Baby F%cking Blues in Texas

[00:00:00] .

[00:00:02] You are about to participate in the most ambitious culinary

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[00:00:16] I mean anything.

[00:00:19] The wildest day of your life starts right now.

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[00:00:29] Stream on Max.

[00:00:31] Hello, hello all my beautiful freaking people.

[00:00:34] Welcome back to another episode of FML Talk.

[00:00:38] Today we are going to take you down to Texas y'all and

[00:00:43] explain to you why I never want to travel with a fucking

[00:00:46] baby again.

[00:00:47] So sit back, grab a cocktail and welcome to FML Talk.

[00:00:51] Oh my god.

[00:00:52] Wait how old was the other girl?

[00:00:53] 19.

[00:00:54] You believe that she's a...

[00:00:55] Hey this is Gabrielle Stone.

[00:00:56] I'm not interested in that.

[00:00:57] He did what?

[00:00:58] 48 hours?

[00:00:59] That was thick.

[00:01:00] Yeah but have you seen all the photos on our Instagram?

[00:01:03] And this is FML Talk.

[00:01:06] Oh no she didn't.

[00:01:07] I'm so fucking tired.

[00:01:09] Yeah.

[00:01:10] I'm still so fucking tired.

[00:01:12] Yeah you can hear it in my voice.

[00:01:13] When did we come back from that trip?

[00:01:15] In two weeks.

[00:01:16] I'm so, so tired.

[00:01:18] Well there's a lot of factors.

[00:01:19] No my soul is tired.

[00:01:21] Took a couple years off your life, did it?

[00:01:24] Yeah.

[00:01:25] Yeah.

[00:01:26] I mean it was rough.

[00:01:27] There's so many factors to play into it that you have to kind of set up.

[00:01:31] Yeah okay let's take you guys through the trip so you're not scared to travel with a baby

[00:01:37] because I'm sure it's not as dramatic as I'm making it sound but...

[00:01:41] It isn't.

[00:01:42] Because I was right there.

[00:01:44] I think I was right there on the seat next to you.

[00:01:47] Okay.

[00:01:48] It wasn't as dramatic but again.

[00:01:50] Okay so we went to Texas.

[00:01:51] This was the trip that I was supposed to take with just me and my mom for 48 hours to go

[00:01:56] to do an in-person podcast for Danny Morrell which will be coming out in the next few

[00:02:03] months.

[00:02:04] And I was going to record an episode, my mom was going to record an episode and in

[00:02:08] my brain I was like I'll just go in November.

[00:02:10] Like I'll be able to leave the baby by then and I'll just pump on the...

[00:02:14] What the fuck was I thinking?

[00:02:15] I was not ready to leave in November.

[00:02:17] And lo and behold the week before I was supposed to go on that trip Tay's back one

[00:02:21] out and I was like well I'm not leaving my little baby with my husband when he's

[00:02:25] broken.

[00:02:26] So we did not go, we rescheduled and then I was like oh maybe I can con Tay into

[00:02:33] coming with me and bringing the baby so I don't have to leave the baby and just

[00:02:38] pitch it as like a this will be a really good travel test before we go out of

[00:02:44] the fucking country to Portugal this summer.

[00:02:46] Which is like in two months.

[00:02:48] Yeah which is I'm so tired.

[00:02:50] Right.

[00:02:52] Yeah.

[00:02:53] So anyways I conned them into doing that but it was a really good...

[00:02:57] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[00:02:58] It wasn't that much conning and it's like going down to Austin and it was like

[00:03:01] well you know I was like I was you know it was fun.

[00:03:04] And fun fact the first time my ex-wife and I took my daughter on a trip like

[00:03:11] this was to Austin Texas at the same age.

[00:03:14] That's a fun fact.

[00:03:15] Just watching you stumble through that.

[00:03:17] I was thinking if the dates and stuff.

[00:03:21] Anyways, so...

[00:03:22] Yeah you're right I'm tired.

[00:03:24] So let us paint the picture for you.

[00:03:28] This is our first my first time obviously traveling with a baby.

[00:03:31] Tay's first time in a very long time traveling with a baby and grandma

[00:03:34] was in tow.

[00:03:35] Grandma, love you mom is a notoriously anxious flyer which she would

[00:03:39] be like what are you talking about?

[00:03:40] No I'm not but everyone that has traveled with her would agree that

[00:03:43] and anyways we went, got to the airport early, everything was

[00:03:49] really smooth it was fine.

[00:03:51] Got on the plane, nursed him during takeoff, stone was a rock star

[00:03:56] on the plane brought the fucking flight attendants thank you cards

[00:03:59] with like Starbucks gift cards in it like the whole nine.

[00:04:02] He did pretty well.

[00:04:03] Yeah that was a power move by the way.

[00:04:05] Thank you.

[00:04:06] Thank you.

[00:04:07] I don't know what TikTok is.

[00:04:08] I saw that on but the fucking power move.

[00:04:10] It was a two hour and 15 minute flight on the way there and he

[00:04:14] slept for probably like 25 minutes took a 25 minute nap in my

[00:04:18] arms but like did pretty well on the plane.

[00:04:20] Like he was curious when he wasn't sleeping.

[00:04:23] Yeah he wasn't like fussy like he was pretty chill.

[00:04:26] I will say that sitting in coach with you and me and then

[00:04:34] someone next to us like is a lot because you're like you

[00:04:39] feel bad for the other person and you're trying to keep the baby

[00:04:42] chill and then like you can't really stretch out and like make

[00:04:46] them go sideways unless someone sitting next to you.

[00:04:49] It's a whole like Tetris thing and what?

[00:04:53] No.

[00:04:54] You looked at me like you didn't understand that reference.

[00:04:56] No I'm literally blanking out on the flight there or the flight

[00:05:00] back.

[00:05:01] You were sitting in the middle, I was sitting in the aisle.

[00:05:03] I held him pretty much the whole way there because he

[00:05:06] was just chilling and then I nursed him on take off and take

[00:05:09] down and there was a guy sitting next to you with headphones.

[00:05:12] That's right.

[00:05:13] So we get to Austin, we get to the hotel.

[00:05:17] The difficult thing is like Stone's on a pretty like regimented

[00:05:22] nap schedule and he's not super great at napping on the go

[00:05:26] because he gets FOMO and he's like I want to fucking see what

[00:05:29] we're doing and where are we going and let me be a part of

[00:05:32] the crew and let me wonder where he gets that from.

[00:05:36] Well, I mean really both of us.

[00:05:39] Yeah well.

[00:05:40] Don't give me that shit.

[00:05:42] You got FOMO like the rest of us.

[00:05:45] So we end up like getting to the hotel getting set up.

[00:05:50] I will say I never want to stay in a hotel again with a baby.

[00:05:53] So the traveling, yes.

[00:05:56] Everybody's thinking when we're talking about traveling it's

[00:05:58] flying it's not.

[00:06:00] We're going to Portugal that we're thinking big on the flying.

[00:06:03] Yeah, the hotel was a bad idea.

[00:06:05] Yeah.

[00:06:06] And you know I've never that is something I don't think I've

[00:06:10] ever done.

[00:06:12] Really wild.

[00:06:14] They didn't have airbnbs back in the day.

[00:06:18] Well this was 11 years ago and it was in Austin and I pointed

[00:06:22] out the airbnb that it was it was a condo.

[00:06:25] It was an embassy suite condo thing so like yeah.

[00:06:28] It was a boutique hotel.

[00:06:30] It didn't have a ton of room.

[00:06:32] It was a fucking bad idea.

[00:06:34] We were like trying to black out all the fucking lights that

[00:06:36] were shining when you turned all the lights off and like covering

[00:06:39] things with sweatshirts and like we put the travel crib in the

[00:06:42] bathroom it was a whole fucking thing.

[00:06:44] We also have to preface this that we are in the middle or

[00:06:46] you know of sleep training our child.

[00:06:48] Not in the middle like he's.

[00:06:50] Towards the end of it but yeah.

[00:06:52] Which is when you get off schedule.

[00:06:54] With that otherwise he jumps off and then you kind of

[00:06:57] re-navigate back to that.

[00:06:59] So I think when you get off schedule like it really throws him

[00:07:03] off and we're trying to keep him on the schedule so it

[00:07:05] sustains.

[00:07:06] So we end up going to dinner.

[00:07:09] And I was like in a state one of the hardest things for me

[00:07:13] navigating this new chapter of like being out and with

[00:07:17] the baby is like I can do it and I look like a rockstar

[00:07:21] doing it but it's not fun for me because and this is

[00:07:25] my shit that I've been looking at since this trip that this

[00:07:27] trip brought up which we will get to so wonderfully to smack

[00:07:31] me in the fucking face is like I don't want to pass him off to

[00:07:36] tear to my mom because if he's fussy and like squirmy then

[00:07:40] I feel bad and I feel responsible to be like here let

[00:07:44] me help even though they're totally capable of doing that

[00:07:47] and sometimes me because here's the thing you have to

[00:07:51] say like sometimes he's just he just needs his mom.

[00:07:54] Yeah, no but that's not the times I'm talking about.

[00:07:56] Okay.

[00:07:57] I'm talking the times that he's just like fussy and it's like

[00:07:59] we're trying to sit somewhere and he's squirmy.

[00:08:01] Right, right, right.

[00:08:02] It's like you know it is what it is.

[00:08:03] It's annoying for whoever's going to be holding him.

[00:08:05] Yeah, you take that under your.

[00:08:06] Yeah, I feel burdened when I see you or my mom or

[00:08:10] someone else doing that and then you're like dude

[00:08:12] I'm fine like let him be here but then I see

[00:08:14] you getting frustrated so then I want to swoop in

[00:08:17] and fix the situation anyways.

[00:08:19] So it's been difficult for me to be like okay let's

[00:08:23] just go and like if you can't nap you can't nap

[00:08:26] if he's fussy if he's like let's just go and like

[00:08:29] I will have a good time.

[00:08:31] I always end up getting too stressed and then I'm like

[00:08:33] we should like let's just fucking.

[00:08:35] I love having people over here at our house.

[00:08:38] I think that in time we'll.

[00:08:40] Well, I think it's already starting.

[00:08:42] Yeah, yeah, I mean we'll be able to.

[00:08:44] Like last night we walked to a cute little

[00:08:46] sushi restaurant he stayed in his stroller

[00:08:48] we like fed him different stuff at the table like.

[00:08:50] Well I'm going to say something that I didn't know.

[00:08:53] I would say okay I think that might be.

[00:08:57] A trauma trigger for you from when how maybe your mom

[00:09:01] how your dad was really adamant on you not raising

[00:09:05] being all loud and disrespectful at restaurants he was

[00:09:09] always really big on that maybe some some of your.

[00:09:13] I don't think I would call it a trauma.

[00:09:15] But yeah my mom talks all the time about how when I

[00:09:18] was little they would take me to like nice restaurants

[00:09:21] and stuff and she would always keep me busy and

[00:09:24] like have stuff for me to do but if I started getting fussy

[00:09:27] my dad was like no no no like you got to take her outside

[00:09:29] to like go chill and play and stuff which I agree with

[00:09:32] like I it's like if you're going to take a baby to

[00:09:35] a nice fucking restaurant yeah no like there's people

[00:09:38] there on dates there's people are doing stuff like

[00:09:40] if they get fussy like take him outside and go for a walk

[00:09:42] but anyways this has been like even at my mom's house

[00:09:45] like it's just been hard to drop in and like enjoy

[00:09:51] myself while tending to all the baby stuff and that

[00:09:57] really was apparent at that first dinner and you ended

[00:10:00] up taking him on a walk he fell asleep in the stroller

[00:10:03] which totally fucked us in the ass later but it was

[00:10:06] needed to happen he was like so fucking tired and you

[00:10:09] came back he slept for like 20 minutes we all ate

[00:10:11] our entrees and we ended up having like a really nice

[00:10:14] time so we go home we get him to bed later than normal

[00:10:18] the sleep train plan was like put him to bed at 9pm

[00:10:22] let him wake up at 9am because then you just like

[00:10:25] you're only there for a couple days you're keeping him

[00:10:27] on LA time like don't try and time change him

[00:10:29] he woke up at like 6am every morning and was like

[00:10:33] fuck you fat chance like let's party there was

[00:10:36] no 9am in the system but so we ended up getting

[00:10:39] him to bed that first night I didn't really

[00:10:41] sleep that well because he's in like a fucking

[00:10:43] travel crib I'm like his mattress is different

[00:10:46] like can he breathe is he on his face right is he

[00:10:48] even still in there like if it was just it was

[00:10:51] just like a weird this was the first time we were

[00:10:54] in an environment that wasn't and again hotel

[00:10:58] yeah and again hotels of bad idea for fucking

[00:11:01] seven months he was in the bathroom yeah he

[00:11:03] basically we moved it yeah it was it was just

[00:11:06] all the I wish I could say I am a superwoman

[00:11:13] and on top of all that I do cook every night

[00:11:16] but that is simply not the case our time is

[00:11:19] so freaking limited now with the baby and my

[00:11:21] bonus daughter and factor meals has been

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[00:12:23] is active if you ask Tay if he could

[00:12:26] only eat one thing for the rest of his

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[00:13:59] this episode

[00:14:06] the next day we have this big

[00:14:07] interview this is what we like went to

[00:14:09] Austin for I wake up with a headache

[00:14:11] and I'm like this sucks I have a

[00:14:13] headache tastes like well let me take

[00:14:15] him down I'll go like grab coffee

[00:14:16] and stuff and whatever that headaches

[00:14:19] slowly turns to I think I'm going to

[00:14:21] vomit and so I puked

[00:14:25] and I was like okay I got a rally

[00:14:27] get my fucking makeup on and the

[00:14:29] plan was today was going to stay with

[00:14:31] the baby and hang my mom and I were

[00:14:33] going to go to the interview each do

[00:14:35] our respective interviews and episodes

[00:14:37] and then we would come back and

[00:14:38] like go out and see Austin and

[00:14:40] like go about our day and just

[00:14:42] let me interlude here she

[00:14:44] sometimes gets headaches and they

[00:14:46] you know sometimes they turn into a

[00:14:48] migraine she puked she lays down for

[00:14:50] like an hour and it all goes away

[00:14:52] and you know or like you thought

[00:14:54] you might have been hung over from

[00:14:56] the one glass of wine which was

[00:14:58] what I said when you said I think

[00:15:00] I'm hung over I'm like you had one

[00:15:02] glass of wine yeah well so this

[00:15:04] what I was feeling was very much in

[00:15:06] line with how I used to get

[00:15:08] right I lently hung over but

[00:15:10] like there's just no way from one

[00:15:13] glass of red wine that I was

[00:15:15] as sick as I ended up being

[00:15:17] mind you like I have like a glass

[00:15:19] a glass and a half of wine like

[00:15:21] probably three times a night at home

[00:15:23] not since this time tonight I'm sorry

[00:15:25] three times a week three times a week

[00:15:27] about a fucking bottle of wine nice

[00:15:29] no big deal I'm parenting great

[00:15:31] but I don't drink a lot

[00:15:33] anyways so I get

[00:15:35] my makeup on I'm really not feeling

[00:15:37] good I say goodbye to today

[00:15:39] my mom and I call an Uber

[00:15:41] an SUV Tesla pulls up

[00:15:43] we got in the Uber I'm

[00:15:45] just like trying to take deep

[00:15:47] breath holding it together for this

[00:15:49] 45-minute car ride that we are now

[00:15:51] taking to this interview

[00:15:53] we got off the freeway and

[00:15:55] I feel it that fucking

[00:15:57] horrible feeling of

[00:15:59] like you're gonna puke

[00:16:01] and it's gonna happen

[00:16:03] and there's nothing you can do about it

[00:16:05] it's like the rumbling that's now

[00:16:07] coming up through your chest it's

[00:16:09] the worst fucking feeling ever

[00:16:11] and so I tell

[00:16:13] our very nice Uber driver who doesn't speak

[00:16:15] super great English can you please

[00:16:17] pull over and he was like what

[00:16:19] and I was like can you please pull over

[00:16:21] and my mom gets very dramatically

[00:16:23] she's gonna throw up can you please pull over

[00:16:25] didn't pull over in time so

[00:16:27] I rolled the Tesla window down thank god

[00:16:29] the button worked because like the doors

[00:16:31] on that fucking thing are

[00:16:33] like you're inside a goddamn space

[00:16:35] we would have still been in dealing with that

[00:16:37] I launched my head out of the Tesla window

[00:16:41] and projectile vomited

[00:16:43] onto the street

[00:16:45] oh so the street or freeway this was a freeway

[00:16:47] no no this was a street

[00:16:49] he then understood what was happening

[00:16:51] and pulled into a parking lot

[00:16:53] where I then figured

[00:16:55] out how to open the door and puked two more times

[00:16:57] in the parking lot

[00:16:59] missing the Tesla the entire time

[00:17:01] there was no puke on the car I was very proud of that

[00:17:03] meanwhile Stone and I were

[00:17:05] starting our first walk through Austin

[00:17:07] we were checking out the capital

[00:17:09] and

[00:17:11] so then we end up

[00:17:13] going to the interview

[00:17:15] I'm like trying to pretend that I'm totally

[00:17:17] fine and not dying

[00:17:19] and

[00:17:21] I go in I somehow pull it together I do the

[00:17:23] interview you guys listen to it when it comes out

[00:17:25] let me know if you can tell that I'm like on my

[00:17:27] fucking deathbed on the inside

[00:17:29] I finished my mom goes into shoot her

[00:17:31] interview I go into their backyard and I like

[00:17:33] laid on their

[00:17:35] sun chair

[00:17:37] and just like laid in the sun for

[00:17:39] however long she was recording for

[00:17:41] and at this point Stone is down for his first nap

[00:17:43] no

[00:17:45] incorrect Stone was

[00:17:47] napping when we left in the Tesla

[00:17:49] oh back

[00:17:51] on our way there

[00:17:53] I'm sorry I'm sorry his second

[00:17:55] no no so no this is where Tay fucked up

[00:17:59] I was too sick

[00:18:01] I was like when's his next nap and he was like

[00:18:03] one p.m. this is when I fucked up

[00:18:05] yeah I was like when's his next nap and he

[00:18:07] was like 1 p.m. and I was too sick

[00:18:09] to count and be like you're wrong

[00:18:11] you're an hour early

[00:18:13] listen guys when you have somebody in

[00:18:15] full control over everything

[00:18:17] and they go down

[00:18:19] it's just madness the whole ship

[00:18:21] goes down in a fiery fucking

[00:18:23] way all of a sudden like just everything

[00:18:25] went dark for

[00:18:27] so I'm with my mom

[00:18:29] it's probably like a whole

[00:18:31] like a four hour

[00:18:33] excursion from when we left the hotel

[00:18:35] to when we got there shot the interviews

[00:18:37] and got back

[00:18:39] I'm texting with Tay in the car on the way home

[00:18:41] while I'm laying on my mother's lap

[00:18:43] in the fucking Uber back

[00:18:45] and this is after throwing up a myriad of times

[00:18:47] and

[00:18:49] we're on our way back

[00:18:51] and I'm texting Tay

[00:18:53] and I'm like what's going on with the baby

[00:18:55] and he's like well I tried to put him down

[00:18:57] and he's like I'm having it

[00:18:59] he like wouldn't go to sleep so now we're up

[00:19:01] I put him in the carrier we're walking around Austin

[00:19:03] and I was like wait what

[00:19:05] like why wouldn't he have gone to sleep

[00:19:07] and I look at the clock and I'm like

[00:19:09] an hour early you were an hour early

[00:19:11] of course he wasn't going to go to sleep

[00:19:13] he was a fucking tired

[00:19:15] so then he's out walking around Austin

[00:19:17] and he's like oh fuck

[00:19:19] and now he's falling asleep in the carrier

[00:19:21] shit shit he's going to sleep and I'm 20 minutes away from the hotel

[00:19:23] so he fell asleep

[00:19:25] in the carrier took a short cat nap which like

[00:19:27] he probably needed a much longer one

[00:19:29] but it was what it was and so we're

[00:19:31] texting in the car and he's like okay where are you

[00:19:33] I was like I'm 15 minutes away

[00:19:35] I have to throw up

[00:19:37] breasts don't come and throw up and then I'll come get him

[00:19:39] to breastfeed him we end up walking

[00:19:41] in stone sees me and he's like

[00:19:43] no I'm going to mom bitch like

[00:19:45] he like jumps

[00:19:47] jumps not jumps swarms into my

[00:19:49] arms and he's

[00:19:51] doing this thing lately where like

[00:19:53] he tries he like uses his legs

[00:19:55] to like crawl away from

[00:19:57] your chest it's like

[00:19:59] I can't I don't know how to paint the picture better than that

[00:20:01] but like he starts like running on your chest

[00:20:03] to like basically

[00:20:05] be like putting down so I can walk away

[00:20:07] even though I'm not walking yeah so

[00:20:09] I was in a crop top and

[00:20:11] pants and his

[00:20:13] jagged ass talent of a

[00:20:15] fucking toenail I mean I swear to god

[00:20:17] it was like the

[00:20:19] fucking raptor from Jurassic Park

[00:20:21] fucking sliced my stomach open

[00:20:23] it looked like it was bleeding I was like

[00:20:25] cool awesome okay

[00:20:27] so we get in the fucking elevator I go

[00:20:29] upstairs I hand him to my mom

[00:20:31] I puke in the toilet I wash

[00:20:33] my hands I come back I breastfeed

[00:20:35] him and then you

[00:20:37] ate your lunch that you had just ordered came upstairs

[00:20:39] and basically what happened

[00:20:41] was like I could not mom

[00:20:43] that day no you are a hundred

[00:20:45] percent incapable

[00:20:47] it was scary and other than what I

[00:20:49] have done if you weren't there honestly

[00:20:51] well yeah you

[00:20:53] kind of you would have been fucked well no

[00:20:55] I mean I would have figured it out and he would have been sitting on the bathroom

[00:20:57] floor with me while I was puking but like

[00:20:59] when you survive that we get to you

[00:21:01] were in a point of like if he gets to the point

[00:21:03] you got to survive and other than that our

[00:21:05] thing stone and I were like

[00:21:07] we had such a good day we had lunch

[00:21:09] I had a beer at the lobby waiting

[00:21:11] for you guys like it was fun we

[00:21:13] really enjoyed it and then we really

[00:21:15] enjoyed it we did he was

[00:21:17] he was partying so then

[00:21:19] I try and lay down for like an hour

[00:21:21] he hangs out with my mom I'm still not

[00:21:23] feeling good take comes back

[00:21:25] like it's not feeling good you're sick

[00:21:27] and I was like I feel like I'm hung over

[00:21:29] and tables like you're not fucking this is not

[00:21:31] from a glass of wine projectile

[00:21:33] vomited multiple times your head hurts

[00:21:35] like this is whatever this is is not

[00:21:37] that and now at that point

[00:21:39] I started I was like oh

[00:21:41] shit because now there's a virus right

[00:21:43] so then

[00:21:45] you were like what you stay here

[00:21:47] and try and kick

[00:21:49] whatever this is out I'm going to take

[00:21:51] your mom and stone to dinner

[00:21:53] you want to take it from there yeah so then

[00:21:55] we go and oddly enough

[00:21:57] we get out to the street because there was no

[00:21:59] planning involved whatsoever we didn't

[00:22:01] know this was going to happen but we needed to

[00:22:03] eat and Gabrielle was done so we

[00:22:05] we're standing there and I'm like okay let me

[00:22:07] what kind of food do you want she's like let's get seafood

[00:22:09] so I just go to the first seafood

[00:22:11] place and happens to be this five star

[00:22:13] white tablecloth restaurant

[00:22:15] that I didn't even look in research I just

[00:22:17] saw that it was like good on yelp

[00:22:19] I was like okay we're going we walk

[00:22:21] in and it's sure as what

[00:22:23] you can think like candle light

[00:22:25] everything is like moody

[00:22:27] and white tablecloth and the waiters

[00:22:29] are all like dressed in suits

[00:22:31] and I was crazy so we

[00:22:33] just went for it we he got

[00:22:35] we got him the mashed potatoes he ate the whole

[00:22:37] thing with a espresso spoon

[00:22:39] everything everything was great your mom

[00:22:41] I had a wonderful conversation

[00:22:43] that I was really needing

[00:22:45] to have and we were

[00:22:47] obviously concerned about you but I

[00:22:49] kind of knew at that

[00:22:51] point you had something

[00:22:53] and it was like

[00:22:55] I didn't think it was food poisoning either

[00:22:57] I thought there was something else

[00:22:59] but nobody else was showing any signs

[00:23:01] so then we get

[00:23:03] home and I'm like still not okay

[00:23:05] and then Tay was like look I think you should go to your mom's room

[00:23:09] sleep for the night I will put stone down

[00:23:11] and like do bedtime

[00:23:13] and it'll be fine and of course I'm like

[00:23:15] okay but like we don't have a monitor

[00:23:17] and like what if you don't wake up and he's crying

[00:23:19] which sounds ridiculous but

[00:23:21] well many a nights we are in bed

[00:23:23] and I'm like oh that's so interesting

[00:23:25] here we go does Tay not hear

[00:23:27] the screaming Tay?

[00:23:29] yeah can you sleep through that?

[00:23:31] I can explain that because

[00:23:33] the way I can explain that is because

[00:23:35] bless your heart

[00:23:37] you've given me that permission

[00:23:41] so when I go to bed

[00:23:43] and I say night night

[00:23:45] it's like I'm turning it off

[00:23:47] if you tell me look I need you tonight

[00:23:49] or like in Austin

[00:23:51] I don't turn it off

[00:23:53] I didn't turn it off for a long time

[00:23:55] with Junie

[00:23:57] I'm so jealous of that talent

[00:23:59] and can you teach me how to do that

[00:24:01] yeah I don't know what it is

[00:24:03] there's times where my mom's like well why

[00:24:05] don't you make Tay get up and do tonight

[00:24:07] and I'm like because if we're in the same fucking house

[00:24:09] and I hear him crying

[00:24:11] let me just roll over

[00:24:13] and just go to sleep

[00:24:15] he's got this

[00:24:17] it does get to

[00:24:19] listen guys and I really want to say this

[00:24:21] it does get to that whole difference

[00:24:23] between mom and dad

[00:24:25] yes there are a lot of dads like me

[00:24:27] that are hands on

[00:24:29] there are some dads that are not hands on at all

[00:24:31] I am very hands on

[00:24:33] there's a big difference

[00:24:35] between the mom and the dad

[00:24:37] and sometimes boobs are involved

[00:24:39] but really if we were

[00:24:41] if we were fully on bottle formula

[00:24:43] it could be a different

[00:24:45] totally different ball game

[00:24:47] then we totally spend time

[00:24:49] you're either having to pump or you're having to breastfeed

[00:24:51] for me mentally like I just wouldn't

[00:24:53] be able to

[00:24:55] be like he's got it

[00:24:57] but what we do do

[00:24:59] not because of you

[00:25:01] I'm not my maternal insta

[00:25:03] but that

[00:25:05] we've talked about how we rectify

[00:25:07] that you take the

[00:25:09] two and a half hour morning shift

[00:25:11] and I usually go back to sleep

[00:25:13] but anyways we digress

[00:25:15] so we decide to do

[00:25:17] that I go to my mom's room

[00:25:19] I puke one more massive time

[00:25:21] she's like my mom's like I think we should

[00:25:23] call the hotel doctor

[00:25:25] to come to a hotel visit

[00:25:27] I'm like mom this isn't the fucking 50s

[00:25:29] I don't think that's a thing

[00:25:31] I'm not going to go sit

[00:25:33] at urgent care for fucking

[00:25:35] now I belong in fucking Austin

[00:25:37] I'm going to go to sleep so I curl up into the fetal position

[00:25:39] I get a really shitty night's sleep

[00:25:41] which is devastating as a mom when you're like

[00:25:43] oh my god I get to sleep in a hotel room

[00:25:45] and not worry about my baby and then you still sleep

[00:25:47] like fucking dick hole it sucked

[00:25:49] dick hole

[00:25:51] I've never heard that term

[00:25:53] that's worse than asshole

[00:25:55] what I was going for

[00:25:57] I wake up the next morning

[00:25:59] still not feeling super fantastic

[00:26:01] go in, breastfeed him because of course

[00:26:03] he arose at like fucking 4.30

[00:26:05] and Tay was just like god damn it child

[00:26:07] and put Miss Rachel on just to see how long

[00:26:09] we could hold him off before needing me

[00:26:11] yeah that's when I sent you those pictures

[00:26:13] I didn't watch Miss Rachel

[00:26:15] I just want to say and I'll let you go

[00:26:17] but I did get up like three times

[00:26:19] because there was no monitor

[00:26:21] yeah that's all

[00:26:23] full stop

[00:26:25] should have

[00:26:55] riveting the whole country for a week

[00:27:25] so I go in and breastfeed him

[00:27:27] and then we eventually put him down for his first nap

[00:27:29] I laid down with

[00:27:31] like at the same time he napped

[00:27:33] and then when I woke up from that

[00:27:35] after taking a center and I was on the other side of it

[00:27:37] and I was like thank god

[00:27:39] we then went out and had like a nice

[00:27:41] day walked around Austin

[00:27:43] like you know

[00:27:45] it was we salvaged the rest of the trip

[00:27:47] and we were like

[00:27:49] we were like we were like

[00:27:51] we were like we were like

[00:27:53] we salvaged the rest of the trip

[00:27:55] and we flew home

[00:27:57] and it was a day and a half early

[00:27:59] well oh yeah we changed our flight

[00:28:01] and came home early

[00:28:03] because

[00:28:05] look the hotel

[00:28:07] that was a deal breaker

[00:28:09] if we were in like an Airbnb I would have been like

[00:28:11] why would you guys want to leave early

[00:28:13] we're here like I get it

[00:28:15] it's hard traveling we do not have our cushy stuff

[00:28:17] and this monitor and that thing

[00:28:19] but like yeah when your mom

[00:28:21] was suggested that we went home early

[00:28:23] I immediately was like no

[00:28:25] but then I thought about it and was like no

[00:28:27] it is a pain in the ass there

[00:28:29] in that hotel

[00:28:31] I was so done after being that sick

[00:28:33] I was so tired

[00:28:35] and whenever he would like cry and get

[00:28:37] fussy which like he was

[00:28:39] more fussy than normal in the hotel

[00:28:41] like when we were trying to change his diapers and stuff

[00:28:43] like he was just not stoked

[00:28:45] it was like

[00:28:47] a little more different

[00:28:49] it was a little more different fussy than

[00:28:51] the normal one

[00:28:53] so we come home

[00:28:55] he did fine on the flight

[00:28:57] the flights there

[00:28:59] and back were both great

[00:29:01] but they were also short

[00:29:03] and on the way back by the grace

[00:29:05] of God

[00:29:07] there was no one sitting next to us so you and me and him had

[00:29:09] three seats

[00:29:11] which was a game changer

[00:29:13] not going to happen

[00:29:15] but anyways

[00:29:17] and then

[00:29:19] we come home like the day before Easter

[00:29:21] and that night I was like I feel like I'm getting

[00:29:23] stuffed up

[00:29:25] so on Easter morning I go to urgent care

[00:29:27] they were like yeah you have a sinus infection

[00:29:29] I'm like okay cool so they give me antibiotics that are safe to take

[00:29:31] away your breastfeeding

[00:29:33] and was like okay great

[00:29:35] not great

[00:29:37] got to

[00:29:39] four or five days later

[00:29:41] stone has a fever

[00:29:43] he's not feeling good

[00:29:45] take him to the pediatrician

[00:29:47] they're like

[00:29:49] they test for a panel of all these things

[00:29:51] and she calls me she's like yeah you're right

[00:29:53] he's got para flu

[00:29:55] which is a virus that's like a common cold

[00:29:57] but like a shittier version of it

[00:29:59] and

[00:30:01] that's apparently what we all

[00:30:03] ended up having

[00:30:05] me having it some two weeks later

[00:30:07] the same

[00:30:09] 24 hour that I had in Texas

[00:30:11] only

[00:30:13] I love you Tay as a man so it was just

[00:30:15] violent

[00:30:17] violence

[00:30:21] I mean he was dying

[00:30:23] it was so

[00:30:25] so bad guys

[00:30:27] yes that's true and we can talk about it

[00:30:29] when we're

[00:30:31] the fucking exorcist enters our house and it is like

[00:30:33] yeah I don't know what happened

[00:30:35] and I couldn't even keep my head

[00:30:37] up for 24 hours

[00:30:39] I was so sick

[00:30:41] so I had two auditions

[00:30:43] I had a

[00:30:45] colonoscopy scheduled for the next day

[00:30:47] all of it cancelled

[00:30:49] everything so I got up that morning

[00:30:51] loaded stone into the car took

[00:30:53] Junie to school

[00:30:55] dropped her off had to like

[00:30:57] go show our north Hollywood property on the way home

[00:30:59] oh my god I rented like with the baby

[00:31:01] basically do my life

[00:31:03] throw the baby in the mix

[00:31:05] while I laid

[00:31:07] the grace that we have had

[00:31:09] each time when like

[00:31:11] we all had COVID and during this

[00:31:13] was that like everybody came down at that a different time

[00:31:15] universe there was one parent

[00:31:17] that could like fucking get up

[00:31:19] deal with it out but

[00:31:21] course stone has he's still

[00:31:23] yeah it's still working its way through

[00:31:25] he at least didn't have the vomiting although

[00:31:27] there was one projectile vomit moment

[00:31:29] yeah in the in his crib

[00:31:31] shook me to my core and but he was also

[00:31:33] a lot very spit upy

[00:31:35] for leading up to that vomit like

[00:31:37] where I was like this doesn't seem

[00:31:39] right this doesn't seem

[00:31:41] like his normal little boob milk spit up

[00:31:43] like he's been spitting up

[00:31:45] and there was the two days leading up to that big

[00:31:47] vomit and also his body

[00:31:49] is the first time re dealing with something

[00:31:51] like this so he's not able to process

[00:31:53] and plus honestly

[00:31:55] it's better that he has it and he

[00:31:57] just like let his body

[00:31:59] build it and like

[00:32:01] it sucks when the runny nose is a

[00:32:03] pain in our ass and a pain in his ass

[00:32:05] and he can't breathe and he can't eat because

[00:32:07] he can't breathe but it's all

[00:32:09] good

[00:32:11] it's all good it's all good but

[00:32:13] it's all building is in the

[00:32:15] unities and I feel I feel good about it

[00:32:17] yeah look Junie got it we all got it

[00:32:19] it's been a whole the whole house

[00:32:21] which brings us to how we started

[00:32:23] this episode I'm so tired

[00:32:25] well just coming out of that

[00:32:27] look yeah there's a brutal two weeks

[00:32:29] and now every day

[00:32:31] I'm psyching myself up pretending that

[00:32:33] the next trip is just going to be fine

[00:32:35] which is a road trip to San

[00:32:37] Francisco and Santa Cruz for

[00:32:39] my friend's wedding and to see your friends

[00:32:41] and family and then Europe and then

[00:32:43] Portugal but I don't pray I'm just

[00:32:45] but I also don't think

[00:32:47] it was the

[00:32:49] travel no I say I think

[00:32:51] it was the bad decision

[00:32:53] on the hotel that ruined it all

[00:32:55] yeah and it was I mean

[00:32:57] we could do a hotel for a night

[00:32:59] if we are doing hotels in Europe

[00:33:01] yeah if we have to we can do it

[00:33:03] but it's not enjoyable at all

[00:33:05] here is the plan we are going

[00:33:07] to suck it up and not do

[00:33:09] a travel to crib and just take the pack

[00:33:11] and play and get him used to that on the

[00:33:13] next San Francisco Santa Cruz

[00:33:15] trip yep we got that fucking

[00:33:17] slumber pod thing that like

[00:33:19] that goes around it and blacks it out

[00:33:21] let's black it out and then

[00:33:23] he can take that to Portugal and like

[00:33:25] at least he'll have the same sleeping situation

[00:33:27] in every place that we move to

[00:33:29] and just say a prayer for us and that's

[00:33:31] yeah and you know let's go back to

[00:33:33] like look we gotta do these

[00:33:35] trips so he's gotta join us

[00:33:37] we did it we made the best out of it

[00:33:39] we made it through

[00:33:41] and even when we don't make it through

[00:33:43] if we don't get sick he'll still

[00:33:45] figure it out but I legitimately came

[00:33:47] on from that trip and was like I never

[00:33:49] want to leave my house again

[00:33:51] like let me turn in my passport

[00:33:53] I'm fine that's it

[00:33:55] yeah we're done I might hold you

[00:33:57] back to the words no I mean but like

[00:33:59] it was that was how difficult

[00:34:01] the trip was for me and I don't think

[00:34:03] it would have been that difficult if I wouldn't

[00:34:05] have gotten so violently fucking sick for

[00:34:07] well and now and in looking back

[00:34:09] I honestly when I was

[00:34:11] that sick I was thinking about you

[00:34:13] out of that Tesla

[00:34:15] and Jess and the fact that

[00:34:17] I went sat and did an hour interview

[00:34:19] and nobody knew that I was dying

[00:34:21] on the inside yeah no there was a small

[00:34:23] window where I could have potentially

[00:34:25] something like that off you could not

[00:34:27] even sit on the couch

[00:34:29] yeah okay

[00:34:31] all right we are going

[00:34:33] to jump into some of your

[00:34:35] listener questions here we go

[00:34:43] even though you felt something missing

[00:34:45] do you feel chemistry was always

[00:34:47] present or does chemistry

[00:34:49] waiver also I mean

[00:34:51] I'm in a healthy relationship

[00:34:53] I find myself comparing my partner

[00:34:55] to my deceased fiance

[00:34:57] whom I always had chemistry with

[00:34:59] but the relationship was tough

[00:35:01] because he was a recovering addict

[00:35:03] now I struggle feeling anything with

[00:35:05] anyone and my current partner

[00:35:07] is healthy and kind of amazing

[00:35:09] but I'm feeling like there's not

[00:35:11] enough chemistry

[00:35:13] wow

[00:35:15] I'd like to say first sorry for your loss

[00:35:17] that's tough and that's

[00:35:19] gonna probably you know

[00:35:21] there's a lot of unpacking to do there

[00:35:23] my answer would be just to look at

[00:35:25] you and I

[00:35:27] how we've kind of gone

[00:35:29] not in and out of chemistry

[00:35:31] I've always felt chemistry but

[00:35:33] in and out of intimacy

[00:35:35] if you will you know there's times where

[00:35:37] it's just like not happening

[00:35:39] or you're feeling weird

[00:35:41] or I'm feeling weird or whatever and sometimes

[00:35:43] that time is a little bit longer than normal

[00:35:45] I think that's totally okay

[00:35:47] as long as everybody's communicating

[00:35:49] properly and everybody and it's

[00:35:51] mutual so let's just

[00:35:53] start with that I think like

[00:35:55] we have to define chemistry a little bit

[00:35:57] right I would add to that

[00:35:59] and say

[00:36:01] that if you're

[00:36:03] feeling like something is missing

[00:36:05] in your relationship

[00:36:07] that can be a big indication

[00:36:09] of something that you need to go

[00:36:11] do some more work on and heal

[00:36:13] for me when I kept saying

[00:36:15] oh something's missing something's missing

[00:36:17] because I had a very toxic

[00:36:19] definition of

[00:36:21] love for my previous relationships

[00:36:23] and I needed to do a lot

[00:36:25] more work on myself before

[00:36:27] I could feel whole and therefore

[00:36:29] feel whole in a relationship

[00:36:31] so I would say to start looking

[00:36:33] inward to see if there's

[00:36:35] more work to do

[00:36:37] before you're ready

[00:36:39] to be in a relationship or

[00:36:41] so that you can grow in

[00:36:43] that relationship yeah I also like

[00:36:45] to piggyback on that and maybe

[00:36:47] the fact that you're still what was the

[00:36:49] term she used visualizing

[00:36:51] her ex no comparing

[00:36:53] comparing I mean

[00:36:55] there's something there I think that

[00:36:57] there's either

[00:36:59] there might be some more processing

[00:37:01] of that the loss

[00:37:03] there yeah yeah I would agree

[00:37:05] okay what are some non-monetary

[00:37:07] ways you support each other

[00:37:09] well I mean

[00:37:11] for me the amount

[00:37:13] you do around the house

[00:37:15] you are the one that's cooking dinner most of

[00:37:17] the nights while I'm doing

[00:37:19] the bedtime routine with stone

[00:37:21] you also do his shower time

[00:37:23] a lot and the fact that you

[00:37:25] get up with him and do like the morning

[00:37:27] shifts so that I can go back

[00:37:29] to sleep if I hadn't

[00:37:31] slept enough like that's all huge

[00:37:33] to me it's funny because

[00:37:35] mine's gonna really revolve around

[00:37:37] sleep too honestly

[00:37:39] just you

[00:37:41] being the mom that you are

[00:37:43] it makes my

[00:37:45] life very

[00:37:47] pleasurable that's the most

[00:37:49] general way of saying it

[00:37:51] I'll give you an example those nights

[00:37:53] we were talking about it in the episode

[00:37:55] those nights that

[00:37:57] yeah I could get up and do it

[00:37:59] even if he was on formula

[00:38:01] or you know but you're still

[00:38:03] getting up and when you

[00:38:05] realize when you made that realization

[00:38:07] that you're gonna get up no matter what

[00:38:09] and you look to me you're like

[00:38:11] look just stay asleep

[00:38:13] that was a big switch

[00:38:15] and that was a huge thing

[00:38:17] that allowed me to sleep

[00:38:19] and then allowed me to get up in the morning

[00:38:21] and have those shifts and now

[00:38:23] it kind of started to work out very

[00:38:25] well in that regard so kind of

[00:38:27] that yeah yeah

[00:38:29] and then like just really

[00:38:31] on emotional levels

[00:38:33] where like

[00:38:35] it's you know

[00:38:37] being there for the person

[00:38:39] on you know like

[00:38:41] in their love languages so like

[00:38:43] what do you need today

[00:38:45] what can I do to support you

[00:38:47] most of the things I feel

[00:38:49] in a relationship is

[00:38:51] non-monetarian

[00:38:53] yeah and just always checking in

[00:38:55] it's not easy and we have

[00:38:57] a great easy baby

[00:38:59] it's not easy anybody

[00:39:01] going through parenthood

[00:39:03] at those first year

[00:39:05] I mean no matter what so constantly

[00:39:07] checking in constantly

[00:39:09] you know trying to

[00:39:11] help in any way

[00:39:13] yeah favorite trip the two of you have gone on

[00:39:15] together

[00:39:17] oh wow

[00:39:19] I mean mine would be the Italy trip

[00:39:21] like the Europe trip that we took

[00:39:23] it has to be that but like we had

[00:39:25] we've had some good Hawaii

[00:39:27] that's true we have some good Hawaii trip

[00:39:29] some yeah it's got to be Italy

[00:39:31] and more even specifically

[00:39:33] Sorrento but that's more of the town

[00:39:35] yeah

[00:39:37] I often say

[00:39:39] I often say like thank god we did

[00:39:41] that when we did that was it

[00:39:43] it was a good one to go on out with

[00:39:45] because I would have proposed

[00:39:47] we would have eventually

[00:39:49] and we would have eventually gotten

[00:39:51] the ball rolling and had the baby

[00:39:53] but if we didn't get that trip in

[00:39:55] I mean we'll do a lot more epic

[00:39:57] trips but they're gonna look a lot different now

[00:39:59] yeah

[00:40:01] okay what do you like the most

[00:40:03] about the other since

[00:40:05] adding your son to the family

[00:40:07] oh that's easy for me

[00:40:09] I've already answered it like 17 times

[00:40:11] the fact you being a mom watching

[00:40:13] oh I thought you were gonna say my boobs

[00:40:15] what

[00:40:17] I mean

[00:40:19] I was

[00:40:21] you're not a blue guy that's why we're married

[00:40:23] right

[00:40:25] or am I supposed to be honest

[00:40:27] no

[00:40:29] I'm not seeing you

[00:40:31] change

[00:40:33] that's been the most rewarding thing

[00:40:35] I said it to you at the very beginning

[00:40:37] when we were well into

[00:40:39] the back and forth stage of like

[00:40:41] you know

[00:40:43] the ridiculous misadventures

[00:40:45] that you know

[00:40:47] no matter what if you choose him

[00:40:49] if you choose me if you choose neither of us

[00:40:51] you go out with some other guy and find him

[00:40:53] I would love to stay in your life

[00:40:55] to see you be a mom and I fucking knew it

[00:40:57] you were going to change

[00:40:59] like that and you did

[00:41:01] and for the better not that you

[00:41:03] were not a great person before

[00:41:05] but like something motherhood

[00:41:07] brought a certain power out in you

[00:41:09] that I wasn't aware of

[00:41:11] that's very sweet babe thank you

[00:41:13] I would say

[00:41:15] my favorite

[00:41:17] thing is the fact

[00:41:19] that we have not lost

[00:41:21] our laughter

[00:41:23] and our outlook like the way that

[00:41:25] you continuously make me laugh

[00:41:27] even when shit is like

[00:41:29] difficult

[00:41:31] or tough the way that we

[00:41:33] can have fun together and laugh together

[00:41:35] and like how you bring that out in

[00:41:37] me in all

[00:41:39] of us when we're all together like

[00:41:41] the way that you make stone laugh like

[00:41:43] all of that is really

[00:41:45] yeah my favorite things I really realize

[00:41:47] that and in Austin specifically you

[00:41:49] really like oh my god

[00:41:51] hello Gabrielle like big fucking like

[00:41:53] message of the episode god I was almost

[00:41:55] about to be like bye guys okay it's great

[00:41:57] so that first night at dinner my mom

[00:41:59] looked at me and was like when you took

[00:42:01] him on a walk and she was like you need to release control

[00:42:03] like this is all about control for you

[00:42:05] in regards to the baby

[00:42:07] and lo and behold the next day I was

[00:42:09] fucking knocked on my ass for 24 hours and couldn't

[00:42:11] be a mom and the universe was like sit

[00:42:13] down bitch like Tay's got this

[00:42:15] and you need to understand that

[00:42:17] and as bad as I felt for

[00:42:19] you being like alone with the baby

[00:42:21] all day and like having to like do all the things

[00:42:23] and like whatever even though

[00:42:25] you kept trying to tell me like no we had a good time

[00:42:27] it's fine I don't like everything is fine

[00:42:29] I still felt so guilty and so

[00:42:31] bad it made me sit back

[00:42:33] and forced me to realize that

[00:42:35] like I can take a back seat sometimes

[00:42:37] and everything will be fine

[00:42:39] and that was a huge lesson for

[00:42:41] me yeah I would have loved to learn

[00:42:43] it without puking out the side of a Tesla

[00:42:45] but learn the lesson I did

[00:42:47] can you by any chance next time

[00:42:49] that happens

[00:42:51] save it for when you are on the freeway

[00:42:53] and puke out on the freeway

[00:42:55] because it would have like shot back

[00:42:57] onto another car you're so weird

[00:42:59] it's just so dramatic and heavy

[00:43:01] and like oh my god

[00:43:03] and chunks

[00:43:05] okay and on that note we love you guys

[00:43:07] see you next week

[00:43:13] alright FMLers

[00:43:15] if you don't want to miss an episode

[00:43:17] make sure to follow on your favorite podcast

[00:43:19] app and if you're loving the show

[00:43:21] drop us a 5 star rating

[00:43:23] and leave a review

[00:43:25] you can keep up with me on instagram

[00:43:27] at gabrielle stone or the podcast page

[00:43:29] at fml talk podcast

[00:43:31] for all the merch and books signed personally

[00:43:33] by me you can shop the fml

[00:43:35] line on eatprayfml.com

[00:43:37] and as always

[00:43:39] have a fucking self love

[00:43:41] cocktail on me

[00:43:43] cheers

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