Let’s F%cking Talk About Sex, Baby

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[00:00:56] Hi, babe. Hi.

[00:01:03] Let's talk about sex, baby. Let's talk about you and me.

[00:01:09] I was going to do that. I'm going to put you back on the spot. Can you?

[00:01:15] Oh, fuck here we go. Can you repeat what you said in your test audio when we were testing

[00:01:22] our mics? Oh my God. Why do you got to do it? Because you know I'm going to do it. It's

[00:01:29] just so dumb. I said, sometimes in the mornings I get a boner. We're adults here guys.

[00:01:39] We have a whole last child and this is how we act when we're recording an episode. Yeah. It's like. So,

[00:01:45] a lot of people do right into the show and have asked me in my DMs what sex has been like

[00:01:54] pre-baby versus post baby. Right. All the things how you keep the spice alive.

[00:02:01] Right. Well, I think we can break it down into three categories. There was pre-pregnancy sex.

[00:02:08] Then there was pregnancy sex. Then there was post pregnancy. So, it's basically like in my terms

[00:02:15] 34 years of my well that sounds when did I lose my virginity 15 15 years of my life?

[00:02:22] I didn't even do the math. I was like, oh my god. 15 year no no that's 30 that's wrong. 20 20 year math 20 years of my life.

[00:02:30] So 20 years of sex and then nine months of sex, which could really be broken up into three different

[00:02:37] sections in that nine months. And then the rest of your fucking life. Right. Yeah. That nine months is a well

[00:02:46] because it was different. I will say this here now. It was different. Not because of me.

[00:02:56] You were like you were feeling different feelings. I was a wild sex machine in my second trimester and third trimester.

[00:03:04] I still like maybe once a week just stop what I'm doing and look at today and say I'll never forgive you for not having sex with me that one

[00:03:12] night I wanted to because the next day I went into fucking labor and you haven't been able to touch my nipple sense.

[00:03:18] I know literally well let's just let's start right there and it's like you know I think sex has to be a comfortably discussed topic at all times.

[00:03:30] And like you know I think it's it's somewhat of a taboo subject to talk about within a relationship.

[00:03:38] You know and I think it's like great for you to say hey let's do something let's give risky and not me to say can we wait till tomorrow?

[00:03:45] I mean you do that all the time. I wouldn't say all the time. No I know but I just think that that's healthy.

[00:03:51] Yeah. You're healthy. That sucked that particular time because that was just literally the last time.

[00:03:57] Yeah. The last time until we had the baby unbeknownst to both of us. I know for that.

[00:04:05] I know my fucking intuition is because I'm right 98% of the time.

[00:04:11] I can't argue though. Okay so I want to talk about a few different things in this episode.

[00:04:15] I want to talk about the stigma that exists in relationships about having sex and that you know the one person is like owed it

[00:04:25] and then the guilt and shame that the other person ends up feeling. I want to talk about how you can politely maybe that's not the right word without like taking a massive shit on your partner's ego decline.

[00:04:40] The invitation which we just had an interesting experience with the past couple months.

[00:04:45] Wait refresh my memory. Okay so basically this was my fuck up. I don't fuck up often guys but when I do fuck up by own it and here we are in all my glory.

[00:04:53] Guys this is how impromptu we are. I have no fucking idea what she's about to say like literally zero minutes of discussion about hey let's talk about this or that zero.

[00:05:07] Zero. I have no idea what the baby's down for a nap get in here we have to record.

[00:05:12] We got to record this and okay we're going to talk about sex and go.

[00:05:16] So it had been a long day a day was working.

[00:05:19] I had been with the baby for like most hours of the day.

[00:05:22] I was fucking exhausted just exhausted and I had like been breastfeeding and like you know at the mom who far my had pumped and like I was so

[00:05:35] fucking tired. It was in sleep training which by the way if you listen to last month's episode with us like I can confidently say it was the best fucking thing we ever did stone like those to sleep now at 7 p.m.

[00:05:47] Every night and like sleep like a mother fucking the child baby until like 6 6 30 in the morning it's fucking great but again do what you feel comfortable with right so I was exhausted we were in the middle of sleep training

[00:06:00] so like my heart hurt and it was just fucking I it had just been a day and I had made it known that it had been a day.

[00:06:07] And I'm sitting on the toilet being getting ready for bed.

[00:06:14] And in in Taze Defense like I've always said like babe if you ever need a blow job just like come and ask like it's like two million faces right now.

[00:06:25] It's like two minutes of my day it's not a big deal and that's not any commentary on you that's commentary on how skilled I am will just put myself on the back.

[00:06:35] Low job classes are extra you can get that up the page on subscription.

[00:06:40] Anyways so he like saunters into the bathroom while I'm peeing with like my head in my hands of like a god awful tired I am.

[00:06:50] So how about a blow job and I literally looked at you and was like are you fucking kidding me.

[00:07:00] I think you even set those words and yeah it was pretty bad I was in a state.

[00:07:04] And I think when we talked about it later like after you had a mini meltdown and you were like you don't have to ever say it to me like that.

[00:07:12] Yeah I think you literally said my penis ran up inside me.

[00:07:19] I like to stay definitely don't want that around me.

[00:07:25] Run away retreat.

[00:07:28] But it was my bad partly because I had told you like you know that's ever something you need because this was like earlier on postpartum when like sex was still pretty painful and we're getting all that fucking yummy goodness later.

[00:07:42] Well I mean that was a big part of it we weren't having well we were having very very like minimal and occasional.

[00:07:49] There was a few there wasn't many how many months.

[00:07:52] Yeah no dude it was just like once and it was like really not only we'd be like yeah no no no and then we would do everything else.

[00:08:00] Yeah then we waited for like it was a two months three months where we didn't really wait six weeks just a month and a half.

[00:08:07] Yeah so then after that though I'm saying there was another like because you was painful.

[00:08:12] Yeah and then he actually started getting to get into my head a little bit because like well yeah because you're like in my hurting her.

[00:08:19] Yeah so I'm not like I'm not fucking into it.

[00:08:23] Yeah it's a whole thing post post head coming out of your vagina that just is like a different beast quite literally.

[00:08:32] I will say this though there's some you know fairy tales out there that say like the guys look at the woman differently and that is so not the case.

[00:08:43] I think like wait what do you mean?

[00:08:46] You know after they give birth some guys are like well now you're the mother of my kid and I'm not like they lose that certain sex drive.

[00:08:55] Yeah and I don't know there's something well I mean there's something about you for me that does you know it's like magic.

[00:09:08] I got the magic stick.

[00:09:10] So I got the magic.

[00:09:12] Anyways so that was my fuck up and it like it just came out of pure exhaustion and it really took a steaming pile of shit and dubbed it on your ego and I felt bad about it.

[00:09:25] Yeah and I mean I mean.

[00:09:26] And then I got in bed and felt fucking guilty and felt like I needed to make up for it and then we ended up doing it anyways after 10 minutes of me coercing him into please let me give you a photo shot.

[00:09:37] Please please have your day come back out from up inside it.

[00:09:41] Well I mean I first of all I've all stated here and now I'm overly sensitive.

[00:09:49] Let's not say overly sensitive let's say sensitive sometimes to a fault.

[00:09:53] Yeah but I think that's good I think that makes you a good human and I could have easily though rolled over those words.

[00:10:00] You said you would I could have just been like you know sat and took it and been like well she's just going through a thing right now.

[00:10:06] Yeah but then we wouldn't have had the communication opportunity and we wouldn't have talked through it and I wouldn't have gotten the lesson that like even when I'm like tired and exhausted like just you know say it a little nicer.

[00:10:15] So then it comes so then the next time it doesn't be because it's not a thing and yeah and that's why I think our community.

[00:10:22] I mean that's why this relationship is so fun because we communicate constantly about all that stuff.

[00:10:28] I wish I could say I am a superwoman and on top of all that I do cook every night but that is simply not the case.

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[00:13:23] But I will say that I do definitely have a thing where even if it's like just like hey do you want to like have some sex and it's like I'm not mean about it I'm just like oh my god I'm so tired can we just not I still have guilt around it and that is from the big D.

[00:13:46] Daniel.

[00:13:49] Wait a second yeah that's an oxy moron that's that's that's from my first marriage for sure yeah well I mean I think there's yeah I agree for sure I've heard the ins and outs of that marriage and all

[00:14:04] of that stuff but I think there might be that could be somewhat valid in all yeah because whenever somebody wants to you know mix it up let's say for the lack thank you Chandler

[00:14:18] for some you know and then the other person kind of says no me of course it's it's you're going to yeah well they shouldn't take it egotistically they shouldn't be like oh it's because they don't like me anymore.

[00:14:33] That's not the beginning of a relationship listen we're fucking set in were in with some marriage we have kid and like there is no like I mean I've told you this before but there is no problem with you saying you're tired or yeah no I know and I do know from talking to my girlfriends that and this is getting into the society pressure I think that a lot of my girlfriends have expressed like well I don't really want to talk about it.

[00:15:03] I really like necessarily want to have sex or enjoy having sex I'll just do it because I know he like need slash wants and like that's so grimy to me.

[00:15:13] Right yeah I mean every once in a while yeah but it's like how we figure out a better way to like make that not a thing well I think it's in the relationship.

[00:15:26] Yeah that goes that goes way beyond like you know there's some there there's not that attraction.

[00:15:32] Right but I'm saying that like it's something that I hear too often from too many women yeah and it sucks.

[00:15:40] Yeah I wonder what it's like on the guy side well like what what are they saying I think like unfortunately a lot of guys can be very pig-ish

[00:15:52] and they just get over it yeah they get over it they're like I want to move on right I think like yeah unless they're really attached

[00:16:05] like spiritually and from the heart they're they're going to get over it well and that's why people then feel pressured to do it

[00:16:13] because they're like well I don't want them to get over it so I'll just have the sex yeah that's the wrong relationship.

[00:16:19] Correct that's like that's the answer right there is this isn't the relationship I need to be on well right but so many people listening to this are going cool I'm married with ex-man kids and I was just about to say the word decide to get divorced so

[00:16:33] yeah just like walk away from things. Yeah that's therapy therapy therapy. Yeah try to work it out through therapy I don't know this is a different this is I'm not everybody's us but

[00:16:46] like I look at you in the mornings I look at you all the time and I'm just like oh my god I'm so fucking lucky you're so fucking hot to me and like you know

[00:16:58] you know I'm not even getting inside of your mind and your compassion and the personality I'm just like

[00:17:04] you're drop dead gorgeous. I'm so glad you're so blind babe well I mean like every time I look at you I'm just like oh my god how lucky am I

[00:17:14] so what was the other question? Well let's talk about how sex has been post human head coming out of my badge

[00:17:23] I also do you ever think of like because I'm a parent now I need to stop talking with that be though what if I was just like welcome to FML talk

[00:17:34] let's talk about how sexual intercourse has been after the birth of my child. I think you gotta just be authentic man

[00:17:41] you gotta be authentic but it does make it kind of if like we had a studio audience I would probably ham it up even more.

[00:17:48] I know you like how many of you fuckers have children. Let's get down and dirty.

[00:17:53] Okay so for yes we're gonna get post pre pre pregnancy everything was amazing

[00:17:59] I think we had a wonderfully like active sexual relationship we had moments where we were like the honeymoon phase and all those

[00:18:09] and we had a couple of those you know so I think it was while then then I remember a couple times where he's just said we had a couple of those pro-tip

[00:18:17] if you like the honeymoon phase just break up with the person you're with for fucking times and then get back together.

[00:18:22] I'm kidding don't you know. As long as you go write a fucking book about it

[00:18:26] and I think there were a few times where we weren't really and that was kind of interesting

[00:18:33] I remember at your apartment. Yes it's in the book. Yeah and then during the pregnancy like you said it was absolute insanity

[00:18:43] post pregnancy. Okay it was like Gabrielle I need a break. Yeah my penis is about to fall off.

[00:18:48] It got to the point where I was feeling bad about saying no. I was like absolutely not happening.

[00:18:56] Also I'd like to point out that for whatever reason I don't know if it's like a taboo thing but like whenever I post a vibrator

[00:19:04] like sex positive post on my Instagram page which by the way that is my favorite company I will always promote for them.

[00:19:13] Obviously like it's a paid thing but like I only work with companies that I love we use that fucker multiple times a week

[00:19:22] it is my favorite but I think it's so funny because I without fail I will get comments of like oh is this taste sleeping on the couch now

[00:19:31] and like what are you not telling us? I'm like please refer back to the episodes where I kindly tell you that like 75% of women cannot climb acts without

[00:19:43] like some other type of assistance and like that percentage is higher from like P and the G sex like that's like the last thing on the list

[00:19:52] it's gonna probably give you an orgasm. And you know even your friends yeah I'm gonna call them out even your friends fucking sending you text messages

[00:20:02] like tell what are you not telling us? Yeah guys maybe we will all be having the amount of sex that Tay and I are currently having if we were not so scared of

[00:20:11] exploration. Well and like you know supporting players in the bedroom. And also like who gives a shit like how it works or I mean how how one person can climb acts

[00:20:22] or another like hey as long as everybody's fucking walking around smiling like that's all that matters. I remember you

[00:20:28] you

[00:20:30] Oh god. Oh I've never seen you get to a place of being like oh I don't know if I should remember you talking about Javier

[00:20:38] I love that reaction

[00:20:43] and not having an orgasm with you. Yeah and being all bummed out that you would use that you would want to use that

[00:20:51] Oh yeah no yeah that he made me feel like shameful about like well can't you just come with me and I was like well do you want me to answer that?

[00:20:59] And it's really like who gives a shit like I don't I'm not that doesn't bother me. Yeah but anyways sex post pregnancy was a journey

[00:21:11] well it was non-existent for six weeks then for a month and a half. Yeah there's like a lot of stories out there about shitty men like forcing or not like you know pressuring their partners

[00:21:25] into having sex quicker than that when it's like literally doctor recommended to like chill out because like I just tore almost shit down there.

[00:21:33] Yeah like fucking take it easy. It's radic is what it was okay radic no fun and done it so yeah it was brutal and I remember the first time

[00:21:44] yeah I literally looked at you and you were like does this hurt and I was like it feels like you are stabbing me with a knife

[00:21:52] and they're sandpaper just everywhere. Yeah and so then I go to my OB and I'm like this can't be normal like can you give me some advice

[00:21:58] and she literally she's from New York she's like really ridiculous in the best way and she was like yeah have a couple coctails and like use

[00:22:06] a shit ton of lube like a whole bottle of lube and I'm like okay it's like this is a hard desert in there and I have a scar that is

[00:22:13] literally making me feel like I'm being torn apart by his penis I don't think any amount of lube is going to fix that.

[00:22:19] Right. What it took to fix that was a time and be every time we would you know obviously use the lube and all the things but like go

[00:22:28] like I had to like inch it in yeah very slow like it wasn't your normal no it was like

[00:22:37] there don't fucking move and let me figure it out like

[00:22:41] don't move. There was zero like

[00:22:44] intimacy it was like a medical procedure

[00:22:49] the first couple times but you know I mean I think there's horror stories out there

[00:22:55] where that doesn't happen. Well of course yeah no there's been times

[00:22:59] more recently because every time it like started to get a little better and even

[00:23:04] if it would still hurt at first it would like get better as we went on but like we were very

[00:23:08] like talking and like this and this and do this and like you know which helps a lot.

[00:23:14] Well and let's get into also another factor of all of this once the physical stuff

[00:23:20] started to come around we also are battling time and place and privacy

[00:23:29] and you know we have one and a half kids where it was like we have two kids but only

[00:23:36] half the time is with one of them and then you know.

[00:23:40] I've been having a lot of morning sacks during the first nap.

[00:23:43] I'm down with that. That's kind of an early back to my my intro.

[00:23:48] Sometimes I get boners in the mornings.

[00:23:50] That's going to be the title of the episode.

[00:23:52] Sometimes I get boners in the morning with Taymour Gauzie.

[00:23:55] Yep and there's the clip. Thank you guys will see you next time.

[00:23:58] So yeah it's been a journey we definitely didn't hop straight into the

[00:24:11] P.M. V.G. I have friends that have given birth that are still like yeah no I can't

[00:24:16] do it I'm not ready because it's yeah the first time we did it I was like oh no this is

[00:24:21] not yeah this is no no no no. Well and also everything has changed I can't touch this I can't

[00:24:26] touch that I can first it was like don't take your hands off my nipples now it's

[00:24:30] like don't get fucking near my nipples rules I got a sign in it's like what the

[00:24:35] fuck is going on.

[00:24:38] It's tough dude when you're having like you know something suck on your boobs four to

[00:24:42] five times a day and then you have to milk yourself like the fucking moo-mo farm

[00:24:45] and then like people want to touch your boobs you're like absolutely not get the

[00:24:48] fuck off this is like this is a food source now. It's tough.

[00:24:53] So wonder I come in when you're taking a pee going like hey how about a blow?

[00:24:59] And then I think the biggest ingredient is you have to fucking like go with the

[00:25:03] flow and you have to be able to laugh at yourselves like you have to be able to

[00:25:05] just laugh at the situation and like be able to like find the times when they arise

[00:25:12] I there's no shame in scheduling sex. No to me. No because I mean you really have to

[00:25:18] kind of when you have kids running around you got to figure it out. Yeah.

[00:25:22] Yeah, I'm place. Yeah. Yeah.

[00:25:26] Well this morning was really nice.

[00:25:29] Awkward. Yeah. When you texted me I was on the you're like come to me.

[00:25:37] I can't believe I revealed it. I'm loving it. You're fucking yours so you're

[00:25:42] like a 12 year old sometimes and it's really funny. So if you guys are going

[00:25:47] through the I've been in this relationship for too long and I'm bored and like

[00:25:53] sex is boring and like I know all the things what is one of your things as a

[00:25:57] man that someone could do to spice things up? Don't you love when I put you on the spot?

[00:26:04] I mean I think the spontaneity all the answer first. I think the spontaneity is a thing like in the middle of the day,

[00:26:11] attacks that's like hey meet me here and tend or whatever or you know something

[00:26:16] that's like kind of throws them off guard like a low little blow job in the bathroom.

[00:26:23] I think it's like a lot of things that I'm not going to do.

[00:26:28] I'm not going to go out there and then I'll just kind of throw them off guard like a low

[00:26:33] blow job in the bathroom. Yeah, I will never forget we were probably like this was

[00:26:39] probably like two weeks postpartum and I literally like breastfed the baby put him down

[00:26:45] for a nap came into the bathroom gave you a blow job. Baby woke up went back got the

[00:26:51] back down. I was like I'm mother fucking super woman dude. I'm fucking super woman.

[00:26:58] Oh God. Yeah, I think like spontaneity is a big one that takes away the monotony of

[00:27:08] like okay at night let's go or I mean I love mornings I think that's pretty

[00:27:13] spontaneous to me and it's for some reason. I don't know this could be a guy thing

[00:27:20] but for some reason guy. No, morning would that's a that's a thing. So real thing. Yeah. Also.

[00:27:27] Oh God. Also.

[00:27:30] But all though we don't do this but like surprise stuff like I'll give you an

[00:27:37] example. God maybe we should do this maybe I should give the example.

[00:27:42] But like some type of role playing or just like dude. Okay, so

[00:27:47] you obviously you guys know Taymore is an actor I was is dabble whatever so we

[00:27:55] tape a lot of audition. We can't even have a fucking script in front of us when

[00:28:00] we tape auditions we're not allowed to look at each other because we what we'll

[00:28:04] just fucking start laughing there is no way if I walked in and was like meet me

[00:28:11] at the bar for a blind date like we'd be fucking dying dude.

[00:28:16] I tried to keep the cat keeping track. No way. No way. Yeah, so I don't know I think

[00:28:23] spontaneity is kind of that or like trying something completely different like

[00:28:29] we're like bring a toy in the bedroom. Yeah, you know fingers in the butt. I don't know.

[00:28:33] Wow. He says with something you won't even let me do don't suggest stuff

[00:28:39] that you have been tried. Don't not do what exhaustion does.

[00:28:45] You just don't regret me. I've like covered my mouth after I've said like five

[00:28:51] things. Okay, for the love of God that's enough about our sex life we are going to jump

[00:28:54] into some of your listener questions here we go.

[00:28:59] I have a crush on someone at work but he's about to become my supervisor.

[00:29:09] What do I do? No, you're hit. Run.

[00:29:16] You got to really evaluate how big that crush is right because you're just

[00:29:20] going to get yourself or him into some trouble if it's just like oh he's cute then

[00:29:27] I would probably just bail on that. There's many cute people. Yeah, but if it's serious

[00:29:32] then you probably better. I would find someone to investigate if he has

[00:29:39] similar feelings towards you so that before you put yourself out there and look

[00:29:43] like an idiot and get fired. Then you can like gauge the risk factor

[00:29:50] if it's at least worth it. Yeah, oh fun crushes at the workplace.

[00:29:55] Okay, oh my god this is juicy finding your hubby cheating but not wanting to

[00:30:01] bring it up and downplaying it because you cheated once in the past.

[00:30:06] Oh, wait, wait, wait. I need so much more information like does he know

[00:30:12] she was here right now? Does he know that you cheated in the past?

[00:30:15] Yeah, I need to know that. It's just a guilty conscience.

[00:30:18] Are you married when you cheated in the past or are you downplaying it because he doesn't

[00:30:23] know and you're like fuck I can't really say anything you know or does he know

[00:30:27] and you're downplaying it because he's going to be like shut up bitch you cheated on me

[00:30:30] first. Yeah, but do you have kids? Yeah, so we're not going to get any of these

[00:30:35] questions so oh my god, let's just discuss it. Oh okay here you want to discuss it.

[00:30:40] I'll fucking discuss it. You go right up to him. Fuck that and tell him. Yeah.

[00:30:44] Be like you cheated. Yeah, yeah, you cheated. Now now do you finish it with

[00:30:50] listen, you cheated. I need to know everything about it and then once he tells

[00:30:55] you be like you're off the hook. I cheated about two years ago.

[00:30:58] So let's call it spade, spade, spade, and then we go from here.

[00:31:02] I don't know that there's a lot of I would say go to therapy to discuss all of this.

[00:31:07] Can we interview? Can we interview you on the show? I fucking need more information.

[00:31:12] I would say look, if you cheated and you guys have talked about it and you

[00:31:18] have decided you are going to put it in the past and move forward and then he cheated.

[00:31:23] You have every right to then because you have made a repacked of a promise

[00:31:28] to like let's move forward in a healthy way. You have every right to go and like

[00:31:33] discuss it and want information and talk about it and you don't need to downplay it.

[00:31:38] If you didn't tell him, you all need to go to therapy and both come fucking clean.

[00:31:44] Otherwise like why are you guys still together?

[00:31:46] Well, I mean, I think that's the biggest big question is was why is anybody cheating

[00:31:51] but yeah, yeah. This is a good question. How did you trust that

[00:31:56] Tay was the one after my first marriage? I'm scared of choosing wrong again,

[00:31:59] which I get I get that too. Did you read the ridiculous misadventures?

[00:32:03] I second guest myself and third guest myself and fourth guest myself.

[00:32:08] Did I just come to you a couple of weeks ago and be like,

[00:32:10] how to imagine if you made the wrong decision?

[00:32:14] The wrong decision.

[00:32:15] The other choice and like I know there would be maybe that movie that Lily Ryan

[00:32:22] Hargis did where it's like you see the two versions of her life.

[00:32:26] Like if she made one choice or it was if she got pregnant or if she didn't get pregnant

[00:32:30] or it was like totally separate things but then the message of it was she ended up

[00:32:35] for herself at the same kind of resolution or outcome.

[00:32:39] Anyways, it was good movie highly recommend I think it's on Netflix

[00:32:42] but I think I just jumped and trusted and I say this all the time.

[00:32:49] It's like you're either going to end up wildly happy or you're going to end up

[00:32:52] heartbroken and learning a big fucking lesson that's then going to take you

[00:32:55] to the person that you do want to be with eventually or more into yourself

[00:32:59] both which are very valid good options.

[00:33:03] You had just come off of that lesson that big once twice.

[00:33:07] Yeah and when we bought our house, which was pretty fucking like looking back

[00:33:12] on it, Kuku bananas of us like we were like well we've broken up four times.

[00:33:16] We've been together like consistently for three months now let's buy a house in the middle

[00:33:22] of a pandemic and when we are about to close escrow I had a full on panic attack and was like

[00:33:26] what the fuck like what if this is a bad fucking decision and what you said to me

[00:33:31] I still say is like what made me finally like really know.

[00:33:36] You were like look we're either going to be wildly happy

[00:33:40] and this is going to be the best thing we've ever done or we're going to break up

[00:33:43] and we'll be friends and this is a really good business investment.

[00:33:45] Yeah.

[00:33:46] And I was like only this man who I just fucking put through the ringer

[00:33:51] and was like back and forth with and then it's like let's buy a house

[00:33:54] and like yay family let's do it.

[00:33:56] And then to say I'm panicking for you to not be like fuck you

[00:34:01] and like don't worry about it let me take the pressure off.

[00:34:04] Yeah.

[00:34:05] That's when I knew.

[00:34:07] But the answer to that is like you don't know, you just trust and jump

[00:34:11] and don't ignore red flags.

[00:34:13] Well and also if you see somebody I mean the way I look at you

[00:34:18] and the way I feel about you if boy you're out there

[00:34:23] and you get that feeling from somebody stick with that person.

[00:34:27] Unless it's toxic as fuck.

[00:34:29] But don't.

[00:34:30] Okay, how to get a toxic ex to stop trying to contact you blocked

[00:34:35] and all.

[00:34:36] Okay first of all if you want someone to get like the message

[00:34:40] to stop contacting you their ways.

[00:34:44] I mean first you block them on all socials.

[00:34:46] You block them on Venmo.

[00:34:48] You block them on all of the little things on all the emails

[00:34:51] that they could fucking try and contact you on block the numbers.

[00:34:54] And you tell them stop fucking contacting me.

[00:34:58] And then if it's still persist you say if you don't stop contacting me

[00:35:01] I'm going to report you.

[00:35:03] Yeah.

[00:35:04] And then if they don't stop contacting you you fucking report that.

[00:35:07] Yeah, that's the you have to send this letter like scared

[00:35:11] the shit out of it.

[00:35:12] And there's also I mean people watch the fucking news.

[00:35:15] There's whack jobs out there and you know no need to mess around.

[00:35:19] Yeah.

[00:35:20] So like I would just be very clear right from the get go.

[00:35:23] Threaten is fucking ass unless unless you like in the back of your mind

[00:35:28] like are enjoying it.

[00:35:30] Which in that case why are you writing this question?

[00:35:33] Right because I'll get people that are writing in that are like

[00:35:36] so I'm going no contact.

[00:35:38] I blocked him on everything but he still has my Venmo and I'm like bitch

[00:35:42] that's you that's you being like maybe he'll see that I'm out

[00:35:47] of the corner and like where I'm going and you get it at it.

[00:35:50] It's like no, no, no.

[00:35:54] Okay last one fighting this is difficult fighting profusely

[00:36:00] on parenting styles that's tough.

[00:36:03] That's why they tell you before you have a baby make sure you

[00:36:08] have these difficult discussions because that should

[00:36:14] be a lot of things that you can't do.

[00:36:17] You know, I'm just like yeah, who wins on that?

[00:36:20] Yeah, that is major.

[00:36:23] Yeah because if you don't see eye to eye you wait until you have a baby

[00:36:28] and you're tired and you're up at nights and you're not going to

[00:36:32] although I will say this the first six months you're not really

[00:36:38] parenting.

[00:36:39] You're no but there's like important life.

[00:36:42] You're going to do vaccines.

[00:36:44] Are you going to do vaccines all at once?

[00:36:46] Are you going to get this shot?

[00:36:48] Are you going to like what happens if like this thing comes

[00:36:51] about like are you going to get the helmet or not?

[00:36:54] I'm hoping that anybody who is in a relationship who is making

[00:36:58] a decision to have a kid, you already have discussed all of

[00:37:02] that.

[00:37:03] You already have figured all those things out.

[00:37:06] You know now there's thousands of stories that aren't like

[00:37:10] that and they're just met and they're like this is happening.

[00:37:13] Well, there's also stories about people that know each other very

[00:37:16] very well and then people change and they are then co-parenting

[00:37:21] and still have different opinions on things.

[00:37:23] Well yeah, that's a very difficult question.

[00:37:26] Yeah because you start to get into rights.

[00:37:29] Each state has different rights.

[00:37:32] Right and this question feels I mean there's no details obviously

[00:37:37] but it feels like they're still together.

[00:37:40] Yeah, and I would immediately bring in a third party.

[00:37:46] Like a therapist.

[00:37:47] Yeah of some sort and that's totally mutual to this.

[00:37:52] Like a family therapist.

[00:37:54] Yeah, like a family therapist but every state is different.

[00:37:56] There's there's right there's vaccination rights and stuff.

[00:37:59] Did you know that in California if you and I divorced you couldn't

[00:38:02] just take our son to Europe.

[00:38:04] Right.

[00:38:05] I mean like legally but then like you're talking to me so.

[00:38:10] I know but I probably could and what I find a way.

[00:38:14] Yeah, yes.

[00:38:16] I'm kidding.

[00:38:17] The only way you would just don't ever think me.

[00:38:20] You would have to get me to sign off on that.

[00:38:23] Yeah.

[00:38:24] So like I didn't know some of those things.

[00:38:27] Yeah.

[00:38:28] So there's I'm sure there's a lot of those types.

[00:38:30] Yeah, but I'm sure like if you're in a relationship and you're fighting on parenting styles.

[00:38:36] It's like find some good books that you guys can read together.

[00:38:40] I have hunt gather parent on my nightstand that I still have not finished reading.

[00:38:46] But I've heard really good things about it.

[00:38:48] And then what's that one that my mom was like so hell bent on us reading that like change.

[00:38:56] Parent effectiveness training.

[00:38:58] That when her and my dad both read that book she said it like completely changed.

[00:39:02] Mm hmm.

[00:39:03] The way that they saw things.

[00:39:05] And getting a therapist that's going to be able to be a good third party to tell one of you.

[00:39:09] Like this is not the greatest.

[00:39:12] Yeah, also maybe consider this opinion also acknowledging that there's a lot of times that arise with whatever age they are.

[00:39:22] That you just have to acknowledge that that's going to pass.

[00:39:26] It's going to they're going to get over whatever this situation is and maybe it doesn't need this kind of regimented parenting or on the flip side of that no parenting.

[00:39:36] Maybe you just there's a lot of times where everybody is like oh my god, this has to happen.

[00:39:41] And it's just like I'm experiencing that with my daughter like you know, maybe we just don't need to do so much.

[00:39:48] And some of the letter breathe they'll grow out of whatever they're going through.

[00:39:54] So there's a lot of different variations of the question, but that question is I scary question because it's a to me would be a nightmare.

[00:40:03] Yeah, I think it's it would be I think that's very valuable what you just said and I would add to that.

[00:40:09] Know that you are probably going to fuck up at some point even the person in the relationship who's always right here we go.

[00:40:17] You you fuck up everybody.

[00:40:20] It's minimal right, but it does happen.

[00:40:23] I'm human.

[00:40:24] You know, I tell so annoying to people that don't know my fucking humor like Jesus.

[00:40:32] But not all that stuff.

[00:40:34] I can't emphasize this more.

[00:40:36] It has to be discussed before.

[00:40:39] Yeah.

[00:40:40] You know, and but you're right people change.

[00:40:43] We tried made my first marriage.

[00:40:45] We tried the sleep training and we were going for something switched in my ex wife.

[00:40:52] That was it.

[00:40:53] That was the end of it.

[00:40:54] And you know that was a difference in parenting right there.

[00:40:58] And I what am I going to do fight?

[00:41:00] No.

[00:41:01] Yeah.

[00:41:02] Well, especially like I also realize the mother's place.

[00:41:07] I think it's a different.

[00:41:09] In the first couple of years and it's just like.

[00:41:11] It's really tough too because I can attest to not now too.

[00:41:14] Like,

[00:41:15] there is this thing.

[00:41:17] I don't know if it's the Scorpio and me or the mother and me or the deal of the above that would just be like.

[00:41:24] Oh, really?

[00:41:25] Yeah.

[00:41:26] I mean when it's all said and done like.

[00:41:28] No, but it's not that.

[00:41:29] It's not very fucking slippery slope because I want to be like fuck you.

[00:41:34] I mean, I think that's why I decided to try and try and fucking challenge me.

[00:41:38] But I also love you.

[00:41:40] And you helped me create this trial.

[00:41:42] And also you respect my my brain.

[00:41:45] Yeah.

[00:41:46] That there's that's I think at least have a like rational conversation about it.

[00:41:50] That's I think that's it.

[00:41:53] You have to respect the other person.

[00:41:55] So even if I come up with a bad idea,

[00:41:58] it's not like you're a fucking 88.

[00:42:00] It's like no.

[00:42:01] I mean, I'm not saying that but you're like at least giving me.

[00:42:04] Sure.

[00:42:05] And it has to be like that doesn't happen all the time and and that's where it becomes an issue.

[00:42:10] Yeah.

[00:42:11] Yeah.

[00:42:12] It becomes a real big issue with that.

[00:42:14] But there's again,

[00:42:15] there's so many different.

[00:42:16] I'm like,

[00:42:17] I'm going back with all of my daughters last 10 years of all of the moments that I had with my ex wife and her just figuring that out.

[00:42:26] And now like having it all start over.

[00:42:28] Yeah.

[00:42:29] And having that my daughter come and live here and seeing you with her and acknowledging that now we're doing different parenting.

[00:42:38] Right.

[00:42:39] So I'm like full bore with this whole parent.

[00:42:42] Yeah, it's like wild dynamic.

[00:42:44] Yeah.

[00:42:45] It's crazy.

[00:42:46] I'm so fucking.

[00:42:48] I don't know.

[00:42:49] I'm lucky.

[00:42:50] Yeah.

[00:42:51] I'm very lucky.

[00:42:52] You will not.

[00:42:53] If we ever get divorced, you will not find that luck twice.

[00:42:56] I will fucking suck to compare with.

[00:42:58] I'm just like, you know,

[00:42:59] No, I mean, I'm saying I'm lucky for a lot of reasons.

[00:43:02] I'm lucky because you are an amazing mom hands down.

[00:43:07] Thank you.

[00:43:08] And it's only your only seven months in and you're fucking really taking to it.

[00:43:12] I'm in awe.

[00:43:13] I'm totally in awe.

[00:43:14] You're also amazing with my kid.

[00:43:17] And who is now becoming part of your wife and not becoming.

[00:43:22] She's very much so.

[00:43:23] Very much so.

[00:43:24] And to watch that and to even watch you do a little parenting with her is I love it.

[00:43:31] I'm totally all into it.

[00:43:33] Yeah.

[00:43:34] You know, and I'm also lucky because of our situation with my ex.

[00:43:39] Yeah.

[00:43:40] I mean, it's been a rocky road but it.

[00:43:43] It's not the only thing that I can do is just to get out of it.

[00:43:46] No, but like looking at what other people deal with.

[00:43:48] Like we're fucking.

[00:43:49] Doin' great.

[00:43:50] We're doing great.

[00:43:51] Doing great.

[00:43:52] Okay.

[00:43:53] We have covered so much goodness on this episode and.

[00:43:55] We were laughing to end it.

[00:43:57] I would just like to remind you guys when you go off into.

[00:44:01] The rest of your day today wherever you might be.

[00:44:05] Take a deep breath.

[00:44:06] Close your eyes and remember that today.

[00:44:09] Why was like the fuck are you going to say it with a Zen face by we love you.

[00:44:14] Bye guys.

[00:44:15] All right, FMLers.

[00:44:19] If you don't want to miss an episode, make sure to follow on your favorite podcast app.

[00:44:25] And if you're loving the show, drop us a five star rating and leave a review.

[00:44:30] You can keep up with me on Instagram at Gabrielle Stone or the podcast page at FML talk podcast

[00:44:36] for all the merch and books signed personally by me.

[00:44:39] You can shop the FML line on eatprayfML.com

[00:44:43] And as always have a fucking self love cocktail on me.

[00:44:48] Cheers.

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