the two. I'm voting dog-ate. So because that was my list where I was keeping track of what we... The stuff and stuff. Stuff and we crossed stuff off. I have no idea who did anything. Okay, but the good news is... There's one we've agreed on, which I think we've done already, but whatever. You want to watch it again?

[00:55:11] That's up to you. We haven't watched it. We haven't watched it. Carol Kane, who is still mesmerizing. Yep. And Peter Dinklage did a movie called Pete Smalls is Dead. I'm pretty sure they're both in it. I don't know for how long. Pete Smalls... Pete Smalls is Dead. Yeah. Perfect. We will watch it. So just... And I'll just try to refresh this thing with whatever and hope I don't get one we've already done. Nice.

[00:55:41] Poke your eye out. So just for people who are listening, we haven't... If you've been listening to us just recently and just caught on to the fabulous rage that we like to deliver, the lists... Go to our website, filmrageyyc.com. Check out our section called The Lists. There is five lists. We have the mesmerizing. We have the repulsive. We have the... What? Doubted. Undoubted. And the undoubted.

[00:56:10] And we have the previously mesmerized. So if people was punted from the mesmerized list, then we have that list and who punted them. So we've been trying to get down our mesmerized list because let's face it. If two mesmerizing actors are in a film together, just like Islander... What is that, Grace? There can be only one. There can only be... I don't know what it is. There can be only one. There can only be one. There can only be only one. That's right. Because I actually have seen those movies. And...

[00:56:39] I think I watched one on a Rage or Dare. I may have even watched the TV series. It was two. You watched two. Yeah, it was terrible. With Sean Connery's fabulous action. I'll just say, I watched one of them. I didn't know if it was one or two or three or four or whatever. They're all the same. They're all horrible. Don't tell Casey. Then there was a TV series where they brought the movie actors onto it. Oh, please don't even get that. So they had the TV Highlander and the movie Highlander. There's everything about those. Same show. The first one was watchable. The rest of them are all just dumb. So yeah. Anyway, check out our lists.

[00:57:07] And Carol Kane and Peter Dinklage are still on there as mesmerizing. And maybe one of them won't be next week. Yeah. And we don't have anybody anywhere? No. No, we're good right now. Well, we kind of talked about it actually at the film watching episode. But they haven't got enough films in there. We've got them planted in our psyche. Yeah.

[00:57:39] Last week on Rage or Dare. Apparently, Bryce's crippling wounds from falling on the ice also affected his memory as he convinced Jim that they had both seen a Uwe Bowl film. So instead of one Rage, the boys have two this week. 2023's House of the Dead. And 2004's Catwoman. Both from our listeners' dare bag. This week, it's Bryce's turn.

[00:58:08] Personally, I think he should have to pick two again. Come on, Bryce. Yes. All right. Let's find out. Wait, never mind. Let's hear how bad Uwe Bowles' House of the Dead is and find out if Catwoman is as bad to our little Ray Jets as it is to our listeners. I mean, it's a superhero movie? Hmm? Doesn't that mean Bryce will say it's a meh? We shall see. Yeah.

[00:58:36] I'm gonna, if it's okay with you, I'll let you take the lead on this. Okay. Well, I'm gonna start with Catwoman. Okay. All right. So follow my lead on Catwoman. This is like most superhero slash supervillain movies. The story is based on an origin model, which ultimately is the same as any other based on paper thin characters who operate in convenience and happenstance.

[00:59:04] Like she's going to work and literally bumps into every single person she walks by. And she is going to climb out a five story building to save a cat for no reason whatsoever, which makes no sense, but makes the worst sense. Halle Berry's acting. Now that makes horrible sense as a geek shy person who is milquetoast and no personality, which is something that apparently she cannot do as an actor.

[00:59:31] Like she cannot do it at all because she is horrible in this, like unwatchably horrible. And evil boss who doesn't care about FDA or whatever. Wait, does this sound familiar? Um, yeah, cause it's a superhero story, origin story. She goes from klutzy idiot to super something by dying. The whole premise is dumb. Like pretty much all superhero movies are now. And how did she become Catwoman?

[00:59:58] You may ask she's cause she's dying as she fell in the water. And then the cat that almost killed her on the building. Then, uh, all these other cats and this other cat, it was a special Egyptian cat, horribly CGI magical. So, sorry, it's not a cat. It's a horrible CGI cat finds her and blows Meow Mix breath on her. And she comes back to life. I'm like, what? What the fuck? Like what is happening right now? Okay.

[01:00:26] I may believe a radioactive spider could buy, could bite, but super cats who bring people back from the dead by breathing on them with their bad, horrible, stinky cat breath. She gave her CPR. For no, for no Marie. He just breathed through his Meow Mix in her face. Um, there's no reason for this. This super cat thinks she deserves it, I guess. For, for what reason? I have no clue upon coming back to life though.

[01:00:54] She is super cat woman who is confident and nimble and all powerful, et cetera, blah, blah. The whole thing is awful. And by God, can I say it one more time? I'm Harold Holly Berry in this is the worst actor in anything that's ever existed. This is the same person that was awarded an Oscar. Yeah, that's right. Oscar. Oscars just give people awards. They don't look at their obviously past content. Well, no, it's you gotta, she got it.

[01:01:21] She got a deserving Oscar that year for monsters balls. Well, if they would have seen this, the people that never watched it with this. Oh, oh, does it Bryce? Yeah. Oh, does it? So you're trying to tell me that all the people that vote on the Oscar committee that don't actually watch the movie, they admit it all the time. I never watched it. I just voted for Adrian Brody. He's got a nicer looking nose. I don't know what they're, so, so you would think that they would have, somebody would have seen cat woman. Yeah.

[01:01:49] Anyway, the Oscars are stupid. This film is horrible, but on top of that, everything else, this was not as fully superhero-y, because it was also a rom-com, which I think may be a new genre of film. Rom-com hero film. Cause it ain't super. I can tell you that. But you know what is super? The fact that all of a sudden she knows how to drive a motorcycle. Oh, and be a hairstylist and a basketball star.

[01:02:18] And for some reason she decides to steal jewelry out of the middle of nowhere in the story. She's like, you know what I need to do? Cause she's naughty now. I need to steal jewelry. Yeah. But then, but then she returns it cause she's nice. She's naughty and nice. She's like that candy. The, what are they called? The ones that sometimes they're naughty, the nerds or whatever, the candy. Yeah. Sometimes they're sweet or sour. And sometimes they're sour. Yeah. On the label though. You know what?

[01:02:43] I have about another 10 minutes of rage that I want to add in here, but this movie was so unwatchable and walk, walking, watching her walk down the CGI girders at the top of a building with her sexy butt wiggle did nothing for me in this. She was so horrible. This movie is the worst thing I've ever seen in my life. The movie was bad, but I liked her. Yeah.

[01:03:11] So I, I could have sworn I seen this. You probably did at some point. I don't think I did. Cause if I did, I completely blocked on my head. Cause this is not the movie that I remember seeing. I, I don't know what I saw. You didn't see Catwoman. But this wasn't it. Did you see the 60, 66 or 67 Batman movie with, um, maybe that's what I'm thinking of. That was a lot better than this.

[01:03:41] Lee something. Lee Merriweather. Um, I don't know. It might've been Eartha K. I don't think it was Julie Newmar. Yeah. This movie, this movie is a complete and utter mess. Um, I'm not sure. I'm not sure what it was. I, I, I, I, I, I, I just watching it and I'm like, what, what is even going to be? I think it basically, it was on sanctioned DC film. Like I don't think DC gave their approval. No, there was, it didn't say, yeah, it didn't really say DC on it. No. Well, as I mentioned before this, before we, we are on the air, I've been watching this

[01:04:11] series about documentary about making of the Batmans, the Michael Keaton ones. Yep. And yeah, they recently went to, uh, when Batman returns came out. Uh, yeah, it didn't do as well as the first one, but because it was so dark and they didn't like Disney who, who had the money, didn't, didn't like some of the things that Tim Burton did. Uh, that basically killed any future Catwoman sequel, which Michelle Pfeiffer was ready to do.

[01:04:42] So that doesn't make any sense. There was almost, there was almost a Catwoman movie with Michelle Pfeiffer. So maybe this isn't related. No, Warner's or Warner Brothers or whoever it was. Maybe this is just not related to DC. Maybe it's just a story about a cat woman. Yeah. It's a cat woman. It's not the Catwoman. It's a cat woman. It's not the Catwoman. Cause she's got Meow Mix. Otherwise they would have had other DC characters in there. So no, nothing, nothing to do with the DC universe. She's got Meow Mix. Yeah.

[01:05:09] So I'm watching, I'm watching this movie and then we get to the, the basketball court scene. Yeah. Where she comes. And I'm like, what in the hell is going on right now? A bunch of, I don't know, how old were these kids? Maybe like preteen? 16? 11? No, I think they were like 11, 12. I don't think they were, they weren't high school kids. I thought they were high school. I don't think so. And they're sitting there like bumping and grinding on the cop. Like it was really weird. Oh God. And why were they doing this in front of these poor kids?

[01:05:38] It was very strange. And then when she slam dunked the ball, I was like, I'm out. Shack attack. This is just dumb. Everything about this movie was horrible. And the camera, or not even the camera movements, but the weird thing where they tried to make, like they show, they film her from a little bit far away and they'd make her like all of a sudden speed up and then slow down and speed up and slow down. Like, were they trying to mimic like how a cat walks?

[01:06:06] I don't even, just a lot of weird camera stuff in this, which I guess it's the pit off or whatever his name is. I guess it's like a, what was it? He's a visual effects guy originally, I think. So I guess that makes sense that he would like stick a bunch of useless crap in it to try to make it better, but it just made it worse. Yeah. There was not one good thing in this movie. It was unwatchable. Sharon Stone is unwatchable. Yeah.

[01:06:32] Lambert Wilson is the head of the cosmetics thing. He was, he was, I mean, I mean, I realized it's sort of based on a comic book, sorta, I guess. I don't know if it is. But he was very, very cartoonish, I suppose. But this movie was just bad. I, I, I don't know what I was watching. Nobody knows. Why are we still talking about that? It was a rage. You know what? We should move on to the-

[01:07:01] You have a second movie to get to. Yeah. We still gotta talk about- I don't wanna talk about another Uwe Boll. I just talked about an Uwe Boll movie recently. Well, he made a lot of them. You can say ditto. So, there are some inalienable truths in life when it comes to movies. Number one, if it is a video game movie, it will be a horrible, rage-inducing film.

[01:07:25] Number two is if Uwe Boll is directing it, it will be a horrible, rage-inducing film. And if these two things are combined, there is instantly a multiplier effect that is usually an immeasurable amount of horrible, rage-inducing pain. They're always combined, because he bought the rights to all these crappy PC games. Yes. That's all he makes is video game movies.

[01:07:54] No, he made Postal. Postal's based on a video game! Is it? Yes! What? Every movie he's made is based on a video game. Look it up! Postal is a video game! What video game is that?! Postal! I have no idea. Only Postal I remember is the kid on the bike delivering newspapers. Oh no, that was Paperboy. That was Paperboy. No, he delivered it into their post office boxes. The game's called Paperboy!

[01:08:24] Anyways. Was there a lot of wiener in Postal the video game? Because that's what I remember about Postal. We got to see Dave's wiener, the whole movie. Dave Foley's wiener. It's all, all it is is Dave Foley's wiener through the entire... Anyway. Yes. Okay, don't sidetrack me. Okay, so... You sidetracked yourself. You did. So when it has this bifecta, which apparently is every Uwe Boll movie, they're all horrible. But then again, it had Clint Howard.

[01:08:54] Who am I kidding? Even Opie's brother can't save this combination of bifecta. We get all the regular Uwe Boll tropes like bad acting, bad effects, bad film quality, shot on video, TNA, horrible story, and no real connection for the most part to anything. Because it's based on a video game. Yes.

[01:09:17] Which is basically walking around an island where teenagers are partying and being attacked by zombies with a clip of video game thrown in. Yeah, it's a shooter game where you shoot zombies. Every once in a while, they throw in this clip... What is going on? That they basically want to prove that the graphics from the House of the Dead video are as horrible as this movie is. Oh man.

[01:09:40] This is boring and idiotic, just like all the characters and just like the director of these horrible rage inducing films. And oh yes, it's a rage. But if there's one thing that can be said that wasn't a rage, it was that there was a significant amount of characters that could be killed off as zombie fodder. This is horrible. Zombies can swim. Zombies can sneak around tents, bushes, and run. They can climb. Zombies can sneak around.

[01:10:10] The cops get there and they have no other boat to escape on. Like the cop that goes to save them is just like, where's her boat? And then the line that made me laugh the most was, Greg, run! Greg! Greg, run! He didn't run, Murray. No. He didn't run? Did he die? Oh, he died. He died. Yeah, this was... Hey, Vern Troyer was in this. Didn't he mean? Maybe. Oh, sorry, no.

[01:10:39] Sorry, I'm looking at Postal, sorry. Yeah. He's in Postal. He is in Postal. Tune you guys out. He's not in there. I don't remember if we got to see his wiener though. Dave Foley's wiener is in that. Yeah, I know! Yeah, but not in this. Dave Foley's wiener is not in House of the Dead. Yeah, J.K. Simmons is also not in House of the Dead. Stop talking, Murray! Okay, Murray's gonna watch Postal this weekend. I'm just checking to see if it was a video game. It is a video game! It doesn't say. Oh my god, dude. Here. Are you ready?

[01:11:08] Stop talking about Postal. Finish off with House of the Dead. You know, here's the sequel. There's actually a Postal 2 too, Paradise Lost. There's a Postal the original. There's a Postal video game, Murray. Put a Postal video game in it and it'll come up. Guaranteed. Cause it is. House of the Dead. Uwe Boll. I... It... You know what the best part of Uwe Boll is?

[01:11:33] And it's the only thing that you can semi-enjoy his movies on this level. Documentary. No, is because... His name? He actually thinks he's making a good movie every time. He really does. And he's putting... You can see he's putting his... His heart and soul into... He's trying stuff. He's got these action sequences with like 360 degree cameras where they like show the... You can see the wind from one side.

[01:12:01] And then the camera swings around and you see them from the other side. And then you see all this stuff going on. And then the music kicks in and it's pulsating. It's... It's high octane. And none of it works ever. It's all awful. And it's... He tries so... Like he's not trying to make a bad movie. He is trying with all his might to make the best movie that's ever been made. And he fails miserably every time.

[01:12:29] And that's what's so sad. And I... All the acting's horrible too. And it's so bad every time that you can't even appreciate it on that level. Cause it's... It's gone past so bad it's good. It's gone past it. It's just awful all the time. But he's trying so hard though. He really is. And he fails so miserably every single time.

[01:12:57] There's never been anybody like Uwe Boll. And I know I'm talking about the scope of everything he's done. But you covered everything very, very well. It's... It's unwatchable. It's absolutely... And when those video game clips get like spliced in. Spliced into it. It's like... And they're all out of focus and like blown up. And it's like... Like why... What are you even doing? It's like he videotaped it on a... Yeah. Like he took his camcorder.

[01:13:25] And recorded it at a video arcade. Yeah. And videotaped it from about three inches away from the screen. It's so bad. Everything in... There is no reason... And Clint Howard... Oh God bless you Clint Howard. Why? Why are you doing this? He's in a few... You're getting proched now. Why are you in this? He's in a few of it. I think he's friends with Uwe Boll. Oh my goodness gracious. In case it wasn't already obvious to you, Clint Howard had a major drug problem in the 2000s. Yeah.

[01:13:54] That actually... And you know what? Clint Howard's recovered now. But at any rate... Clint Howard will work for anybody. He'll work for anybody. This movie is the same as every other Uwe Boll movie. It is an unbelievable rage. There is nothing in it that is worth watching at all. I will say that... Nah. It's all bad. It's all bad. It's just a rage. Except the documentary. Yeah. Uwe Boll documentary is great. Yeah. I saw part of that. It's so good. That was a cuff thing. It was. So good. Anyways. Yeah.

[01:14:24] Rage. Rage. Rage. No, no, no, no, no. I think it's your turn. I don't understand how... I just watched this week. I watched last week. I watched the week before that. You did not. And now I'm watching again next week. I don't understand how this works. Just... You know what? Just do it every week. That's right. Apparently that's how it works. Yeah, of course. I don't care if you choose. I'm choosing from your bag. You really want me to choose from your bag apparently because you're handing it to me.

[01:14:54] I really want... I really want... I really want to talk about a vampire movie. El Conte? Okay. Okay, well I'm not watching on El Conte. Oh, for... No! Yes, what is it? What is it? It's a movie from 1990 and it stars Mr. Tom Cruise. Awesome! Well, you gotta love Tom Cruise. I love Tom Cruise. Days of Thunder? It's Days of Thunder. I love Days of Thunder.

[01:15:23] Can I give this to Murray then to watch? Murray's all gonna watch it all. I won't rage about it. I love Days of Thunder. Murray's probably gonna watch it just for fun. It was the beginning of the romance with Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman. Oh, Nicole Kidman's in it. Oh, joy. Yes, she is. One of her first girls. And what's his name? The Rowdy Dude. What the hell is his name? Oh, Rowdy Dude. No, no. The dude from Guardians. No, the guy from Guardians. What the hell is his name? Michael something. Guardians? Michael. Yeah, the blue guy from the Guardians of the Galaxy.

[01:15:53] Oh, he used to be... He used to be an Esperanza. That was his name, Michael something. He was in The Walking Dead. Yep. That guy. He's always entertaining. He is. Bryce is gonna love this. He's gonna love it. Days of Thunder. It's a sports movie. Yeah, you know me so well if you think I'm gonna love this. You know. You know what you've just done to me. Hey, it's no... What the hell is that other one? Not Still Grace. What the hell is the one you watched? Oh, the... Six Pack. Six Pack. It's no Six Pack. But you know...

[01:16:22] It might be enjoyable. It will not be. It will not be. All right. Well, thanks Ragers for listening. Thanks, Extended Film Rage family who you can find in our show notes. Thanks to Casey from the Nerdy Photographer for the voice of Rager Dare. Find us on social media everywhere at FilmRageYYC. Check out everything Film Rage at FilmRageYYC.com, including our merch site for Red Bubble and Tee Public. We're always gonna make this a Raging Blast for all listeners. So please, comment, like, subscribe, and send us emails to FilmRageCalgary at gmail.com.

[01:16:52] Dare to see terrible movies to fuel our rage, but no matter what you do, please, please, please, please, please, please, I'm Acast for Rage. That's it for this week. Rage on! Oh, you're talking about Michael Rooker. That's the guy. Yeah, I like Michael Rooker. Exactly! See? He'll probably be good in it. He'll be good in it. There you go. Robert Duvall's in it. There you go. How bad can it be? Exactly! It's gonna be great. Okay, I guess we're, uh, yeah. Rage on! Rage on!