Dating, Archetypes & F%cking Truth Bombs with Lilli Bewley

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[00:01:36] What is up, all of my beautiful freaking people?

[00:01:39] Welcome back to another episode of FML Talk.

[00:01:42] I'm really excited for you guys to hear this conversation.

[00:01:46] Today, we are getting into different archetypes that you are going to resonate and relate with

[00:01:52] because I was raising my fucking hand.

[00:01:55] So just trust me, sit back, grab a cocktail, and welcome to FML Talk.

[00:02:00] Oh my God.

[00:02:00] Wait, how old was the other girl?

[00:02:02] 19.

[00:02:03] Can you believe that?

[00:02:03] Hey, this is Gabrielle Stone.

[00:02:05] Is this a good book?

[00:02:05] I forgot to check her out.

[00:02:07] Oh.

[00:02:07] He did what?

[00:02:08] 48 hours?

[00:02:09] What a dick.

[00:02:10] Yeah, but have you seen all the photos on her Instagram?

[00:02:12] No.

[00:02:13] And this is FML Talk.

[00:02:15] Oh no, she didn't.

[00:02:18] Okay, you guys, Lily Bewley is here today.

[00:02:21] She is a dating coach and expert.

[00:02:22] But before you tune out and you're like, I'm in a happy relationship, Gabrielle.

[00:02:26] Why the fuck do I need to listen to an episode on dating?

[00:02:28] This has so much more to do with yourself and everything.

[00:02:34] Like far beyond dating.

[00:02:36] Lily talks about the different archetypes that we present as when we go out to date.

[00:02:43] And as she was talking, I'm like, oh, this is so much more than how we present to date.

[00:02:49] It's how we move throughout the world, how we are interacting with friendships, with work relationships.

[00:02:55] Is it keeping abundance away from us?

[00:02:59] Is it attracting love to us?

[00:03:01] Like identifying what archetype you are has so much to do with what's going on in your life,

[00:03:07] what limiting beliefs you might need to look at in your life.

[00:03:09] And it was just an episode of fucking goodness.

[00:03:12] So I'm excited for you guys to dig into it with us.

[00:03:17] So here we go.

[00:03:22] Lily, welcome to FML Talk.

[00:03:25] How are you?

[00:03:27] Hello, my love.

[00:03:28] Hi, Gabrielle.

[00:03:29] I am amazing.

[00:03:30] Thank you.

[00:03:30] I'm so excited to have this conversation with you today.

[00:03:33] I'm so excited too.

[00:03:34] Um, I think a lot of times women and men, when we think about dating period, it's like,

[00:03:43] I don't even want to go there.

[00:03:46] I can't do it.

[00:03:47] Don't want to no interest, especially when we're older.

[00:03:50] I am 35 right now.

[00:03:52] I can't imagine having to go back into the dating world, especially in Los Angeles.

[00:03:57] So I'm excited to dive into kind of like the work that you do.

[00:04:02] Can you give everybody a little bit of a backstory about how you came to do all this wonderful work?

[00:04:07] Yeah, totally.

[00:04:08] Thank you.

[00:04:09] It's so funny that you say that because that's almost like every time that I'm a speaker somewhere,

[00:04:13] they're like, you're brave.

[00:04:15] Like, why did you get into dating?

[00:04:17] Because I mean, that's what everyone says.

[00:04:19] You know, I'm not, I'm not dating any longer either.

[00:04:23] But everyone always says dating sucks, dating sucks, dating sucks, dating sucks.

[00:04:27] That's what we tell our friends.

[00:04:28] That's what we tell our family.

[00:04:29] That's, you know, it's just, that's what everybody's talking about.

[00:04:32] On TikTok, it's like, oh, I'm just, I'm good.

[00:04:34] I'll be single forever.

[00:04:35] You know, I'm good being alone.

[00:04:37] And you know, like the process that I've gone through myself, Gabrielle, is really what

[00:04:42] I'm here to talk about, right?

[00:04:43] Like it's the journey that I've taken step by step of getting to this place of epic love.

[00:04:50] You know, like something like the love that I have right now, I have a spiritual, healthy

[00:04:54] partnership is not something I ever really thought that was meant for me.

[00:04:58] And, and it wasn't always this way, you know, like I, we can talk about it, but I have something

[00:05:04] called the feminine dating archetypes, which is essentially like a phase by phase journey

[00:05:08] of what women go through who have been through some shit in the past and what they go through

[00:05:12] in their healing journey of getting to this epic love relationship.

[00:05:16] So I went through this phase where I was the chill woman and then went through this phase

[00:05:20] where I was the fortress woman and went through this phase where I was the goddess woman.

[00:05:24] And then, you know, did my work to get to this level of the magnetic woman, which is what

[00:05:28] I love to talk about and, and, you know, embody really in my life.

[00:05:33] And what I realized through this journey of getting to where I am today is that it's not

[00:05:37] really that dating sucks.

[00:05:39] It's that your experience or whoever's out there experience with dating sucks.

[00:05:44] And so really the opportunity is, do I love myself enough to change my experience?

[00:05:49] And some people it's like straight up, no, right.

[00:05:51] No, I'm good.

[00:05:52] But then other people, you know, other women that I work with, it's like, no, like I've done

[00:05:57] enough work on myself to know I can change some things.

[00:05:59] But this is just like the last thing that I need to kind of uncover and unravel inside

[00:06:04] of myself in order to get to what I want.

[00:06:07] Yeah.

[00:06:07] I want to highlight what you just said, because I feel like it's so much more than just when

[00:06:11] we're talking about dating.

[00:06:12] Like, do you love yourself enough to change your experience with anything?

[00:06:17] And like, do you love yourself enough to change your perspective on the situation that

[00:06:21] you're in, on the cards you've been dealt, on what's like showing up for you in your reality?

[00:06:26] Like, do you love yourself enough to change that perspective, to change that reality, to

[00:06:31] show up for yourself in a different way?

[00:06:33] So that is a really big gem that I want people to take away.

[00:06:37] But let's dive into these archetypes.

[00:06:39] First of all, break them down for me.

[00:06:42] And then I have a bunch of questions about them.

[00:06:45] So yeah.

[00:06:46] Oh, I'm so curious.

[00:06:47] People love talking about these because it's like, oh shit, Lily, like you're seeing me

[00:06:51] too much.

[00:06:52] Right.

[00:06:53] Like a little bit of background about like how these came about.

[00:06:56] So based off like starting from, you know, my birth, basically, I was born in a pretty

[00:07:02] traumatic environment.

[00:07:03] You know, like I experienced trauma, I experienced abuse, covert and overt abuse.

[00:07:07] I didn't really have a great example of what a healthy spiritual partnership was in my parents

[00:07:12] or anyone really in my family.

[00:07:14] And so, you know, starting at that level and getting to the place where I am today, what

[00:07:22] I realized is a bunch of stuff in the dating process that nobody talks about.

[00:07:26] And when I started to recognize that in myself, and then I started to see patterns in the clients

[00:07:30] that I was working with of these different phases.

[00:07:32] That's kind of where this came about, the feminine dating archetypes.

[00:07:34] Mm hmm.

[00:07:35] And it's hard when you have this thing in dating where you maybe know that you deserve better,

[00:07:42] but better isn't showing up for you.

[00:07:44] Right.

[00:07:44] Or, you know, that you've done the work and you know that you love yourself, but sometimes

[00:07:48] your behaviors and actions aren't really, you know, like it doesn't indicate that you

[00:07:53] really love yourself, your behaviors and actions.

[00:07:55] And so some things that I really pride myself on is really taking the inside out approach

[00:08:01] when it comes to dating.

[00:08:02] And of course, like if I know you've had, you know, manifestation experts on the podcast

[00:08:06] and what they'll tell you is they'll tell you that in order to get what you want on the

[00:08:12] outside, you have to change some things about what's happening on the inside of you.

[00:08:15] And it's the same with dating love.

[00:08:17] And so this whole thing, this whole framework, this, the phases of the feminine dating archetype

[00:08:22] are literally phases that you can go through to get to reach ascension, which, like I said,

[00:08:26] I always strive to be the magnetic woman most of the time.

[00:08:30] But the hard thing is, is if we don't heal our patterns, if we don't heal our blocks, if

[00:08:35] we don't like, you know, rewire those subconscious and unconscious programmings, then we're going

[00:08:39] to get stuck in a pattern.

[00:08:41] And that's where the archetypes come in.

[00:08:44] So I'll start with the chill woman.

[00:08:46] I'll kind of lay it out a little bit as far as like the characteristics that she sees in

[00:08:49] her dating life.

[00:08:50] And I'll tell you from the get, when I was the chill woman, and this was me for decades

[00:08:56] of my life.

[00:08:57] And when I was the chill woman, I think my most proud moment at the time, but really cringey

[00:09:05] moment at the time was the day I slept with two men in one day.

[00:09:09] Hey, we've all been there.

[00:09:11] I've been the chill woman.

[00:09:13] Let's be honest.

[00:09:14] You know, I was so, you know, like at the time I was so like proud.

[00:09:20] I was so proud of myself to get the guy.

[00:09:22] You know, there's like that dopamine rush.

[00:09:23] There's like, you know, it's just, you know, getting these hot men and all this stuff, but

[00:09:27] really was crushing, you know, inside of myself.

[00:09:30] The chill woman really searches for validation and connection.

[00:09:34] And again, this isn't her fault.

[00:09:35] This is just really what's happening inside of her.

[00:09:38] She's super familiar with overwhelm and anxiety in the dating process.

[00:09:42] And like, if she's on the apps or she meets someone in real life and she doesn't hear from

[00:09:46] the other person in 48 hours, 72 hours, it's like overthinking.

[00:09:50] What should I say?

[00:09:51] You know, it's, it's, it's all the things, right?

[00:09:54] Everyone, I, there are a lot of people that are super familiar with this, you know, this

[00:09:58] occurrence.

[00:09:58] The thing about the chill woman when she's dating is she tends to get ghosted a lot and

[00:10:03] she doesn't understand.

[00:10:03] Interesting.

[00:10:04] Yeah.

[00:10:05] So that's, it's an interesting thing that happens on the outside of her, but it is a pattern

[00:10:09] that she sees.

[00:10:10] So she's really good at communicating.

[00:10:12] So she doesn't understand why she gets ghosted so much.

[00:10:16] Right.

[00:10:16] And she'll try to ask for a conversation and it never really works and they just disappear.

[00:10:21] Typically she attracts men who just want to hang out and chill, which is why the chill woman

[00:10:26] gets her name.

[00:10:27] And she tends to say yes, because she really, you know, she thinks there might be a, an opportunity.

[00:10:33] She really wants the kitchen.

[00:10:35] She likes to love.

[00:10:36] And there's a lot of like really intense feelings at the beginning for the chill woman.

[00:10:41] And then like month two or month three, either they're gone or it gets really like the anxiety,

[00:10:46] overwhelm and overthinking start to kick in.

[00:10:49] Interesting.

[00:10:49] Yeah.

[00:10:50] I know a lot of people are being like, oh fuck, that's me.

[00:10:53] Yeah.

[00:10:54] Um, and really like chasing the, what if chasing like the fantasy of it all?

[00:11:00] Like, well, this could turn into something.

[00:11:01] Well, he could end up wanting something more than just a Netflix and chill type thing.

[00:11:06] So that makes a lot of sense to me.

[00:11:07] Yeah.

[00:11:08] The good news is that kind of identified with each phase, what the healing needs to happen

[00:11:13] on the inside of us to get to the next phase.

[00:11:15] Yeah.

[00:11:15] And what the opportunity is for the chill woman, if anyone out there listening is identifying

[00:11:21] with the chill woman is that what she really needs to work on is her boundaries, her energetic

[00:11:27] and time boundaries, who she says yes to, who she says no to.

[00:11:31] And in order to do that, she really needs to hear and see and understand different parts

[00:11:35] of herself.

[00:11:36] Right.

[00:11:36] Cause there's a part of herself.

[00:11:37] You know, a lot of times when we're seeing patterns like this and we've been through some

[00:11:41] stuff in the past, we think that we're kind of crazy because we know better, but we still

[00:11:45] do the thing that isn't good for us.

[00:11:47] Right.

[00:11:48] Yeah.

[00:11:48] And always the opportunity is just to realize like your patterns are not you.

[00:11:54] They are just a part of you that are screaming for you to heal.

[00:11:57] And so that's a lot of what's happening with the chill woman.

[00:12:00] Her work really is to get down to what her needs and wants and desires are and be able to

[00:12:06] express them.

[00:12:07] Right.

[00:12:07] Cause those are kind of like the energetic boundaries that she can put out at the beginning

[00:12:11] of the process.

[00:12:11] So she doesn't go down this path of overwhelm, overthinking, getting ghosted, maybe even

[00:12:17] staying in a relationship too long with somebody that sucks.

[00:12:20] You know, all of those things can really be nipped at the, at the beginning of the relationship

[00:12:25] if she can dial in those parts.

[00:12:26] Totally.

[00:12:27] Oh my God.

[00:12:28] That's such a clear and accurate description of so many people I know.

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[00:13:45] Okay, take me to the next one.

[00:13:47] And is this, are they something that like you like shed that skin, leave behind, and then

[00:13:51] you turn into this person?

[00:13:52] Or it's just like you have to identify which archetype you are?

[00:13:55] Yeah, well, most women start at the very beginning.

[00:13:58] I have a quiz.

[00:13:59] It's at datingarchetype.com.

[00:14:00] I'd actually be really interested to hear what you do.

[00:14:02] I do.

[00:14:03] So most women start, the women that I work with, most of them start at either the chill

[00:14:08] woman or the goddess woman, and we'll get to that as well.

[00:14:10] And then through their process and through the process, the step-by-step journey that we

[00:14:15] go through together, they do shed those parts of themselves.

[00:14:18] As they heal, they shed those tendencies.

[00:14:20] They shed those behaviors, those like, you know, people call them limiting beliefs, right?

[00:14:25] Like, I'm not enough.

[00:14:26] I'm not lovable.

[00:14:28] Really limiting beliefs in my work are really actually self-protecting beliefs.

[00:14:32] Yeah, absolutely.

[00:14:33] And that's a whole other conversation.

[00:14:35] But yeah, to answer your question, it is a shed.

[00:14:37] I call it ascension because really you're ascending up to your next level of greatness,

[00:14:42] your next level of fulfillment, you know, in your life and your next level of self-actualization

[00:14:47] too, right?

[00:14:48] Because it's all about becoming who you are.

[00:14:50] You know, like people can say, oh, just go be authentic.

[00:14:53] Just go be yourself on dates.

[00:14:55] But if you're like me, I didn't know who the fuck I was, right?

[00:14:59] Like I didn't know who I was.

[00:15:00] And so this is really what it's about.

[00:15:02] It's becoming who you are at your core, not like what you do.

[00:15:07] Yeah.

[00:15:07] And I think a lot of people that identify with the chill woman show up as that because

[00:15:12] they think that's what the other person is wanting.

[00:15:15] Oh, I'll just, I'm not too serious.

[00:15:17] I don't need a relationship.

[00:15:18] Like, it's fine.

[00:15:19] We can just like hang out and be friends.

[00:15:20] Like, I think they show up that way because that's what they think the other person is

[00:15:24] wanting.

[00:15:25] Yeah.

[00:15:25] And it's like, if you're dating and not showing up as yourself and this person is falling

[00:15:31] in like or in love or whatever the capacity is, if they're becoming interested in you

[00:15:37] for a version of yourself, that's not true and authentic to who you are.

[00:15:41] You're just wasting the first however many months you're going to put on this front before

[00:15:45] they're like, wait, what do you mean?

[00:15:47] I didn't know you wanted a B and C and like, how did we get here?

[00:15:51] And that's not what you presented to me.

[00:15:52] So like, why are we wasting the time in doing that?

[00:15:55] Okay.

[00:15:55] Take me to the next architect.

[00:15:56] Does not end well.

[00:15:58] Does not end well.

[00:15:59] Does not end well.

[00:16:00] So the fortress woman is hilarious.

[00:16:02] The fortress woman is the next one.

[00:16:04] And this is hilarious because, and mind you, I have walked every single step of this path.

[00:16:12] The fortress woman, if she's hearing me right now, is going to get really, really triggered

[00:16:15] by this.

[00:16:17] So I just want, I know I love you and I see you.

[00:16:20] So when I was the fortress woman, the fortress woman has a wall, the size of the great wall

[00:16:27] of China around her heart, right?

[00:16:29] She is not going to let anyone in.

[00:16:31] And this is a lot of what I see on TikTok.

[00:16:33] Like, oh, I'm good alone.

[00:16:35] And I know that we are good alone.

[00:16:37] Us as women, we are independent.

[00:16:39] We can do our things.

[00:16:41] We know how to get things done.

[00:16:42] We have our business.

[00:16:44] We, we, we run, run our lives like we would run the world, right?

[00:16:47] We got that down.

[00:16:49] And with the fortress woman, hyper independence y'all is a trauma response, right?

[00:16:54] And so the opportunity for the fortress woman.

[00:16:57] So I know that the fortress woman has been hurt by love before.

[00:17:00] And the only way to defend her heart is just to not let someone in.

[00:17:05] It's too risky.

[00:17:06] And what's funny, Gabrielle, about the fortress woman when I was a fortress woman is, you know,

[00:17:12] like when I would do a vision board, I would have not a partner on my vision board because

[00:17:18] I'm good.

[00:17:18] I'm good alone.

[00:17:19] I would have a big ass house, you know, a mansion.

[00:17:22] And then I would have like tons of dogs and animals and cats.

[00:17:25] And I would just be solo.

[00:17:27] Love it.

[00:17:28] And that would be me.

[00:17:30] I'll be fine and content and happy.

[00:17:32] True.

[00:17:32] Right?

[00:17:32] Like, I'm not saying that you're not good alone.

[00:17:35] What I am saying is that there are parts of the fortress woman that are not vulnerable.

[00:17:42] And here's the opportunity right now, right?

[00:17:45] There are parts of the fortress woman that are not vulnerable inside of herself because

[00:17:49] she is afraid to express vulnerability outside of herself because it's too scary.

[00:17:54] She also doesn't trust herself to choose the right people because the people that she is

[00:17:59] has trusted and brought into her heart space and to her home and her energy and her time

[00:18:05] and all that stuff, they haven't been the right people.

[00:18:07] So in order to just turn herself off from pain or hurt, it's just I'm just going to put

[00:18:13] up that wall and I'm going to be OK alone.

[00:18:15] So her work is really learn how to trust herself, really learn how to trust her intuition so that

[00:18:21] she can choose the right person that is willing to walk down the path than the journey of of love.

[00:18:29] Yeah, it's funny because the fortress woman is really quick on the apps if she's on the

[00:18:35] apps at all is she's really quick to break it off, delete or block.

[00:18:39] And also when I was the fortress woman, if they had bad grammar or misspelled a word,

[00:18:45] they were gone.

[00:18:47] And again, I'm not putting anything on anyone else about how they should do their dating life.

[00:18:52] That's not what I'm saying.

[00:18:53] But what I'm saying is, what's the energy of your behaviors?

[00:18:56] What's the energy of your reactions?

[00:18:58] Like, yeah, is this really an act of this is in alignment with me or is it because I'm really

[00:19:02] afraid to put myself out there and be hurt again?

[00:19:05] That's the fortress woman.

[00:19:07] Yeah.

[00:19:07] I mean, I've definitely been that before in my life, for sure.

[00:19:10] And I think, you know, touching on the limiting beliefs, which you're right,

[00:19:14] that's an entirely separate podcast, but we have talked about that a lot on the show before.

[00:19:18] I think those limiting beliefs tend to go hand in hand with that fortress woman because so

[00:19:25] often I'll get DMS about like, well, I keep dating people that cheat on me or I keep dating

[00:19:30] people who are narcissists.

[00:19:31] And it's like, OK, but there's something in you that's attracting those people to like

[00:19:35] get those lessons and clear and learn from that.

[00:19:38] So I think it's a lot of times when we're like, no, no, just holding up the hand.

[00:19:42] It's because we've experienced that so many times.

[00:19:45] And now we're like, OK, I'm done.

[00:19:47] Totally.

[00:19:47] Like there is great function for being in the fortress woman phase, no doubt, you know,

[00:19:52] after a breakup or when you are doing your healing work and really focusing on yourself.

[00:19:58] But it's I don't know if you know these people, but I know these women because I like I think I

[00:20:03] see them the most on TikTok.

[00:20:05] It's either I see the goddess woman on TikTok or the fortress woman on TikTok.

[00:20:09] God.

[00:20:10] And it's like done after, you know, I'm good.

[00:20:14] I'm I'm done with love.

[00:20:16] I'm not doing this anymore, especially after a divorce, two divorces.

[00:20:20] You know, oh, I'm too old for this.

[00:20:22] I'm in my 40s.

[00:20:23] I'm in my 50s.

[00:20:24] I'm in my 60s.

[00:20:25] I'm good as I am.

[00:20:26] What if there was a way to go out there and protect yourself, listen to your intuition

[00:20:32] and learn how to trust yourself and be good on your own and welcome someone amazing in

[00:20:38] your life.

[00:20:39] A love you have never experienced before.

[00:20:41] Right.

[00:20:41] That's really the opportunity.

[00:20:43] Yeah, I love that.

[00:20:44] OK, so we have the chill woman, the fortress woman who's next.

[00:20:48] The goddess woman.

[00:20:49] The goddess woman is next.

[00:20:51] And she's like I said, I work mostly with the chill woman and the goddess woman.

[00:20:54] And the goddess woman is really interesting because she has done a lot of work on herself.

[00:21:00] She's done her therapy.

[00:21:01] She's done her coaching.

[00:21:03] She loves the books and the podcasts.

[00:21:07] Yet what she's experiencing in her dating life is completely the opposite of what she thinks

[00:21:13] or what she knows that she could experience.

[00:21:15] So here's an example.

[00:21:16] A lot of the goddess woman, you know, have an outward perception of everything being OK.

[00:21:22] Life is OK.

[00:21:23] Their Instagram is on point, you know, and their life is real happy and full and stuff like

[00:21:28] that.

[00:21:28] But there's a little bit of a false, you know, mirror happening there because on her in her

[00:21:33] dating life, she sees the emotionally available men constantly.

[00:21:36] She sees herself, you know, going through these relationships and not really loving it.

[00:21:42] She's super confused about love because she knows it's like a weird thing because she knows

[00:21:47] that she deserves better.

[00:21:49] But the what she deserves is not really showing up.

[00:21:52] She's done the work.

[00:21:53] She's worked on the characteristics that she's written them down, you know, the partner that

[00:21:57] she wants.

[00:21:58] She's written a letter to her soulmate.

[00:22:00] She might have a love altar or something like that.

[00:22:02] But the patterns that she's seeing inside of herself, her behaviors, she goes between like

[00:22:08] really high anxiety, but then really low depression.

[00:22:10] There's like a very high low happening in her in her dating life.

[00:22:15] And what she a lot of the feedback that the goddess woman gets is that she intimidates

[00:22:20] men.

[00:22:21] Oh, hi.

[00:22:22] That's me.

[00:22:23] All of this is ringing.

[00:22:25] Ding, ding, ding.

[00:22:25] This is Gabrielle.

[00:22:36] I love you.

[00:22:37] I was I was super.

[00:22:38] I'm always super curious about where we're, you know, like where we are in the process.

[00:22:43] 100%.

[00:22:43] I mean, look, I'm married and I have the most wonderful partner on the planet.

[00:22:48] But it's so funny.

[00:22:50] He'll always be, you know, if I ever go out with my girlfriends or like if I'm going out

[00:22:53] to like a work event, he'll always make like a cute comment about, you know, like tell everybody

[00:22:59] that you're taking you got a cute baby at home, like joking in that like cute jealousy way.

[00:23:04] And I'm like, you really think that I walk around here like warding off men with like a

[00:23:12] fucking fly swatter like that are just coming at me 24 seven.

[00:23:15] I am so intimidating and not meaning to be.

[00:23:20] But when I go out, I'm like, I rarely, even when I was single, it's like fighting it.

[00:23:28] I rarely would get hit on, which is why I would always end up with men that were like

[00:23:32] super in their power for better or worse and like intense because they were like,

[00:23:39] OK, that's fine.

[00:23:40] I'll fucking break down the wall and like, let's go, you know, but like, no, I'm.

[00:23:44] Yes, very much so me.

[00:23:46] OK, continue.

[00:23:46] Sorry.

[00:23:47] No, please.

[00:23:48] I'm here for it.

[00:23:49] I'm here for it.

[00:23:50] This is what I love about these conversations is like a lot of times we really have a hard

[00:23:55] time unless they're like really good friends.

[00:23:57] We have a hard time actually being like, no, like everything looks good on the outside.

[00:24:01] But actually, the shit, it's really shitty.

[00:24:03] Like, I don't like the way this feels.

[00:24:05] I don't like the type of men that are showing up for me or we can complain about it, but we

[00:24:09] won't try to make changes.

[00:24:11] Right.

[00:24:11] Like, and that's that's the whole gist of the opportunity here.

[00:24:15] The thing with the goddess woman is, again, like her need.

[00:24:19] She has a need for a conscious relationship.

[00:24:21] But again, like for whatever reason, that's super intimidating.

[00:24:25] Maybe it's not the same thing that you went through, but she's done her work.

[00:24:28] She knows what she wants.

[00:24:30] And almost it's like when she's going on dates, she is really dating a checklist, the checklist

[00:24:36] that she's made instead of really being able to interact and connect with the person in front

[00:24:42] of her, like the man in front of her.

[00:24:43] So her work for the goddess woman to get to her next level of ascension is going to be

[00:24:48] about her internal perfectionism, her internal parts that are really, really wanting her to

[00:24:55] be perfect and not be messy.

[00:24:57] Her work inside of herself is about control as well.

[00:25:01] Like there's a loud inner critic inside of the goddess woman.

[00:25:04] And so it's really about healing and understanding all these different parts of her so that she

[00:25:09] can actually be in alignment with who she is instead of having to be perfect, instead of

[00:25:14] having to be in control.

[00:25:15] And again, like that inner critic is heck a judgy on the outside and inside.

[00:25:20] And so that makes it really hard.

[00:25:22] You know, if you're in a dating situation, like I know in your head, you want to get to

[00:25:26] know this person, right?

[00:25:27] Like you want to get to know someone.

[00:25:29] But if inside yourself, you're not really even open to the parts of yourself that need

[00:25:34] to be seen or heard and aren't under this, like this kind of judgy gaze, I guess, inside

[00:25:39] of ourselves.

[00:25:41] And the inner critic again is really, really loud.

[00:25:43] Then there's no way that you're going to be able to see someone if you can't do that

[00:25:46] inside yourself.

[00:25:47] Right.

[00:25:48] Preach.

[00:25:49] Okay.

[00:25:49] I'm really interested now to hear about what's the last one, the magnetic woman.

[00:25:55] Yeah, the magnetic woman.

[00:25:57] So the magnetic woman is, again, this is for me, a woman that I had never known.

[00:26:02] I did not know anyone like this in my life.

[00:26:05] And I can tell you a really beautiful short story about how this manifested for me in my

[00:26:11] current relationship.

[00:26:13] And, you know, I've been doing this for a while.

[00:26:15] I've had the feminine dating archetypes, like thousands of women have taken the quiz.

[00:26:19] And I just started dating my partner at the time.

[00:26:23] And we were shopping at the very beginning of our relationship in Trader Joe's.

[00:26:27] And the magnetic woman, she knows who she is and what she wants.

[00:26:32] And what you're talking about, Gabrielle, about like going out and having this energy

[00:26:35] of like, you know, basically fuck off, you know, like this energy of like, I'm good.

[00:26:41] The magnetic woman has this.

[00:26:42] And I'm sure you know these women or you've seen these women before.

[00:26:45] But she has this energy of like, I'm open, but I'm also discerning.

[00:26:49] You know, like I'm happy and loving, but also don't step on me.

[00:26:53] You know, like there's this really beautiful energy of duality inside of her that people

[00:26:57] can feel.

[00:26:58] And I was in Trader Joe's with him and people just started coming up to me.

[00:27:03] You know, I love your nails.

[00:27:04] I love your hair.

[00:27:05] You know, like just just attracted to who I was as a person.

[00:27:09] And he was just sitting over there just watching people come up to me.

[00:27:14] And this continued to happen as we were there.

[00:27:17] And I remember I was checking out and he comes over.

[00:27:21] And again, this is the beginning of our relationship.

[00:27:23] Like now we're two, two years down the road.

[00:27:25] So it's like, you know, it's gotten a little bit more even keeled.

[00:27:28] And he comes over, he was watching me and he comes over and leans down.

[00:27:33] He was a tall man, leans down and whispers in my ear, you are a magnet.

[00:27:38] And what he saw in me was everything that I knew what I was, but was never really safe

[00:27:45] to express it.

[00:27:46] Right.

[00:27:46] This is so weird.

[00:27:47] You're literally describing my relationship with my husband.

[00:27:51] Like I would describe myself as the goddess energy.

[00:27:55] But if he was sitting here, he'd be like, no, bitch, you are in fact the you're a magnet.

[00:27:59] You walk into a room, you like go towards everyone.

[00:28:02] Like it's so I feel like it's probably a little bit of both.

[00:28:07] Or I was the goddess and have moved to the magnet, but still identify with some goddess stuff.

[00:28:12] But that's really interesting because it's exactly you saying like he saw me how I was,

[00:28:19] but couldn't accept and see myself as that yet.

[00:28:21] I literally have that sentence written in my second book about my current husband.

[00:28:27] Really?

[00:28:28] Yeah.

[00:28:28] Wow.

[00:28:29] I just got the chills.

[00:28:30] Yeah.

[00:28:31] And so you probably are like just me hearing that you probably are moving or have moved,

[00:28:36] you know, to the magnetic woman because, you know, again, like the goddess woman is a badass,

[00:28:42] right?

[00:28:42] She's been through some shit.

[00:28:44] She knows how to get things done.

[00:28:46] She, you know, she's done her healing work.

[00:28:49] And really what it comes down to is what you're saying, which, which is who am I?

[00:28:55] Who am I without all of the affirmations and the validation?

[00:29:01] And instead of, again, like instead of that energy of outside of ourselves trying to validate

[00:29:07] who we are, it's like, no, it's like, it's a feeling that you feel inside of your soul

[00:29:12] and inside of your heart, inside of your body.

[00:29:15] It's like the way that you hold your shoulders and your neck, you know, it's, I know it

[00:29:19] sounds silly, but like you can feel the energy in your body when you are a magnet to everything

[00:29:25] in life that you desire.

[00:29:26] Right.

[00:29:27] And it's, again, it's really, really, it's a, it's a very critical.

[00:29:30] And most of the time it's a short phase for the goddess woman because she's already

[00:29:34] done the work.

[00:29:35] So she knows like she already has that paradigm of like, okay, let's get this done.

[00:29:40] You know, let's, let's heal what we need to heal in order.

[00:29:42] And, and a lot of times for the goddess woman, it's really just the last turn of the dial

[00:29:48] inside of herself, which, which is again, a lot about perfectionism, a lot about control

[00:29:53] and a lot about judgment basically inside and inside of herself.

[00:29:57] Have you done a lot of healing about those three things?

[00:29:59] Yeah.

[00:30:00] Like recently?

[00:30:01] Yeah.

[00:30:01] Yeah.

[00:30:02] And I mean, I think it's all what you're kind of always on that journey of like, it's the

[00:30:08] layers of it.

[00:30:09] So it's like you get to one part and then there's another layer.

[00:30:11] But yes, absolutely.

[00:30:13] And I identify with both of those for sure.

[00:30:17] And I feel like, again, this is, this goes so far beyond like dating.

[00:30:22] And if you're wanting to like date, like it's about knowing yourself and who you are.

[00:30:26] And so many of these qualities that you're talking about, about each of these archetypes

[00:30:31] are going to dictate how you move through life.

[00:30:35] And yes, like your friendships and your work relationships and what you're able to attract

[00:30:40] in your life and what you're not able to attract in your life, what you're holding away, how

[00:30:44] it's affecting your finances.

[00:30:45] Like it's so much more than dating.

[00:30:48] It is.

[00:30:48] Yeah.

[00:30:49] Yeah.

[00:30:49] Okay.

[00:30:50] So talk to me a little bit about the work that you do and how you implement these archetypes

[00:30:55] and like how you're guiding women to not fucking hate dating at any age in their life.

[00:31:02] Yes.

[00:31:03] You know, like dating is just school.

[00:31:05] You know, like you said, I mean, it really is.

[00:31:07] It's just, it really is school.

[00:31:09] And whether you want to learn or whether you don't, whether you can choose with the part

[00:31:14] of you, here's the thing.

[00:31:16] This is, you know, for any women that are connecting with what I'm saying is that we

[00:31:20] don't know what we don't know.

[00:31:21] The love that you want, the feeling of being whole in the dating process, the feeling of

[00:31:29] being able to speak up for yourself and your needs and wants and desires that, you know,

[00:31:33] for the chill woman at the very beginning and say, Hey, you know, like I'm really here

[00:31:38] because I want a committed relationship and having the language to do that, the courage,

[00:31:43] you know, all of the things that it takes to do that at the beginning is really a healing

[00:31:46] process.

[00:31:47] That's what it is.

[00:31:49] Again, like inside out approach.

[00:31:50] When I work with women, I work them through the love awakening blueprint.

[00:31:54] And what that is, is a step-by-step journey into love.

[00:31:57] Step one, we look at your dating nervous system regulation.

[00:32:01] So the nervous system is actually really important.

[00:32:04] Again, whole other podcast.

[00:32:05] I'm sure you've talked about the nervous system on here as well.

[00:32:08] But really what we want to do is we want to calm your inner storm so that you can reduce

[00:32:13] that anxiety, that overthinking.

[00:32:15] So you're not waking up every day with a sense of like chaos.

[00:32:19] And so you have peace and you're really ready to embrace, you know, whatever happens in dating

[00:32:25] and life, whether they message you back or whether they don't, whether, you know, if you're the

[00:32:29] goddess woman, he's super hot and I'm trying to convince myself that I like him and maybe I

[00:32:35] shouldn't.

[00:32:35] So it's like when we're calm, we can make decisions based on our best interest.

[00:32:40] Then what we look at is step two, which is healing past wounds.

[00:32:44] So this is the, like the deeper level healing work that we do.

[00:32:47] Release the past, right?

[00:32:49] So we can let go of those traumas, those things that have happened, the unhealthy examples,

[00:32:53] you know, that have been set for you so we can make space inside of ourselves for healthier

[00:32:59] patterns and more positive relationships.

[00:33:01] Again, we don't know what we don't know.

[00:33:04] And this is one thing why, you know, people always say, you know, you have to love yourself

[00:33:10] in order for someone to love you.

[00:33:11] Yep.

[00:33:12] Right.

[00:33:12] We've heard that, but it's become more of a platitude, I think, than anything else,

[00:33:16] because what self-love really is to me is like, do my behaviors and my actions, my

[00:33:21] beliefs and my emotions line up with love inside of myself.

[00:33:27] Right.

[00:33:27] And that's what I think self-love means.

[00:33:29] And so when we heal those past wounds, instead of a lot of like fear and anxiety, overwhelm,

[00:33:35] sadness, depression, there's space inside of ourselves for joy, for happiness, for potential,

[00:33:41] for hope, for opportunity.

[00:33:42] So that's where, what we do around step two.

[00:33:45] Step three, we're looking at inner alignment.

[00:33:47] So like this is, again, uniting all of the parts of ourselves, the part that's like,

[00:33:53] oh, he's really hot.

[00:33:54] I should go for him.

[00:33:55] And the other part that's like, no, you shouldn't, girl.

[00:33:57] That's going to be a bad, you know, a bad move.

[00:33:59] Right.

[00:34:00] So it's really aligning these different voices that we have, these different parts of ourselves

[00:34:04] inside of us so that we can address any misalignments inside.

[00:34:08] And we want to make sure that your bond, your mind, your body, your spirit, they're all in

[00:34:12] harmony.

[00:34:13] You know, that leads to a greater sense of self-trust and self-confidence.

[00:34:17] All of those come through, you know, magnetic woman's style instead of, you know, all of the

[00:34:22] behaviors and patterns that really kind of keep you stuck.

[00:34:25] And then the last part that we do after we do that, again, this is layer on layer.

[00:34:29] We look at your dating systems and processes.

[00:34:32] And as unsexy as this sounds, like raise your hand if you're in the car or whatever,

[00:34:38] if you would love a system and process, I love system and processes.

[00:34:42] They keep me safe and I think they're sexy.

[00:34:44] So what through all of this, what we've come up with is a system and process to master

[00:34:49] modern dating.

[00:34:50] And so you can approach dating with effective strategies, confidence, and really what we

[00:34:55] want to get you towards is attracting that loving and healthy relationship.

[00:34:59] Awesome.

[00:35:00] Oh, my God.

[00:35:01] It's like, even if I, God forbid, ever had to like, for whatever reason, go back into

[00:35:07] the dating world, you really do have a way of describing it to make it not as scary and

[00:35:14] horrible as we all associate it with.

[00:35:17] Well, and we don't have to do this on our own.

[00:35:20] You know, you know, the thing is, is that we're such we're so good, you know, again,

[00:35:24] hyper independence is a trauma response.

[00:35:27] And we're so good at being lone wolves.

[00:35:29] Right.

[00:35:29] And sometimes we go to our friends and our family and we, you know, tell them that dating

[00:35:34] sucks.

[00:35:34] But really what we want is really to be seen and heard and understood.

[00:35:38] Right.

[00:35:38] And they kind of I've been there many times, you know, throughout my journey of like I

[00:35:42] kind of stopped telling people about my dating drama because, you know, no one wants to hear

[00:35:48] that.

[00:35:48] And it felt like I was repeating the same thing over and over again.

[00:35:51] So I got to this place where I was on an island by myself and trying to figure this out on

[00:35:55] my own.

[00:35:56] And that's where all this, you know, came up.

[00:35:58] And I always like to say where there's drama, there's trauma.

[00:36:00] Right.

[00:36:01] So there's always.

[00:36:03] Yeah.

[00:36:04] But there's always healing work to do if you're seeing this kind of chaos in your life.

[00:36:08] Again, dating doesn't have to be that way.

[00:36:11] Right.

[00:36:11] And it's more than just like going to fix your profile.

[00:36:14] It's like, you know, what's happening on the inside of you?

[00:36:17] What where are you out of alignment?

[00:36:19] How's your nervous system?

[00:36:21] You know, all of those things, which I think is so important.

[00:36:23] Again, no one talks about.

[00:36:24] Yeah.

[00:36:25] I mean, I've had a couple of different people on this show over the past four or five seasons,

[00:36:30] whatever the hell we're on now or six and that have talked about dating and been dating

[00:36:35] experts.

[00:36:36] But you're the first person who I've been like, oh, this is this is it.

[00:36:41] Like, this is where the the golden nuggets are, because you're digging into the things

[00:36:47] that are underneath the superficial layer of like what to do and how to present, like how

[00:36:52] to, you know, pick a good person and how to keep your vibe up in the profile.

[00:36:57] So I really resonated with a lot of the things you said.

[00:36:59] And I do feel that it went far beyond what you need for successful dating.

[00:37:06] So thank you for being here.

[00:37:07] Thank you for sharing all of that.

[00:37:08] Can you tell people where they can find you to keep up with your work again, where they

[00:37:13] can go to take that quiz that now I want to go take and where they can find you and reach

[00:37:18] out to you if they want to do some work?

[00:37:20] Yeah, totally.

[00:37:21] I totally appreciate you.

[00:37:22] I love you.

[00:37:23] I love your vibe.

[00:37:24] I was listening to a few shows before I got on.

[00:37:26] So thank you so much for this time.

[00:37:28] Yeah, I would invite anyone, any woman who is either single or in a relationship and

[00:37:33] wants to learn more about her patterns in relationship and, you know, why those things are showing

[00:37:37] up for her to go to datingarchetype.com.

[00:37:41] And it's a two minute quiz.

[00:37:43] It'll help you reveal your blocks to love and help you find your true love match.

[00:37:47] And I'm at Lily Bugley on all the socials as well.

[00:37:50] If you want to connect there and, you know, feel free to DM me and ask questions.

[00:37:54] I'll be happy to answer as well.

[00:37:56] Awesome.

[00:37:56] I love that.

[00:37:56] And do you work only with women or do you work with men as well?

[00:38:00] I work one on one with men.

[00:38:02] Sometimes it really kind of depends on my workload, but I have worked with one on one

[00:38:06] men in the past.

[00:38:07] Mostly I work with women through, you know, various different programs, but all through

[00:38:11] the same process.

[00:38:13] Okay, cool.

[00:38:13] All right, Lily, thank you so much for being here.

[00:38:15] This was so wonderful.

[00:38:16] Thank you for sharing all of this like really, really great wisdom with us.

[00:38:19] And it was lovely to meet you.

[00:38:21] I appreciate it.

[00:38:22] Thank you.

[00:38:22] My pleasure.

[00:38:23] Thank you.

[00:38:28] I want to thank Lily so much for coming on again.

[00:38:31] This episode was so valuable.

[00:38:33] And I hope that if you are venturing out into the gator filled waters,

[00:38:39] of the dating world, it feels a little less scary with this.

[00:38:43] And if you are in any type of relationship, happy or not, I feel like this gave you some

[00:38:50] really good insights as to how you are showing up to your partner, different ways you might

[00:38:57] need to adjust things.

[00:38:58] You could let go strengths that you have because it again went so far beyond the dating world,

[00:39:05] those archetypes that you identify with.

[00:39:08] Like I was like, hi, me triggered.

[00:39:10] That's Gabrielle.

[00:39:12] So I hope you guys got as much out of this episode as I did.

[00:39:15] And I will see you next week.

[00:39:17] Cheers.

[00:39:21] All right, FMLers.

[00:39:22] If you don't want to miss an episode, make sure to follow on your favorite podcast app.

[00:39:27] And if you're loving the show, drop us a five-star rating and leave a review.

[00:39:31] You can keep up with me on Instagram at Gabrielle Stone or the podcast page at FML Talk Podcast.

[00:39:38] For all the merch and books signed personally by me, you can shop the FML line on eatpreyfml.com.

[00:39:46] And as always, have a fucking self-love cocktail on me.

[00:39:50] Cheers.

[00:39:58] This podcast has been brought to you by Podcast Nation.