How to Get the F%ck Over Your Ex with Dorothy Johnson

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[00:00:29] What is up, all of my beautiful freaking people? Welcome back to another episode of FML

[00:00:36] Talk. Oh, you guys, I have a good one for you today. We are going to get you through

[00:00:43] your breakup. And if you're like Gabrielle, I'm not going through a breakup. Never fear

[00:00:47] this is a wildly fun girl talk episode with a lot of good information that you can apply

[00:00:52] to all areas of your life. So sit back, grab a fucking cocktail and welcome to FML Talk.

[00:00:58] Oh my god. Wait, how old would the other girl? 19, you believe us, Jay? Hey, this is Gabrielle

[00:01:03] Stone.

[00:01:04] Good boy.

[00:01:05] He did 148 hours. What's that? Yeah, but have you seen all the photos on her Instagram?

[00:01:12] And this is FML Talk. Oh no, she didn't.

[00:01:15] All right, you guys Dorothy Johnson is here today. I love this woman. She is an expert in

[00:01:23] how to get over your fucking ex, which I get DMs about all the time. But she talks about

[00:01:30] the how to steps in a very different way than I have given you in the past. She's very

[00:01:35] data driven. She's very like a plus B equals C and we're going to get your asses to see.

[00:01:43] It's also very fun to hear how she got into this work, her wild FML breakup story which

[00:01:49] has a lot of tea in itself that I can relate to. And she's just a wildly fun little human.

[00:01:57] I adored having her on and there's a lot of really great information in this episode.

[00:02:02] So if you're one of those people that are like why can't I just get the fuck over this

[00:02:06] situation? This episode is for you. And there's a lot of really good mindfulness practices

[00:02:16] in here, manifestation practices in here, really tracking your thoughts which even if you

[00:02:22] are not going through any type of breakup is going to help you in some area of your life

[00:02:28] I promise. So listen, learn let's get into it.

[00:02:43] Miss Dorothy Johnson welcome to FML talk. I'm so happy to have you here. Thank you. Me too. Thanks for

[00:02:49] having me. Oh my God we're about to dig into all of the breakup stuff and the goodness.

[00:02:56] I love your podcast. Can you please give us a little bit of background on how you came

[00:03:02] to host that, how you became like doing what you're doing with helping people get through

[00:03:06] all the breakup stuff? Yeah, absolutely. So I went through a breakup back in 2016 with

[00:03:12] a guy I've been dating for about seven years. I was pretty young then I met him in my

[00:03:17] 20s and then we dated throughout my 20s and he had just finished dental school. I had

[00:03:23] finished grad school and had like my big girl job and he finished grad school. We were

[00:03:28] moving back to Florida. I was so excited because it was kind of like we were just starting

[00:03:32] our life and we got a house together. We both moved back to Florida so we didn't have

[00:03:36] to do long distance anymore. And I thought that that was the moment where I'm like we're

[00:03:41] getting engaged. We're going to get married. We're going to have kids. We're settling

[00:03:44] down like everything I had worked so hard for for the last seven years was finally coming

[00:03:50] together. And I was on a work trip to Chicago and he about like probably two months after

[00:03:57] we had moved in, I was on that work trip to Chicago. When I was there he broke up with

[00:04:02] me very unexpectedly on the phone and I'm a tourist. I'm super stubborn. And so when

[00:04:09] he broke up with me on the phone, I was like, I'm going to wait until you're gone from

[00:04:12] the house to go pick up my stuff. I'm so angry. I'm so mad. So I found an apartment

[00:04:17] and moved in with my suitcase, waited until I knew he was going to be gone taking his

[00:04:22] boards exam about a month after the breakup flew back to Florida to get my things. And

[00:04:28] when I went to go get my things, he had piled all of my stuff into the front room of our

[00:04:33] house. And there was another girl living there since I had left. Yeah, it was not cool.

[00:04:40] It was not fun. And so at that moment, I was obviously experiencing the sadness and

[00:04:48] the grief and the loss and the devastation of losing my person. The person I thought

[00:04:52] I was going to spend the rest of my life with. The person that I really felt was my best

[00:04:56] friend. And then on top of that, I was so angry at this girl that just came in and seemingly

[00:05:03] like swooped in and stole everything that I felt like I worked so hard for. So in that

[00:05:09] moment, I really had this mental shift where I just got really committed, really determined.

[00:05:16] I was not going to go backwards and I wanted to have the life that I thought I was going

[00:05:22] to have with him regardless of whether or not he was going to join me for it. And I wanted

[00:05:26] to build this life that no one could ever take away from me like he did. So I did what

[00:05:32] every millennial does and started googling how to get over your ex. How to get over your

[00:05:38] ex. How to forgive and let go? How do you move on when your ex moved on quickly all of

[00:05:43] it? And when I say I googled, I didn't just like absorb or passively absorb this information.

[00:05:50] I was actively doing all of the things. I was journaling, meditating. I got in the

[00:05:54] best shape of my life. I traveled. I was doing all of the things. And from the outside

[00:06:00] in, it looked like I had my shit together. Everyone was like, you're doing so great. But internally

[00:06:06] I was still seething with anger and resentment. And about a year and a half later, I found

[00:06:11] myself in a new relationship. And when I found myself in that new relationship, the interesting

[00:06:17] thing was that I was blaming him for things that he had never done that my ex did. I was comparing

[00:06:24] him to my ex. I was still making decisions and hope still like get my ex's attention somehow.

[00:06:31] Because I was doing all of those things and I was still seething with so much anger and

[00:06:34] resentment. I was like, there is no way that this is what it means to be over your ex.

[00:06:39] Like there's just no way. And I continued to search for information. But that's one about a year

[00:06:45] and a half later is when I stumbled across the life coach school podcast, which was a podcast

[00:06:49] all about thoughts, great feelings. And all of this information that became just a wealth of

[00:06:56] knowledge for me. I grew up in psychology. My dad's a psychologist. My degree is in psychology.

[00:07:01] My master's is in psychology. I've been in psychology and no one's ever just blatantly stated,

[00:07:06] thoughts create your feelings. So it doesn't really matter how much time passed. Of course,

[00:07:11] I felt the way I felt because my stories and my brain didn't change. And that changed everything

[00:07:17] for me. And then I started to learn about desire and attachment. And I realized that I could change

[00:07:23] my desire and my attachment through my thinking. And when I realized like the root problem wasn't

[00:07:29] all of these, I felt like everything the internet was giving me were solutions for symptoms.

[00:07:34] Like go no contact or it just takes time to heal. Those things I feel like are addressing symptoms,

[00:07:41] not that they don't work. But I wanted to address the root cause so that I felt indifference,

[00:07:46] so that I felt neutral, so that I could like move forward freely. And the way that I found to do

[00:07:52] that was through reducing desire for my ex, reducing attachment for my ex. And therefore,

[00:07:58] I felt different. And it didn't really matter how much time went by. I could do that in a moment.

[00:08:03] And it just changed everything. It just exploded my world, everything changed. And along that journey,

[00:08:08] people were already asking me like, how are you doing this? What are you doing? And so

[00:08:14] I at the time I didn't feel prepared to help them because I was like internally I'm dying. So

[00:08:19] I'm not going to be doing it by. But once I figured all of this information out, I was like, oh my gosh,

[00:08:26] this is totally what I meant to do. And I instantly went to life coach certification school.

[00:08:31] I got certified as a life coach. I started coaching people. And as soon as I got coached,

[00:08:37] like I was coaching a lot of people is when I decided I wanted to start the podcast because

[00:08:42] I remember sitting there on my podcast app looking for breakup advice and looking for how to get

[00:08:48] over your ex. And I couldn't find any podcasts for it. So I was like, I want to take everything that I've

[00:08:53] learned about treating breakup like root causes versus symptoms and make an entire podcast about it.

[00:08:59] So that's how the show formed. And that's kind of how I got into what I do now.

[00:09:04] It's fucking brilliant to be able to have a podcast like you have that's like a step by step.

[00:09:10] And I love that they're like shorter episodes where you're like, okay, this is my problem.

[00:09:15] Like give me some fucking advice on it. You're like, here's 15 minutes. Enjoy.

[00:09:19] Yes. It's absolutely brilliant because so many people are like, cool, I know I need to get over my

[00:09:25] ex. How the fuck do I do that? So before we jump into like treating the root cause which I think is

[00:09:30] so brilliant, I have to go back to some of like the drama of this breakup because what the fuck?

[00:09:35] So first of all, what was the reason he gave you when he called and ended a seven-year relationship

[00:09:40] over the goddamn phone? Yeah. He said it just wasn't working. That's literally all I got was

[00:09:47] it's not working anymore. I'm not feeling it anymore. And it was really frustrating because we had

[00:09:52] gone through multiple moves to get to where we were because I was living in Chicago. He was living

[00:09:57] in Kentucky and Louisville. And then I had to move from Chicago to Louisville and then we had to

[00:10:02] move together from Louisville to Florida. And so we had gone through all of these steps,

[00:10:09] right? All of the things. And then for a month or two after all of those steps were done

[00:10:14] and complete. And I thought we were like good and in a solid place. That's when he decided like

[00:10:19] this isn't working for me. It's almost like he had to try it on to know. But I also think that when

[00:10:24] we moved back, this other girl came into the picture because when he was living in Kentucky,

[00:10:29] he didn't see her. She was like local to the area. Okay. And did you ever like have a run-in with

[00:10:35] her when you went to go pick up your shitter? You just saw that she was living there. So it's kind

[00:10:39] of crazy that you I never get to talk about this drama piece. I'm like just now. So this is wild.

[00:10:48] Fascinating thing is that I knew her through like the friend group in this area. And I followed her

[00:10:55] on Instagram and I remember seeing like when I was going through the first month of the breakup,

[00:11:00] I saw these like photos of her traveling to these places. And I was like these are amazing.

[00:11:05] And I'm liking it. And I comment. I'm like, girl, this looks amazing. Where is this? Oh my gosh.

[00:11:10] There with my ex-boyfriend stop. How soon was this after the breakup of you guys?

[00:11:17] It was right away. It was a media. I think oh my god for the breakup happened. But like those images

[00:11:22] were happening like two weeks later. But again, I didn't know she was with him at the time. And then

[00:11:27] about a month later is when I came home to get my stuff. And I knew there was a girl. But I still

[00:11:33] didn't know it was that girl specifically until about like the weekend I got back to Chicago.

[00:11:39] They posted their Instagram or not their Instagram but their Facebook or Instagram profile

[00:11:44] photos of each other. Like it was them on the mountain. And now they're healthy. But what's so

[00:11:50] fascinating is everyone on the comment thread half the people thought it was me. They're like,

[00:11:56] the other half the people are like congratulations. And I just remember sitting there being like,

[00:12:01] how is everyone okay with this? How is it okay? Like why aren't there any breakup police going

[00:12:07] around writing tickets? Because this is like not okay. You know what I mean? Like how we were at a

[00:12:12] seven year old relationship. This was me on his profile photo right before this. Like what is

[00:12:17] happening right now? Do you know what I mean? Oh my god, that's wild. It's the liking the Instagram

[00:12:23] photos and commenting on them and not knowing like that's unbelievable. Right. I had no idea.

[00:12:29] No clue. And so then as soon as they came out as a couple she like blocked me on all of the things.

[00:12:33] I was like, I get that but right. But like I had no idea. I thought she was a really cool person.

[00:12:39] I'm sure she's still a cool person.

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[00:15:40] I get asked all the time like do you hate the 19 year old who's now fucking I don't know math like

[00:15:47] 25 probably but do you did you hate the girl at the time and like did you blame her and I

[00:15:53] never did personally I know that people have different feelings like when they go through these

[00:15:57] situations but I feel like if someone knows that this person is in a relationship then it's

[00:16:06] both of their responsibility if they're going to cheat and disrespect that relationship.

[00:16:11] While it's more so on the person in the relationship if they both know about it it's still

[00:16:16] fucked up you're still shitty people it's still wrong sorry for those of you that are listening

[00:16:20] that's like fuck I was the person. But if they're not knowing and they have no knowledge of it then

[00:16:27] it's like you know like how do you do that about that yeah you're just dating a shit person but

[00:16:33] I never had any anger towards her I also like didn't know her at all so I'm interested like now

[00:16:41] looking back on it what are your feelings towards her since you felt like you kind of knew her in a way

[00:16:48] yeah I mean I only knew her lightly I would say that she was more of an acquaintance I would have

[00:16:52] never considered her like a dear friend so I wasn't caught off guard in terms of like oh my god that

[00:16:58] was like such a good friend like a scandal situation or something but I was never mad at her it was

[00:17:03] more of like I wasn't secure about it I feel like I remember this is so ridiculous but in the photo

[00:17:09] that they posted she had a French braid and I was like of course she can French braid I can't

[00:17:13] French braid like of course she can French braid you know what I mean I'm just like amazing cool

[00:17:18] right and it was more of like an insecurity towards Sarah like I couldn't hate her I think she's

[00:17:22] like a cool person right used to think I don't know anything about her but from the outside looking

[00:17:27] and she looked and seemed like a cool amazing nice put together person right right it's so crazy

[00:17:35] I feel like the situation you're describing is like the PG 13 version of like the x-rated shit that my

[00:17:42] shit show of an ex-husband was like I remember like getting sent photos of this girl in like a

[00:17:49] string fucking thong bikini straddling the pillows that my mother and lob bought us on our

[00:17:56] fucking living room couch in the house I had just moved out of and was like oh that's fun

[00:18:01] oh my god that's wild so yeah I wish there were a breakup police that were just walking around

[00:18:07] handing tickets and like throwing assholes in jail for like think about what you've done for a while

[00:18:14] like someone has to like write the wrong I feel like that's one of the biggest things with breakups

[00:18:18] is feeling like you want to be vindicated like I don't know if the words vindicated or like justified

[00:18:23] or like yeah someone needs to be like this was wrong this was the person the wrong and this was

[00:18:27] the person in the right 100 percent okay so now that we've like covered all of the drama T which

[00:18:33] fascinating thank you for that talk to me about like when you started doing this research about

[00:18:38] like the root cause and we get pretty woo woo on the show my mom is a healer so we talk about

[00:18:43] you know thoughts creating feelings and like making sure you're policing your thoughts all the time

[00:18:48] but talk to me about how you discovered that related to getting over your ex so I mean there's

[00:18:57] a couple of things I feel like the first thing that I want to talk about is the fact that when

[00:19:00] you're getting over someone and you weren't the one who wanted the breakup it kind of sometimes

[00:19:05] feels like you're addicted to that person I don't know 100 percent 100 percent yeah I started to see

[00:19:11] it as like an addictive I found myself acting out in ways that I would have never imagined myself

[00:19:19] acting out doing things that I never thought I would they were like compulsive like behaviors

[00:19:23] that felt extremely out of my control and I was like why do I feel like I'm addicted to this

[00:19:28] person as if I'm addicted to cocaine can you tell me some of those things that you were doing

[00:19:33] oh yeah absolutely I mean for the longest time I was before I got blocked because I definitely

[00:19:41] got blocked yeah I love it I was like checking I was checking the Instagram stories seeing if

[00:19:48] you would check my Instagram like if he was like liking oh yeah I was checking like the Facebook

[00:19:52] stuff I was checking her Facebook stuff I was like trying to text him I texted his friends being

[00:19:59] like what are you guys gonna do about this is this okay which because the girl had also dated one

[00:20:04] of his best friends so that was like a whole extra layer but then like it was just really psycho things

[00:20:10] that I was just like what am I doing and I just think it was the amount of time that I spent

[00:20:16] ruminating and thinking about this and having fake arguments in my head I had this

[00:20:20] oh my god yes like a elaborate plan right I had this huge elaborate plan that I would show up

[00:20:26] like I was at some point I was like I'm gonna be famous I'm gonna roll up in an escalate with

[00:20:31] security guards we're gonna get my dog we're gonna be like you know why the whole like situation

[00:20:38] I was like that that's I would envision that like all the time and have these ridiculous fake

[00:20:43] arguments in my head and I know that some of those are just like mental things but we don't

[00:20:47] realize how all consuming they are until like you're in it 100% okay first of all they're not

[00:20:53] that's not crazy because every female listening to this is like laughing hysterically going yeah

[00:20:58] okay I've done that check check check I got so bad with my ex to the point where I would post a story

[00:21:06] and like throughout the day I'd be posting stories and I would obsessively check to see because

[00:21:11] he wasn't following me at the time to see when he would view that story and then post two more

[00:21:19] and see how quickly he would view those and then I was like so I'm tracking like okay he's gone

[00:21:24] to my Instagram went and searched my name and gone to view my story seven different times today

[00:21:29] and you're telling me that this fucker doesn't want to be with me what do you mean and then there

[00:21:33] was a whole rational in my head that was like see he obviously loves me it's just a matter of time

[00:21:38] no bitch no yeah yeah absolutely right 110% so those compulsive like behaviors I think there were two

[00:21:47] main problems that I was addressing one I felt like ass I still felt angry after so much time and so

[00:21:54] I was like I hated the whole saying I'm like it just takes time to heal I hated it so much but I was

[00:21:59] like okay cool in the meantime I'm gonna do all the things that I possibly can anyways to figure it

[00:22:04] out but there we were a year and a half later and like why do I still feel like ass like I'm not

[00:22:08] gonna take three and a half or a half the amount of time that we were together to get over this person

[00:22:13] I just don't have that time I don't want to do that so when I learned that thoughts create feelings

[00:22:17] I was like okay that's easy we switch our thoughts to feel differently amazing that is very

[00:22:23] I'm a very data driven person I used to be in data analytics so like give me a formula and I'll

[00:22:28] fucking follow it to a tee yeah I love it so I was like okay plug in your tee here you get this

[00:22:35] f like it was super simple super easy for me and I loved that and I loved creating formulas to

[00:22:39] like help with that so the first was the fact that thoughts create feelings that still didn't

[00:22:45] address the compulsive like behaviors and what I found was that a lot of the symptom solving solutions

[00:22:51] like going no contact we were using a lot of willpower and you had to like will power your way to

[00:22:57] like not message or not look at or not talk and I was like I just want to be the natural and organic

[00:23:03] kind of woman who doesn't do that like why can't I just like that I don't want to have to willpower

[00:23:08] my way through it I want it to be almost like I'm a morning person so of course I get up at 5 a.m

[00:23:13] like I don't have to like force myself to do it it's just something that I love doing right so

[00:23:18] that's when I started looking into and researching compulsive like behaviors and desire an attachment

[00:23:23] and realizing like the the whole like I mean I could go so in depth around this but I'm going to try

[00:23:28] to keep it like pretty light is that addiction and why we feel addicted to our access slightly because

[00:23:35] we are and a lot of times that's coming from like a reward loop that's happened in our brain

[00:23:41] and that reward loop is driven by desire and your brain thinks that there's a high desire for

[00:23:46] this person and then addiction happens because you think that that one thing the cocaine the heroin

[00:23:52] the drugs the alcohol that one thing is the most important thing so your brain will automatically

[00:23:57] by default shut everything else out yeah to make that the most important thing and so we have to

[00:24:04] with romantic partnerships when they come to an end reducing desire is possible and the way that

[00:24:11] I talk about it is with ice cream I love my ice cream analogies so when I sit here and I'm like

[00:24:17] Gabrielle I love ice cream that's my favorite food I love the ui gui the chocolatey chun's like

[00:24:22] the caramel just melts in my mouth like I love ice cream so much it seems really desirable and you

[00:24:28] might even as I continue to talk about it in that way feel desire towards ice cream however when I

[00:24:34] talk about ice cream as it's simply milk and sugar and I have this visualization of milk and sugar

[00:24:40] I'm like ew it's like not as desirable and so that's a very surface level way of just explaining that

[00:24:46] through our thoughts we can reduce and increase desire and that's super helpful when we're trying to

[00:24:53] let go of something that is no longer serving us so it's okay to have desire for ice cream however

[00:25:00] when I'm trying not to eat it every night before dinner because I don't want to have like a sugar

[00:25:04] high before I go to bed it'd be helpful if I sit there and I learn how to reduce desire so that

[00:25:08] I naturally don't want the ice cream and it's been like such an amazing tool because once you have

[00:25:14] zero desire for your ex you have zero attachment to your ex then all of the symptoms don't really

[00:25:20] matter you run into your ex you feel indifferent you're like my ex is at a party I have no desire to be

[00:25:25] with that person I don't have attachment to that person or needing that person in my life to create

[00:25:29] everything that I want I feel very like indifferent and neutral towards it so it's like a non-issue

[00:25:35] and then we're not spending all of our willpower trying to like force our way there if that makes

[00:25:41] 100% and let me tell you guys that indifference is the most magical powerful fucking place to be

[00:25:48] when I finally got there I was like oh here we are we've arrived and now it's like just don't give a

[00:25:56] fuck and it's so freeing also I love that we're like you know the cocaine the heroin the dick

[00:26:01] like why is that all in one fucking like why have we prioritized that to be so addictive

[00:26:09] like it's not the thing it's not that great isn't crazy it's so wild

[00:26:23] oh my god there's so much to unpack here all right so you're talking about the really like

[00:26:30] deprogramming and making it less important and having less of a desire for your ex

[00:26:36] what are like action steps to start doing that because like theoretically you're like great I

[00:26:41] want to start doing that I love that for me how the fuck do I do that what's that I was like the

[00:26:46] how-to yeah I love it so step one is to make a list of all of the reasons you desire your ex

[00:26:52] actually rewind I would say step two is figuring out where your desire is again like I said

[00:26:56] I'm a very dangling analytics person I'm such a numbers nerd you guys I measure this in my

[00:27:01] program so figure out on a scale from zero to 10 how much you desire your ex zero being I have

[00:27:07] no desire for my ex 10 being like I desire this person so much like with everything in my being

[00:27:13] and then give yourself like a rating because you're going to want to track that over time to make

[00:27:18] sure that you're making progress the second thing you need to do is make a list of all the reasons

[00:27:23] you think you desire your ex so some of those thoughts might be things like he's so attractive

[00:27:30] he's larger than life he is assertive and manly and I really love that about him he has all of the

[00:27:36] qualities that I want and when you have this like extensive list of all of the thoughts that have

[00:27:42] created a significant desire for this person which by the way when you're in a relationship

[00:27:48] you want to have that desire that is not a problem it's just when you're no longer in the

[00:27:53] relationship you don't want that desire right so don't like beat yourself up for having desire for

[00:27:58] this person even if that person treated you like trash like I think that we've made up these

[00:28:04] different stories in our brain that's a whole separate story I won't go down that but it's like

[00:28:08] even if this person treated you like trash like just list out the reasons you think you desire

[00:28:12] this person and just be honest with yourself make a comprehensive list put it in list format

[00:28:17] and then the next thing to do which feels extremely tedious but is so powerful is to question whether or

[00:28:24] not this is the full truth and this you told me I loved this that you talked about this of looking

[00:28:31] at the facts versus the drama right the facts of the situation versus like what I make those facts mean

[00:28:37] so when you look at oh he was assertive and manly and I really liked that like what was the whole truth

[00:28:44] what is the it's an alternative truth that is equally as true or what's the bigger picture can

[00:28:50] you like zoom out and look at the bigger picture of he was assertive and manly and I like that but

[00:28:56] it turned controlling and that's not the kind of partner I want or he was larger than life but

[00:29:03] he wasn't larger than my life and he was attractive well when I think about it I actually wasn't

[00:29:09] attracted to him in the very beginning I'm just now attracted to him now and became attracted

[00:29:13] to him as I got to know him and then I also like to ask questions around like just because this

[00:29:18] one person has this quality does that mean no one else has this quality and so you you really

[00:29:24] start building an extensive list of kind of like you were talking about facts of the situation

[00:29:30] in real like truths looking at the whole picture versus just your rose colored glasses that you have

[00:29:36] on and then when you have this big long list of all of the thoughts that reduce desire

[00:29:42] you have that to refer back to anytime you notice your desire kind of spiking

[00:29:47] and you go through that process a couple of times but as you work through getting over your ex

[00:29:53] in all of the different like ways that I talk about that piece of the desire is just like so

[00:29:59] important the desire and the attachment yeah 100 oh my god so much of what you're saying

[00:30:06] I can like look back at my getting over my ex journey and be like yep that tracks that's what we

[00:30:13] eventually had to get to I just didn't have a roadmap or a lovely podcast to tell me what I

[00:30:19] needed to do so the fact that you are putting this information out there in such an analytical like

[00:30:25] this is your step-by-step guide is brilliant so many people need that because I cannot tell you how

[00:30:32] many DMs I get being like I just can't get the fuck over it yeah it's yeah I really love a how-to

[00:30:38] and in the next steps and I'm not one to like listen to a lot of fluff like I hate when I

[00:30:43] listen to something it's like fluff I just want like the steps of how to fix or solve this problem yeah

[00:30:49] same you said you traveled after your breakup where did you travel and did you go with friends or

[00:30:53] did you go solo yeah these are great questions I feel like gosh I was so long ago I traveled so I

[00:31:00] had made a commitment to myself that I was gonna travel somewhere new once a month and it ended

[00:31:05] in the end of being like yeah and ended up being like two or three times a month it got exaggerated

[00:31:10] a little bit and sometimes I would go alone but I think most of the time it was like if I went

[00:31:15] alone it was like meeting up with someone new or meeting up with someone and so it was really just

[00:31:21] around the United States and then I landed in Bali I feel like it's like the most cliche thing

[00:31:26] because of course I went to Bali it's a very powerful breakup but yeah I went to like a bunch of

[00:31:32] different places in the States like Arizona and Seattle Boston I went to a bunch of places that

[00:31:40] I had never been in the United States and I was just I was in Chicago so it was easy like one way one

[00:31:45] yeah you know like one flight flights and it was super easy to get to and then I would either meet up

[00:31:51] with like old friends from high school or an Instagram person that I met that was like oh my god

[00:31:57] come visit me I see your traveling like come visit I'll show you around or whatever and it was

[00:32:02] really fun I have like such a blast I went to a lot of national parks and did a lot of outdoor

[00:32:07] like hiking at Yosemite and grantee tons and like all the beautiful environments in the United States

[00:32:15] what do you feel like traveling gave you in the healing process you know I think that traveling was

[00:32:21] really helpful because it helps you create new neural pathways you're in environments that

[00:32:28] you're not used to and you might even be in environments where you've never had memories with your

[00:32:33] X so you're not constantly reminded of your X yeah and I think that that part is really helpful

[00:32:38] and putting yourself in a new environment to create new ways of thinking oh my god that's such a

[00:32:44] great answer I love how like again data driven you are you're like so this is going to create this

[00:32:51] in your brain and this is why this works I'm like go be free it'll heal your soul why Gabrielle I

[00:32:58] don't know because it's beautiful and you'll be alone yeah there's science behind it yeah I love it

[00:33:03] I think it's so important so if you could tell people who are in the throes of the addiction of

[00:33:11] getting over their acts and they're constantly looking at their Instagram and they have a fake

[00:33:15] Instagram to go stock all of the people that are in now in his life what would you tell them

[00:33:23] on like the beginning of their journey other than like start binging the how to get a rear-act

[00:33:27] podcast yeah definitely start pinching that I think one of the big like the biggest kind of zoomed

[00:33:32] out ways of looking at this is can you think about the version of you who's over her X and I'm sure

[00:33:39] you've been a version who's over the person because you were probably like in a place where you

[00:33:45] felt really good about yourself before dating at some point and so I want you to think about the

[00:33:51] version of you who's over her X how does she like show up what is she doing how she's spending her

[00:33:57] time what is she not doing what is she focused on what is she not focused on and get clear about

[00:34:02] like how she feels like what is the emotional experience that she feels and Gabrielle did such a great

[00:34:08] job of like showing you like indifference as one of those feelings I'd say that freedom is another

[00:34:14] one of those feelings grounded secure calm and when you think about those emotions I want you to

[00:34:21] think like if I was over my X why would I be feeling that way what would I be making that mean

[00:34:27] about myself right what would I be thinking about me what would I be thinking about my life

[00:34:32] that would make me feel free and make me feel indifferent and neutral and calm and secure and grounded

[00:34:38] and notice those like different thought patterns and can you start trying them on as if they're

[00:34:43] like a costume can you wake up and just put on that costume of that belief and just try it

[00:34:50] on for the day just like see how it feels and experience it as if you were living that because

[00:34:56] I think from like a woo woo perspective the biggest thing is that it's done energy the already

[00:35:02] done calm confident energy of I am there I've already arrived I'm not searching for something that's

[00:35:08] outside of myself but I've arrived here and there's science behind it and changing your thoughts will

[00:35:14] change how you feel and create a different behavioral experience and I think that that's so

[00:35:21] important and if you can zoom out enough of those what feel like urgent emotions are completely

[00:35:26] debilitating emotions you can start looking at who you're working at becoming which is even more

[00:35:33] important than just the simple process of getting over your ex that will come organically as you

[00:35:40] figure out who you're truly becoming yeah it makes so much sense and it's brilliant and for the record

[00:35:48] if you are trying to manifest anything that's a really good practice like start showing up

[00:35:54] as the person experiencing already having what you're wanting whether that's being over a breakup

[00:35:59] whether that's a financial goal or a new job or a new home like yeah that call it woo woo that

[00:36:07] shit works I'm walking proof of that so yeah oh my god this has been so wonderful Dorothy can you

[00:36:14] please tell everyone like where they can find you where they can get all the content that you have

[00:36:19] so that they can start binging it all yeah absolutely so we have the podcast is called how to

[00:36:25] get over your ex and that is on Spotify or iTunes you can also find me on Instagram at breakup coach

[00:36:32] Dorothy and then my website is dorthyabjohnson.com so you can find up more resources there as well

[00:36:39] but thank you so much for having me I really appreciate it I hope that it was super helpful to

[00:36:43] everyone listening I'm grateful for your time oh my god you're so welcome I so loved having you here

[00:36:49] and thank you for all of your knowledge I want to thank Dorothy so much for coming on and sharing

[00:37:01] all of that goodness with us please go check out her podcast how to get over your ex if you are

[00:37:07] in the struggle bus like I once was I wish I had that during my breakup recovery whoo go utilize that

[00:37:17] go check out the podcast her site to all of the information that is there so that you can get to

[00:37:23] the other side of this bullshit because I promise the indifference is so powerful and you will feel

[00:37:30] like such a fucking boss bitch once you get there I love you guys I hope you enjoyed today's episode

[00:37:38] all next week cheers

[00:37:44] alright FMLers if you don't want to miss an episode make sure to follow on your favorite podcast

[00:37:50] app and if you're loving the show drop us a five star rating and leave a review you can keep up with

[00:37:56] me on Instagram at Gabrielle Stone or the podcast page at fml talk podcast for all the merch and

[00:38:02] books signed personally by me you can shop the fml line on eat prey fml.com and as always have a

[00:38:10] fucking self love cocktail on me cheers

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