The Roast of Nickleback

[00:00:12] The only students here, but I got some great intros for everybody. Oh boy. Oh boy. He once studied Tara Patrick for a college research paper. Our man James Bruno returns. Hello, everybody. How's it going, folks? How did your holidays go? Did we all have a good time? Good. Now it's 2026, so let's just fuck shit up. Yeah!

[00:00:42] Whose comic books are they anyway? Gil Palmer makes a comeback. Yo! Yo! Lego, his ego, oh my. Thomas Lindemann returns. I quote the great philosopher Christopher Walken. Fuck the police, that's his quote. Dead or alive, your Springsteen vinyls are coming with him. Mike Insane is back in session.

[00:01:14] Working on Springsteen prize number 250 right now. It started in June, it won't be done until probably next June. He's the most street wise guy in Baltimore. Oreo Brewer is returning. Yep. I'm here. New year, new bullshit. New bullshit. And once adopted, twice removed, your best or host Cam Sully is here. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey, how you doing?

[00:01:43] Oh my. Where's my sister cousin? Oh. Oh. Oh. So, trying to find some music group that'd be perfect. So, I just figured I'd go with one of the most hated groups of all time. And none other than Nickelback will be in the roasting chair today. We can't do gumbo horses. I mean, they're optional. I found out I had one of their songs. It was Burn It to the Ground.

[00:02:12] Oh, is it on a soundtrack or something? It was just an individual I picked off of iTunes. Oh. Wow. I think I bought it for my wife. We've all been there. Okay. So, I'm going to let Mike go first because I know he had a hysterical story to share about Chad Shander. A friend of mine was kind of in advertising and kind of the music business and stuff. He got us free tickets for Nickelback when they played here.

[00:02:40] So, we went just to walk out. Oh. I remember walking out there and just going, are you guys leaving? Yeah. You know. I forget. The 2000s. Yeah. No, it wasn't that long ago. It was probably about 10 years ago, I guess. Oh, wow. The woman that, the opening act, she played Cindy Lou Who. Oh, yeah.

[00:03:09] Oh, shit. Taylor Momsen from the Pretty Reckless. Taylor Momsen. So, that was interesting. I remember her saying, Nickelback would be out in a moment or something like that. So, yeah. I remember it was kind of bizarre because, oh, it's Cindy Lou. She played Cindy Lou Who. That's how I mean. You know, family friendly. The show starts out with, ah, ah, ah, ah. And like heavy breathing. Oh, my word. What are we in for here?

[00:03:38] Stripping away the kid-friendly image. Yeah. Tipper Groer would, would, would, you mean we'd slap that with a, with the NC-17 kind of label. Oh, totally. Mm-hmm. Thank God Nancy Reagan isn't here. Yeah. Or Ronald. Last year, any studio head, she was in every office back in the 40s. Oh! Oh! So, she played Cindy Lou Who in the original. Yeah. I think it was probably in the Jim Carrey Grinch. Yeah. Okay. Sure.

[00:04:09] So, she was just a kid then, yeah. A few more credits. Yeah. She was literally 10 years old. And then after that, or actually seven, I think. But either way, yeah. After that, then did a few others and then retired from acting to do music. It's, I wonder if Nickelback drove her away. She's like, I gotta get my own room. I can do better than this. Look at my friend during that concert. Three songs in or something. He's sitting there like, we gotta get out of here. You know? We gotta go.

[00:04:36] Is Nickelback what everybody asked for was after they finished singing? Yeah. Absolutely. We've asked Canada to apologize for giving us Nickelback. But they're already fending off requests to have Justin Bieber returned. Yeah. Isn't Shatter from Canada too? Yes, he is. Yes, he is. Like we were joking out there. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Captain Kirk's American, so. Right.

[00:05:05] Well, and then Star Trek, Laurie's from Iowa. I remember that. Yep. I'll let Tom go next. I just know he's kicking. Oh, yes. Yes. I had a little trouble coming up with a few jokes for Nickelback. But the one thing, what can I say about Nickelback? It hasn't already been said by people who actually like real music. Never have I ever been more jealous of Beethoven.

[00:05:35] And speaking of Justin Bieber, have we not learned anything from the Justin Bieber fiasco? Why are we letting Nickelback into the country? Oh. You thought waterboarding was bad? The last Nickelback album is considered torture under the Geneva Convention. Yes, it is. Nickelback has a greatest hits album. Surprisingly, it has songs in them rather than a big blank disc. I'll tell you, they put him in the group in the middle.

[00:06:04] Nickelback making Bon Jovi look like Motorhead. Now, because they're from Canada, depending on the exchange rate, they are approximately either 0.8 to 1.2 of an actual rock band. Less than 10%. Lead singer Chad Kroger married Avril Lavigne. Great. Fake rock and fake punk creating a real unholy alliance.

[00:06:41] I didn't know they were married. Yes. Oh, that's a real unholy alliance. During the vows, did she like skip out of the church when they put the wrong pre-recorded vows on? Possibly. Yeah. Kroger also did Hero with Josie Scott of Saliva. Love that song. For the original Spider-Man soundtrack. Basically, this was the musical equivalent of George Clooney's Batman. Oh. Oh. And here's a tip for you, all you audio fans of the theater.

[00:07:11] If you play a Nickelback song backwards, it sucks the same as if you played it forwards. Nickelback has had a problem holding on to a drummer. Nickelback should not be called Nickelback. They should be called the Spinal Tap of Canada. Yeah. Now, here's something. Here's a fun little fact. Nickelback has never won a Grammy. I put him behind Christopher Cross.

[00:07:38] Also, for those of you playing along at home, heavy metal Grammy category, Gethro Toll won. Nickelback, zero. But here's the thing. I probably believe that Nickelback will be in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame someday, because I'm sure they will need janitors. Recently, they also did a cover of Don Henley's Dirty Laundry, a song they absolutely love. What's next? Timothy B. Schmidt doing death metal?

[00:08:08] Oh, God. Yeah. Nickelback is hard rock for people who think Pat Boone is too edgy. Wow. And here's some. And finally, the band got his name from Making Change at a Coffee Shop. Great. Something else we can blame Starbucks for. That's my time. I'm out. My God. You decimated? Then you went back to nuke it?

[00:08:36] And then you gave it radiation poisoning. I love it. I had to nuke it from orbit. It was the only way to be sure. And then we had to still destroy the planet just to make sure. So anytime there's a concert of theirs in town, nobody wants to be the last one there. If Nickelback actually played fifth defensive back at a football game, no one would want to pass them. Nobody.

[00:09:05] Bon Jovi thinks that Nickelback gives love a bad name. Where's the lie? Yeah. The lie is Bon Jovi is a rock act. Oh! A little preview of my upcoming roast for Bon Jovi. We might have to. We might have to. They say a hero could save us from this group. Oh! Oh! But I'm not going to stand and wait, though.

[00:09:34] I legit once had an awesome English teacher describe Nickelback as cinematic vomit. I can't freaking top that. Love you, Miss Fugarus. You were awesome. I hear from some, if one buys a house from Chad Kroger, that it's of no value. Fucking burn. They want their Nickelback. Oh! It's less than even five cents.

[00:10:03] When I take a dump, I call it a Nickelback. When I get hemorrhoids, I call it Maroon 5. And when I get straight up diarrhea, it's called a Limp Bizkit. Shit. Hey! All right. I'm going to let Gillil go next. I got plenty of words. All right. I'll start with a statement, and then I'll read my... Statement of fact. Don't tell me to look at this photograph. It's just how you remind me you thought Rockstar was a life plan.

[00:10:31] You promised I'd like it someday, but now I just want it far away before I burn it to the ground and turn into an animal looking for the exit. Right. And Nickelback sounds like rock music designed by an insurance company to offend absolutely no one. Their entire catalog feels like one long apology for existing.

[00:10:57] Nickelback writes songs for people who clap when the plane lands and thanks the pilot personally. Oh my God! Their music is what plays in Hell's waiting room while Satan finishes his coffee. Oh, that's cold. That's cold. Every Nickelback song sounds like it was written after Googling, what do humans feel? Look at this graph.

[00:11:24] Chad Kroger sings like he's permanently yelling at a Best Buy employee about a return policy. Nickelback isn't bad because they tried and failed. They're bad because they aimed for this. If creativity were oxygen, Nickelback would be legally pronounced dead halfway through the first chorus.

[00:11:53] The only mystery about Nickelback is how they convinced millions of people this counted as rock music. And finally, Nickelback proves that mediocrity isn't just survivable. It can go platinum. Oh! Nice. I love it. Just like anyone could be a New York Times bestseller. Man, hey. Yeah. I think you just hit five home runs there. That was pretty solid. Couldn't keep up.

[00:12:22] Couldn't catch the ball. All right, James. Oh, jeez. I think you can beat this. I think you can drum this into the ground. You're the joke teller, my friend. As much as you know, there was some tragic news tonight. There was a plane carrying Creed, Daughtry, and Nickelback. And it went down in the middle. And everybody was killed. And the music world went, thank God for that. Yeah.

[00:12:49] And, you know, in the late 90s, early 2000s, you know, there was bands like Creed, Nickelback, Daughtry. You know, all these bands came out. And, you know, I just thought to myself, you know, if I buy one of these CDs, you know, and put it in my stereo system, my head will explode. They all did sound alike back then until they diversified themselves. You know, I mean, I can remember. I went to go see.

[00:13:19] This is the truth. I went to go see Bon Jovi, and Nickelback opened up for him. And the sad thing was Bon Jovi opened up at 9 o'clock, and Nickelback played at 5 p.m. Oh, my word. Yeah. You know, what do you call a stadium with four guys playing instruments and, you know, nobody in the audience? A Nickelback concert. You know, I mean, I've never seen more, you know, I mean, you know, I'm going to say this,

[00:13:48] you know, I know Chad Kroger bleaches his hair because, you know, who else wants, you know, I mean, Jesus, you know, he's nothing really, he's not a dynamic front man. He, you know, he sounds like he smoked 15 packs of Marlboros by the time he was, you know, 20. And the lyrics, every Nickelback song, it's like, it's like every guy I knew who liked Nickelback. Yeah. It was like a meathead. Yeah. A fucking meathead. You know, meat. Meat. Yeah. Like, you know, like, you know, all the guys.

[00:14:19] Yeah, man, I love this song. I love Limp Bizkit. I love. I'm like, dude, you don't want to break stuff. I'm going to suck like a monster and beat my girlfriend. Yeah. Canada's given me a lot of personal favorite musicians, like, you know, Neil Young, you know, BTO, The Guess Who, Rush. Um, you know, gave us the kids in the hall. SCTV, John Candy. Um, you know. Good actors. Yeah. Yeah. A few good actors.

[00:14:48] But Nickelback, um, I'm going to have to call a foul on that. That's a total foul. That's a total foul. I mean, and you know, why would you call yourself Nickelback? It's like, uh, yeah, let's call it. We can think of a really great name. You know, Nickelback. Yeah. Because nothing says douchebag than the word nickel, which you don't have in your fucking currency. You know, Nickelback. Oh, yeah. That's great. America will love it because, you know, we're, they've got a five cent nickel.

[00:15:15] We've got the Tooney, the Looney, the Rooney, the Stoonie, and the only Rooney Kug Kazoonie. You know, I'm like, all I can say right now is, you know, I, I hate Nickelback and, you know, if there is a tragedy with them involved, you know, like, let's say, you know, the, the bus. That's karma for us. Yeah. I will be outside dancing a jig, you know, because it'll be one of those bands.

[00:15:41] I just don't give a flying fuck about, you know, you know, and, you know, people, people talk about, you know, all cost denialism and all that stuff. I think people should just get away from that and look at Nickelback denialism. Yeah. They were never a hit. They were never big. They were, they were music for guys who had those freaking, those freaking tribal tattoos that went to the gym five days a week. Oh God. You know? You're right. Dude, this song means a lot to me. Yeah.

[00:16:11] And, you know, it means a lot to me too. It means that you're a real idiot. Yeah. So, you know. I like the tribal tattoos, but yeah, you're right. Oh my God. No, no, not the tribal tats. The tear away chest tattoos. Oh, like Superman and Spider-Man. No, it was, it was, they were tribal. They don't get tribal band tattoos on their arms. No. You know? And they go to the gym and they drive around and like, you know, Jeep Wranglers and, and crosses and shit. Yeah.

[00:16:39] They look, they just, you know, it was just like, dude, we got the new Daughtry CD. Okay. That's great. Uh, die of fire. Burn it. And then burn it. Burn it to the ground. I love Nickelback. I love Nickelback. I, you know, you know, I love Nickelback. That's great. I don't give a shit. You know, go plow through a schoolyard and get fucking wasted shit. Get fucked. Get fucked. Get fucked. Sandy Hook. Get fucked. Nickelback. Alex Jones is a Nickelback fan.

[00:17:08] You explain that to anybody, you know, they're the greatest band ever. Sandy Hook was a fake tragedy. Oh no. I got one joke about their name. Oh boy. The band chose Nickelback because slightly worse than silence was too long. What's the best thing about, what's the best thing about listening to a Nickelback record? Not putting it on at all. Meh. Exactly. Good night folks. See you later.

[00:17:38] That was good. I heard the real reason Avril Lavigne died and was replaced by a doppeldinger was to like the slate clean between her and Chad Kroger. Christ. Just another conspiracy of a conspiracy. You can look it up. I know. I remember that. She's a robot. She's not real. My pal Tony was looking it up one day and I predicted it before he even said it. He's like, actually, yes, this is a conspiracy. I'm like, yeah, I can't blame him. There's no way that's plastic surgery. That's a doppeldinger. Theory of a dead man.

[00:18:07] The spinoff group is named inappropriately. It was already dead on arrival. Wasn't theory of a dead man about Paul McCartney? Yeah. They wish they were. I'm pretty sure anyone could have made it as a wise man. No one cuts it as a poor man stealing. And I wished I was living like a blind man after reading these incessantly bad lyrics.

[00:18:34] Getting sick of sight without a sense of feeling is how they remind me. This shit truly writes itself. Nickelback's newest single, San Quentin, was featured on the HBO Max show Velma cartoon. No wonder no one heard it as we were too busy not watching it. I didn't even know they put out any music. Yeah. I didn't either until I did the research. Last one I saw of theirs was...

[00:19:03] What the hell was that? Did anyone actually see them? See what? I saw them. Yeah, we're too busy blinking. I saw them. I saw them live open for Bon Jovi. Yeah. I did. I mean, the Bon Jovi show was great. Nickelback and they said, we'll see you. And somebody yelled, we'll see you guys soon. And some guy in the audience just yelled out, no, you won't, you fucking assholes. Oh, so...

[00:19:33] That's too good. In 2014, Chad Kroger had to have vocal cord surgery. Oof. Why couldn't he had taken a hint and left it the way fate intended? In 2017, Nickelback toured with Cheap Trick. I can't top that, so I'm just going to leave that trivia right there for you to confide. In an alternate reality where Linkin Park created Nickelback, they remarked, I'll erase myself and let go of what I've done. That's all, folks.

[00:20:03] On to you, Oreo. I have no insults whatsoever. No, it's like, I like Nickelback, but not hardcore and shit. But I do get why people don't like them. Like, I know Chad's an asshole to fans of what he's done backstage and shit with certain fans. Like, I know about that. That had to have been what inspired the song Animals. And I would hear that everywhere.

[00:20:28] It's like, Jesus, it's literally a dude ramming a girl in his backseat. I'm like, Jesus. Like, wow, like, that's a tight fit, too. Yeah, no pun intended. And they don't... True. And you don't even know what kind of car it was. It was a Geo Metro. Like, ugh, which one? There was times where I would hear it be at a... I kid you not. Like, a kindergarten baseball game. And parents were looking at each other like, really? Smart Mart is explicit.

[00:20:58] I'm like, well, it's... You don't... It doesn't have to to know what it's saying. That's the thing, though. Some people don't know what the lyrics actually mean. They're just like, it's loud. Yeah. Yeah. It's like, you look at every song that's come out, and every song has a meaning behind it nobody knows about until decades later. And it's like, oh, that's what it meant. I'm like, yeah, we're not going to play it no more. Yeah.

[00:21:22] There was a group on YouTube that interviews various bands and will often have loaded statements like why they're great, why this group sucks. And they were interviewing Mike Kroger, the bassist. And I couldn't stand it. Like, the dude was going on and on. Like, people are just jealous. I'm like, no, you fucking idiot. People hate you because we legit... Your songs are generic. And... I mean, it happened.

[00:21:52] Like, I mean, it's like me and you talked about 2000s movies. Music was the same way then, because, you know, it's a new decade. And everybody's trying to put out the newest hit single and stay... Whoever's high. ...and be a new kind of relevant and work with that. And it's hard. It's really challenging. And then you get lumped into the same demographic or genre. You can argue that most of them don't even know why it's good. They're just looking at the return sale and saying, hey, people have spoken.

[00:22:20] Do I get a check for selling this crap? Yeah. Oh, okay, good. The check got burnt on the way over. But, yeah, so I'm just going to quote everybody's favorite Jerry Seinfeld. Who are these people? Oh, God. Oh, yeah. If no one has anything else, I'm going to... Temu Beatles. Temu Beatles. No, Temu Bachman Turner Overdrive. Oh, man.

[00:22:49] Emu Bachman. Emu, guess who? Ah. Oh, it was Rockstar. That's the fucking song. Oh, God. Yeah. I like the video because there was a lot of cameos in it. That was cool. Cool cameo in it. Eliza Dashku. There's a couple celebrities for that video. I forget all of them, but I remember Eliza. I hope they heard their agent. Yeah.

[00:23:21] You know, I just thought about, like, you got to think, they came out, like, at that time when music, when alternative music was, like, you know, dying out and, like, everybody was getting angry and pissed off and shit. Yeah. We have to have music that reminds us that we want to be angry. And I just think about, like, Nickelback must be the official music of everybody who voted for Donald Trump. Oh. Don't worry. I got some similar riffs on some of our upcoming roasties.

[00:23:51] You know, it's just, like, douchebaggery at its best. You know, it's like, you know, I don't listen to the Beatles. They suck. I listen to Nickelback. I'm like, it shows me your intelligence capabilities. Yeah. I don't think you can expect anyone to do a Beatles dish and get away with their life. I did that at the record store one time. Oh, my God. Yeah, because I bought, what album? I think it was the Blue album. Yeah. And it was for my aunt.

[00:24:21] And I was joking with the owner as I got checked out. I was like, I don't like this. I'm returning it. And she's like, what the fuck did you say? And she pulled out her club from under the table and shit. Like, say that again. Say what again? She's like, I got my child. She's like, I'll beat that shit blind. Like. Oh, it was funny. A friend of mine, he bought a Nickelback CD because he wanted to do target practice with his revolver. Oh.

[00:24:51] You were going to say, tell me. Sorry. Here's a question. Where is Yoko Ono these days? Not screaming in the mic. I am now retired and living in my house in New Dakota. Yeah. Yeah. Nickelback is when I know I'm in hell. Yoko Ono is in purgatory. Uh-uh. Uh-uh.

[00:25:14] Here's the thing, because Yoko Ono could make up for the whole breaking of the Beatles thing if they broke up. If she broke up Nickelback. I mean. Yeah. Alternate history. That would have been great. Well, I don't know. Didn't she put out an album, too? Yeah. I think so. She could have not done that. Anything for Yoko. Oh, yes. Oh, Yoni. Show me your droopy Japanese breasts.

[00:25:42] I like the way your nipples look like soy sauce. No, her nipples lactate soy sauce. Imagine. Imagine me inside you. Oh, God. John. John. Yeah, Yoni. What do you need? John. I want you to fart into this microphone. Then we'll repeat it over and over again and release it as a record. Sure, no problem. I had beans and franks last night. Okay, good.

[00:26:11] Now, the sound of John farting for 44 minutes. I fucking hate John. Number two. Number two. Number two. Number two. In Germany, it was just called nine. Nine. Nine. Nine. Nine. Nine. Not the nine. No. That's my catty shot yet. For a reason.

[00:26:36] If you have any final thoughts, I think we can safely say we have thrown them in the dumpster. I was going to say, too, I don't remember a single song they did. We sat for five or six songs. I can't remember anything about the songs. Did they draw the songs out or just, you know, like on and on? Here's my final thought. Nickelback isn't a name. It's a warning label. There's a suckiness level.

[00:27:05] So if you are in like Creed, you're the highest one. If you are in Daugher, you're the lowest. Nickelback, you're kind of in that middle ground of, okay, I'm trying to be cool, but I don't know how cool it can be. If you're in, if you like Creed, it's kind of like saying, you know, I'm a complete and utter douchebag because I just believe all the shit that I'm told. And if it's Daugherty, it's, well, you know what? I'll buy the record, see how it sounds, you know, and then you buy and you're just like, it's like a gateway drug.

[00:27:35] You know, you go to Daugherty, you go to Nickelback, then you go to Creed, you know, it's like. Well, Creed came out first. Then Nickelback. Then Daugherty. I like Creed. I do. They're good. I did too, but Daugherty, they're basically a discount for a jam is what I say. But it is funny. Daugherty is kind of unrealized potential produced by other Canadians. Thanks, Kiefer, and your record label. Can you kick me higher? What, so you can jump off the fucking building?

[00:28:07] I mean, then you got Van Halen over there. Go, jump, jump. Nickelback wishes they could go higher, but they can't even get it up. If Nickelback remade jump by Van Halen, I tell them, go ahead and do it. Go ahead and do jump. And I just be like, look, I'll film you on top of a building. And when you go jump, you're going to jump backwards. OK, unfortunately, I'm going to blame third eye blind because I think they told them to step back from that ledge. Oh, God.

[00:28:36] If I got to hear fucking third eye blind or Maroon 5. I can never believe how a mainstream song describing a blowjob made it onto the airwaves. And then it turned out to be a rape song. And I'm like, what? How? You know, I was singing a song called a Macy Gray song once on the radio that the kids were listening to with me. As I'm singing the song, I suddenly realize it's about masturbation. And it was called A Moment to Myself.

[00:29:09] Oh, that's great. I got a bunch of things about their name. OK, perfect. They're called Nickelback because that's what everyone wants after accidentally paying full price for their album. Nickelback sounds like the band was formed by a cashier refusing a refund. The name Nickelback implies you gave them something valuable and immediately regretted it. Calling yourselves Nickelback is bold branding for music people only tolerate in small change.

[00:29:41] Like 50 Cent. Nickelback feels less like a band name and more like customer service outcome. They sound like Indian good news too. The band is named Nickelback because after one song, you're already asking for something back. And I read that one. See, they didn't choose Nickelback as band name. That's just what audiences demand afterward. Nickelback. Proof that even the name knows you overpaid.

[00:30:09] Oh, if music had a return policy, Nickelback would be the receipt. That's that's what I had. Damn. Perfect. I I think that is the best part is that is the only as close to a positive as I will leave. This is a long story short. They pretty much reminded us how to just refund your money.

[00:30:37] So is that a story about them getting their name from Starbucks through? Yes, it is. I don't know if it was Starbucks, but it was that one of them was a cashier that at a coffee shop and said, hey, do you want your nickel back? And that works. We've been looking for a name. Yeah. Let me pull a hair in a ponytail real quick. I can't remember what the what the original name was, but it was it still sucked worse than Wicked Lester.

[00:31:06] That's welcome to the stage. Wicked Lester. It's like Jerry Lewis and the 90 professor. What's your name? And then in the background, you hear the singers are love, love. Oh, buddy, love. What is that? Jerry Lewis? Yeah. My name is Scotty. What's your last name? Then in the background, you hear the singers love, love, love. Kind of made it up on the spot. Who the hell would call themselves Wicked Lester? It's like I'm a wicked Lester.

[00:31:36] Like. I'm a very goth nerd. Yeah. Why don't you have a sponsor? Take a seat. Wicked Lester. Here's the thing. Wicked Lester actually became Kiss. Oh, yeah. Really? No shit. Yeah. Wow. And their original image was inspired by the New York Dolls because I have a picture of them from like 1972.

[00:32:02] And they're all kind of like looking like, have you ever seen the picture of the New York Dolls record? You know, wearing makeup and stuff. Well, they kind of did that image. They want to take that image. And like, it wasn't working that well for them. So they were just like, you know what? I think maybe we went a little further and just did ourselves up a little more and just create these characters for ourselves. So when we go on stage, people won't see, you know, people be like, who the fuck are these guys? You know? And it was cool to hate.

[00:33:00] You know? Kind of like a real funky sound to them. Like, he was like a blues guy. And they were just like, okay, we'll create these. We'll just create these characters. You know, Gene was like the demon. Ace was the, you know, the space ace. Space man. Yeah. Chris was Peter. Chris was the cat. And, you know, Paul Stanley was the. Star Child. Yeah, the Star Child. So it was like, you know, they just created these characters.

[00:33:28] And it's amazing when you see them on that Paul Lynn special. You know, they just came out. They had just released, I think, the first record. And, you know, it's like, it's like, wow, you know, shit. That's how they, that's how they made their name to fame, you know? You know, and the pyrotechnics and everything like that. They want people to have a show. That's the whole thing. But, you know, they were called Wicked Lester. I was like, yeah, it kind of sounded kind of like punkish. So it was like a punk band. Yeah.

[00:33:58] And they just said, all right, we'll just call ourselves Kiss. You know, it was called Keep It Simple Stupid. Yeah. That's what they meant. But, of course, the parents of America said, Knights and Satan service. I'm like, no, that's not it. Yeah. Their motto was just keep it simple, stupid. You know. Everything's got to be things. Satan. There was a movie made about going to see them at concert. Detroit Rock City. Detroit Rock City.

[00:34:27] But I have seen Kiss Meets the Phantom of the Park. Oh, yeah. The worst. I saw that on TV like back in the early 80s or something. Yeah. It was on. Well, they did it originally on NBC. And then it was broadcasted one night on the CBS Late Show. Kiss Meets the Phantom of the Park. You know. See Kiss. You know, I was like, oh, God. Here we go. You know.

[00:34:53] And mainly because Anthony Zerby needed a paycheck. Yeah. Yeah. And not only that, when you find out later that Ace really was so drunk, they couldn't use his voice, so they dubbed it over. Yeah. That's funny. And when they have the fight scene where it's the real kiss versus the fake kiss, Gene Simmons is fighting a black guy in his makeup. And you can tell the guy's black because they didn't put the makeup all the way around.

[00:35:22] So you can see at some point the guy's, he's like, I'm fighting this like six foot guy. You know, this six foot football, black football guy. And I'm getting the crap kicked out of me. What am I supposed to do during this fight? Oh, you're tussled with him. He's like, yeah, but I am not going to fucking do that. You know, they've like publicly disavowed that movie.

[00:35:42] They have said, you know, it was just a piece of shit, you know, but they were supposed to be the evil rock band in Sergeant Pepper, the movie. And they got the script and they said evil rock band comes on stage. Hey, look, it's kissing. And Gene Simmons says, wait, wait, we're going to lose to Peter Frampton. Yeah. And aside from getting their own comic, they appeared in Howard the Duck as well.

[00:36:12] Yes, they did. Oh, no. Kiss is part of Marvel. Oh, man. So. I guess kiss. We'd like you in a trashy way. Nickelback. I don't know what way we like you in. We just want you in the trash can. That's all. There you go. They're like ACDC. Nickelback is the sound that change makes when it hits the garbage. There you go. Ching.

[00:36:41] Anyway, when a football team says Nickelback defense, do they mean a shitty defense? That's why the Jets suck the shit. No, it means bring in Michael Vick. Yeah. Oh. Oh. Oh. Yowza. And then they have to dig up OJ to run linebacker. I'm back from the dead. I'm like Jason. How to ruin a franchise. Cast OJ.

[00:37:10] Jason Voorhees. Perfect. Friday the 13th. I'll do that movie. I view him like a jealous husband who kills his wife. I mean, supposedly kills his wife. Allegedly. Allegedly. Hey. Hey there. Hey there, guys. This is Norman Dowling. I'm the one making all the OJ jokes over there. Thank you. I was making jokes out of the word cracker.

[00:37:41] All you say this week is, you know, the most romantic man this week was Bob Bob Sinderson of Cincinnati, Ohio, who, as a fireman, went up to his girlfriend's 15th floor apartment and gave her flowers and an engagement ring and asked her to marry him. The least most romantic man in the world is guess who? OJ Simpson. Look, everybody. You were expecting Frank Stallone, weren't you? Look, everybody. A falling star.

[00:38:11] Oh, shit. That was one of those ones I just, when that happened, holy Christ. That was a good one. Yeah, I saw that people watch Mojo's top ten. I was like, what the fuck? And then I was like, oh, okay. So, in other words, what we're saying is, we can talk about any celebrity that isn't Nickelback. That's as nice as we're going to get. Because, you know, just wait. The comments, they're not coming anytime soon.

[00:38:38] And my wife, before I got on, she goes, but I like Nickelback. And I'm like, but it's a roast, honey. This is what you do. Yeah. And if you like it. Sorry. That's all right. I think that's all, folks. Thank you for listening. Nickelback's the best game ever. I'll see you soon. Thank you. sö hill". Yeah. No. No. I don't know.