The Roast of Christopher Nolan

[00:00:00] Some people say they don't understand Tenet. Some people say they don't understand everything in Tenet, some of it. Do you understand everything in Tenet? You're not meant to understand everything in Tenet. It's not all comprehensible. It's a bit like asking if I know what happens to the spinning top at the end of Inception. Do you know what happens to the spinning top at the end of Inception?

[00:00:24] I have to have my idea of it for it to be a valid, productive ambiguity.

[00:00:49] Well, I think movies died when Batman Begins came out, when suddenly the visual language of movies became information-driven and not emotionally driven. Like, I'm so tired of this, like, grounded and realistic thing that everybody's trying to do. It's like, no, are you fucking kidding? Why would you want your art to be grounded and realistic? No, you want it to take fucking flight. Right. And really, it's easier to not have the creativity to take it into the sky. And that's why Hollywood branded it cool to be grounded and realistic. No, that's not.

[00:01:19] Like, all you need to be is truthful to be a worthwhile movie. You know, grounded and real is like a lame excuse for somebody who doesn't have an imagination. That's my dig at Chris Nolan. I also thought that RDJ's performance in Oppenheimer was way more cartoonishly silly than Chris Hemsworth in Furiosa. Not a fan of Nolan. I'm not mad at that at all. As much as I respect Christopher Nolan as a filmmaker, he's made some of my favorite movies. I'm not mad at that statement at all.

[00:01:49] I'm really not. I had an interaction with him one time that may be the only thing in my life that I regret. I was working at that record store and he came through my line, you know, at the cash register. I didn't know what to say to him. This is right before Interstellar came out and I've never been a fan of Christopher Nolan's work. I actually think, like I said, I think he's just as responsible for the death of cinema as social media and bloated budgets. I said to him, I said, hey man, do better. He was like, what?

[00:02:19] And I, at that point, I couldn't even realize, I didn't, couldn't believe I'd said it out loud, but I did. I said, do better. He was like, how could I do better is what he said to me. And I said, hire a different writer, hire a different editor and maybe work with Rebecca Hall more. And he was like, oh yes, she's lovely, isn't she? And I said, well, she's a very talented actor. Let's be professional about this. And that was the end of our conversation. And I kind of regret it. Had I not been 20, you know, X years old, I would have probably not done it.

[00:02:47] But a buddy of mine who's a, you know, relatively well-known actor, he teases me about that to this day. And I joked with him at one point. I said, hey, let me ask you this. Did Chris Nolan win the Oscar before or after I said that? But that was just me being cheeky. Bro, you literally, you sunned Christopher Nolan that day. You sunned him. That has nothing on my battle with Kevin Smith. Oh God, here we go. Oh Jesus.

[00:03:17] Welcome, everybody, to the roast of Christopher Nolan. Are we doing this now? Let's do this now, man. I got some words. All right. For a guy who makes a movie about a film told in reverse chronological order, Nolan seems to be doing that same deal where he is evolving backwards for the worst. It's pretty hard to defend a Sound Mixing Award nomination when you can't hear anything over the blaring Foley.

[00:03:46] Are you not just having a dream? I wish I was having a dream. That brings me to Nolan's portrayal of Batman involves Bruce Wayne being smug and his alter ego having a raspy, smoking voice. Was there no other way to disguise this title character? No, I don't think.

[00:04:04] I think in all honesty, I think you look back at what Burton did with Keaton in the first two movies and he makes them like, he makes, you know, I'm Batman. Like that. More like a whisper. Yeah, more like a whisper. I'm Batman. But I mean, that's Nolan's way of paying tribute to, you know, Burton's thing. As far as we know.

[00:04:34] For an action director, it'd be great to actually see what's happening on screen. And I gotta say something else too. At this point, his movies are going to be so long that they're going to be co-written by Ken Burns. And we say that as fans. His movies are so long, they would be anti-biblical epics. Oh, well played. His movies are so long, they're known as Milton Berle films.

[00:05:03] You just see the chip, but you just take enough out enough to win. Oh, fuck. Nolan's first movie. His movies are so long, you see him coming and going. Oh! Just like a happy male. His movies are so long, they're produced by John Holmes. Oh! Nolan's first movie was Following, but it should have been known as Walk Away. Wow. Not a fan. I like some of his stuff, but I'm going to... Nolan... I've seen some bad ones.

[00:05:32] I heard Nolan and Darren Aronofsky are going to make a movie together. Oh, shit. No one knows what the hell it's about. Oh, fuck. Oh, man. Darren Aronofsky made Requiem for a Dream. And Christopher Nolan made Memento. So, if they put them together, it's Requiem for a Memento that nobody cares a shit about. Oh, fuck. Oh, buddy. Uh-huh. That's the last one. Okay, so Stanley Kubrick and David Fincher took multiple takes to get the perfect shot.

[00:06:00] Nolan can't get it right the first time. There you go. I got another one. Okay. What would happen if you combined Christopher Nolan and Michael Bay? Oh, The Last Jedi? No. No. That's totally a Nolan and Michael Bay. A slow explosion that lasts for four hours. Oh, no. What about Oppenheimer?

[00:06:30] I loved Oppenheimer. Huh. I loved it when it ended. Oh, man. I'm the worst. If Christopher Nolan remade Twister, it would just be everybody talking about it, but no one would see it coming. Many people dispute whether the ending of Inception is a dream or not based on how the dial stops spinning. They should really be disputing why it freaking matters.

[00:06:59] I saw Dunkirk and it was absolutely forgettable. I saw a meme retitling the film as Drunk Captain Kirk and I remember that random parody image far more. You know, I got to say about... How about... You know, I sound like Foster Brooks. You know what? You know what? You know what I got to say about the guy who made the bomb, Oppenheimer? Right. He should have just titled it, He Make Thing Goes Boom.

[00:07:29] Oh, my gosh. Yeah. He did Dunkirk. He was tripping and retitled Oberdunkirk. Oh, my gosh. Oberdunk. If he ever remade The Longest Day, it would be longer than The Longest Day itself. Okay, guys. We're mean. We can't help it. Good night, guys.

[00:07:59] Good night. Night in a row. Night in a row. See ya. So, we started the roast pretty quickly, but we still got some other people who would love to share their two cents. So, welcome, John, to the roast of Sir Christopher Nolan. Oh, yes. Oh, yes. The king of obnoxious sounds and mixing. Hey. Watching a terrible concert setup. I'm like, fucking word.

[00:08:29] Let me just say a little bit of trivia here from freaking Nolan. Basically, it's so hard to keep this with a straight face. He has the most bizarre rules on set. Just reading these pisses me off. Basically, his weird rules.

[00:08:51] I understand the no having your phones out, but you also can't have a chair or toilet in sight, to which I am like, fuck that. You gotta go. You gotta go. Yeah, you gotta go. If I don't have to concentrate on it, I don't care. But yeah, he is so against sitting in anti-bathroom, I would slap him in the face. I would. This is all from a Collider article from 2024.

[00:09:20] Hence why we played the earlier clip from another show I was on where someone talked about how he had basically roasted Nolan to his face saying, I can't fucking hear anything in Interstellar. He is so narcissistic that he even refuses to watch The Aviator. Really? Because he was apparently, yeah, trying to do a script for something like that and a lesson he carries with him on every project. I'm like, just watch the movie.

[00:09:50] James Cameron has already made a challenge to you. He's going to do something better than freaking boring Oppenheimer. You can't tell me he doesn't study both good movies and bad movies to make a good movie. He would make a movie that's just a holy mess like Janet. Yeah. So yeah, if you have any New York Friars Club style dishes or Comedy Central-esque roasts you would love to just unload.

[00:10:20] Let us hear it. I'm Chris Van Nolan. I have to make Batman sound like he has throat cancer. What? All the time. Yes, like this. All the time. That's why. And if I'm having to come up with theories as to it for something the filmmaker can't bother explaining, that's not good storytelling. Everyone is just like, he's doing a disguise himself. I'm like, didn't have a line where he says that. I actually hope it's rather than the distraction of all the way.

[00:10:49] He's a good Bruce Wayne. He's a very annoying Batman. Where is the family? The whole time it feels like he's doing a poor man's Jack Bauer. Where's the bomb? Where's the bomb? I dreamt singing at the end of the head. I'm going all my ears. I can't take it. Certainly going rises. Jesus Christ. Yeah. Let's not see any single fight.

[00:11:16] And then when you freeze frame it, it's like, wait, that stuntman who just got punched five seconds ago. He's still there upright in the next position in the other scene. I'm like, come on, man. No movies beyond scrutiny. But if that's how little you cared and you're being a call to master. No way, no, buddy. No way, no. They should have just had it be the fucking Riddler or Scarecrow coming back would have been amazing. But it was like, no, let's let's turn Bane into this real life Darth Vader.

[00:11:46] And everybody's just a mindless merc. Like, OK. Bane sounds like he's Sean Connery. Oh, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well. Well, you can't understand what the hell he's saying half the time. We're no professionals over here, but fucking hell, man. I at least remaster my sound before I put it in the can. Like, fix that shit before he goes with the Beatles. I hate to break it to you.

[00:12:15] The fact that there's certain shows that do that better and they only have a few weeks is kind of sad. That is sad. It's filmed for under a million. That's better? Jesus. He loves to rip off Seven and Heat so much. Everyone denies it. It's like, no, no, you know damn well he's watched everything in the 90s, practically. Well, particularly Dark Knight is especially just hammering off Michael May and the whole film. Yeah.

[00:12:44] Oh, Hannibal Lecter. We can't have him eating anybody, so let's just have him just, you know, spitting on people's faces and doing pencil tricks. I had to have a conversation on violence with people. It's just like, yeah, it's pretty close to being R-rated. It has no gore and it's psychological. That's some begging and it's fine. People can be shot, but they can't bleed. It's like, and that's what I hate about Rises.

[00:13:10] People are shot in point-blank rage on screen for more than a minute. It's like, there's the blood. There's the blood. The one thing if they were heavily armored and I couldn't see anything. This is point-blank range. Yep. Oh, man. Like, I know most people, like Sid Don't write, is the greatest comic book ever made, but I am not in that camera. I've always had a love-hate relationship with it.

[00:13:38] As time goes on and on, it's kind of a punching bag for me. And I'm like, it's fine, but it's not a good crime movie. And it's trying to be freaking Die Hard. It doesn't feel like a Batman movie. No. Oh. It's like, we can tell it's Chicago. That's just it. He's doing so realistic that he gets... I feel like there's just too many cooks. And at least begins... You have that annoying shaking hand for most of the movie, but you know why he's doing it.

[00:14:07] Because he's trying to make them be all mysterious. But at least there's a cool fight and explosion at the very end. At least with it begins. At least with Gotham, it looked like somehow a different version of Gotham. It wasn't just like with Rock Knight. It's just, oh, it's Chicago. It was interesting having to be kind of a corporate thriller at times. So I was like, okay, cool. Yeah. Could do without some of the stupid visions, but that's just what they were doing in the aughts. So. Oh, yeah. You should say like a Randy Savage. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

[00:14:39] It's like a Rises. It's... Oh, God. I can go into that one. Blah, blah. Oh, don't worry. He's going to outdo his stinky pile with fucking Odyssey. I know you and I are Greek mythology people, and everyone's already talking shit about the unconvincing armor before it's out. But I'm like, who wants to see this, really? No, no one. Unless you're like a die-hung, no one. And it's the only ones.

[00:15:05] I'm like, I'm already hating these casting decisions because these are such Oscar bait. It's like these people, no, that's not even how... Go with unknowns. It's easier that way. Yeah, because he has to have big actors to make money. I love Matt Damon. I don't want to see him in this role at all. No. It looks like a fucking Xena Hercules after school special. I don't... No, thank you. Which I'm like, life, but not this. I mean, there's a reason it's 30 minutes.

[00:15:34] It's camp for Saturday. That's it. I can only imagine Adrian Paul from Highlander is like, Hollywood, you're doing swordplay wrong. Again, Dennis Vinov and Spielberg will do a giant-ass production, and they are playing around with shots from everything. They love all kinds of movies. Every actor they have shows up to set knowing their shit.

[00:15:57] I don't see half the people they put in who vary by movie, like Paul Dono or Zendaya or whatever. Even Josh Brolin. I'm just like, those are actors just doing their job? He's keeping them in line. They're making him behave. And when I see Nolan, I'm like, yeah, that accent, it's on the nose there. That dude is so nuts, Sutter, and that guy is so nuts. Not a New Yorker. The guy's British for a reason.

[00:16:24] Just like Michael Caine, they don't even cover up in any of his Nolan movies. I'm like, yeah, he is not DiCaprio's dad. At all. Unless, maybe a stepdad. Yeah. Fuck you, Nolan, with a capital F. All right, what about, hey, Nolan says, no, you love Michael Basington. Let's try to be like him. Oh! I've always flirted with the idea. It's like, what would that look like exactly?

[00:16:53] Would the explosions in Inception be even more death-causing? What would a robot movie by Nolan look like? I'm afraid to find out now. Damn it. Probably very boring, I would imagine. Let's drag out this concept and have all these famous actors. For sure. We don't do a damn thing. I've encountered other guys who are like, I don't like mystery or action movies.

[00:17:21] And it's like, shut the front door. You have all these Hitchcock and Nolan movies in your catalog. He does it different. I'm like, it still doesn't make any less of the genre. That's like me saying I don't like comedy, but I watch Free Stooges. Come on, man. Call a spade a spade. I get this with other genre fans. I'll see people, I don't like zombies, but I've seen Army of Darkness. I'm like, what? I don't get that logic.

[00:17:47] You don't have to like it, but don't act like you've never seen anything by it. So, Nolan, do a silent Western. Maybe then I'll have some fucking respect for you. But you won't. Maybe do that clip that John Woo did. Maybe a silent movie. And maybe I'll actually like your film once. John Woo did a silent movie? Oh, nice. That's what I'm talking about. Oh! Ha ha ha. Ha ha. Ha ha ha.

[00:18:17] By the way, I didn't say it loud enough. Go fuck yourself, Nolan. Alrighty, so we are continuing the rest of the Nolan praise and disassociation. So you want me to talk about Christopher Nolan? Nolan. Ha ha ha. I will tell you the thing that I do whenever anybody brings him up.

[00:18:45] And I know I'm going all out here and I'm going over the top, but I don't care. I just sometimes get myself a little soapbox and I like to get on top of it and pound my fists and just be all self-righteous and full of indignation. So here's where I like to begin. Go get your shot, Nolan. Interstellar is a crime against humanity.

[00:19:15] And I will die on that soapbox. I swear to you, that is my passion. And he is a hack. And yes, the Batman movies are pretty good. But he keeps sneaking his freakish cult embodiment, earth-hating philosophy into his movies. And I'm happy to look like a psychotic nut on a rant when it comes to dear Christopher Nolan.

[00:19:45] And everyone's shocked. What the hell is he talking about? It is wild how they nominated for sound mixing when everyone who liked or hated it was like, and what's up with that sound mixing? Which one? With Interstellar. And you're like, what on earth are you talking about? Here's what tipped me off to Interstellar, and it took me a long time to watch it because I didn't want him to get any money, was that scene at the beginning with the school teacher where they pull that moon landing was fake bullshit. Yeah.

[00:20:15] And I was immediately like, something more is going, he's planting that for a reason. And then as a very, I feel like I said before, I like spiritual movies. And he's got this weird spiritual belief system in which transcendence of the physical is more important than doing things through your body, which is the only way we have anything to live with.

[00:20:42] And so the whole point of Interstellar ends with, fuck the earth. We can just leave it behind and move on through transcendence. And I'm like, this is what you spent how many hundreds of millions of dollars to try to propagandize people with? I hate it. Sorry. Okay, here you go. Is that funny? Thank you. Thank you very much. Is that funny?

[00:21:10] I think it's funny if I'm, if I'm, if I'm a lunatic about it. Sure. Why not? Oh, it sucked. The only thing I know about that film is I don't understand it. Good. Perfect. Perfect response. To space. In space. But he ends up behind somebody's bookcase. I have other dimensions. I have a friend at school who always jokingly says, I know Matt Damon's done good movies, but when he joins in later, it's generally not a great movie. So that's one of those movies.

[00:21:38] He's like, Matt Damon, you ruined the movie for being a bad guy. I think I've ever done that rant fully, like. Out loud, verbally, I've typed it many times. We're validating everybody here, dude. And again, I still have to tell everyone, you can do a roast on someone you like or don't like, or they can just be controversial. It doesn't matter. Just make it funny. What's his first movie called again? Following.

[00:22:07] No, the backwards one. Oh, that was the second. That was Memento. Memento. Memento. Great. You know, good movie. Batman movies. Okay. Except for the third. They're all right. Yeah. The last one was ass backwards. Oh. Oh, yeah. The ass backwards movie. I actually watched that too. I was like, what the hell? More of these.

[00:22:31] It kind of was a hot take if like, I think the Dark Knight's the best Batman movie, but that Batman Begins, I like more and think is way more fun and interesting to watch. I thought it went too far off the rails on the third one. Right. A bit. A bit. Plus, you got a character who's sound mixing. You can't even hear. So you're like, who is the Stark Vader wannabe? And why does he have all these birds blowing up Gotham?

[00:22:54] I'll say I always have to really admire anybody who loves movies, who has the wherewithal to acknowledge that this particular movie is to my taste more. But I recognize that some other movie that's not to my taste is actually higher quality. Like, if you're a real film buff, you can be able to say, hey, this movie is not my cup of tea, but it's a masterpiece. You know, I see so many people who just, oh, I didn't like it.

[00:23:23] So it sucked. That's not a true film lover. They're just very limited in diction. Mm-hmm. Very funny. Charlie, if you got to say that, it's just going to be a thing. I want to hear Christopher Nolan jokes. I typed out, but it was basically one that Cam said earlier of like, oh, hey, I watched a Christopher Nolan movie recently. It's a movie that's not linear.

[00:23:49] It's got a British guy who broods the whole time and a lady that doesn't really have anything to do at all. It is so wild how both these Scorsese are like some of the top filmmakers that kids and adults like, and yet they can't write women for jack shit. I've got something in there for that. And you're just like, how is a great actress?

[00:24:11] I know they're going to say yes because they want to work with him, but like kind of like when I was groaning when I saw Scorsese attached to doing a Disney movie with The Rock. I'm like, oh, what's happening here? Then I see that, yeah, by the time this is out, he will have done an Odyssey movie. And I'm like, let's not and say we did. Mm-hmm. You know that guy on YouTube who does the pitch meeting scenarios? Gil's favorite show.

[00:24:41] Yeah, those are so great. I can just totally see the Nolan pitch meeting for... We got to make it very loud. And there's got to be against a period. There's bound to be one he's done, probably. I have to cast Christian Bale because he's a very angry but impropitant. I want to make a movie about this scientist named Oppenheimer that's... Oh, he's very brainy and has no emotions. And he builds this thing that destroys everything.

[00:25:10] And it's going to be very technical and political. But no one will like it. So I'm going to shoot it like a music video. And I'm going to cut it really super fast and make everything close up. And then people will love it. Yep. That's the pitch meeting right there. And if not, they'll just go see Barbie that weekend. David Fincher called. He wants your cinematographers, Nolan. Yeah. I'm going to make Oppenheimer the music video.

[00:25:41] Oh, God. It would be... It would be just on loop. 24 hours long. I will give him a toast. He was wise enough during the various just Batman productions at Warner Brothers. And that includes Batman versus Superman. To tell the studio, John Peters, Mr. Me Too, you know, infamous producer is not allowed anywhere near that set.

[00:26:08] He is related there and is a producer credit only. So he does have standards. I don't think he's like Hitchcock. But he definitely has some of that same pretentious arthouse stuff. To where I am surprised he hasn't done a walk-on cameo. Like, see, I'm a bus passenger. See, I'm a railroad worker. I would at least respect him if he pulled a Tarantino and, like, he was like a railroad construction worker who got blown up or something. You know, that would be amusing. That would be a Jonathan Franks. That would be a Spielberg type thing.

[00:26:38] Do your walk-on cameos, Nolan. Now, I did joke about it earlier. I do think it's kind of a dick move of him that he does not allow cell phones on set. And he doesn't allow you to stand. So in that response, I say, I will not stand for it. Aria most hurt. It's me in the corner. I think he's got some other winners in him. But just stay away from sci-fi for now.

[00:27:08] Yeah, that would be good. The Odyssey? Maybe. Also, stop making war movies, Nolan. I couldn't tell any of those kids apart in Dunkirk. And I didn't much care. Oh, yeah. I didn't even try Dunkirk. I was like, hey, how about I rewatch that one World War I documentary by Ken Burns instead? It's a war film. And I like to watch war films. But I haven't tried that one yet. I'm not sure what was more intolerable. That or 1917. I was like, oh, how cool.

[00:27:38] It's in Out of Order. That's original. That's never been done before. And then 1917 is doing the whole, hey, see, guys? It's all in one shot. It's like, no, it wasn't. You can totally tell. The funny thing about 1917 is it's like, oh. Here's the pitch again. We're going to make a World War I movie that no kids care about at all. But we're going to shoot it like it's a first-person shooter video game. Yeah. It's Doom meets Saving Private Ryan. And oh, look, it's been in a cover batch.

[00:28:07] There's other movies I could watch with him in it that are better. Yeah. Doctor Strange. He's freaking Doctor Strange. My hero, Doctor Strange. I love Doctor Strange. I love Benedict Cumberbatch. He's played brilliant people. So automatically, I assume he's a smart guy. He's great. Plus, he's great. I guess I'm one of the Cumberbitches. Yeah. I am Benedict Cumberbatch. Yep. Yep. Don't forget Sherlock. Yeah.

[00:28:36] He's a fucking detective. He played Stephen Hawking and the WikiLeaks Julian Assange. He can do no wrong. Yeah. He's great. He fucked up the universe in Marvel and I still am okay with him for it. He just was basically doing us all a mercy killing. Thanos would have never been defeated if it wasn't for Doctor Strange. Basically. He was just like, I'm just going to save him from ourselves. Because he only had one choice. Right. That's right. I guess I'll make him lose with us instead of just blow ourselves up to no avail.

[00:29:07] Yep. There's something I think Mystery Science Theater should do is the Doctor Strange TV movie. Oh, yeah. That's a classic. They should. Did they do it? I think. No, they did Doctor Mordred. Oh, that's okay. That's what I'm thinking of. Knockoff movies. Which was basically Doctor Strange. Right. But made by the puppet master guys. Yep. It would be funny if Charles Band started imitating Christopher Nolan. Ny-ny-ny-ny.

[00:29:37] And then it's just one of the noises that one of his monsters is making. Can you imagine how hilarious it would be if Mystery Science Theater did a Christopher Nolan movie like Frickin' Tennant? Or even. And Joel stands up and says, slow the plot down. Riff Trax has done a couple of the bad rules. Yeah, they did Dark Knight. They should have done Rises. They did Inception.

[00:30:05] They should have done Tennant. I gotta see Inception then. And in fact, the funny part is when they did Godzilla in 1998, at one point when the first explosion ruptures out, they're like, oh, it's Inception. Run away. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It has kind of ruined sound mixing for me because I do admire it. In fact, in a way, so, okay, so there's a toast. Nolan has made me actually appreciate good sound.

[00:30:34] Something he should be more capable of. I've heard one of the complaints is his, like, music soundtrack and stuff overtakes the dialogue. Yeah. And Hans Zimmer, he's had this complaint before. Stop copy and pasting all your soundtracks from Pirates of the Caribbean and everything. Do something new. Instead of... Cam, do you have a film that you think has great sound mixing? I have one that I think is amazing. I'm curious about it.

[00:31:04] Probably Lords of Arabia. And I know I'm going to just sound like a geezer for that. And I know I've talked about it with Gil and Mike on here. But it's like, it really has a way of just... Just that music by Maurice Jarre is very Jerry Goldsmith-esque. And again, I'm hearing, you know, horses, you know, galloping and music and the exposition while they're riding. It's like, see, four things are happening all at once.

[00:31:30] And I can follow all of them without getting discombobulated and losing my place here in the place. I mean, you've got to really, really be just unengaged and not be able to follow Lords of Arabia. But it has really good sound mixing. Like, I can... The explosions don't overpower the music and vice versa. It's like... That's what it takes. Absolutely right. I love... No prisoners!

[00:32:00] When I was in high school, I used to have a friend who was a projectionist. And we would put a cassette recorder into the projector and record the audio. I had tapes of The Shining and Alien. Oh, man. And I would just listen to the movies. They were so amazing. But my favorite audio of all time, I think, in a movie is Apocalypse Now. Oh, yeah. That's pretty good. Oh, good. Dun, dun, dun, dun. Chopper's at the beginning, sure.

[00:32:29] Helicopters into ceiling fans into the doors. I mean, it's just awesome. And just anything. Like, it's hard to tell if that's part of the music or part of the Foley, but that's okay. Like, you're just involved. It's just reminding you. It's like, do not step away. Do not do anything else. Nope. Nothing else matters for these three and a half hours. Ride of the Valkyries.

[00:32:55] And how ironic, you know, a gleeful music during a horrific invasion. Hey, Thomas, did you have any jokes? For no one? I know you're going to really cause a shattering earthquake with whatever joke you do. I'll tell you this. Deception was the best two-thirds of a movie I've ever seen. Yeah. That third act, it didn't make any sense.

[00:33:25] That's why we should call it Deception. Yeah, okay. Yeah. Mad Magazine probably did. Yeah. Yes. Yeah, Christopher Nolan doesn't make long movies. But the only person who would make even a longer superhero movie would have to be Snyder. Yeah. Yeah, if anyone has a toast for Nolan, he has a great cast. I'll give him that. He made Cillian Murphy a bigger star.

[00:33:57] He made Christian Bill want to trash people's lights on every other movie he was on. Yeah. Or just basically his Batman was, we're going to do Val Kilmer, but with a sore throat. I'm Batman. Yeah. Well, at least he didn't do bad nipples. Yeah. Thank you, Chris, for having a definitely far more talented brother who's done good work

[00:34:22] on personal interest and the peripheral and Fallout and wrote the stories for Memento and the first two Batmans. Good work. Jonathan. That's why the third one wasn't so good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And Jonathan, good job. Could have done without your bastardized Westworld. But hey, we all have our misses. Good job, Chris, on making Heath Ledger depressed.

[00:34:54] Oh, that's the best I got for him. It is kind of a crow element where it does make you wonder, would anyone like it as much without the real life tragedy that overshadowed the movie? Just like. He really got into the character. Yeah. It was an amazing performance. Boo on Nolan for having your version of the Joker inspire one of your cousins to be a violent serial killer and inspire gunmen to shoot at screenings of The Dark Knight Rises and not saying anything about that.

[00:35:24] So. Oh, really? Interesting. I love how Morgan Freeman and Christian Bale went down to talk to survivors and he said fucking nothing. If that was Spielberg, the media would have had his ass. And yet, no, I'm British. I don't care. Nolan doesn't make movies. He makes homework assignments with a Hans Zimmer soundtrack. Watching one of his films feels like being trapped inside a TED Talk delivered by a physics textbook.

[00:35:54] Every time someone says love in a Nolan movie, you can hear him angrily whisper, make it more theoretical. Yeah, it is very passive aggressive the way they say that. I love you. His idea of humor is a character explaining a paradox for 14 minutes instead of saying, whoops. Nolan doesn't write female characters. He writes emotional Wi-Fi signals for sad men.

[00:36:23] Oh, yeah. Sad songs they sing. He films dialogue like he's actively trying to win a war against subtitles. If you walk into a Nolan movie 10 minutes late, congratulations, you've missed the part that might have made sense. Right. That says a lot. True. I also find it hard to believe that he's ever had sex after seeing the awful sex scene in Oppenheimer.

[00:36:52] I'm like Florence Pugh and her plastic surgery ridden breasts. And I want to make love. It's like, that's not. No, stop. When people want to fuck. You totally made my day because I walked out of that movie after about 30 minutes and I didn't know there was a sex scene. So I feel even better now. My sister was with one of her friends and her friends covered her eyes. She's like, what, Miranda? I can handle anything. She's like, no, you can't.

[00:37:21] There's a big explosion in that movie and it wasn't the sex scene. It wasn't in the bedroom. No. His plots don't twist. They tie themselves into a PhD thesis and dare you to untangle it. It would be funny if someone taught memento in school and then said, yeah, like if a teacher deliberately fucked with the students who were late, you missed it. You got to come back after class and watch it. But we just sold this scene. No, no, you didn't. You came in late.

[00:37:50] What's the difference? The man treats time the way other directors treat lighting. What if we just bend it until the audience cries? And finally, even his explosions feel like they have tenure. They're a character. I am tempted to see what Bryan Singer, Michael Bay and Christopher Nolan mishap would have been. I have to give Gill a hand. Those were. Yes. Well done. Well done.

[00:38:20] I said it is true. I will see people who fucking hate action movies and I'll see them see a Nolan movie. I'm like, OK, you don't hate action movies. If he does it. It's let me in your face moments with the ground shaking and explosions. It's also weird when you realize how half the people you feel sorry for are actually bad people. It's like, oh, yeah, the bank manager, William Fichtner, plays in the first five minutes of Dark Knight is technically laundering money for the mob.

[00:38:49] So it's just a homage to heat. In a better world, Don LaFontaine would still be here. That's true. In a world. Can you imagine him saying that? Nolan's going to be like, you're doing too overdramatic. I don't want this to be like one of Arnold Schwarzenegger's movies. Oh, too bad. In a world where Batman doesn't suck. That's it, gang. But so, Robert, I know you're retired, but do you have anything else that you're going

[00:39:19] to or looking forward to or any other projects friends are working on? Oh, it's the pitch time. No, yeah, I'm still like working on a script project with a friend that's long, long delayed in completion. Charlie, do you have anything you're working on? What team are you covering at your sports paper? We have 16 high schools we cover in Northwest Iowa and playoffs started tonight for the smaller schools and girls basketball. So lots of playoff stuff.

[00:39:46] And then I am obviously not working on any movies, but I guess if one's coming out soon, I am excited to see.