Breakups, The Bachelor, and Personal F%cking Growth with Susie Evans

[00:00:00] [SPEAKER_00]: You guys my goals for my body and fitness have drastically changed after having a baby

[00:00:06] [SPEAKER_00]: Now I care a lot less about the outside and more about the inside

[00:00:11] [SPEAKER_00]: One of the most insightful pieces of knowledge you can have about your body is about your metabolism. It is your body's engine

[00:00:20] [SPEAKER_00]: Lumen has made it so that we can stay on top of our metabolic health so that we can improve our metabolic health

[00:00:27] [SPEAKER_00]: All you have to do is breathe into your lumen first thing in the morning and it gives you a full report of what is going

[00:00:34] [SPEAKER_00]: on with your metabolism and a

[00:00:37] [SPEAKER_00]: personalized nutrition plan that is best suited to your needs

[00:00:40] [SPEAKER_00]: You can also breathe into it before and after a workout to see what's happening in real time and get tips on what you

[00:00:47] [SPEAKER_00]: Could be doing to help you achieve your goals

[00:00:49] [SPEAKER_00]: It's pretty spectacular to have so much information to stay on top of your health game from the inside out

[00:00:56] [SPEAKER_00]: For me personally, it's been a game-changer to have recommendations on how to keep my

[00:01:02] [SPEAKER_00]: metabolism healthy through all of the hormonal shifts that I'm currently dealing with to give myself the extra energy that I need

[00:01:09] [SPEAKER_00]: So if you want to take the next step in improving your health go to lumen.me

[00:01:15] [SPEAKER_00]: FML talk to get 15% off your lumen that is

[00:01:22] [SPEAKER_00]: lumen.me

[00:01:23] [SPEAKER_00]: FML talk for 15% off your purchase. Thank you lumen for sponsoring this episode

[00:01:31] [SPEAKER_00]: Hello. Hello all of my beautiful freaking people. Welcome back to another episode of FML talk

[00:01:37] [SPEAKER_00]: We are getting into it today the lies the cheating

[00:01:42] [SPEAKER_00]: The reality TV all the things that Suzy Evans from the bachelor is here

[00:01:48] [SPEAKER_00]: So sit back grab a cocktail and welcome to FML talk

[00:01:55] [SPEAKER_00]: 19 hey, this is Gabrielle Stone

[00:02:05] [SPEAKER_00]: And this is FML talk, oh no, she didn't

[00:02:10] [SPEAKER_00]: Okay, you guys this is gonna be a fun girl talk episode Suzy from Clayton season of the bachelor is here

[00:02:16] [SPEAKER_00]: You know, I love my reality TV my bachelor nation vibes. So we are going to get into

[00:02:23] [SPEAKER_00]: Some behind-the-scenes of what it's like to be on a reality TV show

[00:02:27] [SPEAKER_00]: But also some cheating stories her recent breakup that she is currently navigating

[00:02:33] [SPEAKER_00]: And how she's dealing with that in the public eye and really some good advice

[00:02:39] [SPEAKER_00]: On how to move through this crazy world

[00:02:44] [SPEAKER_00]: With some grace and take responsibility and heal our own shit. So let's get into it

[00:02:56] [SPEAKER_00]: Suzy my girl welcome to FML talk. How are you? I'm so good. So happy to be on your podcast

[00:03:03] [SPEAKER_00]: I'm so happy to have you here. I

[00:03:06] [SPEAKER_00]: Obviously am a reality TV fan

[00:03:09] [SPEAKER_00]: So I watched your season for over ago on the bachelor

[00:03:12] [SPEAKER_00]: but I just think that you're this little bright light that's coming through this life and

[00:03:18] [SPEAKER_00]: It's been a pleasure to watch your journey

[00:03:20] [SPEAKER_00]: So I'm excited to dig into what you've been up to now and just the wild road that

[00:03:26] [SPEAKER_00]: Reality TV has taken you on. So can you tell everybody before you decided to?

[00:03:32] [SPEAKER_00]: Look for love on TV what your life was like before that and what brought you to that decision

[00:03:37] [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, I feel like I was all over the map before reality TV and it's only gotten crazier since and I feel like my

[00:03:44] [SPEAKER_02]: dating life before reality TV was so weird because I

[00:03:49] [SPEAKER_02]: Dated throughout college, but in high school, I never dated I literally didn't have my first kiss to college

[00:03:53] [SPEAKER_02]: It was so shy and then moved to Japan right after the college. So from like 22 to 25

[00:04:00] [SPEAKER_02]: I was in a foreign country dating was weird, right? The language barrier was crazy

[00:04:05] [SPEAKER_02]: I feel like I didn't really date from like 22 to 25

[00:04:09] [SPEAKER_02]: it went on a few dates, but like didn't have a boyfriend and then

[00:04:13] [SPEAKER_02]: got a boyfriend when I came home and

[00:04:14] [SPEAKER_02]: Then we broke up and then COVID hit and so I didn't and I didn't date for a whole year because I was staying

[00:04:20] [SPEAKER_02]: With my parents with a sick family member and I was like, it's so weird man

[00:04:23] [SPEAKER_02]: Look back on my 20s. I'm like, I really have either like been in a relationship or super single and isolated and

[00:04:31] [SPEAKER_02]: Then right before going on the show. I was living in Virginia Beach

[00:04:35] [SPEAKER_02]: I was kind of in like a little kovat bubble

[00:04:37] [SPEAKER_02]: With some friends before the vaccine came out and then quit my corporate job started a videography business

[00:04:43] [SPEAKER_02]: Was living my best life like it was just so joyous right before the show cuz I was like in a beach town

[00:04:48] [SPEAKER_02]: I could walk to the ocean front from where I lived. I was like dating and living just like a fun lifestyle

[00:04:55] [SPEAKER_02]: I was a waitress and I was a videographer

[00:04:57] [SPEAKER_02]: So I was just like doing gigs and it was just such a fun time in my life and I was like older

[00:05:02] [SPEAKER_02]: I mean not older but I was like starting over at

[00:05:06] [SPEAKER_02]: 27 28 so it was like oh wait

[00:05:08] [SPEAKER_02]: Some of my youth that I didn't necessarily have when I was like 22 23

[00:05:13] [SPEAKER_02]: so yeah

[00:05:14] [SPEAKER_02]: I was just in a really fun time in my life right before going on the show and what put me on the show

[00:05:19] [SPEAKER_02]: Was a guy I was dating

[00:05:22] [SPEAKER_02]: was cheating on me and I

[00:05:25] [SPEAKER_02]: Turned away. The show was like I'm dating this guy and I really like him, you know, my life's really happy

[00:05:30] [SPEAKER_02]: I don't know that I want to disrupt this and then got cheated on

[00:05:33] [SPEAKER_02]: Called up the producer or the casting director was like never mind, please bring me on and

[00:05:39] [SPEAKER_02]: Packed my things up and like a month and a half later. I was on the show. Oh my god, that's wild. Okay crazy

[00:05:46] [SPEAKER_00]: How can I ask how you found out that he was cheating on you because so many of my listeners obviously

[00:05:53] [SPEAKER_00]: Have been cheated on have gone through that scenario and situation

[00:05:56] [SPEAKER_00]: Was it like super lame? Like you just caught him like texting someone like what went down?

[00:06:02] [SPEAKER_02]: I was foolish and I dated this guy knowing he was trouble and

[00:06:08] [SPEAKER_02]: Because we were kind of in a cove it bubble at the time

[00:06:11] [SPEAKER_02]: I wasn't really from like January until the I got the vaccine in April or whatever

[00:06:16] [SPEAKER_02]: I was like the first in line. I was like shoot me up. I want to be social and

[00:06:21] [SPEAKER_02]: I was kind of in this little cove it bubble and I was seeing this guy

[00:06:25] [SPEAKER_02]: I knew he was trouble and I didn't think highly of his character

[00:06:28] [SPEAKER_02]: But we had a great friendship like he was very fun

[00:06:31] [SPEAKER_02]: We had a lot of like similar humor points. Like you're just a very fun

[00:06:35] [SPEAKER_02]: lively person and

[00:06:38] [SPEAKER_02]: I knew I was kind of like a rebound like I was like four it was four months after he had been in this relationship

[00:06:44] [SPEAKER_02]: That had broken off. I kind of there were like these little things that would happen like it had his ex blocked

[00:06:49] [SPEAKER_02]: But then it would be like, oh well, she texted me this and I'm like, I thought your ex was blocked

[00:06:52] [SPEAKER_02]: Like why are you getting texts from her? Like they were signs. I was a dingus and

[00:06:58] [SPEAKER_02]: Didn't pay attention to the science and definitely

[00:07:02] [SPEAKER_02]: Overlooked things and felt stuck because I just moved to Virginia Beach

[00:07:05] [SPEAKER_02]: So I didn't know that many people and this girl reached out to me the girl that he was cheating on me with

[00:07:10] [SPEAKER_02]: It was it was his ex and she was like what the hell like why are you?

[00:07:15] [SPEAKER_02]: Like, you know that we're trying to work things out. Why are you interfering with this?

[00:07:18] [SPEAKER_02]: And I was like, whoa. Whoa. Whoa. I had no idea that you guys were working things out

[00:07:22] [SPEAKER_02]: Like this is a different tune than what he's singing to me

[00:07:25] [SPEAKER_02]: So I called him out and he's like she's lying. That's absolutely not the truth. Here's the proof

[00:07:31] [SPEAKER_02]: So I'm being told two different stories

[00:07:34] [SPEAKER_02]: So I back out of everything and I'm like, I'm not gonna be involved with any of this

[00:07:37] [SPEAKER_02]: I don't want to be in the middle of this

[00:07:39] [SPEAKER_02]: So for a couple weeks, we don't date or whatever and see each other like that

[00:07:44] [SPEAKER_02]: Then I fall back into the trap. We start dating like for real and then

[00:07:49] [SPEAKER_02]: Months go by and I get a text or a DM from her again and she's like, hey

[00:07:53] [SPEAKER_02]: I feel guilty about this, but I didn't really care at the moment

[00:07:57] [SPEAKER_02]: But I feel bad now and I want to tell you like I've been sleeping with him and here are the dates here

[00:08:03] [SPEAKER_02]: The times the locations she's like it's nothing serious. We're never gonna be anything again

[00:08:08] [SPEAKER_02]: She's like honestly, I just wanted some good sex and just wanting kind of I guess probably like get a little revenge

[00:08:14] [SPEAKER_02]: I don't know. Right so she was sleeping with him. He was you know, obviously lying to me

[00:08:20] [SPEAKER_02]: So he again tried to lie and manipulate his way out of the situation

[00:08:24] [SPEAKER_02]: Like told me that this girl's crazy that he would never do that to me like and it was so it's so crazy

[00:08:30] [SPEAKER_02]: Like I couldn't believe I was like the fact that this man can sit here to my face like sobbing

[00:08:35] [SPEAKER_02]: like why don't you believe me all that right and

[00:08:39] [SPEAKER_02]: Just to my face just straight up lie and be like full on in a relationship and be sleeping with somebody else

[00:08:45] [SPEAKER_02]: It blew my mind I was just like how like how can you do that to somebody that you care about but I made him

[00:08:51] [SPEAKER_02]: Give me his phone location services

[00:08:54] [SPEAKER_02]: Tracks where you go and the dates and the times lined up with what she sent me and I was like

[00:09:00] [SPEAKER_02]: I'm good on this so and I'm going on The Bachelor

[00:09:05] [SPEAKER_00]: Exactly, I

[00:09:08] [SPEAKER_00]: So understand like the when you say like how can people just sit across from you and sobbing and so committed to

[00:09:15] [SPEAKER_00]: The lie that they're in yeah

[00:09:17] [SPEAKER_00]: And I hear it so often like so many times people are like I'm gonna double down on this and then I'm gonna cry and

[00:09:24] [SPEAKER_00]: Make you feel like oh my god

[00:09:26] [SPEAKER_00]: Look how sad this person is like they must really be going through it

[00:09:29] [SPEAKER_00]: It's scary when you experience that in life and you've been on the receiving end of that which obviously you have I have

[00:09:37] [SPEAKER_00]: It's scary. I remember I had an interview with someone back on season one who was in the public eye and was very

[00:09:45] [SPEAKER_00]: Open about his cheating and his road to recovery and blah blah blah

[00:09:49] [SPEAKER_00]: And I left that interview being like wow this guy's really done the work

[00:09:53] [SPEAKER_00]: And he's like on top of his shit, and this is like really awesome

[00:09:56] [SPEAKER_00]: And then come to find out he was like still cheating and then that news broke and like I was like oh my god

[00:10:03] [SPEAKER_00]: I've been through all of the shit and yet

[00:10:05] [SPEAKER_00]: I still sat across from someone and was totally fucking fooled by it

[00:10:09] [SPEAKER_00]: It's like terrifying like there's no terrifying unless the motherfuckers hooked up to a lie detector test

[00:10:15] [SPEAKER_00]: It's like you really just never know you just choose if you're gonna throw and like gamble and roll the dice and trust the

[00:10:20] [SPEAKER_00]: Person or you live your life guarded as fuck which is no way to walk around and no way to like

[00:10:26] [SPEAKER_00]: Welcome love and happiness into your life

[00:10:29] [SPEAKER_00]: So I get why people are like this is fucking brutal

[00:10:32] [SPEAKER_00]: When once they've been through it like and the guards go up and you're like, okay, who am I going to trust?

[00:10:40] [SPEAKER_02]: Totally it blows my mind. I'm like working with a really great therapist right now and we're

[00:10:44] [SPEAKER_02]: Digging deep into some my relationships and when I think about that timeframe where I'm like I was like

[00:10:52] [SPEAKER_02]: so oblivious to the fact that this man was

[00:10:56] [SPEAKER_02]: Fully like going and having sex with somebody in a parking lot in a car and then leaving my house

[00:11:02] [SPEAKER_02]: Going and doing that coming back to my house as if nothing happened

[00:11:07] [SPEAKER_02]: It just is so

[00:11:09] [SPEAKER_02]: You just feel so like

[00:11:12] [SPEAKER_02]: Someone pulled one over on you. Yeah, and you do become so cautious

[00:11:16] [SPEAKER_02]: Like you become so cautious of people because you realize how were they're not obviously there were signs of like his character

[00:11:22] [SPEAKER_02]: But there weren't signs of what he was doing behind my back and that is just it really just makes you question

[00:11:29] [SPEAKER_02]: So much about your judgment or your kid like your own ability to judge character

[00:11:34] [SPEAKER_02]: It is like the most terrifying thing

[00:11:36] [SPEAKER_02]: You don't want to live your life like that and you can't live your life like that

[00:11:40] [SPEAKER_02]: I think you also have to find partners that when you have that wound

[00:11:44] [SPEAKER_02]: Understand that and like allow you to communicate and it's like hey, I might need a little extra

[00:11:49] [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, like comforting here. I might need a little extra security

[00:11:52] [SPEAKER_02]: And if I am feeling uncomfortable by something I'm gonna vocalize that but I need you to be able to receive that and know

[00:11:58] [SPEAKER_00]: That it's not an accusation but just a wound that I'm feeling

[00:12:02] [SPEAKER_00]: 100% that is so well said if you have any type of I mean, I guess people some people would call it baggage

[00:12:08] [SPEAKER_00]: but it's really just like

[00:12:10] [SPEAKER_00]: Wounds that you're right that you're carrying from previous relationships. You're like, yo

[00:12:14] [SPEAKER_00]: This is an ouch spot for me

[00:12:16] [SPEAKER_00]: And if this comes up, I have to be able to talk to you about it

[00:12:18] [SPEAKER_00]: You can't poke and prod at that ouch spot

[00:12:21] [SPEAKER_00]: You have to take care of it and help me out

[00:12:23] [SPEAKER_00]: and I think the only way to do that is open communication and being able to put all your cards on the

[00:12:28] [SPEAKER_00]: A lot of people don't want to do that because that opens you up to get hurt again

[00:12:39] [SPEAKER_00]: After you experience that how has that experience like played a role in future relationships that you've gone into has it made you more

[00:12:48] [SPEAKER_00]: Guarded are you like I don't even fuck them on a date anymore

[00:12:51] [SPEAKER_00]: Like how is that played a role in your relationships?

[00:12:56] [SPEAKER_02]: So I had actually been cheated on one other time the very first guy ever dated in college

[00:13:00] [SPEAKER_02]: It was even it was like ten times worse than this one because this one was kind of short-lived

[00:13:04] [SPEAKER_02]: It was like a six-month dating thing. The other one was like a two-year dated cheated manipulated lied to over two years

[00:13:11] [SPEAKER_02]: It was like so horrible and I would say the first one

[00:13:16] [SPEAKER_02]: Affected every person that came after it and I don't think it ever prevented me from having healthy relationships

[00:13:21] [SPEAKER_02]: I think I had some really great guys that I dated that

[00:13:25] [SPEAKER_02]: protected that wound and

[00:13:27] [SPEAKER_02]: Made me feel secure. There's guys that I look back on

[00:13:29] [SPEAKER_02]: Without a doubt I feel so confident to this day that I could say there was never any cheating

[00:13:34] [SPEAKER_02]: There was I mean, I think people can be unloyal and still not cheat

[00:13:37] [SPEAKER_02]: but I'm like I look back and I'm like, I think these people were loyal and

[00:13:41] [SPEAKER_02]: Consider it good partners

[00:13:42] [SPEAKER_02]: But I did have like a zero tolerance and I still do for lying

[00:13:47] [SPEAKER_02]: Like if I catch someone lying even once I will break up with you on the spot

[00:13:54] [SPEAKER_02]: Even a serious relationship because I'm just under the belief unless you're like planning a surprise birthday party and unfortunately

[00:14:00] [SPEAKER_02]: If I catch you and I catch you and I have to make call you out and you have to tell me that

[00:14:04] [SPEAKER_02]: You're planning a surprise party. I'm so sorry. That's my bad. Like that's my trauma acting up

[00:14:08] [SPEAKER_02]: Like that's on me, but other than something like that there is zero

[00:14:13] [SPEAKER_02]: Reason to lie about your whereabouts

[00:14:16] [SPEAKER_02]: communication with people

[00:14:18] [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah

[00:14:18] [SPEAKER_02]: Any type of information like that and I really think it's protected me and

[00:14:24] [SPEAKER_02]: This foolish boy that I dated right before going on the show

[00:14:27] [SPEAKER_02]: I try to give myself grace because I knew better and as it was happening, I was thinking this guy does not have strong character

[00:14:33] [SPEAKER_02]: I never really saw like a strong future with them

[00:14:37] [SPEAKER_02]: But I kind of let myself fall in love and I never said I love this guy

[00:14:40] [SPEAKER_02]: But like I've kind of let myself fall into love with this person

[00:14:44] [SPEAKER_02]: Despite knowing he wasn't good for me

[00:14:46] [SPEAKER_02]: Right

[00:14:47] [SPEAKER_02]: and that was like the one other time that's happened in my life where I've like actively gotten into something being like

[00:14:52] [SPEAKER_02]: This person might wreck my life

[00:14:53] [SPEAKER_02]: I think overall it's mostly protected me and I've become hyper aware of it and I always communicate it like every relationship

[00:14:59] [SPEAKER_02]: I've been in upfront. I'm like zero tolerance for lying if there's a lie, I will cut you out of my life and

[00:15:06] [SPEAKER_02]: Never look back

[00:15:07] [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah

[00:15:08] [SPEAKER_02]: But I also think it's a little bit intense

[00:15:11] [SPEAKER_02]: Like I think that some people are like, oh shit like

[00:15:14] [SPEAKER_02]: You are not messing around and I'm not that's the thing is I'm like, yeah, I will cut people out so fast

[00:15:21] [SPEAKER_02]: I just don't believe that there's any reason or room for lying in relationships

[00:15:26] [SPEAKER_02]: So I think it's protected me but I also know that it's kind of intense and I'm very upfront about it

[00:15:31] [SPEAKER_00]: Well, the fact that it's intense is ridiculous almost because you're just asking someone to be a good person like oh god

[00:15:36] [SPEAKER_00]: What now and this might be too much for me

[00:15:40] [SPEAKER_00]: I actually have to just be a good human and like be honest god fucking forbid

[00:15:43] [SPEAKER_00]: So I think that's like I think it's great that you're upfront about it and it's like look there's a zero tolerance policy

[00:15:50] [SPEAKER_00]: Period period if you have a history of that, I'm probably not the one for you. Let's not waste each other's time

[00:15:56] [SPEAKER_00]: I think that's yeah

[00:15:57] [SPEAKER_00]: If everybody was so like directing clean cut like that

[00:16:00] [SPEAKER_00]: We would probably be able to like get in and out of the right relationships quicker

[00:16:05] [SPEAKER_02]: I know and I've gotten better as I've gotten older like they just last they're like shorter and shorter, you know

[00:16:10] [SPEAKER_02]: Like yeah two months three months here. Right? You're like, oh, yeah, it's just then it's not gonna work

[00:16:15] [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, yeah, and that's okay. Mm-hmm

[00:16:17] [SPEAKER_00]: So when you went on The Bachelor tell me in a nutshell what that experience was like for you

[00:16:26] [SPEAKER_00]: Not what we see on TV because obviously reality TV is so different than how we end up watching it as viewers

[00:16:32] [SPEAKER_00]: But what was that experience like for you on your journey of finding a person to share your life with did it?

[00:16:41] [SPEAKER_00]: Do that for you. Did it like push you towards that? Did it push you away?

[00:16:46] [SPEAKER_00]: Did you leave with like more fucked up shit than you started with?

[00:16:50] [SPEAKER_02]: Definitely, I would say like all of the above I think so

[00:16:55] [SPEAKER_02]: I'm gonna have Clayton the guy that was The Bachelor him on my podcast to share one of his stories

[00:17:01] [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, so we already recorded it and on the podcast it just happened to come up where

[00:17:07] [SPEAKER_02]: He asked me a question similar to this and he was like, do you feel we both kind of asked you

[00:17:11] [SPEAKER_02]: Like do you feel better having gone on the show?

[00:17:14] [SPEAKER_02]: Like what is the overall consensus and I was like, you know what?

[00:17:18] [SPEAKER_02]: It didn't lead me to my person necessarily and I don't know yet because I haven't found that person but

[00:17:24] [SPEAKER_02]: It didn't you know create a love story that is for the rest of my life

[00:17:28] [SPEAKER_02]: But it didn't challenge me and it did I think overall make me a better person like, you know

[00:17:36] [SPEAKER_02]: Three years removed now maybe four at this point. It was really fucking hard at times

[00:17:42] [SPEAKER_02]: it was really hard and

[00:17:44] [SPEAKER_02]: I was really sad and really dark and really low a lot of times in the last few years that I don't

[00:17:51] [SPEAKER_02]: Really share about publicly but I do think someday

[00:17:53] [SPEAKER_02]: I probably will because

[00:17:54] [SPEAKER_02]: It doesn't make sense and for me to

[00:17:57] [SPEAKER_02]: Share that publicly like it's only gonna bring more criticism and more pain from the online community

[00:18:01] [SPEAKER_02]: Of course, there's gonna be support too. But while I'm still navigating and figuring those parts of me out

[00:18:07] [SPEAKER_02]: it's a personal private journey right and

[00:18:11] [SPEAKER_02]: Right now where I'm at I look back and reflect at the really dark stuff and look at how far I've come and look

[00:18:17] [SPEAKER_02]: at like

[00:18:19] [SPEAKER_02]: How that

[00:18:20] [SPEAKER_02]: Trauma or that wound or whatever it was like has actually created a really strong

[00:18:24] [SPEAKER_02]: Callous for me and like that is a really beautiful part of myself that I really love now

[00:18:30] [SPEAKER_02]: And I think it's gonna make me a better person

[00:18:32] [SPEAKER_02]: For when I do find the right person for myself, it's gonna make me a better partner

[00:18:36] [SPEAKER_02]: It's elevated my life in so many ways not just like in my career

[00:18:40] [SPEAKER_02]: which it has but also like in my relationships like it's forced me to look at the bad stuff in myself and

[00:18:45] [SPEAKER_02]: Force me into like some pretty intense therapy that is doing wonders for me where I'm like, oh my gosh

[00:18:50] [SPEAKER_02]: Like this is gonna help me with my you know, my family relationships, which are already great

[00:18:55] [SPEAKER_02]: but it's gonna help me be a better sister be a better daughter and

[00:18:58] [SPEAKER_02]: Be a better friend and be more intentional like at the end of the day. Yes. It was a beautiful

[00:19:05] [SPEAKER_02]: Incredible experience. I had so much fun

[00:19:07] [SPEAKER_02]: Like while I was there I was laughing until I would cry or pee my pants like on

[00:19:11] [SPEAKER_02]: The frequent and it was the most just exciting adventure of my life, but it was fucking hard

[00:19:17] [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah

[00:19:18] [SPEAKER_02]: And watching it back and to this day getting horrible mean DMs from people that are just now watching it or just now deciding

[00:19:25] [SPEAKER_02]: To come to my page and say something mean to me or whatever it is. It's hard, but it makes you

[00:19:31] [SPEAKER_02]: Ultimately if you lean in and you look at yourself and you think through these things that like really I think it's really making

[00:19:38] [SPEAKER_02]: Me a better person and for that I'm like what a cool

[00:19:41] [SPEAKER_02]: Unique thing that has shaped me in a really wonderful way. Yeah. Yeah, that was so well said

[00:19:48] [SPEAKER_00]: first of all people are fucking wild that they have

[00:19:51] [SPEAKER_00]: The audacity to just be like this random person on this TV show that I'm watching

[00:19:56] [SPEAKER_00]: I'm gonna go to her page and write this really fucked up mean message. I've never understood

[00:20:00] [SPEAKER_00]: It's the same with trolls on tik-tok

[00:20:02] [SPEAKER_00]: Like maybe it's just not part of my DNA or who I am

[00:20:06] [SPEAKER_00]: even when I have those thoughts about like this person's fucking weird or this person's like

[00:20:11] [SPEAKER_00]: Really?

[00:20:12] [SPEAKER_00]: I go like I'm not gonna stop and comment be like hey, just so you know, you're a piece of shit like what?

[00:20:19] [SPEAKER_00]: I've just never understood what kind of like people were raised to act like that. So I'm sorry that you still experience

[00:20:26] [SPEAKER_00]: That's wild to me. I can't remember

[00:20:28] [SPEAKER_00]: I mean, I I know that I was invested and watched when it was on but I can't I know that like some crazy

[00:20:34] [SPEAKER_00]: Shit happened with you and Clayton. Yeah, but I mean obviously you guys can sit down and have a conversation now

[00:20:39] [SPEAKER_00]: So there's been feeling when you were on that journey with him

[00:20:44] [SPEAKER_00]: Were the feelings that you were experiencing super real or now that you're removed from it?

[00:20:50] [SPEAKER_00]: Are you like, oh it's because it was in such a heightened state

[00:20:53] [SPEAKER_00]: Or do you feel like you really like fell for this person like in that short amount of time?

[00:20:58] [SPEAKER_02]: I think it's a mixture of both because going through everything and through my hometown date

[00:21:04] [SPEAKER_02]: It was like magical. I guess you would say and yeah, I did feel pressure

[00:21:09] [SPEAKER_02]: To let it get there like there was definitely pressure from producers like every single day

[00:21:13] [SPEAKER_02]: They're asking. Oh, do you feel like you're in love?

[00:21:15] [SPEAKER_02]: Does this feel like love to you?

[00:21:16] [SPEAKER_02]: Like they're constantly wanting you to be in that state of mind

[00:21:20] [SPEAKER_02]: and I think as like a very hyper aware person of like I'm always aware of people's emotions and

[00:21:26] [SPEAKER_02]: people's

[00:21:27] [SPEAKER_02]: Experiences and so being around that I'm like wait

[00:21:30] [SPEAKER_02]: I'm like noticing what y'all are doing so I was aware of it

[00:21:33] [SPEAKER_02]: But I also

[00:21:35] [SPEAKER_02]: Was like open to it and so leading up to everything like going into my hometown date my hometown date being

[00:21:40] [SPEAKER_02]: So magical and perfect. My family loved him. He loved my family and

[00:21:45] [SPEAKER_02]: Then it was literally like a week and a half that I didn't see him

[00:21:49] [SPEAKER_02]: It was like crazy like I went back to LA he did the other three home pounds

[00:21:52] [SPEAKER_02]: they'd apply to different places in the country and

[00:21:55] [SPEAKER_02]: then we flew to Iceland and

[00:21:57] [SPEAKER_02]: There was like, you know time to recover and recoup there and then it's like the other two girls had their dates

[00:22:02] [SPEAKER_02]: So it was like a week or something and or week and a half in between the last time seeing him in

[00:22:08] [SPEAKER_02]: My fantasy sweet date night

[00:22:10] [SPEAKER_02]: so by that time it was a week and a half and I remember thinking I just feel like

[00:22:15] [SPEAKER_02]: This is probably not gonna be me. Like I was like, it's just it's been so long

[00:22:19] [SPEAKER_02]: I haven't heard from him not that you can like you can't text me or call me

[00:22:22] [SPEAKER_02]: but those emotions and that like heightened state and the consistent building was just kind of like

[00:22:29] [SPEAKER_02]: Radio silence for a week and a half and then yeah, I just like didn't think it was me

[00:22:34] [SPEAKER_02]: I don't know if that makes sense. I just was like, I don't know

[00:22:36] [SPEAKER_02]: I just didn't think it was me and I just kind of got out of that state of mind

[00:22:41] [SPEAKER_02]: This pretty much as quickly as I got into it. So looking back, I think it's probably a mixture of everything

[00:22:47] [SPEAKER_02]: I definitely felt those feelings, but I also think yeah, it was it was probably

[00:22:53] [SPEAKER_00]: Inflated just by being there. Yeah, I'm sure well

[00:22:56] [SPEAKER_00]: I think that's great that you're able to like have him on your podcast now and like

[00:23:01] [SPEAKER_00]: And look back and talk about all the things it just shows that there are real moments within

[00:23:07] [SPEAKER_00]: the crazy world that is

[00:23:10] [SPEAKER_00]: What reality TV has become but let's talk about what's going on currently with you if that's okay

[00:23:24] [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, you're going through a breakup just went through a breakup and it's in the public eye, which is always

[00:23:34] [SPEAKER_00]: Not fun and not normal. So talk to me a little bit about

[00:23:38] [SPEAKER_00]: How you've been trying to navigate this is it different than you would handle like a normal breakup?

[00:23:45] [SPEAKER_00]: Like how are you trying to kind of like work your way through everything? Yeah, it's definitely been

[00:23:50] [SPEAKER_02]: complicated and having gone through one public breakup before and

[00:23:56] [SPEAKER_02]: Feeling like the things that I said during that time to this day get regurgitated and twisted

[00:24:04] [SPEAKER_02]: It's painful for myself. It's painful for that other person and looking back

[00:24:08] [SPEAKER_02]: I'm like, I just wish I didn't say anything right? I wish that there was like zero

[00:24:13] [SPEAKER_02]: comment on anything because people take things and run with it and it's it's not fair to myself or the other person and

[00:24:19] [SPEAKER_02]: so this breakup is definitely different because

[00:24:23] [SPEAKER_02]: It's just been really painful for me and for the other I mean the first one was too, but yeah, it's been so

[00:24:30] [SPEAKER_02]: Sad like it's me and this person love each other so much and

[00:24:37] [SPEAKER_02]: We've really tried to like create distance from each other for ourselves for the same way you would in a relationship

[00:24:43] [SPEAKER_02]: That's not public where you're like, okay. We love each other, but maybe we're not good for each other

[00:24:49] [SPEAKER_02]: Let's not talk. Let's create

[00:24:51] [SPEAKER_02]: boundaries so that we can heal from this and move forward or

[00:24:55] [SPEAKER_02]: Realize that we do want to work things out

[00:24:57] [SPEAKER_02]: Same thing you would do in a normal relationship, but now with everyone watching which I understand we made our relationship public

[00:25:04] [SPEAKER_02]: but we basically agreed okay, we're not gonna go on podcasts and talk about this or

[00:25:09] [SPEAKER_02]: You know, we're not going to make a big statement online

[00:25:12] [SPEAKER_02]: But I did get caught at like a red carpet and I thought it was just like a red carpet for pictures

[00:25:17] [SPEAKER_02]: And then there's people they're asking questions and I was answering questions. I had nothing to do with my relationship and then

[00:25:23] [SPEAKER_02]: Answered a question about my relationship and just tried to avoid the question and I think so many people like hyper analyzed even that

[00:25:30] [SPEAKER_02]: I just was trying to like dodge the question because I was like I haven't talked to this person

[00:25:33] [SPEAKER_02]: We haven't discussed how we want to discuss this publicly

[00:25:37] [SPEAKER_02]: And you're caught off guard and so you're like

[00:25:39] [SPEAKER_02]: How can I have a roundabout way of saying a whole lot of nothing?

[00:25:43] [SPEAKER_02]: Right so that I don't like ruffle a bunch of others

[00:25:45] [SPEAKER_02]: I don't really want to make a statement, but you're standing in front of a human being

[00:25:49] [SPEAKER_02]: It's not like, you know, I got tons of emails asking for a statement and I just said no comment

[00:25:53] [SPEAKER_02]: But when somebody is standing in front of you, right?

[00:25:55] [SPEAKER_02]: it's a it's a little bit different and then the internet is like analyzing that and

[00:26:00] [SPEAKER_02]: And a lot of times being mean about it because people will do want an explanation or an answer and it's like okay

[00:26:06] [SPEAKER_02]: But like imagine you going through a breakup and having like hundreds or thousands of people

[00:26:11] [SPEAKER_02]: Messaging you about that person asking for an update. Yeah wanting the tea and it's like, okay

[00:26:16] [SPEAKER_02]: If either of us were to really speak on it right now probably like just be misinterpreted and misunderstood because we're still processing

[00:26:24] [SPEAKER_00]: Right what we're going through, you know, right and even if it was further down the road and you guys had processed and it was like

[00:26:31] [SPEAKER_00]: fully completed and you

[00:26:33] [SPEAKER_00]: Were able to speak on it in that sense. You still don't owe anybody an explanation

[00:26:37] [SPEAKER_00]: Mm-hmm. I think I can't remember what podcast it was but there was like a snippet of it on my tick-tock page

[00:26:44] [SPEAKER_00]: And it was like these two women talking about like how ridiculous it is

[00:26:48] [SPEAKER_00]: When all these influencers will show their whole like pregnancy and like do like let you in on their whole life

[00:26:54] [SPEAKER_00]: But then they're like blocking out their baby's face

[00:26:57] [SPEAKER_00]: Once the baby's born and they were like we want to fucking see the kid were invested like what the fuck like remove

[00:27:02] [SPEAKER_00]: The sticker I am one of those people that they're talking about who

[00:27:07] [SPEAKER_00]: You know showed my whole pregnancy and stuff because all of my followers are really invested in my life with my husband and what

[00:27:13] [SPEAKER_00]: I do and like

[00:27:15] [SPEAKER_00]: Excited for me to like become a mom and I understand all of that. But then when you make the decision to

[00:27:22] [SPEAKER_00]: Protect, you know identity for child here

[00:27:25] [SPEAKER_00]: Whatever the reason is and like some people were like you're not even like on this podcast

[00:27:29] [SPEAKER_00]: They were like you're not even that fucking famous

[00:27:30] [SPEAKER_00]: Like why are you doing that and like it has nothing to do with that

[00:27:33] [SPEAKER_00]: It could be personal experiences like in my case that I've had where like people have crossed boundaries and I was just like absolutely

[00:27:40] [SPEAKER_00]: Whatever the reason is it's like you don't owe people an explanation

[00:27:44] [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, even when you're public like you choose what information goes out and like if you're super vulnerable and open about it

[00:27:51] [SPEAKER_00]: That's great. And that's wonderful

[00:27:52] [SPEAKER_00]: And then there's things that are fucking private that like are nobody's goddamn business and I think people

[00:27:58] [SPEAKER_00]: Especially with social media and how open everything has become and how accessible everything has been become they feel so entitled

[00:28:05] [SPEAKER_00]: To like certain things and it's like I mean what if I was banging on your door in fucking Idaho and was like

[00:28:12] [SPEAKER_00]: Hey open up and tell me all your private shit and give me like the tea on everything. They'd be like, yeah

[00:28:18] [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, let me see your baby. I'm sorry

[00:28:24] [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah

[00:28:26] [SPEAKER_02]: No, it's so true

[00:28:27] [SPEAKER_02]: It's and I try to have compassion because I'm like I do understand like and people do think I guess this whole time

[00:28:34] [SPEAKER_02]: You shared so much about your relationship

[00:28:36] [SPEAKER_02]: you showed so much about your relationship and I'm like

[00:28:38] [SPEAKER_02]: We did but like we just showed you what we wanted you to see like the same way

[00:28:42] [SPEAKER_02]: You watch a show and you're invested in a show

[00:28:45] [SPEAKER_02]: It's like you're only getting like snippets of it. And so I understand that people might think oh you showed us everything

[00:28:50] [SPEAKER_02]: That's like no I didn't like we just showed you

[00:28:53] [SPEAKER_02]: What we wanted to share publicly the same thing, you know talking about I haven't really shared a lot about

[00:28:59] [SPEAKER_02]: I mean, I've shared some of my struggles online, but usually it's after I process them

[00:29:03] [SPEAKER_02]: It's after I know how to verbalize it

[00:29:06] [SPEAKER_02]: But like I'm sure if you go to my Instagram feed my life looks perfect

[00:29:11] [SPEAKER_02]: It looks like there's nothing to be sad about

[00:29:13] [SPEAKER_00]: There's welcome to every fucking social media account like that. It's a highlight reel of what you want people to do exactly

[00:29:20] [SPEAKER_02]: And I understand that some people are like well, we want the real we want this and that and it's like I know

[00:29:25] [SPEAKER_02]: but like when you give the real you also it's really vulnerable and

[00:29:30] [SPEAKER_02]: When you don't give the real you're already opening yourself up to criticism and pain and people DMing you and saying stuff that you don't want to hear

[00:29:38] [SPEAKER_02]: So when you show your vulnerable side and you actually show up and you show your pain or your struggles or whatever

[00:29:44] [SPEAKER_02]: You're giving the same people that are negative

[00:29:47] [SPEAKER_02]: You're you're giving them ammo to use against you and if you haven't processed it or gone through it or feel secure in it

[00:29:53] [SPEAKER_02]: Or whatever like you're basically giving these trolls ammo to hurt you

[00:29:57] [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, it's really hard to navigate and I know there's not like a great answer other than like just trying to

[00:30:04] [SPEAKER_02]: Just take it day by day and be like, okay, like I don't know. It's really complicated. It's so hard

[00:30:09] [SPEAKER_02]: There's there's no rule book for this. We're all new to this day and age of public relationships and social media and all that stuff

[00:30:16] [SPEAKER_02]: It's also new that there's no written etiquette or standard of how you handle this stuff. Yeah

[00:30:22] [SPEAKER_00]: What is your advice for how you handle breakups?

[00:30:27] [SPEAKER_00]: Like what are you doing to prioritize your mental health right now as you like try and navigate all of this

[00:30:33] [SPEAKER_02]: So being in therapy with a great therapist that I trust has been really good

[00:30:38] [SPEAKER_02]: Because I think I've you know, actually talking with you on the podcast we did for live laugh lies

[00:30:43] [SPEAKER_02]: You said something that really stuck with me

[00:30:46] [SPEAKER_02]: That was like people need to look at themselves like you can say all you want. I'm dating the same guy

[00:30:52] [SPEAKER_02]: I keep dating this same person or guys keep doing this thing to me

[00:30:56] [SPEAKER_02]: But like what are you contributing to that?

[00:31:00] [SPEAKER_02]: Like have you healed what it is within you that is attracting that or interested in that?

[00:31:04] [SPEAKER_02]: Like what are you seeking out by dating these guys that are treating you the way that you don't want to be treated

[00:31:10] [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, and I think that there is a part of me that previously in my life

[00:31:14] [SPEAKER_02]: even though I haven't dated like that many people I did kind of externalize and be like

[00:31:19] [SPEAKER_02]: This isn't fair or this has happened to me and to an extent

[00:31:24] [SPEAKER_02]: Yes, like people should be better sometimes

[00:31:27] [SPEAKER_02]: but also

[00:31:30] [SPEAKER_02]: I'm contributing to that and need to like work on the things that I need to heal so that I can truly seek out

[00:31:36] [SPEAKER_02]: be attracted to want to be with the partner that is going to

[00:31:42] [SPEAKER_02]: Show up how I need them to show up

[00:31:44] [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, and I that starts with like the inner healing and that inner work

[00:31:48] [SPEAKER_02]: And so I think

[00:31:49] [SPEAKER_02]: If you can't afford therapy because I understand it's like it is literally such a luxury if you don't have insurance that can cover it

[00:31:56] [SPEAKER_02]: And if you can't afford out of pocket, it's like I don't know. It's just so crappy

[00:31:59] [SPEAKER_02]: I don't know. Maybe there's a way we can show like in the show notes share resources

[00:32:02] [SPEAKER_02]: But i'm like there's so many journal prompts online

[00:32:05] [SPEAKER_02]: There's so many resources online where I think getting a journal and just like intentionally going through like the lessons you've learned

[00:32:12] [SPEAKER_02]: from past relationships

[00:32:14] [SPEAKER_02]: Looking from your childhood things that affected you and think through like how those things contribute to

[00:32:20] [SPEAKER_02]: Your life now and what you look for in partners

[00:32:23] [SPEAKER_02]: Like there's a lot of things that you can find like there's a lot of resources online that you can find that will help

[00:32:27] [SPEAKER_02]: You but that's really what i've been doing is just like taking a dating pause

[00:32:31] [SPEAKER_02]: And just pouring into myself and I know that's like such a luxury

[00:32:36] [SPEAKER_02]: Unfortunately, because I don't think I could afford this luxury a couple years ago

[00:32:40] [SPEAKER_02]: Like I was very very poor and didn't have good insurance and couldn't afford therapy

[00:32:43] [SPEAKER_02]: At different times in my life. So to be able to have it right now and be with somebody that's really amazing

[00:32:49] [SPEAKER_02]: That's how i've been able to like prioritize myself

[00:32:52] [SPEAKER_02]: And I feel like the confidence and the self-worth growing within me is like so powerful that i'm just

[00:32:58] [SPEAKER_02]: Like I just already know i'm like i'm on the right track to where I want to be and to finding the person

[00:33:03] [SPEAKER_02]: Eventually, and i'm not even out looking for i'm actually avoiding it right now. I'm trying to just focus on myself

[00:33:08] [SPEAKER_00]: You know, yeah

[00:33:09] [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, and be careful because when you're not looking for them

[00:33:12] [SPEAKER_00]: That's when they pop up and they're like, oh hey

[00:33:16] [SPEAKER_00]: So true

[00:33:17] [SPEAKER_00]: Okay, talk to me a little bit about the podcast. That's like very exciting

[00:33:22] [SPEAKER_00]: I was honored to come do an episode with you and it's just I love the whole concept of it

[00:33:29] [SPEAKER_00]: But tell everybody a little bit about it

[00:33:30] [SPEAKER_02]: Thank you. It's called live laugh lies and I think it's gonna be really fun. It's evolving and

[00:33:36] [SPEAKER_02]: And

[00:33:38] [SPEAKER_02]: Just becoming its own thing as we start to film it and we've kind of found like these

[00:33:43] [SPEAKER_02]: Nuances and patterns and we're trying to kind of pair things

[00:33:46] [SPEAKER_02]: In a way that will be not chronological, but will make sense as people listen to it

[00:33:50] [SPEAKER_02]: So, you know

[00:33:51] [SPEAKER_02]: We're kind of doing like a couple of episodes on liars and cheaters and then we're going to have a specialist on to analyze

[00:33:57] [SPEAKER_02]: lying and cheating manipulation

[00:33:59] [SPEAKER_02]: we're gonna do a segment on

[00:34:04] [SPEAKER_02]: Like cults and the lifestyle that kind of aligns with that and then we're gonna have an expert on to kind of analyze that

[00:34:09] [SPEAKER_02]: I love that. Yeah, so it's like so much more than just like lying and cheating in relationships

[00:34:15] [SPEAKER_02]: Which I feel like is kind of what it seems like right now

[00:34:19] [SPEAKER_02]: which is kind of how it started out is just this idea of like oh so many of us have been lied to

[00:34:24] [SPEAKER_02]: cheated on and it's interesting to dissect those stories and there's going to be a lot of that but there's also going

[00:34:30] [SPEAKER_02]: To be like, you know family

[00:34:32] [SPEAKER_02]: Relationship lies issues scandals. So it's really just like becoming its own thing

[00:34:38] [SPEAKER_02]: I think it's gonna be it's like everyone loves a juicy story. That's how I feel

[00:34:42] [SPEAKER_02]: Juicy story

[00:34:44] [SPEAKER_02]: I love a juicy story. So there's going to be

[00:34:46] [SPEAKER_02]: No shortage of juicy stories and it's just it's really becoming its own thing

[00:34:51] [SPEAKER_02]: And it's been so fun to be a part of the development process

[00:34:54] [SPEAKER_02]: And we're batching up as many episodes as we can right now

[00:34:57] [SPEAKER_02]: And then we launch we're hoping we just like attract people that have had crazy things happen and we can get more people on

[00:35:03] [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, well I can tell you from the amount of fml stories. I've gotten submitted to this show. There is no shortage of

[00:35:09] [SPEAKER_00]: People that are like, oh, yeah, i've been through some fucked up shit and it's wild

[00:35:13] [SPEAKER_00]: Like I feel like every time I read an fml story on this show

[00:35:16] [SPEAKER_00]: My jaw is on the floor and i'm like, how do they keep getting worse?

[00:35:19] [SPEAKER_02]: Like I was thinking about it this morning and I was like, I wonder if we'll ever run out of stories

[00:35:23] [SPEAKER_02]: and then I was like no, we'll just have to like

[00:35:26] [SPEAKER_02]: Pick up the podcast and go to idaho or kentucky, you know

[00:35:30] [SPEAKER_02]: Maybe you know once we get through all the la stories and like we're just gonna have to take it on the road because

[00:35:36] [SPEAKER_02]: There's just so many crazy people out there doing crazy things. We need to hear all the stories. It's wild

[00:35:41] [SPEAKER_00]: It's wild. We should do a documentary on it one day when you're done with the podcast

[00:35:44] [SPEAKER_00]: You're like here's the documentary on all the fucked up shit that we uncovered

[00:35:49] [SPEAKER_00]: I love it

[00:35:50] [SPEAKER_00]: Suzy, it was so great to connect with you again

[00:35:52] [SPEAKER_00]: Can you tell everybody where they can find you and again the name of the podcast and all the things?

[00:35:57] [SPEAKER_02]: Yes, you can find me at suzy c evans

[00:36:01] [SPEAKER_02]: on instagram suzy was like on tiktok

[00:36:05] [SPEAKER_02]: And then I want to make sure I get the instagram handle right we live laugh wise. I think it's live laugh lies podcast

[00:36:10] [SPEAKER_02]: I'm like, let me make sure okay on instagram. It's live laugh lies podcast. And then yeah, you can find us

[00:36:16] [SPEAKER_02]: starting september 4th

[00:36:19] [SPEAKER_02]: On any where you listen to your podcast. Oh my god

[00:36:21] [SPEAKER_00]: I love that you're launching on september 4th september 4th was the day that I got married to my first husband

[00:36:27] [SPEAKER_00]: It was also the day I left for my eat pray fml trip. So I like celebrate that day

[00:36:33] [SPEAKER_01]: Wait, not me getting chills. Oh my god. It's so exciting

[00:36:37] [SPEAKER_00]: What a perfect date to live good juju for you on that. Love it. I love that. Yay

[00:36:43] [SPEAKER_00]: Awesome. Thank you for having me on. Thank you for being here

[00:36:50] [SPEAKER_00]: I want to thank suzy so much for coming on today. She is such a bright light

[00:36:54] [SPEAKER_00]: And I hope you guys go check out her podcast which you can

[00:36:58] [SPEAKER_00]: Catch a fun episode with me on it's called live laugh lies and it sounds like it's going to be a good one

[00:37:04] [SPEAKER_00]: So I hope you guys enjoyed today. I love you all. I will see you next week. Cheers

[00:37:16] [SPEAKER_00]: All right fmlers

[00:37:18] [SPEAKER_00]: If you don't want to miss an episode make sure to follow on your favorite podcast app

[00:37:22] [SPEAKER_00]: And if you're loving the show drop us a five star rating and leave a review

[00:37:27] [SPEAKER_00]: You can keep up with me on instagram at gabrielle stone or the podcast page at fml talk podcast

[00:37:34] [SPEAKER_00]: For all the merch and books signed personally by me. You can shop the fml line on eat pray fml

[00:37:40] [SPEAKER_00]: Dot com and as always have a fucking self-love cocktail on me. Cheers

[00:37:54] [SPEAKER_00]: This podcast has been brought to you by podcast nation