Hey FMLers! Wondering why I'm in your feed today? I wanted to share my new favorite podcast, Seeing Other People. Modern dating sucks, but dating expert Ilana Dunn is here to make it suck just a little bit less. Join host Ilana and both well-known and anonymous, unfiltered guests as they navigate the complexities and realities of modern dating. From first dates to breakups, they’re not afraid to bare all as they dive deep into what it means to be single, in a relationship, or anything in between. Whether you're looking for love, or just want to laugh and commiserate with others, tune in to explore the rollercoaster that is the ever-evolving world of dating.
If you like what you hear, make sure to subscribe and listen to Seeing Other People every Tuesday and Thursday, wherever you get your podcasts. And follow Seeing Other People on Instagram @seeingotherpeople and Ilana @ilana.dunn.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
[00:00:00] Lumen is the world's first handheld metabolic coach. It's a device that measures your metabolism through your breath. The app then lets you know if you're burning fat or carbs, gives you guidance to improve your nutrition, advises you on workouts and sleep and even stress management. Having all this information at your fingertips is remarkable. The way you can tailor your health needs on the day-to-day to really learn about your metabolic health is so incredibly valuable.
[00:00:28] Your metabolism is your body's engine. It's at the core of so many answers your body is trying to give you. Lumen gives you all the recommendations you need to improve your metabolic health.
[00:00:40] So, if you want to stay on track with your health this holiday season, go to lumen.me slash fmltalk to get 15% off your Lumen.
[00:00:50] That's L-U-M-E-N dot M-E slash fmltalk for 15% off your purchase. Lumen makes a great gift too. Thank you, Lumen, for sponsoring this episode.
[00:01:07] Hey guys, it's Lana and welcome back for another episode of Seeing Other People.
[00:01:12] Oh my God, you guys. I'm doing an in-person recording right now and I'm still getting used to in-persons because I've spent two years recording on Zoom.
[00:01:20] But, um, I'm here with Carly.
[00:01:27] Hi. I can't believe this just happened. We just recorded for like 15 minutes.
[00:01:31] Yeah. And she was not recording.
[00:01:34] I looked down at the little Zoom recorder and I was like, Carly, we're not recording.
[00:01:40] She's like, what do you mean we're not recording? I'm like, no, like I literally didn't press record.
[00:01:43] And it was so good. It was so good. So now I don't even know what we were talking about.
[00:01:46] Got it. Let's run it back. Run it back. You take it away and I'm just gonna like...
[00:01:50] I got you. That's what I'm here for.
[00:01:51] Great. Carly.
[00:01:52] I don't know what I'm doing.
[00:01:52] Welcome back to Seeing Other People. This is your third time on the podcast.
[00:01:58] I feel very special. I think that's what I said before. I feel very special that I'm on here for a third time.
[00:02:05] I am really excited to have you back. I'm not gonna lie, like your episodes have done really well.
[00:02:11] Are you surprised? No. You seem really surprised.
[00:02:17] No, I actually don't think I'm that interesting. So I am surprised too.
[00:02:20] Okay, miss not interesting. We'll hit 100,000 TikTok followers during this recording.
[00:02:25] Guys, Carly's literally at 99.8K. By the time you listen to this, she will be well over 100K.
[00:02:31] And if you're not following me. We threw our party yesterday. Me and Dani threw Carly a 100K celebration, like got 100 balloons, not 100 balloons, but like the 1-0-0 like giant gold metal balloons.
[00:02:46] And they thought I was gonna hit it.
[00:02:48] 100K cupcakes and brought champagne to pop and she did not hit 100K.
[00:02:54] No, they had a lot of faith in me. They thought I was gonna hit it by my trip to New York. I did not.
[00:03:00] But you know what? It's called manifesting where that was like manifesting my 100K.
[00:03:05] Totally.
[00:03:06] So if you're listening to this and I'm still not there, go follow me.
[00:03:09] That's awkward.
[00:03:09] Yeah, that's really awkward.
[00:03:10] Carly Silverman.
[00:03:11] Carly R.
[00:03:12] Oh, Carly R Silverman?
[00:03:13] You never knew that?
[00:03:14] No.
[00:03:15] Okay. Carly Silverman was taken.
[00:03:17] It's awkward.
[00:03:17] Yeah.
[00:03:18] Well, it sucks.
[00:03:19] I gotta go.
[00:03:21] Carly, give everyone a quick backstory of how we met just to catch those up who haven't
[00:03:26] listened to your previous episodes don't know our friendship.
[00:03:28] Okay, so I'm gonna say it this time?
[00:03:29] You're gonna say it this time.
[00:03:30] Okay, last time she said it.
[00:03:31] It's okay.
[00:03:31] Okay.
[00:03:32] We're starting over.
[00:03:32] We're fresh.
[00:03:33] We're starting over.
[00:03:34] So Alana and I were introduced, we still can't remember who introduced us, by mutual
[00:03:39] friend.
[00:03:40] And they were basically like, you guys should meet, you both do social media, whatever.
[00:03:44] And I don't know who messaged who.
[00:03:46] I know we followed each other.
[00:03:47] I think she messaged me and was like, hey, we should get on a call.
[00:03:50] We do similar things.
[00:03:51] And I'm like, okay.
[00:03:53] It was so awkward.
[00:03:54] We obviously didn't get on a call.
[00:03:55] Never got on a call.
[00:03:56] But then we were just following each other.
[00:03:58] And I didn't think we'd actually become friends.
[00:04:00] But I saw her post one time tennis courts.
[00:04:03] And I was like, hmm, where are those tennis courts?
[00:04:06] And she's like, oh, in West Palm Beach.
[00:04:08] And I'm like, yeah, where?
[00:04:08] And she's like, oh, in my parents.
[00:04:10] Whatever.
[00:04:11] She would not tell me where they were for a minute.
[00:04:12] And I'm like, no, what community are those?
[00:04:14] Well, it's just so weird.
[00:04:14] I posted tennis courts.
[00:04:15] She's like, where is that?
[00:04:17] It's like you didn't say those courts look familiar to me.
[00:04:20] You just like, where is that?
[00:04:21] That was probably creepy.
[00:04:22] Finally, she told me where they were.
[00:04:24] And I'm like, oh, my parents live in that development.
[00:04:27] And not only do her parents also live there, but our parents live five houses down from
[00:04:31] there.
[00:04:31] And let me just say there are like 7000 people in that development.
[00:04:35] So it's fate.
[00:04:36] So Alana and I both got broken up with.
[00:04:40] We both got laid off dating apps.
[00:04:41] Not just got broken up with like.
[00:04:43] Went through a fucking heartbreak.
[00:04:45] Okay.
[00:04:45] Went through hell with guys who we both were like working with and dating.
[00:04:50] Yes.
[00:04:50] Yeah.
[00:04:50] Oh, my God.
[00:04:51] I forgot.
[00:04:51] We were both.
[00:04:52] We have so many like.
[00:04:54] I know.
[00:04:55] We're like.
[00:04:55] That's the whole point.
[00:04:55] We are soulmates.
[00:04:57] Yes.
[00:04:57] We were both working with our exes.
[00:05:00] Both went through an insane heartbreak.
[00:05:02] Both worked at dating apps.
[00:05:03] Both got laid off dating apps.
[00:05:04] And now is just like here.
[00:05:07] Now we're just vibing.
[00:05:07] We're just vibing.
[00:05:08] Vibing, thriving, slaying.
[00:05:10] What do they say?
[00:05:12] Slaying?
[00:05:13] What?
[00:05:13] Slaying.
[00:05:14] Like you're slaying.
[00:05:15] Oh, like slay.
[00:05:16] Yeah.
[00:05:16] Yeah.
[00:05:17] I don't know why in my mind I like.
[00:05:19] But vote.
[00:05:20] I read that as like S L E I G H.
[00:05:22] Oh, like I'm slaying down the snow.
[00:05:24] Yeah.
[00:05:24] You know, I'm like, you're not doing that in Florida.
[00:05:25] No, no.
[00:05:27] Okay.
[00:05:28] So now that everyone's caught up and that we redid the intro that I did not record.
[00:05:33] Can you make sure you're recording?
[00:05:35] I'm recording.
[00:05:35] I checked.
[00:05:36] I've checked like 10 times.
[00:05:38] And I hear us.
[00:05:39] Well, I heard us before too.
[00:05:40] Great.
[00:05:40] Guys, I'm new to recording in person.
[00:05:42] I'm sorry.
[00:05:42] I'm working on it.
[00:05:43] Also, Barkley has taken over half of my chair.
[00:05:45] So I'm like leaning, but it's okay.
[00:05:48] It's better than him standing down there growling at us.
[00:05:51] Yeah, I agree.
[00:05:51] Okay.
[00:05:52] I posted a story Q and a box for this episode to get a bunch of questions from you guys.
[00:05:59] There are a ton.
[00:05:59] I also want to get through listener questions.
[00:06:02] But there's a few other topics that Carly and I have kind of talked about.
[00:06:05] We're like, oh my God, we should definitely talk about this on the podcast.
[00:06:07] So I want to start with things that we hear online or on social media from like influencers
[00:06:14] who everyone just kind of like bows down to and like follows that really like piss us off.
[00:06:19] Okay.
[00:06:20] Does anything come to mind at first when I say that?
[00:06:23] Um, we're not going to name names.
[00:06:24] Like this is all, all, all friendly.
[00:06:26] I feel like I see a lot of, I don't know if it's people that are quote unquote dating experts
[00:06:35] or relationship experts or people just giving dating advice.
[00:06:39] But I constantly see people talk about how you, I don't know how to, I don't even know
[00:06:45] how to preface this, like how you don't have a good relationship unless you're having sex
[00:06:51] like every night.
[00:06:52] Yeah.
[00:06:52] And I just don't agree with that.
[00:06:55] I do not agree with it.
[00:06:57] And I feel like I see a lot of dating people say, oh, well, it's such a red flag or it's
[00:07:03] such a bad side in your relationship.
[00:07:04] If you're not having sex every night or every other night in the first two to three years,
[00:07:09] like obviously I know as you date longer, you know, life's whatever.
[00:07:16] I just don't agree with that.
[00:07:17] It makes me so frustrated, like especially that specific example, but any situation where
[00:07:23] it's like, oh, you have to be doing this.
[00:07:25] Otherwise there's something wrong in your relationship.
[00:07:27] Yeah.
[00:07:28] It's like, first of all, who the fuck are you to tell me what's wrong in my relationship
[00:07:33] based on your standards?
[00:07:34] Like if that's what you want, fine, but that might be what works for you.
[00:07:38] That doesn't mean that's what works for me.
[00:07:40] Also, it just making statements like that makes people like second guess themselves so
[00:07:48] much.
[00:07:48] Oh my God.
[00:07:48] The amount of times I've second guessed myself from seeing people say that I have, I'll be
[00:07:54] honest.
[00:07:54] I have a very low sex drive.
[00:07:56] I'm not someone that's overly sexual.
[00:07:59] I'm never.
[00:08:00] Yeah.
[00:08:00] Mom, don't listen to this.
[00:08:01] And dad, please.
[00:08:02] I never actually, my mom tells me she does too.
[00:08:05] So.
[00:08:06] Oh no, she has a little sex drive also.
[00:08:08] No, we're telling everyone.
[00:08:10] Now I'm telling the world.
[00:08:12] Um, I always have, and that's not going to change with who I'm.
[00:08:17] No matter who you're with.
[00:08:18] Yeah.
[00:08:18] I've gone to doctors about it.
[00:08:20] I've taken medicine for it.
[00:08:21] That's just not going to change.
[00:08:22] And I'm sorry, but just because I'm not having sex with my boyfriend every single
[00:08:26] night does not mean I love him any less.
[00:08:29] Yeah.
[00:08:29] And the amount of times I've had to like second guess myself, like, oh my God, do I not love
[00:08:34] him?
[00:08:35] Because I'm not.
[00:08:36] But like all over him, like, want to jump his bones.
[00:08:39] Yeah.
[00:08:39] Rip my clothes off every time I see him.
[00:08:41] Like, no, I don't.
[00:08:43] That is one part of your relationship.
[00:08:45] Just one.
[00:08:46] And guess how many other parts of their, of your relationship there are?
[00:08:49] A million.
[00:08:49] A million.
[00:08:50] There are so many.
[00:08:51] And listen, we obviously have sex, but I'm just not saying I'm, we obviously have sex,
[00:08:55] but I'm saying you don't need to like, you don't need to feel like you have sex
[00:08:59] every single night for it to be a good relationship.
[00:09:02] Yeah.
[00:09:02] And I think this specific case is like so extra frustrating because everyone's relationship
[00:09:10] with sex is so different and sensitive and people have been through shit.
[00:09:16] And it's just so frustrating when there's like that statement put out there of this is
[00:09:22] what your relationship needs to be.
[00:09:25] Otherwise there's something wrong.
[00:09:26] Yeah.
[00:09:26] I hear it all the time too.
[00:09:28] I really do.
[00:09:28] And it, it frustrates the shit out of me.
[00:09:31] It's like, oh, you're not constantly wanting to have sex with your boyfriend in the first
[00:09:36] two years, then you shouldn't be with him.
[00:09:38] It's like, no, that's not true.
[00:09:40] We are all so different.
[00:09:41] Our bodies are made up different.
[00:09:42] Our brain chemistry is made up different.
[00:09:44] We all have things going on in our lives.
[00:09:46] Like also it goes in phases.
[00:09:48] Like I, especially like I really go in phases.
[00:09:50] Like I will go months where I just feeling in a funk and depressed and I will not want
[00:09:56] to be touched.
[00:09:56] I'm sorry.
[00:09:57] But then I'll go through months where I will feel amazing and be like, great.
[00:10:00] Like it's just, I've never been a huge sexual person and that's not going to change depending
[00:10:07] on what partner I have.
[00:10:09] So I'm sick of hearing that just because I don't have sex every night with my boyfriend,
[00:10:12] we're not in a good relationship.
[00:10:13] It almost brings me back to like me being single and not finding the partner and going on dates
[00:10:22] and trying and then questioning like what's wrong with me.
[00:10:24] Yeah.
[00:10:25] It's like hearing these things and seeing people post about this makes me again question
[00:10:29] like, well, what's wrong with me if I'm not doing that?
[00:10:31] And what's wrong with my relationship?
[00:10:32] And it's just like to each their fucking own.
[00:10:34] Yeah.
[00:10:35] Why can't we just let people be?
[00:10:37] No, I don't understand.
[00:10:38] It blows my mind.
[00:10:40] So if you're out there and you're seeing quote unquote,
[00:10:43] advice or you're seeing people talk about things that maybe you don't align with or agree
[00:10:48] with, don't question yourself.
[00:10:50] Yeah.
[00:10:51] Do you feel you?
[00:10:53] Everyone's their own person.
[00:10:54] And if for every person who says something that you don't agree with, like you'll find
[00:10:58] somebody who preaches things that you do agree with and that feel more right for you.
[00:11:01] So just make sure like if you're following people who are saying things and posting things
[00:11:07] that like really don't align with you, no one's forcing you to follow them.
[00:11:10] Yeah.
[00:11:11] Yeah.
[00:11:11] We should take that advice.
[00:11:12] Yeah, we should.
[00:11:13] The amount of people I follow where I'm like, I'm like, oh shit.
[00:11:16] Should I should be doing this?
[00:11:17] That's another thing now I'm self-conscious about.
[00:11:19] Yeah.
[00:11:19] Yeah.
[00:11:19] Fuck.
[00:11:20] Yeah.
[00:11:20] Okay.
[00:11:20] Okay.
[00:11:21] I posted a question box on the story and a ton of people submitted amazing questions.
[00:11:25] So I want to get through them.
[00:11:26] And then I also have some listener questions that are very like situational and we are going
[00:11:30] to give the people some advice.
[00:11:32] So let's start with the quicker Q and A's.
[00:11:35] So let's start with the first question that I want to ask you or that a listener sent in is Carly.
[00:11:42] Do you hold any resentment towards locks club?
[00:11:46] So back story, rewinding Carly worked at locks club and dating app and in the fall kind of blindsided out of nowhere.
[00:11:58] Similarly to me at hinge was let go and lost her job.
[00:12:01] Yes.
[00:12:03] Um, Oh, do I hold resentment?
[00:12:07] Listen, so locks club had a big place in my heart.
[00:12:13] I was the first employee.
[00:12:15] I felt like I really helped them, you know, start this company.
[00:12:21] Um, I made it my entire life.
[00:12:24] And I think because I did that getting laid off.
[00:12:31] It was really upsetting.
[00:12:33] I was depressed and I don't think I've ever spoken about that.
[00:12:37] Be like, I kind of after I got laid off, I went on tick tock and was like, yeah, like I'm fine.
[00:12:43] Like time to do my own thing.
[00:12:44] Time to start my own.
[00:12:45] Dancing by the pool.
[00:12:46] Dancing by the pool.
[00:12:47] Yeah.
[00:12:47] I remember that tick tock.
[00:12:48] I was depressed.
[00:12:49] I went back on medicine, um, anti-anxiety medicine.
[00:12:53] I was, I stuck myself in my room and I just cried for days.
[00:13:00] Um, I understand business is business and you have to do what you have to do.
[00:13:04] And at first, obviously I was hurt.
[00:13:08] Um, but we kept a good relationship.
[00:13:13] At least some of the people I kept a good relationship with.
[00:13:18] And after the fact, after the fact, and I really tried my hardest to make the effort to keep that relationship because we were best friends.
[00:13:27] I was best friends with everyone on that team.
[00:13:30] Um, and I felt like as I was trying to go off and do my own thing and figure out what I wanted.
[00:13:38] People were coming at me, basically being like, why are you doing that?
[00:13:42] Like I full transparency.
[00:13:44] I put on my Instagram story that I wanted to help match make people.
[00:13:49] And I thought it would be so fun.
[00:13:51] I've loved setting people up.
[00:13:52] That's why I joined locks club to begin with.
[00:13:54] And I got shit on for doing that by, by people at the company.
[00:13:58] And it was really upsetting because I was just trying to fly and do my own thing.
[00:14:04] And, and so I didn't end up really doing the matchmaking thing, which kind of sucks.
[00:14:08] Cause I loved it.
[00:14:09] Um, you guys, Carly got like a thousand people.
[00:14:12] Yeah.
[00:14:12] I actually a thousand people.
[00:14:14] And I set some people up.
[00:14:16] I just didn't publicly go forward that I, I was never going to create an app.
[00:14:20] I was never going to create a website.
[00:14:22] I was never going to create a business around it.
[00:14:24] You were hoping to get like 30 people who just like wanted to set up.
[00:14:26] I was just doing it for fun.
[00:14:28] And it really upset me that I almost felt like I couldn't.
[00:14:32] Yeah.
[00:14:33] And so to answer your question, am I resentful?
[00:14:37] I wouldn't say I'm resentful just because I understand that you have to do like business is business.
[00:14:43] You, yeah, I wasn't helping the business anymore, I guess.
[00:14:47] So they had to let me go.
[00:14:48] I mean, it's not even, it's not necessarily that.
[00:14:50] Right.
[00:14:51] Right.
[00:14:51] No, I, I know.
[00:14:53] I took it personally for sure.
[00:14:55] I took it personally, but ultimately like I, I'm kind of like healing a breakup.
[00:15:01] Yeah.
[00:15:01] Like I never got the closure I needed and I had to find that closure on my own.
[00:15:06] Just like you never get closure from a breakup.
[00:15:08] You just never will.
[00:15:09] So stop seeking it and just trying to move on.
[00:15:12] And I think in the long run, I'm very happy that it happened.
[00:15:16] I don't have, I don't feel like I have the friendships that I did, which make me really upset.
[00:15:22] Of course, with some of them I do, but it's different and it sucks.
[00:15:26] And I'm sad about it.
[00:15:28] I know they did a big, uh, big retreat in Florida the other week and you know, no one reached out to me.
[00:15:34] No one, they were outside my apartment and no one said anything.
[00:15:37] Yeah.
[00:15:38] Which really upset me, you know, cause I thought we left on a really good note and it just, it sucked.
[00:15:43] It fucking sucked.
[00:15:44] It really is like a breakup.
[00:15:46] No, it fully is a breakup.
[00:15:47] I still feel it.
[00:15:47] I still get upset when I see, you know, I hope, listen, I hope the company does amazing.
[00:15:53] I wish nothing but the best for the actual company and I think it's going to thrive.
[00:15:58] But personally, I don't have that.
[00:16:01] Yeah.
[00:16:01] It really hurt.
[00:16:02] It hurt.
[00:16:03] It's, I mean, that's exactly how I felt with Hinge.
[00:16:07] And I think that's part of the reason, I mean, like you and I connected so much and really like became best friends through your healing process.
[00:16:14] Cause like, we trauma bonded.
[00:16:16] We literally chumped on it cause it's what I went through in 2020.
[00:16:20] Yeah.
[00:16:21] And it's hard.
[00:16:23] And I, you know, you said something that you really made the working at locks club, like your whole life and your whole personality.
[00:16:29] And that's, I mean, literally my social media handles were at Alana from Hinge.
[00:16:33] Like it was my life.
[00:16:35] But like, why do we do that?
[00:16:38] I'll never do it again.
[00:16:39] I really, I'll never do it again because I, but here we are right now making our work, our life.
[00:16:44] I know.
[00:16:45] But you know what?
[00:16:46] It's our own work.
[00:16:47] It's on us.
[00:16:48] It's our own work.
[00:16:48] I'm not, I'm not working for someone else's company.
[00:16:51] We're not like building somebody else up.
[00:16:52] Yeah.
[00:16:53] And yeah, we, I really made that shit my life.
[00:16:56] Yeah.
[00:16:56] And then when I was like, Oh, I was like, what the fuck do I do now?
[00:16:59] Yeah, guys don't do that.
[00:16:59] It's, it's the same thing.
[00:17:01] Career and relationships are so similar.
[00:17:03] It's the same thing as getting into a relationship and making that entire person your whole life.
[00:17:08] And like only spending time with that person, you know, being codependent and leaning on them for everything.
[00:17:13] And you know, not hanging out with your other friends anymore.
[00:17:15] Cause you're only hanging out with me with your coworkers, your significant other.
[00:17:18] It's, you always have to really make an effort to maintain your individual life outside of your job, outside of your relationship, your friendships, whatever it is that you're doing.
[00:17:29] Yeah.
[00:17:30] Yeah.
[00:17:31] I put Carly on the spot the other day and I was like, would you rather, I just texted her out of the blue, have not gotten let go from locks club and still have your job, but like us not be close or have gotten let go from locks club and us be best friends.
[00:17:46] There is no question.
[00:17:48] There was just no question about that answer.
[00:17:52] Next listener question that was sent in.
[00:17:54] Um, I like this one.
[00:17:55] What are the best compliments that someone has given each of you?
[00:18:00] Um, that I look like Jennifer Aniston.
[00:18:02] Oh my God, you do.
[00:18:05] No, I'll never not say it.
[00:18:07] Holy shit.
[00:18:08] Jennifer, have you ever listened to this?
[00:18:10] We're friends.
[00:18:11] Wait, I'm freaking out.
[00:18:13] And I've gotten it.
[00:18:14] Oh my God.
[00:18:14] No, you really do.
[00:18:15] I've never.
[00:18:16] Ah, she was on my TV all night last night.
[00:18:19] I've gotten it since I was like 10 years old, even before my nose job because she also had a nose job.
[00:18:26] So I also have another thing we have in common.
[00:18:28] Yeah.
[00:18:28] But we, I also looked like her before her nose job when I didn't have my nose job.
[00:18:32] And now I also look like her after the fact.
[00:18:34] I'm freaking out.
[00:18:34] I can't.
[00:18:35] I'm like just staring at you.
[00:18:36] No, it's my favorite compliment.
[00:18:38] Oh, it makes me so happy when people randomly write on my like old Tik Toks.
[00:18:42] Like this is Jennifer Aniston.
[00:18:43] I'm like, Oh, you just made my life.
[00:18:45] Okay. Well mine is that in that realm, which I wasn't thinking about.
[00:18:49] I've never heard of it before, but is that I look like Meredith Gray.
[00:18:52] Oh, a thousand percent.
[00:18:54] This is an elephant.
[00:18:54] Oh my God.
[00:18:55] Are Ellen and Jen BFFs now?
[00:18:57] I think so.
[00:18:57] We have to find a picture of them.
[00:18:58] There's gotta be a picture of them somewhere.
[00:19:00] There has to be.
[00:19:00] And like recreate it.
[00:19:01] I love her.
[00:19:02] Oh, me too.
[00:19:03] Yeah.
[00:19:04] Okay.
[00:19:05] What about, let's take this question in a different sense in terms of like dating,
[00:19:09] like a compliment from a guy.
[00:19:12] What's my favorite compliment a guy has given me?
[00:19:15] Yeah.
[00:19:15] No, I'm kidding.
[00:19:17] Um, they actually have though.
[00:19:19] Um, probably are we talking about physical?
[00:19:22] Whatever.
[00:19:24] My eyes.
[00:19:25] I feel like that's the first thing guys will compliment me on.
[00:19:29] And I feel like you too.
[00:19:30] I don't, I hate to say this, but like, I don't know.
[00:19:35] Like I'm like, have guys really complimented me that much?
[00:19:37] Like nothing's really coming to mind.
[00:19:41] Well, it's also weird.
[00:19:42] Cause when you've been like dating someone for so long, you kind of forget.
[00:19:45] Yeah.
[00:19:46] Now I sound like a fucking bitch.
[00:19:49] I'm like, yeah, my eyes and my Jennifer Aniston.
[00:19:52] Like I don't get compliments all the time.
[00:19:55] Let me just make that very clear.
[00:19:57] It's a rare occasion.
[00:19:59] I don't know.
[00:20:00] I think, I think my favorite compliment is like, I feel so comfortable with you.
[00:20:04] Oh, that's a good one.
[00:20:06] Oh, you're not to say someone's given that to me before, but like, yeah, maybe.
[00:20:10] Yeah. That's a good one.
[00:20:11] Yeah.
[00:20:12] I like that.
[00:20:13] Okay. Next question.
[00:20:14] Who has had more relationship drama between the two of you?
[00:20:17] I don't really know how to take this question.
[00:20:20] I'm going to kind of take it as like dating relationship history drama.
[00:20:24] Yeah.
[00:20:25] I would say me.
[00:20:26] I'd say equal.
[00:20:27] Actually.
[00:20:28] Yeah, probably.
[00:20:29] We don't know.
[00:20:29] We weren't there for it, but I would say equal.
[00:20:32] Yeah.
[00:20:33] Like, I don't know, like the in depth of yours.
[00:20:36] I would say equal to, we have so much time.
[00:20:39] We have so much time.
[00:20:40] So much time.
[00:20:41] We'll get through it all.
[00:20:42] Oh my God.
[00:20:43] Yeah.
[00:20:44] Okay.
[00:20:44] It's equal.
[00:20:46] Who's funnier?
[00:20:49] You want to say you.
[00:20:51] No, I don't think I'm funny.
[00:20:52] Really?
[00:20:53] I was going to say you.
[00:20:54] Really?
[00:20:54] Yeah.
[00:20:55] I don't think I'm funny.
[00:20:55] I don't think I'm funny either, but then people tell me I'm funny.
[00:20:59] I'm like, oh, I think people definitely laugh at me more than with me.
[00:21:05] I think so.
[00:21:06] I mean, I think that's the case when you're putting yourself out there on the internet
[00:21:10] in any situation.
[00:21:12] Yeah.
[00:21:12] Like, I'm never someone that people said like, oh, you're funny.
[00:21:15] Like, I'm not funny.
[00:21:16] A lot of people do laugh with you because.
[00:21:18] Okay.
[00:21:19] So yesterday we were trying to figure out when we first like knew of each other.
[00:21:24] And I looked at my text messages and typed in Carly Silverman.
[00:21:27] And literally before we were introduced, like three days before we were like introduced
[00:21:32] to each other, I sent him one of her videos because I related to it.
[00:21:37] I sent Jake one of Carly's videos before we knew, like literally three days before
[00:21:41] we were going to be connected.
[00:21:42] How crazy is that?
[00:21:43] No, it's so wild.
[00:21:45] But do people say you're funny?
[00:21:46] I've actually been told by a former boss of mine that I was a comedy writer, that that
[00:21:52] was a part of my like job.
[00:21:53] And I'm like, wait, what?
[00:21:55] Yeah.
[00:21:55] And I was like, oh, I'm like, honestly, that's that was the best compliment.
[00:21:58] You do help me with my copy.
[00:22:00] Like you are a good writer.
[00:22:01] I think I don't.
[00:22:02] But.
[00:22:02] Yeah.
[00:22:03] No, I'm definitely not funny.
[00:22:04] All right.
[00:22:06] Um, okay.
[00:22:08] This is a good question.
[00:22:08] How to find friends that are in the same life stage as you.
[00:22:11] Example.
[00:22:12] I'm single and my friends aren't.
[00:22:14] Mm.
[00:22:14] Mm hmm.
[00:22:14] That's tough.
[00:22:16] Oh, yeah, that's tough.
[00:22:18] I you got to put yourself out there.
[00:22:20] I feel like like you're not just going to meet friends by someone showing up at your
[00:22:27] doorstep.
[00:22:28] I think you just need to social media is fucking great.
[00:22:32] Like that's how we met.
[00:22:33] That's how I've met now.
[00:22:34] Most of my really, really good friends.
[00:22:36] Yeah.
[00:22:37] It's just finding people you think you would buy with and be like, hey, let's get coffee.
[00:22:41] I agree.
[00:22:42] I think putting yourself out there in all different situations like are there hobbies you
[00:22:46] like?
[00:22:46] Let's say you're a runner.
[00:22:47] Join a running club.
[00:22:48] Yeah.
[00:22:48] Or if you're single, you know, if this is someone's asking, you know, I'm single.
[00:22:52] Go to events.
[00:22:54] Go to these mixers.
[00:22:55] Like I know there are so many.
[00:22:58] I know you've had them.
[00:22:59] And even not not necessarily to like meet someone today.
[00:23:03] No, there are going to be other people who are going there.
[00:23:05] So like awkward and nervous to go there alone and just like team up.
[00:23:09] Yeah.
[00:23:09] I have to say like one shout out.
[00:23:12] I will give locks club is a lot of people meet friends at the event.
[00:23:16] Yeah.
[00:23:17] And I think that's a great way.
[00:23:18] It just go to events.
[00:23:19] I went to an event by myself the other day alone and I was so nervous.
[00:23:23] Like I was tired.
[00:23:24] She was texting me all day being like, should I not go?
[00:23:26] I was freaking out.
[00:23:27] And I was like, why?
[00:23:28] Whatever.
[00:23:29] I was like, what do I have to lose?
[00:23:30] I walked in, got a drink, kind of vibed with myself for a little.
[00:23:33] And then I met some awesome people and you just have to put yourself out there and put
[00:23:37] yourself in uncomfortable situations.
[00:23:38] And I swear it'll work out.
[00:23:40] And one thing I'll say, and I'll give credit to Tinks on this because she's talked about
[00:23:43] it a lot on her podcast.
[00:23:45] But when you walk into an event or a room, do not have your phone out.
[00:23:49] Like do not be on your phone.
[00:23:50] Yeah, that makes you look so unapproachable.
[00:23:51] And so, you know, you might quote unquote, put yourself out there and go to an event, but then
[00:23:56] have a bad time.
[00:23:57] And guess what?
[00:23:58] You were actually like staring at your phone the entire time.
[00:24:00] So you weren't looking to meet anybody and no one felt like they could approach you because
[00:24:04] you were unapproachable.
[00:24:05] You had texted me being like, I haven't heard from you.
[00:24:08] So I'm assuming it's going okay.
[00:24:09] And I haven't, I didn't look at it for like two hours because I told myself I would not
[00:24:13] touch my phone.
[00:24:14] That's amazing.
[00:24:14] Besides take content.
[00:24:15] Yeah.
[00:24:15] Cause I needed to.
[00:24:16] Yeah.
[00:24:17] I love that.
[00:24:18] What should I do if my boyfriend's female friends barely talk to me while, what should
[00:24:23] I do if my boyfriend's female friend barely talks to me while on a double date?
[00:24:28] Hmm.
[00:24:29] Hmm.
[00:24:30] Honestly, you can't control someone else.
[00:24:33] So you just do you, you keep making that effort.
[00:24:37] Yeah.
[00:24:37] Tell them with kindness.
[00:24:39] And I would say, don't try.
[00:24:41] This is so hard, so much easier said than done, but try not to take it personally.
[00:24:45] Yeah.
[00:24:45] Because all you can do is be you and this might be on them.
[00:24:50] Like they might be really shy, you know, maybe they're really anxious about being there
[00:24:53] or like feel awkward or uncomfortable for whatever, whatever reason that has actually nothing
[00:24:57] to do with you.
[00:24:58] Don't take it personally.
[00:24:59] I like that.
[00:25:00] All you can do is be you and, you know, treat them as if they were your friend anyway.
[00:25:05] And maybe sometimes a lot of people, you know, this happened to me yesterday.
[00:25:11] People are all different.
[00:25:12] And so I had an interaction with somebody yesterday for about like four minutes and I walked away
[00:25:19] thinking, Oh my God, this person like really doesn't like me.
[00:25:22] I feel like so self-conscious right now.
[00:25:24] Like, do they hate me?
[00:25:26] Like, did I do something wrong?
[00:25:27] And then I later talked to our mutual friend about it.
[00:25:32] And the mutual friend was like, no, they're really shy.
[00:25:35] They take a really long time to open up.
[00:25:36] Like it has nothing to do with you.
[00:25:37] And I'm like, wow, that sucks that I just like left that experience, like internalizing
[00:25:42] that there's something about me that this person didn't like.
[00:25:44] Meanwhile, this person's just shy and not the most like, like not everyone is going
[00:25:49] to like want to like love you from the start.
[00:25:51] And everyone is so different.
[00:25:54] We all have different personalities.
[00:25:54] And so I just hate that.
[00:25:56] I like left this interaction thinking negatively about myself when it had nothing to do with
[00:26:03] me.
[00:26:03] Also, this brings up another topic.
[00:26:06] I kind of wanted to talk to you about.
[00:26:07] Yeah.
[00:26:08] It's okay that not everyone is going to like you.
[00:26:11] And that is something I have really, really, really been struggling with.
[00:26:15] Um, especially the past six months, I feel like I've gone through a lot of rejection and
[00:26:21] loss with some of my best friends.
[00:26:24] And I've had to accept the fact that it's okay that not everyone is going to like you.
[00:26:31] And to not take it so personally, like what did I do?
[00:26:34] What's wrong with me?
[00:26:35] Why don't, why doesn't this person like me or whatever?
[00:26:38] Like I've been going through it and it's fucking shitty.
[00:26:42] And I'm just kind of now realizing it's okay.
[00:26:47] Yeah.
[00:26:47] You don't have to have 5 million friends and they don't all have to like you.
[00:26:52] Find the people that really lift you up and like you for you and not give you that anxiety
[00:26:58] feeling.
[00:26:58] I'm just, I don't know.
[00:27:00] That just brought up like, it's okay that people, if they don't like you, they don't
[00:27:03] like you.
[00:27:03] Who cares?
[00:27:04] And you shouldn't change something about you for somebody else.
[00:27:08] Yeah.
[00:27:09] Especially if it's somebody who already, like if they don't like you, like who that like,
[00:27:13] yes, of course we care.
[00:27:15] Yeah.
[00:27:15] But it's, but there are people who do like you and they're people who love you for exactly
[00:27:20] who you are.
[00:27:21] So why should you feel the need to change for the people who don't love you or who are judging
[00:27:27] you or who are treating you poorly?
[00:27:28] It's like, if anything, we should make sure that the people who love us, like,
[00:27:33] know how special they are to us instead of focusing our energy on, oh, well, these people
[00:27:39] don't like me.
[00:27:39] Like, how can I change myself to get them to like me?
[00:27:42] It's like, no, don't change yourself.
[00:27:44] There are people who love you.
[00:27:45] Like if your boyfriend's female friend isn't talking to you, like, or doesn't love
[00:27:50] you, who the fuck cares?
[00:27:51] Your boyfriend loves you.
[00:27:52] Yeah, exactly.
[00:27:53] Your, your friends love you.
[00:27:55] You're not going to be loved by everyone.
[00:27:56] And that's what I am really starting to realize and it sucks, but it's okay.
[00:28:01] Like Demi Lovato once said, for every person who likes you, there will be somebody who dislikes
[00:28:07] you.
[00:28:07] Yeah.
[00:28:08] Also, another topic just on like friendship, something I heard the other day is there's
[00:28:14] no such thing as a bad friend.
[00:28:17] I forget who said it, but hear me out on this.
[00:28:19] Interesting.
[00:28:19] Hear me out.
[00:28:20] Interesting.
[00:28:20] Because the definition of a friend, I don't know the definition.
[00:28:23] If they're a bad friend, they're not a friend.
[00:28:25] Exactly.
[00:28:25] That's what I'm trying to say.
[00:28:26] If they are a, I forget where I saw it and I really wish, there is no such thing as a
[00:28:30] bad friend because if they are a friend, they're a friend.
[00:28:33] Yeah.
[00:28:34] They, they, they love you.
[00:28:35] They lift you up.
[00:28:36] They want to be there for you.
[00:28:37] They want to support you, celebrate your wins and be there at your worst times.
[00:28:41] There is no such thing as a bad friend.
[00:28:42] So if you're feeling like someone is being a quote unquote bad friend, maybe they're
[00:28:46] just not your friend.
[00:28:48] It's so crazy because we never learn about friendship or relationships.
[00:28:53] We just like are born and then experience them.
[00:28:57] And then sometimes they end.
[00:28:59] Sometimes they fizzle.
[00:29:00] Sometimes there's tension.
[00:29:02] Sometimes there's fights.
[00:29:03] Sometimes there's new ones that come in.
[00:29:05] We're never taught how to like actually properly navigate these situations and approach
[00:29:10] them.
[00:29:10] And I've never heard that in, in my 28 and a half years of life.
[00:29:14] I've never heard that before.
[00:29:16] I just saw it the other day.
[00:29:17] Yeah.
[00:29:18] And that's okay.
[00:29:19] And it's fine.
[00:29:20] It's okay.
[00:29:21] Also, it's okay that people change and friendships change and you make new ones and you may lose
[00:29:27] some old ones and just, it's okay.
[00:29:30] That's life.
[00:29:30] You know what?
[00:29:31] Yesterday we were with Danny and her fiance Ari and Danny mentioned how they've been together
[00:29:37] for seven years.
[00:29:38] Like they met when they were right out of college.
[00:29:41] And I, I almost said this, but I didn't just cause the conversation like continued and changed
[00:29:45] and whatever.
[00:29:46] But to me, I think that is so wildly impressive and rare that you could meet someone at that
[00:29:51] young of an age and make it because of how much we change, especially in our twenties.
[00:29:59] Oh my God.
[00:29:59] Yeah.
[00:30:00] That's so true.
[00:30:02] I, yeah.
[00:30:04] Like I'm not the same person.
[00:30:06] Oh my God.
[00:30:06] I'm not the same person I was when I was like 22.
[00:30:09] I'm not the same person I was six months ago.
[00:30:11] Yeah.
[00:30:11] Like you are evolving and changing so much and it's, I don't know.
[00:30:18] It's just finding the happiness with who you are now and just being so confident with who
[00:30:23] you are now and really just going for it.
[00:30:25] Yeah.
[00:30:26] Instead of worrying so much about what you've lost.
[00:30:29] I don't know.
[00:30:30] I'm just staring at Carly thinking, wow, Jennifer Aniston's on seeing other people right now.
[00:30:38] This is crazy.
[00:30:39] But yeah, I mean, look, you're going to change.
[00:30:42] Other people are going to change.
[00:30:43] It's okay.
[00:30:43] Like relationships will end.
[00:30:44] Friendships will end.
[00:30:45] And guess what?
[00:30:46] Like new people will come in.
[00:30:47] And like Jake and I actually have talked about this a lot recently where like we, of course,
[00:30:51] like we love our friends right now and there are people and they're who we like spend our
[00:30:55] free time with when we're not just, when we're not working, when we're not spending
[00:30:57] our time together.
[00:30:58] Um, and it's, it is so weird to think about the reality that, you know, in a few years,
[00:31:03] most of us are going to like move to the suburbs and we're going to end up in different
[00:31:06] towns.
[00:31:07] And in five years from now, 10 years from now, the people that we're going to be spending
[00:31:10] time with are going to be different.
[00:31:11] Oh yeah.
[00:31:12] And we're the second half of our lives are going to be spent with like our kids, friends, parents,
[00:31:17] parents, and those are going to be our best friends that we haven't met yet.
[00:31:20] And not to say that our friendships now aren't going to last, but they will change.
[00:31:24] And that's a really difficult concept to like grasp and to accept, but it's a part of life.
[00:31:33] And at the same time, like how cool is it that we're all going to have best friends
[00:31:36] that we haven't met yet?
[00:31:37] Yeah.
[00:31:37] Like even like us, like meeting you, it gives me so much hope.
[00:31:41] A hundred percent.
[00:31:43] A hundred percent.
[00:31:44] Yeah.
[00:31:45] Okay.
[00:31:46] Carly, what makes Jason different than all of the other guys you've dated in the past?
[00:31:51] Ah, um, he just gets me.
[00:31:59] I am really weird.
[00:32:01] I like, I really am so fucking weird.
[00:32:04] And I have, I feel like I have 10,000 different personalities and my mood can switch in a second.
[00:32:10] And who I am, he just gets me and loves me for every little part of me where I feel like
[00:32:18] in my past relationships and just people I've dated, they would get to know different sides
[00:32:24] of me and be like, Ooh, wait, like I don't like that side.
[00:32:27] Yeah.
[00:32:28] Jason just kind of accepts who I am and loves me for it.
[00:32:33] And I don't know.
[00:32:35] He's just a good one.
[00:32:36] He's just a good one.
[00:32:37] And it took a very long time for me to find that and to open up to that.
[00:32:42] And I'm just so happy I did.
[00:32:46] I know.
[00:32:47] I'm not, I don't, I'm not a romantic.
[00:32:48] I don't usually like, I don't like the mushy, gushy stuff usually, but.
[00:32:53] You know, it's funny.
[00:32:55] I always did.
[00:32:57] I was the biggest, like, I want my life to be like a romantic comedy.
[00:33:00] Like I want my relationship to be a movie.
[00:33:02] Like my high school boyfriend and I would literally like the notes that we would write
[00:33:06] to each other.
[00:33:07] I, I like when I was packing up the Armonk house and my room and stuff, I found a note
[00:33:11] from him and it was literally like Lonnie, like was what he called me like L.A.N.
[00:33:16] And I, I don't know.
[00:33:16] He's like, I love you more than anybody's ever loved anyone ever.
[00:33:20] Like, like, like, and that's like what I wanted.
[00:33:23] And it's so funny.
[00:33:24] Cause me and Jake are so not like that with each other.
[00:33:27] Like it is the complete opposite.
[00:33:29] And it's so funny how that like changed over time.
[00:33:32] It's so weird.
[00:33:32] Yeah.
[00:33:33] And it's okay.
[00:33:34] Yeah.
[00:33:36] Someone's going to be like, I heard your podcast and heard that you and Jake weren't
[00:33:39] all lovey dovey.
[00:33:39] And that's a red flag.
[00:33:40] Yeah.
[00:33:42] Okay.
[00:33:42] Follow up question for you.
[00:33:43] Is Carly giving Jason a proposal deadline?
[00:33:48] Time's a ticket.
[00:33:50] No.
[00:33:50] Um, let me just say, because I understand that my bit on Tik TOK is like, when the fuck
[00:33:56] are you proposing?
[00:33:57] Yeah.
[00:33:58] What are you going to make content about after he proposed?
[00:34:00] I don't know.
[00:34:01] Listen, yes, I would love to get engaged soon, but like, he's not on a deadline.
[00:34:07] He also doesn't give a shit how much I talk about it.
[00:34:10] Like, I think people always ask me like, stop pressuring him.
[00:34:13] Like he's not pressured.
[00:34:14] Like he does not give a shit what I say on Tik TOK.
[00:34:16] He doesn't care what I like.
[00:34:18] There's no deadline by end of this year.
[00:34:21] That's the deadline.
[00:34:23] You know what?
[00:34:23] I take it back.
[00:34:24] There's a deadline.
[00:34:26] The world will end on December 31st at 11 59 PM.
[00:34:31] Yep.
[00:34:32] Eastern standard time.
[00:34:33] If Jason has not proposed to Carly.
[00:34:35] Also like I want all, like I would have a kid yesterday if it was up to me.
[00:34:41] No, but I would.
[00:34:44] No, he needs, he needs to be, we need to be financially.
[00:34:47] Maybe you should do a swap because Jake would have a kid yesterday too.
[00:34:50] You know what?
[00:34:50] I'm down.
[00:34:51] Just swap.
[00:34:52] Will he move to Florida?
[00:34:54] Maybe.
[00:34:55] All right.
[00:34:55] Maybe.
[00:34:56] Um, uh, next question.
[00:34:59] Has anyone thought that it's weird that you guys met on Tik TOK?
[00:35:02] I think it's so cool.
[00:35:04] Oh my God.
[00:35:05] I don't know if they have, they haven't said it to our faces.
[00:35:08] Honestly, I'm sure people are like, oh, they just met another suddenly like, yeah.
[00:35:15] Tired at the hip.
[00:35:16] Yeah.
[00:35:16] I don't know.
[00:35:17] I don't know.
[00:35:18] You know what I wonder?
[00:35:18] I wonder what my other friend, like, I wonder what my friends think.
[00:35:22] Yeah.
[00:35:23] Same.
[00:35:24] I know like my one best friend, like tells me all the time, like, it's so amazing, but
[00:35:29] the people that I, my other friends, I don't know.
[00:35:33] I don't know if they're judging me.
[00:35:35] I don't know.
[00:35:35] Well, it's also hard cause we don't live in the same place.
[00:35:37] So it's hard to like, like, like Kerwin and Carly have FaceTime, but Kerwin, when Carly
[00:35:41] and I've been together and Kerwin's like, oh my God, I'm obsessed with Carly.
[00:35:43] Like I want to hang out with you guys, but we don't live in the same place.
[00:35:47] So we haven't actually gotten to like meet each other's friends.
[00:35:51] Yeah.
[00:35:51] And I don't know if like, I don't know.
[00:35:54] Well, I mean, maybe, obviously, but like anytime soon, like, I don't know.
[00:36:00] I don't know.
[00:36:01] But if you're listening to this and you're judging or you think it's weird, then jokes on
[00:36:05] you.
[00:36:06] We're fine.
[00:36:07] We'd love for you to hang out with us.
[00:36:08] Yeah.
[00:36:09] Like literally jokes on you.
[00:36:11] No, honestly, I pride myself in being an early adapter of making friends on the internet.
[00:36:15] I'm going back to literally middle school when it was like stranger danger.
[00:36:18] Do not talk to people on the internet.
[00:36:20] And Sass and I became best friends on team Jonas, the Jonas fan site.
[00:36:23] And there's history.
[00:36:24] So like talk to strangers on the internet.
[00:36:27] Yeah.
[00:36:28] Put yourself out there.
[00:36:29] Yeah.
[00:36:30] I don't think, I mean, look, if people think it's weird, like that's on them.
[00:36:32] Yeah.
[00:36:33] I just hope our friends are like accepting of it.
[00:36:35] But also like, fuck you.
[00:36:37] If not.
[00:36:37] Yeah.
[00:36:39] Yeah.
[00:36:39] Then then you're not a bad friend.
[00:36:41] You're just not a friend.
[00:36:42] You're just not a friend.
[00:36:44] Um, okay.
[00:36:45] Let's do one last one.
[00:36:46] And then we still have a ton of listener questions, but I don't want to keep you guys
[00:36:49] here for hours.
[00:36:50] So we will do a part two and stay tuned for that.
[00:36:53] Cause it'll be great.
[00:36:54] But yeah, we'll record a part two with all of your longer situational listener questions
[00:36:58] and a few other questions that you guys sent in.
[00:37:01] And yeah.
[00:37:02] But you said you're doing one more.
[00:37:03] Yeah.
[00:37:03] I'll do one more.
[00:37:03] Okay.
[00:37:05] How do I say hopeful?
[00:37:07] I will get excited about someone after being let down again and again.
[00:37:10] Oh, this is such a hard one.
[00:37:12] I feel your pain.
[00:37:14] I really do.
[00:37:15] Yeah.
[00:37:16] I really do.
[00:37:16] It's so hard to, when you're in that situation and when you're going through that phase
[00:37:22] of like, I keep getting let down or I keep getting rejected or I'm not excited about
[00:37:26] anyone.
[00:37:27] I swear it changes because I felt that way too.
[00:37:29] Like every single date I went on before Jason, I would just be like, no.
[00:37:34] Yeah.
[00:37:34] Wouldn't you make it to a second date?
[00:37:36] Because I'd just be like, absolutely not.
[00:37:37] And I would think something was wrong with me.
[00:37:39] I was like, am I like asexual that I am not attracted to or interested in anyone?
[00:37:46] But it's not you.
[00:37:47] You just haven't found the person.
[00:37:49] It will come.
[00:37:50] Just keep putting yourself out there.
[00:37:51] It's a fucking numbers game.
[00:37:53] Yeah.
[00:37:53] And it takes time and you'll go in phases of hating this and then wanting to take a break
[00:37:57] and then taking a break and then, you know, maybe having an itch to get back out there
[00:38:01] and then getting back out there and then feeling doomed again and again and again.
[00:38:04] And it's unfortunate.
[00:38:06] It sucks that that that's the way modern dating is.
[00:38:09] And I don't think it was always this way.
[00:38:12] I think part of it is dating apps and that there are so many options.
[00:38:14] And so having that many seemingly having that many options.
[00:38:18] And if there are this many people at the swipe of a finger and I still can't find someone.
[00:38:23] Wow, I really suck.
[00:38:24] But like it's just that right now.
[00:38:27] Dating is literally harder than ever before.
[00:38:29] And there's a paradox of choice.
[00:38:31] There's seemingly so many options, but none at the same time.
[00:38:34] I'm hearing it from everyone to everyone now that dating is so hard.
[00:38:37] But you know what I think is a big problem?
[00:38:39] Yeah, it's social media.
[00:38:41] And it's also yes, you should obviously know what you want.
[00:38:45] But stop going into dates with this giant list that they need to have on the first date.
[00:38:51] Because I think I did that and it just ruined dating for me.
[00:38:55] I would go in and if they didn't check off every single box, then I wouldn't even let myself be open to it.
[00:39:02] It's like the second you heard something that wasn't aligned, you were like, I'm out.
[00:39:06] I was done.
[00:39:07] And I remember talking to my therapist about this.
[00:39:10] This was before I went on a date with Jason.
[00:39:12] She's like, go into the date as you are meeting a friend.
[00:39:15] Yeah.
[00:39:16] Because there are so many things about your friends that maybe you don't like.
[00:39:19] Or maybe that aren't exactly what you want, but you're still friends with them.
[00:39:22] Yeah, you still love them.
[00:39:23] You still have that emotional connection with them.
[00:39:24] You still love them.
[00:39:25] I love that advice.
[00:39:25] There are gonna be things that you're not gonna like about your partner or that aren't 100% perfect.
[00:39:32] And that's okay!
[00:39:33] And it's okay!
[00:39:34] Theme of the episode.
[00:39:35] Do you think I knew that Jason was the most OCD, type A, clean, planning person?
[00:39:39] It's okay, your apartment is flawless.
[00:39:41] Yeah.
[00:39:42] Pristine.
[00:39:43] But like, thank God I didn't know that in the very beginning or else I'd have been like, nope.
[00:39:46] Yeah.
[00:39:47] So just have an open mind.
[00:39:49] Go into the dates as like, these are just gonna be my friends.
[00:39:53] And don't worry because I swear it will fucking happen.
[00:39:56] It will happen.
[00:39:57] Sorry for cursing.
[00:39:58] You're allowed.
[00:39:58] I've cursed a lot.
[00:39:59] That's okay.
[00:40:00] It'll happen though.
[00:40:02] That's all.
[00:40:02] It'll fucking happen.
[00:40:02] It'll fucking happen!
[00:40:04] Alright.
[00:40:05] Carly, thank you so much for being here.
[00:40:07] Thank you to everyone who tuned in.
[00:40:08] Don't forget to follow Carly at Carlyrsilberman on TikTok.
[00:40:12] Thank you.
[00:40:12] Make sure you are following Seeing Other People on Instagram at Seeing Other People.
[00:40:16] Me at Alana Dunn on TikTok.
[00:40:18] And if you have not given a five star rating interview, please, please, please do.
[00:40:21] It goes such a long way and it really, really means a lot.
[00:40:24] Stay tuned for part two of this episode.
[00:40:26] And until then, keep seeing other people.
[00:40:29] No, no, that's not how it goes.
[00:40:30] It goes until then.
[00:40:32] Love you guys.
[00:40:32] I'll see you next time.
[00:40:33] And until then, I'll be seeing other people.
[00:40:35] Love that.
[00:40:36] Bye!
[00:40:44] This podcast has been brought to you by Podcast Nation.