Star Wars Humor

[00:00:00] This podcast is a production of Unfiltered Studios. If you would like to know more about joining Unfiltered Studios, please visit our website at unfpod.com for more information.

[00:00:58] Welcome all. Once again, May the 4th be with you. So, again, this has been a little running, and I wanted to just kind of give a final pleasant send-off to Star Wars. You're going to have a hysterical Star Wars vs. Star Trek special later this month, but I'm just like, we did so many great chats, we've got to repackage them. We've got to bring you some of the great ones, as well as the standalone ones. So I thought, hey, let's just have an intro to the Star Wars humor.

[00:01:26] And so we were just talking about other roles that the actors were in, but ultimately it was also just funny little tropes. Like, what happened to that one guy who got knocked out by that one character? What happened to this part of the Death Star? What happened to this planet or this other little issue that's with George Lucas and company's writing and creation that didn't make it on screen, but it's known in the canon and the folklore with the fan base.

[00:01:53] So we had a blast. We just couldn't help ourselves. We had to show not only our fandom, but why Star Wars has only made us just get better as comedic actors, let alone podcasters. We just love just joking about little tropes, little cliches, but it's all in love. So you love Star Wars, you came to the right place. We're going to make everybody happy with just nonstop humor. So enjoy an hour of this discussion, my dudes.

[00:02:23] Well, I take that last part. It might not be an hour. Alrighty, alrighty. Here we are once again, another all-star cast assembling the best roles of the Star Wars. Who's better, Haunter Indy? Haunter Indy. Oh, man. Just open the black hole of the internet. That's it. It's done. I'm not afraid to go on record. Indiana Jones. Would you say Detective Deckard from Blade Runner? I don't know if he would be in the...

[00:02:53] Oh, you think him versus the other two? I don't know about that. I mean, he can handle replicants. I think he can handle... What if he was a replicant? He's definitely the smartest of the books. I am the replicant. Which version of Blade Runner are we watching? There's about 37 versions. I mean, he looks more interested there than in the Star Wars sequels, so I don't know. Just 180. Can I put Jack Ryan from those Tom Clancy movies as well? I don't know. Oh, hell yeah. Clear and present danger in Patriot Games?

[00:03:23] He's got some serious wrestling moves in those. If we're doing all of those, we have to include the old guy from 42 as well. If we're just putting our support together. Not fair. Then we've got to include Hollywood homicide. He doesn't stand much of a chance, but would you not pay to see that? No. We'd better put his character from Anchorman in there. I don't know.

[00:03:51] Only if I'm allowed to put in his Expendables character. Oh, yes. What was the name? Church in that? Or was that Bruce Willis? No, no. He replaced Bruce Willis. He replaces Bruce Willis. We decided, Mr. Church, we've had enough of him. Yeah, he's out of the picture. Bruce Willis did 11 of those garbage movies in two years from that company where he gets his lines fed to him and he just says his lines and walks off. He was okay to do those, but he just couldn't come back for Expendables, right? He wanted too much money. Too much money.

[00:04:21] But the irony was Stallone also works for that same company. Oh, does Stallone in that? That's what he did those Escape Plan movies for. Oh, nice. Nice. Yeah, here on the show, we got J-Man. How are you? Good. How are you? Thanks for having me on. Very good. Very good. We got Luke Geisler and Trevor Savart from Barely Critical. Hello. Hello. We're going to be Barely Critical. Just Barely. That sounded like you were doing a Harrison Ford impression right there.

[00:04:50] If you want a hot take, we will give you approximately 23% of one. Just Barely. Very warmed over take. Yes. A negative plus one. Now, Dylan Shea Schlinner, how are you? Dylan from Reels of Justice. Happy to be here. Happy to be here. Reels of Justice. So we take the ultra critical line because movies can only be good or bad on our show. The Yang. Yes. The Yang to our Yang.

[00:05:19] Yes, that's right. Working with the Mads themselves, Trace Bilyeu and Frank Ghaniff. Ah, that's right. Frankie C and Trace, the good guys, good friends. You know, they come on the show every once in a while. The ultimate Michael Bay haters. Oh, yeah. But Frank Ghaniff came out to prosecute the Dark Knight. That was amazing. Like, he really went for it. Not Rises, but the middle. No, no, no. Not the Dark Knight. Yeah, not Rises. Rises, he probably would have won. But he went for the Dark Knight.

[00:05:48] He went for the throw. It was fun. All right. So we got another guest on here, John Reed from 30-something. Hey, guys. How's it going? Everybody hear me okay? Yes. You sound great. A voice for radio. Yes. Yeah, and a face for one, too. Careful now, guys. Come on. We got plenty of voice actors to prosecute in this session here. Oh, God. That's true, isn't it? That's so big lock. Apologies. Apologies for running a few minutes late.

[00:06:16] You are quite all right. It's a podcast. No one would have known. No, there wouldn't have. My son and I, we had our own adventure in the car on the way over. I picked him up from his high school, and I was driving him back. And there's a pickup truck in front of us, and they must have hit a pothole or something. And one of the rear tires just flew off and went up into the trees. No, no, no, no. See, that's a pod racer. It looked like it. That's a free time. I thought of pulling over if I didn't think I'd get stuck in the ditch, too.

[00:06:45] I thought of pulling over and just rolling down the window and being like, hey, if you try spinning, that's a good trick. Right. I can loan you my land speeder to see if his dad gets in and be like, really? I'm changing the tire here. Get out of here. That's great. That's working great. Let's boogie. Let's party. Boogie, boogie, boogie. I'm going to just highlight a few actors, and everyone can just chime on in. And any that my stupid ass forgot to name, you can feel free to insert as well.

[00:07:12] And so let's start off with Mark Hamill. But, I mean, if anyone's seen Corvette Summer, Big Red One, or even his junky sci-fi films like Slipstream or Time Runner, check them out. He's also the cop who dies at the beginning of Sleepwalkers. He's a psycho in the Michael Dudikoff movie, Midnight Ride. So he had it figured out. Yeah, but Mark Hamill would go on to have a pretty successful voice acting career, most famously. A little bit.

[00:07:42] The Joker in Batman the Animated Series. His voice is the definitive Joker for a whole generation. He's even briefly on Sequest and one of the Wing Commander games. So, I mean, yeah. Oh, see, when you said voice acting, I thought you were going to go straight for the Biker Mice from Mars. Oh, there's a reference. Actually, I was thinking more of his Simpsons cameo as well. I was definitely one of the first cartoon versions I saw him in Post-Joker. But he's briefly on Criminal Minds.

[00:08:11] He's got starred in Mount Shuck and a bunch of other ones. But when I got to Kingsman, I was like, oh, my God. He's in this. I saw that, too. And he's just like a professor role. I don't even remember seeing him in Kingsman. Yeah, he's like in the first scene. He's the guy who the bomb is planted in. But, yeah, it's a very non-Mark Hamill role. He only has like little subtleties, like when he's first entering. He's like, hello. Yeah, barely has any lines, but they got Mark Hamill to do that.

[00:08:41] I'm sure he had fun. If we had an actor, we needed to blow up. Who would it be? Who would it be? He'll work for a sandwich, so let's get him on board, you know? So many car crashes and I got put up with this shit. Man, it's not cool. You guys ever heard the... He was the priest, right? Was he the priest in Village of the Damned? Yeah, he does like a mind meld and then gets blown up. And obviously, he does spoofing role Cockknocker in Jay and Silent Bob. Yes, Cockknocker.

[00:09:11] Yeah, Cockknocker. Yes, that's right. So, I mean, what won't he be in, you know? It's kind of interesting that he never really became like a big movie star, though. You know, like he never had anything that even came close to being Luke Skywalker again. I guess that would be a common theme tonight. He was Luke Skywalker with blue milk dripping down his face. You know, there's always that image. Oh my God, stop. Oh, hey, we're talking about non-Star Wars movies. This is true.

[00:09:43] We don't need to talk about Last Jedi. Oh man, I wouldn't want to talk about any of them. Man, that new trilogy was bad. That was painful. Oh, hate a discussion, man. No, I'm just kidding. To be fair, I hate all three equally. I'm not picking or choosing. They're all trash, you know? Oh, yeah. Especially, you know, in Star Wars, you had that perfect sequel trilogy in the Timothy Zahn books with Admiral Thrawn. It was right there. You had the blueprint. And Disney threw it all away. And this is what we get.

[00:10:13] And yeah, Disney disowns the expanded universe. And you're like, why? Everything is there. It's golden. Hey, there's still hope for Shadows of the Empire that could still be canon if they say the word. You know, they haven't messed it up so bad that we can't still have Shadows of the Empire. It's all good. I think the fans have spoken enough to where Kathleen Kennedy is like, I'm going to silently walk away and give it to someone else. Oh, boy. I guess we'll see. You want it? You can have it. You just have to produce my next 10 shit fest. Yes.

[00:10:41] Just on a positive note, I think, has anyone watched the show Nightfall on Netflix? Yeah, he's great in that. Yeah, I just thought, man, you know, Hamill, he just looks like Gandalf there with his fine ass beard. And I'm like, but he's basically Obi-Wan. But he's playing a fictional knight during the 14th century. And I'm just like, this is a fun show that just doesn't get talked about enough. But I was just so happy when he was on a random talk show not too long ago and they showed a clip from that. I was like, awesome.

[00:11:10] For once, he's not talking for the billionth time about Star Wars. He's promoting new stuff. You catching the Lator in the Masters of the Universe, the new one? Yeah. I wondered where I heard that voice. I was like, of course it's him. It's Kevin Smith's director. That was one of those that I'm listening to it. I'm like, wait a minute. That's got a little bit of, there's a little Joker in there. I recognize the Allstate guy and Tony Todd, but I didn't recognize him at first. I was like, oh, okay, of course it's him. It's him. He actually did utilize him.

[00:11:40] That's good. I think everyone likes Mark Hamill too. You don't hear stories about him being a jerk or anything like that really. You know, he seems like he's a good guy. His biggest ongoing roles in Star Wars has been Twitter. That's totally the best way to sum it up. Oh my God. What are our favorite roles of Carrie Fisher? Oh boy. Oh man. I got to say my 100% favorite Carrie Fisher role.

[00:12:03] She had a guest spot on 30 Rock where she was an older comedy writer from kind of like the Watergate era and Liz Lemon kind of looked up to her. And then it turns out like her whole life was a mess at the end. And she was really funny in that. It was really good. I think I do remember that vaguely. And my sister was lining up. Oh, my icon. And then Jack Donaghy's character, he says, never go with a hippie to a second location. You know? Yes.

[00:12:33] I like Baldwin, man. Yeah. When he's hot, he's hot. Right? Isn't it wild though how she just rewrote so much dialogue for female characters, most notably Renee Rousseau in any of her movies. I was like, that's interesting. You know? I've heard the rumor that in that overrated Spielberg movie, Hook, that at one point when they pass over the bridge, that's actually George Lucas and Carrie Fisher.

[00:13:01] I read the same exact thing because, again, I'm sitting here thinking of like Carrie Fisher and other movies. Where's Carrie Fisher been in other movies? And then I saw Hook and I was like, I don't remember seeing her at all in Hook. And I looked up and that's exactly what I saw. I'm just like, that's okay. And she was just credited as kissing woman on bridge. I was like, okay. I have no idea what you're talking about, but okay.

[00:13:29] Because we go on our podcast, we go year by year. And so we've hit a bunch of them lately where she's been, you know, roles that maybe I saw her a long time ago, but you know. The Time Guardian. The Time Guardian. The Harry Met Sally. The Burbs. The Burbs was definitely the first one I saw her in. Man with One Red Shoe. The first time, because as a little kid when I would watch other movies other than Star Wars on the occasion that I did watch anything other than Star Wars, one of the first times

[00:13:55] I ever remember watching a movie and seeing another actor from Star Wars in another movie be like, holy crap. That's Princess Leia. Was when she plays Jake's girlfriend in the Blues Brothers. And that and House of Powers were where I realized, man, she's really fucking funny. Yeah. Just does all these cameos sometimes as herself and you're just like, yeah, I totally buy it. And yeah, her colorful life is just in and of itself pretty funny. And I mean, she did pretty good on that one sitcom catastrophe before it got canceled.

[00:14:25] But I just loved how it was kind of a mirroring of her crazy life. She seems to be just like in random. Like I'm looking her up because I remember seeing her in lots of movies like here and there. Like, oh yeah, there's Carrie Fisher. But never like where it's like, oh yeah, you know, she's in this whole movie. Like she was in Amazon Women on the Moon. I've seen that movie a hundred times. That's what I can't exactly remember. A hundred times, damn. I've seen it like, let's say 20 times or whatever. He runs the wiki. Yeah.

[00:14:56] And it's like, yeah, she's in that. It's like, oh yeah. I mean, she just pops up here. It's like Mark Hamill where, you know, you know for sure that, oh yes, he's in that movie. Definitely. Right. Like Carrie Fisher, you have to be reminded sometimes. You're like, oh yeah, I forgot she was in the Burbs. Right. Yes. You know. And it took one a while to remember. It was like, oh, Postcards from the Edge. You know, that was inspired by her life. Oh yeah. She's been, she's in a ton. I'm like, just like. Just so much writing and producing.

[00:15:23] And sometimes just like you say, just a miscellaneous voice or you hear her voice and then you see her on screen. You're like, oh, of course. Pretty invaluable. And I just like how her daughter is also pretty active on the acting scene. Carry on the legacy. Yeah. Let's talk Billy Dee. Oh, Two-Face, man. That was, oh man. What should have been. He should have been in forever. I would have loved to have seen that. Yeah. Would have been better than any of the direct radio shit he did around that time.

[00:15:55] Undercover Brother. That was a good movie. Right. So many cameos. I loved how he appeared, I think, on 70s show. They're like, hey, what else is Lando doing? I'm like, oh my God. Don't even start. Very famously, the spokesman for Colt 45. Yeah, baby. That was in a Ross romance. He does not like that part of his legacy. I've read that he won't sign Colt 45 merchandise or anything and he does not like talking about it.

[00:16:25] Oh. It works every time. Yeah, it works for him too. It works for him too. So it's so wild too how he just would appear in some of the, you know, he does Brian's song and then does just a bunch of blaxploitation films like The Hit and The Take and then follows it up with various other just, you know, crime fillers. He just was often playing the cool detective. And then, you know, Star Wars comes along, you know, and he's already done with Diana Ross and all that other stuff.

[00:16:53] And I think Nighthawks doesn't get talked about enough either. That's a fun precursor to Lethal Weapon in 48 Hours. Yeah, another one in that mold he did was called Number One with a Bullet, which is another one of those kind of like buddy detective movies. Canon Films, man. Yeah. Oh, dude. I could talk forever about Canon Films. Oh, totally. Don't you love the scene where he's just talking some shit and then each time he's like, oh, never mind. I'm just talking to myself. Yeah.

[00:17:20] Again, good action, you know, like that's what those movies, that's what those movies were about. And he had, he had the look for it, you know what I mean? He looked like a guy who was tough, but smooth, you know, it was a tough balance. Yeah. One thing I also appreciate with Billy Dee is both of the Lego movies that came out recently. In the original, he voices Lando. And then in the Batman Lego movie, he voices Two-Face. Yeah. Totally great. We get both iconic 80s movies. Yeah. Yeah.

[00:17:47] The funny thing with the Lego Batman movie is, again, me and my dear friend Luke here, we went to go see it in theaters because what else are we going to do with our days? And we're standing in line and notice we're surrounded by women in their 40s. And we're like, these are a lot of women who are going to see the Lego Batman movie. And one of them turns to us and is like, you know, this is for Fifty Shades Darker, right? And Luke gasped.

[00:18:15] Like, he just heard something terrible and goes, sinners. I mean, to be fair, we should have been like, you know, aware that there's a line for the Lego Batman movie. That should have been our first cue. Something was awesome. They could have just hit a demographic. There's only so many jokes you can remember, right? You're going to have to watch them 10 dozen times just to pin it down. Those films are cinema sins.

[00:18:44] It's like it's a sin against cinema. So, yeah, you're not too far off. Peddling smut in our theater. It wasn't even anything. Dave, I was like, I saw the shades of gray. Oh, not just smut. It's got to be Lego smut. That'd be all over on a market. Oh, my God. If you, just when you thought Hinty wasn't enough. Are you horny, but also love just putting bricks together? Do we have to film for you? Hollywood, here we come.

[00:19:14] You want to see bricks going into holes? Oh, jeez. Yeah, Billy Dee Williams. I'm glad we talked to him. Billy Dee Williams and Lego porn. I've seen a bunch of his shit. He was really cool as Gibbs' retired friend recently on NCIS. But the last time I saw him was when I was just scrolling randomly through Redbox back when DVDs and Blu-rays were still the rage. And there's this movie there called Bloodlines.

[00:19:43] It looks like a poor man's version of The Wire. And there he is on the cover with a slum face. I'm like, oh, that can't be good. I've got to see this. It's on Tubi now. So that's definitely the place where it's best to see it, as opposed to pay five bucks to one. It's like a Maverick home entertainment movie. Well, you know what's something I think we're going to find in common with a lot of the actors and actresses we're talking about tonight? Is how they did a lot of guest spots on TV shows.

[00:20:13] What are those TV shows? Yeah. Billy Dee Williams had a great guest spot on the show White Collar. He played an ex-con. I'm glad someone remembers that. Yeah. Yeah. And, I mean, first of all, White Collar is a pretty decent show. You know, it was that early 2010s aesthetic from USA. You know, kind of at the end of, like, Monk and Psych and Burn Notice. My sister denies that she had a Matt Bomer crush. I know that's a fucking... Everyone has a Matt Bomer crush. Everyone does. Hey, geez. The guy's impossibly handsome. None of us stand a chance. You know, sonny?

[00:20:42] She stopped watching Chuck when they killed him. Actually, we do stand a chance. The guy, he is a homosexual, you know, so. So we'll be okay. Good for him. Yeah. There's nothing wrong with that. No, no, there's nothing wrong with it. I'm just saying we actually do have a shot is all I mean. There we go. But anyway, my point is with Billy Dee Williams, he plays, like, an ex-con who's coming back to this, like, part of town where one of Matt Bomer's friends lives.

[00:21:12] And he is kind of like him, only old now, right? So you can kind of see, like, the track of his life. He'll kind of end up like Billy Dee Williams or he can go a different way, you know? So it's a neat little episode. He's going to be like me. Do as I say, not as I do. Well, no, he wants to be like Billy Dee Williams is impossibly cool the whole episode. Again, he's super slick and super cool all the time. It's got to be in his contract, you know? I got to rewatch it. That's great. I love Lando as a kid, though. Like, I thought he was so cool. He had a cape and he ran Cloud City.

[00:21:41] And at a time, he redeems himself while Han, you know, had he not been, had that one final argument with Luke would have totally taken his money and just let Luke probably die at the Death Star. Yeah. Yeah. And Billy Dee, I mean, he was doing it for his city. So you could understand that brief traitorish angle, you know? Well, he's got to run that entire establishment. He can. He's got to look out for everybody. He's both a pimp and a politician, man. You got to earn your business, man.

[00:22:10] You know, the novels, too, the expanding universe that Disney would ultimately throw out, like the authors love playing. Sorry. The authors love using Lando. He's prominently featured in the Zahn trilogy. He's prominently featured. I think it's, was it K.W. Anderson who does the Jedi trilogy after the Thrawn trilogy? Kevin W. Anderson is amazing. And he wrote some great X-Files novels and plenty of other stuff. But he and Timothy Zahn, I mean, just, and plenty of other guys just do so good at just,

[00:22:39] you felt like they knew it better than anybody else. Yeah, they did. And those two trilogies were such a good one-two punch. And Lando figures prominently in both of them because he's, I mean, he gets some development in the movies, you know, but like, he's not the main focus. So he's a fun character to play with. So you have to imagine that Billy Dee was hoping they would adapt those. I always wished at Return of the Jedi, he could have just stolen away that Falcon. Oh, that would have been great, wouldn't it? He was supposed to die, though. I think he was supposed to die and then they had to reshoot her or whatever because people were not happy. Damn you, Lucas.

[00:23:09] Yeah, I wouldn't have been happy with Lando dying. That's what I said. He's, yeah, like, he's like, oh, he goes, I have a feeling I'm never going to see her again. And he was, they were supposed to blow up and then they're like, screw you up. What did I have? Some embarrassingly bad, so cut to bad slow motion, Celine Dion's, my heart will go on plays. And in that first cut of the movie, that yeehaw when he flies out of the Death Star, it's way different when he doesn't make it. He doesn't make it.

[00:23:39] Oh, God. And how about the fact that he almost dies in the Sarlacc pit and just basically froze another guy to his dead by just walking backwards? He's got my leg. Yeah, he's a cool ass dude. And no amount of bad movies can shield him from just as awesomeness, even before you put the Star Wars hat on. He's just too cool. Well, you know, he's not the reason the movies he's in are bad either. You know what I mean? Yeah. That's a good one.

[00:24:09] He's just slick and awesome. Exactly. Some people have that immortality, and he's just one of those, even when he was playing himself in just funny guest spots, everyone's like, I want to see more of him. He's just too cool a person as and outside of acting to just, I was like, nah, I got nothing bad to say about you, dude. And he's, like you say, he's cool. He's forever Lando. Anytime I come across, whether it's on Tubi or whether I was staying up way too late at night and came across a movie that he happened to be on, Inner Monologue always

[00:24:39] has the Lando voice. And I see he's in a movie, I'm like, hello, what have we here? I don't know if anybody else does that, but the moment I see Billy Dee Williams in a movie, I'm like, hello. Hello. You truly belong here among my DVD collections. Yes, you do. Yes, you do. So I love how the Porkins actor and some of the other Imperials have also often played German officers in the Indiana Jones movies.

[00:25:10] And I mean, anytime I see them now, I just like, hey, it's that guy, it's the guy from the Lucas camp, you know. Lucas camp. Or shall I say Spielberg camp? I don't know. They work together. They work together. But I think if I'm not mistaken, I think Porkins is also in Batman. I think, isn't he the henchman who shoots someone or something? He is, shoot, what's his character's name? He's the corrupt cop. That's who I'm thinking of. Yeah. So there you go.

[00:25:41] There's a bunch of connections to the first Tim Burton Batman. That was Eckhart, right? No. Was that Eckhart? Yeah. That would have been amazing. Think about the future. It turns from Billy Dee to Aaron Eckhart. That would have been amazing. Been drinking Drano, Knox? Yeah, drinking Drano, yeah. Oh my God. All right. So let's be honest. Alec Guinness is basically the first folklore we ever saw him in was in Star Wars. Absolutely.

[00:26:09] Even before you get to David Lean's epics, you know, Bridge on the River Kwai and, you know, Lawrence of Arabia or even, you know, Tinker Taylor Soldier Spy miniseries. Like, the dude is just too cool for school. To think that he had just such a miserable experience making it and yet. Yeah. I think he was, he didn't like that people like really only knew him from that. And he's like, I was in Lawrence of Arabia and all this. And it's like, and Star Wars was the big thing.

[00:26:35] But I think, I think had it gone on long enough, like with him, he would have been okay with it. Like eventually these actors become okay with it because you have to think there's so many actors that get no work or that are never remembered for anything. It's better to have at least some sort of legacy and, you know. And I think the mature ones eventually figure out, hey, you hated working on it, but, you know, it's a good movie. So yeah. Like, would you rather got paid? He's good in it. Yeah. Yeah.

[00:27:06] Plus he got paid a lot of money for it. So like, yeah, what can you complain about? It's not. That is what he said. He's like, I got paid so much money. I'm, I'll, it's good. You know, it's good. I'm all good. Life is good. Life is good. Oh man. You know, one of my favorite movies that he did do, we recently did on Reels of Justice was the late, the original Lady Killers. If you've ever seen that. Yeah. Yeah. 1955.

[00:27:32] Or if you've ever seen the remake, he plays the, the Tom Hanks character, the professor who's masterminding the whole thing. And I tell you what, he just looks so like evil and shifty, but he's still very polite and gentlemanly. So it's a great juxtaposition. And he just knocks that role out of the park, especially. Yeah. He owned the deceptiveness factor. It was just like, yeah, this, that's totally why he was casted.

[00:27:57] He has the innocent face of a man who's, you know, anything but that, you know. Yeah. And he had all the, all the etiquette and everything. Like when he was talking, uh, the, the old lady who's the, that would, the lady who would be killed in the Lady Killers is Mrs. Wilberforce. The lady who would be killed. Yeah. He just has a great line where they're trying to scare her saying that she'll be implicated in the crime and he goes, we won't let them get you, Mrs. Wilberforce. You know, it's just, it's just impeccably delivered. He has that.

[00:28:27] And there's this other spy novel that he did. That's an adaptation. I forget. It's like from like, I don't know, 47 or something like that. But yeah, I mean, like you say, a lot of his roles do, he just knows how to enter a scene. Just the staging is just impeccable. And, uh, even a passage to India, one of David Lean's final movies. He's also has another brief role in despite the brownwashing in that, but he, he's just

[00:28:55] really, I mean, I can't blame him for even wanting to do all these various ambassador roles or fatherly figures. And like you say, anti-hero or polite villain. It's just cause he just had that kind of range to him and that's why he often landed him. Yeah. He brought credibility to any role he took. You know, I think that's one of the things that actually helped Star Wars so much is that, uh, Obi-Wan is immediately a credible kind of figure, you know?

[00:29:25] Cause if you think about all the characters you've met up until you meet Obi-Wan, you know, like uncle Owen is pretty stilted. Luke is kind of whiny. And then the movie gets serious when you meet, I mean, don't get me started on C-3PO and how annoying he is. Oh dear. Oh no. Oh dear. And then I just. I love C-3PO though. There's a guy who does these breakdowns of characters. He did a three hour breakdown on a C-3PO character and the importance of that character in the Star Wars trilogy.

[00:29:54] It's amazing. Three hours? Four hours? He breaks down. He basically is the emotional. I always found Daniels to be a snob in interviews where he acted like he hated working on all of these movies. And yet that's all everyone remembered him for. I met him and, um, he was really kind to me and we talked for quite a while and I was at a. But not to Kenny Baker. Not, no, no. Oh yeah. You dwarf. Get out of my way. You never hear about that. I was like, damn dude, you're such a prick.

[00:30:25] Dude is nearly suffocating to death being in a hot, you know, robotic suit. You're just wanting to trip him. We can't not talk about Warwick Davis, man. Well, yeah, maybe we can. Let's go to the next guy. What about Willow? A leprechaun. A leprechaun. But I mean, I'm sorry. Just Willow is just immortal. So, uh, how about Dennis Lawson? Doesn't it blow your mind that Ian McGregor's, uh, granddad or uncle?

[00:30:53] Is Dennis Lawson, is Wedge and Tilly's in the original Star Wars movies. You know, Wedge, another character who got a lot of love in the, uh, expanded universe. And that was thrown away. I don't even think he's in the new trilogy. Is he even in the new trilogy? I think for a split second along with the guy who plays the Mon Calamari guy, you know, Admiral Ackbar. It's a trap. But yeah, it's annoying because they're just literally recreating camera angles to where

[00:31:20] they might as well have just used archive footage instead of just shooting new shit. And it's like, oh man, he is, uh, he's got like a two seconds scene in, um, uh, was it Rise of My Blood Pressure? Yeah. He's in Rise of Skywalker. I was in Rise of My Blood Pressure. Yeah, now he gets the votes. Get out of here. You'll kill up in a night. That's great. That's fucking great.

[00:31:49] Oh man. Uh, but, uh, but he, he's mainly stuck to just doing like international TV, but I just would always light up when I would see him in one of those, there was this one show that kept coming on A&E called, uh, Horatio Hornblower based on the actual, the colonial wars back in the day. And he would show up in there and he just really stood his ground. And I was like, you know what? What an underrated actor, but I can see why he's stuck to kind of doing a lot of theater and just British television.

[00:32:19] It's just, was his shtick. And, um, in all fairness, that's pretty much what most of George Lucas's casting pretty much consisted of. Cast people, you know, get crew members who worked on documentaries and hire people who worked in TV in England. That's where the real acting is. It worked for Hellraiser. All that Shakespearean blood. It's really doing them well. Yes. Yeah. We lived in, we actually lived in England for a few years and that's where I used to

[00:32:46] see him was, we used to, we'd be flipping through channels and there'd be some like BBC TV show. Coming to PBS. Yeah. He's playing some cop or inspector or cause every British show has always an inspector. Yep. And wouldn't you trust him if you were an inspector? You know, my favorite thing about him is, and I, I thought maybe it was one of those besides everything. Uh, and I thought maybe it was like one of those alternate universe Berenstain bear kind

[00:33:13] of things was when I was a kid and star Wars was pretty much dead. Um, there had been nothing, nothing had come out for years. And so my dad got me an audio book of air to the empire. And I'm like, wait, what is this? There's new star Wars. And he's like, yeah, here's a couple of cassettes. It's an audio. I found it at the bookstore. You listen to it. You'll have fun. And so I listened to it and it had Dennis Lawson reading the audio book. And I was like, I love this audio book.

[00:33:42] Well, so then I have it, but the tapes are kind of worn out. There's sitting in a drawer somewhere. And so then I went to go download it off of audible or somewhere like that a little while ago. It's a completely different person reading the story. I'm like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I got to have no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I'm, I'm used to wedge reading this. It's not right unless wedges. So now I'm going to try to, I'm trying to eBay these cassette tapes to find the That's not what Thrawn sounds like. Thrawn doesn't know.

[00:34:13] That's a way better book. I will have to check those out because I, the most I had, I mean, I read a bunch of those books. I even read rogue squadron books and obviously would go over to a friend's house and played the rogue squadron video games. And I think he reprised those roles if I'm not mistaken, but, or they had a good sound alike or archive foot sound effects of them. But you just realize how invaluable a person wedge is. This is like, this dude is literally commanding an entire fleet and just second in command to a Jedi guy.

[00:34:43] You know, that's an invaluable role. And he just looks so confident in inside, you know, what is basically a closed off set, you know, pretending to pilot a ship, which I can't say about everyone else, you know, it was like half the time they look no less uncomfortable than the, what the actors on the prequels looked at where they just weren't used to blue screens or being on a giant, you know, England set, you know? Well, that was what was great about the EU is because you get a character like wedge and

[00:35:12] pretty much the only thing he ever said was look at the size of that thing. Right. So much love in the rogue squadron books and the, um, all the other stuff in the EU. I'm like, I loved his character in the EU. Oh man, in the EU, he had a whole book. I can't remember what it's called. That's the time I had, I'll look it up when I'm done talking, I guess. I think it is actually just called Antilles if I'm not mistaken. I think so. Yeah. No, it's like the, it's like the star fighters of Arjumar or something. It's this whole planet. Oh, there's definitely another one like that. Yeah. Yeah.

[00:35:41] This is whole planet's based around ship to ship combat and wedge is sent there as an ambassador and everyone wants to like fight him in his X-wing and everything. And it's, it's really cool. So it's like all about like star Wars dog fighting and stuff. It's really cool. There's one called wedges gamble. Yeah. Yes. There was that one too. Yeah. That, that one came out like years ago, but yeah, I've recalled it was a bestseller. It was always just fun. Even just rewatching the movies. Cause then you would try and spot them. Cause you kind of forget he's in the first one and he just becomes a big staple and

[00:36:09] empire where he's showing them how to, you know, take down the giant walkers. And then yeah, by Jedi, you're just like, yeah, he's basically going to be at the start of every battle. And I believe everything's saying. What's his face? What's his name? Anakin. Yeah. Whatever the guy, the actor. Aiden Christensen. Aiden Christensen. Yeah. Terrible. He looked the part. He just didn't have any range and I've liked other movies he's been in like takers and everything, but he just doesn't have any range to me.

[00:36:37] And I was hoping to keep this positive, but I just, I can watch the prequels, but I can't handle him anytime, you know, he's just talking about sand and I understand what Lucas is going for, even though he's not great with dialogue and he could have gotten a rewrite, but it's just like, yeah. Yeah. But it's coarse and it gets everywhere. It does though. It does. Sounds like an incel who doesn't know how to ejaculate, you know? He's just kind of those. What?

[00:37:05] Oh, it's his first time talking to a girl. We've all been there. I must feel something. When you were talking, when you're in junior high talking to your first crush, did you not also talk about all the sand you get in your pants whenever you go to the beach? No. Who hasn't been there? How did it get in there? I went to the beach. We've been over this. We've been. You sound like you were doing your best Bill Shatner there. To the beach.

[00:37:36] To the beach. Over there. There is sand. I'm going to derail this completely. I don't like sand. Is there anyone who's familiar with Bill Shatner singing Rocketman? How can there not be? Don't call yourself a Shatner fan if you haven't heard of Rocketman. No, I can't. Thank you. Thank you. I talk to people who are not cultured and I'm like, have you ever heard Will Shatner sing Rocketman? And they're just like, what? And I'm like, how dare you?

[00:38:03] I talk to people who have seen Boston Legal but haven't seen TJ Hooker. I mean, come on. Come on. What about James Earl Jones from Alan Quatermain and the Lost City of Goals? Amazing role. Everyone should see it. I've got the poster in my room looking at it right now. I've got the poster up on the wall, yeah. But it is so wild how essentially he just, yeah, he was the voice of CNN.

[00:38:28] And you got to love City Limits on Mystery Science Theater. I got to meet James Earl Jones once. Oh, wow. When I was in university, my history teacher said you could get credit for a test if you go listen to James Earl Jones speak. And we did. Yeah. And so I went to the auditorium where he was speaking that night.

[00:38:57] And he did this, he read this essay he wrote actually about like Shakespeare. And it was very strange. And no one was expecting that. They were expecting to talk about his autobiography that he had just published. But no, he read this essay. And a lot of people were like getting up and leaving. And it was very strange. And at the end, I was walking by and I was trying to get my professor's attention so he would see me and know I was there so he could get credit. And he was talking to James Earl Jones at the time. And the professor turns and sees me.

[00:39:27] And so I give him a thumbs up like, hey, I was here. And then James Earl Jones turns around and gives me a thumbs up. And I was like, oh, sweet. Yeah. And so he waves me over. And I was just, I shook his head. It's an honor to meet you. You know, it was a great essay or whatever the hell it was you did because I tell you, it was bizarre. You know, he was not there talking about his life like everyone thought he would. But no, he seemed very gracious. And then, so that's my James Earl Jones story. You know, got to shake. Oh, that's amazing. Yeah. And then Twitter forgot his birthday.

[00:39:58] Oh. Malcolm McDowell's had to do voices for Star Wars or something at this point, right? Maybe. He killed Duncan Kurt. That's as close as he got. He's a Star Trek guy. They can't cross. It's like that. There's a handful of people. Like, Brent Spiner's done a voice in a Star Wars cartoon, you know? So a few people have crossed over. People's heads will explode. They're like, no, it's too many. We can only take like one or two. Is he Data? Is he this other guy? I don't know.

[00:40:29] I mean, you know, it's whatever you got to do. He did. I was looking it up. Malcolm McDowell did a voice of Minister Haidan in Star Wars Rebels. I told you. There you go. Eventually, you immigrate. Yeah. They all find their way, you know? George Takei's in both franchises, for God's sake. Oh, my. Oh, my. That's great. I love that. And the connections continue.

[00:40:58] Malcolm McDowell was in Captain Jake and the Neverland Pirates from, was it Disney Junior? And I think Mark Hamill was a voice actor in that one, too. There you go, man. Oh, man, it just keeps going. Well, Disney's going to own everything. That's true. Waiting for him to go to Paramount and do a whole Star Trek versus Wars. In five years, it's going to be like Disney presents the Jacked Up Review Show podcast. Oh, stop. Why don't you try? Is there a reason you're trying to enhance my ego here, my friend?

[00:41:27] Nothing is greater than the power of the force. Send me some Disney money. I'll take some Disney money. Oh, I'd sell out to Disney in a heartbeat. Yeah. Oh, easy. Last Jedi's the greatest film ever. Come on, guys. Oh, I draw a damn line. You fool. It's a package deal. We all have to sell out. We all have to sell out. I don't know. What does this get you? Does this buy you a 10-free circle church? What does this get you?

[00:41:57] You get a Disney? I don't know. They have a bit of an image, you know? When you go to the parks, you get the churros 20% off, so you only have to spend $45 on it. The cheapest of the cheap, but hey. You still got to weigh in line for the rides, though. No, absolutely. He still used FastPass, still full price. He still had to take out a fucking mortgage for a fact. Oh, man. Damn, dude.

[00:42:27] Way to take out the guilty. This is why the Barely Critical podcast is selling out to Paramount+. All right? Well, here's the thing. If it's Star Trek, you kind of suck it up, and you find the good stuff in the bad. But the problem is, is like, yeah, when you suffer from bad Star Wars, it's just bad. Let's put it this way. I love going to the theater so much. I have seen both of Yahoo! Sirius' movies in the theater. Oh, you poor child.

[00:42:56] You poor masterpiece. There's got to be a better way to get popcorn, John. Come on. I mean, I'll do gay porn before I see a Yahoo! Sirius movie. Just saying. Oh, man. Isn't that what those were? I don't know. What movies are you guys? John really likes to do that little theater down the block there. I'll suffer for you, Ball, and his version of Star Wars before I watch Yahoo! Jeez.

[00:43:25] I'll watch all the terrible movies that win Oscars. No, no. We're past Billy Dee Williams. Let's go on to Natalie for why she's awesome. Well, you know, she's one of the lucky ones. She's had a pretty good career post-Star Wars. You know, not a guarantee. It's like she was in two giant blockbusters before, like Leona Professional and Heat. That's a great way to start your movie career. Yeah. A great movie. A great movie shoes in that I don't feel like gets the recognition. Annihilation? I can't believe it. Annihilation.

[00:43:56] That was bad. Annihilation. That was bad. Alex Carlin has great ideas, but he never knows how to end them. I didn't mind the movie. Like, I don't think it was offensive to cinema. Like, I just feel like... Oh, no. But I just... It was still so anticlimactic. I was like, really? That's what they did? And got all this vile and... Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I get it. It was a book of Eli type motion. I'm like, yeah, no. Sorry.

[00:44:22] By the whole, blind man goes across the desert and knows everything. It's like God is guiding him, right? That was the... Yes. I was a holy man. A holy black man. And I'm awesome. Because I'm... Denzel Washington should be in a Star Wars movie. But no, don't do that. No, I don't think you should, actually. He's too awesome. I think Natalie Portman gets rewarded for, like, minimal effort. It's like, yeah, I'm here. I said my lines. Oh, cool. Okay.

[00:44:52] She had really awesome wardrobe. Yep. She was my princess. In the Thor movie, she literally just sleepwalked. Oh, God. Hey, why don't we reward you by giving you the hammer? Oh, yeah. I would hammer you, Natalie. Okay. Okay. You know, I'm going to talk about something where she's actually really good. And that was Black Swan directed by Darren Aronofsky. She was great in that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I love that.

[00:45:21] I love everything that Darren Aronofsky actually does. I think he's a great director. You love depressing movies? The nerve. Well, yeah. No, she kills it. Go ahead, Trevor. The only issue I have with Black Swan is I can't unassociate it from, I think it was Scary Movie 4. Oh, God. Why are you watching these movies? Because I hate myself. Just self-torture at this time. Exactly.

[00:45:50] He's Jack Bauer. He's torturing himself. Where's the movie? Like, Black Swan has, you know, this love scene and it's, you know, it's very tasteful. And then you go to the scary movie and they literally, like, have two taco shells rubbing together. And that's the image I only have now when it's, like, whenever I watch Black Swan, it's just like... 69, baby. Exactly. It's two... They have two train tunnels. Not even two trains.

[00:46:17] Two train tunnels just bashing into each other, like, in Scary Movie. And just, like... And that's all I can think of. It's a very serious movie and it's a very well-done movie. But because I have this fucked up brain that I was cursed with, all I think about are the lesbian references. More fucked up than mine? Yes. Man. Yeah. I just think of the lesbian references from Scary Movie 4 and I just... I can't. That's great. Black Swan, though. Amazing. Yeah. Oh.

[00:46:48] I just love her comedies. Because she can do it, but she's just very light. And she was a good sport, yes, about those movies. Just saying, hey, it's kind of more of a kid-friendly crowd versus, you know, the epics of the 70s and 80s. And, you know, I think she's just a very smart person. I can see why she's become an activist and filmmaker recently. I thought Jackie was really good, even V for Vendetta. Yeah, V was cool. I mean, when she was on SNL doing those rap battles, that was just unexpected. It's like, I did not expect that from you.

[00:47:18] I mean, just being a foul-mouthed person, you know, SNL rap, that's pretty funny. But Jane Got A Gun, I think you guys would like. It's pretty straightforward Western. Your Highness was a fun... Closer, don't recommend. That's just depressing as fuck, where she plays a stripper. Wait, go back to that one? What was that? I totally recommend Anywhere But Here, Where the Heart Is. I forgot she cameoed as herself in Zoolander. Mars Attacks, that's right. She's like the president's daughter.

[00:47:50] You know, it's a movie we haven't discussed yet, but would actually fit for pretty much everyone we talked about. I'll tell you, I'll tell you. Go ahead, go ahead. Fanboys from 2001. He's in that. Ray Park is in that. As the security guard, and he does all the Darth Maul moves, but he's not wearing all the makeups. That was so great, though. Because even before all these martial artists like Frank Grillo and, what's his name, Scott Atkins were around. When I saw him, I was just like...

[00:48:20] In fact, speaking of Scott Atkins, you should totally see him in Accident Man. It's a fun John Wick movie based on an actual comic. But yeah, had I not seen him in Fanboys, I would have never known that he could do some fun Jackie Chan kind of comedy. And just sort of body language. He was so fun while funny and intimidating at the same time. It was great. Yeah, no, he was great in that. And I think Carrie Fisher's in it, too. There's a few people. They got a lot of Star Wars folks in there. And it's a great story.

[00:48:48] There's a guy dying of cancer, and he's seen one of the prequels, and then he's running into some trackers. And it's just some utter fun stuff. And it's just like, yeah, it's just... It was very clever, and no one knew how to advertise. And you're like, for real? I mean, there was a Darth Vader helmet on the cover. How do you not know how to advertise this movie? Yeah. I love the ending where they're all sitting down watching the person. Someone uses the force on the... That's what it was.

[00:49:16] And we can't not talk about Frank Oz, either. Oh, I think we can. No? Okay, I get overruled again. I was going to... Great director. They want to talk about Frank Oz? Hmm. Shovel up my ass, I do. Well, he was a Muppet guy, right? He's a Muppet, yeah. He's a great director. Hey, yo, it's the Muppets. Hey, yo. I'm walking here. I'm a Muppet.

[00:49:48] Can you review the Star Wars Holiday Special? Oh, God, why? It's better than the sequel trilogy. Oh! Oh, it does introduce Boba Fett. You got to give it that much. We did that two Christmases ago. Jerry Fisher sings, and Harrison Ford kills a guy. We did that with another podcast two Christmases ago, and I feel like I still need to take a shower from that one scene where the Wookiee is watching the... Watching board! Semi... Watching board! Pretty much, yeah.

[00:50:17] Dude, I want to kick Chewy's son into orbit. Like, I just... I hate Chewy's son. Irrational. His name's lumpy. This is what we get for... At least we didn't talk about Bea Arthur this whole time. I was just going to say Bea Arthur, sorry. I was going to throw that in there. Oh, man. She's not the one who did Blackface. Who did Blackface in the Holiday Special? Oh, someone did Blackface? Someone absolutely... It's like a weird cooking segment in the Holiday Special. Yes. Yeah, the cooking video.

[00:50:44] You sure it wasn't your VCR fading out from the pain it was having to embrace? I don't know. I'll have to... That was Chef Gourmanda. Chef Gourmanda, yes. And she did Blackface. They are part of the cannon, believe it or not. Some dickhead, years ago in the 90s, made these guys part of the Star Wars Encyclopedia. But again, I will still... I will watch this in purgatory and in hell versus...

[00:51:11] Any Lids Flair-induced Star Wars Ship Fest. So, J-Man. Yo, J! Yes. J-Walking Man, what you up to? What you doing after this? Well, I stream on YouTube under J-Man 77. Only on Patreon and OnlyFans. Oh, yeah, I don't have... I don't have OnlyFans. The boner is strong with this one. The erection is strong with this one. Yes. I'll go to the blow for your job.

[00:51:40] In Spaceballs, remember they'd put the ring to their crotch and then the lightsaber would come out? That's how they activate the lightsaber in the shorts. Yeah. We'll return after these messages. All right, folks, Hal Pack here. We got a 90-minute weekly Shack Stop. It's growing all over the world. Find it at 2 p.m. and 10 p.m. Eastern Time on Mondays.

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