Riding The F%cking Wheel of Life with Taymour Ghazi

[00:00:00] What is up all of my beautiful freaking people?

[00:00:03] Welcome back to another episode of FML Talk.

[00:00:07] We're gonna get a little real

[00:00:09] and a little heavy with y'all today,

[00:00:11] so sit back, grab maybe the bottle,

[00:00:14] box of tissues, and welcome to FML Talk.

[00:00:17] Oh my, wait, how old was the other girl?

[00:00:19] 19, do you believe that shit?

[00:00:21] Hey, this is Gabrielle Stone.

[00:00:22] You did what?

[00:00:23] I did not do checkers in Canada.

[00:00:24] He did what?

[00:00:25] 48 hours?

[00:00:27] What a dick.

[00:00:27] Yeah, but have you seen all the photos on her Instagram?

[00:00:30] And this is FML Talk.

[00:00:33] Oh no, she didn't.

[00:00:34] All right y'all, every time Tay has come on for an episode

[00:00:38] since we've started this new format,

[00:00:40] it's been fun and laughing and all the things,

[00:00:43] and we're going through some muddy,

[00:00:48] muddy water, muddy shit.

[00:00:50] Oh, that's one way of putting it.

[00:00:52] I call it a shit storm.

[00:00:55] But in the shit storm, there is a pony.

[00:00:58] And a podcast.

[00:01:00] And here we are, showing up for you,

[00:01:02] even though we're tired and sad

[00:01:06] and not stoked on life at the moment.

[00:01:08] So we'll try and just blanket statement

[00:01:13] and be inconspicuous.

[00:01:16] There's been a couple things that have been trying

[00:01:20] in the financial realm, in the co-parenting realm,

[00:01:24] in all the realms seem to be like,

[00:01:28] oh, it's Mercury retrograde and eclipse.

[00:01:31] Here's all the shit guys at once.

[00:01:33] And it's just been a lot for us to sort through.

[00:01:37] And it has just felt like one thing

[00:01:39] after another recently.

[00:01:40] But I think it's important to talk through those moments

[00:01:44] because there are so many lessons in them.

[00:01:47] A while back, we were doing a season of the minis

[00:01:51] and Tay had talked about something

[00:01:53] that people still DM me about

[00:01:56] relating to the analogy of that.

[00:01:58] And that is the wheel.

[00:02:02] The wheel.

[00:02:05] Yeah, I'll break it down this way

[00:02:08] because I don't know to what extent did I go into it.

[00:02:12] Well, it was really just the analogy of the wheel

[00:02:16] and when you're at the bottom, hold the fuck on

[00:02:20] because it's eventually gonna start turning

[00:02:22] and you're gonna make your way back up to the top

[00:02:24] a la Ferris wheel style.

[00:02:27] That was my dad who told me that

[00:02:28] right after my mom passed away.

[00:02:32] And it was a weird situation because I wasn't really,

[00:02:35] I didn't view life that way

[00:02:38] and he equated mourning with that as well

[00:02:43] and it just rung a bell for me.

[00:02:46] I have actually since written about it

[00:02:49] and I still feel strongly about it.

[00:02:51] I don't know if it was the right time or place

[00:02:54] to bring that analogy up.

[00:02:56] When it was presented to me right after my mom died,

[00:03:00] I think I needed to process a little bit.

[00:03:02] I don't know guys, right now I'm pretty much,

[00:03:05] I feel like I'm hanging on

[00:03:08] and sometimes it's hard to hear

[00:03:11] whether it be your dad's voice or somebody's voice

[00:03:15] telling you, hey, hang on, the wheel's gonna turn

[00:03:18] and this and that.

[00:03:18] And it's like when you're in the thick of it,

[00:03:21] kind of difficult to listen to it.

[00:03:23] Hear your wife and mother-in-law be like,

[00:03:26] but create differently, manifest.

[00:03:28] Yeah, but I have been doing that

[00:03:30] and you guys just don't believe me.

[00:03:33] Yeah, so I mean, I think this is a good time

[00:03:36] for that analogy and I do have to remind myself

[00:03:40] that it will continue to turn

[00:03:44] and I do need to hang on

[00:03:45] and in six months the problems that we're facing now,

[00:03:49] they'll be gone, there'll be new problems

[00:03:51] or there'll be new things, yeah.

[00:03:55] If you could describe the feeling or conflict

[00:04:03] within yourself that you feel like you're experiencing

[00:04:08] from all the shit, what would that be?

[00:04:12] Probably an extreme lack of self-worth.

[00:04:19] That's what's been happening lately.

[00:04:21] I guess people are just sitting there going like,

[00:04:23] well, we'll explain and go into it.

[00:04:25] No, people are sitting there going,

[00:04:27] oh my God, I can't believe he's being this vulnerable

[00:04:30] publicly and it's impressive because a lot of men

[00:04:36] and people won't be brave enough to do that.

[00:04:39] Well, yeah, I don't view it like that.

[00:04:43] I don't view it as being brave,

[00:04:45] but I view it as my wife said we have to do a podcast now

[00:04:51] and here I go.

[00:04:52] No, I said we can reschedule

[00:04:55] and I'll move the episodes around.

[00:04:57] But I didn't wanna do that.

[00:04:58] But I also know that some really good stuff

[00:05:00] is probably going to come out of this,

[00:05:02] not only for you but for everybody that's listening.

[00:05:04] I just wanna be authentic.

[00:05:06] Yeah, and sometimes shit's not fucking

[00:05:09] happy and sunshine and rainbows.

[00:05:10] I guess that is probably the underlying theme for this

[00:05:13] is that it's not always great, it's not.

[00:05:17] And sometimes you feel alone

[00:05:20] and you feel so miserable

[00:05:23] and people are sad for you,

[00:05:27] but also hurting because of you.

[00:05:33] It's a lot.

[00:05:35] I feel a lot of pressure to make people,

[00:05:39] to bring happiness to their lives.

[00:05:41] And it's like with you every day since I've been with you,

[00:05:46] my one goal is to make you laugh

[00:05:48] at least two or three times a day.

[00:05:50] You do that.

[00:05:52] Thank you.

[00:05:57] I just wanna be able to provide

[00:06:02] to an extent that is not just base minimum.

[00:06:08] I wanna be able to make things fun.

[00:06:13] Living the life of an artist is a difficult life

[00:06:16] because it's not guaranteed money all the time.

[00:06:20] Well, it's also not only financial with schedules

[00:06:26] and having one kid that goes to school

[00:06:32] really far from our house

[00:06:33] and a lot of extracurriculars and new baby.

[00:06:37] And it's a lot to juggle to then be like both of these

[00:06:43] and work and take time for yourself,

[00:06:46] for your mental health and do all the things.

[00:06:49] It's a lot.

[00:06:51] And I think it's just you've been spread so thin

[00:06:56] that eventually there was gonna be a little hole

[00:07:00] in the spirit that was spreading and spreading and spreading.

[00:07:04] Well, yeah, and I've completely cracked.

[00:07:07] I mean, I've just gotten to the point

[00:07:09] where there's no minutes.

[00:07:13] There's no minutes to sit or in some days to even eat.

[00:07:19] And the next thing you know,

[00:07:21] I've fucking two egg bites in the morning

[00:07:24] and it's now dinner time

[00:07:27] and I'm emaciated and completely on empty.

[00:07:34] And eventually, the human body can't do that,

[00:07:38] the human spirit can't do it.

[00:07:39] And I can feel my spirit just waning.

[00:07:42] We have our days where it's not that.

[00:07:46] Yeah, I do feel the need to put it in perspective

[00:07:49] that we're recording this

[00:07:51] and it's probably been four days of this.

[00:07:55] It's not like we've been walking around

[00:07:57] just disheveled the majority of the time.

[00:08:00] Everything's been really rad and happy.

[00:08:02] That doesn't mean there hasn't been pressure

[00:08:04] or hardships along that.

[00:08:07] Well, I mean, as I'm here to tell you in the flesh and blood

[00:08:11] there's always hardships.

[00:08:14] It doesn't go away, they don't go away.

[00:08:17] It's how you manage them.

[00:08:19] That's my take.

[00:08:20] I don't wanna walk through life being like,

[00:08:23] okay, when's the next hardship?

[00:08:25] Because I know there's one coming.

[00:08:27] No, but I'm just saying that that wheel,

[00:08:31] no matter how rich, no matter how happy

[00:08:34] and how many kids and how healthy, it's not gonna stop.

[00:08:38] And maybe the wheel turns and it's like your best friend

[00:08:42] just calls you and says they have cancer.

[00:08:44] Or your dad.

[00:08:45] Or your dad.

[00:08:46] Or something, as we get older too,

[00:08:51] obviously that's happening a lot more.

[00:08:54] Or you have a falling out with a friend.

[00:08:58] It's always different things.

[00:09:01] Some might not seem as drastic or bad

[00:09:05] but I get what you're saying.

[00:09:06] That doesn't mean you should be walking through life

[00:09:09] being like, there's always shit.

[00:09:11] It's always hard.

[00:09:12] It's not always hard.

[00:09:14] No, it's not always hard.

[00:09:15] And all the hardships that we end up facing

[00:09:18] through our lives, some of them are easier,

[00:09:20] some of them are drastic and really difficult.

[00:09:24] I don't, and I think, well, I'm curious about this.

[00:09:28] I don't walk through life like that.

[00:09:31] And I was gonna say, and I think you know that.

[00:09:35] But sometimes you and your mom, of course,

[00:09:40] are, whether you're believing me or you're not,

[00:09:47] I'm doing the things that you guys are telling me.

[00:09:50] And I'm following the lead.

[00:09:53] I'm really trying as, I'm throwing

[00:09:56] the fucking kitchen sink at it, at my life, so to speak.

[00:10:00] To try to make it even better than it already is.

[00:10:05] Right today and the last week,

[00:10:07] it's been a fucking shitstorm.

[00:10:10] But yeah, this is a blip.

[00:10:13] We're gonna get through it, I know that.

[00:10:16] But I wanna be able to manage the hardships

[00:10:20] with some grace and not be able

[00:10:24] to just get completely knocked down.

[00:10:26] But also, how do I convince you guys

[00:10:29] that I really am doing the work?

[00:10:31] I do believe that you're doing the work.

[00:10:33] And it's been something that's annoyed me

[00:10:35] about my mother for a very long time.

[00:10:39] When I am going through one of those moments,

[00:10:41] she's like, well, you have to stand on top of your thoughts.

[00:10:43] You have to listen to the words you're saying

[00:10:46] if you're walking around saying, I don't have this

[00:10:49] or I'm so upset about this or I'm so stressed about this.

[00:10:53] That's speaking it out into creation.

[00:10:55] And I'm like, that's so fucking annoying.

[00:10:57] Let me just fucking vent for a second.

[00:11:00] So I understand the irritance in that.

[00:11:05] Well, I also know where you guys get it from

[00:11:07] because at the beginning I always said,

[00:11:10] I think I have a core belief

[00:11:11] that you need to struggle to succeed.

[00:11:14] And I've recently, within since knowing you,

[00:11:17] have started to get rid of that core belief.

[00:11:23] Now I think I need to jump into other core beliefs

[00:11:27] and start to get rid of or enhance some of those.

[00:11:31] Yeah.

[00:11:36] Summer is here and life is not slowing down

[00:11:39] for us anytime soon.

[00:11:40] One of the things we have continuously relied on

[00:11:43] making our lives so much easier is factor meals,

[00:11:47] no prep, no mess, no cleanup meals.

[00:11:50] I have really been off the wagon with my eating

[00:11:53] since having my son.

[00:11:54] And for my health, my wellness, and my mental sanity,

[00:11:57] I have been switching my dinners

[00:11:59] to more healthy options from Factor.

[00:12:02] They have 35 different meals and more than 60 add-ons

[00:12:06] to choose from every week, so I never get bored.

[00:12:09] And Tay is continuously shocked

[00:12:11] every time he sits down to eat one

[00:12:13] because they are so freaking tasty.

[00:12:15] They have breakfast, lunches, dinners, and desserts.

[00:12:19] It's a treat to have restaurant quality food

[00:12:21] that is so easy to prepare

[00:12:23] and doesn't come with the insane Postmates bill.

[00:12:26] Head to factormeals.com slash fmltalk50

[00:12:30] and use code fmltalk50 to get 50% off your first box

[00:12:35] plus 20% off your next month.

[00:12:38] That's code fmltalk50 at factormeals.com slash fmltalk50

[00:12:44] to get 50% off your first box plus 20% off your next month

[00:12:48] while your subscription is active.

[00:12:51] Enjoy, FMLers.

[00:12:58] The new one that I'm working on is the self-worth

[00:13:01] and the I am enough.

[00:13:03] Which is so ironic that you're sitting here saying that

[00:13:08] and everybody that's listening to this podcast

[00:13:11] is going, where can I find a guy like that?

[00:13:16] I'm just saying perspective.

[00:13:21] You might feel like that in this moment

[00:13:23] but there are hundreds and thousands of people

[00:13:25] that have read My Journey and Our Journey

[00:13:28] that think you're the fucking bee's knees

[00:13:33] and I am one of them.

[00:13:36] I appreciate that.

[00:13:37] I sure as fuck don't feel like the bee's knees right now.

[00:13:40] Feel like the bee's ass.

[00:13:43] I don't know, I just made that up.

[00:13:44] And that's the quote of the episode.

[00:13:46] I fucking just made it up.

[00:13:47] How are you feeling today?

[00:13:48] Like the bee's ass.

[00:13:50] This episode isn't about the bee's knees, guys.

[00:13:53] We're going south.

[00:13:56] I recently have finally understood the principle

[00:14:00] of all the manifestation and creating stuff

[00:14:02] that instead of being like, I know it's happening.

[00:14:05] I know it's on its way.

[00:14:06] I know it's being delivered to pretending

[00:14:10] if you wanna call it or convincing yourself or whatever,

[00:14:13] experiencing it and knowing that it's already done.

[00:14:18] That it's already here.

[00:14:21] And I kid you not, again, sorry for being so fucking cryptic

[00:14:25] on this episode.

[00:14:26] You guys will be able to reveal some shit

[00:14:28] at some point, I'm sure.

[00:14:29] Two days when I shifted that and really started focusing

[00:14:34] was when that text came in last night

[00:14:36] about some big stuff for me.

[00:14:41] Well, I mean, I think I've said it

[00:14:43] on one of your podcasts before.

[00:14:47] When after I met you and your mom, I wrote the big,

[00:14:50] well, no, we had been together

[00:14:51] for a little while at this point,

[00:14:53] but I had written the big board and-

[00:14:56] That was right after I broke up with you.

[00:14:57] So maybe I just need to leave you

[00:14:58] and then everything will fucking open up in your life

[00:15:01] and then I'll come back and be like, you're welcome.

[00:15:03] Let's resume.

[00:15:06] And that's where I let go of the wheel.

[00:15:10] Swan dive.

[00:15:11] Swan dive.

[00:15:13] I'm not hanging off, I'll jump right off.

[00:15:15] Yeah, I mean, it was oddly enough

[00:15:17] when you did break up with me,

[00:15:20] but neither here nor there,

[00:15:22] I had written the fucking board

[00:15:23] and like seven out of the 10 things on that board happened.

[00:15:29] I'm a believer, there's no question about it.

[00:15:32] I just, I don't wanna say it's not happening fast enough,

[00:15:36] but man, I've been doing the work and like-

[00:15:40] Do you think it's because you're attached

[00:15:42] to how it might look?

[00:15:45] Because-

[00:15:46] I think that's what your mom is getting at now.

[00:15:47] For me, that's like that principle I sent you the other day,

[00:15:51] that video that was like,

[00:15:53] I am deciding I am making $20,000 this month.

[00:15:56] I am deciding that I am booking this.

[00:15:57] I am deciding that this person is doing this.

[00:16:01] I am deciding that and that's done.

[00:16:04] It's done.

[00:16:05] I don't know how it's gonna happen.

[00:16:06] Your brain might be like,

[00:16:08] well then I have to book a commercial

[00:16:09] or I have to book a job or I have to do this then

[00:16:11] or I have to start working more.

[00:16:12] And then it goes through the back door.

[00:16:13] And then you get a random check in the mail.

[00:16:16] So what's your question to me?

[00:16:17] It's not a question.

[00:16:18] I'm saying like for everybody that's listening,

[00:16:21] let go of the outcome.

[00:16:23] Like the first year my book was out,

[00:16:25] I was like a celebrity is gonna read it.

[00:16:28] They're gonna post about it.

[00:16:29] It's gonna take off like wildfire.

[00:16:30] Never in a million years if you were like,

[00:16:32] COVID is gonna hit.

[00:16:34] Tori Spelling is gonna like do a video

[00:16:37] about running out of toilet paper

[00:16:39] and like all the news outlets are gonna pick it up

[00:16:42] and like surprise she also was like,

[00:16:44] this is the book I'm reading right now

[00:16:46] for like 2.5 seconds.

[00:16:48] And it got mentioned in all those articles.

[00:16:49] Or you're gonna blow up dancing like a fucking idiot

[00:16:52] on TikTok and it's gonna change your life.

[00:16:55] Never in a million years.

[00:16:57] So don't think about the outcome.

[00:16:59] Yeah, just decide what the result is

[00:17:02] and know that you're the master of your life

[00:17:05] in the universe.

[00:17:06] So if you're like, I'm deciding

[00:17:08] that I'm making 20 grand this month.

[00:17:11] Don't care how it happens.

[00:17:13] Don't care if like a family member calls

[00:17:15] and they're like, I just wanna give you this.

[00:17:18] Great, thank you for delivering that to me.

[00:17:21] And more please.

[00:17:23] Thank you again.

[00:17:25] I am deciding that this situation

[00:17:27] is gonna work itself out.

[00:17:28] I am deciding that we are going to find

[00:17:30] a perfect solution that makes everyone happy

[00:17:32] in this scenario.

[00:17:34] Like just deciding.

[00:17:35] And it's hard when you're in that space

[00:17:37] because you're just circling the drain in the toilet.

[00:17:40] I mean, I was in it two days ago.

[00:17:41] You came in and you were like, what's happening?

[00:17:44] And I was like, I just need a day.

[00:17:46] It's rare that I have them,

[00:17:48] like the full days where I'm just like,

[00:17:50] there's no fucking bright side.

[00:17:51] There's no like, I'm just gonna fucking circle

[00:17:54] in the toilet for a little bit like a big fat turd

[00:17:56] and I'll let you know when I'm coming out.

[00:17:59] So it's tough to shift that perspective.

[00:18:05] The other thing I have been doing

[00:18:06] throughout all of these like difficult moments

[00:18:08] that have happened in the past couple of days

[00:18:10] which some of them with the co-parenting stuff

[00:18:14] has been really difficult

[00:18:15] and really triggers me in different ways.

[00:18:18] And the best thing I have done is go find our kid

[00:18:25] and make him giggle.

[00:18:27] And I instantly am like, can't fucking be mad anymore.

[00:18:31] Can't be mad anymore.

[00:18:32] I have this healthy little baby that's fucking giggling

[00:18:34] and like looking at me like I am the greatest gift

[00:18:37] on this planet which obviously I am.

[00:18:41] And it's the same principle my mom says,

[00:18:43] go back to your love place.

[00:18:46] But it's different when you're like,

[00:18:48] okay, shut your eyes, go to your love place.

[00:18:50] Or it's like right in front of your fucking face

[00:18:52] and you're like, oh, I can't not laugh or smile at this.

[00:18:55] And it totally changes the trajectory

[00:18:58] of like how you're feeling.

[00:19:01] But it's about making yourself want to do that.

[00:19:03] No, it does.

[00:19:04] It changes the trajectory

[00:19:05] of how you're feeling in the moment.

[00:19:08] Now, let me bring up one of my other like situation.

[00:19:14] Well, you know all too well.

[00:19:16] It's my daughter and not so much even the co-parenting

[00:19:21] although right now that's extremely difficult.

[00:19:24] For the most part we do fairly well.

[00:19:26] We get by as formidable, cordial.

[00:19:31] Cordial.

[00:19:32] Yeah, co-parents.

[00:19:35] Yeah, great, thank you.

[00:19:36] That was the perfect way to say it.

[00:19:38] 10% of the time it's fucking,

[00:19:40] should I say it again?

[00:19:41] Shitstorm.

[00:19:44] That's the bee's ass.

[00:19:45] Yeah.

[00:19:47] So I think that you said you go to your happy place,

[00:19:50] your love place which is our son.

[00:19:52] Get the smiles out of him.

[00:19:53] It pulls you out of that thing and I do that as well.

[00:19:57] The problem is like the other side of my sadness

[00:20:02] revolves around my daughter which is my other kid

[00:20:06] which is my other happy place.

[00:20:08] So it's like kind of a tug of war with me right now

[00:20:13] in that I always go to Stone, get my happy sauce

[00:20:17] and then I'm feeling better but soon after

[00:20:20] I go to my other kid and it's not like my other kid's

[00:20:24] suffering and doing all these things

[00:20:26] but she's becoming a teenager.

[00:20:29] There's a lot of changes.

[00:20:32] So can you go to a happy memory or a happy moment?

[00:20:37] Yeah, absolutely.

[00:20:38] So it's interchangeable in that sense.

[00:20:41] I understand what you're saying

[00:20:42] but it's less about is everyone happy?

[00:20:46] Is everyone thriving?

[00:20:47] Is everybody okay?

[00:20:50] Because A, that's not your job

[00:20:51] and B, it's more about getting your brain

[00:20:56] into the happy place so that you can then

[00:20:59] be in a place of flow and creation.

[00:21:01] Do you understand?

[00:21:02] So less about, because that's what,

[00:21:04] I just did a session with, shout out Natalie,

[00:21:07] Lucia Medium who will be on the podcast,

[00:21:09] I don't know when the fuck,

[00:21:10] what month are we in, next month

[00:21:12] and she was like why are you trying

[00:21:15] to fix all the things overnight?

[00:21:17] And I was like hi, do you know me?

[00:21:18] I'm type A.

[00:21:19] Everybody needs, because why does everybody

[00:21:22] just want to sit in the shit?

[00:21:22] I need to fix everything.

[00:21:24] And she was like stop trying to do that.

[00:21:28] Sometimes you just have to let things breathe

[00:21:30] and let them be.

[00:21:32] So it's not always.

[00:21:33] And when did you talk to her?

[00:21:36] When did you get that information?

[00:21:38] What do you mean?

[00:21:39] When did she give you that information?

[00:21:41] A couple days ago.

[00:21:43] How many days?

[00:21:43] Why do you think we waited a couple days

[00:21:46] to have the conversation that we just had?

[00:21:48] I wish you, what about that text that you sent?

[00:21:51] Well that was right before I got on the call with her.

[00:21:54] No shit.

[00:21:56] Like walking into the session.

[00:21:59] Because of that I think.

[00:22:01] Anyways.

[00:22:03] It's less about fixing all the things

[00:22:07] and putting yourself back into balance

[00:22:10] so that you can then handle whatever it is.

[00:22:14] I mean, I resonate with that.

[00:22:15] That makes a lot of sense.

[00:22:17] I mean there's no fixing anything for me at all

[00:22:21] unless I'm balanced myself.

[00:22:24] Yeah.

[00:22:24] It's like I.

[00:22:25] You have to fill your cup first

[00:22:27] and right now your cup is fucking empty

[00:22:30] and drying and cracking.

[00:22:32] Well and it has a hole in it.

[00:22:33] You need some water in there.

[00:22:34] There's some fucking hole in the bottom.

[00:22:35] Well you gotta patch the hole

[00:22:36] and then put the water in.

[00:22:37] Yeah, I gotta patch that shit with Gorilla Glue.

[00:22:40] Stupid.

[00:22:42] Stupid.

[00:22:51] And I think we just again have to take the pressure off

[00:22:54] of deadlines that we've put in our own heads

[00:22:58] and all things.

[00:23:02] As long, if it's not on fire, it can chill for a while.

[00:23:06] Well every fucking thing feels like it's on fire for me

[00:23:08] to be honest with you, Gab.

[00:23:10] Right now.

[00:23:11] Okay, but it's not that project

[00:23:12] that you and I are working on?

[00:23:13] That's a made up deadline that like I decided.

[00:23:14] No, that's on fire.

[00:23:15] That's burning my ass.

[00:23:17] But that is because that's a big burn.

[00:23:21] It's like a big like,

[00:23:24] it's almost like a whole body burn, right?

[00:23:27] It's really under me, our project.

[00:23:29] However, I've had to put even that on a back burner

[00:23:33] because I'm about to do one of the scariest fucking things

[00:23:36] I think I've ever done in my whole life.

[00:23:39] And that's direct this short film.

[00:23:43] And I think like that's weighing on me as well

[00:23:46] because it's a whole creative vision

[00:23:50] and I'm ready to do it,

[00:23:54] but there's a lot that goes into it

[00:23:57] and it just adds something to the 43 jobs,

[00:24:03] the 12 careers, the two kids.

[00:24:06] And a partridge in a pear tree.

[00:24:08] The soccer practices.

[00:24:10] Oh, and don't forget,

[00:24:12] I gotta work out every once in a while.

[00:24:13] I mean, you know, it's just not enough hours in a day,

[00:24:18] but you know, I think like that's what life is.

[00:24:22] I have fear around that project that's coming up,

[00:24:27] both of those big projects.

[00:24:29] And if I didn't have fear around them,

[00:24:33] they would be sucky.

[00:24:35] I can tell you that.

[00:24:36] I think there is a certain element,

[00:24:40] and I say this to all of my actors when I'm coaching,

[00:24:44] look, if you're not nervous, you're not human.

[00:24:48] There's some human element about having a little fear

[00:24:52] around something and facing the fear

[00:24:55] and coming out the other side.

[00:24:56] The biggest thing,

[00:24:58] and I've said this multiple times on the podcast,

[00:24:59] the biggest things in your life with the biggest payoff

[00:25:03] are always gonna happen when there's fear

[00:25:05] and you walk through it.

[00:25:07] So that's indicative of how big both these projects

[00:25:11] are gonna be for you in the long term.

[00:25:14] So there should be excitement in that.

[00:25:16] Doesn't mean that the fear is not present,

[00:25:18] and that's okay.

[00:25:20] But you're gonna kill it, you know that.

[00:25:22] There's no other option.

[00:25:23] There is no other option.

[00:25:26] There is no other option.

[00:25:27] So before we get into a couple of the listener questions,

[00:25:32] A, do you feel a little bit more balanced

[00:25:33] after talking through some of it?

[00:25:36] Yeah, I mean, I'm a little nervous as to when we stop

[00:25:41] and where my head goes.

[00:25:42] You know, I'm not a lunatic, but yeah,

[00:25:45] I'm gonna be like, ugh, it still weighs on me, life.

[00:25:51] But can you go to your happy place?

[00:25:53] Yes, I will go to my happy place.

[00:25:56] Yes, I do feel a little more balanced.

[00:25:58] Every time I talk, no matter what,

[00:26:00] if I'm feeling uneasy and I come and talk to you,

[00:26:04] I go talk to my therapist, we talk to our therapist,

[00:26:07] I talk with my daughter.

[00:26:09] Yeah, anytime I talk about it or anything, I feel better.

[00:26:13] So yeah, I do.

[00:26:15] I am also highly aware that, you know,

[00:26:19] again, the wheel does continue to turn,

[00:26:22] and in six months, it'll be different issues

[00:26:25] that I will be addressing.

[00:26:29] Or maybe there'll be fun things that you're addressing

[00:26:32] and everybody will be great and happy, let's create that.

[00:26:34] What do I do with all the money and the children?

[00:26:37] No more children.

[00:26:40] Well, I really respect you for powering through today

[00:26:43] and coming on and being vulnerable

[00:26:45] because I know a lot of people

[00:26:47] are not only going to resonate with it,

[00:26:49] but it is really important, in my eyes,

[00:26:52] for men to be vulnerable publicly

[00:26:54] and show that that's okay.

[00:26:56] Not only okay, it's sexy and empowering

[00:26:59] and we need more of it.

[00:27:01] I appreciate that.

[00:27:03] I wanna be able to help,

[00:27:04] but there's times where, you know,

[00:27:07] help by just talking, but there's times where,

[00:27:09] I mean, I don't,

[00:27:11] I think I was crying at the beginning of this

[00:27:13] and I was like really, didn't know if,

[00:27:15] I almost looked at you and said no.

[00:27:17] Yeah, those are always the best episodes.

[00:27:19] This isn't gonna happen.

[00:27:20] Welcome to FML Talk.

[00:27:22] All right guys, we are going to jump into

[00:27:24] some of your listener questions now, here we go.

[00:27:35] All right, we're gonna start off with a lighter one

[00:27:37] and that is what places

[00:27:39] are on your mutual travel bucket list?

[00:27:41] Well, we say mutual and we haven't discussed this, but.

[00:27:44] Portugal.

[00:27:45] Oh yeah.

[00:27:46] Portugal.

[00:27:47] Coming up quite soon.

[00:27:48] Coming up quite soon.

[00:27:48] But that's been on the bucket list for a very long time.

[00:27:50] Indonesia.

[00:27:51] Yeah, I really wanna go back to Thailand specifically.

[00:27:54] I've never been, so I really wanna go and check it out.

[00:27:57] And Turkey, where they have all the hot air balloons

[00:28:00] that always look so magical.

[00:28:01] I would like to do that.

[00:28:03] You wanna go into the hot air balloons?

[00:28:04] I'm not down for that.

[00:28:05] No, no, no, I wanna sit and watch them.

[00:28:07] Yeah, got it.

[00:28:08] As like we eat Indonesian food.

[00:28:09] I think that's Turkey, but yeah.

[00:28:12] Yeah.

[00:28:13] I think Indonesia.

[00:28:14] How to trust someone after cheating?

[00:28:17] Once a cheater, always a cheater.

[00:28:18] Friends reference.

[00:28:19] You have to, I mean, you have to decide to

[00:28:23] or you have to leave.

[00:28:24] But like if there's not forgiveness on both ends

[00:28:26] and dedication to rebuilding that trust,

[00:28:28] which is really fucking hard,

[00:28:30] you have to decide to and the other person

[00:28:32] has to actually be sorry and wanting to change.

[00:28:35] Yeah, and wanting to change is the key.

[00:28:37] You can't just be sorry.

[00:28:38] Sorry, that's where everybody gets into trouble.

[00:28:40] They just say sorry and they think it's over.

[00:28:42] They have to wanna change,

[00:28:44] but you also really have to somehow find a way

[00:28:50] to forgive because it will never work

[00:28:53] if you don't do that.

[00:28:54] Amen.

[00:28:55] How does Tay feel regarding hearing about your exes

[00:28:58] so often from the books and podcast?

[00:29:00] What exes?

[00:29:02] What do you mean, what exes?

[00:29:02] I mean, what exes?

[00:29:04] Do we need to name them?

[00:29:05] Well, no, I'm just curious

[00:29:07] because they're fucking characters in my story.

[00:29:09] I'm the one that has to deal.

[00:29:10] What was the first three?

[00:29:11] No, no, no, I'm the one that has to deal with an actual ex.

[00:29:13] It's so weird.

[00:29:14] He just has to hear about them, okay?

[00:29:15] What were the first three words of that question?

[00:29:18] Sorry, you're an asshole.

[00:29:20] How does Tay feel regarding hearing about your ex

[00:29:23] so often?

[00:29:24] Okay, here we go.

[00:29:24] Honestly, that's a good question.

[00:29:26] I had a very difficult time with it at the beginning.

[00:29:29] Even at the beginning when it was solidified,

[00:29:32] I mean, we owned a house, we were together, it was it.

[00:29:35] And I still had a difficult time.

[00:29:37] But it kinda gets oversaturated.

[00:29:42] It kind of just becomes part of the story

[00:29:46] and I don't really listen to it.

[00:29:49] It's funny, it's funny.

[00:29:50] Do you know what?

[00:29:51] Actually, I don't even think I've ever told you this.

[00:29:53] Do you know what actually desensitized me to it all?

[00:30:00] Well, this is gonna come off not the right way,

[00:30:02] but your repetitiveness.

[00:30:05] I mean, in the way you say it

[00:30:08] from one interview to this next is identical.

[00:30:12] So I almost have the monologue in my head

[00:30:17] and now it became desensitized.

[00:30:19] I walk by the office and hear you going again

[00:30:21] and I just walk by and I actually smile now.

[00:30:24] I'm like, well, those are characters in a story.

[00:30:26] Well, and it literally, at least, no, for both,

[00:30:29] it's been so long,

[00:30:32] it doesn't feel like those actually happened.

[00:30:34] It feels like-

[00:30:35] Right, like a lifetime ago.

[00:30:37] I was talking about this the other day

[00:30:39] and she's like, did you fucking time jump?

[00:30:42] Did you quantum leap somewhere?

[00:30:43] Because I feel like there's other versions of your life

[00:30:47] happening in weird ways

[00:30:48] and why people are all interconnected with each other

[00:30:50] and like, what the fuck is your life?

[00:30:51] And I was like, yeah, I don't know.

[00:30:53] Yeah, that's your writing partner.

[00:30:58] What are your favorite little things

[00:31:00] that the other person does?

[00:31:03] Wait, what?

[00:31:04] Like what's your favorite thing that I do?

[00:31:07] Little thing.

[00:31:08] I'll go first.

[00:31:09] When he takes the baby in the morning,

[00:31:11] he does a walk with him and they go to Starbucks

[00:31:14] and they bring me back my coffee, a venti with no ice

[00:31:17] so that I can then have two coffees at home when I get up.

[00:31:21] That's my favorite little thing.

[00:31:22] Huh.

[00:31:24] God, these, I'm right on the spot here.

[00:31:27] I'm gonna have to say the thing that pops in my mind

[00:31:30] is when he was first born

[00:31:32] and you kind of took a step aside

[00:31:37] and said like, wait,

[00:31:38] I'm already getting up in the middle of the night anyways,

[00:31:41] why don't you just sleep?

[00:31:43] I think that was a pretty unselfish move on your part.

[00:31:48] Very like-

[00:31:49] Valid.

[00:31:50] Valid, I mean, very thoughtful.

[00:31:52] Okay, here's one.

[00:31:54] I'm gonna read this

[00:31:54] and then read the one that comes right after.

[00:31:56] Why the fuck did Ted shave?

[00:31:58] And then the one after says disregard

[00:32:00] because I posted it's for an audition.

[00:32:03] Oh my God.

[00:32:06] How should they, that was yesterday.

[00:32:08] Well, I put this question box up yesterday

[00:32:10] cause I knew we were recording today.

[00:32:12] And the question was why the fuck did Ted shave?

[00:32:14] Fuck.

[00:32:15] No, not the question.

[00:32:16] Or yeah.

[00:32:17] Yeah, or it was-

[00:32:18] Yeah, and then the next one is disregard.

[00:32:20] Cause it wasn't for the-

[00:32:21] Cause then she realized it was for an audition.

[00:32:24] Oh, she spit out the question like right when she saw.

[00:32:28] That's pretty funny.

[00:32:29] Yeah, I think we could all mutually agree

[00:32:31] in the FML community

[00:32:32] that we prefer you with Simscraft, respectfully.

[00:32:36] Okay, well, you know how the universe works

[00:32:39] is now I'm gonna go book something

[00:32:41] that needs clean shave in the hole.

[00:32:47] What were we saying is the statement

[00:32:49] that we're gonna be using earlier in the episode?

[00:32:51] I am deciding that whatever you book

[00:32:54] requires a good amount of scruff.

[00:32:56] Okay, last one.

[00:32:57] Starting to date someone who has kids,

[00:32:59] how long did you wait to meet Junie

[00:33:01] and did you meet her mom first?

[00:33:02] Ooh, that's a really, really good question.

[00:33:05] I'm gonna answer that more generically

[00:33:07] and then you can be specific.

[00:33:10] I think that answer should be different

[00:33:12] with every single situation.

[00:33:15] However, no matter the situation,

[00:33:18] I think at least you should be waiting six months.

[00:33:22] That's my thing.

[00:33:24] Now you can tell us what we did.

[00:33:26] Okay.

[00:33:27] Are you fucking-

[00:33:28] Well, Tay is a hopeless romantic,

[00:33:29] so two months in he was like,

[00:33:30] I want you to meet my daughter

[00:33:32] and let's build a life together.

[00:33:33] Yeah, but that's because one month in

[00:33:35] I was like, will you marry me?

[00:33:36] I was like, yo bitch, pump the brakes.

[00:33:38] And no, we waited a very good amount of time.

[00:33:42] I think it was like-

[00:33:43] It was a year?

[00:33:45] Close to it.

[00:33:46] Like eight months maybe, eight, nine months.

[00:33:48] Did not meet her mom first.

[00:33:51] I don't know the conversation you guys had around that,

[00:33:53] but it was very casual.

[00:33:55] You would talk to her about it.

[00:33:56] It's written about in the book.

[00:33:58] It's written about in the ridiculous misadventures.

[00:33:59] That's exactly how it went down.

[00:34:01] I had had meetings with her mom after that

[00:34:04] and I remember your ex being like,

[00:34:07] this is weird that a 29 year old

[00:34:09] wants to take on all of this baggage.

[00:34:14] Have you seen my baby blues?

[00:34:15] Oh my God, I was like, have you seen my guns?

[00:34:18] I'm meant to carry shit.

[00:34:20] Oh my God.

[00:34:21] Da-dum-chah.

[00:34:21] I also want to piggyback on that answer

[00:34:24] and I think one of the other,

[00:34:26] if not the most monumental reason to wait

[00:34:30] is because you gotta talk to your kid.

[00:34:33] Yeah.

[00:34:33] And I spent-

[00:34:34] You don't want people coming in and out of their lives

[00:34:36] if they don't have to.

[00:34:37] You just want to be sure.

[00:34:38] And I spent eight months-

[00:34:39] And there's no rush.

[00:34:40] Kind of prepping my daughter about you.

[00:34:43] Not the eight months, but we were just talking about it.

[00:34:46] Her and I were talking.

[00:34:47] She's like, you remember when we were laying in bed

[00:34:49] that one night and you brought her up

[00:34:52] and then you showed a picture of her?

[00:34:54] She's like, I remember that picture.

[00:34:55] I know exactly what picture that is.

[00:34:57] I would love to know what picture that is.

[00:34:58] Of you sitting in your mom's backyard.

[00:35:01] Some picture sitting in your backyard.

[00:35:02] I'm gonna make her find that and show it to me.

[00:35:04] And she's like, yeah.

[00:35:06] So I had been talking to her about it.

[00:35:07] I talked to her about meeting you,

[00:35:10] having you as a girlfriend,

[00:35:12] spoke to her about marrying you,

[00:35:14] and then spoke to her about children.

[00:35:16] So I was pretty like, maybe in some cases to a fault.

[00:35:20] I'm very open with her.

[00:35:21] Right, keeping her involved.

[00:35:23] So I think it's just whatever is comfortable for you guys.

[00:35:25] I think I agree it's different in every situation,

[00:35:27] but definitely don't rush it

[00:35:29] because once they meet you, you can't backpedal.

[00:35:32] Yeah, and you're right.

[00:35:33] I was after two months, I'm like,

[00:35:35] oh my God, this is it and I'm home.

[00:35:36] But their minds can't process it like we can.

[00:35:41] Well, I'd be like, yeah,

[00:35:42] because we were super,

[00:35:43] we were like fucking back and forth in like a shit show.

[00:35:46] I mean, imagine if she had been through all that.

[00:35:49] Yeah, dude.

[00:35:50] Well, it would have played into like,

[00:35:51] maybe she wouldn't have been all that keen on you.

[00:35:55] She would have been like,

[00:35:55] maybe she's gonna hurt me again.

[00:35:57] Even though we got married, we're having a kid,

[00:35:59] but for a young mind like that to have that,

[00:36:02] and it's like different with different ages.

[00:36:04] It's like a whole thing.

[00:36:07] Life guys.

[00:36:08] Well, I'm glad we like powered through and did this episode

[00:36:11] because I'm tired and now we don't have to record it

[00:36:13] sometime next week when we have no time.

[00:36:16] Yeah, like I said,

[00:36:17] I'm anxious to hear the questions about my boo-hooing.

[00:36:20] Mental breakdown.

[00:36:22] It's okay, we all have them.

[00:36:24] We do.

[00:36:25] Okay, love you.

[00:36:26] Love you.

[00:36:26] See you guys next week.

[00:36:28] Bye bye.

[00:36:33] All right, FMLers, if you don't want to miss an episode,

[00:36:37] make sure to follow on your favorite podcast app.

[00:36:39] And if you're loving the show,

[00:36:40] drop us a five-star rating and leave a review.

[00:36:44] You can keep up with me on Instagram at Gabrielle Stone

[00:36:47] or the podcast page at FML Talk Podcast.

[00:36:50] For all the merch and books signed personally by me,

[00:36:53] you can shop the FML line on eatpreyfml.com.

[00:36:58] And as always, have a fucking self-love cocktail on me.

[00:37:02] Cheers.

[00:37:14] Welcome to As a Woman, fertility hormones and beyond.

[00:37:17] I'm your host, Dr. Natalie Crawford,

[00:37:19] and I am a fertility physician

[00:37:21] and co-founder of Fora Fertility in Austin, Texas.

[00:37:24] We will talk about a wide range of topics,

[00:37:27] including the menstrual cycle, your hormones,

[00:37:29] infertility, IVF, mental health, and well beyond.

[00:37:33] So join us and become part of the community of collaboration

[00:37:37] that amplifies others as a woman.

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