Episode 291 - Penguins are so sensitive to my needs

[00:00:04] It's time to feel the rage! Welcome to Film Rage where we talk movies in theaters, streaming and classic films as well. Directors and actors beware as you cannot hide from the rage. My name is Bryce and I am part of... something. What am I part of? The Film Rage crew. The Film Rage crew, that is correct sir. Which also includes... Includes you there Jim. Hey, hey, yeah.

[00:00:34] It also includes Murray, I don't know where he is though. Where's Murray? Murray's in Vegas for his birthday. Really? Yeah. When did he get there? What's today? Tuesday? Wednesday? Tuesday? Some Wednesday thing? He's there on Monday. Monday? Yep. Just like the Mamas and the Papas song? Yeah. Monday, Monday.

[00:00:57] Ba-ba-ba-da-ba-da. Yeah, that's the Murray. He's singing with the Mamas and the Papas. Nice. Or at least Wilson Phillips, one of them. Wilson Phillips? Wasn't one of the Wilson Phillips, one of the daughters of one of the Mamas and the Papas? That is true. Hold on.

[00:01:16] To one more day! Things come away. Hold on for one more day. Nice. Alright, this is already falling apart. Yeah. Now what? Oh, we're ready? Oh, yeah. Yeah. So with the introductions out of the way... Let's Rage On! That's it, sir. Well, thanks to OpenSports. If you love our independent podcasts, please like, subscribe, share, and give us a five-star rating on our listening platform. Or... Or... Yep.

[00:01:48] Join the Film Rage community at Film Rage... No, sorry, at BuyMeACoffee.com forward slash Film Rage YYC. And if you can't commit to a movie, then you can dare us to see one. And if you can't commit to a membership, you can do that too. Whatever. It's the whatever episode. We're just glad if you're listening. It's the whatever episode. I'm glad if you haven't shut it off at this point, to be honest. If there's one person listening right now... Yes. ...in cyberspace... It's probably going to get better, but I'm not going to make any guarantees.

[00:02:17] I am not making any promises. Although, I will say, we have six movies that we saw in cinemas this week. Holy poop. So get ready for a long, long episode. Although, Murray's not here. Murray's not here, and I don't even remember half the movies we saw. The Merman 30-minute... Yeah. The Merman minute that always ends up... 30 minutes long. It won't last that long. Yeah. All right.

[00:02:44] We never get to this music, so this must be a reminder for us to move on. Yes. Well, let's do that then. Oh, that's not the music. Thank God Murray's not here. To see all these errors, that's better. Eh, I haven't done this in a while. Don't know. Don't know. Will he predict the rage or will he predict the mondo? He's not here.

[00:03:11] Will he tell us all what Jim and Bryce are at the movies? Not this week. Better watch out, kids, because he's not here. He won't be coming swimming to you. Sad face. Sad face. Sad face. Sad face. Wah. Sad face. Wah. Sad face, because we miss a little Merman. All right. Well, if Merman's not predicting, I guess maybe we should do some predicting. Um, okay.

[00:03:39] Well, that's a good idea. All right. All right. So. So we haven't really talked much about any of these. No, we haven't any of these. So, except for one. So one will not be a surprise. No, but it wouldn't have been a surprise anyways. Yeah. It's, well, maybe. Wow. You're stupid, but you're not that stupid. Okay. So, um, Death of a Unicorn. Oh, that was, that was entertaining. It was.

[00:04:09] I'm going to say you gave it a meh. All right. I am going to say that you also gave it a meh. I think we'll both have very nice things to say about the movie. And at the end, we'll go. It was meh. Okay. Uh, Woman in the Yard. Ah. I'm going to say this made you rage. I'm going to say that this, I don't think you hated it as much as me. I mean, I was sitting, I was sitting beside you and I was really hating this movie.

[00:04:38] I think you found some stuff in it, but I still think at the end of the day, you know, this was a crap movie and it's a rage. All right. Okay. Uh, Bob Trevino likes it. This is a no brain. This is a boat. I am 100% guarantee you're giving this a mondo. And I already know it's like your favorite movie of the year. Spoiler alert. Mondo. All right. Uh, a working man with, uh, call him a working man. Yeah.

[00:05:05] If only they would have had a rush song in here, it might've made this a little better. I'm going to say there's no hope in hell that you gave Jason Statham's follow-up to a pretty good movie. The Beekeeper. The Beekeeper wasn't terrible. Yeah. I was hoping it was going to be a sequel. I was hoping it wasn't going to be terrible as well. Yeah. But I'm saying you gave this as a rage. Yeah. This was, this was an awful movie and I know you gave it a rage. Cause once again, you're not dumb. Well, a little. I'm super dumb. What are you talking about? Okay.

[00:05:35] Uh, the penguin lessons. Oh, this one is interesting. I know. It is interesting. I know that we didn't give it a rage, but I don't know. I'm thinking you're going to give it a meh. Yeah. It's a biopic. So. It is a biopic. It is, it's cute little movie. I think you'll also find some appreciation there. There are some funny bits plus a lead actor dude is kind of, he kind of brings it pretty much. Yeah. Stevie brings it almost every time. I think he brings it every time.

[00:06:05] We're going to talk about him later. Oh, are we? I think you will also give this a meh. All right. And then cloud. Cloud. This is one I think we may differ. Now, this was a special screening that we got to see. And I'm thinking, uh, I'm going on a limb here. I think you're going to give this one a mondo. Wow. Wow. I know. Now I'm not saying what it deserves because you're going to find that out later, but I'm thinking you're going to give this one a mondo because of the director. I think that you are going to give this a meh.

[00:06:35] All right. So all in all, it sounds like we had an okay week at the movies. Let's find out if we actually did. It's kind of a mixed bag of tricks. Yes. All right. Death of a unicorn. Now, we've been holding this one on our back pocket for a while. We saw it like six weeks ago. Seven years ago. Seven years ago? Was it that long? Seven years ago. I don't think it was that long ago. It felt like seven years ago. It's not a long time ago. I almost had to go see it again because we saw it so long ago.

[00:07:04] It came as like a special Monday edition surprise thing. And they're like, well, let's go. Why not? Yeah. Well, heck, why not? So everyone knows this. There's rules to films. Universal rules. You know, like. Oh, I missed my cue, by the way. Oh, there's a cue? Oh, you should be playing different music. I should be. Well, you know what? Just do like the, what are they called? The mix masters do.

[00:07:32] No, no, I do it hard and fast. It's just. Oh, okay. There we go. So anyway, where was it? Oh, yeah. Rules. There are rules in film. Yes. Universal rules. You know, like traditional rom-coms have a set structure that all French movies have nudity.

[00:07:53] And if a German film has a German sex party in it, which they mostly do, it's a party worth going to. Okay. So I may have been proven wrong that maybe I'm saying a very rare maybe that French films don't have nudity. They don't always have nudity. Pretty much everyone has nudity. A good chunk of them. I proved you wrong last year. You did. You did prove me wrong, which I was.

[00:08:23] I mean, we almost got nudity because there was dudes in underwear, but it was, it wasn't like, I was disappointed because I'm like the French, you can usually rely on their nudity. And what I say to that is, vive la France. And the other rule, and you can check this or you can wreck this, is that unicorn films are guaranteed to deliver movie magic. And this film is no different.

[00:08:50] It's got lots of tropes. We have seen a million times before monster movie tropes, dad and daughters that are estranged and they have to bond over it. A dead mom, you know, blah, blah, blah, blah, trope, trope, trope, trope. But unlike with all the tropes, we got pretty okay CGI unicorns murdering people.

[00:09:20] And as one of the characters who happens to admit that she is a size queen says, with their girth some horn. The humor in this was over the top and tongue in cheek. And it was just painting fun at the evils of pharmaceutical businesses and rich people.

[00:09:45] The cast in this was incredible, especially Shep, mom and dad. And then of course, Griff, the butler. Oh, he's so good. Oh my God. Griff is so good. Now, Jen Ortega and Paul Rudd were, you know, they're just them. Which they basically are just like they are usually in most of their films. They're okay. They're fine. They didn't take away from the film. They didn't take away from the movie, but you could have replaced. They didn't make it better though.

[00:10:15] They did not make it better. And, you know, I think we're both okay with Paul Rudd. Like, we don't despise him. Jen Ortega, I think we're a little bit hot and cold on her sometimes. I think she's a little one note sometimes, but, you know, they were okay in this. They're fine. Like you said, you didn't take away from the movie. No. They didn't add anything. They didn't take it anywhere. Net zero. They were just there. For the most part, this is like any other monster movie.

[00:10:43] But we get magical unicorns, which is what we might expect. But this was a fun ride with unicorns magically bringing people back from the dead, killing people and curing people of cancer. There is nothing that unicorns cannot do. That's the biggest one. Yeah. That they do. Of all the stuff you can cure. I don't know. Well, they brought people back from the dead. So I think that's better than curing cancer. Is it? No, I think so.

[00:11:13] Because if, I mean, if you've got cancer, you can still live. But if you're dead, you're dead. Did they bring people back from the dead? Yeah. They brought Paul Rudd back from the dead. Oh, yeah. They brought everybody back from the dead. They were bringing a lot of people back. He wasn't dead. He was just like almost dead. So, yes, like the rules of film, Death of a Unicorn was mondo. No, I'm kidding. It was mad.

[00:11:40] Just like nudity in French films, sometimes the rules of the film aren't a rule, but more of a guideline. But the rule is it does follow the monster movie plot. So think Jaws, but with a unicorn. Or maybe like Jurassic Park, but with a unicorn. Or maybe Godzilla, but with unicorns.

[00:12:07] So unfortunately, story magical CGI unicorns, you were not as good as you could have been. You were a meh. And I got a few unpackings, but what do you got to say about? Yeah. I mean, the best part of this was the family. You know, they made this whole thing worth watching. Will Poulter was awesome. Taylor was awesome. And Richard E. Grant is always awesome.

[00:12:36] I mean, he's always so good in every role. And I mean, he kind of plays the same guy a lot. He does. But he's very good at it. He'll never let you down. His How to Get Ahead in Advertising is still one of my favorite movies of all times. And he is just brilliant in that. So yeah, and Tia Leone has never been better. I mean, this is somebody that you go into a movie going, oh, how is she going to wreck this? Yeah. She was actually one of the bright points of the movie. That was one of my unpackings.

[00:13:05] I was like, when have you ever gone to a movie and said, you know what I'm hoping for? I'm hoping Tia Leone will be in this. But after seeing this, she is fucking funny as hell. She was very good in this. It was a fun romp. It really was. But there were some points where I'm like, eh. And Paul Rudd and I think Jen Ortega maybe did actually. I'm going to go back and say maybe not net zero.

[00:13:33] Maybe net minus a little bit. But. I don't know. They're just like, to your point, though, they're kind of just in it. The story is really wrapped around the family that they go there for. Yeah. And that's in there. They're just kind of placeholders. They're not really. Even though, you know, if you're going to say who starred in this or they're going to say, oh, Paul Rudd and Jen Ortega. But no, that's really not the case. The stars of this were.

[00:14:02] It was Walter Leone and Grant. And Griff. And Griff. The butler was. Griff was so good. I don't know if you've ever seen the TV series Barry. But he's in it. And he's unbelievably funny in it, too. Anthony Kerrigan's the dude's name. And he. I need to see him in more stuff. He just makes me happy. Yeah. But yeah, the movie was a lot of fun. But it wasn't, you know, by no stretch of the imagination, was it a perfect film.

[00:14:33] And I'm. I was OK with the CGI at the beginning, but it got a little. Yeah. I think it got a little tiresome at the end. And I will say, I hated the ending. Like, I really hated the ending. Do we. Does it need to be like a super happy ending every time? This was Death of a Unicorn with such dark humor. Yeah. And just dark. And we get this. It was kind of. I don't know. I didn't hate it as much because they ended up killing the corpse. So it's kind of.

[00:15:02] It was still dark. I guess. But just the fact that he comes back to life. And it's just like. Yeah, that part didn't need to happen. It was just silly. But I mean, that's the thing. It's a fucking magical unicorn. What do you. How else can they prove their magic but bringing someone back from the dead? Like, basically, unicorns are Jesus. Yeah. But it was a lot of fun. It was meh. I enjoyed it. But, you know. It was good. Yeah. It was a CGI fest. CGI fest. All right. So I think you got a button to press if you know where to press it.

[00:15:34] Let's see. Bryce knows how to press buttons here. Without the merman, we're kind of lost. We're a little bit. We have like 10 buttons. And then, you know. There's so many buttons. Okay. You look for buttons. I'm going to see if I can find our crackling. I don't know. Yeah. For some reason, we're getting a little bit of buzz, aren't we? Okay. Any luck there? No. Nope. That's not it.

[00:16:03] That's not it. There we go. Bryce is on fire, people. That's pretty good, right? Oh, yeah. Not bad. All right. We got women. No, not women. Woman. Whoa, man. In the yard. Yeah. So, what's the matter? Got music? I think it's me that's causing the buzz. You're kind of sometimes give me a buzz. You're electrically charged.

[00:16:33] So, this movie had potential of making this an amazing story of dealing with severe mental health trauma and keeping it vague enough that by the end, we could say, wow, this was a great original horror vision dealing with mental health trauma. Except, that is not what happens in this. I mean, it starts out pretty great.

[00:17:02] Some very well shot visuals and a character building story where we have lots of time to build these three characters. Them being mom, a teenage son, and a younger, maybe eight-year-old daughter. I love that. And they are all dealing with the recent death of the father.

[00:17:24] The suspense of putting the lady in the yard and having us being confused as to why worked, and I'm going to say, for a very short time. But then, they started throwing all this intentional confusion that, for the most part, made no sense. And then, right up until close to the end, even, with all the rules, and I'm putting this

[00:17:49] in heavy quotes, we are introduced to, could be explained if they kept the mental health part of the story as the plot and made the story just about that. But, of course, it's Blumhouse, so they didn't. They kept the whole concept of supernatural stuff, which conflicted itself multiple times throughout the film.

[00:18:12] I had so much hope for this, and really, it was a case of, what can pull this out and make a fantastic ending? They could have saved this film a little bit by creating a self-portrait of our leads, mental health being manifested, but they didn't. As we, it just couldn't save itself. It could have almost made it to a map, but it didn't make it there.

[00:18:40] Because what it did was, had me question pretty much all the weirdness and looking at how they integrated the mental health side of the story with, and I'm putting the heavy quotes, ghost part of that, that didn't do well at all. So, I'm sorry, woman in the yard. You should have stayed in the yard instead of making me rage. I had so much hope for this. I was enjoying the whole mental health side of this story. In fact, I was really enjoying it.

[00:19:10] But then when they, like, they get to the end, it's another case where if they would have made it that the kids didn't have a clue what was going on, it was all in the mom's head. It could have come out, but the ending just got stupid. And it drove me to a rage. Yeah, woman in the yard. I mean, it's a well acted, very well shot movie. It looks good. Yep. The problem is just the points you're making.

[00:19:40] There's these weird inconsistencies. It's like they make up a rule and then they don't follow through with the rule. And it just makes a whole mess of a movie by the end of it where you're like, okay, was I supposed to ignore that? Was that all in her head there? Did any of this happen? It's very confusing by the end because if it's to make any sense at all, you have to

[00:20:07] basically put it there that none of this actually happened. And they don't set it up that way, though. And they don't go there. So it's a shame is what it is because there's some good stuff in this. But it's so frustrating that at the end of it, you're just like, why? Just why? Yeah.

[00:20:34] There's been some really good movies, let's just say, in the history of horror films where you kind of don't know what's happening. And that's cool. Yeah. If they do it well. And they also have it that, you know, it's kind of answered at the ending. It's not like an M. Shyamalan type ending. No. It's kind of the opposite of that. It's like you kind of know and see what's happening. But then by the time you get to the end, you're like, okay, this could be saved.

[00:21:01] Like if they would have done things, I don't want to spoil it because some people might like this movie, I guess. And there's even like, it's just a, it's a weird movie where, you know, they've, they, they establish that they need to be in the dark and then the kid turns on a flashlight. Yeah. And this entity ends up there because now it's in the light. Yeah. And nobody's saying, turn off the flashlight. Yeah. Like just say, Hey kid, turn off the flashlight. Yeah.

[00:21:31] And then they, they kind of go, but then they go, they go in different directions in there. And it's just like, they've lost all the, it was like, what now the people are missing. And like, it was like the, now we went out of the, um, the mom's head into the girl's head. And it was just like, it, it was, it lost a lot of focus and it lost a lot of credibility as the film went on. It was, it was, it was a rage. It literally by the end made me angry because of the potential that was there and they just

[00:22:01] wasted it. Complete wasted potential. Yeah. What was that one? And remember the film with, um, one of Murray's favorite actresses, um, that was, um, she ran those old folks homes. Remember? Um, I care a lot. Oh yeah. Yeah. Remember?

[00:22:27] It's kind of similar thing to that where, and it's not really cause the mental health stuff was in there, but it was like, it was going in a certain direction. And then the ending was just like, it was looking like it was going to be, it was going to be good. And then the ending comes and she turns into a super woman and it's just like, it was just like, what is like you were making a good movie. And then all of a sudden, all right. So, um, Bryce has already spoiled this for everybody, but this movie is my favorite film of this year.

[00:22:57] And in fact, I've seen this twice now in cinema because I went and saw it with Bryce. I'm not going to say when, but then I went back the next night and watched it with my wife. So this, this movie, I think is, this is definitely making my top 10 and I will own this movie. I'm going to say right off the bat that I will, this is a movie that I will go back to again and again and again and again and watch it.

[00:23:23] And I don't watch movies again and again, other than Dawn of the Dead and maybe a couple other zombie movies, but this is one I definitely will watch when I'm not feeling good about my mental health or I'm feeling low or this is the movie I'm going to go to. You're going to get your French steward on. You're going to get my French steward on. What's the movie called, Jim? It's called Bob Trevino Likes It. This film is one that does something that is very rare.

[00:23:49] It balances comedy with dread and friendship and healing and unconditional love and makes one of the greatest heartwarming films I've seen since my favorite cake from last year. I absolutely, when I say I loved and adored this film, I am not kidding. When I wasn't laughing myself into tears, I was crying myself into tears from sadness and

[00:24:17] then also from warmth and what true friendship can look like. We had a very lonely and broken young woman who has a dad that is probably the most narcissistic and horrible father that has ever been portrayed in a film. And so she goes online and after her father disowns her, tries to find a replacement on Facebook

[00:24:44] with the same name who ends up being the greatest thing that could happen to her in her whole life. And in a very short time, these two lost souls become each other's chosen family. That brings healing and strength to one another in a way that makes them grow self-esteem and changes them in ways they probably never thought were possible until they met each other.

[00:25:12] Everyone, and I mean everyone in this film, was incredible. The film, I can see being one of those films that it, everybody should see this film. That's all I'm going to say. Everybody should see this film. I loved it. Again, I think it's the best film of this year. It might make my number one unless something can beat this out. I just loved it. I have a bit of unpacking, but what did you think? Pretty much ditto.

[00:25:38] This was such an enjoyable film and it takes you on a roller coaster ride. You will laugh. You will cry. You will, you'll just, and there's so much positivity that comes out of this film too. And it is one of those movies that if you're feeling down, this movie will lift you up. It will absolutely lift you up.

[00:26:05] And not like a, you know, corny rom-com way. A real down-to-earth way that's actually has substance. It will, changing your soul. It will, it will. And it's, there is just so much good in this movie and so much, it just puts joy in your heart. Like it really does. And, you know, French Stewart has never been better. I can't, and he wasn't even the best thing in this movie. Yeah.

[00:26:34] But the fact that I hate French Stewart. I know you do. And he is so good in this. He's so good. My goodness. He plays the sleaziest deadbeat dad. Most horrible. He's just an awful, awful person. And he just nails it. I don't think anybody could have done it better. French Stewart. Man, I didn't think you had it in you.

[00:26:58] But you got to talk about the actress, or act, the actor, Barbie Ferreira. Yeah, Barbie Ferreira. So she's actually a plus-size model. Yeah. Like she, but you would not know that from looking at me. She did not have an easy life. She had a horrible life. There's this scene where she goes to the counselor. She finally, you know, brings herself to go to the counselor. And she's just, everything that comes out of her mouth is just so natural.

[00:27:27] And it seems so real. Yeah. And she's basically telling her story. And she's kind of just going, yeah, but, you know, it was kind of my fault. And this and that. And going through it. And then they cut to the counselor. And she's bawling her eyes out. You know what the weird thing is? They cut to that. They cut to the counselor. She's bawling her eyes out. Me and you just let out like the loudest laugh because it was so funny. It was so funny. And nobody else in the theater was laughing.

[00:27:55] I felt like standing up and going, what is wrong with you? This is hilarious. There is a lot of funny in this. And just like, but, you know, the funny thing about it. And like, even with John Leguizamo's dad jokes, like, you know, by watching it a second time, you know, I highly suggest you should, you know, if we didn't have six movies to see next week, I would say see this again in theaters. Because every single thing that happens in this, you know, it's one of those things that this director,

[00:28:26] and we'll talk about her in a second. But the director does things where they put little tiny things in the movie and every single one of those things comes back later in the film. Like there's not one thing that a seed is planted that it doesn't come back. So you see the counselor and then you get to see the counselor again. The dad jokes are coming from Leguizamo. It's the inside joke between the two of them.

[00:28:53] And even when, I'm not going to say anything, but, you know, when she comes back and tells the dad joke to him, right? It's like, it's just these little tiny things. And then there's a scene where, you know, he blows her mind where he goes to the hardware store and she was thinking, oh my God, like he brought all these things to help me out. Or she doesn't know this yet. And she's pulling out all her credit cards. And she's like, well, I have to put a bunch of different charges on. It's got like 10 cards and they're probably all maxed.

[00:29:22] And then she says, well, your dad already paid for it. And like just the look on her face, like just little things like that. But during the checkout there, there's a scene where he's saying, do you have one of those flashlights that you wind up? Like you didn't want to have her have to pay for batteries because she knew that she didn't have money. And so five scenes later, she's in the basement. She's got the wind up flashlight.

[00:29:49] It's like little things like that that just makes this such, such an incredible story. And the director, if you can believe it, she hasn't done, I think this might be her first film. By the way, little shout out real quick to Lauren Lolo Spencer as Daphne. Oh, yeah. So I've never seen her in anything before. No, never either. She is also amazing. Like everybody was just amazing in this movie. Short, short.

[00:30:18] By the way, it's Mondo. Oh, yeah. You said Ditto. I did say Ditto. So, yeah. This is her first feature. It looks like. Yeah. There's no mixed single signals. Oh, no, it's a short too. There you go. Yeah. Also go. Yeah. For her first feature to put something out and she wrote it too.

[00:30:44] So I've, I don't, I've not very often that we see one film from somebody and they instantly get out into my favorites, but I will be watching for Tracy Lehman like for years to come. This is so good. Go see this movie. Yeah. No matter how you can see it. Like just, just go see it. Yeah. You got a button there? I do. I do. That's it. Oh, man.

[00:31:14] You know how to press my buttons. Tell you. I'm getting, I'm getting so good at this. Yeah. I haven't done it in like two months. Marie can stay in Vegas. Yeah. Here we go. Okay. This one's going to be a real quick review. It's called A Working Man. We call him a working man. Um, I want to say this is a Sly special. Sylvester Stallone special. It's special already. The 1980s called.

[00:31:43] They want their awful plot and rage inducing script back. This movie was horrible. And when I say horrible, as much as when Bryce goes to see a movie where he's squirming, this made me squirm from like the first five minutes. I was squirming in my chair, getting angry at the screen. I have never seen a film as bad as this. And I like Jason Statham. Like I like him.

[00:32:10] He's one of those people that in the movie, it's kind of like if Jason Statham's in it, I'm at least going to watch it. Yeah. I have nothing else that I want to say about this, except this was a rage. I don't want to give this any of my valuable words other than the word rage. I fucking hated this film. It's horrible. This is the worst script that's ever been written. And it's got Sly Stallone 1980s written all over it. It does. It's by the way, Sly wrote it.

[00:32:38] He, it was, I, he should have directed it too. That one would have been really good. No. So the movie starts and honestly, I mean, it's very formulaic and it starts and the dialogue is so awful that initially I was having a good time at the start of this. It was so bad.

[00:33:00] It was funny for me, but that only lasted about 25 minutes and then it got tedious and then it got infuriating. And by the end, I'm like, what the, why would you make this? This, this was God awful. I Jason Statham, please. Next time Sly Stallone picks up the phone and says, do you want to be in my movie? Just say, no, you're better than this. Yeah.

[00:33:28] You are absolutely better than this. You can be big time action star. I like some of your action movies. Yeah. Just stop doing stuff like this and stay away from Sly Stallone. Yeah. The guy is just garbage. Everything he's done with Sly has been horrible. Yeah. Right? He did all those. Expendables. Expendables. Garbage. Go back and hang out with Guy Ritchie. No kidding. Like at least his hope there. Yes. Yeah. So yeah, no, this was a huge rage and there's no need to talk about it because it's just. Horrible.

[00:33:58] It's just garbage. It's absolute garbage. This is like something you see on TV. It's fun on any level. Like I can't imagine anybody going to this and go and getting their action on even. It's just like, it's so bad. Can we say how much we love Michael Pena? And he was horrible. Oh God. He was like, I've never seen him act as bad as he was in this film. The worst part is I couldn't fall asleep. I thought for sure it was the third movie of the night. I thought I was going to fall asleep for sure. I tried to fall asleep. I tried. But my rage, my rage was too boiling.

[00:34:28] God awful. Please stay away from working man. It is not good. All right. But here's a movie that you probably should see. It's called The Penguin Lessons. Yes. This movie pulls out all the stops and has all the usual tropes. This is a bit of a tropey episode this week with a bunch of tropes going on that we usually get from biopics. I mean, it's got kids.

[00:34:56] It's got that are, you know, learning a lesson. They've got the crusty old teacher who also needs learning as well. Yeah. As well as, you know, saving. Everybody comes out better at the end. Yep. And it's got politics. It's got old ladies making a difference. And of course, it's got something that most biopics don't have, which is penguins. Yep. Okay.

[00:35:24] So not all of these tropes are necessarily what's making this film. But it does have some of these tropes for sure, especially with the kids and their typical subplot portion. I got tired of the kids at the beginning. I was like, okay, when he first comes in and they do all that kids are assholes bit, that's been done so many times. It was kind of annoying to me actually when it first started.

[00:35:50] But I mean, it's kind of needed to bring you where you get to it. Um, so yeah, that the kids part was kind of annoying. Um, but this was funny and has the incredible Steve Coogan in this, whose dry wit and delivery is at the top of his game in this.

[00:36:11] The only thing that, um, you know, is with most biopics, it, it, it has robust characters. Like these characters were all robust. The, whereas most biopics, that's not necessarily the case. They'll have like one character that the story is about that is robust, but every character in this is super well developed.

[00:36:33] Um, from the kids to the lead to all the secondary cast, what lessons do we learn? Many, but as a theme, we get that one person, or in this case, a penguin who can change the lives of everybody, uh, that it comes in contact with. And sometimes the best counselor is someone who can just listen, allow ones to release their pain and sorrow and also smell like rotting fish.

[00:37:03] Um, so, oh yeah. He also happened to be a penguin that couldn't talk. So that helps. This has all the makings of most biopics in it, that it tells a story of this wonderful wounded man who meets other wounded people and we get closure and healing and rehabilitation, but we also get these great characters that I fell in love with.

[00:37:28] And like, um, like most biopics, uh, it, I kind of test this on the blubbering idiot scale. So if I got to a complete blubbering idiot, this could have made it to a mondo, but it made it to a high man because my blubbering idiot level didn't get there as high as it should have been for this film. Um, cause apparently maybe it's cause it's a biopic. So I really, really, really, really liked it.

[00:37:55] It didn't get to a mondo cause I wasn't a complete blubbering idiot by the time I got to the end of it. So it was a man. High man, but still man. Yeah. Uh, the penguin lessons, as you say, it's, it's, it really is very tropey. It's very, it's, it's a, it's a story that even though it's based on, based on a true story, I mean, there's stuff in here that I know it didn't happen, but it's, it's very formulaic.

[00:38:21] And there is just, even though it's about a penguin, that's the only original thing in it. It's not original in any way. We've seen this story a thousand times, as you say, everybody learning a lesson by the end and everybody, they're all better for knowing each other. And they're in there. And at the end of it, you're like, yeah, but it was very well done. Yeah.

[00:38:48] Even though I've seen this a thousand times before, it was so well acted. It was so funny that it was absolutely worth watching. Um, and Steve Coogan, my God, I mean, he, he, he's never bad. He's always excellent. I really enjoy, I'm getting to the point where I see that he's in a movie and I want to see it. Yeah, totally. And it took a while and I don't know even know why it took a while. I don't know if he's in a lot of films though. He's in enough.

[00:39:18] We haven't, yeah, but I mean, we don't get a ton though. Yeah. Maybe we don't get it here. Maybe he's doing more made for TV stuff. I don't know. Cause I mean, even if you go back to like Hamlet too, come on. Hamlet too is so good. It's so good. So, but yeah, um, the penguin lessons, I mean, and the penguin, let's talk about the penguin. The penguin's brilliant. He was the best. He was so good. Of all the penguins we've seen in this last year. I think we've seen, this is like our third penguin film. It's at least our second. I don't think, I don't think we've seen three.

[00:39:48] But this penguin and this one outacted that other penguin so badly. It's ridiculous. Having said that, the other penguin movies. It was pretty good too. It was pretty good. I have seen that now too. Yeah. It wasn't as good as this one. Yeah. But, um, yeah. They were both meh. Apparently if it's a penguin movie, it's meh. It's going to be meh. It's going to be meh. At least meh. No, at least meh. Yeah. But, uh, yeah, this, this was meh. It was a very enjoyable meh. I also, you know, I got a lump in my throat, but there were no tears.

[00:40:18] Coming out by the end. So, yeah. Babbling idiot. So, but so good. And oh my goodness gracious. The, uh. The mother. The mother. Yeah. Maria. Maria is the best. I mean, how do you not love this lady? Oh dear lord. Well, you're going to hear more about that. Yeah. Yeah. Coming up. So be aware. All right. Yep. So yeah. Uh, meh. Hi, meh. Really, really enjoyed it. Nice. Awesome. Got buttons to push. Yeah, I know.

[00:40:47] We're, we're like batting a thousand today. Did we agree on everything? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's disappointing. Both of us meh. Both of us rage. Hold on. Both of us mondo. Yeah. It's kind of disappointing when we, you know, I love it when we have a rage all out. I love it when one of us rages and the other one Mondo's. So I was like right a hundred percent of the time. Nice. I think you were too. I was too, except I may have been wrong with this one, but we'll find out. We will find out.

[00:41:15] So this was a special screening we got with our friends from Cuff. From Cuff? Oh, well, let's just. Yeah, you got some new music to play? Yeah, let's play some Cuff music. All right. Let's just enjoy it for a second. All right. It's groovy. Groovy, baby. See how much we love Cuff? We even gave them special music. They even have their own music. Nobody else has their own. Oh, no, that's not true. Sip also has their own music. Yeah, but, you know, here's the thing.

[00:41:42] We are very connected to these film festivals because we attend them all. Yes. And we're lucky enough to know a lot of people at these two festivals. So check out CalgaryUndergroundFilm.org. Their festival is coming up. April 17th to the 27th. They have a documentary festival this year, which will be November 19th to the 23rd.

[00:42:05] So go check out their website because you can see a lot of the amazing films are going to be showing here in April, later in April. But we got to see the movie Cloud. So Cloud is a story of a counterfeit reseller who recently quit his tedious factory job, decides to make a go at full-time reselling. Hmm. Yes.

[00:42:34] And maybe fake merchandise, but sometimes it was real. Sometimes it was. Sometimes it wasn't. Yeah. Into the cloud. The pacing is very slow burn feel with an escalating frenzy of action, murder, and mayhem where we learn great life lessons.

[00:42:56] Like, don't trust women who seem that their only goal is to be able to quit their job and use your credit card. That would be a bit of a red flag for me. Also, and probably the best lesson is that you can never, and I say never, put a price of the value of a good assistant. You know, like one that will, even after you fire him. That he's still got your back.

[00:43:23] He's still got your back and he will come back and help you. You just have to ask. Oh, also that he will kill everybody to keep his job and help you make money. I really enjoyed this. The build was really slow build, but it just got a tad draggy for me because the finale, which I think, if it was maybe 10 minutes shorter, it could have maybe saved this pacing a little bit for me.

[00:43:52] The film could have been a mondo, I think, if they cut out 10 minutes of this. But because it felt that long and draggy as it went through it, it gets a very high map. And I'm going to say mostly because like they kind of save all the action for the most part to the very end, which is normally okay. And it's a Japanese film. So usually Japanese action films have a lot of good plot and character developments, which this does.

[00:44:20] The problem that I had with it is that they're in a space that's not that big of a space. And they've got like all these bad guys. And it's just like, it's almost like you're, it's a video game. They're like, well, this bad guy's in this room. And then this other guy, so he has to kill. They have to kill the person in this room to move to the next room, but they're really in the same room. So I'm like, where are all these guys when all the gunfire is going off? Like it was kind of irritating me as the movie was coming to the end.

[00:44:49] I was just like, all right, come on. Like you kill one person and then five, five minutes later, you're good. Oh, look, there's another person. Where were they hiding when the gunfight was going on? So I really liked it because I liked the build of the story. And I really did like the idea of the story, but I think it was a bit draggy. And yeah, it's a meh for me. Yeah. Cloud. Cloud. Yeah. Cloud. Cloud. Not cloud.

[00:45:19] Cloud. It was cloud. It is a slow burn of a movie. There's no question. Which you usually love. And as I'm watching it, I was really, really enjoying it. Yes. Okay, good. Like me. Yeah. But as we got into like the 90 minute mark. No. And then finally stuff started happening. And then I actually wasn't as enthralled with the action sequences. No.

[00:45:48] A lot of it was okay. I like the very end of the movie. Yes, it was great. Which was great. But it's really, it really, to your point, needed to be, I think it needed to be about 20 minutes less. It was, it didn't need to be as long as it was for the story it was telling. Yeah. I don't know why we needed two hours and three minutes or whatever it was. It was over two hours long.

[00:46:15] But didn't, didn't, didn't all the killings were just like, that took up so much time. Yeah. They could have done that in like five minutes. Killed everybody. Yeah. Well, and they kind of, I mean, the, the, the action is pretty concentrated and it's just bang, bang, bang, bang, bang. But yeah, they still, yeah, they did drag that out a little bit longer than it needed to be. They also needed to, in the middle, they even need to cut out about 15 minutes.

[00:46:38] There was just, there was a lot of, like, I like a slow burn, but this was almost too slow at points where it's like, I don't think I need this scene. Yeah. The pacing kind of slipped a little bit. There's a few scenes where I'm like, I don't think I need this. And I, it's just making this a little tedious at this point. And then it completely redeems itself at the end, but. Which made it Mondo. I was right.

[00:47:07] But then it wasn't, it wasn't Mondo. Cause you know, you look at the whole shebang and it was, it was, it was, it's a high math. Yeah. And it was, and it's a cool story and it takes me into a world that I, you know, I really don't know much about cause I would never buy any crap like that online. I mean, you've got your fair share of stuff online. Yeah. But I'm sure there's lots of people that, you know, just buy a whole schwack of stuff. They see it where they can get a good price on it and then just flip it and see what they can do.

[00:47:35] I mean, people do it with houses for crazy sake. Yeah. But yeah, it was, it was really, it was really good. It's, I liked it a lot, but it wasn't, it was a man. Ah, well you got buttons to press. Yeah. So I was a hundred percent. You, you, you weren't. I wasn't a hundred only because I thought it was boring enough at times that you would like it. Yeah. That's usually my kind of, my kind of thing, isn't it? I usually. I do like really boring movies. Yeah. Yeah. Super boring. They're kind of awesome.

[00:48:05] And there was a lot of walking in this. There was, there was a fair amount of walking. Do we have a Merman minute by the way? No, we do not. We don't have a Merman minute even. He didn't even like send you something. No, he's too busy. He's doing what? Doing hookers and blow in Vegas. Oh, first birthday. He could set aside some time for a Merman minute. Well, when has he ever done a minute? That's true. Merman. Power. 27 minutes. Eh, well, anyways. So I guess we're moving on to.

[00:48:34] Temperature rising. Vision blurring. Rage. Taking over. Sweet, sweet rage.

[00:49:11] All right. So I want everybody to get out their phone, get out your computer, get out whatever you can have to go online and search this. Okay. So Bryce, you're standing there. You can look up something while I'm pulling this up. My computer's pretty slow. It's slow, but so are you. So it's kind of matches your personality. That wasn't very nice. Okay. Now, everybody pull the poster up for the penguin lessons.

[00:49:39] So go to IMDb, pull up the penguin lessons. Uh-huh. Now, by just looking at this poster, are you looking at the poster, Bryce? No. My computer's slow, I told you. Okay. Well, you should be able to find it. Do you want me to find it, Corey? Well, I think I know what the poster is. Okay. Okay. It's with the penguin walking behind him, right? No. Oh. No? No. Oh, the other one? Yeah. The main one. He's got two posters. But there's a yellow one that is the predominant poster. There's also the white poster. Yeah.

[00:50:08] But the yellow one, the one that's predominant. But what about the white poster? You take a look at it. I'm not looking at the white one. I'm looking at the one that we saw at the movie theaters. Was it at the movie theaters? Yes. I don't remember. The yellow one was at the movie theaters. Where did I see the white one then? I don't know. Probably online. Yeah. All right. That's exciting. Now, when you look at this poster. Okay. Who do you think this movie is going to be about? I don't know. I still have my computer. Okay.

[00:50:37] So you're going to think it's about Jonathan Pryce. Yeah. And Steve Coogan. Oh, absolutely. Yeah. I know the poster you're talking about. So, but it's wrong. It's about Steve Coogan and Vivian Al-Jabbar who plays Maria. Jonathan Pryce really is kind of a footnote in this. He's a footnote in this movie, but they have him on the freaking poster. They don't have her.

[00:51:02] Now, also, just try and find any information about Maria's character or Vivian Al-Jabbar. It's about Vivian and then E-L space J-A-B-E-R. Now, just try and find anything about her because guess what? You won't find anything. And she really is the co-star of this film, not Jonathan Pryce. That's my rage.

[00:51:25] This is another situation where this woman who was, in my opinion, on equal footing with Steve in this isn't on the poster, isn't, I mean, they could have, you got a cute little penguin on it. You have a crotchety old grandma-like lady who's, you know, somewhat the comedy relief at times, but also she's the heart of this film. And she's not on the poster. You can't find her anywhere.

[00:51:54] It's just a travesty. That is a travesty. It is. That's my rage this week. That's a good rage. Is that Jonathan Pryce, as much as I love Jonathan Pryce, this movie isn't his movie. It's Stevie's and it's Vivian's. Like, get her on the fucking poster. And on your white poster, is she on that one too? No, it's just Steve Coogan and the penguin. Yeah. And it should be her. And it's just the penguin following Steve Coogan on like a white background.

[00:52:23] Yeah. That's all it is. You can find nothing about her. Or like IMDb, whoever, maybe she doesn't have IMDb or someone doesn't. But somebody should be promoting this woman because she's amazing. Going into this movie, I never, I didn't see any of the posters or anything. And I didn't even know there was actually going to be a penguin in it, even though it's called The Penguin Lessons. You're right. Probably didn't. I probably just like, I was like, yeah, I wonder what this is going to be about. It's definitely not going to be about penguins because what the heck?

[00:52:53] We just saw a penguin. We just saw a penguin movie last year. I'm not going to put another penguin movie out this quickly. That's right. They did. There you go. That's my rage. That's all I got. That's good rage. Yes.

[00:53:34] Unfortunately, me. That's usual. I'm such a adult. Usually it's me that's raging about you. I buy a pass for the Calgary Underground Film Festival and Jim sends me repeated emails to go, have you got your opening gala ticket yet? Have you got your opening gala ticket yet? And I'm like, why would I need to buy my opening gala ticket already? Because it's showing on two screens. There's no way it's selling out. I got my pass on Thursday. I'm like Sunday morning.

[00:54:04] I'll get up in the morning and I'll get all my tickets for the week. So I got it all planned that for the Calgary Underground Film Festival, going to get all my tickets. The first thing that stares me in the face when I go onto the site is opening gala. Sold out, sold out. Both screenings. And I'm like, what? And I'm like, ah, Jim's right. I am an idiot. It's true. So my rage actually is that Jim was right.

[00:54:34] Which is, you know, he's finally realizing. Sometimes I get it right. Indeed. Those one out of a hundred times. You should listen. Indeed. Rage. All right. Our list. So if you have never heard our podcast before and you tuned in to hear what we thought of

[00:55:03] the Penguin Lessons or Bob Trevino likes it or Death of a Unicorn, who knows? Go check out our website at filmrageyyc.com and go to our page called The List. On there, you'll find five lists. You will find mesmerizing, repulsive, doubted, undoubted, and once mesmerizing but no longer mesmerizing.

[00:55:28] And so The Murr gave us a film to watch for last week and it was called, what was it called? Nine Months or something like that? Nine Months, yeah. Yeah. And he said, Jeff Goldblum is in it with Robin Williams. So immediately I thought to myself. I thought we lost Jeff Goldblum. I think that Jeff Goldblum's no longer on the mesmerized list. So then being the smart young man that I am, I went onto our website, looked at the lists,

[00:55:58] scrolled through all the people that are mesmerizing, and guess what? Jeff Goldblum is not on that list. And then you scanned the one- Very intelligently did not watch Nine Months. What about you, Jim? Did you do the same? No. And so what I did was I watched the movie, which stars Huge Grant. Yes. Back when he was Rom-Com Central. And what's her face?

[00:56:26] God, what the hell's her name? I don't even remember. It's Julianne Moore. Ah, there you go. Yeah. And they were both repulsive in this. Like repulsive. Like you and I have talked about how much we love Huge Grant now. And that we've talked about, you know, maybe he's, we should go back and look at some of his earlier films to maybe to see if he's truly mesmerizing. Because he's been mesmerizing for the last 10 years. Yeah. By far. He crushes everybody in his wake. Yep.

[00:56:56] Well, I can 100% tell you that even if Jeff Goldblum wasn't off our mesmerized list, he would be after this movie. And the same thing is with Robin Williams. He's horrible in this movie. And the two of them, the two leads are also horrible. Like, I mean, outlandishly horrible. And I remember seeing this. It really is such a stellar cast. It is. And they're all horrible. They're just in a very, very bad movie. And they brought nothing to it.

[00:57:26] Like, I remember watching this. Oh, you don't remember it as well as I remember. Oh, no, I don't. Because I've forgotten most of it. I saw it when it came out. I remember how, I remember it was awful. That's, and that's all I need to do. It's, it's painfully awful. Yes. So needless to say, we don't have to worry about Jeff Goldblum anymore. But what I want to put forward is, I want to put Steve Kukin on as mesmerizing.

[00:57:53] Can you see why he shouldn't be mesmerizing? No. I will honestly say that whether it's a drama or a comedy or he is always the guy you're going to be watching when he's on screen. There's no question. Yeah. Oh, yeah, I agree. All right. Well. Put him on. He's on. And so, like, if we think of film that he's been in, he was in The Lost King.

[00:58:24] Just picking things recently, obviously. He's been in a lot of TV stuff. The Trip. Oh, The Trip he's so good in. The Trip to Greece. The Trip to Greece he's so good in. The Professor and the Mad Men. He's kind of just playing himself in The Trip. Unfortunately, he's in Holmes and Watson, but we won't hold that against him. He had to get some money, I guess. Stan and Ollie. Yeah. He was in Irreplaceable You.

[00:58:54] Ideal Home. He plays a recurring character in Despicable Me franchise as well. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Yeah. No. Okay. I'm glad that you agreed. Yeah. Okay. So, the one I also want to bring up, Eric Roberts. Because we talked about him last week. For what? For Doubted. Oh, for Doubted. Yeah. Well, he's in 9,000 Things. How can you even keep it straight? There's no way I've seen any of them. I'm not going to...

[00:59:22] If I got to sit here and watch like nine or eight freaking Eric Roberts movies. Yeah, but we've made this rule before for people that are doubted. We don't have to do that. Well, yeah. I mean, with this many... We have to have seen a reasonable amount, though. We can't just... Well, like Murray, I've seen a lot of his films because I preview for film festivals. So, yeah.

[00:59:52] He is literally in every movie that's made every year. Yeah. And he's horrible. He is that. He's in a movie called The Arkansas Pigman Massacre. Nice. Kung Fu Slayers. How can The Arkansas Pigman Massacre not be a mondo? Now I want to watch it. It's coming... Oh, sorry. Maybe it's coming out this year.

[01:00:23] That's exactly... He's in like 72 movies in the last two years. Yeah, well. All he does is work. I know. That's why he's a tough guy to... Okay, maybe we just got to see two movies in the last year. Arkansas Pigman Massacre. I kind of want to see it. Kung Fu Slayers. I mean, just the names of his movies are awesome. He was in Birdman, too. Remember when we saw that? Yeah.

[01:00:48] The company we keep, City of Demons, when it rains in LA? The one that he may... Although he has to be in it for five minutes. One, two, three, four, five... What is this? There's a movie called The Confession, which is a French film, which is probably one that we might... One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine... Okay, we're in April.

[01:01:15] We're just going into April, and he's already got nine movies out in 2025. Of which I've seen one. Okay, well, let's watch The Confession if we can see it. It's the one that seems to have the most hubbub. It's got a high rating. It's got a high rating in it. Here's the thing. If it's... Okay, here's the... Let's... We're going to do this. Yep. But we're going to watch The Confession. Yep. Okay. And if it's Mondo... And if it's Mondo, obviously he's off. Yeah.

[01:01:43] If it's meh, we got to watch something. One above or one below. Now, I wonder if this is actually out yet, because it says 2025 release. That's a darn good question. At least it's not long. It's an hour and 33 minutes. So it's got that going for it. And it's French, so it's probably going to have some nudity. Yeah, that's what you keep on saying. It's got Hansel Ramirez in it. I kind of like that guy. Yeah.

[01:02:13] It might not be bad. I know. He might make it all the way to Mondo. It might. All right. I'm not saying we're going to watch this for next week. Yeah. We'll see if we can find it. We're going to see if we can find it. And yep. We'll see. But yeah. So basically Eric Roberts is on deck for doubted. Yes. And hopefully the confession. Hopefully the confession is just a rage and we can just stop this idiocy.

[01:02:43] I doubt it, though. It's got almost a nine out of ten. Unless it was just nine people watched it. The director and the cast. So do a bunch of Christian conversion films. True that. I wouldn't put too much into that. I hear you. I'm sorry. I just got to see the Arkansas Pigman Massacre. This is. Yeah. I think this is going to be. The greatest movie ever made. It might be. You know what the tagline for it is? What?

[01:03:12] He will gut you like a pig. Is it a biopic? I don't know. But I mean, it's put out by Bayview Entertainment. So how can it be bad? I don't even know what that is. Yeah. Me neither. Oh, my God. Looks like it's maybe based on a true story. That's the mark against it. Yep. In 2004, two 12-year-old girls embark on a camping trip in the remote woods with Big Brother Dylan. Wow. Wow. Wow. All right.

[01:03:42] Well, stay tuned, people, for Eric Roberts updates. Yes. Yes. And welcome Steve Coogan to Mesmerizing. Yeah. That's exciting for Steve, I'm sure. Yeah. Yeah. So if anybody knows Steve, let him know. He's mesmerizing now. Yeah. He may not know. He may not know. Yeah. That's what we're here for. We're here to give the good information. That's right. Help you know stuff. Yes, indeedy. Is that it for the list? Yeah.

[01:04:12] That's it. All right. Last week on Rage or Dare, Bryce pulled from Jim's evil bag of Deborah Messing films. Wait, there's enough of those to fill a bag. Anyway, he picked the 2005 film The Wedding Date.

[01:04:37] This week, it's Jim's turn to Rage or Dare or, if we're all very, very, very lucky, to Casey. Let's check in on our B-Baby boy Bryce and see if he was wrong about his dislike of Deborah Messing films. I mean, based on the discussion of her catalog of work last week, Bryce should love this movie.

[01:05:01] It has Dermot Mulroney and a pre-Talladega Knights, pre-Tenacious D pick of Destiny, pre-Enchanted Amy Adams. What? Dermot Mulroney. Come on, Bryce. Dermot. Dermot Mulroney. Oh, Dermot, why have you forsaken me?

[01:05:31] This movie is Deborah Messing. Well, yeah, Deborah Messing's in it. And, oh my God, she's not a very good actress. Dermot Mulroney, he's actually fine in it. He's very charming. I don't know what to make of this thing. It was kind of hard to watch. There's some weird scenes where they're playing some sort of sport that I don't even know what they were.

[01:06:00] It wasn't cricket and it wasn't baseball. They're playing with some weird... Cracket? I don't know what it was. It was... Is there something called Cracket? I don't know. I'm just throwing out names. But, yeah, Amy Adams is absolutely repulsive in this. I... I don't know. Yay, yay, yay! I've never seen her in a movie where she was this young. She's probably like, I would guess 20, 21 in this. And, oh, she's awful. How did she get jobs after this?

[01:06:28] But, yeah, this movie is... It's not so god-awful that you're like going, this is like the worst thing I've ever seen. It's just... It's nothing. Like, it's so formulaic. There's just nothing. Like, why are you making this? Because... It makes no sense to me. You've got your...

[01:06:58] Basically, the whole thing is that Depper Messing's going... As Cat is going... Anytime you've got a character named Cat in the movie, you've already lost me. So, Cat is going back to... To have like... She's going to a wedding. And Dermot Mulrooney is like a gigolo that she's hiring to go to the wedding. You've never heard this plot before.

[01:07:23] Going to act as her boyfriend to make her ex-boyfriend jealous. Because he's going to be there because he's going to be the best man. Come and knock on our door. Like, this was like a Three's Company episode, but 90 minutes long. And worse. I'd rather watch Jack Tripper fumble through... It's like, that's how bad this was. With the Ropers? With the Ropers. Well, at least you get those...

[01:07:52] Or Don Knotts. What was Don Knotts' name in it? Mr. Furley. Mr. Furley. Yes. At least you get some funny facial expressions from Don Knotts. You got nothing funny in this. The only good thing in this was... There was nothing good in this. This was not good. But it wasn't so off... Like, it's one of those movies where you're watching it. And you know you're watching a total piece of crap. But it's just... It's basically just wasting your time. And that's how I felt. It was eating away at your soul. It was eating away.

[01:08:22] And it was... It's like, how did this get made? There's nothing here. There's no standout performance. There's no funny bit. There's no character that's quirky and adds something. Like, it's so blah. You're just like, what are they doing? What is this? It seems like it should have been a made-for-TV movie on the Hallmark channel.

[01:08:50] It should have been on Hallmark or W Network or whatever. It definitely had a made-for-TV vibe. And it was god-awful. It was a complete and utter rage. And it's just such a waste of time. Like, it's not the worst movie I've ever seen. It's just the most unnecessary movie I've ever seen. Like, there's nothing in it. It's like, why?

[01:09:18] We've got ourselves a bingo. Oh, god. Yeah, this is just... You're welcome. You know, we have to be careful what we say around each other. Because, you know what? That's been in my bag for quite some time. Yeah. When you were raging about Debra Messing on a movie from, like, three years ago. I was like, okay, I'm just going to remember that. I'm going to see if I can find some... It's funny because I just...

[01:09:46] We just watched a movie with Debra Messing where she was actually the best she's ever been. Yeah. And then I got to watch this. And then I was thinking, well, maybe she's not as bad as I remember. And she's worse. She's worse. All right. What'd you pick? Who'd you pick from? I pulled from Casey's evil bag of remakes. Ah, you're a wuss. You're a wuss. You know what you're getting when you pick from my bag. Yeah, well, yes. But what'd you get from Casey? I got The Mummy Tomb of the Dragon Emperor.

[01:10:15] What the hell is that? I don't know. Can you find it? The Mummy Tomb of the Dragon Emperor? The Mummy? I am very confused right now. Was this a movie that went to theaters? Tomb of the Dragon Emperor. Oh, it's a sequel to The Mummy. I didn't know it was called Tomb of the Dragon Emperor. Is that what it is? Yeah, it's Brendan Fraser. So it's number two or three or four? I think it's two or three or four. I don't know. I don't know how many they made. I love Brendan Fraser. He's awesome.

[01:10:44] And what's her name? What's her face in it? Academy Award winning actress? I don't think she ended up in this. I think they replaced her with Maria Bello. Oh, so it must have been three. Oh, that's three then. Here's the kicker though. You know who you do get? Ooh. You get Jet Li. Oh, baby. That's going to be a mondo. How could it not be? Jet Li's awesome. He's like literally the best Li. He is. L.I. He's the only good part. Well, there's no good part in the Expendable movies. No.

[01:11:13] He's almost watchable. Yeah, he's watchable in that. But if you can blank out everything else that's happening around him. Yeah, if you can watch the three minutes that he's in it and just not watch the rest, then you've done okay. Then it's like a three-minute show with Jet Li. Three minutes with Jet Li. That should be like a podcast. That's what the subtext should be called. You should have a weekly podcast that's three minutes long. Three minutes with Jet Li. Three minutes with Jet Li. He's a good guy. He's working hard. He's a good guy. He's hardy and working.

[01:11:43] Yeah. Anyway, so you are going to see The Mummy. The Mummy Tomb. Which apparently was called Tomb of the Dragon Emperor. I did not even know that that was it. I'm already looking forward to this. That was a thing. As much as I'm looking forward to Eric Roberts. Yeah, I think this was the third one because I think you had The Mummy, then you had The Mummy Returns, and then you got this Tomb of the Dragon Emperor thing. Dragor Emperor? I don't know that I've seen this. I probably must have, but... Well, I'll let you know all about it next week. Sounds good.

[01:12:14] Nice. Whoa! Thanks, Ragers, for listening. And thanks to the Extended Film Rage family you can find in our show notes. Thanks to Casey from the Nerdy Photographer for the voice of Rager Dan, our god of rage. Find us on social media everywhere at FilmRageYYC.

[01:12:42] Check out everything Film Rage at FilmRageYYC.com, including our merch site for Redbubble and TeePublic, where I was willing to make this Rager glass for all listeners, so please comment, like, subscribe, and send us emails to FilmRageCalgary at gmail.com. Dare to see terrible movies to fuel our rage. But no matter what you do, please, please, please, pretty please, please, please, please, make us rage. That's it for this week without our little merman. Happy birthday, Murr. Rage on!

[01:13:14] Rage on!