Episode 290 - Double De Niro equals exponential rage

[00:00:04] It's time to feel the rage! Welcome to Film Rage where we talk movies, in theaters, streaming and classic films as well. Directors and actors, beware as you cannot hide from the rage. My name is Bryce and I'm part of the Film Rage crew which also includes Jim. Hey there Jim. Hey, hey Bryce!

[00:00:25] You're awfully chipper. And also we have the Merman, bring it down a level. Hey Murr, you're wearing a heart t-shirt, what's that about? That's right. Did you go see him? I waited to see, I did the show. Yeah? Did they lock you outside this time or could you actually watch the show? No, we were backstage but they moved us about four times because security guards are idiots. Oh you can stand here. No wait, you can't stand here. No go stand there. And I'm like, are you fucking kidding me? Just let me stand somewhere. Let me stand somewhere. Did you get to sing Barracuda? I did not. I did hear Crazy.

[00:00:54] Crazy on you. Oh, there you go. Did they play, uh, well they obviously. I've been there for the last 20 minutes of it. What'd they do for an encore? Uh, I can't remember. Oh, Merman, I count on you for this information. The people want to know what Hart played for an encore in Calgary. People can go see them in concert then. Talk about Progressive though, because wasn't she in a wheelchair? She was in a wheelchair with an oxygen tank. That's, you know what, that's dedicated to your craft. But she was still wailing at all the tunes, so. Nice. So she's on an oxygen.

[00:01:24] Jen and still can wail. That's right. Cool. Kudos. Absolutely. I heard it was a good show. All right. So with the introductions out of the way, let's rage on. Well, thanks for all been supporting us. If you love our independent podcast, please like, subscribe, share, and give us a five-star rating on your listening platform. Or, support us and join the Film Rage community by joining our membership at buymeacoffee.com forward slash Film Rage YYC.

[00:01:52] If you cannot commit to a membership, you can still dare us to see a terrible film. And we'll watch it if it played anywhere in the world in a cinema. And we don't care what genre. Hmm. And we did get dared this week. Oh boy, did we. Did we ever. Now, let's dance our way out of here and get to raging. What the amazing moment predict?

[00:02:23] What the amazing moment predict? Will you predict? Joe will hear predict the mondo. Will you tell us all what Jim and Bryce are at the movies? Here it comes now. Kids better watch out. This merman swimming too. Ooh. Disney style, Disney style. Swimmery swim. Swim. Disney style, Disney style. Swimmery swim. Disney all the way to. Hearts are. Hearts are.

[00:02:55] I'm too tired to hate that song. Yeah, so we did a double feature last night. Yes. We did, as my industry calls it, a short turnaround. Yes, it was a short turnaround. But in some provinces and states, it would be illegal to bring you back to work eight hours later. Except, you still would have had time to make a poopin'. Yeah. Make the poopin' thing. Make the poopin'.

[00:03:20] Yeah, so the first one we saw was The Alto Knight starring Robert De Niro and Robert De Niro. Hmm. And maybe another Robert De Niro. I don't know. Possibly. I don't know how many there were. There were so many in there, I don't even know. Was Eddie Murphy in it? Eddie Murphy was not in it. Well, maybe he was. Maybe. He's a master of disguise. He is a master of disguise. But no, I did not see a lot of African Americans in this film. Yeah. Just a lot of Italians. Was there any African Americans? I don't remember. Was there any diversity in this film? There was just a lot of old Italian dudes.

[00:03:52] Yeah. I don't know about this one. It's Robert De Niro times two. So you get double your prisoner. Double De Niro. He's an old... That's like double money. ...geriatric, senile old gangster. Times two. And yeah, it's based on a true story, but on real people. I think you guys probably didn't like it very much. I barely liked it. So let's go double rage.

[00:04:23] Do you remember what I said to you midway through the movie? This is like the gangster version of Grandpa. Oh, yeah. War with Grandpa. Yeah, War with Grandpa. Yeah, it was a war with Grandpa. Except there was two of them. Yeah. Except you didn't get the one big laugh like you got in the War. That's true. I don't know. There were a couple of big laughs. Those dogs in mink coats were pretty funny. The dogs in mink coats, all the old Italian dudes running across the field, falling all over themselves. That was pretty damn funny.

[00:04:54] Yeah. Next up, the big movie, Snow White. Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs? Oh. It's just Snow White. They forgot that there were actually other people in this. Oh. I was there with you guys. Is there a Prince in it? No, there was not. The Prince was not in it. The Prince did not come, so to speak. I wish Prince music was in this, though. I wish Prince was in it. I mean, he'd still be alive and still making music. There you go. CGI'd him. Everything else was CGI'd. I don't want to CGI.

[00:05:24] I was there with these guys. What the real Prince? And Jim made us see it in Screen X because Bryce had never seen Screen X before. I'd never experienced Screen X. I was really looking forward to it. Yeah. You know what? I'll be extremely disappointed with you both if you don't both rage on this. So, yeah. It's a whole lot of rage this week. Nice. What are we talking about? The Alto... Alto Nights. Alto Nights.

[00:05:53] Now, it's Nights as in, like, Nights, but there was also, like, a restaurant or something that was Alto Nights. I'm pretty sure the restaurant did have a can, didn't it? Yeah. It was not Nights as in Nights. It was Nights as in Nights of the Round Table. It was like 1920s. It was like Lucky Luciano and Bugsy and all those guys. It's just called the Alto Nights because of the restaurant, Jim. Oh, you mean they... Their restaurant was closed. That's where they hung out. That's where they hung out, even though they never hung out there. They never hung out there. They never hung out there.

[00:06:19] They hung out in, like, candy shops and were turning poor kids away because they want to buy some candies. No, these two old men are having a little bitch session. Have a con fab in a candy store by themselves. So, well, Robert De Niro did something I never, ever thought was possible. He outdid John Travolta when he played Gotti by making a two times worse film about gangsters.

[00:06:48] I mean, when I was dared to see Gotti back a few months ago, I swore I would never see as bad a gangster movie. You're saying this is Gotti bad? And you're probably saying, but Jim, you know that Scorsese will probably make another gangster film. That's pretty much all he makes now, even if it's an indigenous gangster film. But instead of Scorsese, we get Barry Levinson directing Robert De Niro, but we get him playing two roles.

[00:07:17] And if you're thinking, oh yes, double the pleasure, the answer is no. It is not double my pleasure. I mean, what the fuck were they thinking by casting him in two roles? He's obviously the same person. His younger version of himself and his alter character look nothing alike. But as he ages, they look exactly the same. Is that like married couples? Yeah, they hung out a lot. Apparently Al Pacino was busy. Apparently. Apparently. Or what's the other guy that's like Al Pacino?

[00:07:47] That's, oh, um, what's his favorite? Andy Garcia? I always mix him up with Andy Garcia. Yeah, I don't know why. Because they're all terrible now. It's like they all have the same. Because they were both in Oceans movies? Maybe. You know what? It's just, this is ridiculous. Um, yeah. So they look nothing alike. And when I say boring, I mean this film was boooooooool. There was nothing interesting about anything that happens in this movie.

[00:08:16] And at no point did I care about one character or one thing that was happening through these two hours. And when I say sheer torture, I mean sheer torture. The only thing that I remotely liked, which I've already mentioned, is the two little dogs wearing mink coats. This was an exercise in frustration where we basically have two characters that don't even feel like gangsters who work for the mob. Where apparently the mob is made up of one person under the age of 70.

[00:08:46] Plus, and the boring and uninteresting and, did I say completely boring? Like this is so boring, uh, rage of a film. And, and I mean, how did they get hits done in this? Are we to believe that an 80 year old glasses De Niro is, and I'm putting in heavy quotes here, gangster enough to beat someone to death behind a hanging laundry sheet? Well, he had help. He wasn't there by himself. Yeah, but he was doing all the work.

[00:09:14] And obviously, he's too old. He's too old. He got old man strength. He's got, oh yeah, super old man strength. And then, he's wearing glasses. He's not wearing glasses. He's wearing glasses. He's not wearing glasses. He's wearing glasses. He's not wearing glasses. And then, he's wearing glasses. He's not wearing a hat. And then, he's not wearing glasses. Yeah. I didn't know who was who in this. Man, this was crazy. I couldn't tell the difference. When he was wearing glasses, thank God they had glasses.

[00:09:39] Because otherwise, I wouldn't have had a fucking clue which De Niro we were watching at any given time. Vito was more like Sicilian. He was darker. You know what? He was more street. What this was, was probably the worst gangster film I've ever seen since the Flowers of the whatever that Scorsese directed. This is horrible. Why are they making gangster movies? They're all terrible. They're all.

[00:10:03] And then, to make this something that is actually based on true life, it's just like, this was horrible. Like, just make a documentary or get a different person to play De Niro. Like, it's fucking stupid. Why did they do this? This is what De Niro, if he dropped dead tomorrow, is this what he'd want to be remembered by? Is this his legacy? By playing the same... This is horrible. I hated this. I hated... And when I say hated, I mean hated. And I don't even like gangster films.

[00:10:32] But this was worse than Gotti for me. At least Gotti. I could laugh. It's worse than Gotti? I could laugh at John Travolta. I could laugh at John Travolta. That was funny. Watching John Travolta play his same self 17 different times in Gotti, where he's like, he's the same. He's like 20 years younger, but he looks the same. And then he's 20 years older, and he looks the same. And yeah, this was... The man doesn't age. This was horrible. I don't know. Did you guys like this? What did you think of it, Murr? Let me go next. Okay, then.

[00:11:05] Geriatric gangsters. If you take De Niro's character Jimmy Conway from Goodfellas, and De Niro's character Sam Rothstein from Casino, age them both about 30 years, and then throw them back together again, you get Alto Knights. This was directed by Barry Levinson, a well-respected Hollywood legend. It was written by Nicholas Pileggi, who wrote Wise Guys that the movie Goodfellas was based on.

[00:11:34] So this should have been good, right? I mean, it was based on real people. Frank Costello and Vito Genovese were real gangsters that were part of Lucky Luciano's group all the way back to the 1920s. Their boss, Arnold Rothstein, is actually the genius behind the Chicago Blackhawks scandal to throw the World Series. This gang also included Bugsy Siegel, who basically founded Las Vegas.

[00:12:03] And Meyer Lansky, probably the shrewdest gangster of all time. Okay, history lesson over. Wait, can we just talk about your history lesson first? Did we get any of that really in this movie? And I've seen several movies and documentaries about these four guys, and yeah, this didn't really go over that much. Yeah, or when we went to the gangster museum. This was like what's left over when everybody else dies or goes to prison. Like when we went to the gangster museum in Vegas. Yes, the mob museum. That was pretty cool.

[00:12:28] What we got with this film was a bunch of over-the-hill, soon-to-be-irrelevant mob gangsters that don't know how to survive in the new world. Do we get a bunch of mob violence and blood in the streets? No. Instead, we get treated to a bunch of fat old Italian guys running through the meadow trying to escape an even older sheriff.

[00:12:51] Between that and the completely incompetent sidekick who couldn't even pull off a mob hit and is obsessed with the Mormons of New Jersey. That was actually a good scene. That was so stupid. I also liked, I actually liked Debra Messing, who was solid as Frank's understanding wife. She kind of reminded me of Ingrid Bergman, who I adore.

[00:13:14] So as much as this film was a boring-ass gangster rage, watching all the old fat guys scatter and fall down repeatedly made this a very low man. What? Yeah, I got some joy out of some parts, but yeah, it was, as gangster movies, it was terrible. Did you just pull a brace? I may have. You laughed for two minutes and then it turned from a rage into a meh? The last 20 minutes was funny. What happened to our Murray from last week?

[00:13:44] Oh, believe me, it's coming for the next movie. But yeah, no, like the last 20 minutes was ridiculous because all the gangsters of the whole freaking country come together and then they get caught and they try to escape. It's just so stupid. Yes, I agree. That movie was stupid. Yeah, it was almost a rage. But yeah, I enjoyed some parts of it. Murray, it's not almost a rage.

[00:14:14] Honestly, I didn't think Robert De Niro was bad in this. I actually thought his performance was fine. As you mentioned. His performance is as both. I thought they were both fine. I bought them as two different characters. I wasn't with you at all going who's who. I think you're making a little much of that. One was definitely darker skinned. One had glasses.

[00:14:40] No, they both talked completely different. So I don't know what you're talking about there. To Murray's point, Debra Messing was actually the shining star of this movie. Which I never thought you'd ever say. Yeah, because I do not like this lady at all. But I've never seen her actually try and act. And even though she didn't have a whole lot to do in here, she did all she could with this role. And she was very good. Catherine Narducci was good too as Anna.

[00:15:10] The loud mouthy one. It was like the two ladies. I would have rather watched a movie about those two ladies, to be honest. Why didn't they make that movie? And these two gangsters. Oh wait, they were under 17. But this was an odd movie. It was Barry Levinson trying to. He's like, okay, I'm going to do something really clever here. And it wasn't clever. It was the same as every other movie. So, you know, he starts with an incident. And then we backtrack. And then we go forward. And then also, then he's like, okay, this will make it really good and authentic.

[00:15:40] We'll put clips of Robert De Niro as Frank Costello in like a talking head documentary style. And cut to him every now and then. And have him narrate over some of this stuff. And nothing worked. It was all so, so terrible and boring. And I just, I'm just, just watching it. I'm like, how can you make a gangster movie where this little happens? I don't care about anything.

[00:16:10] And we didn't get, like, I'm not as well versed in the game as in the mob as say Murray here. And I was a little lost. I mean, I know these guys. But some of the situation, I'm like, so why is this happening? Like, I didn't even know. And maybe it's my ignorance on that part. But you don't have to spoon feed me stuff. But at least develop a character or two.

[00:16:34] Instead of just putting up some caricatures and having Robert De Niro go over and overreact to stuff. True. I don't know what to say other than this was just a hard, hard rage. I hated this movie. Barry Levinson's fallen off a cliff. I mean, it's almost like, I don't even know the last really good movie he made. Maybe Wag the Dog. I don't know. It's been a while. Okay, so let's just kind of a quick chat here. He did American Sweatshop.

[00:17:04] Oh, he produced that. Sorry. Yeah, I don't think he did that. Let's get the productions out of that. Okay, so he did Bucks County, USA. Why don't I remember this movie? The Survivor. Remember The Survivor? All right. Do you remember The Wizard of... Oh, sorry. That was a TV movie. Rock the Casbah with... I remember that. Yeah, it was meh. It was meh. Yeah. The Humbling.

[00:17:34] I saw it. I don't remember it at all. Do you remember who was in that? I think it was... Wasn't that Pacino? Al Garcia? That was Pacino, wasn't it? Yes. Okay. The Bay? The Bay. Yeah. Which is horrible. I don't even remember The Bay. The Bay.

[00:18:04] Which has De Niro in it. It's... And Pacino. Sorry, I was actually saying... I was thinking Pacino and saying De Niro because that's kind of what I do these days because they've meshed into one weird old man. Don't forget. I don't know what that. Yeah, and he did Man of the Year with Robin Williams. That was awful. But I don't think he's... He must have had back-to-back mez in there somewhere. He's more missed than hit is what I would say. Well, but then you get down... If you keep on going, like, all the way... Let's see. Boom, boom, boom.

[00:18:34] Analyze that is awful. Oh, he was an executive producer. Sorry. Yeah. But, yeah. If you go down to, like, Wag the Dog and before, like, Bandits was awful. But you haven't gotten to Wag the Dog yet. You know, once you get to Wag the Dog, then all of a sudden, Spear was awful. But once again, we haven't gotten to Wag the Dog yet. Okay. Wag the Dog. Wag the Dog. Good. Sleepers. Really good. Disclosure. Not so good. Yeah.

[00:19:03] Quiz show. Excellent. Yes. Although, no, sorry. He was only an actor. Sorry. I'm... You're doing what I just did. Yeah, I am. Suffice to say... Jimmy Hollywood. Terrible. Barry Levinson is not what he used to be. Nah, it's a... I didn't even mind toys. I didn't even mind Bugsy. That was a much better gangster movie. We can stop talking about Barry Levinson. We can, but now I'm rolling. No, no. We can... Good morning, Vietnam! That's the one I'm thinking of.

[00:19:33] It was excellent. Rain Man. I gotta watch Rain Man again, because I have such fond memories of it, but I have a feeling wasn't as good as I remember. No, you don't like Tom Cruise. Yeah. What do you mean I don't like Tom Cruise? You don't like Tom Cruise! Well, I think he's an awful actor, if that's what you're saying. That's what he's saying. Oh, okay. Then I don't like Tom Cruise. You don't like any of his movies, so yeah. That's what I'm saying. Well, I don't... I think I liked... Rain Man. Yeah, I like Tropic Thunder. There you go. Probably his best movie. All right. Easily. All right.

[00:20:02] Okay, let's move on, because you know what? Yeah, this... Murray's generosity got this up. We don't get to press buttons that remind us of how horrible this movie is. I'm not done yet. There's Rage A Coming. All right. Well, let's easily transition. One of us might not rage on the next movie. That's right. The next one... Then I will just walk out, because I'll be so disappointed. All right. Okay, so let's talk about the elephant in the room. Snow White in Screen Act.

[00:20:32] There was an elephant in that movie? Probably. No, because there was no woodland creature angrier than a deer. The deers weren't that angry. No, but there's no wolves, bears. They're in the forest. You never saw them. But for some reason, there was a hedgehog. Where did the hell did that come from? Yeah, it was a hedgehog. So adorable. Yeah, who, like, right at the end, too, curls up into a ball. It's like, what the hell? Well, he did that when we first introduced him to him. That's about all he did. That's about all he did. Yeah, he just, like, balling it up. Where was there a hedgehog ever in Snow White?

[00:21:01] Well, at the beginning when she met the critters, yes. There's no hedgehog in the original. Oh, okay. Let's not. Let's not. You know, we can't even compare this to the original. Well, no, because it's not. Why did they even do this? Write a new movie. Yeah, good idea. So what are the things that I like about Screen? You couldn't win with this movie.

[00:21:31] Which, you know, isn't a classic in my opinion. Stop making them. You can't do any right. But anyway, sorry. Go ahead. Okay, so what are the things that I like about Screen X? Is it that the sides are blurry and not as clear as the main screen? Is it that you have side screens? They're not fully white. So in the film, you see the huge red fire alarms and the four exit signs. Exit signs.

[00:21:57] Or maybe it's that they aren't on all the time as the movie plays. They just come on when something is going to be a surprise. Oh, wait. This makes nothing a surprise. Okay, enough about Screen X. Why was this film even made? That is the question I have every time Disney decides to do a... Even more so this time, though.

[00:22:27] Yeah, even more so. And why did they wait this long? They've redone almost every other movie as live action. And they're going to take the very original, full feature animated film and turn it into a live... And you have to put this in heavy, heavy quotes. Wasn't it like the first one Disney ever did? Yes, it was the first full-length cartoon. That they ever did, yeah. That I think anybody ever did. Like Steamboat Wooly was short, right?

[00:22:56] And they call it live action. But we have CGI dwarves and animals. Especially with how awfully, and I mean awfully designed these dwarves are. They just look like cartoons. Wait, was this actually Snow White? Or was this who framed Roger Rabbit 2? Because that's what it felt like. You have live action people. That's what they all feel like. In with cartoons.

[00:23:20] Then it went from being the original plot of Snow White, which probably was the first, I want to say, two minutes of the film. And then we get a bunch of new horrible songs. And what is more like a romance novel without the fucking... If the love payoff at the end is nothing like the original, then that took place in the woods. Because they seem to be wandering around the woods for God knows what reason or why.

[00:23:49] And the animals and the dwarves are following them everywhere. Where is the witch and the motherfucking apple? That took forever to happen. Yeah, it was at the last 20 minutes. Which, you know, it's like this is another overwoke story that we never needed from Disney. That was not good. I didn't need or want it. And I'm thinking to myself, okay, so I always try and find who is this movie for? Like that's... I'm really trying to grasp that when something comes out.

[00:24:17] And the only thing I can think of is that, you know, they weren't happy about how... Like they're on this new kick where, you know, women power and, you know, they're trying to, you know, I guess, again, woke everything in this. And like it just has no value to it. So I'm trying to figure out who would go to this movie and say, this movie was for me.

[00:24:44] And I'm thinking maybe nine-year-old girls. And if I said 13-year-old girls, then I would ask Bryce what he thinks. But it was more made for nine-year-old girls because I don't think even a 13-year-old girl would say what? You know, this was a horrible rage. Not as... I wasn't raging as much in this because I was laughing so much at watching Bryce watch it. Oh, that was worth the price of admission. Yeah, that itself is worth... Bryce falling apart.

[00:25:13] I want to say I set my timer. It was seven minutes in. It was seven? I thought it was great. And Bryce lost. Started losing his shit. This movie was horrible. I would say it's equally as horrible as Alto Nights. Don't see either of them in cinema when they come on VOD ever. Just avoid these two films. But in particular, do not ever see anything in Screen X except for next week when the new movie comes out. We'll be watching Screen X. Or if we can watch it in IMAX 3D, even better.

[00:25:45] X3D. All right, Murph, what do you think? I'm going to keep this short because I have a lot to say about this later on. Oh. Spoiler alert. CGI dwarves. Scary CGI woodland creatures. Horrible, smarmy, Disney-fied songs. There's so much dislike about this film. Oh yeah, and Jim may see it in Screen X. Spoiler alert.

[00:26:15] As I said, I'll be discussing this in greater detail shortly. And seeing as I'm the only one to actually stay awake for the entire length of this film, I am definitely qualified to give it a hard, hard rage. Oh my God, it was so bad. Yeah. I don't even... He's without words. What? You know what I'm going to start with?

[00:26:43] I'm going to start with like, there were so many bad things about this movie, but... I'm sorry, but Gal Gadot as the evil queen. The ugly evil queen. What in the heck was that? That was... That was not good. No. But she sings. Twice. She sings better than she asks. I was going to say, I was actually impressed with her singing. If that was her.

[00:27:11] It's like they wrote a few new songs and decided, okay, we're going to make a Snow White movie around this. It's not really like the original, but sort of like the original. We're going to get rid of the prince because you can't have... Because he's useless anyway. Because you can't have a prince rescuing anybody. Because he's a stalker. Weird. Weird. You can't, you know. So we're going to take the original story and not make it anything like that, except we're still going to keep the dwarfs for some reason. I mean, if we're changing stuff, do we really need to keep the dwarfs?

[00:27:40] But not real ones. That don't, you know, have any contact with outside society and are just a little cocoon and they're just little weirdlings that go to work every day and then go home. I kind of like dopey. Well, you know, it's funny. It's like, if we're changing stuff, why aren't we changing that? Well, what about... Okay, so let's just talk about their mining exposition or expedition or whatever-ish that they were doing. Yeah, they turned coal into diamonds. Well, wait. They go to do diamonds or they hunt for gems.

[00:28:10] Yeah, okay. There's millions of them. But they have magic gems. So why don't they have a stand somewhere? Like, where are they selling these things? Yeah, well, on top of that, they worked for an entire day from sunrise to sunset and they didn't even take any of them out with them when they left. No, it's... They just dig around in the... They just dig around and we got piles of diamonds. So, I mean, they're set for life. I think there's like an edit scene that we're missing where they were like all jerking off on these jewels or something. I don't know what's going on. Where it's like...

[00:28:37] I'm sure there's some evil merchant who's taking all of their diamonds and selling them. But they worked an entire day and came out of the mines with nothing. So what exactly were they doing in there for the whole day? Who were they doing this for? They made a point of having them... Who were they doing it for? Well... At least in South Park with the underpants gnomes, you know, you had the underwear, then you had the question mark, but then you had profit. Yes! They were making money. We don't know how they were making the money off the underpants, but we knew there was profit.

[00:29:07] Yes! With this, what was the point? Well, I still can't figure out. They worked an entire day and they're rolling around in gems. Yeah, and how are they eating? Because if they work all day, so who's farming? Who's like... None of this makes any sense. And the people in the kingdom are all starving to death because of the queen. They have like diamonds in the mine. Yeah, I just... Anyways, this... It was... The whole thing was very, very, very, very, very bad. I... I...

[00:29:37] Like even... If you're going to make a Disney film, at least even the landscapes and everything should... Like something should pop and nothing did miss. It was... Well, the castle looks kind of familiar. Isn't that at Disney World somewhere? Maybe. Or is that Cinderella? Is that on? Is this an advertisement? I don't know whose castle it is. Well, it's Cinderella's castle at Disney World. Is it? Yeah, I think it's Cinderella's castle. I... Do you need to say anything more about this? It's just... Not really. I mean, it's...

[00:30:06] My question is, how much of it did you actually see? I actually... No, I stayed awake through the whole thing. I know. I didn't... I couldn't see over Jim. Yeah, yeah, no. Or hear over his snoring. Yeah, Jim was snoring a little bit. But it's almost as if... If you're going to do this, you know, make it more cheesy. Make it more over the top. I don't know. Like, do something. Like, do something that's interesting. There's just... Cast somebody bitter. But to sit there and handcuff yourself by saying, Oh, I can't do this. I can't do that.

[00:30:35] If I do this, I'm going to get backlash. And then you go and do something to get you backlash anyways. Like, it's just a mess of a concept. It's an absolute mess of a concept. So, it was... It's a hard rage. Nice. But thank God I saw it in ScreenX. That's right. Yes. And sat right against the wall on the right side.

[00:31:04] It doesn't matter, Murray. Even though our entire row was empty. But whatever. It doesn't matter if you're in the center or on the right side. It's still blurry on the side. So, who cares? It's like going to IMAX and sitting in the front row. Front row at the very far right. Yeah, the very far right. Which is fine. No, it's not. They wouldn't sell the seat unless it was fine, would they, Murray? But it's meant to see it in a big screen. And you got to see the whole screen, not just the one side of it. I did see the whole screen. You missed.

[00:31:33] I just had a slightly different angle. You missed the top right. You missed a lot of blurry stuff on the right side. No, the top right. I just looked up. It was right there. If I would have stood up, my head would have been in the movie. Bryce did not enjoy the Screen X experience. But just you wait, brother. Mission Impossible is coming up. Yes. You know that's going to be in Screen X? Totes. Not for me. All right.

[00:32:02] Now it's time. You're going to bring the joy, aren't you? Oh, no. What? Well, maybe for you two. I don't know anybody else. This week, I'm going to be doing some raging. I'm sure you can guess what I'm talking about. It's the new Snow White live action remake. I absolutely did not want to see this. But Jim, as I said, made us see it in Screen X. Yes.

[00:32:32] Trust me. Seeing this piece of trash in three screens did not make it better. I'm making it my personal goal to badmouth this movie to anybody who will listen. In the hopes that Disney will lose so much money they will stop making them. Oh, it's going to lose money. Oh, it already did. It cost $270 million to make it. It made $40 million this week.

[00:32:59] And with all the bad word of mouth, it's not making any more. Yeah. So, not like you need more reasons to hate this movie, but I'm going to give you some. First off, Disney spent $270 million on this film, yet another live action remake of a beloved classic. The other remakes have been mildly successful, at best. This time, they decided to redo the most well-known Disney film ever.

[00:33:29] Rachel Zegler of Snow White. I liked her. Yeah. It's no secret I can't stand this woman. I don't understand. I think she's a shrill, empty-headed moron who can't act. Wow. Maybe I'm alone. She also sports a horrible Lord Farquaad haircut. Just saying. That was intentional. Because she was punished because she was forced to have that hair. And I'm afraid the hair never grows.

[00:34:00] Yeah. You can cut hair. The queen just kept cutting her hair. The queen just keeps coming back and cutting it. Because she doesn't want her to look sexy. She can't be the fairest one of all. So she has to give her a Lord Farquaad. Just warming up. Oh, God. Gal Gadot as the evil queen. Yes. Biggest problem people have, besides her terrible acting and bad line delivery, is that she is so obviously more attractive than Rachel Zegler.

[00:34:29] I don't agree with that. Who's supposed to be fairer than her. I absolutely think she's fairer than her. No, she is not. Gal Gadot. I've got a big mole on her face. Gal Gadot is not as attractive as you guys make her out to be. She used to be a model. Well, she's had four kids. I don't know. So what? David Hand, the son of the original director from 1937, has completely trashed this film. Here to go, David. He called it insulting to the original and said that both Walt Disney and his father would

[00:34:59] be rolling over in their graves. Yeah, but they were racist old light men. That's true. But still. Now we come back to the star, Rachel Zegler. Oh, Murray. In many interviews, Zegler has openly criticized the original film. She called it sexist, outdated, and described Prince Charming as a stalker. He was. He was. Not once. But over and over and over again. So good for her?

[00:35:29] Every time she opens her mouth, she pisses off more people. Not me. She's just telling the truth. And we got changes. Sometimes the truth hurts, man. Whatever. You're in love with her. I'm becoming more in love with her as you're talking. Just listen to her interviews, and trust me, you won't be. All right. Changes to the original story. In the new film, Prince Charming is just some vagabond thief that she comes across. Yeah.

[00:35:55] We're supposed to believe they fall in love immediately, and that she doesn't need saving. Snow White in this film is some kind of kick-ass action hero. Now, this may be an unpopular opinion, but Snow White and the Huntsman did it a whole lot better. No. And she had a Hemsworth. That was also a horrible movie. I loved it. Well, I mean, it did have fine actors in it. That's right. Charlie Serone.

[00:36:25] No! I think we could get in a lot of arguments about that movie. We could. I liked it. Because it had Hemsworth in it. Bad production values. For a movie that cost $270 million, they should have spent that money on better effects. The CGI and green screen effects were so awful, it was distracting. The woodland creatures, not to mention the dwarves. All bad. And yeah, no real dwarves. I guess they're called little people. I'm sorry.

[00:36:55] First, Disney thought it'd be a good idea to replace the seven dwarves, not only from the title, but from the film. They wanted to go with seven regular-sized magical creatures. I would have liked that. After Peter Dinklage went off on a tirade, they decided to replace them with CGI dwarves. What this did was take seven jobs away from Hollywood's little people community. You obviously could have done the job. That's true. I don't think there's seven they could find. That's a bigger problem.

[00:37:26] I know there's more than seven in Hollywood. Is there? There must be. I would challenge you to find seven. I don't know. And that's Peter Dinklage's biggest problem. I can think of four or five. And I would wager that Peter Dinklage wouldn't be within a thousand miles of this project. So you're down one. He already played one in some movie he played. Elf. Was it Elf? No, it was something else too. Anyway. The CGI was so bad for these characters, the faces were worse than the ones from Polar Express.

[00:37:55] They came out more than 20 years ago. I thought technology was supposed to be getting better. Finally, the overly complicated story. They tried to update the original with a more independent main character and make it more like real life. Okay. It's a fairy tale. That's true. Would have been okay if the story had more adult themes, but it's still a story for six-year-olds. Nine-year-olds. Do yourself a favor.

[00:38:22] Avoid this film unless you have a bunch of toddlers that are attracted to flashing lights and smarmy songs. It's not worth your time. Oh my God. This movie made me rage so bad. Nice. All right. Now you know how I felt watching the Alto Kings. There you go. I'd still rather see mobsters than woodland creatures. Temperature rising. Vision blurring. Rage. Taking over.

[00:38:52] All right. So there's a lot of obviouses that I could bring out for what my rage might be this week, but I think you're going to be a little bit surprised as to what my rage is this week.

[00:39:20] So I could rage about Snow White and the whole fact that it exists. I could also rage about Screen X and that it actually exists. I could also rage about the Alto Knights and the fact that it exists.

[00:39:36] But the thing that's going to make me rage this week is that the one pure joy that I had seeing Snow White in X was watching Bryce's reaction to watching it. That was the only moment of joy. The whole night. From our viewing this week. And trust me when I say there's more rage a-coming, people. There is more rage a-coming.

[00:40:03] But what I will say is my rage this week is that I didn't get the same reaction from Bryce watching Snow White that I should have got from the Alto Knights. I mean, I was squirming in my seats the entire movie as the Alto Knights is playing. So I got no pleasure from watching Bryce stand up and sigh and roll his eyes and wander around the cinema. And we even had that one to ourselves.

[00:40:29] We should have had a hell of a lot more Bryce wandering around, tripping balls through the whole Alto Knights. So my rage this week is, Bryce, please be consistent. If you're going to rage about a film and wander around and make my pleasure, like super pleasure actually, then please do it through both of our horrible movies we have to watch. That's my rage this week. Bryce didn't rage enough. He didn't get my pleasure circuits going.

[00:40:59] Alto Knights was bad, but you know. It was as bad as Snow White. It wasn't so bad that I was squirming. It was a rage, but. It was as horrible a rage for me anyway. Yeah, I know. That's your prerogative. It's true.

[00:41:38] Bryce is busy typing something. He's searching chat GPT. Oh, is he? Maybe. Maybe they wrote the script to Snow White. Maybe. Maybe. Oh, oh, oh. All right. What you got, mister? My. Oh, before you do this, can I just say that your dog is making a great foot massage right now for me? He's like warming up my feet. Yeah.

[00:42:07] He's just lying there as I rub his back. He's a good pillow. He's a giver. Yeah. He's a giver, all right. He's a good dog. Yeah. My rage this week is Screen X. And it's bigger than Screen X. So it's once again gouging us for more money to give us an inferior product that does nothing but take away from the movie that's on the screen. I don't understand all these gimmicks. I hate them all.

[00:42:35] The only gimmick that's acceptable is putting it on a bigger screen with better sound. Yes. That's fine. I got no problem with that. But when you start throwing me around in a seat or you light up the walls with stuff that you can't even make out what the hell's going on. It's not even jiving with what's going on on the screen because the proportions of the people are different as they flow from the wall to the screen and then from the screen back to the wall.

[00:43:04] Out of focus. They go from, you know, being thin to being a little bit pudgy to being kind of a blob. It's just, I, it's not acceptable. Like, why are you charging me more for this? Everything that they seem to be doing seems to be taking away from the actual movie. What happened to sitting back and watching a movie? I don't understand the gimmicks. I don't understand trying to turn it into amusement park ride.

[00:43:34] I don't understand having the sides light up. I don't understand any of it. It's all the gimmicks. They're not getting, nobody's going to go to this and go, oh, I got to go screen X every single time. Nobody's going to go get their spine jarred by a D box and go, oh, I got to do this every time. I'm going to spend $8 more or whatever the heck it is for discomfort and just taking away from the entire experience.

[00:44:03] It's all distraction. Like, I guess it's because maybe the movies that they're putting in these theaters aren't very good. So they're trying to distract you with all this other crap. Maybe. Because basically every movie I've seen in one of these gimmick type deals has not been a good movie. That seems to be the thing. So that's a way to weed out the movies from now on. If you see that it's playing in screen X or D box, just don't even go to it. No, AVX is fine. AVX is just bigger.

[00:44:33] AVX is fine. Why am I paying $5 more for it then? A bigger screen. Because it's a bigger screen. No, it's not. And it sounds great. Yeah. Whatever. Just stop, Murray. I was rolling and now I have derailed my train of train. Whatever, you were done. At the end of the day though, stop distracting from the movie. If your movie's so bad that you have to gimmick it up, then don't make the movie. That's my rage. That's very fitting. That's the magic of Hollywood. Yeah. They're like magicians.

[00:45:03] They distract you. By showing you bright things every year. Yeah. From what is actually going on. His screen act experience. No, it was awful. We've been telling him for over a year. Oh, I told him weeks ago. I was looking forward to it. I saw one once and that was all I had to. Yeah, me too. It was the Harley Quinn movie.

[00:45:32] Rage subsiding. Anger fading. All right, the lists. So if this is your first time listening to us, please go to our website, filmrageyyc.com and take a look at our page called the lists. On there you will find five categories.

[00:46:01] We'll find the mesmerizing, the repulsive, the doubted, the undoubted, and the once mesmerizing and who removed them from the mesmerizing. So we've been trying to get down our mesmerized list for some time. And this is one that I think must be a long time in the coming because it's like an older movie. Well, because half the people on our list are like from the 30s and 40s. Yeah, because they've stayed mesmerizing.

[00:46:27] But we got the impeccable Gregory Peck versus the always impeccable Jimmy Stewart in How the West Was Won. A 1960s, I don't know, is this a bio? The 60s? Bio something? Bio something? No, it's based on a book, wasn't it? It was like Settlers in the Old West.

[00:46:52] I just want to say that I was a little surprised because I remember seeing this as a kid. And I remember at the time. Yeah, there we go. I would have pushed in the 50s. So the thing that surprised me the most about this is how slutty the women were. Like it was like they were taking control. So maybe good on them for taking control. I want myself a man. And they just slutted it up like nobody's business. It was a little weird. It was. And even Jimmy Stewart was a little taken back.

[00:47:22] He's like, huh? What's going on here? I'm like 50 and you're like 20. So what's happening here? Like it was. They just wanted a good man. Yeah. I never thought I would ever say this, though. But I think Gregory Peck outperformed Jimmy Stewart in this. That's my opinion. I'm not sure what your thoughts are. The hell you say. I know. I never thought I would ever say that. Yeah. No. Jimmy Stewart came in this just going full on Jimmy Stewart.

[00:47:52] And it didn't really fit this role. Yes, it did. It was. It was kind of odd. It was sort of amusing to watch Jimmy Stewart in this role. But this was Jimmy Stewart was a victim of being completely miscast for one thing. Oh, totally. Like this. It made like I'm sorry, but I do not understand the relationship. I do not under like no nothing made any sense. Why is this this no good one?

[00:48:21] So and so appealing to anybody. I don't know. It made no sense. Oh, so in a bad movie, Gregory Peck was Gregory Peck where he's just he's always you can always lean on Gregory Peck. And he was if you're going to put these two side by side in this movie, which unfortunately they never were side by side. But yeah, Gregory Peck out does Jimmy Stewart in this particular case.

[00:48:48] And that's that's unfortunate for Jimmy. But yeah, I don't know what was going on with this particular role. I've never seen him like a fish out of water. Yeah. And that wasn't, you know, this wasn't a fish out of water story. He was the fish out of water. Yeah. This didn't make sense that he was. But this movie is really horrible. It is not a good movie. It is. You know, it's got it's got three director four directors, I guess, four directors.

[00:49:19] And originally it was filmed to get like if you watch it, it's you get this really thin band because it was filmed to be put on a special screen. That's this giant curved screen like it was specially. So this was like a big deal because they were they're going to put it on this giant curved screen and whatever ratio that happens to be. So if you're watching this, you know, on your on even on your high definition TV, you're going to have the widest black bands that you've ever seen top and bottom.

[00:49:47] If you're seeing an actual true depiction of of what you're supposed to see. So watch it on a really big TV if you have to. But don't watch it. It is not good. It is not good. It is so boring. And it's just it's basically a bunch of vignettes and none of them are anything. And at the end of it, I don't know how the West was won. You know what? The only thing that we know based and it wasn't because of the movie, how the West was won is because they just stole all the indigenous people's lands. They just killed the Indians. Yeah. That's what they did.

[00:50:17] That's what they did. So when they were all gone, they started fighting each other. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Sorry. Jimmy. You know what? You're going to have a soft place in my heart. Now you will never get to go up against Catherine Hepburn. Nope. But maybe Gregory Peckwell. Who knows? I don't know. They're in a movie together. I would imagine they must have been. I don't know. I couldn't find one. All right. All right. Well, what do you got for us for next week? Nothing. All right. Nothing. We'll take a break from next week.

[00:50:46] I have one match left. If you want it, you can have it. Might as well take it. I'm okay with it. Bring it on. Jeff Goldblum. Okay. Liking it so far. And Robin Williams. Really? What were they? My guy, Robin. Something called Nine Months. Nine months. Guessing there's babies involved. Excellent. They were in it together. And yeah, then I'm pretty much. I'm out. I got nothing. I know. I've seen it. I just don't remember it. Oh, I'm sure you're out.

[00:51:15] It's got to be something with somebody having a baby. Did you say Gregory Peck and who? Jeff Goldblum. Jeff Goldblum and Gregory Peck. In nine months. Gregory Peck was in nine months too? Exactly. You said it. It's Jeff Goldblum versus Robin Williams in the movie Nine Months. Nice. All right. Ah, so close. We got Gregory Peck and Audrey Hepburn. Not quite. See? Not quite. And they're not even related.

[00:51:44] They're not even related. I actually just watched Roman Holiday in the cinema like a year and a half ago. Nice. 1953. That's an oldie. It was good. I enjoyed it. Last week on Rage or Dare, our friends at Cinebijou Podcast dared the boys to have the lord of the dance himself slipstep his way into our ragey hearts with his film Blackbird

[00:52:14] from 2018. This week, it's Bryce's turn to rage or dare. Come on, Bryce. All right. I know I said friends of ours dared us to see Michael Flatley's opus, which he not only directed but also wrote and starred in. I guess friend may be a strong word to use until we hear how much pain they inflicted on our ragelings.

[00:52:42] I mean, this has all the makings of a monumental rage brewing. But then again, they don't call me Totap and Casey for nothing. he has an irish name blackbird it's like the it's what it is it is what is i how did the

[00:53:09] i don't understand who's the why it like like what was she doing and the him and his shirtlessness and the yeah what was that was i'm gonna take my shirt off and then the when he's like and then i

[00:53:29] don't know what's going on what is going on was there dancing i i this was this was i i don't know what this was well let me tell you a little bit about what this was so uh first off has anybody ever heard of dance lord productions i think they've made one movie at least jim apparently

[00:53:54] because he's lord of the dance so i i have no idea what this was about i'm not sure if it's because the filming style is so made for tv or because everyone that opens their mouths are speaking in cryptic messages i i think to us the viewer but i'm not sure i just know someone died there is a pub and then there's a church and a bunch of old people and random shots of people doing i have

[00:54:20] no clue what but it it's in ireland so at least it has a pub and a church i guess which was two things that made sense because it's supposedly in ireland i think uh so i have no fucking clue what is happening this whole movie i've never seen a movie that tells you nothing about anything and shows you a new cut to scene with the worst acting i mean the worst acting it moved around from scene to scene

[00:54:47] with what seems like random things being said and again horrible when i say horrible acting i mean horrible acting and then when eric roberts shows up you're like oh right if eric roberts is in a movie nowadays you know it's gonna be everything it's gonna be horrible so um i had i had no clue what what this is about i can can see why some might say this is like mike flatley's irish equivalent

[00:55:12] of the room i think that flatley and friends were secret agents or something but now they work on fantasy island after someone dies and a young singer i would say she's probably in her 20s wants to have sex with a 60 year old flatley but he's still grieving from something eric roberts is the bad guy and his fiance works for some secret service uh that flatley and friends did and she has no clue that

[00:55:42] she's been dating this guy for a year and a half that he's a criminal this has all the tropes of a james bond meets time tommy wiseau it even had a card game and tuxedos which made no sense this film is is so horrible like i mean den of thieves 2 type horrible but it was yeah it was kind of like den of

[00:56:05] thieves 2 horrible i'm confused by the end um blackbird i'm putting in heavy quote um aka flatley just tells the bad guys let go of the girl so they do did i mention they had guns in their girl they had guns in their hand and had dance shoes on but then they let her go and is they have a

[00:56:31] shootout when they're holding guns pointing them at them and flatley and his buddy that shows up randomly out of middle of nowhere and they actually win the shootout when so murray here we go i'm a gangster i'm pointing a gun at you and we're gonna start a gunfight that i start and then i can't hit you but you can kill all of us sounds reasonable right it sounds awesome this

[00:56:58] movie was this was painful to watch like i'm talking like snow white painful or maybe even the alto knights painful this was this was like the most pain we've ever been inflicted on in our entire history of film rage this movie cinebiju i love you guys you gave us so much rage to end this with

[00:57:19] yeah michael flatley is director producer lead actor um he can't do any of those things he's he needs to just keep on dancing dance and you know what he didn't even dance in this murray he he slow danced with dance with two ladies that's it we got we got a few seconds of slow dancing

[00:57:42] we didn't get we didn't get dancing there were no knees up what is how do you have a a dance lord production with no dancing that's i was cheated i was cheated i'm thinking the director miscast him yeah this was hard to watch nothing made any sense that you're sitting there watching it and you're almost thinking okay this part makes sense because this lady's odd that's with this this horrible

[00:58:09] horrible human being that's i don't know he's got some i don't what is it like a microchip or something that's gonna penis that's gonna do something that's gonna bring down some government i don't know what it you know at the end who cares but you're thinking okay vivian vivian you know this guy's bad right you you have to know i mean you've been with him for so long but maybe the sex is good but then it's like she's obviously undercover right now even though every they did you know everybody

[00:58:38] left this whatever this agency was which i still don't understand and why the other guy is that left the agency they ended up running a hotel together like i don't know what's going on but where were they even like where was the hotel it was lands no no no it was no it wasn't some tropic paradise oh wasn't an iron yeah it was iron the caribbean paradise anyways the one thing the

[00:59:04] one thing where i'm like okay this finally makes sense that she's obviously gonna be she's undercover she's not just a total and then it turns out she's not undercover at all she's just a total idiot yeah so like even when he had an out he didn't take it this writing was so bad it's like he just kept on writing and it doesn't have to make sense i just have to get to the scene where i'm in the bathroom

[00:59:29] and i take my shirt off so that people can see that you know i'm a little older but i'm not completely out of shape was that the point of this movie it was 100 okay this was really really bad eric roberts my god buddy he's he's got you know we haven't talked about you forget who his sister i think we should i think we should yes i think we should talk about him next week on the list because if

[00:59:56] we haven't put eric roberts on our yeah uh we can definitely talk i preview films for two different festivals and i get to see eight eric roberts movies a year because he's in everything nice everything bad for like five minutes oh there's eric roberts there you go yeah well he's just do just retire he's gonna he's gonna take out um what's his name um as the most acted actor by the

[01:00:23] time he passes samuel jackson no there's um there's a chinese guy that's all the chinese dude yeah it's his name he's in every single movie that's ever the old dude yeah yeah he's been old for like james somebody or yeah james hong he's like 100 years old yeah but at least every time james hong's in a movie he's entertaining yeah oh can i just say michael flatly can you just wear a hat properly my god what is with this tilted hat the entire freaking movie just put your hat on like a

[01:00:52] regular person you idiot there's your hat's not even doing anything if it's on a slant like that at all times channeling michael he's channeling idiocy all right well that's a good good time so who do you want to pull from next week i think it's your turn it's not so you can choose the mermans ice cream bucket of rage casey's um remake bucket of rage or my succulent you know there is something

[01:01:20] nice in here don't we have any more fan ones uh we've only got a couple left so we're gonna save those for us i don't know i guess i'll cheese from yours there's one in there that's big what's that one that sounds like a trap i'm gonna grab whatever i grab okay so for rage or dare next week i will be watching i have no idea what this is it's from

[01:01:50] 2005 and it's called the wedding date i'm gonna guess there's a wedding in it so that sounds good nice this is a wedding date i hope it's not oh it's deborah messing i just i just i just pumped her tires in the alto night she's the only good part of that movie but also it's got jermot malrooney

[01:02:15] and amy adams yeah i love my amy you know what who doesn't love amy you know what there is a possibility that i have never seen this movie oh no lucky you well you know what your new found love of deborah messing is gonna be tested that was like well this was this was back in the what was the show this is in the in the way back time when she was not any good she was a tv show

[01:02:39] what was the tv show will and grace will and grace yeah it was around then nice all right well you know deborah messing deborah messing amy adams back to back weeks baby back to back all right and dermot malrooney maybe dinner or else yeah that i don't know friends well thanks ragers for listening thanks to the extended film rage family you can find in our

[01:03:07] show notes super super super big thanks to cinebiju for daring us to see probably one of the worst movies we've ever been dared to see thanks to casey i'm the nerdy photographer the voice of rager darren our god of rage find us on social media everywhere at film rage yyc check out everything film rage at film rage yyc.com including our merch site for red bubble and t public we're always wanting to make this a raging blast for all listeners so please comment like subscribe and send us emails

[01:03:32] to film rage calgary gmail.com dare to see terrible movies to fuel our rage but no matter what you do dance dance stairs and make us rage that's it for this week rage on rage on